Melinda Hamilton and Felicia Williams

[00:08] FELICIA WILLIAMS: Good afternoon. My name is Melinda Hamilton. I am in San Antonio, Texas. It is December 7, and I just want to introduce myself. I'm with mothers of murdered angels, and I'm here with my friend Felicia.

[00:28] MELINDA HAMILTON: Hello. Good morning. My name is Felicia Williams. I'm here with my friend Melinda Hamilton, and I'm with journey to healing hearts from San Antonio, Texas. Okay, melinda, since we're here on this interview, I know we're going to talk about and discuss some things that have happened in your life, like trauma, tragedies, grief, and different things like that. So let me ask you a question. Let's get right on with it. So what are some of the tragedies or traumas that you have experienced in your life?

[01:19] FELICIA WILLIAMS: Okay. My trauma started the reason I started my mother's and murdered angels, which is a nonprofit. It all started in 2018. My daughter Shemeeka 32 years old, was shot down. It was a drive by shooting. Ten people got shot, but two of them got killed, and one of them was my daughter. And after that, you know, that was the worst thing that had ever happened in my life, getting. Trying to get over that and going to court and everything else. Then in 2020, my grandson that just graduated, that was also on his way to the Navy, he got shot in the back by bullies. He was walking back up the sidewalk after he took him and his girlfriend out to eat. He was going over to his mother's house, and some guys got it, got out. I don't know if they was trying to rob him or what, but he got shot in the back. But that was. And after that, enough was enough for me. And so months later, I started my nonprofit. I became a 501. I started helping other mothers and, and fathers also. I know its name, mothers and murdered angels. But we also help fathers, too, and parents. So I started that helping survivors, because what I went through, there is no book to. To explain. You do this and that. So I started helping survivors, and that's where I'm at right now, helping others. So I know me and you met, and we met in the same. A little bit after that, getting contact with you, because you were in the Arlington area over there. So. And you shared a heartbreaking story also. So, Felicia, let's tell the listeners what happened with you, too, how we connected.

[03:35] MELINDA HAMILTON: Okay, great. So back in April 18, 2014, my son was at the park with some friends, and someone drove through the park, and they call it the circle park here in Arlington. And someone pulled out a gun and starts shooting in the park, claiming technicality. They did not go to shoot a particular person. They were shooting in the park at the same time. As big as my son's heart was, he was getting ready to go to the air force. He had great vision. He had great things getting ready to happen for him. He was shot in his heart at 21 years old. He was my only son. I have a daughter, but he was my only son. And that has been a tremendous, tremendous tragedy for me and my family, as well as my community. It's been very tough. And I started my nonprofit organization, journey the number two healing heart, because I wanted. I didn't want anyone else to go through the pain and the suffering that I was going through at that moment in time. And I did not want people to claim they understand and throw off so many cliches, but until you really walk through that and wear those shoes, you really don't understand what that person is going through. So I began to interview people in the mall. I would just walk up to them, and I started interviewing people, and I started reaching out in my community, and people begin to call me that have also experienced gun violence or in their life. And I began my nonprofit, you know, through that way as well.

[05:40] FELICIA WILLIAMS: Yeah. And I know that has brought a lot of us together, but you and I have became like. Cause you're my daughter's age, and you're like a daughter to me now. And like I told you, whatever you have needed, or whatever I have needed, we have been there for each other, and that's how we all come together. And, you know, that's how we make, you know, our circles by. With different organizations, because we're all going through the same thing because we talked. And like you said, if you haven't been there, you can't talk to me about anything like that. You know where they say, I know how you feel. No, you don't know how I feel unless you've been there and done that. So I know you put on a lot of events, too, and I know you have some events that you do yearly, too. And I'll let you know about mine, which you already know. But tell me about all the events you put on every year, too, Felicia.

[06:42] MELINDA HAMILTON: Oh, of course. Yes. One of the events that we do with journey to healing hearts, we have a retreat. We take mothers out to a lake house for a whole weekend, and we really minister with them to them. We get deep down with them. We talk about, you know, their grief. We introduce ourselves because some of the people that come, we have never met at all. And so when they fill out the information they come with a word that they can hold on to throughout the whole year. So my word, the first time I started this event, my word was joy. And they have to bring a scripture with them. The joy of the Lord is my strength. And you hold on to their word the whole year. And then we have different exercises and different things like that. Like I say, we stay the whole weekend. That's one of the things we do. We also honor mothers on a day before Mother's Day. Cause Mother's Day usually falls on a Sunday. So we honor mothers. Last year, we had a 35, 37 mothers, something like that. And we were honoring mothers in the name of that particular event was crown your sister. And so we were crowning them. And we're your crown. Well, and so a lot of times, just because a parent has lost their child, they feel like they're no longer a parent anymore and you are still a parenthood. And so we do that. We also do deaf notification sensitivity training at the police department. And we teach officers, especially young officers, on how to deliver an effective deaf notification and also what an ineffective deaf notification look like. So we do that. We also do things in the community, feed the homeless. We keep ourselves busy. Our hands are continually moving, praying, pressing, and doing things for the community as well as ourselves. We do the self healing. You know, we help people navigate through the grieving process so nobody walk through this grief alone.

[08:57] FELICIA WILLIAMS: That's great. That's great. And, yes, I love that, the prayer that you have every year in the park, and that's awesome. I love that. I love that. I mean, that is a great thing that you're doing there. And I know that we do similar things sometime. And I appreciate you attending a lot of my events. Also, we do the gala in April where we acknowledge community workers and all of that that have gave back to the community. We do the council balloon drop every year also, and just a lot of different things that we do. And we're always looking for other people to, you know, to come out with us and, you know, get involved, the ones that don't know about us. But we have been getting our names out there and been helping a lot of mothers. So right now, after two years, we have a total of 27 mothers, parents that we have helped in this time right now. But like I said, I wanted to definitely let you know. And, you know, I know the other people also know, but we're located in Fort Worth. We do the Dallas Fort Worth area. We have went as far as Lubbock in Houston, and our address is our PO box 24855, Fort Worth, Texas, 76124. And you can always call us at 817-93-8892 and Felicia, let them know your information, how to contact you. Also, one more thing. We have a website is mom, momangels.org. you can go on there and you see some of the activities and the things that we have done. So, yes, I'm sorry, Felicia, go give them your information, too. Cause, I mean, yeah, we want everybody to know about every organization that can help somebody.

[11:09] MELINDA HAMILTON: Okay, great. Yes. Journey, Taylor Harris. Our base location is Arlington, but we travel everywhere. We've been to Arkansas, we've been to Houston. And so we travel everywhere there's a need. And so you can contact us through Facebook. Journey, the number two healing hearts. We do have an email address. Journey, the number two healing hearts. We have a website, journey to healing hearts weeks at Journey to healing hearts. And you can locate us. Our phone number is 817-456-2402 we have been interviewed with the news. I don't know, we're doing some things, we making some moves, so we're not standing still. And so I believe that's how our healing, you know, we get our healing as we help someone else. And that's what God told me, was to extend a helping hand for someone else while he's healing me inside out. And thank you so much, Melinda. Everything that you do, every seed that you sow in the community, and I'm so glad that we partner up, you know, and we're allowing our grief to minister to others and know that people are not walking through this grief, this horrific grief alone. So thank you.

[12:38] FELICIA WILLIAMS: Well, I thank you very much, too, because you have been special to my daughter, because as I stated, you all are the same age. Both of you all are mothers of a son and a daughter. And now both of you all are without your sons right now because that was my grandson. That was her only son. And her daughter in her is, I mean, doing, I mean, just doing the best they can, being strong for each other and everyone else around them. And I just love the work that you're doing also. So I love you.

[13:18] MELINDA HAMILTON: Thank you so much. I love you, too. I appreciate the wisdom that you have. And like I say, if I don't understand something, you as an older woman know, I can call you and I can ask you and be comfortable with that. You know, I understand that, you know, when I lost my son, it was a little bit longer than you and our sharp and iron, we can help each other at the same time. I so appreciate, you know, the things that you're doing and the connections that you're making. And no matter what, know that I am a friend.

[13:54] FELICIA WILLIAMS: I know. No, you're a daughter. You're a daughter. Another mama. But I love you. I appreciate everything that you do also. And I know you put everything on your Facebook. I put it on my personal Facebook, Melinda Hamilton. And I also put it on my Facebook for mothers of murdered angels. And I'm on Instagram and everywhere else. So we try to get all of the information out. And I know you have different resources also. We've also helped each other with all the different resources. If I don't have them, I know I can call you to get some other resources if I need. And I appreciate you so much. I know we just keep thanking each other, but, I mean, that. That's. That's just true, you know? I mean, really, when you have a person like this around you and with her doing the work that she's doing with her organization, that just makes mine stronger. Just like this should make your stronger.

[14:58] MELINDA HAMILTON: Yeah.

[14:58] FELICIA WILLIAMS: We hope other people hear our conversation, because whatever we talk about helps somebody else anyway.

[15:06] MELINDA HAMILTON: Right? Melinda, let me ask you a question. I know you say you also help men, too. When it comes down to men, how is it that you support them and you help them through the grieving process?

[15:21] FELICIA WILLIAMS: The thing is, some of our volunteers, I do have some men in my group that will talk to them also, but we help them just like we help the women. We go through the same steps with them, and they understand us because we know men want to be the leaders. But in this situation like this, they do listen to us. And, you know, consider on everything that we say, we're, you know, we're there to help them. We're not there to. What do you want to say? Belitter them or anything, because the man is supposed to be the strong of the women. But in these situations, they do listen to us, and, I mean, we respect them just like they respect us.

[16:08] MELINDA HAMILTON: Yeah. Yeah, I know that. I've, um. I discovered talking to men is totally different. Men tend to hold their feelings on the inside, and unless they reach out, you never know that they're going through that type of grief and that type of pain. And when they holding things on the inside, sometimes they will lash out in different ways. And some of the triggers or some of the coping mechanism that I've discovered that they become workaholics, or some of them start drinking a lot, or they will go to drugs, or they'll try to run away from it versus women have a friend that we can hug and cry together. Men don't do that kind of stuff. They'll hang out, they'll go to the park, they'll ignore it. They'll compartmentalize it as if it doesn't, it didn't happen or it didn't exist until they get home. And they hide their tears, they hide their emotions unless they feel so comfortable, unless you give them a safe place where they can really express how they really authentic feel on the inside. And some people will not go to counseling, and I'm not knocking counseling, but when I see where there's a situation that they need counseling, I will offer, hey, have you considered or thought about going to talk to a professional, going to talk to someone? And I believe that's very important, too, because a lot of the mental health, mental illness is also connected to grief. And I don't think people really understand that part of it because you go through trauma when you have lost a loved one and when you have been hit so hard, you know, losing a child or a grandchild. And so it's very difficult and hard. And sometimes we need someone to help carry us along the way we know God is, but we need that person also.

[18:20] FELICIA WILLIAMS: That is totally correct because like you said, men don't want to cry in front of you. You know, they hold that in. But I guess we have, I'm not going to say lucky because nobody's ever lucky going through anything like this, but the men that we have dealt with, they have opened up. And I guess if another man is there, and so you're young, so they probably like, let me tell this little girl, talk to this young lady because you look like a little girl, a young teenager yourself. So, but the thing is, they will, some of them will open up. Correct. And some will not open up. But I think if you have that male figure on some of them right there with you and they can talk to you, if they've been through that, they can relate to each other more than they would want to talk to a woman. But I guess I just feel like that old person that could, you know, relate to that. And, you know, back in the days, certain groups, races, did not even want to say, whatever happens in this house stays in this house. But a lot of us, per se, do not want to. They feel belittled by going to, saying they need therapy or going to talk to someone about trauma. They feel like that's mental health, but it's really not. But if we talk to them as one on one, like we do, it's no problem. Then, like you said, if we see that they really, really need help, then we can refer them and just mention it to them or say, here's a resource. I think that you, you know, but I don't want to be a doctor and say, you need to go and have therapy. For real? For real. So. Right, right, yeah, we're giving the resource.

[20:15] MELINDA HAMILTON: Right. It's so amazing. I remember after my son had. After his funeral services, one of his best friends called me, and, you know, of course I'm distraught and everything at the same time. I wanted to be strong for his best friend. And he called me and he said, they call me Mama Lisa. He said, mama Lisa, I can't do this. I was like, what do you mean you can't do this? He was like, I can't do this. You know, me and BJ, we hung out together. We was together all the time. I can't do this. I can't go to work without my friend. But that's my boy. He's my brother. Okay, make a long story short, I did not know until he told me that he had a gun up to his head. His parents was in the other room, and he was getting ready to kill himself. And I was like, no, no. I had to get outside of my emotions, step outside of who I am and what I was going through to meet the need and help this young man that was ready to commit suicide while his parents are in their bedroom and he's in the living room. And so I'm like, oh, my God, this is serious. Yeah, that was serious. And so not only are the parents or the immediate family is hurting, but you have, you know, one of the things I'm writing about is sibling sadness, siblings hurting, friends hurting, community is hurting, especially if they were a big part of the community and they're out in the world making a difference as well. And so a lot of times, you know, we don't realize that they hurt it so bad, you know, and they don't know what to say.

[22:10] FELICIA WILLIAMS: True.

[22:11] MELINDA HAMILTON: Yeah, they just don't. They don't know what to say. And sometimes the only connection that they have is us. Is us that's connected to our children that's no longer here. And so he would come over, actually call not long ago, actually, a couple of nights ago, just to check on me, my friend, my son's friends, they would come over, they will help me cut my yard, because that was one of the triggers. I realized that I had you know, was cutting my yard, because that's, that's what my son used to do, was cut the yard. And I found myself crying every time I had to cut the yard. So, Melinda have you identified any of your triggers? You know, what are some of the triggers that you have?

[23:02] FELICIA WILLIAMS: Well, what I miss with my daughter is that her big mouth. Cause Shemeeka was, she kept everybody laughing all the time. And, I mean, I missed her laughter because there was a certain laugh that Shemeeka had that I truly missed, you know? Cause sometime I could see something or think about something, and I was like, oh, if Shemeeka was here, she'd just be all on the ground and everything else with my grandson. I mean, Derek would call me every other day. Nanny, what you doing, Nanny? He would talk to me about different things, you know, that you would think he would talk to his father about, but his father wasn't in his life like that. And things that he would, he would talk to me about before he go and ask his mama about so and so and so and so. But, yes, it's a lot of little things that trigger me about both of them, but my grandson is like, I still can't believe neither one of them is gone. But I just talked to Derek, uh, the day before, and his birthday was gonna kill us. Is on a holiday. He's a new year's Eve baby, you know, he's a new year's Eve baby, and that's, that's what's gonna kill us. And the last two years, that's what has killed us when New Year's come, because we know that's his birthday, you know? So I never really, I really get.

[24:39] MELINDA HAMILTON: That because my son was murdered on Good Friday. And good Friday is a holiday, of course. And holidays are very, very difficult. And it's a good Friday to some, but it wasn't a good Friday to me and my family and my community. And so leading up to, you know, the death of my son, we was getting ready to take family portraits that Sunday on, on resurrection, Easter Sunday. And we never got the opportunity to take those family portraits. And it has been, it has been a trying time for us for holidays. And I know this Thanksgiving, all my sisters, I have eight sisters. Well, seven sisters. All my sisters came down to my home this, this Thanksgiving, and it was like, it was amazing. It was simply amazing. And I wasn't at home alone, or I wasn't, you know, in the grief where I'm missing my son. Because when BJ come, Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. Cause he liked to eat, and he didn't come by himself. He had a trail of friends coming with them, eating up all my food. And I started telling him, look, your friends need to tell their parents to give me $5 so I could buy some.

[26:09] FELICIA WILLIAMS: Yeah, that's the killer. Especially holidays when. When that person is missing. I mean, it's just like, I don't care who's here, but we always know that they're missing from here. You know? They're missing from here. You know, I'm never. The only people I had that close that would pass was my grandparents and. But nothing like this here. You don't. You don't expect to bury your own kids and stuff like that. Yeah. You expect for them to bury us. And I just don't understand why it had to happen. But like you said, God has a reason for everything. He has a reason for everything. And I want to, like, say, that's really all I have to say for in reference to this here. I know Christmas is coming up, and how we try to give back to some of our survivors is that we have a toy giveaway for the survivors that have kids. That we do every year since this has happened. But I do not celebrate New Year's Eve. Maybe it'll take a while for us to celebrate New Year's Eve, but right now, New Year's Eve to me is just another day, you know? I mean, I just want to be by myself or, you know, we do something for Derek, you know, go out to the cemetery. But New Year's Eve, I do not celebrate. I mean, it's not a celebration anymore. But like you say, it takes time for everything. You know, we have to let go and let God. So that's how I feel right now. I appreciate you taking this time. So you have anything else you want to say, Felicia?

[28:06] MELINDA HAMILTON: Well.

[28:10] FELICIA WILLIAMS: I'm praying for you. Yeah.

[28:14] MELINDA HAMILTON: I'm praying for you. And I know that these are trying times for us all. And know that you have a daughter, a sister, a friend that's here interceding and praying for you, your daughter, your family, and so many other mothers that's going through this loss, this grief that's unexplainable. You know, I couldn't even put a word to how I feel when someone asked me, how do you feel? Even when I was going to therapy, my therapist, she asked me, how do you feel? I could not find a word to describe how I was feeling and how I feel. You know, during this time, I looked in the dictionary, I looked in the Bible. I could find different words, but trying to find one word to describe how I feel, I couldn't and I still can't. So this is a pain that's undescribable. And so, like I say, you know, we're here, and I love that I can talk to someone. They really understand the grief and the pain that, you know, we've experienced when people call and say, oh, am I crazy because I can't sleep? No, you're not crazy. You're grieving. Is there something wrong with me because I can't eat? No, you just don't have an appetite and you're grieving. And so you want to let people know that they're not crazy. They're not, you know, going off on the deep end, you know? And if you see something or hear something, it's okay to offer counseling or professional help because you can go so far. And so when you can't take them as far as you winden, then share that information or share that, you know, that thing that you have resources with another person. So. And that's pretty much all I have. And just know I'm here.

[30:55] FELICIA WILLIAMS: Okay. I want to thank you, Felicia, for hanging out with me and us talking one on one together. And I down here, hanging down here in San Antonio and everything. So I really enjoyed myself today. So I can go back home feeling good, because after I know one thing, when I can't talk about something, it makes me feel a lot better. I mean, I start getting that little slow motion, but it makes me feel better when I can talk to somebody that's on my same level that's been there and done that again. I want to thank you so very much. And I will see you this weekend for our toy drive.

[31:40] MELINDA HAMILTON: Yes, yes. Thank you so much.

[31:43] FELICIA WILLIAMS: Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

[31:47] MELINDA HAMILTON: Thank you, too. Thank you, too. And you have a blessed day.

[31:50] FELICIA WILLIAMS: You too.