Michelle Hayes and Barbara Hayes

00:01 Hello, my name is Michelle Hayes. I am 46 years old. I'm in Chicago. Today's date is November 12th 2020 and I'm here with my lovely mother Barbara Hayes. Hello. I am Barbara cover. Hey, I'm 73 years old. I'm in Chicago. And today's date is November 12th 2020. I'm here with my daughter Michelle Hayes, which I'm proud of me by this is good to have this archive. So the family can hear and people all over we'll have a chance to see your contributions that you've made to society. So my first question is, how are you dealing with the pandemic? Like how is that affecting you and has anything good, you know come out of it. Although we know we have so many people have been affected in lost their

01:01 I heart and prayers go out to them. How are you feeling dealing with it and

01:07 Is there something good that is happened out of this? Oh, yes. I'll answer that tip. Okay with Coleman. I feel that everything has changed a lot of major things especially for me because my age I'm 73 years old and we've I've never experienced anything like this where the schools were shut down people lost jobs people getting sick people are dying from this pandemic. So I've been a good can't go to church nor can we really participate in any outdoor events usually during the summer. I would go to The Taste of Chicago or go to some of the different areas of communities in and get involved in there. You know, there are there little neighborhood Gatherings. So I feel that a lot of things have been lost joints pandemic and then I feel that something good has come.

02:07 Out of it. Although we don't have any meetings, you know face-to-face in brick-and-mortar but we do have we established a lot of funding because we do the remote learning to the remote a meeting with them and so soon and so we've had a lot of closeness with that because no one is leaving the house to attend any meeting. So with zoom we see each other anyway, and then we have a real good time socializing, you know, join the conversation as well as our meeting. So I think that he brought a lot of good things you could factors for me. So I'm more in touch with the people more so then the before the pandemic, okay, so and then our kids are close by I don't have to worry about seeing when I'm going to see, you know, my my nieces and nephews, you know, where do the zoom or the phone calls? So we're in touch.

03:07 Turn on each other in the group text and I appreciate that part of it and it's a big part of my life. So one of the questions that I have that I've always wanted to ask is you and Dad were married for how many years before he passed away 24 years. So what would you say? I know you're widowed. Now, what would you say to a person that is interested in if they know if they're looking for a mate. What would you what type of things would you share with them? It's okay. They look for okay some value some principles. I would say that make sure that you kind of know the person don't just jump into it, you know, sometimes people look at a person and soap

04:07 I want to be with that person. That's my first reaction, you know attraction. So get to know the person get to know their families when I was growing up and I was dating and I got serious my friend had to meet my dad and mom so usually the guy will come and whoever it is it for me. It was the guy my my fiance had to come and meet my experts before I can get engaged and then they had to have a conversation and then one thing led to another you no more contact with my parents and then to get to know him. So I'm saying those values such as you know honesty. Okay being very careful who you bring around you your family knowing that person education as well as

05:00 Some type of spiritual, you know background if they didn't then. Okay. We'll let that one go I guess but they didn't concentrate on that part, but then making sure that person had a job good job and make sure that the person love me. Okay, so I'm valued and appreciated make sure it is reciprocated and then to make sure that you are you spend more time one-on-one together you and your your day your mate if you thinking about and then to and some of the culture we had it with the partners of the marriage visit the two people had to go and get counseling from the past from the priest before the year before we got married. We had to make sure that our children were going to be Catholics because my husband was not a caplet.

06:00 We had to go to the priest before we even got married to have sessions with the priest looks like counseling if they were in a area where we could afford it. That would be the first thing but if not, then they will go to a public school, but may need them objective for the kids to become Catholics. Okay, you're saying that one of the things that people should look for is honesty. How do they have them meet your parents if their living by or someone important to you that you value their opinion you might. Not value but that person value but can you kind of compromise because it's going to be but you don't really want to compromise your principles.

07:00 Essential are you and Auntie Em and then make sure you use the you really love each other talk about this going to be a lot of Temptation out there, you know, so you got to be you got to be true. You might can't go with this infidelity kind of thing. Right if you don't later on if if something happened then you can talk about what can you do to fix your marriage problems in your marriage and we all have problems yours. Shut up. You got to know which ones are major problems. So whatever it is, you got to straighten that out. So you don't really want to talk about divorce just talked about getting it together strong without a list of okay. So your mom clearly you get when you get home and what is it? Like being a mom? How do you like them? I love being a mom.

08:00 I love being a mom because it's a new type of experience. First of all I had to do, you know, look at my life differently because I used to go out and you know what my friends, you know, we would go to like little places to to listen to music or go to a different place restaurant because you're raising a family that I have a lot of fun with you guys when you're growing up good good things happen and something's not so good like Jonas, you know, and then you get a frayed of what you should do making sure you can't make the right decision at the time, you know, so I would do use resources call my mother and say all the child is crying and crying and I can't stop her and I and so

09:00 He would tell me what to do, or maybe the baby has gas or something like that. She said how long is the child been crying and then I would say about 15 minutes. I'm know about 10 minutes. She's the old know she said well, okay. I'll tell you don't don't panic. She said okay just just pattern and she was at her a little bit rubber stomach rub her back and then put baby oil on a, you know, just trying to smooth and then she said talk to him play with and then eventually I play the music play the music and ideas that and you became find it only when it was really an emergency and I'll deny what she would tell me to take the baby to the doctor if you continue trying she was okay, you better take the baby to the doctor now, so it was like all four know. It wasn't a constant crying right 5 minutes. I'm saying 10 minutes. That's too long, but something like that.

10:00 The time but this weather car. Can you hold it for a second?

10:07 Sure. Do you need to just four?

11:49 Okay. Thanks Larry. No problem. Talk about you. Enjoy being a mom like what the field trips that you know family times. We took trips together. We had dinner the family will come over and then you guys had lots of friends and so you can have sleepovers. You just had so many different things that I enjoy being a part of, you know, I met the other moms. We became friends. Those are really good in in the older that I've gotten the more I realize that

12:45 A lot of people that I know did not have a good childhood because of its it looked like everybody did, you know just throwing up I just assumed everybody had a good mom a good dad at came from a loving family and the older I've gotten and they've actually shared things about their childhood that I had no idea was going it really breaks my heart and I can see the effects of how it plays out in their life now and so

13:17 I just I'm grateful that I was blessed with the mom and I have my sister not mailing that we talked about that all the time. I thank God we had the mom that we did and and and there was a guy I dated and I asked him a question about his childhood and I asked him. What do you really remember about your childhood and he went into detail about what he experienced and then he asked me what what do you remember about your childhood? And I told him the only the only feeling I can say is just really being loved. I feel safe and I felt love, you know, a lot of hugs like kisses a lot of reassurance a lot of building up a lot of a lot of bad and it's not here people tell me stories about how they got put down or you know, they didn't believe in them is just it breaks my heart or they were not in places where they were protected.

14:17 Oh, I I thank God that mail and I was blessed with the type of mom and dad that we had and I can pass that on to my children. But you you know, if you know the special early age, you know, and we try to make sure that you can and that's so important to men who were who were not on the same level that we were so, you know, we did have alcohol that but I'm just saying overall we try to be positive. We try to be people with you know spirituality. He knows far as being in church. I did that part, but all of that comes comes together and then helps the child if your child has some needs we will make sure that we

15:17 Care of those needs Girlie Show one time you were in the hospital and I'll because you you are urinating. So I had to find out what was going on and he said he told me that we're going to keep you there. And I said, oh my God, my daughter is going to stay in the hospital. You said? Yes. I said what's going on? That is a mother. I was very concerned. I was crying you said don't worry about it. She's going to be in good hands. And so I'm thinking what is it was going on so he found out what was wrong and he told me don't worry don't ask any more questions because she's getting better. So I appreciate it that so that was my first experience as a mother when one that kids brother got sick and had to go to the hospital. That's great. Thank you. So we're both so I've been a great daughter and mail obvious.

16:17 So remember when we threw you that 70th birthday party 3 years ago you had over 300 guests and when mailing that were frozen first booking at the lady at the Country Club, so will you have to make sure you have at least 50 people before we even run it out and weave like trust me my mom has more than enough friends to this whole place up. We are I worked overtime mail. She was just really getting it with their clients and we saved up a lot of my dad to make sure you had the best birthday badge numbers and we didn't even have a chance to invite all of your friends because of the capacity. So 300 guess they were all your friends. You know them all what would you say is the secret ingredient of maintaining like you have so many friends that love you and they call your phone rings like a sixty-year-old. They're calling.

17:17 Food off. They want to know do you need anything in there pick you up? Like my mom has the best friends like seriously, like they're good to us. They're good to my kids. So what would you say the secret ingredient is being a friend and maintaining friendships cuz you have friends from College from grade school exactly. How would you say you maintain your friendship first? I got to put in fun. Okay. I got to put that in because if people see that you're fine and you're approachable and you're positive and you give positive energy then that's becomes contagious. Okay. Secondly, I want to make sure that you know that we were friends because of our like you said you name the places I from College from elementary school from kids in the neighborhood that I grew up with. We had a special bond and that Bond means a lot because you've given up when you talk to me.

18:17 Will you listen when you listen to people you learn a lot? I wasn't the type that was you know, continually talking over and over or you know, not letting other people share their information on input about the conversation or dialogue. And then so you have to be a listener. You have to know when your friend is in need if your friend is in need you want to help the person you're okay. You want to help your friend? You got to be loyal to your friend. If you're not loyal, you know the music you you were talk about your friend Otis other people negative stuff. So I never did to that. I didn't don't don't deal with the gossip is going to circle back and I'm going to say you said blah blah blah. My mother taught me that early lot of friends who you're happy when you're with them and you're happy when you come back because you're talkin you still talkin about the what happened, you know, almost most of the my conversations and encounters with my friends then another thing.

19:18 Cheap build up their trust and then celebrate with them when they are having a victory with a birthday or their mothers are having something or they're having something for the mother or the father, you know anniversary. You want to help celebrate that you know, everybody's got invited to that use your close friend, but we were at that time when I was growing up we would have go to those, you know, because it was just you supposed to OK and then a little sister brother's birthday party and you know, this is why don't you want to go to a kids party, but they would save just come on by just use ice cream and cake and it won't bring a little gift at that time when I was growing up. You didn't have to call your friend and tell them that we're coming over just knock on the door. Go outside and play jump rope, you know, so ugly and you keep those relationship there and then when I talk when I had a Girl Scout Troop leader, of course I went on and on but

20:18 New friends but keep the old one is silver and the other's go see if those kind of things and it lasts until I learned that so I guess that's how I got my friends. And so we also called each other. You know, now that we had a call and you don't sell to can we do this together so that that extended their friendship so then the people see the sincerity and yeah, and you're not out there just trying to take over right? So that's how I developed mine. So that's good.

21:17 When daddy passed got versus sole your friends like she came up and showed out like food. We have food Galore like different Town Cars people come and answer the phone giving people directions on the you know, where the service is from being held what time like they were jazz hands on deck like goodness. I like Barbie. It will do this like we have food and I'm like like wild some like it made me realize we attribute that to you. But also just knowing that any time I see your friends that I've been. How's your mom?

22:02 I've never heard you have like arguments or fall out with your friends. I've never heard you gossip about your friends. I've never heard you say anything bad about your friends why I see professional life family women take care of their children the husband a lot of friends. So, I'm sorry, but I thought I'd learned it from my mom. My mom made sure that we know if you have a friend value that friend right if somebody else is talking about negatively you speak up for the person you don't have to always say something all the time, but don't get involved with their neck neck is negativity. You know, somebody says something negative about the person somebody else is saying something you say something positive about that person what you found in that person even if some of that stuff is true. You still try to help your friend.

23:02 Thanks. Thank you. Also want to ask you a question about before we get into your activism and your legacy. If you could just touch briefly on a fine childhood memory has so many of those six of you all and three girls. I called my parents the magician because we grew up in a small community. Okay, and when I say that small, I mean the community was close together. Okay. So if I needed sugar needed some sugar they could simply knock on the door of the neighbor and get some sugar if they didn't didn't the neighbor needed something from us.

24:02 Wait, that's what I mean by closed. So I remember when my mother and father had a big celebration outdoor. It was like for July 4th. Okay, my mother made sure that she made the homemade ice cream homemade. Okay, so she will let people know not only our family but people in the neighborhood they would share that was a big thing. So you got to put in that chair part so she would do that and my dad would help with ice cream cuz we had to get the ice in the end and we had to have a pic so we can chip that ice and put it in a Turner for the ice cream. So we did that we had a big party everybody. Was there an outside barbecuing chicken and and then also we had check homemade cakes. We didn't buy the case. We always made them and so we had all of that and we have the music going.

25:02 Panda everybody was laughing and having a good time. And then. Remember one of my cousin from out of town came and seen her in years. She was there so that was more. Yeah. I love homemade ice cream. Yeah, so you have done a lot in your 73 years of life from on my goodness. I was going at the telephone company briefly name off the things that you've done like assistant superintendent college professor.

25:45 Board president special ed teacher. I mean I know and then you sit on a lot of committees.

25:58 Why is activism so important to you like being involved in like social justice in your own? So you're on Criminal Justice Reform write your president of League of Women Voters HF chapter Board of

26:21 Where the Board of Education of Education like the board member, you know, you've done stuff for like less-fortunate people that under resource communities like stuff around Christmas time and you've always gotten us involved with like giving back that's right eye is activism so important because I learned that from my parents goes back to that. So if you'll bear with me, I learned a lot from my parents, but they are because they always had us in the ball whenever they were doing. We were there with them in the household we were involved with my mother was a Precinct where she went to prison Captain, but she work for the precinct Captain back then and then she would let us listen to how she got involved with that's the community so and she got involved we got involved. She don't want you to pass out this evening.

27:21 And pass out literature about voting but that was the main thing to vote and out how people have passionate. They are about voting. Yes, they were back then and so we had a hard time voting because of some folks oppression. Some of the machines weren't working. So we we found out about all that that was happening in our own Community, right so and not only our community, you know, we found out later that was happening in other countries black his historical black year instead. So we did so we started but that never stopped volunteer with the with the school's when the school needed something we would volunteer they had some kind of organization my parents will volunteer and then we would go on school trips and then if my mother was a volunteer so I can do all of that.

28:21 But who need it. If someone from the church so we would dig up our cans or staple items and make sure their family got it Christmas time. We know that's hardship time for something. So my parents always helped my niece my cousin and a few of the few of the neighborhood people it would help to have supper have gifts for Christmas. Like toys on hadn't been doctoring you. If you don't do it, then you're not giving your not coming from your heart to give to other people who are less fortunate than you know, you can't help the whole world but little bit helps when you spread the word. I'm calling it. Can you help someone so but I did that because I value decision-making. I want to be responsible for the children's education as I moved up.

29:21 An education I want to make sure that the kids have the necessary tools necessary for them to be able to elevate into just have growth you want to help growth. So that's why I did that.

29:34 That's wonderful. That's how male and I have become involved with no my racial Equity committee. I've done stuff with the stuff with my church Faith group talking about racial reconciliation and book clubs and you know, just I wanted to ask you before we go about your your legacy. How would you like to

30:13 What type of Legacy would you like to leave? How would you like to be remembered? I would like for people to remember that. I was a loving person. I want to share love okay internally and externally, so I'm saying it takes a lot of people to get together and spread the love. So it's so I feel that with love and education. You know, you got it help you just mentioned something social justice, you know and diversity equity and inclusion all of those play a part in our society today. And if you don't have that that passion that the confidence level, you know, it won't go anywhere. You got a spark and whatever you come up with that you'll see that's going to work for the community. You have to have that talk with our family Legacy of love and compassion I wanted

31:13 Did you know that you did something happen, you know and somebody didn't need to go to help that person or you going to get some resources to help the person so it's not all about you doing it, but giving them the option some leg work for them to do to get the resources or you can provide the resources. But whatever it is you let that person make the decision be there as a friend or family member whatever to help out to strengthen. That's what I want to make. Sure everybody is okay physically spiritually mentally. I know if you can just briefly chair about when you were special ed teacher and how you got the school to incorporate an elevator or Ram.

32:13 Okay. Sure. There was a kid in a wheelchair. He was in special education classes and he wanted to participate in some of the activities that the average student wasn't there before participating in the library the computer but the classes for those kind of classes were upstairs on another floor like the third floor. So what why I had to do is contact collaborate with the principal the special ed administrator to get an elevator for this kid so he can go up to those classes and feel good about himself his his thing was very low. So but he could participate if he could just get there. So after all of that and talking to the parents helping to the teachers talk to the principal week out of elevator installed and that's cool so that y'all could participate because

33:13 Teachers that want to bring those classes downstairs in Fresno. We had no wrong downstairs on first we had to do that for that kid to actually go and I was in the basement, but but not only that goes classical on the third floor not the first floor and constantly and I know it's going to be very costly but I had to talk to board members as well board members had to talk to the superintendent and principal all of that just to get this shell education that he knew even supposed to have in the first place.

34:13 Because the kids have been deprived so long not just him to stay stay on the basement or did they eventually bring them up to another floor change that because of the law we couldn't separate the kids and they had to be in the mainstream. Remember you were one of the first people to integrate that's cool. But where you at the school where you the only black teacher or they had other black teachers and all the hell. Yeah.

35:02 So so is there anything else but all really quick really quick that was really quick or said to you I said that I was affectionate person at that time. Can you share something that one of the kindest thing someone anybody we didn't go to the same school? She went to a different High School from me and she said you she said I like being with you. She said although we don't live in the same neighborhood because you good your kind. She said you're likable. You've always been positive for the most part unless I was upset or something like that or something.

36:02 But you take you so positive and she said that you know, and plus she liked me because I will keep our conversation confidential really private and she said that to you show so much Karen and you and you're very nice. My mother likes you and she would not let me leave the neighborhood unless I was coming to your house. So she said you were very kind. She said her mother couldn't use the phone discount complement each other.

37:02 And I can't wait for my children to hear it. Okay, how blessed I am and how how you been a blessing to so many people so well, I want to thank you to I want to thank you for being my daughter and giving me this opportunity because you were telling you two were amazing to my two daughters, but it's giving me this opportunity to be interviewed.

38:02 Thank you.