Mollye Miller Shehadeh and Craig Miller

00:01 Okay. My name is Craig Miller 71 years old today is Saturday, May 1st 2021. I'm located in Baltimore, Maryland and my conversation partner is Molly Miller and she is my lovely daughter, my youngest of two daughters.

00:24 I am mollye Miller shehadeh. I am 37 years young. Today's date is Saturday May 1st 2021. I also live in Baltimore, Maryland. My conversation partner is Craig. Miller my dad and we're ready to have a chat.

00:47 Okay, let's, let's talk. Okay. Okay. So, yeah, I want to talk with you about photography. Okay. I'm about how important preserving memories is for you and also for me so I am a professional photographer, as you know, I become a professional photographer. So I also have an interest in preserving memories and sort of the power of pausing time pausing, a moment and and capturing it to look at later and how important that is and kind of had this beliefs that it's important to recognize that life is fleeting and passes really quickly. And so, when there's something happening important to pause and see it,

01:47 And I don't think that everybody don't that, but I know you do that as well and you love to put together photo books Etc. And I first would just want to know what you think about the power of.

02:11 Well, photo does capture a moment in time. No question about that and photography cat captures, emotion, that can be positive emotion, or negative emotion, but it does. And, and looking at pictures and doing something has always been. I think a natural thing for people to enjoy that is to

02:35 Look at somebody else's life or look at your life, or look at your life earlier or look at your like yesterday, but we can't take pictures of the future. We have to get there before. We could snap a picture. I like to capture time and who doesn't think that some people? I guess don't have that interest. I wouldn't say that. I'm overly zealous in photography, but I certainly enjoy. It started. Taking pictures early and I always thought I had interesting subjects to caption and I could we can go into that a little later if you don't talk about that.

03:13 Yeah. Okay cool. Yes. Let's put a pin in that and then come back to that. I'd love to talk with you a little bit about your personal history, you're growing up. So you lived all over the country going up because your dad was in the military. So we're all to do it or moved around with the Granddad being in the military. My dad being in the military. He was a Navy Commander.

03:44 In about every two years. A military family would be expected to move. And so we lived in Wells. Fargo, I can recall we lived in Puerto Rico which was very interesting for a couple years. We live in Washington DC for a couple of years do 2 and 1/2 years in Puerto Rico. Lived in Coronado, California. Big San Diego being the nearby big city. Definitely San Diego being a Navy town, but we lived in Coronado, California, and that was actually that

04:24 Was a longer stay. That was maybe three years one time and then it was the second time. We actually, my dad actually went back for a second duty to our duty in the San Diego area. So that was twice. If I can spend my high school years, 9th shoe, Mount up. My high school years through 9th grade in Coronado, California. And and then after that move to Alaska. That was very interesting. I do with our shared that, you're not with you. But anyway, he had an option, three places to go for military order. Is it was New Orleans, Louisiana, or Brooklyn New York, or why was Kodiak Island, Alaska? Well, my dad, he majored in industrial engineering but his minor was in geology and deep and he always had a lot of interesting rocks, rock formation that you didn't know that I guess so,

05:24 So when it came down to the three, I do remember the three options as to work, we might go. He he said, what about Alaska? And I was off today because we were living in California. The time I thought about going to ask to be cool even today. I've been going to Alaska is it would be pretty cool anyway and would have been a good move for him in his career show. So that's what they're for six years and eight years older than you and work on fishing vessels during the summer. But but yeah, I know, I was a kid.

06:23 So do you think that when you when you moved around, did you miss people when you were leaving? Those places or likes to make friends? Or was it more like Owen, ventriloquist, go? I'm kind of it's amazing. The two years just passed now in my life. Now. I'm in my early, seventies two years is like I'm at Major friends and then you got to move and yeah it is what a dependent in the military. That is a child in the military has to face cuz I talked with other people who had similar similar experiences, sure, you're leaving friends and friendships and that stuff.

07:23 You move to different different place and you find new friends. But yeah, I know, that's just that goes with the territory of being in the military family.

07:33 My mom was raised in a small little, Kentucky and my dad was raised in a small town in Texas and this life for both of them to my mom and she loved it.

07:48 It was, you know, it was a wonderful life. We just program. It might have been more Adventure and kind of, she got to see the world and our country and she got to travel and she was being able to see the world and that kind of rubbed off on me in particular because they like traveling and they like new experiences and I like traveling and I like you and you like me.

08:37 I I think so too. So as you know, we talked about this many times because when I was eleven, when we moved from St. Louis, Missouri. To Baltimore. Now is really hard for me. I had really deep attachments to my friends. They're definitely. Like you said when you're young you find you are saving your identity. And those friends that you make are part of your identity and the places and then you think about your future and it's all sort of in that place. And so then we we had to leave and I didn't want to, but we what choice do I have at 11, whereas, you know, my sister Lexie was and I think that shaped me a lot and of course in the moment and for many years it was it was

09:35 Hard but now I do think definitely am I love of travel of them being in new places and knowing that it's okay to leave a place and try another one because you got yourself, you got people that you up but also that kind of wanting to hold onto memories I think and hold on to things that you know, we're going to not last forever. So I kind of forgotten that because I had been a number of times and this was a promotion for me and a big move in my career and Mom and I talked about that and we felt it was the best for us as a family, but I know that it if you were a really happy in your school and you had lots of friends and you were kind of the center of everything and

10:35 Why could it be better for you? And I I got to tell you I was a little selfish and not totally understanding where you were on that and you had a harder time. I'm making the adjustment of the new area that I thought you would, at least. I think you had a tougher time, but I think you did. But you did have a couple times and I was sorry to see you have a difficult time with that.

11:10 We both know I think is that place was kind of had fun and you got to look at this way to you met your beautiful husband and you would know if you wouldn't have met him perhaps if you had that. Exactly. But I think yes, it's hard in those moments by know that you you cared about me and you cared about our family and what was best and you made a good decision for the family. I think I needed that one was just someone to be consoling. Me and saying like Okay, you're still going to have this friend. They can come visit, you and more of that like Mom did that a little bit. But either way, it doesn't need to be a therapy session, but I just want to say that. I think that that was way more than I ever did.

11:57 But having that experience of like just leaving a play, some kind of eerie feeling sorrowful for having lots of ways and one benefit that the ties to what we're talking about here is that if I did leave a place where we did leave a place we left memories and some of those memories, we can look at that with Rachel, right? Cuz we had some great friends in St. Louis. You had some great friends there that you got to bring neighbor friends little kids. We had a great neighborhood that we enjoyed, and I can remember being involved with you guys as kids and shooting, pictures, and having fun with you. Cuz I was always kind of been involved at. I think last night was the kids and stuff like that, and they came over to the Miller.

12:57 A fun time probably Craig craigie was going to do something. Some kind of game or rainbow. Remember that we got in the car and we drove and drove you never placed on the end of that rainbow, but it was fun. Door is a sliding door. Like you always did things like that it so it's really neat that we have we have those memories that are that they're just they're not to remember them their memorable and then and then you also have things that you don't really remember very clearly until you see a picture and then everything comes back to you, which is really

13:57 Oh, wow, I remember that. Well, that's fantastic. Remember those people or that situation yet? You can't remember everything. But that's for pictures and photography, really, really help to document the Betrayal. You feel you've had the experience to life.

14:21 You said that the other night, you said that that your dad had this kind of cool video camera. He used to do the same thing for you guys when you were growing up, which I never knew that he took videos of you. But what I was a swimmer and I had swim meet, he did take the movies and 16. Mm. This would have been in the late 50s and early 60s, and he took movies with me with swimming. I was pretty good and so I won some races and so he wanted to get that. And and he may have taken the family and stuff like that. But whatever, sharing with you, the other evening was I, I remember that sitting down and maybe having family night movie Nights, you set up the big screen and it would have the tripod legs. And then you have to pull up the screen and then you had your projector in the real on the the spiced movies.

15:21 I could do more than one movie with the two movies or three movies and then slice them all together and sit down and and watch movies. And again, this season the sixties. And that's what I was doing. And that's how you documented that you could take pictures as well. Well, actually, that was an extension of Photography. Everyone had been taking pictures, but now you can take movies which was all new element was moving and thunder one, but they always ended up. Being you know, what corner is if it were Overexposed even on moving feel or or somehow the the film in the projector would would hit the lamp and start burning and it was it was

16:21 Remember fun times when he did show them in my family. I was probably the real photographer. No one else in the family. Seemed to take that much of an interest. I was going to point out lived an interesting places. So when I lived in the last guy, that was nice about 14 13, 14, something like that.

16:46 I forgot the kind of camera I had, but I did like slide and I just picked Duchess pictures, but I like them big to be in slides and and I had I had a slide projector and a screen that I could show them on. It's like that. But in Alaska, I mean my gosh, I've never lived anyplace, where you, you had such pretty lakes and such an enormous amount of mountains. And I didn't take my life because I didn't do that kind of stuff. But, but it was just very interesting and her friends that we would be doing things with my real interest in photography was, was there because everything that you could possibly want to remember was there to to, to document, if you could, if you could do it over there, during the big earthquake, take pictures of some of the damage.

17:46 We had in and around where we lived. I was a paperboy have told you the story before, but I was a paperboy and I had to pay for the bag that holds the papers completely off the out hanging on the front of being in the back of me and I'm out doing my route, walking doing my route. And a friend of mine had seen me and came over to talk to me for just a moment. As I was throwing papers and then all of a sudden we we we feel the Thunder is kind of thing under our feet and there's a rolling sensation and this was in March.

18:29 It's supposed to be off anyway, and we can see the snow on the mountains kicking off.

18:39 I wasn't like, I almost like oh wait there was kind of like a waves sound like a ways. It was kind of like you were writing up a surfboard. If you could be on when I mean very hard to stand up straight, severe enough, bad enough that we actually both fell over and then weeks and this was also the time when being an Alaska we were pretty close to Russia at the closest point 50 miles further away than that point. So but we were in a cold war situation was the Soviet Union in and my dad, being a military man it off and said that, if there's a nuclear attack in United States, we would being 2000 miles away in Alaska. We would to me with the probably steal the reverberations of that attack before it became enveloped in.

19:39 A nuclear situation and that was what came to my mind was.

19:46 An emergency. I never thought of earthquake. I thought this is a nuclear attack that my dad is talked about. You got to put this in the right framework. America was very much on edge and and and a nuclear confrontation was very real.

20:05 And daily life was controlled or governed by that, but I'd heard about it and I thought about it and he talked to me about it. And now I'm sensing is rolling sensation under my feet and I'm thinking this is it. Okay, we look for a flash. I know this friend of mine and we look for a flash. We look for underneath, listen, and then, and then we realize

20:40 It's been almost 2 years.

20:46 That's that's that's where that was.

20:59 Yeah, so that was my experience. Now. I did get some photographs after the effect. After the fact, there's no way up. There was no way I had a camera on me cuz they weren't versatile. Like they are today. How was in your pocket. Do your iPhone or something like that? But afterwards, I did get some pictures of those are around somewhere that I do photos. So I probably have a slight raise and also being a paperboy and delivering papers. I did finally get the anchors times for the paper that was delivered and I do remember a big broadsheet.

21:59 A couple of days after the earthquake at that had occurred and the delivering that to everybody on my paper out. It was a major historical front page of the earthquake in the crack experience. And then the next day, you're delivering a couple of days that particular, paper buildings that were damaged. We did live in Anchorage and photography can capture historical. So sometimes come to you, you can't go to history.

22:43 No, it's really, really cool. It's interesting with that story because

22:53 It's every time there's a new detail that I didn't know that. You're not embellishing it. It's just that another detail comes to your mind. And then you tell me that like I never thought about that. You look for a flash in the sky. I never knew that you saw snow jumping off the cliff. You didn't go to the details details.

23:27 Yeah, so I guess that is actually really good. Does interesting segue to talking about just photography as a historical record and how powerful that is like just to see. And also do like a lot of times it just a snapshot, doesn't have to be something that's some sort of artistic creation.

23:48 I can just see an old photo that usually these are in a shoebox closet. You can you can shoot something that has historical value to it. And and often times when I think I'm sorry, I think of it being a opposite or think or all the things. You normally think of it. I'm going to share something with you that I think it's really important got to thinking about it. What I was probably ten or eleven years old. I I have to do and I happen to be going through some books that were in the house.

24:28 One of a kind of heavy and I pulled it out. It was something my father at had or something and I don't know where I found it. Anyway, I opened it up and oh my God, it was a book of photography of second world war. And and in particular I had never seen.

24:55 Dead bodies before I never seen a dead body for an 11 year old. And I'm looking at, I'm coming through this thing. I'm sure they would not have wanted me to look through this book. It was something he probably picked up.

25:06 Occurrences of the war or the whatever. But it was a, it was a Subway type situation where hundreds of people were caught by a bomb that is going off. And the people that were laying in disarray that were they were deceased, they were bodies and I was 11, and life is looking pretty sheltered life. And I was looking at this and it just affected be something terribly. I just was very frightened by what I saw and never really discussed that with my parents, like that, but it did strike me when I thought about Ken Griffey. Should I grab you?

25:56 In a, in a, in a shocking way and not in a way that why can't you and uncle that most photography? I think of is the good stuff. I need a the happy moments photography can move you through emotional, emotional spectrum, and I was an example of something really, really pretty awful.

26:31 Pictures of death in America were very protected. Our our newspapers do not publish the cutest death destruction, we go he go to Europe for instance and there's a bomb that went off or whatever. They're going to show you. On the front page. The mangled bodies of people who've been killed and I that's just something that are our news agencies are held to your not going to Shallotte or drink, you know the story or not a disaster in London, people being killed. That's the story and seeing it is not pleasant or IRA bombings and in Ireland, back in the

27:31 80s or 90s whatever that was pretty disturbing to see that kind of stuff.

27:43 It's true. But and like the New York Times, for instance. They have the most amazing part of Magnum photos. They don't, but they do. But there's a way of showing destruction, communicating the emotional gravity of something has happened without just taking a picture of a dead body and Tangled. So they're in that way. It's kind of kind of wicked a little bit when you think about it, but it's like making Artistry so that you can get that emotional sense that you did of those dead bodies. But without shocking you into feeling like you just, you've been exposed to something that you wish you hadn't. But I know you probably want to get into and you're the kind of photographer who

28:43 Literally, I talked to the Natural post. I'm the kind of photographer who likes to be the director. I like to set up my my shot. I like the balance out, the, the composition. I'd like to make sure that I don't have something to parlor, right? Or I don't have a light pole in a picture. I'd like to set it up and I think there are two types of photographers. So probably more than two times that I am. I thinking of these two pipes, one is like you and I think it's a great time but you have and being able to capture something in its Essence. There's not time to set it up. It's just that moment and and there's a certain she ready to do that and I think it takes a lot of town to do that. I'm the kind of guitar cover. I'm I can't. I might catch that kind of moment.

29:41 A chance, then but likes to get together and make sure their heads are together. And I want that perfect smile and you turn, right? Or To the Left End. When you're too tall. I want to get you over here and I kind of like to direct the scene while I want to capture that. Now I get it to the right or the left the picture of the right. So I think I'll make them out and slightly little smile. No, that's not good enough smile. And you know, your smile is my future children.

30:41 And so they're doing much better at that, you know, but

30:46 Oh, yeah, cuz y'all got some bad plastic. I've seen those smiles and I don't care. But yeah, no, no tell people what to do, but I also don't want like cold behind people and I don't want, I want a mountain. I see a cloud and I want it all the picture. So what I do is well want to take a bunch of pictures so that I can get a bunch of different angles. And then I, I know I can pick the best one, but you're right. I like a candle. I don't want people smiling at me. I don't want to look at all the documentary style.

31:38 I don't want to do more kind of photojournalism, type of work where I'm actually documenting a thing that's happening and of an event or a condition. So the other day, I was driving by this part of Baltimore that when I used to work down at Hopkins, but this is my route. I would take home. What's the road? I don't even remember but it goes kind of its East Baltimore and it's a very poor area. That's very poor stretch of road and you see, the liquor store and you see how those abandoned houses those kind of shuttered places and then he'll see that people live next door to the shuttered home. And I've often gone by and they're walking around all that, and I was by the other day and I just finished up a photo shoot. And then I saw all these little kids outside.

32:36 Some of the older was there with them and I didn't know quite what they were doing, but I was just very interested, but the light turned green and I needed to go. So I'm right here and turn around, but I might not, I got to do it. I'm still on the drenalin. I'm feeling that that beating in my chest when I turn so. Yeah, I'm not a nice area, but I'm not, I'm not concerned and smell the day by. I walk by and I see the kids and I come up to the time. I say I take a picture of y'all the first day all gathered on the steps.

33:36 And they're looking these popsicles and they're kind of happy with the Popsicles and take a picture. And I like that, just like I wasn't here and I know this is one little girl does not possible. I said, she's not saying I do. Why doesn't she have a popsicle? I quit cuz you haven't talked and

34:06 There's kind of thing. I don't know what they said, but she just wasn't anything to yourself. So I took the photo and I found a really interesting because when I look back at it all of their kid like that because you're happy and she's just she's looking right at me about this Popsicle. So it's kind of this poignant moment, but like and I kind of wrote this piece on Instagram about it because that urge to turn around so strong but that's kind of what I'm about. So it is Joy, write a guy. I was like, though, they're actually joyous. I wasn't expecting Joy. Here. They are the kids. They're happy that this is there an early for you, but whatever.

34:47 Little little girl, not have a popsicle. I don't know why you wouldn't say anything. She just was like looking at me. I am not sure but those the kind of photos. I like. So it's it's it was I came up to them and said, may I take a photo with I could cut the walking sometimes. I do that and sometimes I engage more deeply with them and I might say, what are your names? What's what are you doing? Is this your neighborhood and kind of really going to come. But at this time, I just went, by the way, those are kind of photos that that I like a lot and I kind of is a good way to ask about empathy because I think, when I, when I drove my head that feeling like turn back was, because I felt something deeply for these kids on the street. I think I might will nephews

35:47 They will fancy like they have at their don't even make out all the time and all that if you were a great photographer and you got it in your blood and you are so much better than I ever could want to be an alliance with you though. It's me, because you feel deeply and you love to preserve their memories and you've always had this relationship. I think with with with time, with knowing, hey time is passing. This doesn't last forever. Here. We are less memorialize it and just in your conversations with me young kid. You said, like when I was a young kid, we were in the car. I was looking out the window, and you just said,

36:38 Isn't it strange that we're just we're just blips versus little blips and time, like, our lives are so small and what we're just going to be gone soon. And that's it. But and has a kid getting mad. It's like wait what? I'm a special snowflake. Maybe I should have said that to you because you are special. Snowflakes snowflakes, right. Every life is precious and but I think the point of trying to make the time we have on this Earth is limited. I may have misspoken when I sent you that we were expected to receive point taken. It wasn't some heard. The conversation is just like hey,

37:26 That's Heavy, you know, that's a heavy thing to hear. But at the same time, it stuck with me. I just remember it and it's it is true because yeah, maybe, I don't know and we're probably looking at the Grand Tetons, with your Majestic mountains and perhaps I was just trying to make a point that

37:49 In these mountains of being in the car and having a family trip is a moment in time. They said it was a moment in time and sometimes I don't know what you've done in your life or not. But I have in mind, it's been a particular moment in time that I take a mental snapshot and say, I'm going to remember this moment in time. I'm going to remember the music I hear or I'm going to remember the cold that I feel in my cheeks or whatever and then I'm going to remember this forever. There aren't too many of those moments, you know, remember the mall, but I got a few that I do remember that my life and that was kind of one of them. I know we were taking that trip out west and we were and I think your sister was asleep. But you are you are always alert and up and looking at it and I just thought that through the rear-view mirror. I just thought I need to speak to my little Molly and say that this is a moment in time and we need to cash.

38:48 In This Moment, the best we can. And that the life we move forward and we may forget this moment, but let's try to remember it. Well, thank you, honey. I've enjoyed this conversation. The subject and I think this is a rare opportunity to talk and let others share our experiences together. Thank you.