Mysia Cole and Greg Stemm

00:06 Hello, my name is Greg. Stemm I am 59 years old. Today's date is January 29th, 2020. We are here at the Gulfport public library in Gulfport, Florida the name in my interview. Where is Dawn? I'm not sure what my relationship is to you is a new friend and perhaps the baby is January 29th, 2020 and we are in the beautiful Gulfport, Florida. I am here with Greg my conversation partner who I just met and let's say friend, Greg. Thank you for coming in to speak with us today. So I guess I will start the conversation off by asking you where you grew up.

00:53 We thought it was a Midwestern boy, I grew up in and around Columbus, Ohio couple of little small towns. We lived in at different places. I'm right around Columbus. I went to high school in Mount Vernon, which is about 80 miles north of Columbus. I spent pretty much my entire early years. They're my family spent two years in Pennsylvania over close to Scranton Wilkes-Barre for my dad's work and then we came back to Ohio. I move to Florida right after college graduation know I graduated in June of 1983 and I moved to Florida in July of 83. I originally moved to Winter Haven. I had a job in Winter Haven, but I knew there was a position open in St. Petersburg that I really wanted. And so I thought I pissed my chances of getting that job will better from Winter Haven than they were from Columbus and it turned out that's what happened and

01:53 I moved over here to Pinellas County in October 1983 and I've been here ever since I'm going to back up a little bit and I'm going to ask you a little bit about your family whatever you care to share. So can you tell me a little bit about your appearance the type of work they did and if you had any siblings, I'm sure will I'm an only child so that I presented its own set of challenges and opportunities both. Let's see, I would go most characterized. My growing up is almost her like a Leave it to Beaver family. My parents were married for 40 something of yours. My mother died of breast cancer in the 1980s about we had a really wonderful funeral home life. We

02:43 Or involved with the number of different faith-based organizations. I am technically a Birthright Quaker which meant my parents were Quakers when I was born they belong to a very different sect of Quakers that I belong to now Evangelical Quakers. That's what they were and those kinds of pictures are much more Christian and more and have a program service with administering a choir and then going to the Quaker Meeting I go to now and St. Pete is unprogrammed, which means we worship in sign ups it was

03:16 They were there was doing and I was a bit of a precocious child. I would say I was always like top of my class, you know people who hated me because you know, the teacher would get a quiz and it would be graded on a curve and everyone else will get you know, 72-90 on it and Greg we get 207 because he did the extra credit and Gordy got it, right, you know, so they were there were and I've learned that as I've gotten older some of the things that that was I was on the far end of the bell curve in terms of intelligence and that was challenging sometimes.

03:49 I was not much into sports and but I was very into the Arts and I was a very intuitive act enacted a member of my marching bands both in junior high school high school and college and high school went and marched in one of the parades in Mardi Gras. And so has a big trip for us to pick up for Ohio and my marching band in college was interesting. I went to small liberal arts college Otterbein University some of you may remember having to see naught Irvine one of the presidential debates. They had one of the debates about Irvine. It was interesting cuz at the time they were about fourteen hundred students who went to Otterbein and almost three hundred of them or in the marching song Any Given Saturday, you were either out on the field playing the football game or you were in the stands playing in nursing at the only other people who are her parents.

04:49 It was on the it was a bit. It was somewhat of a lonely experience. Sometimes I recognized it's funny cuz people were asked me when did you know that you were gay? I don't know that there was a like a burning bush moment. Like, oh, I think it was a realization of dawning of realization and I was becoming aware of that in high school and I felt very alone at that point. I didn't know any other gay people here. I am in a little town in literally in the middle of a cornfield in Ohio and

05:35 That change time in college. Although I was still pretty much in the closet and balance. I really didn't come out until I came to Florida and part of what that was. I needed to get away from my parents much as I love them. We can talk about it later my coming-out experience, which was not good. So

06:00 Let's see.

06:04 I was involved a lot in a drama and high school 4A Smalls, you know School in the middle of a cornfield. You had a pretty active theater department and we did at least two shows a year and some of our fairly Challenge and we did Midsummer Night's Dream. And so we know smile more pretty pretty interesting and I enjoyed that in fact, one of the reasons I went to the university that I went to was I thought at the time I might want to consider becoming a theater major and I was so grateful to Otterbein because it not only showed you the tools in the things that you needed to become successful in the theater. It also gave you a glimpse of what life is going to be like your life is going to be like if you have to really be successful in that endeavor. You kind of have to be almost maniacal about it to the exclusion of everything else and I was just going to rain, at college that there were just so many other interests that I had. I became the managing editor editor of the newspaper. I was elected to the Board of Trustees. I was in a

07:04 Maternity I was in the marching band. They were just all these other things that I wanted to do and I use as much as I continue to like the theater. I didn't want it to dominate my life. So it was glad I mean it I only was only maybe a quarter or two and then I became a Communications business major and know when you are younger with what do you think you would what was in your mind what you think you were going to grow up and do as as far back, I guess it's you can remember.

07:35 You know, I was wondering I don't think I was one of those kinds of kids that said, you know, I want to be a fireman or I wanted to let you know. I don't I don't know nothing necessarily that I was that I never thought of that I am.

07:46 When I got old enough to be kicked to give it some consideration. I probably would have thought that I would probably be involved in something with the Arts. I was always really good communicator and a very good writer. So I would have presumed that whatever I did there would be at that component Communications in the writing that would become part of that. So

08:13 I had my junior high school English teacher who was a significant person in my life. I even said to me, you know, I break it if you continue to write and write. Well, you can pretty much do anything you want to do. She said, you know, a lot of people just don't write well.

08:33 Tell me more about that teacher. Why why was why why was she so significant? Well, I would say both my both my teachers were significant people. I think because person for slope form of both of them were advanced placement classes. So I was finally in a room with peers with it that I didn't feel like I was the most intelligent person in the room and I had the teachers who recognized and appreciated that and you know, it would we would challenge us knew that she could challenges in ways that a normal process you couldn't do it. We did it take the six Shakespearean tragedies in 5 weeks. So we was intense assistant that we did was intense and she used to hate us at the respect. Whatever Raider her last name was Raider just hate us cuz you know, we could do multitasking sitting here and I can be

09:33 Coming in full conversation with you what she's talking up with his aunt and she said, excuse me Dawn Greg. What am I talking about? You're on page 62 line for 3 Fairgrounds down so you so you went to so I guess we'll go go forward now, but one more question before we do that what type of work did your father do that? Let you to go to Pennsylvania Manatee plant management and they were opening a my dad had been working for Westinghouse from Columbus and they were opening a owens-illinois was opening a new plant and that area if Pennsylvania in a wonderful opportunity going to plan management. That's why we went to the home to Pennsylvania.

10:31 What's in a very successful move for us? We weren't really very happy there my mother I had a brother and my mother carried a child all the way to charm and he died 2 hours after he's born while we were there. So that was tough and also you that we lived in the Pocono Mountains and 45 inches of snow at Christmas time with lot for us, even if we were away from family, and I'm going to stuff so my dad had an opportunity to see a plant that made picture to speak easier place. And there was a plan which is south of Columbus and he took that job, Ohio College in, Florida.

11:27 Well again, I started as a theater major and I was grateful the fact that I learned pretty quickly. That was probably not what I wanted to do and I started getting really involved in Communications stuff. I am I worked on the College radio station. I had my own and it was only her several times and that's one of the most interesting stories I have is this is back in the old days when we had an AP machine now, everything is Buy computer now that we had one of the old lady music to Tik Tik Tik Tik Tik Tik Tik to pick it up and it had a bell system and like one Bell was like

12:07 You know a cat gets big enough got stuck in a tree it wasn't I think five Bells we were like a nuclear war or something, you know, so I'm sitting on I'm sitting in my shift one afternoon and I hear this thing day and it goes I ain't got $5. I'm like, oh, oh what the fuck is going on here. So we might like we just let you know that I so I get up and run over and I ripped the sheet off. And the first thing I said there was fighting with it and didn't have any more to put the details of said President Reagan has been shot more details will follow so I went in for an interrupted might know my schedule and said wob and has just learned that President Reagan has been shot. We will give you more details as soon as they become available. So that was kind of interesting to be part of history is always happening if you on the airflow it was happening so I know it's not a name. I got involved with the newspaper to Media managing editor of a newspaper and that allow me to write more to wish I could be doing.

13:04 So you mentioned that when you decide to come out it wasn't a very

13:10 Favorable time in your life. What would you like to share about that? Others won't have the same kind of experience growing up. My parents especially being Quakers had neck was a trip in the 1960s. So everything is about race relations. My parents are always very much like you judge a person by their contacted their character not the color of their skin, you know, and we're very much intake quality kinds of things.

13:45 And they put they said to me but as I was growing up over and over and over again.

13:52 They would say to me Greg. There's nothing that you couldn't bring to us that we couldn't talk about and deal with together as a family nothing.

14:02 + from a fairly early age. I always found it back on my mind. Yes, except for the one thing. I really kind of do need to talk to you about and there was fear there of course for many years about what that was going to look like and how they were going to react. So what happened was it was on my 25th birthday and I had a partner at the time his parents did now and my parents didn't know that we were roommates so intercourse when they came to visit we had to go down coat straighten up condo make it look like there were two bedrooms and make sure they weren't any Advocates laying around to do that now his mother my partner's mother's birthday is on the same day as mine and which is 4 days after Christmas. So both sets of parents were visiting.

14:53 It's my birthday and I would like to spend time with my partner. I've got my family jerking me in One Direction and then there's the other with his family trying to we're trying to coordinate celebrating his mother's birthday and I got my birthday all together and all the time and it was just it was just got it became overwhelming to me at that point. And so I sent my parents down in the hotel room, Clearwater Beach and and I told him and

15:22 Dawn they said every possible awful stereotypical thing the parents of an only child who has just come out could say to me, you know, whenever going to have grandchildren. This is very selfish choice that you're making, you know, I mean, it was just horrible just terrible things and validated all of the fears that I had growing up that this was the way that they were going to react. I process that later, I guess some and saying to myself. Well, I had 25 years to process this and I'll be okay with him after with it. I really can't expect that to be on board with us after 25 minutes, but

16:03 Things got very complicated afterwards because that was in 1985 now a 1987. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and it was bumpy couple of years because she had a mastectomy and then she had another mastectomy and she had chemotherapy. It went into a brain tumor which they were able to operate and get rid of that. But this is over the course of time down here, aren't you there when she's up there and if I have been to the spinal fluid and that's all right.

16:42 I was glad that I had told her before she died and my parents.

16:48 Kind of sort of Lynchburg that way they were visiting a couple of years later and we have been I called the Howard Johnson lunch. We were Howard Johnson's in Orlando and they basically said that they were still really didn't understand this and they certainly didn't approve of it, but I was their son and they love me and you know,

17:14 So that was that their kind of way of

17:18 And it at the way they did as much as late as I could come now. My dad told me that my mother went to her grave thinking that me being gay was and I said, well. I'm 15. I don't think this face is going to look away at my dad over the years. Of course you do with the family Dynamic that we had. It was like a three-legged table table, you know, you're not one of the legs out from underneath that whole thing Falls over so my dad and I had some challenges on my mother died getting used to our relationship with them and I think over the years my dad became okay and comfortable with about that. I was gay not quite sure sure that he's wild about me being such an activist. You know, I love it when I called. I called him and I said to him and fighting with them.

18:18 What did you do with my what happened was? I was surprised that you and I had a reporter from the times call me up and say we had a conservative mayor at the time but this is 1919-20 2005 with a conservative mayor. It was a lunatic at the time and this reporter calls me up and says the mayor says he's not coming to your event because he doesn't believe in your agenda. Would you like to comment on that? I'm picking up something at holy mother of God. Do not really know you're using the word agenda like gay agenda. I get up my kind of thing.

18:59 So I took a deep breath and I said, well I said actually I dunno mayor Baker and I think they are baker has done a lot of really good things for St. Petersburg. So I think the mayor may have been misinformed or mislead in some way because I said first I'm not absolutely certain that we've ever sat down and tried to figure out if we had an agenda for st. Pete Pride, but if you insist the intended for st. Pete Pride is to promote the city is one of the most diverse and Culture lyrics cities in the United States, and I can't believe in him are we have a problem with that. Started a week? And then when I was wrapped in a rainbow flag also and color on the front page of the paper that was maybe a little much for him, but I call you up and say something like I said in the paper now, at least I was with a girl.

19:59 She was a lesbian, but at least I was with a girl so don't tell me about that. How did you and I may want to swing back to like your career that you got into after college, but we did talk about your activism. When did that start and take off with you know, kind of inspired that

20:22 I guess a lot of my my

20:27 Probably not until I was in my 30s or even maybe 40s, you know, when you're young in your twenties and thirties are trying to get your career started in relationships and you know what everything that you do and then that time and I don't know that I was really all that into it that started to change I guess in the and probably

20:53 Well, there were a couple significant things that happened in my life and I talked very openly about these I was diagnosed with HIV in 1992, and I had a partner at the time it was also Diagnostic and

21:08 We went through four years before the new meds came out of what we called. What difference does it make so, you know, we bought the house of her dreams and we went to Tahiti and we went to a robot and we went to Costa Rica and you want to spend $5,000 on outside furniture. What difference does it make we're going to live fast Die Young and leave a lot of death. You know, this is a funny story cuz it's so true is so beautiful. I scored four years later in the same Doctor Who had told me that it was unlikely that I live to be 40 is telling me now that if I take these new drugs as they are prescribed, there's probably no reason that I want to live a long and natural healthy life cuz my first reaction is hallelujah. I did was pick up the phone. So I don't know. Why did I got off topic here?

22:08 Reasons to have a good one and that was one of the motivators.

22:14 A selfish late now

22:16 I guess what happened with STP Pride was a friend of mine had was one of the other people who was like what are the whirly bounders and he started talking to me about getting off at this and you know, I thought that maybe one of the roles that I could play would be to help with Media stuff help and he said oh no, no, no. No, I want you to run the parade because earlier jobs were singing now in a little bit job my very first job when I move to Florida when I move to St. Pete was there was a big celebration here in town was for the Festival of states.

22:53 Bad High School marching bands took her so there is a do the march of the ants go marching bands who came in from all over the country and competed with each other and there were three major parades there was a day parade and I prayed and prayed 200 Public activities. We got a full-time year-round stop at six people. So it was a big pig that so he said, you know, how many people do do I know where I'm going to be able to you know, I know how to run a parade so I want you to run the parade and I said, okay, okay, so so I guess I got me involved and pride although I am going to be honest with you, you know.

23:30 I was following advice from people relationship advice and people were saying to me get involved with things that you believe in and you'll need a partner. You'll meet somebody and you know like that. So I still holding on to it has been 20 years ago. I went and started the Gay Pride Celebration. I'm not really quite sure how much more involved I can eat and then I guess you know what it was. So kind of one thing leading to another and I got involved in that and it was then I guess the meeting about 15 years, I guess.

24:06 I had been I was in at the senior center Foundation board. The philanthropic group is supports the senior center and I was coming out of a meeting and I overheard one of the other members talking to somebody about this wonderful Quaker Meeting that you've been going to and how wonderful the people were and all that kind of stuff. So I had been kind of Towing in my mind over the years that I should probably maybe check out Quaker Meeting again, you know, so I went over and started talking to her and is it turned out there was a carpool some people here and go party. We're going and every Sunday morning. So I have about 15 16 years ago, I guess and you pretty much are not Quaker or less you're involved in some sort of activism. That's sort of the tenets of what the faith is. There is an old saying that

24:58 Okay, somebody and old Quaker brings a new friends and bring you to Quaker Meeting Dawn. Okay, and we can we sit down and we sat there in silence for a few minutes and sound Let's Go song on a new person leans over to the old Pickering says suck. My dick has began and he'll pay for says this is our meeting for worship our service begins when we walk out the door and another another thing that I tried to live. My life by is another old Baker saying is that we need to let her lie speak.

25:29 So

25:32 It means that we

25:36 Did the way we're living Our Lives should be reflective of the values that we hold dear and Quakers hold. No have no Doctrine or set the ology. So but we do try to live our lives with some tenants which RM Community the qualities Integrity Community equality.

25:59 Integrity and stewardship of the Earth

26:04 So I might I got the Simplicity is in there, too. I think I missed that one. So I'm trying to let my life reflect that just say whatever it is that I'm involved with Raymond, you know planning a Gay Pride Celebration. I'm marking and I'm out MLK parade or I'm you know, getting an interview to a newspaper about what it's like to be a long-term HIV survive, you know, I think you have to be bold and I think you have took like you no speak your truth and I was going to ask you about the Quakers ever tell you you said it was quiet. So you is it almost like a meditative where you go in for maybe like an hour and you just sit in silence with a group of people or could you do a little different from meditation? Okay some similarities in silence for an hour.

27:02 Now what it's called and quakerism is called expectant waiting. So what we are supposed to be doing in that our is listening to God listening to messages from Spirit.

27:14 If you are moved by something and you feel there's a little process either throat. I think I'm a message from God. Are you sure are you sure that's not just something you dreamed up now my pretty sure that's okay. Then you go to the process of saying well was that a message is from me or send a message? That should be shared. If you feel it's a message that you should be shared system where the quaking comes is, you will feel compelled to sand ensure that message now St. Pete meeting even in the wider Quaker world is known as the Social Action meeting. So our messages have a tendency to be a little political sometimes and you're not going to need any Republican to the Quaker meetings. So we're very far left going back to when you you you were diagnosed during the eighties. I know there was a very sensitive. When you got news like that, what was it like

28:14 When it time to find out it was absolutely terrifying and we need lots of decisions and let you know I can made the decision that I wouldn't tell my dad because he just lost his wife at 40 years is a couple years earlier and I didn't want him to be worried about his son was not going to die. And I'm plus we were health aide where I would totally help a so, they're releasing. It wasn't nothing. You need to that.

28:41 You know after he and I broke up and I would be being single again my feeling without sharing it with like a date or somebody like that was unless it looked to me like the situation may be coming into my one. I didn't really think it was any of the other person's business. Honestly, I went through like my kind of different realization came about because I am a recovering alcoholic and so I been I was very comfortable and very outspoken about that and I'm like why am I telling people I'm an alcoholic and not telling them that I'm hiv-positive. That's absolutely ridiculous. And why am I not sharing that in AA meetings important part of my life and I wouldn't say it was a reason I drank but it was contributing factor so they came and I think I was at that was a turning point for me was

29:39 You know if I was going to be going to be open and honest about that how I met in my life and I have to tell your girl for it or what a wonderful time and turns it that recovery. I had gone to I was the director of the Chamber of Commerce at the time. This has been about 15 years ago too and I went to the volunteer leadership and I said, I think I have a problem with this tonight. Then she said really we hadn't noticed. Is that clear to?

30:11 But what they did the chamber's gave me a month off with a okay. Give me a month off with pay to go get help and by the time that I had gotten all my insurance and everything put in place. I can really going to detox. So I just use that time that I just want to like 7 or 8 a.m. Is a day for a month and very very strong support and I made the decision early on that being in a high-profile position like that in the chamber that I didn't think it was going to be appropriate or even possible to maintain some sort of anonymity about this. So I just let people know I'm an alcoholic I go to meetings on you. So there is really the very little signal out here in town. We were town of 12,000 people. We have seven different AA meeting is not a whole lot of stiglitz of associate with this and the cool part about Gulfport is now to if I go cuz everybody knows if I go to a party and we're social Carolina we have lots

31:11 You know I come in the door and see if you can make it the bars over there and we've got soda and water and juice and nobody ever talks with me a drink. How long has it been?

31:23 I've been sober almost nine years continuously. I had a few years before that where I had a bunch of mess ups for 1 year Medallion into two year Medallion some before you settle down and tell me about your contact with the librarian your thoughts around Gulfport Library means to you. I think we are totally Reinventing. What a library is here is our library has become a cultural and Community really and we have performances here musical performances have art shows we have you know, what variety of different kinds of things that we do and

32:13 I am very proud that for a little Library. We have this wonderful Resource Center is lgbtq Resource Center, which was actually started by the philanthropic group of a library the front circle of friends and we were under their umbrella up until just recently and we became an independent by 1C Prix start with we have about 7,000 volumes of gay and lesbian literature both fiction and nonfiction sci-fi fan. And I was delighted that I found a huge volume of Science Fiction works by gay and lesbian authors with gay and lesbian themed it's hard to find that but it was they are and and of course then just I think we have one of the world's largest collection of lesbian Mysteries. Let's play mystery novels. We have quite a collection of those and it's not

33:13 This collection is not stuck away in a Dusty corner somewhere. You were going to see it the first moment that you walk into our library. We're very proud of it. So we don't hide it away. Now. We do a lot of programming and was one of the reasons why we won the award that we wanted the programming that is closest to your heart or that excites you the most worried that maybe you you see that the community is excited about the most well-known is pride month. So we we kick into high gear and we do at least an event a week one of the events that we're leaving lose me and this is what we do at the very beginning of that. I'll miss your scheduled on the 30th of May Saturday. We got her down at the casino and last year for specifically in their anniversary of Stonewall. So this is how this March started was the last year but work I think is going to come in and do all of that that our mayor vice mayor who is gay

34:13 Did the Friends of Dorothy March so we wear ruby slippers and that kind of stuff what does a lot of fun so we March from the casino down to the library which is right down to the middle of town usually all we have a little marching band here in town. He usually they lead us one of the songs that they play as Funkytown which is appropriate for Gulfport and when we get to the library, then we haven't been a few people say a few words in that kind of stuff and we raised the rebel flag over the library where it stays for the entire month of June then from there we go into a opening reception for an art show called heart out and tell him it's features some of our great lgbtq artists and it's up to the Inter-Mountain few minutes while I just went to incorporate this ain't what what why did you end up moving to Gulfport? What Drew you here?

35:13 Write notes for 10 years and I think would happen with the two of us was like, okay. I know I said till death do us part that I meant for years 40 Years of you were going to drive me insane. So we parted amicably and he bought my share of the house. So I was looking to buy a house on my own in St. Pete. I met a guy down here that we dated briefly and it's being friends and then he introduced me to a real estate agent here in town who I really liked and I wasn't working with a real estate agent yet. So now Michelle was more than willing to show me houses at STP which is where I would start working, but she and Jim started bringing me the party's here in town introducing me to people I fell in love with the people.

35:57 Interesting lien off a such a I get a kick out of hearing the story is that they sing to me all you got to move to pop or you got to move to go for it and I've lived here for 37 years. Remember, I remember when Gulfport wasn't quite so nice. And so I said, why would I want to move to Gulfport? Is it dumping it flood they were so enamored with that. They made me the director of the Chamber of i-gos later, whatever nowadays when I stand down in front of the casino after a tropical storm up with water after my Kahuna's I look around and say well at least it's not a dump anymore. So that's how I ended up and go for it was some beginning and end of one relationship in the beginning of a beautiful new life here. That was 20 years ago in the near future War 4 for the community. What would you or would you like to see?

36:47 Oh my gosh, interesting leonoff anytime I had advised and I've run a number of political campaigns aren't out people. Keep trying to get me to run right now. No, no. No, that's not what I meant to do that sir. And I always advise people one of the first things that you should say is I'm not going to change anything. We like her town the way it is. We don't want it to become overrun with the development. We don't want Shane stores in our downtown area or chain restaurants and like that like that.

37:21 So I have I might My My My Hope and that we made some mistakes along the way city council recently had an opportunity to lower the height code from 53 down to 40 feet and they didn't do it which kind of upset me because we have a new building downtown. It's a little big for our right. The lot of scale for the town so might My Hope Is that we continue to be recognized has a slight little sliver of old Florida what Florida used to be like people say that I'm aware of comparison to a lot of different cities one of which is Key West before we Key West became gentrified and

38:06 We're getting a lot of people moving here for Provincetown. So couple years ago a newspaper reporter from Atlanta talk to me when I was at the chamber and said, you know pork is being compared to this is like Provincetown in Key West in Woodstock and the supposed to think what do you think about that? And I said well course were honored and flattered to be compared to the such wonderful cities. And I said, yeah, there's a little bit of each one of those pounds, but then there's a whole lot of just Gulfport why are there cities comparing themselves to us? So

38:41 And I don't know where we go from here. We pretty much one of them, but just about every war we can possibly avoid when you're at the library. We won after we won the Newland Simmons award The Institute of Library Museum Science named as one of the six best libraries in the country. So I don't know where we go from here to like to leave on on record for generations and generations.

39:14 First I hope you learn at you if I'm speaking to somebody a hundred years when our two hundred years from now. I hope that you have learned to put down your phone and actually engaged with people we seem to be having a problem with that in the early twenty-first Century. We'd like to talk to our technology more than we'd like to talk to people. So I hope that we got become closer again. Thank you so much Great Fairy sitting and having this conversation later has been wonderful.