Naazlish YarKhan and Yousuf Khan

00:01 My name is nazish yarkhan and Chicago, Illinois and live in a suburb called Glendale Heights and with Yusuf Khan and he's my son and I am 48 years old.

00:18 My name is Yusef Khan. I am 18 years old today is September 16th 2020. I'm currently in Dekalb, Illinois at Northern Illinois University today. I'm with my mom my mama ladas yarkhan and she is my mom.

00:38 Thank you useful for first people doing this, you know, as soon as the skin did her for years ago as a freshman heading out to college I wanted to do lunch with you. So thanks for making the time for doing this because I'm just happy to be doing it. Yeah, I know is a very meaningful moment for you to see where you were at the start where you were nervous to let your first child going to college for the skiing was nervous to go to college and now it to have your last child going to college and it for some parents. You have your first child psychology second child go to college if their child to go to college, but you just have your first child which is a big deal and then you very last have going to college so it's too big a big moments for you and for your kids.

01:28 Definitely and I'm happy that you're just an hour away. I didn't think it would mean so much to me but knowing that your sister was two and a half hours away. We saw her only twice a month is that but knowing you're just an hour away and we can drive down to say hello and bring you home.

01:52 It's it's it's being a blessing.

01:56 Originally, I remember applying to schools that are 5 hours away 10 hours away. And I thought I was like, oh I'd be able to go to the schools. I'd be able to enjoy those schools. I would have no problem going there now that I'm in 45 minutes away. I'm so grateful that I can come back in the week. And then I think if I was going to school pocket hours away, there's no way I could do that and it's especially nice now with like the covid-19 stuff going on. It's hard to meet new people and interact with new people. So it's nice that I get to see my family from home if I want to come back home for the weekend and I think that's a large difference. Especially now that I can keep that connection to you.

02:34 I really really appreciate that because I tell you not every child wants to come back home. So for me knowing that makes me feel so warm and fuzzy because I just love having both of you with me and doing things for the family. I think that's my one of my top of top best things is doing things as a family and having you there watching movies with you that skein goofing around complaining about you guys. So yeah, it worked out and you know this hole corbet's situation. I was so nervous when you left and it literally I felt aches and pains like physical aches and pains body aches. It was just crazy.

03:26 To feel that your emotional state would manifest itself in this physical symptoms, but I was so worried as to how you would manage with the dorm situation what you do with the other kids be careful. It would they keep their masks on in common spaces? I was about to be and air vent in your room was those created so that you know spores will not circulating in the air. I think it's interesting cuz you didn't tell me you were that concerned if you had told me you're that concerned and you'd like that person because they're you purposely kept a secret, but I think it's interesting cuz there's like a chart for NIU it shows the number of Kobe cases and I was sending it to Bob and Christine, but since I knew you'd be worried. I was not sending you that the chart to show how the cases were getting updated cuz I didn't want you to get scared seeing more and more cases.

04:26 I think it's interesting. You didn't want me to know that you are over worrying and I've purposely not trying to make you worry by showing you the vacations are increasing here.

04:35 Now, I know I have to Google that information have I do not know you were hiding that from me but I think the inside scoop. Yeah, I don't I think I'm the hindsight. I saw that I would that dance because I do the skinny. I managed it so well and she said what are you talkin about? Mommy? You are not the whole time and I think then I put two and two together that yeah, that's what all those aches and pains were. There was Doki psychosomatic because I totally just have a body like I'm not feeling well but afterwards when I look back on it I said, oh that's what it was. It was because I was so wound up and

05:22 But I'm glad everything went smoothly more smooth and I could imagine and Northern Illinois University currently, as you know, the dorms are separate. So each kid has their own dorm except for in the drums that I'm staying in where you do have a roommate and my roommate happens to be Chris do I know from high school? So we're already close friends, but if you're living in a dorm on your own here, and we just entered a two week walk down where you're not supposed to get a gathering. They must be so lonely so far us it was ideal cuz it's me and my best friend dorming together. So worked out nicely. We have that social outlet we go play Frisbee together. We do stuff together before other kids were in a dorm alone. It's your freshman year is the mother you are already worried about me being able to do things just in a regular cloud is regularly going to go to college you're already worried about that with covid-19 on top of that you were worried about it, and if

06:22 Pause living on my own and be so much harder. So definitely let's move for us, but I can't be hard to imagine what it's like for the other kids are staying in the dorms alone.

06:32 That's a really good point tonight. And then especially if they don't get to go back to their families that that's social isolation must really be getting to a lot of kids. I can I know that even working from home as much as I don't mind not having a commute just a fact that you get to see people Bounce Energy off of them and not giving that I'm a huge people person. I can't even imagine what those kids must be going through when they have to quarantine, but I guess it is for the best because you're going to spread it. Otherwise, it's not even kids who have it's just each kid has an individual dorm in the prevention method which which is good. I'm glad that it's awesome that the University of taking precautions. That's what's going to keep us safe. But I also want them to be resources for those kid. Like I do need to offer them like counseling or do we need to do like Zoo?

07:32 Group meetings are kids get a talking meet each other. And right now you're really some of those events like the first week they did a few of those events, but now that school's started is blessed and less of those opportunities to socialize and especially these two weeks of our lockdown. I feel bad for those kids. I was talking to someone and they were saying

07:52 That they're nervous. They actually have their brother on campus to but they're saying now that we're in the lockdown they can't even visit their brother and I didn't even think about that perspective cuz I'm staying with Chris me and him are rooming together. We're already friends, but if you're not friends with you or you are living on your own it's a lot more difficult right now.

08:11 Well, I hadn't thought of all that and that's such an excellent point that do they have mental health counseling being offered for kids if they're not even getting to speak with people outside of their rooms. Absolutely. I knew even one of our other friends on campus he lives on his own and sometimes we don't talk to him for a week. And so I go I wonder what he's doing that week because she all alone. Is he getting to FaceTime with family what's going on? So it's definitely I'm sure it's it's been okay for me, but I know her other kids it's been a lot more stressful.

08:45 I wish the kids would even take their own initiative and do Zoom parties. You know, like when we did it for Ramadan and Eid that was our first moon party ever. I hate you think the kids will do that. Yeah. I think it's just so much different and I think we're just so used to getting to hang out in person and is just such a big difference getting to hang out in person instantly react to someone to laugh at someone's jokes getting getting to touch people make such a big difference. Right Mama. We talked about oxytocin all the time so I can not having that in person connection. I think the zoom parties are hard and I think even it even re property but we just want to eat and then we did one for Roma's we didn't want to eat then we did walk with the Skins graduation and we could walk for my graduation, right? We didn't do meeting together, which is really nice to get to see all those different people that we know all their different faces, but I think by the one by the third one the one we're doing for my graduation. I think we're a little bit bored of it, right?

09:45 Each others face on the screen so I don't know how old that would get.

09:51 But it's definitely better than the current situation. That's for sure. Remember for the party. They were fifty families, you know, we had folk from Canada Australia red Germany was at France India Pakistan. So that was huge 50 family stood up for a family gathering. But I Remember by the time your graduation rolled around because we just had the Skins before yours. We really have to tell people please show up, you know, not even the big 55 leaves just you and cousins and you know, your grandparents show up for yourself. We want to support him having virtual graduation.

10:51 What is the Aztec to do anything with us? Right? But even he by the last thing he's like, oh, I don't want to turn on my video. Do I really need to point the phone at my face? Then Tire time can't I do other stuff at the same time and usually so enthusiastic involved in our lives was interesting to see that that that video call it does get a little bit dry, but I'm actually really glad we took that initiated. I mean like I just noticed this now that you're lifting all those different countries text so many relatives and so many family who we ordinarily never would have seen on eat usually would have gone to our grandparents house. Ian dabbas house. We would have spent time with them, but getting to see all the different people all are different relatives. That's a big change that we ordinarily would never have the opportunity which is the interesting thing that came out of covid-19 Evan. We try to do one one or two Zoom meetings with my extended cousins. So that was Falcon Canada, India UK

11:51 Germany and France. I hope I'm catching it all and we thought it would be a great idea. And for the first meeting it was a great idea but had covid-19 happened. We wouldn't have even made the effort some of those cousins you haven't talked to in like two years three years, right? That's the first time you were talking to them in such a long time. Right? That's exactly true and seeing the grown up children who we might have seen as babies. That was so weird, you know be like I feel we came together in certain ways, you know, if example we spent on Remsen together Ramadan and we lost two different masks at the end of the day. It was really really lovely us to pray together in the same space. I really love that about this Ramadan and then of course watching the different in my arms on YouTube

12:51 Well, Facebook live was fascinating Ogle between the different lectures. If we didn't like one nectar, we could switch to the other all of which would not have been possible. If we actually had to drive to a physical location then even the fact that we played in one room as opposed to the women going to the women's section the man going to the men's section or you and Bob are going to a mosque that you preferred and I agree to my mama that I preferred. We all pray together that felt amazing. Yeah, I think that's an interesting Duality that you pointed out that like covid-19. So me and my friend so long like some of my closest friends. I haven't hung out with in such a long time and we've been separated in that way, but we've been connecting with people across the world who usually would never get the chance to talk to her family who are close to us to who just don't get the chance to talk to or nearly had the opportunity to connect and I definitely I like that aspect of Ramadan.

13:51 Actually, where is a lot more like Family Center to definitely what you were saying, we're going usually me and Bob and I go to 1 Moss. You might go to different mosque at the end of the night, but we are all praying together. We are reading Quran together. I think of the more I think it's kind of interesting cuz you have to wear Mohamed Salah out here saw him I could go up to the like the cave was when he got Revelation from debris and he's going up there before and he's very isolated write it. So I think it's kind of like interesting that we I feel like cuz we are in this quarantine. We had a little obviously not the same experience. We had a little experience during Ramadan where we were in our houses. We got a few more spiritual Ramadan for me cuz I got to read throughout the entire Quran which during the school year haven't had the opportunity to write the school year cuz I still had school we were able to do Arthur Robbie every single night as a family which was a great opportunity and I feel like my ramadhan got to be more spiritual especially

14:51 Go to college for me to have the most deadly school so versus trying to balance Ramadan and school. I felt like I got to have a really spiritual Ramadan because of quarantine.

15:01 I would agree especially because y'all Gymnastics schedule got canceled, right because you are in quarantine. So you were home to help make the iftar the evening meal and I think this was the first year ever that I saw and of course the skin was home instead of being in college and eating a granola bar for iftar. So, you know where she was making lemon bars and cake and pumpkin pie and apple pie and just cooking herself. Oh, I know which would not have happened had she been on campus should be sitting on her own and will bring her fast or she might have been enough final like she did in previous years opening her fast for the granola bar. We were all together. We were all in the kitchen if you want to know I think it was the first Ramadan I can say what everyone helped

16:00 And it's not together. Yeah, that's good. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to hear that. We don't give you that support usually in the rest of Amazon.

16:11 No, I think it's difficult. If you're coming home at 6 or 7 at night from school, you know, after all the activities after gymnastics and what have you? I don't know if it's possible to even expect it. So that was special on yet and right about this being such a more traditional of spiritual Ramadan because I read more than ever before I was working full-time, but I still managed to read Moc ran because we weren't rushing rushing dad going to the grocery store going to the shops. All of that was cut out.

16:53 And yeah, I agree all that little I think all those little X add up to or like you like you were saying you go to the grocery store you'd be driving back from this driving back from that. We just had more time. Are we able to focus where I went and got some days I'd really like to chapter straight and I'd be like reading for like 3 hours straight of Quran which into a regular school year. I never had the opportunity, but I've finished my zoom lectures all my recorded lectures really fast. Then I have the rest of the time of the day to read Quran pray together and definitely would have had ever had that experience if school is going on at the same time and I think it would be even more special is that I was thinking the back of my head that this is probably our last Ramadan as a family unit in the under the same roof.

17:46 You don't now the skin is an adult. Who knows where she's going to be next Ramadan. She's probably maybe even out of state. You would have be on campus for the next four years for Amazon because it's called closer and closer into the school year because a lunar year. So, you know December vacations. Would it be the next Ramadan where we'd all be together possibly that's 10 years, so I didn't even think

18:22 For me that was in the back of my mind is that this is possibly a very last Ramadan with all of us under the same roof for all 30 days. This might not happen again ever so don't even supposed to have a job and I would have been at college does really a last opportunity for us ever Amazon together and it was together because of the situation of covid-19. Very very I didn't even think about that. That's pretty miraculous.

18:59 Yeah, so it's so excited. So blessings and Silver Linings though, of course the damage the number of lives lost is just horrendous is horrendous. There's no other way to say it and I really really really feel bad for the families that have no choice but to be on the front lines, especially, you know, when you're in a grocery store because they're asking you to lay your life down for minimum wage and I really wonder do people stop to think that you're asking someone to risk their life for minimum wage.

19:42 Is this the country, you know, is it supposed to see if you want to have a place? I hope that people who were protesting raising the minimum wage recognize just how much is a old to all those people who showed up to work and put food on the table. I had a situation I went to Target once and I told this gentleman who is stalking the the shallows. Thank you for coming to work, you know, and he turned it on and he said we have to so that you can eat iPhone so guilty. I'd recognize that that's why I had time to him.

20:23 But for him to feel that I felt that he felt a little bit of resentment also that he didn't have a choice with a economics reasons or otherwise

20:37 Be in the safe confines of his home. So my gratitude is unlimited to all those people in the front lines were risking their lives day in and day out and

20:54 You know, we can't thank them enough reward all of them for what they've been doing for us and given the highest level of Jennifer all their efforts in risking their lives to support others. And I think even like some teachers are going back to being in person and teachers have bad their own kid. They have their own families and all the grocery store workers all the essential workers. They have their own kids and their own families and I don't know if everyone take the time to think about that and I think it was hard to think about for some people especially after younger right? I was staying more in the house. I was going to go and pick up groceries and you miss out on that you don't think about it. If you're not seeing those people if you're the only exposure you're seeing to the essential workers is that you just pick me up the groceries. You don't think of all the things going on behind that those people have families. They're trying to also make a way they might even be in a situation where they have to work. Right and they're risking their lives and I think I became especially aware that on a college campus right now.

21:54 Don't understand. So I'd actually like I really understood how much of a risk the essential workers were putting their lives into because there is like is the cleaning staff and there is all the people who serve food in the cafeteria right at Northern Illinois University and they had to have known that colleges were going to have these like big surges in cases obviously cuz we're going to party and they came to work knowing that they had the potential of getting Corona. They're still willing to come here still serving my food every day every single day. I'm able to get food in like 2 minutes is a 2-minute process for me. I walk out my room I go to the dining area. I'd grab my food and I leave right but I but those people who are serving my food are taking the risk of being by these college students who are having a high surgeon cases, they're working with other people and that's a huge risk that they're taking so that I can get a burger which is

22:51 I don't know how you like it. It's such a big thing. I don't know how you express your gratitude do people. Yeah, you're right. It's such a big deal and we take it for granted for sure for sure. And you know, that's why I've been trying to like maybe a $20 bill when I do my pick up the store when they do the club side just to say thank you and you have to physically think about that because I don't carry cash anymore. I just got a credit card. How are you saying? Thank you. You know, I really don't feel it's enough just to say thank you but works it's a beginning but if we can tip someone for their efforts that I know of somebody who is working in the deliveries by those stories as well. Is that people recognize

23:51 How privileged you are if you are able to.

23:56 Work from home. If you are able to have your grocery brought to the curbside.

24:03 Is it effective do you think we're in the same storm, but we're not in the same boat.

24:14 Who are you going to say just said, you know, if you have to be humble, you have to humble yourself. You have to thank God for your blessings and then your deposit pay for it. I don't think it's enough to just as well. We are so blessed. Yeah. So what are you doing about that? You know, how are you passing it on and if you're not passing it on what's stopping you from passing Dawn? I think this entire covid-19 in this entire summer has been a large like that. We always learned as little kids right put yourself in someone else's shoes. And I think with like the two biggest things this summer for the black lives matter movement in the movements for social justice and covid-19. So seeing how it's affected essential workers, seeing the perspectives of black Americans living in the United States. I think it's the ultimate experience where it's like you have to put yourself in other people's shoes and try to understand their crisp.

25:14 Just like you said, it's not just about understanding the perspective. It's not just about being like Oh, that's a shame. That's bad about actually doing your part to make a change and be active about what what are you going to do to fix it? What are you going to do to make it better?

25:28 John have you thought about something that you would be doing that you changed the trajectory of things. I think one of the things one of the things that we're doing throughout High School related today, like social justice movement since we started a lot of cultural collaborations and Interfaith events in as you know, I was with us or the Muslim Student Association pleasure to work with leaders of the black Student Association member of the Chino organization Asian club and Muslim Student Association, and we started hosting use ultra collaboration where we got to hear each other's perspective and learn more about other people's identities and is really valuable Insight. I mean some of the black students were talking about how they felt at our school academic expectations reset low for them. And if you had never heard someone say that before that's valuable insight for me to have and the teachers who are sitting in that room at that event, they're getting that insight to and support they listen, but I'm hoping this year. I'm hoping things.

26:28 Change right. Why does it take such a large after this summer for things to change? So I'm glad that I did those events in high school. But I hope that teachers staff other students heard what those students experience is where I met the Omega change based on that and I hope in the future I continue to be someone who wants to hear the experiences of others. I mean, it was very is valuable for all of us this summer. I mean, we're talking to our neighbors and they're our neighbors who are black like they'll tell us that they recently drives a fancy car. He'll leave for work an hour early, right? Cuz he's expecting to get pulled over when we get to hear the stories and experiences of other people that Sam Weller of the deeper people right when you get those experiences Rick and then that's when we searched take action when we start to decide. Okay. I'm going to be an ally I'm going to be a supporter. This is what I'm going to do to make a change. So I think it's interesting that like you were saying that Central work.

27:28 It's important to understand what their experiences black Americans it's important to understand what their experiences to that were able to make a positive change.

27:38 Yeah, for sure, you know if I think about it that if I were in fear that my child would be shot for jogging in his neighborhood.

27:50 I don't know how I would function imagine chatting that fill with you every single day something that we might just take for granted right or even feeling that if you walk into the store. Someone's going to think you're about to do like shoplift how degrading that might be.

28:15 And to have to live with that feeling and I'm just I'm just

28:22 Boggles my mind that you don't mean knew we knew black Americans faced discrimination.

28:33 We have to see a man die on video and that's what boggles my mind. Is that why weren't we Furious enough?

28:50 With what we knew before we watched a man lose his life on camera. What does that say about us as people?

29:03 Editor take it easy to point fingers to say it's just a police issue. So it's just like a politician. It's just an issue with politics. I think even on a bike. Yes. I obviously we need to fix the in like a new laws and legislation. You see if you can just say, oh, it's not my problem. I don't need to fix it. It's your thing to say. Oh am I being biased against people nice to your typing people. Am I making upper in my community to make people connected with each other and doing my part to be an active Ally and be supportive and do what I need to do to be supported.

29:47 I agree completely. I completely agree and I think as long as we are willing to get out of our comfort zones do something versus just Express sympathy or just say now we know we watch all these the documentaries and be red stamped from the beginning and an anti-racist. Well, yes, that's a first step. What are you going to do with that knowledge to shift an easel? And I think that's what I like so much about DuPage United, you know, I wasn't volunteer with them. I think I've been volunteering with them for 10 years is that they really work to bring different people together to engage with the powers-that-be to. That is systemic change because I think we're going to be held accountable, you know as Muslims in the whole idea that you have to be responsive.

30:47 Be a blessing and what did you do with your blessings? I believe very strongly but as a Muslim, I'm going to be held accountable for what did I do to make the situation better in terms of you know, helping my African-American neighbor or changing the rules would I knew that it was slanted against such a large population of people even if it was a small population of people but just we're going to be held accountable by God for you had a voice you had a platform. You knew how to read you knew how to write you had the ability. What did you do with every blessing that God gave to make this world a more just please but I think it's our responsibility as much as it's a basic was just a responsibility as humans humans need to look out for each other regardless.

31:47 But definitely is 100% Bank like watching us. Are we going to do our part? Are we going to do the right thing? Are we going to be?

31:58 Arena support our neighbors. Are we going to do our part?

32:05 Yeah, and you don't.

32:08 You see all what's happening in United States. Now, what does the fires in California in the storm? Jordan everywhere? It's so easy to get disheartened. It's so easy to think this problem is so huge and it's one problem after the other but I found that this so much power in taking even one step forward one step forward and then the parts as to appear and you take the next step and I think sometimes we want to solve the mountain vs. Just taking the first step Mountain.

32:49 Yeah, we give up because it is a mountain right but I don't feel that's how problems are solved. I think you chip away at them bit by bit by bit and Things fall into place similar to how do you know when people do sculptures decide chipping away and then the form appears

33:09 By and by how you do pottery clay on the wheel and buying by the shape forms, and I think that's how life is and I think

33:22 It's so easy even for myself to feel overwhelmed and want to give up or just not want to deal with anything with it the wildfires. What does the election?

33:37 But my job is not to fix the big picture is to chip away and take my buzz more step. And I think that's how I'm going to have to read right leg. If I don't look at the mountain and I just look at my small piece of the puzzle and just take that first step to take care of the small piece of your puzzle. And the rest will fall into place that has to be my Approach a device. I'm going to feel paralyzed people take initiative. That's an other people start to like latch on and say, oh I'm supposed to decide to accept the cultural collaborations and interface events at my high school initially. It was just me and Chris. We just wanted to do them and then we did it and then other clubs want to get involved and then morphine and staff want to get involved. They start a positive Packers having and I think these little steps is what people get excited.

34:36 They want to be a part of it too. And I think that's important just like you were saying his little little steps and slowly people start to be supported and latch on and try to do their part as well. But it's always it's hard. It's definitely hard to take that initiative initiative and it's hard to know exactly what to do. Right. You want to find out the best way to help I think people are something people get wrapped up on right? What's the best way to help what do I need to do or like sometimes people think I will have any effect right? But I think it's taking like little small steps, like maybe go into a protest that might be easier than like making a project all on your own like does video recording people did was like for our school we did at Montage saying we support black lives does a very little step for people to take right, but now maybe a bigger stuff they'll come out of that is still have those discussions about race, but then our school and I'll take those little little little steps and more and more people become supportive.

35:34 Yeah, you don't you hit the nail on the head. Sometimes we don't even know what that first step looks like and then the second part of that is we wanted to give perfect step. It doesn't have to be a perfect step. It has to be a step.

35:54 I feel very proud of the young man. You've become I am so.

36:01 I'm honored to be your mom and I don't say that lightly, you know.

36:09 You'll have to meet us so happy as parents.

36:13 And you've always given things thought being thoughtful about things you be diligent about things you do things you make if you feel something you do something about it and I reflected in your four years of high school and I really feel

36:34 That you're going to be amazing as a leader as a human being I have great expectations from you. And you know, it's all thanks to you. You know that I saw you volunteering with refugees. I saw you working with icna relief. I saw you working with people in transitional homes. I thought you making these opportunities people in you using the gifts that you are given to help other people, right? You're always willing to lend a hand that you took me to Interfaith eventually took in Intercultural event. And I I saw that Right Thurr by role model does my example and even bothering to ski into there are always people who are going to take initiative Bobble take initiative and work this key in it takes initiative with her plant business, which is awesome. Right where a family of people who take initiative but me and the skin are like that because Mom has like that right you're like that you were the one doing volunteering you started.

37:34 The refugee assistance program rap and we saw you doing that and we were exposed to it. Right and that's why we were like that and I think you'll be happy to know is if I didn't interest be a self-introduction speech for my speech class in college in my to my main points in the speakers were talking about how my identity has been shaped and in the speech I discussed how my identity was shaped by my mom taking me to enter dated Intercultural event, which made me fascinated in the face in cauldrons of others. The one thing my mom shape there, right and I put that in my self-identity shape are in my self-identity my introduction about myself speed and then the second thing I said was that I constantly hang out with my family and I'm very grateful for the opportunity that we're so close to family and like in Ramadan is amazing that we're get to able to spend that time together and it definitely very much so

38:34 Thanks to you and Papa that being Christina the way we are.

38:38 I would just say that you don't I would pass that kind of sound do our parents my parents my aunts and uncles for being those role modelz. You know, I remember my honoured to be working on a documentary 2 free bonded labourers and Poppy who is my aunt and giving back was just a Cornerstone of our life. So I'm happy to pass the Baton on thank you again for taking the time to speak with me. And I love the idea of this being a Keepsake of a moment in time a brief but spectacular State and I'm so glad that you did to amazing keepsakes that will be able to look back on and I appreciate that you took the time to do it with me to and with the skin and took the time to raise money and we're loving parents and our kind to us.

39:38 And our support of us

39:41 Love you Mama. Love you so much.