Nancy Eckert and Cathryn Appleby

00:01 Write, my name is Katherine. My name is Katherine. Appleby. I am a 36 years old. Today's date is April. 17th, 2021. We are in Atlanta, Georgia, and the name of my interview partner is Nancy, Sue Edgar, and she is my mother and I am 71 years old. What's your name? My name is Nancy Eckert. And today's date is April 17th, 2021. And we are in the Atlanta, Metropolitan Area. And this is cathryn Appleby my daughter.

00:46 Ask you first question. All right, so I think maybe I'll just start with something. I asked you everyday. How are the cats doing making me crazy, but since this started, they are settling down. Jasper is sleeping on the table and Isabella disappear, which is a good thing. It is that why do I ask that every day? What do I ask you about the cats pacifically? Jasper? Why is it an everyday thing? Because Jasper is almost 18 and he has kidney failure, right? He's living with kidney failure, and you have been treating him for this for us, four and a half years. And so, how Jasper is is an important thing. And the fact that he is a pest means he's doing well. Otherwise we get worried.

01:40 I agree definitely do I you know what? I was going to start with asking when and where were you born?

01:47 I was born in St. Louis, Missouri. And on February 17th 1950. What was your relationship with your parents?

02:01 Great, they didn't really talk about things a lot. My dad, as you well know, you knew him. You didn't know Mom, but he kind of just says very good and not a whole lot more. There was one time when he said something. I definitely wanted to tell you this one of the last times he was here before they moved to Cleveland. I'm he told me just out of the blue. Enjoy your life.

02:28 Wasn't something. And he was like, a mom was kind of mean that time, she kind of ran things. So, Dad sort of stayed away and he grew up with five older sisters. And I think there was a lot of back-and-forth fighting and carrying on, so, he just sort of disappeared, right? I think he was absolutely a master of absolutely being that present tomorrow. So that's kind of the way was, especially with a lot of women and what I had I have 3 Sisters, so there's a lot of women now, definitely very much. What are your sisters names?

03:13 Judy is the one that's closest underneath me and then it's Vicky. And then it's Lisa Lisa's the baby. And I will say this, I am 17 years older than Lisa and Lisa is 17 years older than use and my dad was 17 years younger than his oldest sister. I don't know what it is about 17, but there seems to be a pattern here in our family as a child is a child. Not necessarily, not just kind of, I don't know. I had a good time. But I also think sometimes I was a little bit absent, you know, maybe Escape things a little bit. I was passionate about the piano, but I didn't.

04:13 I always like to practice and I like to sing. And other than that, there were good times. But otherwise I was, I was kind of just stayed, maybe he didn't. Why do you think that was? Why would you stay hidden as a child?

04:36 It. I don't like I said, I said, my mom was a little bit of an aggressive person. So sometimes it was just easier to stay hidden. And so, you know, I just said that you learned pretty early and so you just do that. You just do that with other people as well. And so I didn't quite know how to deal with aggressive people of the wild best way to learn.

05:09 Art Center say I feel like that was my childhood to lot of just being out presents. Just a lot of factors in my life. Mainly know, my father. That's another story. Right? But he's very much like my mother as soon as I heard once that if you had unresolved issues, you have a tendency to marry him. And so I kind of realize fairly early on that. I had married my mother wound. It was later on that. I figured my dad was in there too. But yeah, it's kind of weird. So eventually I learned how to thank you for getting away from him. Getting me away from and that was a constant battle. When we lived in New Mexico right now.

06:06 I know ya final constantly, right? I thought about a lot of things that he did and it was especially even at the very end while we were there. It was just completely uncalled for and so the only way you were going to have any peace or I don't have any pieces to get out and I don't know that you knew that there were attorneys to told me don't do it and I was like, hey, I know that I know this game and once you turn 14, they tend to go with what you want to do. You were technically 13 on those 14, but it was like we this is got to happen, especially that time when he was supposed to bring you home and we were supposed to go to popejoy completely over-the-top. So, right? And we did and that means a lot of thing turned around. So thank you for fighting to get me out.

07:04 He's on special piece of shit, but you know what, I would like to ask you. What is your earliest memory? And I don't know, mendelssohn's. Yes. I was under to probably a year-and-a-half and I actually ask Mom about this when she was still alive, and she couldn't believe that. I remembered this, but we were living in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. And it was before, Judy was born and my dad would come home from work. And he would put classical music on this big record player, which eventually ask is God, and he was sit in the chair and read the paper and there wasn't much furniture and he always played this record of mendelssohn's midsummer's Night's Dream, but it was had the narration of Shakespeare's play and there was a

08:04 Bring the record where Park would be turned into a donkey. And the music was very swirling, but it'll be better than better than put it on and then they would have that. And so I was terrified that if that music was on, I might get turned into a donkey. So I was smart enough so you should not discount little kids. I figure it out that there was a friend of sin, the middle of the living room and you could look in through the slats and see the fire. And I figured out that if I took that record and I stuck it in that slot. I would run that record. And so I watch Dad one time and he was, and then he would just set it on top of other records that he was busy with this paper. I saw mom in the kitchen and she was, I guess fixing dinner. So I just very quietly picked up that record and walked over to the furnace and stuck it in.

09:04 And the next thing I knew I had a big SWAT on the backend, but I have on diapers and so I didn't really feel anything except super happiness and satisfaction, because when I was pulled back that, so that record was ruffled, and I never heard it again. I did it. Now, that is crazy that from such an early age, music had such an influence on me like that. That's pretty crazy. Tell me about music. How do you feel that music? It's a pretty general question. But what does music do to you? How is that emotionally? What is music Duty? And how is that influenced your life?

09:42 I don't know, you know, it's always been important to me to cry. It's okay. I don't know that. I always knew that I wanted to do something with music, but obviously from very early and just have an impact and I can remember as a little girl going to somebody's house and they should Melody Bells, Melody bells or not and you pick up the bells in your drink them and make songs. So at this house, the other kids took off because they got bored playing with Barbie Bells loud.

10:32 You never told me that.

10:35 Oops, I guess what this is about. It was later. I went to a school elementary school. They actually started teaching us to read music in first grade. Wow. It was a regular class. They don't do this anymore. Just get nothing out of public schools. But in the midwest marching bands all that was all the rage and so they were starting early, training us kids so that we could get our band instrument early and we would be ready. And so what they did is they did a lot, they taught us how to read notes on the tallest, the keyboard. They did a lot of ear training and yeah, I guess sight-reading sight singing that kind of stuff. Just actually a pretty good education for America.

11:35 And then in third grade that gave us a test to see what we picked up. And I got a 98% and the only person who got fired she was already taking piano lessons. So my dad said no clarinet because he played clarinet and there was no way he wanted to hear it. And my aunt, Mary said piano. Wow, that's really what house is? She can kind of lens you down the path. Only very good. Actually. She was a friend and Aunt Mary to piano lessons from her. She played funeral. He's very badly, but I guess the passion was there and later on in college. On one summer. I wanted to go and study.

12:29 With someone, this is when I was still in Illinois. I wanted to see if there was somebody like in the st. Louis area, that might be really good for me to study with cuz I kind of stopped. And so the music teacher at the college that won't let me look and see what I can find. And I was shocked, he came up with my teacher, was somebody for like 10 years, you kind of gift. And so I really needed somebody else in a different direction than College account that has been spending. Such a huge part of it is a huge part of your life.

13:09 I know that something really big happened when you were pregnant with me. Something really wonderful. You were accepted. Actually it was after you were born. Okay, but you were a baby and I had applied to the University of Maryland's music department. I had gotten an Associates in piano performance at a college. There us to your college in Annandale Virginia. And so I had worked in for an extra year because it was really hard being pregnant and her new baby. And so then I didn't know, I really only got to attend one or two. I think I just really got to attend one semester maybe while in the second semester. I didn't know.

14:09 One and I had to leave early because that's when we move to New Mexico because you want to leave and go to New Mexico. I did not as it turned out, it worked out. Okay? In the long run, but I was very angry because I have work so hard to get into the University of Maryland. Why did you have to go to New Mexico? Cuz your dad did it and I thought he should wait till I finish my degree in that. Wasn't on his bucket list. He sort of, you know, he sort of saw everything from his point of view and anybody else was not important. And so, that was a really hard one. And actually, there was a, there was a teacher and she was teaching sight reading, and I didn't realize it. But everybody in the class was seniors. I was in the senior and all the underclassmen freshman's, it was a fresh.

15:09 All of a sudden after about a month they were all out. They all drop the class. And the reason they did that is because this lady was so mean it was unbelievable. And she is, it was just the worst experience. You can imagine how rough she was on everybody and reading, which is why everybody was seniors because you had to pass the class earned a lot, and I became a very much better sekreter, but I had to leave before the maybe I want. One whole semester and I had to leave towards the end of that semester.

15:49 And she was, so mean, she said, it was a compliment. She says, it's a pity you have to leave because you were doing so well, and improving so much. I had to say is mean she was, I certainly learned a lot but basically she put students of pianos and

16:10 She would hand us music and there be two people at every piano, and there would be due West and she kinda. And we have to play and so there was like three or four pianos in the room. And if you got lost, you have to follow the music and jump back in because nobody was stopping. Did you ever get to go back to school for music? I didn't want to the University of New Mexico. How old is your teacher there?

16:41 Evelyn brown car and she pretty much was a child prodigy living in this country and she's in a long time friend.

16:57 So as it turns out, she was the right teacher. So sometimes you don't know the right now. Sometimes you just have to go, whatever path. Seems to be there. That seems to be wishing you and trust that whatever is on that path is the right place to me.

17:19 Sixth Sense.

17:24 So I got my pastor music of the universe in Mexico much. I guess inferior school to University of Maryland. It was funny when I went there and I talked to the person in charge of the piano department and she knew where I was coming from. She just right away said what you need to meet Evelyn brand car. She was the a new teacher in the, in the faculty and then she's played in the Sheraton Trio. If you remember, I don't know if that's still there or not. But anyway, Abilene was kind of funny because I expected to have to audition for her and she was like,

18:06 Well, it's okay. If I tell me that's what I tell her. She's been a long time friend.

18:21 Family branch.

18:28 When some of the happiest moments of your life happiest moments. Well, probably the happiest.

18:40 Honestly, I think that's the happiest. I have a lot of happy moments, but that was the happiest and you were really quiet and looking around. Very, I don't know. Very calm and peaceful. Just stay that way but you were. And that was, my happiest are. Can't even describe happiness of that day.

19:07 So yeah, good days. We've had a lot of good days in the way here is trying to be part of the interview. He has things to say himself.

19:20 By the time, he's not part of this song.

19:29 How big is my mom that and probably during the early period during going through the divorce? Those are probably the saddest, the hardest. But maybe the saddest was mom dying because I was very sudden and she was very young, and it was kind of a shock wave from cancer and it was colon cancer, but it was not inside the colon. We didn't really get a lot of good information. My dad was not too forthcoming. And my mom was not in the position to say much. So I think there's a lot of things that we don't know but it was cancer and basically she lived about a month after I was diagnosed. And so, you know, it was like I said, you know, one day, mom's fine, the next day, she has cancer in the next day. She's dead. And that's a real.

20:29 Short time frame to deal with a lot of stuff. I think it was hardest on Lisa because she was the youngest but do for a lot of inspection before you were born. Kind of feel them going back and forth with Vicki and Lisa. You kind of became mom. I kind of became I could have killed dad once he had to go to Romania. And so I had to come stay with the girls for a week, but he gave me the assignment. That was before he got back, both girls had have Easter dresses because he had been trying to do that and he just couldn't seem to pull it off especially with so, okay, take the girls shopping Lisa. No problem. Nikki all my gosh. We must have tried on every single dress in Charleston, South Carolina, and finally, I

21:29 Brenda one and she loved it and wore it and it was like, oh my gosh, no more. So, I'm sorry. Yes, she's always been difficult. She always will be difficult and, you know that. Yes. So, yeah, that was probably my biggest challenge when this is kind of a hard question to ask, when in life, would you say that you felt most alone? Probably about the time of the divorce during that time frame? Because it did have a lot of family. I think I will lay my head may be moved.

22:09 Houston then, eventually, the Indiana. And so at first, especially at first, it was really hard because I wasn't very close to Judy. And so, you know, there is a holiday and you were gone and then I was just kind of by myself and that was not something that I was used to, but I learn to get used to it. And then Susan and Evelyn kind of became family and Evelyn kept coming back and all of a sudden, it wasn't so lonely, Who season Susan rokicki. She's the other crazy person and Susan eventually moved to Michigan. And she was going to still wacky had some contact with her lately. She's never been quite healthy and she's not healthy now. And so, I'm hoping that Evelyn and I can see, Susan one more time, but Susan's 10 years.

23:09 Older than me. So she is, you know, in her early 80s attached. All my gosh. I forgot. I need to do this. Today is Susan's birthday. Is the 17th of of? No. No, it's not. It's the 27 that you have to help me. Remember. I wish I could remember our birthdays because Evelyn is a 7th of February. I'm the 17th of February and Susan is the 27th of

23:42 April and what's funny is Susan, is a Taurus. Okay. So she's a little bit of a fighter and a little bit of a different personality. What did she do for a living? She's a shadow teacher. We are all connected with piano and she did study with evelyne some and what was funny is that Evelyn both being a quarian. Show me how our brains thought alike and I have no idea that has nothing to do with, you know, the horoscopes and things like that, but somehow our brains for more of the same and Susan was always kind of a little bit from a different angle, but you can understand that Susan was always from a different angle. So sometimes that was a little hard iced tea for Susan but somehow always managed to work out all the problems in the world.

24:42 But you know, I'm going to ask you how has your life been different than you imagined?

24:49 And I can be a positive thing. Even if it's whatever, I'm happy the way. My life worked out. In the way. I always thought that I'd probably get married and stay married have a whole bunch of kids and I didn't have a whole bunch kids had you. And in the long run, given everything. That was really what was best team because I because I had to support us and things like that. There was no way I was going to be able to have five kids, but pretty much the things that I always wanted like having my own home. You did do it now.

25:35 Ford. Yeah, who would know? Yeah, so I don't really know. I mean, was a real little kid. I used to think I want to be a concert pianist, but I don't know. Growing up in the midwest, that was not a very practical thing. So I minored music the first time and I got a Bachelor of Science in education, which is an unusual degree. Most people get a Bachelor of Arts, but that helped me a lot. Because school district hired me, because of my math and science background. So, no matter where I went, I didn't stay in public schools. But no matter where I went, how he's got a job. And so even one of them which was the weirdest one is going to move back to st. Louis. At one point. I got a job teaching eighth-grade math and physical science and my dad was like physical science. Haven't you do bad? Well because

26:35 As a kid, I don't know that I did that much but in college I did, but I think he thought I talked him into it or something, but it was all in my credentials and I had a pretty wild, very background between music and math and science. Education is something it's very important to you. Well, it was true. My education background and experience that I learned how to teach me how

27:10 Cuz I think there are a lot of people who teach piano but really don't know how to teach and you know, her teacher and teaching is different. And so you kind of have to be there's no hard task rules and you kind of have to find your way through things. But one of the things that I eventually made a connection with this is kind of unusual teaching math and teaching piano are the same really once and once somebody repeat something once, somebody does something wrong and then continues to repeat it in the same way, the more they repeat it, the more likely they are to continue that and it's very hard to undo. So with a piano student if they keep making the same mistake,

28:10 Did this one time I had was early on? There's a little boy and he was not playing the song, right? And I really didn't fully understand them, and I was just, you are going to play this song, right? If it kills me and you too, and he eventually did and he played it for like 2 or 3 weeks and he played it well. And then I had a group performance class. And it was totally amazing, because the wrong way that he had done the first way was what came through and when he was done, he had made all the same mistakes that he made originally, and he looked at me like,

28:54 What happened? And then later on, when I was teaching math, and your in Gwinnett County, they were really big on time to fax test and I had so that was when I was teaching 5th grade here. And so I had to give these math facts text and I noticed that whenever you would give the test, the kids went in those that made mistakes would make the same mistake with the same wrong answer on the same problem. Wow, even after working with them and there's something about being under pressure, that the first learning.

29:40 Takes priority. So you have to be very careful how you teach math to young kids and you have to be very careful. How you teach piano?

29:51 What are the most important lessons you've learned in life? It's a loaded question. But what would you say, or at least one of the important lessons you've learned in life?

30:07 I one of them I would say is no matter what happens.

30:13 Go with it, pick up the pieces and keep going for work.

30:20 That's a hard one because there's a tendency and people to go back to look back and you just have to keep going forward.

30:31 No, something different is there.

30:35 I'm really excited about you going back to college because it's important to take what you know and move forward.

30:52 What is there? Anything that you've never told me but want to tell me now?

30:57 Not that I can think of. I'm sure there is the one thing we have always been able to do, is talk. Where's the place? We always talked a lot that always, we had the most profound conversations. Well, I don't know what I was doing that even when you were very little and I guess a lot of times in the car, but I would talk about things that a baby or a young child would not understand but I still talks about it and figured that maybe somewhere.

31:40 Some of it you'll remember or you'll absorb and that's kind of weird because I would talk to you like an adult and like that. I think that's a huge thing. I think that makes a difference. You've always said that they're still at a sense of you. Do. I'm a child, but, you know, you evil ways talk to me like an adult and I've noticed you that with your students and I think that makes a huge difference. Kids are, you know, as simple as I think people think, right? They are they are not adults, but they have a lot of capability and I think people underestimate children.

32:21 And I definitely feel that.

32:26 So you have a wacky mother?

32:30 When all this is a hard question, but if this was to be our very last conversation, is there anything you'd want to say to me?

32:41 I love you. I want you to have the best life ever. And so I'm going to pass out the words for my dad. Enjoy your life, that's important. I still kind of figure that out from him.

32:57 But given how old he was in his condition.

33:01 I think he was really trying to finally say something.

33:06 Very good. And so I passed that you enjoy your life and take care of yourself.

33:18 Because you have yourself to depend on, you have to be able to take care of yourself.

33:24 I love you. Love you too, Mom.

33:28 Something that really upsets me is, I feel like I am and you've never made me feel like this, but I worry that I've been a disappointment that I'm a failure and that really upsets me, you believe so much to me, and I don't believe in myself the way you do,, you're going to have to start doing. There's no endpoint a life evolves. And so you take where you are, you look at what you want to pick up the pieces and go forward.

34:08 You're not a failure. I don't, you know, that's something that you decided, but you can't let go of that. I mean, I have always been successful, but I always pick up the pieces and move forward and that's good. Things have happened to me and to you and now it's your turn. And so you just need to keep moving forward. Okay, I don't see you as a failure. So it's time for you to go ahead and just move forward. And so I'm so excited for you to go to college next year. Get my Master's Degree. That's right. And then on to your PhD if you want teaching college. And this is a good time it is. It's a good time to get the start by myself.

35:00 So I'm I have a question for you, kind of related to that you, okay? Okay, you have always been heavily involved in theater as a child and a theater teacher. You were just seven and I had put you in a program for one summer and he told me to pursue it with you because there was something special and you have been in and out. And I just wondered how you feel about acting in about going back to the theater.

35:38 Set a sad way to meet me and I love it. Very very passionately. Like I love Opera like I love music and it's some point in my life I decided I don't deserve it.

35:54 Well, I think it's time that you let go of that one and get moving. You wanted to Ward, please. Well, but hey, there were that many people and people were in the audience. When what was it. How to Succeed In Business Without Really Trying and someone who you knew? You asked you to audition for the secretary and there was someone from the Atlanta area, who was scoping out a non-professional theaters, theaters, and you got an award for upcoming new person. I don't remember the exact thing. You just missed it, but you might not have gotten anything, right? I mean, it's kind of weird that thing where they gave the awards that, but I mean,

36:48 You have to pay attention to that.

36:51 There was just recently, I heard this today. There is a 77 year-old woman from Memphis. When she was young. She was a recording. She was recording and singing in a console. I think she was in a car accident hurt very badly. Then she didn't, she gave her career up turn around. If you can't believe this had 15 kids. She now has 58. Grandkids. She is 77 years old and she just released her first album since then 77.

37:30 So, you got time?

37:33 She just got to get up and go. Don't quit it. Keep it in front o que EU wants because that's the important thing. You can do what you want. Then you will enjoy life. And so I think you're going back to college is the first step. And so I think you should start doing some auditioning around here for Community Theater. You are hilarious in that role. And so, you know, I think you should go for it.

38:06 I think I will. I can't wait.

38:13 Love you, too.

38:16 I think it's just may be appropriate to ask again. How are the cats doing today? Well, Jasper is sound asleep. He's curled up and that's what he usually does it this time. And thankfully we do not have any clue where Isabella is or what she's doing. Isabella is feral. Yes. She's 16. She's learned / this year. She loves us passionately, but it is all on her terms. If you are, if you do not do what she wants to do. You're likely to get hit that and bit yet. So she's good when she's gone. That's what she did. But we didn't want her on this table either. So you're looking in the middle of the night cuz she and I like the part. But, oh my gosh.

39:16 It took a year of messing with her and working with her. And she's not a good cats and you're, right. She loves this passionately. And thankfully, Jasper's and easy-going sweet boy. And so he tolerates her. And so, they're pretty good. But you're right. He's feral and bottle said. So as a doctor once said, he's not quite right is a little wrong. Amen. We've always kind of bonded over the cats, right? But you brought Jasper home and then you brought us about a home.

40:08 And I still have to go pee, Dee and I are going to grow old together as you went off to college, and then went only came into the bunch with four cats here on the bike personalities. Involved. Pretty wild. But yeah, it was a special one. And so, we still have three of the original four. And it's I think it's right. What? Is there anything else you'd like to say?

40:41 But no, thank you. You're welcome.

40:47 Love you.