Neeraja Subbaiah and Sajani Neeraja

00:04 Hello. My name is Nita Jaco. Media Ella. I'm 56 years old.

00:12 Today is Saturday, February 22nd, 2020. We are here in Chicago, Illinois.

00:21 And I'm here with my daughter says Enigma diala interviewing me for a story.

00:31 Hi, my name is a gianini Rajah. I am 26 years old. Today is February 22nd 2020 and we are in Chicago, Illinois. I am here with my mother and your job.

00:48 And I will be interviewing her today.

00:55 So I guess how are you doing? I'm doing great.

01:11 So okay, I just want to break the ice a little bit.

01:19 Can you tell me about a person who has been kind of stew in your life?

01:25 Kindest

01:34 Kindest

01:36 Pet stuff there a lot of people who are kind and little things a little thing here and there but would really mean a difference.

01:46 So

01:49 Kindest you mean the for a longer time?

01:54 How do you define Kylie test?

02:02 Because the little help like anything like a kindness I can see the kindness in those things.

02:11 So

02:14 If I pick one person in my life, that would be

02:20 Party

02:23 She's being now there for me like

02:28 A mother

02:31 During my toughest times, so

02:36 I consider her to be my

02:40 Most kind person in my life

02:44 Yeah, she's been there.

02:48 Most of the time there's a lot of tough time, but I

02:55 Digging my footing like to gain my strength.

03:00 Do establish myself to go on to find my footing?

03:06 She helped me do that that gave me strength. So I was a body.

03:12 So you mentioned a lot of tough times?

03:20 One thing I wanted to ask you about today is how

03:25 It has been 10 years since you and my dad separated.

03:33 And worst

03:36 Well, technically 9 years divorce from 11:10 to 11 was that there were six nine.

03:50 Are 2011 yeah, yeah. Yes.

03:58 And

04:00 How do you feel about how it's been 10 years?

04:05 In one word I can say this car myself.

04:11 Literally like

04:15 And also during this past 10 years my kids all five of you grew up and

04:23 Established yourself

04:26 So I feel accomplished successful in what I started and doing raising my kids and making sure there's

04:37 Settled in a good place on their own way not settle listed on the right word in this contest in the Suns.

04:47 I don't know settled but finding themselves finding a way around their life. So I have fees accomplished.

05:04 And that's a good feeling.

05:08 Which I started out doing so.

05:12 Yeah, I feel liberated find something. So yeah after shyama Lali ringus off the college now, I find my own trying to find more discover myself. Like there was a time. I didn't know what my favorite color is. What do I like what I feel like eating. So those are all the things I'm finding out now, so that's

05:41 I think that's a good thing. Yeah, you wouldn't have been able to do that. If you stayed with our dad know I might not have yes.

05:53 Was true.

05:54 You might not have probably never have yes, that's true.

06:04 That's been my favorite part about.

06:09 Yeah, the past 10 years. I think seeing you blossom into your own individual for sure.

06:18 I remember when you first wear nail polish. Yes, I remember that. Yes. Yes.

06:28 I was so happy because he never let you wear nail polish. Yes, and

06:36 I remember even like earlier on when after he had left.

06:44 I remember asking you like why don't you wear nail polish and you just said, you know.

06:51 Even you gave us metaphor about a mouse and how when it's being scared it. Just how is in the corner being like scared by a snake.

07:03 Even when you take the snake out, it still stays in the corner. Yeah, but that's that's what trauma does to you. Yes, anybody anybody anybody I consider myself a sensitive person so it didn't affect me in a deeper way than I can now. I've been I see myself.

07:33 That's the difference I can feel and

07:38 And how much?

07:40 Plus I was traumatized hear me. I said I was so I'm getting better that you came out of the corner said I won't wear nail polish with such a small thing you so, you know, I when you get told me that at that time, I just I didn't really question. I was like, okay, like that's the way it is, but it doesn't have to be the way it is. I'm glad you gave me time to come out of that and start pushing me right then and there. Yes.

08:18 I think that's what every traumatized person is. Give them give them away and

08:26 And give them a time give them time to figure on their way. They don't worry of coming out of it.

08:35 Tungland I know we're all five of you have been my strength support.

08:44 To you guys every one of you and creation me when I tried doing anything simple things like a Polish.

08:57 So last birthday had a manicure, it's okay. Yes.

09:08 What I did to figure things to driving was one thing.

09:15 Driving in the city now.

09:19 Yes, so

09:23 How does that make you feel?

09:28 There was a moment of yours ago hydrolyzed while I'm doing all these things and now I'm getting used to it and the becoming part of me.

09:42 What are you?

09:45 What are you the most proud of besides your children? No children. He's my prayer proudest thing because I still have to wait and see how it turns out but right this moment.

10:02 I protected them as much as I can and they blossomed into all five of you have the best education for Auntie went to Harvard. Yes, and you graduated with Masters and every one of you are doing awesome things. I'm looking forward to planning on doing awesome. Thanks. That's my proudest moment and also

10:32 Protect not just protecting you from you from me. You were dad but also from culture.

10:39 Culture roulette letting

10:43 You guys have a beautiful blend of?

10:47 Indian culture and American culture that's that's something I'm proud of her. You're the grateful to take the goodness of both and you guys are good people all five of You Are

11:01 No proof that I want to take responsibility of one way or the other putting you guys and in check.

11:14 So that's the definitely is my product mom proud accomplishment.

11:22 What about you as an individual? I'm a good person. That's all I want to say. I'm a survivor.

11:30 Yes, I want to.

11:33 My therapist said one time if there is any Hall of Fame.

11:41 First survivors, you'll be one of them. So that's a big compliment for me. So I wish I had the strength. I don't know where it came from. So I have that strength.

11:54 I had I want to thank God for that. So I'm thankful.

12:01 For the rent and

12:04 I'm Survivor. That's how I describe myself on the Survivor.

12:10 That's one of my proudest things to accomplishment.

12:15 Now, you know.

12:17 Sometimes when I tell other people about your story or the fact that you left my dad's will or especially other Indians. They are we see while I that's amazing that your mom did that I know and the sentence that has no side help. That's the

12:42 First part of that time. Like innocence no family to support no no friends leaning on because I'm coming out of the hole literally no contacts Ramon sign world and

12:59 So that's what her family and I know no family. No friends.

13:10 So, is it dark time?

13:13 We're sitting here now.

13:24 So, how did you get married to my dad?

13:28 Come to America and what was your marriage to him? Like?

13:38 I grew up in India.

13:41 My parents are so intrigued.

13:45 But I'm going to go just like all Indians are like in the whole world is so they wanted to send all their kids to America.

13:59 And the daughters

14:03 It's best way to send them to marry them off to a immigrant. So that's where they did they found an immigrant Indian Telugu man, and that your father got me married to him with arranged arranged.

14:23 And

14:24 Read it two years to get my immigration. That's when you are older sister was born in India.

14:33 I know so that's what's hard time because she said dwarf little person and India by myself, but a little person stigma of having a child.

14:48 Not average size of char sui Juris tashard.

14:53 Then I came here.

14:57 And had all four of you.

15:02 Do I have five daughters now beautiful ones?

15:08 And then after coming here.

15:13 I say Indian man.

15:19 His ego is in and level when he's

15:25 So you'll know I'm into medical school like when finish get into my

15:30 Career and thing I stayed home raising. I'll fly with you.

15:50 So that's how I ended up marrying your dad.

15:59 So we stayed married first 20.

16:03 Twenty-something years

16:06 What made you stay with him for so long?

16:09 Time, I think that's what domestic abuse do to the people. They sucked the soul out of the person. They don't know their own capacity. That's why I call myself Survivor because

16:25 Without realizing my abilities without knowing anything about myself.

16:32 The only the drive to protect my kids only to drive to make them.

16:38 They make their lives good kept me going. So that's that's that became my whole life or the point. I can't just say.

16:50 Other than that there is something else for me know when I said discovering myself. That's what I'm doing right now. Lie my children are my life.

17:03 So that's the that's the whole point of.

17:07 Living for me for one point. Otherwise if I didn't care for my kids, that's what it when I see some people.

17:17 Giving up on their lives. They need something they have to get their life.

17:26 Find something in part in their life dedicate their life to the important thing that gets you going.

17:35 But stuff that was my kids were that for me so they got God kept going.

17:44 And I couldn't give up on my kids if I give up my kids what happens to them?

17:52 There's nobody else. So what made you finally?

17:59 Leave him or call the police that day that he that's also.

18:07 Help of my daughter your sister.

18:11 Jennifer divorce she gave me push me. She'd let you push me to do it. Dave and your dad came after me with the knife. She called the police and though.

18:26 But you filed for

18:29 Hydro production that day so that became the first day of my liberation.

18:40 Ephraim

18:42 That day

18:45 I never look back. So

18:48 I'm from that that out of production for 1 year, so

18:54 I think I had a taste of Freedom. Mall when one of your so probably from that time onward.

19:04 Wizards file for divorce I filed for divorce.

19:15 I never missed him.

19:18 I'm sorry for that.

19:21 What are you sorry because LOL. I want my kids to have a complete life mother father.

19:30 I tried to be the father in your life, but

19:35 I don't know.

19:37 Complete life parents grandparents uncles aren't extended family big family. That's how I see.

19:49 Life is like a good life. Is that my image in my life in my mind?

19:56 Would you say that's why you stayed with him for so long? Probably that could be one of the reasons. Yes.

20:03 I didn't I can't take away.

20:07 Break this you know, you couldn't see how he was just extra baggage and that way then and have you here, but I was I think I was willing to

20:24 Take that off. You know that that's what I don't know.

20:31 Abuse does to you

20:35 I didn't have a wonderful life before your father either so.

20:42 I just felt that's accept it it. Yeah, that's there you go. I accept it. It does my life and I have to live that life. That's how I have saved.

20:56 But I didn't plan on anything else. That's my life.

21:02 And I have to do my best.

21:05 To go through it, whatever I need to do. That's how I saw that.

21:15 You never imagine that you had the power to leave him. No and even create a better life for your daughter's without him.

21:24 Let's listen to of question because

21:32 I am more felt like taking things away from you if I take.

21:38 Your father even though he's not the best father out there. That's an understatement. I know but still.

21:47 Is Lose Yourself just like I told you like.

21:52 I don't have the capacity to raise my kids by myself. That's the idea made.

21:59 I believe it but I can't do this like I'm nothing.

22:07 I do but it's nothing.

22:10 I can do it now. That's all your feels.

22:17 Wow.

22:19 So much difference today. I was about to say oh, yeah, you don't think that at all anymore?

22:28 Sometimes when you guys upset about any thing and say things closes to that to I tried to tell you yesterday. We had a conversation with some fluffier.

22:43 Beard, that's what it is fear makes you

22:48 Lose

22:50 That's what I was trying to tell somebody else about your father yesterday.

22:56 Don't let the fear get to you.

23:01 So I was living that fearful life.

23:05 Absolutely, so we don't think of yourself. You don't remember you are a person basically.

23:16 Even if even he was gone, I was afraid to wear nail polish for a while.

23:25 So you

23:27 Tell yourself, but that's your life and you accept it.

23:36 What was the hardest thing about?

23:40 After

23:42 You guys split up and he went to jail.

23:48 Hardest thing. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what to do. I didn't really don't know like

23:56 How does this work? I don't know. I don't know how to make money. The first thing. I was took a job.

24:07 I started looking into and took a job in a kitchen.

24:13 So that's my first job.

24:16 That's why is my full name.

24:22 Yeah.

24:25 We had to move. Yeah, we have to mow when the house foreclosed. I just don't remember the David me left the our home you were childhood home and moved into an apartment until you ask me. I don't know you'll remember you seem happy.

24:44 You asked me like you don't seem.

24:50 Crying that you're losing Edge homer. I'm in myself setting day for everybody to Lisa at home and move away from that. I was just glad we had a roof over our head.

25:06 That day when we moved to an apartment, there was a concern about credit checks and I didn't have any credit.

25:16 And all those things those factors American Life factors come into play. It's just not thrown into the streets and video go with my children. So I was happy a hundred we could able to move into her place in starfish shelter.

25:37 Or something even though I arranged for talk to schools. What would be the course of action? It's a learning time for me. I learned.

25:49 Rental offices numerable. Oh my God, how many offices every single size of resources and that office school districts industrious shelters and everything. So I learned a lot now I want to get back to working someplace and should be able to put that to you. So, yes. Anyway, yeah, even though it's supposedly the sad day. It's like attitude. I just meant I guess way.

26:25 That day was a good day for me, even though it lost moving out if my kids childhood home fifteen years we lived there so

26:36 But still it was

26:40 You are the one that asked me all the tough questions alone all along the way.

26:45 I remember.

26:47 Though our first week after your dad left. You asked me. Do you regret marrying my dad?

26:58 You did it's a tough question kid.

27:09 Now I don't I have five kids. I would have said marriage.

27:15 Richard and basically my life

27:20 Did you want to play that is something I heard? I don't know. Somebody else was saying this if you you see tough days like today, you'll see that mess.

27:32 Hardest day, but down the road. You will come look back at it since he's the most beautiful day. But in that can sense. My life is not I'm not going to say that life was beautiful. The products. I have $5 out of that marriage. So I regretted know I wish it would have played out differently, but

27:56 Actually, yeah as a pattern I have wish that it wasn't that painful.

28:03 I don't know how to lose myself in that marriage.

28:09 Right

28:12 Yeah.

28:14 Kept you kept me thinking so.

28:19 Yeah, you're still asking me questions.

28:30 What is in the easiest thing for you since you and my dad split up?

28:37 Easiest River something that came naturally or I don't know.

28:47 Easiest thing

28:57 Easiest thing that came naturally

29:04 What do you mean I was doing before in the process of discovering myself or any of that was easiest for you to accomplish or do

29:15 I'm talking more now by my humor.

29:23 But yes, I'm so glad you said that yes, you guys make fun of me for making all those stupid jokes.

29:37 No cheesy cheesy. Yeah cheesy, I guess yeah.

29:44 That came out of nowhere, but I think it was natural for me, which I haven't used. I think that's what came out naturally.

29:54 The survey is a yeah. Sometimes you were cheating us you guys blame on me.

30:03 You know, it's not just said she's in his it's the SAS SAS. Okay, I love and admire and cannot thank God enough that we all got to see it. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm going to work with children. Now. I sometimes show that like with their kid with the kids and they love it. They just

30:37 Loud that's like that Corky nature of mine right now. This is love it. Just come running and hug me and let's I think that's the thing. He's eating. I'm enjoying that right now.

30:57 Like making jokes and tries showing the minion calling pee and there was a second. No, that's not so that's life. That's that makes me feel good about myself and

31:17 Yeah.

31:20 Kiss kiss me a liar. But yes, but I do those things. I think that's that's my nature. I guess now it's coming up.

31:32 Probably making feeling probably if you start feeling good about yourself. So people feel behave when they feel good about themselves like me cracking jokes and laughing making others wife and having a conversation and I know I'm not as talkative as you will but she talking definitely definitely I'm talking which I haven't done. I think it's about in past 10 years. It's not just

32:10 I'm slowly.

32:13 Speak up.

32:15 Speak. Yeah, that is your voice. Yeah, you lose your voice. Yeah.

32:22 You're using your voice. I'm using my voice. Yeah, I'm speaking up. Yes.

32:30 My goal is to speak for others now.

32:34 Hopefully I will be able to working out of you sitting on your voice for the children and a woman.

32:44 That should my medical knowledge should be able to my background check help. We'll see how it goes where it goes all that's great for yourself some goals. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

33:02 I'm proud of you, Oh, thank you. I'm so proud of you.

33:09 When I see you guys, that's my

33:14 Go my accomplishment.

33:19 Yeah, that's my accomplishment.

33:24 I did.

33:31 I think that's actually I don't have any other questions.

33:37 Love you, baby. Love you, too.