Olga Ryrakhovsky and Helen Chervitz

00:00 Hi, I'm older. I'm 32 years old. I'm calling from Boston, Massachusetts and my recording partner today is my mother.

00:11 So, my name is Helen chervitz and

00:15 I'm in Ukraine Kiev right now and to my conversational partner.

00:27 So hello you drink glasses?

00:36 I work in fashion. I'm trying to do something different. So I think we should start this questions and then we'll see how it goes. Yeah. So so one of the questions I wanted to ask you is did you always want to be a mother?

01:00 I never thought about it because in Ukraine and former Soviet Union, it was default you get married. You have a child.

01:12 So it was not like planned motherhood. It was a plant life.

01:19 How did you feel once you had a baby?

01:25 I was surprised to tell you the truth about those two Promises of the preparedness was the mother. Could you have not been sleeping for a year and Colin River kind of also then nursing was nothing really fun. And so I was kind of

01:56 Puzzled about the camping list of motherhood because I was promised to deliver be there eventually.

02:06 Was it a moment where where it came or was like a gradual feeling that you felt was a moment and then I remember

02:17 Can you tell me about the moment?

02:19 It was exactly on the first birthday. Can you imagine how long I was waiting for?

02:28 YouTube Work by 10 and the dry on the clothesline and then I earn Southwest like working day and night and it was mostly like

02:58 A labor camp I would say. Oh, so it was never and the shores and especially considering said you couldn't rest at night because you were yelling and screaming and when were you aware a year old?

03:21 I looked at you and said something and you smiled back.

03:26 And they remember is that I was so happy. That was a moment. I knew that there is a connection.

03:36 And we've continued smiling ever since and Boo-Boo.

03:50 I wanted to ask you what do you think? What do you think makes a good mother?

04:04 Lexington major teach your child to put a fuel Catalyst which know this is difficult and it was difficult before it was always probably difficult here and their ups and downs, but that's a great mother who teach your child stay happy be cheerful. Delete keep believing in a good day and keep you even can cause hyperness and sometimes it's hard to believe and then understand but if you can go through with that believes your life because there was a great accomplishment.

04:55 Open me as being the mother and open. Your mother would be for the child can do it. I think it's a mother's credit parents credit. And I think that's the challenge something that your mom was able to do for you.

05:25 It's also a cultural difference think because being creepy and former Soviet Union was a mother to him. What do you mean you're happy? You're not supposed to be happy. You're supposed to be serious. And is there some kind of nut?

05:54 Evan Smith peace preaching you understand

06:04 Was my relationship with my mother and was my friends except I'm typing. This is the most important thing and that we can get creepy. But if you can believe that the Samsung that you

06:23 SuperSU

06:26 It's great to myself accomplished. Do you think that you were able to do that for me growing up?

06:39 That's right. It's your answer if I succeeded so do I think I succeeded? I did my best. I think I did because if because at least you know it, you know that the fact that you should stay happy stay happy and Gilbert and beer and Inspire us being capable.

07:06 Yeah, I agree.

07:10 I agree. I think I think you did succeed in instilling the idea of two.

07:16 How important it is to be happy and stay positive and optimistic. I think it's challenging for me to do it. So it's great that you know the direction where to go camping this.

07:38 Yeah, but I do think you've always been very very strict and trying to be happy and trying to find moments of lightness and and that's always been clear to me growing up. It's important to to stay positive and optimistic.

07:58 But I think this year's you also understand that it was difficult coming from the former Soviet Union were helping. This was not the goal or a deer but serving the country was the major purpose of life. It was difficult for me to teach my child my child and my only child Samsung different.

08:22 Throw everything I learned being the child. You think it was a difficult being a mother in Boston, Massachusetts and raising me a month's like American families and frantic. Did you see a difference in the way you were you are parenting versus, you know, some of my peers I liked our school or Devereaux. And did you feel that you have to like a just the way that you were parenting in order to conform to the American way?

08:54 Uno and it's kind of a time when we immigrated the price of citizenship so I'm kicked out of the country so it was not like a chore to go to the United States to check how's it going concern if you like it you stay if you don't you can go back there if you are determined to succeed and to grow enter Jasper American culture, of course

09:33 The only difference I Christ.

09:38 It's been getting messages because it's kind of booster stage and very conservative and kind of don't accept the other and that's why I wanted to move to New York all the time and in New York and prove myself completely American and they did not see any difference between me and other American parents of your American friends. So it was kind of Multicultural and I did not feel outside outside there.

10:16 It is.

10:19 I Now understand that we were kind of a little bit

10:27 Differences by Anti-Flag difference and they don't even Americans were going that direction. I didn't do any difficulties with the language and wrote me Helen. If you want me to do in front of your instruction, please write subject-verb and poop. Because I have never had a single never do I don't understand the consequences of Texas major language simple so I can to download downgrade my language. That's probably was challenging.

11:27 Google speak liquor in the simpler way.

11:33 I guess I didn't realize that you got a job 2 weeks after you moved to America.

11:39 I was on TV because it was I found some kind of typewriter on some junk. I found the Boston Globe in the garbage and it was yesterday Boston Globe and I found a job advertisement and send a resume.

12:16 Road Thompson cancer called me for interview and they go to the job and I started working today after a management position. So I had Pony employees under me and JCC I go to the gym as you know from the last place was the first place in the year. So I felt very successful and being successful.

12:53 Wow, who took care of me while you were working dad?

13:01 What did he do with me you just like hung out with me?

13:07 I guess I was working very hard.

13:20 Abed wants to say what you was doing cuz you with what are you doing? Cuz I was watching cartoons with you.

13:35 What do you think is the most important part of our like relationship growing up?

13:47 Why do you think it's different from now?

13:57 I guess because I don't see you often.

14:01 Is the same thing going out it's called love.

14:06 So I have some questions for you. I have more for you. Okay, this one I didn't kid or a good daughter.

14:21 Definitely why?

14:26 Because you were a few karhula you were always smiling baby. I was always getting Uber current client. Also, everyone warned me about some kind of teenage years. You never heard about interested in the former Soviet Union because it's 12:22. And I didn't have any problems with you. So I don't know. Let me have parties so I didn't have to go behind your back.

15:16 What's it worth noting that super wild to think about not letting you have an American parents. It was wild that you you let me have parties. I I loved it. Thank you very much. Does that American parents were kind of surprising flabbergasted about but in my opinion of free spirit opinion and you know it

16:06 So it's not like you managed to keep the baldness a secret from me.

16:16 That's true.

16:18 I think you were kind of obedient kid.

16:26 But growing up before high school and back in Massachusetts. Do you think I was obedient then and I'm asking because do you remember how then I would get in trouble at school like every

16:43 Fucking day, of course. I remember what does it mean if they don't accept the others, New York High School where you blow? So so yeah. I just remembered I think about Marblehead, Massachusetts to

17:14 New Commerce, it's not about you about me about motherhood. I think about their attitude, but I remember distinctly when you have call. Do you remember that? They gave us warning like every time you like I did something wrong. You got a warning and most people got like two or three warnings and then had to go to like a Judiciary Committee which is made up of other students and I got eight warnings and I remember when I first got like the first met before you and Dad were pissed off, but by the time I got my fifth and sixth you just really had my back and really supported me and I remember one of these thing to steam

18:14 Memories of my childhood when I knew that you

18:18 We're always going to support me was when you came in like yells at the principal for giving me a warning for having soda or in the hallway or having like a I got in trouble for having like water in the hallway to remember, of course, he's honorable and I forgot my homework if you go to work, but then you go to Coca-Cola with real food.

19:17 Yeah, I know. I remember he said how much how much is a kid supposed to care about a can of Coca-Cola and I remember at that moment. I was like wow, they really have my back on one hand and then on the other hand, I was really stressed out because I was in a math class in the room next door and you could hear you guys shouting at the principal and I was like, well, I was never popular here at your parents like yelling and yelling.

19:56 You apologize for drinking soup cooler and the principal stop Samsung black your daughter. I have to tell you. I apologize for drinking Coca-Cola in designated area, and I don't think she was being this story and then your dad y'all expect a child to think about drinking Coca-Cola?

20:32 And then when we move to

20:36 To New York and it was much much easier to to fit in.

20:44 So it won't you blow assistant and that you moved because I wanted to go because I'm like me love me love love American Commercial situation now subjected to 38 and girl names and who stole the cake ever in the history of that school to the state.

21:39 Call become more questions liberal Exchange Place that I will take her turn to ask you some questions. I have all the more for you two questions to ask you because I'm scared of you. I was going to teach you happened to Chris you Boogie, Woogie.

22:18 Please ma'am to be the most important things you learned from me.

22:25 I think one of the most important things I've learned through from you is to be kind to others you're always extraordinary Li kind and you go out of your way to help people and you're always giving people gifts and and remembering holidays and birthdays and ever since you know where Ian you're giving me know the person at the grocery store. Do you get the nail salon just constantly giving your very giving and respecting other people's I think that's definitely

22:59 Something that I've learned from you to be giving

23:04 Yeah, that's true. I think that you.

23:25 Try to teach me to be patient and I think that's only we're both working on his patients, but I think it's something that you in me, I think.

23:47 You really taught me how important family is and that no matter how far we are or

23:55 Despite the fact we don't see each other off and how important it is to have a strong family unit, and I saw this with you. I'm calling your mom, you know every day and we had so many family dinners Bible study. I don't know if that's something that's important to you or if that's like a Soviet thing, but you really did teach me how important it is to care for your family. And even though ours is small you continue to teach me that it's important to stay connected and happy and to love each other. I'm very grateful for the Google. Thank you.

24:36 And what you are a few years if you have inherited and what you wish you had looked and that has an opinion, but I think I have your sense of humor. I think I'm sharp and witty and that's from you.

24:56 And

24:58 Yeah, I think we're both hilarious. I wish I didn't is that you take things too personally and I do too so someone likes, you know mrs. My birthday or says something the wrong way or looks at me in a strange way. I can get very upset and it can ruin my day and I think your similar didn't care so much.

25:40 That's true. But now it's sensitive and take a look and give them a call to forgive any offense in 5 minutes. Chris Pratt movies and diminish the time. For 3 to 5 minutes. What are what are what are named one or two things to go for the big ones that you've learned from me?

26:26 What I learned from you.

26:32 Volume is very important things to change my life and it's a small sink Wella note to be late. If I had five more minutes before I thought that's a good time to start cleaning refrigerator. What's the texture of equipment to grab right away? So I was over stressed and always apologizing for being weak and then 15 minutes before you can get rid of yellow. Where are you? Give me some time to text via Instagram to read some news. It was so relaxing under learn.

27:31 If I come five minutes earlier, I have my own personal island called to avoid this dress. So that's the biggest thing I run from you because I was always trying to use any minute, and actually I was not lately by a little stressed, but I'm now I'm leaving the house, and sometimes sometimes not in time for the meeting, but I stress ball from you.

28:16 Since I was trying to teach you.

28:21 SuperSU zip code

28:24 But I think it's kind of going it's a two-way street and if you your support because what's happened in our lives with booger separated and the peaches.

28:52 I've seen since I learned from you to keep your ammo. So I'm learning from you two would be used to be the peak.

29:10 To be easier to bees on people in general and that I learned from you.

29:18 I am more peaceful than you.

29:24 So, you know, do you know why I'm punctual now.

29:30 Because you and Dad you guys would go out when I was younger and this is before cell phones or I don't know if you had a cell phone and you would say you'd be back at nine at 9 or 1. I was calling Grandma be able to call 911. What should we do? They're not home and Grandma your mom would just stay on the phone with me until you came and you guys will come at 9:15 and I will be so mad at you guys. Are you said 9 like you said what you was good for itching you I would come but maybe 15 minutes to matter, but you and mother was a person who is waiting, but for me personally because it's a quote from stress less out of my life.

30:25 I have a question if you have one piece of advice to give me.

30:35 Which sets would be?

30:42 That's a good question.

30:46 I think sort of what you talked about earlier just not to be so hard on other people because I think you have a certain set of expectations of how people should behave or act which is very high. And I think that if people don't meet that expectation you get really upset and mad

31:13 And it can ruin your day you're easily and I think my advice to you would be just to lower your expectations of other people and because just because somebody's not acting or behaving or reacting the way you would to a certain situation not to let that affect you and get your day upset. Like these are other people and their issues and the way they're behaving and if it doesn't match what you would do, I just wouldn't take it. So like personally

31:43 Can they put a request through a quick question to you darling darling to give me or to give you want to give yourself to give me advice if you have to give me one piece of advice, what would it be like spectations when people because if they're high and they don't need your expectation that will ruin your day, but your relationship was the people it took me a lifetime many years to learn the people don't meet my expectation. So try to learn it earlier in your life and lower your expectations. It's Raza.

32:35 It's preferable to be.

32:39 Happy and pleasantly surprised when people exceed the expectations when they don't need to meet those expectations, so it took me quite a while to the times that twice so I'm going to work on that, but I'm much better now, but a lot of years to learn my

33:10 Life kind of principles as you called expectation.

33:22 Life quotes bible saying it's like different from others, and that should not.

33:30 I should be.

33:32 Judgmental and let people be and it's my choice to let those people was their shortcomings in my alarm on note to let them in my life, but I will give you a piece of advice to you now don't wait for a lifetime to be hard on other people, but it's a good advice and I know I still have to work on it but to have that in you and that's a good piece of advice. Don't be hard on yourself. That's the first step of not being cart on others and but I'm heart and demanding to myself as well and septic kind of expense and influences my relationship with others, but for you before giving theirself, don't be hard on yourself and it will be easy for you.

34:32 Forgiving and Mozart's how do I do that? I'm not a professional. But how I don't know how you find you if I had known you find you?

34:55 If you were instances in the company of your friends and they both asked her to tell the story about your mother what that story would be.

35:06 Yeah, I know. You're probably a great choice and select you could probably write a book about my mother.

35:22 Yeah, I mean there's so many when when I saw that I thought you meant like the story of your mom. Like how would I describe you and I was just generally would say like a badass you're very strong and resilient and hard-working.

35:40 I do have so many I remember one time.

35:45 I came home and you had made food menu, and I said I didn't want to demand you and you just threw the whole thing supposed to pan and everything in the trash and I can't even get the dinner that night. You said you don't want food menu. That's fine. And just threw the whole thing out songs, like I did a dumb thing everyday basis that I know but from then on I learned to be happy that everything is delicious. Thank you so much for dinner and just to be grateful for dinner.

36:22 Yeah, that was a that was a fun one. Do you remember I do but I also remember that you probably said no to some it came back from the tower so and it was Brock Lesnar's shirts kind of sentence with me or not the first one so you said something and then you can be on my patience. And today you learn that patience is Samsung. I personally still have the work on.

36:58 So

37:02 What does the other question what does it mean when is of your childhood that you think your personality and I know that you are a great kid and you have a lot of friends in the job because you're so sociable and funny and give him but

37:27 Books, what's the memories of your childhood. Just informed that personality of your man yelled at the principles. I got a big moment for me and realizing and understanding that you guys are there for me. I have like really Vivid memories of just having dinners with grandmother and Grandson playing the word game and just

37:55 I was able to beat both grandmas in their native tongue in Russian by the way, very very impressive and it's mostly Babushka. That's my mother of strong memories of of being together and laughing and just you guys really try to keep it fun or double barrel Saloon call you decided to Lemongrass in culture and 122 and then we went to the library and then you go to of crime and punishment.

38:55 And I don't even know if you understood everything and then you're going to try and you were going around and everyone was I like surprising consultant and you were answering things you do for you. And I think it's the funny just caring around the idiot. But at least you got prepared in case you missed some Joe Dostoevsky and could ask you a question. You were prepared for it. You were both kind of War for the Public Image, but you were prepared for the one who might know.

39:55 What she was talking about?

40:00 So I think they had a good conversation and they think it was useful for both of us and I am so glad we have this conversation and that I'm really just really proud of you and I'm proud of you and I love you immensely. I love you immensely to

40:23 And I hope I'll see you soon. I hope so too. Looking forward to it.