Paul deAngera & Storey Squires

00:02 My name is story squires. I'm 62 years old. Today's date is February 21, 2023. We're at providence, mount st. Vincent, and my relationship to paul is co worker and friend.

00:21 I am paul de angera. I am 74. This is February 21, 2023. We are at providence, mount st. Vincent. I am a volunteer and friend to story.

00:36 Okay, first of all, paul, thank you very much. I'm really, really pleased that we're doing this interview because you've been a fabulous part of this community as a volunteer for 19 years. You're in your 19th year, which is truly amazing, and you have done a multitude of things here. So I would like to start by asking, could you tell me a little bit about what prompted you to volunteer? What brought you here as a volunteer?

01:10 About 19 years ago, you were involved in an article in the west seattle Herald describing the amount and the work that volunteers did and inviting people to volunteer. And I read the article and decided that I would come in.

01:30 Wow. I didn't. I did not remember that. Can you share some of the roles that you've taken on, which have been a lot? And so I have. I just kind of wrote some off the top of my head as a. So I have a backup list. But I'd love to hear what you. What comes to mind for you as the roles that you've taken on.

01:55 Well, I began by visiting residents one on one, and then I found that the very best thing to do with the residents when I was visiting them, because I was doing it on the weekend, I, when there weren't many scheduled entertainments here, was to take them to the gift shop, which is sort of the local coffee shop hangout for this place and really the least institutional space in the building. And then I was informed that due to budget constraints, the coffee shop was to be closed on weekends. So I complained. And as often happens, you know, in an organization like this, when you complain about something, you get put in charge of it. So I began running the shop on weekends in order to accommodate residents that had not a lot else to do, and to provide a space for family members to come and visit the residents in a more sociable, neutral setting. And that's been my main position ever since. In addition, I've accompanied residents with the recreational therapists on van outings for shopping and for recreation to a lot of interesting places. And I've participated in the fundraising bazaar sales that are held on holidays. I guess I'm drawing a blank here, but I know I've done other things.

03:55 Okay, well, I can say a few things. So, pre Covid, you wrote articles for the volunteer voice. You actually worked alone in the gift shop, but then you also transitioned to working on weekdays with others. When you retired, I think you interviewed residents and wrote up life bios on them. You did escorts for the hair salon, bringing residents to and from the hair salon. You worked in the shipping and receiving department, aka the warehouse. You helped me with several special projects. The one that comes to mind is the volunteer services manual, which we never quite completed, but it's.

04:47 We still might.

04:48 Yeah, we still will. Yeah. I remember you trained people how to use a new cash register, and not only did you do that, but you created a manual about how to do that. And then one really extraordinary thing that I hope we can circle around to, and it's. We can't use the name, but you were very close to a resident that you played scrabble with, I think, twice a week, and you provided really amazing support to her as she went through the last year of her life and years of her life and her after her life was over, so. And you are. One other thing that I really want to appreciate is you're also. You found ways to donate money to the mount as well. I think you're a regular donor, so there's just multiple layers.

05:56 Yeah. I bought the open sign for the gift shop.

05:59 Oh, did you? I didn't know that. The neon sign.

06:03 Yeah. Yeah.

06:04 Oh, see, that's so cool. I love neon, so I heartily approve. Yay. So, are there. Is there anything that you want to say about any of those roles in particular?

06:21 Well, I really value the friendships I've made here. I've made and lost many friends as they progressed through the final stages of life. And those were very dear experiences for me to be with them during that time and to offer what support I could, I did some volunteering for spiritual care services in the no one dies alone.

07:04 Oh, I forgot about that. Yeah. No one dies alone. Would you explain what that is?

07:13 This was a program to ensure that a resident that had no family would be accompanied by someone that would spend time with them and comfort them, play music for them, read scripture to them if they wished, and know that there was someone in the room that was paying attention.

07:50 So you were sitting with people as they were in the last days or hours of their life.

07:56 Mm hmm.

07:57 Yeah.

08:04 When I ran the. The shave ice machine during the festivals down on the patio.

08:12 Oh, my God, how could I forget the summer concerts? You were such a stalwart summer concert volunteer. And also the low vision group. I just remembered that. But, yeah, I can see you walking around with the tray in the summer concerts, just, you know, bussing. Bussing dirty plates. And then they're shaved. Yeah. Making snow cones. That's wonderful. And tell me how the low vision group started.

08:45 Well, some residents that are accustomed to having pretty good vision throughout most of their lives go through a sudden diminishment of their vision, often due to macular degeneration or due to cataracts or due to diabetes or due to an injury. And they need assistance to find books that they can still readdez or to obtain things like reading machines, illuminated magnifiers, big print crossword puzzles, and big print calendars so that they can continue to do a lot of the things that they're accustomed to doing. And I was very happy to do that work while I could.

10:13 So tell me what it was like when your mother moved in, and what have been your impressions of the Mount as a family member?

10:26 Well, I was motivated to come and volunteer when I saw the newspaper article, because I knew that my mother was going to need to live in some kind of supportive environment pretty soon. And I knew that she had gone to several different institutions and toured them and evaluated them, and the mount was her first choice. So I wanted to learn more about it, and I wanted to be here to make her feel comfortable when she came in to. As it turned out, her transition from independent living to coming to the mount was. Was very traumatic. She didn't let go of her independence easily. She fought that transition tooth and nail, and it was only when nurse from another institution came to the hospital and evaluated her and said that she was not capable of living in their assisted living facility that she realized that she could not go back to her condominium, that she needed to seriously. Even though she had gone through the process of evaluating supportive institutions, when it came to it, she had a lot of difficulty in accepting it. When I brought her here to go into admissions, I offered to bring her a wheelchair, and she refused because she wanted to show that she was strong. And for most of her time here, she seemed to prefer the least amount of mobility aid that she could get away with because she wanted to show that she was strong. I think that when she came here and realized that there was a social aspect, that she had people that she could dine with, that there were classes and concerts. Of course, this is all pre pandemic, and that she was making friends and even meeting a couple of people that she'd known before that she discovered were here it became years of happiness that she never expected to have. And I think that it was probably one of the best times of her life here.

13:54 I know you have a lot to do with that, Paul, and it's amazing. I think that's an amazingly smart thing to do. One other volunteer that I'm aware of that did that, too, is volunteer in advance of a family member coming in. And I just think that's such a gift to her. And luckily, I think it's worked out for you, too. So are you done talking about your mom, or would you like to continue on?

14:29 Well, I'll just mention that she did live in assisted living for most of the nine or ten years that she was here, and she was a faller, so she actually broke bones three times while she was here, despite all the precautions that we could take. And she would go into long term care for a month or two to heal up and then come back to her apartment. The last time she came back to her apartment for a trial, and she decided that she didn't want to move back to her apartment. She said she felt lonely, and so she had her final year in long term care, which was a more of a communal environment and also, of course, a higher level of care. And the recreational therapists over on LTC are a lot more involving. And so she actually had more opportunities for recreation. She had a wonderful roommate. They quite liked each other, and other friends in her neighborhood, three south. So that turned out to be another good phase of her life that she had been afraid of entering. That turned out all right for her.

16:25 Hmm.

16:30 So she passed away in 2012, and since then, I've carried on volunteering just because I've felt like it's a community and I'm part of it. And I have friends here. I am retired now, and it structures my retired life. It's kind of a second career for me. And I found that working two days and having seven days off is about right.

17:05 Well, that brings up in a circular way, Paul, one of the things I really like and appreciate about you is you have a way of phrasing things. And so one of my favorite things that you've said, I've written a lot of them down. One of my favorite ones, I bet, you know what I'm going to say is work is how adults play together. So tell me a little bit about that, about how that's. Well, it sounds like that's how you feel about the structure of being here and the relationships you have.

17:46 Well, sure. I mean, you know, I remember being very young, and we made games of the things we saw adults doing, and working was one of them. So what we're doing here is a very wonderful game.

18:11 And you're playing store and have for years and years and years.

18:15 That's right. I always long to have a store and now I do.

18:20 Yeah, two days a week. I think that's great. And you are also, one of the ways that you express your dedication was in March of 2020 when we closed to volunteers. You and your wife, too, stayed involved as what I would call active off site volunteers. So before you came back on site, could you tell me what you did from home and how you kept in the game, so to speak?

18:55 Well, I stayed in touch with the residents that I knew by mail and by phone when possible. We, before there was a vaccine, we would visit through a window, one inside and one outside, down in the dining hall. And then you came up with the idea of having pen pals, having the volunteers off site write letters and put me in touch with more residents. So at this point, I'm actually in touch with and know more, even more residents than I did before the pandemic. And now, of course, I'm able to drop in on them as well. But I write about 14 or 15 letters a week or cards, if there's nothing to say, and find articles in the news that some, you know, some residents, I know enough about their interests that I can find things for them. Other residents I can find, like, animal stories, and everybody likes stories about cats and how cute they are. And so I send them those and I let them know that if they want me to do anything for them or they want me to pick up anything for them, I'll take care of it. And I just got, had the opportunity to meet one of my correspondents I hadn't met before who's a retired architect. And he showed me floor plans of the last house he designed. He has an apartment larger than my mother's, the smallest size in the building here. And in that apartment, he has a drafting table and shelf of all of his reference material in his bed. So you have an architect on board. I don't know if you're aware of it or not.

21:25 And we've had a couple, male and female.

21:28 He showed me one of his drafting triangles. He's an old time architect that doesn't use computers. He still uses a drafting table and number three pencils and t squares and that kind of thing. And he had a broken drafting triangle. So I went to an art supply store and I got him some new drafting triangles and really touched his heart.

21:55 Yeah.

21:55 Really hit the gong for him. And that really gave me a lot of pleasure.

22:01 Well, that's something I noticed about you, Paul, and I really want to appreciate it. There are so many ways you. Subtle ways you find to be thoughtful. And I think about times that you have brought me my coffee if I've forgotten to swing back and get it or, you know, you really tune into people, and that's amazing. I do want to remind you that you also made lots of origami cranes.

22:43 During COVID Pat, help me with that project.

22:47 Yes. And I do remember you were one of the first volunteers I saw on site during COVID because you were helping this resident that you had been so close to. You basically vacated her apartment. You wrapped up many of her possessions. You, I think you arranged for some of the very practical things of her life to be taken care of. And I think you were with her on the day that she died, if I remember correctly.

23:25 That's true. I was allowed to see her. I don't remember what the title of that is. Compassionate.

23:33 Compassionate visit. This was when visits were very restricted.

23:37 Yeah. Which, you know, I had to gown up for and because it was still before vaccinations were available. And it was very sad for me to see her go, but I knew it had been her decision not to have any further treatment.

24:04 And I think, you know what she told me that I told you what she said about you.

24:10 Mm hmm.

24:11 Yeah. That you were the brother she always wished she had, and that was very healing for her. And then you also, you and your wife also arranged to spread her ashes and the ashes of her husband, which, you know, you created the ritual of releasing those into, you know, into.

24:42 Elliott Bay.

24:42 Elliott Bay. Yeah. That was really moving. I was so glad that you invited me to that. So what? I have another attack. Questions, although, do you want to say anything more about that experience? This is really above and beyond.

25:10 I think that this resident was probably the closest friend I've made here.

25:21 I want you to tell the story, because I think it's so good of the innovation your wife came up with when you used to play Scrabble, I think, twice a week with this resident. And there was a time when you were fairly evenly matched, I think. But then it got to be because of, you know, because of how she was aging or ill, that she wasn't able to play at the same level.

25:48 Well, she was too proud to have a handicap.

25:52 Okay.

25:54 So once again, my wife really provided the inspiration, and her advice was add both your scores together into a single column instead of having individual scores. And so that is what we did. And the higher the total was at the end, the more pleased we were. And it made it so. There was still a goal, but it was a common goal.

26:32 Yes. And that is so beautiful. And I have adopted that in my own life in certain competitive games. I think that's really great. So a few other questions. What? Well, actually, I'm going to skip over that and go to. I have a memory of, you know, when we were celebrating you and some other volunteers, milestone anniversaries. We were on. You were celebrating year 15, and we have a bit of an event, and we gave you flowers. And a staff person basically took the mic out of my hands to tell me. Well, to tell the assembled group that you were one of his, the people that he looks up to the most and how much help you have been to him and just how he loves you. And I found that really moving, and I wondered how you felt about it, because when I think about it, you are from different generations and very different backgrounds. So what was that like for you to be so publicly? I think he started crying, if I remember correctly.

28:01 Let's move on to the next question.

28:03 Okay. All right. So what has being part of this community taught you, if anything, about how to value your own phase, this phase that you are living in your life?

28:25 Well, I find that physical changes are happening in my own body. I won't detail them. They're typical for people in their seventies. But I know that there will come a time when I may want to move here, and I am nothing, not bothered by that at all. I know a lot of people, including my parents, are terrified of retirement homes. I'm not, at least certainly not of this one. And so it's good to know that when I can't live independently anymore, that there's a resource that I can turn to, that I can count on to respect me and to care for me in that final time.

29:45 Beautiful. So I thought I would ask you what are three things that have been hard about being a part of this community? And what are three things that have been rewarding or enlivening about being part of this community?

30:14 Well, I don't know. I can't think of anything that was really hard about it. I'm sorry. There's a particular recreational therapist who's buoyant optimism and guidance in working with residents has been very inspiring. I've made several close friends in the staff, and I've found that it's still possible for me to have the kinds of relationships that I used to have when I was working, which I really need to be part of my fulfillment. Even as a volunteer, the staff treat me as one of them. I'm not treated as an outsider. And that's reassuring because I have a need to be in an organization that has some purpose. And I have to say that this organization has a purpose that's a lot more inspiring than when I had my regular job.

32:03 That's really interesting. Your regular job was really important, too. It created a service that a lot of people count on. But there's. I don't want to say this. So what value? How would you describe the value that the mount offers to the city?

32:33 Well, the mount is a resource for the city in several ways. Primarily, of course, it's a place where disabled and elderly people can have social contact. They can have hot meals. They can live here if they need to. They can have whatever level of care they need from coming for lunch to a hospital level of care. And that's somewhat unusual in the. In the searching that I did for my mother. A lot of places only offer one level of care. And then if you need a different level or you need more care, they expect you to move out. And I think that would be very traumatic, just at a time when you were experiencing a lot of need and perhaps some fear to be told that you have to go to an entirely different institution because now you. You don't fit anymore. But here, people fit with a wide variety of needs.

34:02 Beautiful. I'm going to ask you a question that was asked of me in my oral history. And so that's where I got this question from. If there was one word to describe what you found, what you found here, what would that. What might that be?

34:27 I'm sorry, I don't think I can grasp that question.

34:36 That's okay. I think, for me was humanity, was a sense of human to human connection. Anything else you want to say that I didn't ask about or that you want to just add to the cherry on top of the sundae?

35:12 Well, I think that one of the interesting aspects of the mallet that makes it different from a lot of places is the empowerment of the residents. We don't even call them patients here. They are residents. And I've become used to this terminology. They have rights. They're individuals. And the other thing that strikes me is food. The mountain seems to understand how important food is, both in terms of conforming to a person's dietary requirements, in terms of pleasure, and social contact. Eating together is a very ancient ritual. And not only the very. Considering the large audience for the food here, fairly good and often surprisingly good food here. The treats and desserts and parties and even involving residents and making food, they have, I know in this particular rt that I'm thinking of, she bakes with them, they make sandwiches for homeless people. They make treats for each other. So food is an important aspect of how people feel about their lives. People tell me that part of their lives is good here, and that's something.

37:32 That you support by being in the gift shop, because that's a coffee shop, too. There's a lot of people getting treats there and. Yeah, that's food. Food and treats.

37:48 Yeah. Learning to be a barista has been a pretty cool experience. And in my actual career, I was involved in projects that might take two or three years to finish. But here I can finish a project in about three minutes. And so. That's quite nice.

38:12 Yes. Yes. That's wonderful, Paul. That is. Gosh, I feel like there was one other thing I was going to ask you, but I. I don't remember. Oh, I just wanted to thank you. That's it. I think we're down to about our last minute. And I just. I really think you're a fabulous guy, you're a fabulous volunteer, and you bring a lot of heart to this community. And I think that's one of the things that I especially appreciated about it, is that I think your previous job was very analytical or mathematical or computer based, and lo and behold, you have amazing people skills and sense of ability to connect with a deeply caring heart. So thank you.

39:10 Thank you.