Rachael O'Connor and Roger White

00:07 I'm Rachel O'Connor. I'm 57 years old and today is Saturday, July 17th, 2021 and we're in Fairport, New York. This is my partner Rodger and he is indeed my partner.

00:28 I'm Rodger white, my age is 58.

00:33 And the same date. July 17th 2021 in Fairport.

00:40 This is my partner, Rachel.

00:43 And we're going to talk about our relationship.

00:50 Alright, so

00:53 There's a few reasons that I want to tell her story. And first, I think it's a beautiful one. The story of us meeting is unique and sweet and our relationship is very beautiful. So I I want to share that.

01:13 Just getting getting choked up and I want to share it with others and preserve it and you know also because I had shock therapy, a lot of my memories are gone and it would be nice to hear some of the stories from our really relationship, huh?

01:39 Do you remember those?

01:43 So,

01:45 In a nutshell we got together in. No, we didn't get together. We met in 1984 and we actually got together as a couple 24 years later in 2008. And this year we're marking our 13th or the 13th year together, and it's wonderful. I'm so grateful.

02:13 So maybe you can tell me about when we first met.

02:17 Well, we had a couple friends.

02:21 Bill and Betty and their Handler a couple.

02:26 And I was a friend of their son.

02:29 And you were there for some reason. And I arrived at the house and we were introduced. And I remember this just intense.

02:41 Electric.

02:44 Focused person.

02:47 Which I have not really ever experienced before.

02:51 Where we standing near a car? No, I think that was in the living room or the kitchen.

03:00 Later, we still in your car in the driveway. Yeah, I just feel like I have this one slash of standing near a car with you, like early on.

03:11 Yep, and Betty and Bill Betty. And Bill were very good to both of us and

03:22 I worked for them, but I was more than employee that I was their project.

03:30 How lucky we were to be their projects.

03:34 Yes.

03:35 Well, I remember.

03:38 Early on they invited. Both of us to A Folk Festival and they bought us tickets.

03:44 And so, we were

03:47 I think the main event which they were still having a little Pavilion at the time.

04:01 And here I was with you thinking they had set me up on a date, but who knows?

04:07 What their intentions were they might have just said they were going to invite these two, and I remember saying I'm tired of sitting in this chair and moved to the ground and few minutes later. You said, I'm going to graduate to the ground to

04:24 So we sat on the ground sort of listening to the music without actually seeing it anymore because of the half-wall beginners.

04:38 So what I remember earlier relationship early in our knowing each other is hanging out with Ted. Yes. The three of us, we did the other three of us did things together. Like, we went sledding. I remember we went hiking and I remember going to your house one time, the three of us.

05:05 In My Father's House in Fairport, yes.

05:10 Bring.

05:12 Yeah, I remember you came over for dinner.

05:15 With my father and his wife at the time, Mary Ellen.

05:24 I, I don't remember a lot of glass table and your leg going over and hitting mine and thinking they're going to see that was I like, like I was brushing my life with you, like intentionally.

05:42 Like, like an advance, or like, what are they doing? Like, poke poke poke. I don't think it was a. What are they doing?

05:50 In later, of course, my father had to get out to piano bench and pull it open and pull up photographs of me. And you looked at one of my childhood photographs, and said you were a cute, what happened? I can't believe I was so rude. I thought it was just trying to be funny now to hear that. I just cringe.

06:20 And I love the the few photos that you have of yourself when you were young, those now.

06:32 You do. Yeah. Where I figured that was about all that was left after.

06:43 Know all the Moves In The Fire And I have the photos when the fire happened so we didn't get burned. That was the fire at your sister's house.

06:55 So, the last thing I remember from that dinner, was it when you left, I gave you this great big hug. And then you left your going to smother her. Thanks. Alan, right? Yeah, that's embarrassing. Who I was, as a young person. I was completely oblivious, right? Yeah. I didn't read signs like that very well. Well, I did attempt to get you to go out with me.

07:31 But it never happened. Yeah, I probably was oblivious at the time.

07:42 Yeah, we met that your year. I came back from you. Just graduated from University.

07:52 And let's say there were a lot of years there that we were on separate paths, right?

08:00 So, I can usually we'd run into each other.

08:04 No, and it always seem to be that. You recognize me. I didn't recognize you really up. You would always say, I say my name and I be like, who's this? No, I wasn't quite that bad. I mean, I would know who you were and you had bright red hair.

08:30 Zoe metal thing about grocery store ones.

08:34 The coop.

08:36 I was at the little Co-op. Oh, yeah, and then I think, maybe it'll please cross the street on Monroe Avenue, and I know you at least had your son, but I don't remember if you had your daughter with you.

08:59 Yeah.

09:03 Interesting.

09:04 I'm sure I was always very happy to run into you, you were, you were very happy. I mean, it was just amazing.

09:12 We are so excited to see me.

09:15 I'm glad to hear it. I'm I'm glad I didn't say something rude. Like I did about that picture. That would have been painful.

09:24 So, you know, we both had relationships.

09:28 Series of relationships and long-term relationship beer.

09:34 And then, you know,

09:36 Which is definitely not run into each other. After that. I was living in Naples.

09:46 Now, thirty years ago, this year.

09:50 Rate.

09:53 And then we ran into each other again shortly after my husband and I split up.

10:03 So, I have moved into the city, a friend of ours, called me to call you.

10:17 Oh, you know that you were having a hard time after your husband is left.

10:24 And I thought well, I don't know what I'm going to say, but I did call.

10:28 We talked a long time. I think you did most of the talking and I think that's what you really wanted. Was somebody to listen.

10:45 And then I guess it was probably a year or so later 2001 where?

10:52 Tom brought you to a goldlink that tool?

11:05 I remember, time telling me like we were doing a contra dance or something and time telling me that he'd really like to dance with you.

11:13 Me and you new? Yes, you can probably read that. Yeah, I think you could.

11:24 But I was

11:27 I was very covered.

11:30 Right. Well,

11:32 I was Garden your garden. So everyone's guarded.

11:36 For a long time for many years.

11:41 Well, at that point you also had two young kids.

11:46 And I was in a lot of pain.

12:05 I'm sorry to remind you about that paint.

12:15 Well, I just think that

12:18 You know.

12:20 The man that they did experience as a result of my

12:26 Marriage.

12:28 Who makes this?

12:30 All the sweeter.

12:32 And it really makes me know how very, very lucky I am.

12:37 How lucky we are.

12:43 Spell.

12:49 Eye exam.

12:52 It was it was a hard time.

12:57 And I was, I was very guarded for many, many years after that.

13:03 Yes.

13:06 But we became closer and closer friends, right? Will.

13:12 I was really kind of cording you and I didn't get that. Well, I figured you were just resistant. Well, maybe that was an possibly not interested, but I wasn't interested at first, or too many times where I thought I saw interest. So I kept looking at it from about 2002.

13:35 2008, you were very, very patient.

13:42 Maybe we would go to music, avancer it together.

13:59 Is there a lot of things where I like?

14:04 Thinking about,

14:06 Dating you being together with you, but

14:10 And there was always some reason since there.

14:14 I remember going to a, I think we went to Christine Lavin concerts, but it's the first one in Geneva.

14:23 Christine Lavin came out of the off the stage and walked over to me, started talking to me, and I don't really remember what it was about. Something about being in relationships and somehow she indicated, I should be telling the person that was in love with that. I was in love with her and I sat there and just said, I didn't say anything because I was so afraid of being refused.

14:53 And I wasn't going to do it in public. I wouldn't have either.

14:58 I think the second time we went to see her.

15:02 She asked for single men to come up on stage.

15:09 Yes, I remember that now vaguely around. Yeah, and you were camping around or what? Yes.

15:22 But I remembered when I knew that you were in love with me.

15:29 It is when you gave me a jar of cherry preserves, and I don't remember, you know, specifically the details, although I sure remember that your cherry jam looks like. But there's something about, you know, how you had probably, you know, noticed that you would take a note, but I love cherries and you had brought me a jar of cherry jam, and I don't know what about that. Your gift and presenting me that gift was like, oh, he's in love with me. I just, I knew at that moment.

16:13 Well, for a long time, I felt like I could track everything that you really liked, and we're interested in. Oh my gosh, but I seen dude.

16:22 But they can't remember them all anymore, over load right now, you know everything about me.

16:32 The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

16:38 But I think that

16:42 You were, you were such a good friend to me. You were my best friend and you know, eventually you really wanted my heart.

16:52 Bring.

16:55 And that's a beautiful thing and I'm so grateful.

16:59 That, that happened.

17:04 I'm just so grateful.

17:11 Well.

17:14 We have to talk about going to Buffalo. Yes. Date. That wasn't a date, right? So I had found out that the Garrison Keillor.

17:28 Prairie Home, Companion is coming to Buffalo. I thought I would ask you to go cuz I knew how much you like them. How you would sit, and have maybe a glass of wine with, and listen to Gary. Yes, in the bathtub, in the bathtub on Saturday nights, free, but I couldn't they were going

17:54 And they suggested I invite you and I still couldn't get to the invite. And then one day you called me up and said, Garrison killers killer is coming to Buffalo. You want to go? Yeah, I remember that.

18:09 So we went is a foursome. We had dinner went to the show, but it was not a date. Now, as far as I was concerned. We were not dating. I don't know. I don't know. But I saved the the program is hanging on your side of the bed. So it wasn't a Garrison. Came out on stage.

18:36 We're all applauding and you gave me that great big spontaneous hug.

18:47 Yes. Yeah. I also remember how he introduced the whole show with all these stories about Buffalo that the parts that weren't broadcast. Now, you never know about that. That was really fascinating.

19:02 Yeah, I remember the lights coming up in the sound coming up and I was thrilled and I just embraced you. Yep. I remember it vividly.

19:14 Yeah.

19:16 And,

19:20 I just retired, I know that.

19:25 Well, I'm thinking about when I kissed you for the first time like a real kiss, not a ring, but

19:35 Mount Sterling to.

19:39 Naples 13 years ago.

19:46 I think we've done, we've done a lot of work since then.

19:56 I think we were finding our way and you know, we were we were learning what was, you know, okay and not okay.

20:07 For not only in the relationship for each other, but for ourselves.

20:13 I'm done. Wait, we negotiated that time. It really was quite a bit of work and the beginning it wasn't.

20:23 Yeah, I'm just a fairytale.

20:27 But,

20:30 Now, you know now I wonder

20:34 You know, what? Is it that you?

20:37 Like about our relationship or love about our relationship.

20:43 Well.

20:49 It's just the fact that I really like you and you know, it's nice to be with you.

20:55 I think we have an acceptance that most people don't have.

21:02 I think you're right. And I feel the same way.

21:05 And I really, I really like you as a person and, you know, I accept who you are and don't try to change you, but it's not very much. I think we're both support of each of each other and flexible. And

21:32 I think we do really try to be considerate of each other.

21:36 And respectful and genres.

21:47 Do I have another thing here? I wanted to relieve, which was.

21:54 For years, there was a sign that I drove by that said O'Connor Road.

22:07 Shock of my sense is coming alive being alert. That's that's really lovely. Yes.

22:23 And it reminds me of when you're telling me that it kind of reminds me of that song. God Bless the Broken Road, which

22:34 When I play that on the piano, I think of, I think of us and the circuitous path, the Broken Road, that's

22:45 Yeah, led to this, right?

22:49 Right.

22:54 What do you what do you think the challenges in our relationship are?

23:05 I'm really not sure.

23:09 I think we're in challenging times right now, not with each other, but just the circumstances.

23:18 Taking care of my mom.

23:22 The fact that certain a challenge,

23:25 Would you rise to with Incredible Grace and generosity? I am very grateful and I also

23:38 You know, it's it's hard right now. Make time for each other.

23:44 And I want to really make an effort.

23:49 To do that and ever to consider you even though in some ways, we put we put ourselves on the back burner.

23:59 Right.

24:05 You're very kind.

24:09 I love you. I love you, too.

24:13 I know we I know we watch a lot of HGTV with my mom. You're my forever home.

24:29 You really are.

24:35 It's very nice.

24:39 Really peanut.

24:47 You had other questions there.

24:56 I know I had.

24:58 Well, so I kind of wanted to talk about the day that we really got together, but I don't know if it's sort of out of sequence now, so I had to think I was doing some paint color testing using a Martha Stewart. Pallet from the fine paints of Europe. Collection said some Martha Stewart power.

25:27 And I had painted a couple cabinet doors and I had painted them vertically. So there was half the door was $1 and the other half was another cause I kind of like that. Yeah.

25:42 And it said that way for years. And then one day you said you were going to help me finish. So you came up to help me finish. We work on the painting, the rest of the doors and trying to make them all look like the paint have been torn off.

25:58 When we took a break, and we went outside.

26:09 And you went first.

26:11 You said you wanted to be a couple?

26:15 Wanted to start dating really? I don't remember that.

26:23 Wow, that's something that got erased.

26:30 You were, you were letting me know that this is no longer, just me thinking about it.

26:37 And so I never said, what I was going to say, wait a minute, that you wouldn't. Could you say that again?

26:48 You told me.

26:50 And I wanted to be a couple and then it was no longer, Rachel thinking about it. Were you going to say what we're going to say?

27:07 You want to know now?

27:10 I was going to tell you that I was done.

27:13 Pursuing you. Oh my gosh.

27:19 Going to make me cry. That didn't happen the other way around.

27:44 They were telling you that I really wanted somebody that I could sit with.

27:49 Be next to.

27:51 I know that's what I want to do, right?

27:56 Share time with.

28:14 I thought you were going to talk about. I thought you were going to tell me about the day that I called you up and I said, let's meet at my house. It was after the

28:28 In shortly. After when you we sat on the front porch, taking a break from the painting.

28:36 That's huge real.

28:47 So so you were okay with that?

28:53 I was okay with you, wanting to be in a relationship.

28:58 It was the dream that wasn't coming through for me that there was there.

29:04 Oh wow.

29:06 I was okay with that.

29:11 Well, as you said, we're both a little bit Garden sometimes.

29:16 And then when we did get together.

29:21 There were

29:23 A lot of a lot of people were really happy for us, right?

29:28 I'm sure a lot of people heaved, a huge sigh of relief and said 5,

29:45 I remember.

29:47 I remember that like right around what seems like it was right around that time, Nick Kinsman was doing henna tattoos.

29:57 And she had done a barbed-wire like around your upper arm. And you told me something that you told me this. I'm sure. I don't know. Maybe I can spend, but somebody said what she really wanted to do was write Rachel, Rachel Rachel, Rachel around your arm. It wasn't me. Who told you that? Cuz I didn't know that.

30:24 That's what she had suggested that she right around here. Okay, or maybe that she had wanted right around.

30:33 But she did a little barbed wire.

30:39 Time flies. Yes, it does.

30:47 So,

30:49 I'm sure that.

30:51 Some of the people that were the happiest for us for the kittens meds.

30:56 Yeah, I hope so.

30:59 What do you mean? Well, I think there were a little stoic to it'll be hard to tell ya, but I imagine that they

31:12 Maybe privately were looking gradual ettore or stabbed before us still do.

31:28 So what's something you've always wanted to do with me that you haven't?

31:32 Hello.

31:36 Miami. Go horseback riding.

31:42 I don't know. I'd have to think about that, right?

31:46 But I know you had experience with horses when you were younger. You get the other one back. And did you ride at home?

32:08 Oh, I'd like to go to Burning Man with you. I'd love to go to burn Burning Man, too. But I think burning man has become sort of an exclusive just thinking anything on my bucket list. I like to do with you while I'm certain wondering if you would be willing to go camping with me.

32:30 Meaning of primitive.

32:33 Primitive camping. World pretty primitive camping.

32:40 Very nice facilities.

32:45 There's some places. I think they're really worth visiting again at the peninsula.

32:53 I would do that with you.

32:57 You plan it? Okay. I'll be there to get you and your kids to go, but that wasn't going to happen. Why not? I'd say it was because you

33:11 For one thing as a travel issue.

33:15 Well, you know, it's hard to get kids to cooperate.

33:25 So I think doing something with seeing another, man with your kids is something that's not.

33:33 It's not something you wanted to do.

33:37 You wanted to protect them from too much involvement.

33:43 Well in it, but now we have grandkids together. And that's a beautiful thing. Wonderful to be ground. Bear with your grand grand, Raj. Yeah.

33:57 I'm so glad that. I'm so glad that you finally had kids. I don't know. That's right. You finally had kids. I'm glad you have this opportunity. I didn't have kids myself. So.

34:13 But I feel like a grandfather with them. That makes me very, very happy to, to hear that.

34:20 Cuz you are there, grandfather. You are and they love you.

34:29 And I love you, and I love you.