Rebecca Romo and James McKeever

00:01 My name is Rebecca Romo. I am 37 years old. Today is Wednesday, January 29th, 2020. We're in Santa Monica, California. And I'm interviewing today James McKeever. He's my husband.

00:16 And my name is James McKeever. I'm 55 years old. It's Wednesday, January 29th, 2024 in Santa Monica, California, and I'm interviewing my my partner my wife Rebecca Romo.

00:32 Are we just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary in December what Drew you to me? I was a conference. I was there for a talk and it might be like a mini conference at your college. But it was just you standing there and you look I don't understand you go by yourself and I just decided to walk up and talk to you but what really drew me to you was after starting to talk to you like your family background your research interests. You know, how the kind of person you were you're kind of a dry sense if you were you know, and I know you like you talked a lot about you yourself, which I find interesting cuz a lot of people talk about how you don't talk yet to me you talk a lot. So and I appreciated that we should have hearing from you.

01:31 Yeah, I remember when we first talked to one another something that Drew me to you was that you were really open and honest about your background in.

01:44 I'm where you came from and after you talk to me about that. I realize that we actually had a lot in common. Can you tell me a little bit about your background?

01:55 Sure, but you just want to add also that I found you to be like when the most intelligent people that I knew until this day after I better conversations with you then I have other people so I always appreciated that. So I can't you know that I came from a family drug addicts and alcoholics and my father was a drug dealer and my mother was an alcoholic and all my brothers and sisters and I'm going to jail or prison at least once in their life except for me and that's just basically cuz I didn't get caught cuz I didn't deal dope or anything of that but I did get a lot of fights in the little gambling operation in junior high and what kind of kept me out of trouble was just park experience at Valley Plaza Park in North Hollywood and being asked to go to the age of 13 and having a park director cut taken interest in my life and the kind of let me in a different direction and

02:55 My father is black and from Shreveport, Louisiana. And my mother is Hungarian. I came here as a refugee when she was 12 years old. And even though my mother wasn't College educator anything just had a high school diploma. She had this love of reading and that kind of also was something that I took on from her. So, how about you tell me about your background?

03:17 Well, I'm the six of seven children and my parents are from Mexico. My dad's from Halo Salon Jalisco. And my mother is from what she was born to Los Cuates, but she came over here when she was 3 years old and

03:34 So just big family and I have a lot in common with you because also come from an alcoholic family. My dad. He's started drinking when he was 13 years old from what I understand. It was the same year that he immigrated his will his family. His father was already here and then his mom came to the United States with the kids and that same year she died and

04:08 So I remember on our first conversation sort of that we had with one another that was like really deep. I think I was one of the first things that you said to me was I come from an alcoholic family and I was like, so do I and we kind of bonded in that way and

04:32 Yeah, and then because both of us do research on black and Latino communities in the US and then another things we had kids. So when I met you, I had my oldest son Emilio and you also had Derek Michael my in the league.

04:54 So I feel like that's what really Drew you and I together or grab me one of those things that also drew me a lot towards you was your background. I I found that you were incredibly strong and resilient and are you a lot of times I tell people about my background like the they say sometimes it's kind of like your low stock 250 fun sure of things. I remember like when you met my sister who can be very intimidating when you see some Chris me too, cuz you know, she gets nervous. She talks too much. And so I'm talking about her ex gang gang banger drug-dealing days and you weren't fazed by it. I mean you just kind of like took it really well and that's why you know, she really really likes you jail stories and how she kept all the women in check. So when you were young,

05:52 What did you think your life would be like as an adult?

05:56 I didn't I mean I really didn't think of it it it was very Bleak existence when I was young and

06:07 I used to do this thing. I didn't believe in God. I still don't and what happened with sometimes I would do pray to him and I would say prove me wrong and that there is a God and let me not wake up tomorrow and there's so much violence in my household too. And so I just kind of like didn't really think much about the future and it one point it was a history teacher who she she said that you're pretty smart and you're gay. I was going to history class you guys maybe you should be like a teacher a politician and and I thought what maybe I could be a teacher and the best of the yogurt all I thought about it in those about SAT scores or anything like that cuz my parents and go to school. I was going to go school. So I just really didn't think much about the future I kind of was living day-to-day and just trying to get through days. How about you?

07:01 When I was younger, I remember in elementary school. We had like a career day and there was I just remember being in an auditorium and one of the speakers that they brought to the our school asked us what we wanted to be in of course. Everyone is like raising her hand and I got called on and I remember seeing stupidest thing. I said, I wanted to be a wife and have kids. I know that it's not a stupid thing. Cuz of course that's what I am now and I'm not no that's not all of it at the time. It was like that's all I thought of like I couldn't think of anything outside of that. Like, I don't know why I can't think of being anything else when I was young and

07:53 Yeah, but of course, I became a professor in but I didn't realize I wanted to do that until I was in college until I was an undergraduate but I guess like growing up in low income communities where you don't really see people doing like a whole variety of things outside of like

08:17 You know hard labor like minimum wage jobs are jobs that just really don't seem like they're types of jobs if you want to do cuz they look like they're hard. So I didn't really know I guess what the options were.

08:32 You mentioned a teacher was that the person that had the biggest influence of your in your life.

08:40 No, it's actually a brother Jimmy probably as a biggest influence in my life. And sometimes I overemphasize what he did he did for me on but it was just he was so kind and he was just being such a good person and he really cared about me and I'll tell so my grandparents, you know, they they they were really good people who really kind to and you know, they specially Jimmy cuz it I felt like protected by him in a way even though he was scared of my dad to and everything else but just emotionally protected by him. He he do in the in our family is nice was it was such a scarcity including myself. I wasn't very nice growing up and Jimmy was just this really sweet person who always have the right thing to say to you and did little things for you did that made a difference? So I'd say him and my grandparents in particular part of my grandfather. We're like the biggest

09:40 Monsters in my life. My grandfather told me what it meant to have dignity and thanks to this day.

09:53 I always think about my dad and I guess I feel in a way similar to you feeling it the way you feel about your brother about giving them maybe giving them too much credit, but my dad he was a big influence on me because he was just different than everyone else around me. He was like, I had a really calm personality and he didn't care about what other people care about such as like owning things are like having a whole bunch of material possessions. He

10:34 He I guess he was like just lives his life or lived his life before he had a stroke because now you know, he's he's a little different now, but he just flies like really deep in his life experiences and I like just experiencing things.

10:54 Playing the guitar. He was like always a life of the party.

11:00 And I guess he even though he only has a sixth grade education. He's the one that

11:06 Really made me question everything because he didn't buy into stuff and so like

11:15 For example

11:18 We grew up poor and I remember there were days like my older brother's when they're in high school. They wouldn't want to go to school cuz I don't have anything to wear like nude where I guess and my dad would just tell him just where would you were yesterday? Like he just didn't understand.

11:38 Why we cared so much about material things, you know in

11:45 I don't know cuz I think I get like critical thinking skills from him because he questioned he was always, you know, like the questioning things or telling us like why do you care about that or you know, they made me think about things differently, I guess your mother and I came home and I was all happy cuz the teacher chose me to be the flag bearer and stuff and so I come home and I tell her I could be a fly. Brim Flagler and she goes what is that and it goes to the person who says right hand over your heart ready to begin right hand and she goes so why is that important? And I thought I question why is it important and things that start thinking differently about even taking a pledge of allegiance to a flag and stuff at that point because she was trying to tell me the so many other things were more important and I know she also your love for reading

12:45 She didn't tell me about that paper Back Shack, which was like where they have these paperback books in North Hollywood and stuff and they were pretty cheap like you can get them for like a dime or $0.15 a quarter of dollars Max and stuff and she was just tell us that that that even the weird for a two-week as many books as we wanted, you know, so we go through there and pick three or four bucks and we take them up there and saw fence and I would just start to read them and then she wanted to even though she was the one who's white in the family. She wanted me to know what it meant to be black. So she would start having me read Angela Davis and Huey Newton that people like that Malcolm X. She didn't want me reading Martin Luther King cuz she felt he was in radical enough, so that reminds me of

13:36 My sister Letty because although she didn't really influence like my political education. She would also buy these books at the second hand store. And then when she was done reading them she pass them to me, but she would read things like VC Andrews. We read that whole series so she would read the book first and then I would read it and we would talk about it, but in my house we didn't.

14:05 Except for maybe an encyclopedia we we didn't have any books. So I kind of like relied on my sister my older sister to get by butts and then she would pass them down to me and I was just constantly reading and for me it was like an escaped and that's why I think people started to think that I was they would tell me that I was really smart and then I started to believe it and it was mainly just because I love to read so much like I always I had a book.

14:37 All the time and if I ever had any spare even be in between classes when I was in high school, I wouldn't even talk to anybody out. Just be sitting there reading and

14:49 Too bad we can't do that anymore. Now that we don't have time. Hopefully I'll time to finish writing your book. Yeah, I will in the fall so

15:07 What are you proudest of?

15:12 Tough question

15:15 What you're asking?

15:20 What are you proudest of I would say what I most proudest of?

15:27 That's really easy for me. It's beat when I was a single mother and I finished my college education. I always feel like people ask

15:40 Are you proud of her with were you proud her when you got the Masters agree with a PhD in always say the bachelor's degree?

15:49 Because I just I didn't think that I would ever.

15:53 Finish the bachelor's degree, you know, I had a meal when I was 19 years old like my freshman year college and

16:04 That was hard like for me the Masters in the PC was easier.

16:08 Do you know you're growing up, you know when like the environment that we grow up until you don't really meet people that get a college degrees. I was a big deal, but I know what you're talkin like for me the AA degree was the toughest one as you know, it took me nine years to get through the AA degree cuz we don't have Mike when I was in high school and everything else is the number of jobs. I had to working it really shity jobs on top of that. It was really stressful. But I'm really proud of getting a PhD. I mean, you know, they did so few people that look in RS that end up getting phds. I guess that the thing I'm probably proudest of is my volunteer work in the park. I would say I am particularly Valley Plaza. I known as Sylmar now, but you know, I'm not really miss Valley Plaza, but when I get those kids is that I used to coach in the park actually in my college class.

17:08 I have this really proud moment and I feel really happy or I see that they've graduated college is something on Instagram or something like that and are you don't even when the student thanks, prefer you or something or when we told Martha calls me up and tells you want to be with wants me to be one of the first people who knows that he got married or something like that and it makes me feel proud that I'm part of those moments.

17:36 So

17:38 Your students that you used to coach as children when they end up in your classroom. They see you in a different way, right? Can you talk about that by Krizz 1180 when you're coaching him you don't curse at all and you have to be like this upstanding citizen. And if I'm teaching a young horse would come out racism sexism or homophobia your sexuality and all these things. So all of a sudden all these things are coming out of my mouth that they would have thought never would come out of coaches mouth and I don't talk about politics much when I'm coaching. So I don't think they really know where my politics are. So the, you know that I can get a little taken aback at first, but I've never had a negative experience from it. I've had quite a few positive experiences from that fat neighbor never a negative experience when you get out of coaching.

18:32 Just own you know when I was young I told you the park made a big difference in my life and a particular this one coach named Earl Jones. Who was there for me at my lowest moment when my Michael's mom eldest my son's mom took took him away and stuff and just took off for a few months and I was wrong to Father's day, bro. Took a bus all the way up to the McDonald's. I was working out Father's Day and pop the car down on the counter and said you don't know your son's not around but you're still a father and that like it like I want to do that for the kids. It's be there for them in a moment, you know, whether it was on the court or weather was off to court, you know and and knowing that I mean I assume you're running around with Steve some of Jack's ex-teammates and Michael Vick teammates and dragging them out of their beds to take him to school because I've coached them down there men.

19:32 Tour and stuff like that and they're friends of my sons and stuff and just have two things. I think are far more important than anything we've ever done on the field around the court now.

19:43 So let's talk about being a parent. It's rough though. I know but it's true. No one likes her and just ask anyone the question tell me something good about parenting not your kids. You can love your kids but parenting itself anthrop how has parenting changes you made me have to be extremely responsible. I was really headed down a bad path. I was like I said, very finely a very angry young man. And I remember the last time I got that violent. I was in high school and it was after I found out that was going to be a father and a guy to a ball in my face from about three feet away a basketball and I punched him to do it good to come to the ground as choking him. He passed out.

20:43 And I jumped off and I was really scared. He's our coffee and came to buy thought of it. I got a child on the way and I could have killed him, you know, and I would have been in prison for the rest of my life and if I can raise my child, so I start realizing I have to be more responsible than that, you know, and a lot of the things that I do and I think that you do to has been in in the idea of like trying to be good examples to our kids and trying to put them in positions that that we can help them to be successful and to me like that's how parenting changed my life is. It made me really think that I have to strive for more so I can help my kids drive from Moore.

21:26 How much you owe me and well when I had Emilio.

21:32 My freshman year of college at a no, you know, it's like I tell him this sometimes I was like a child having a child and

21:44 I think it also made me very responsible. I thought I was already responsible before he came along but I think it just made me more focused on my education and my goals cuz I felt like

21:59 The whole world's weight was on my shoulders. And if I had to do it was on me to make sure that our lives were better because there wasn't anyone else really that was going to do that for us. You know, I mean, of course like my family supported

22:19 You know by helping me in a watching him while I went to class and stuff like that. But you know, we don't really come from families that passed down generational wealth or you know, like have a whole bunch of resources to help you out for no, I mean sometimes you know, they don't have their own emotional support how they're going to give it to you, you know, so

22:45 What are some of your favorite things about each of your children?

22:54 Well starting with my oldest one Michael. I mean knew we had nine years to ourselves and everything else and

23:02 I guess the thing was it because his mom wasn't around very much and it was just him and I and he had a lot more to struggle through. I admire his resilience and he's become a really really good father. You know Emmys, you know, your father with special needs child who's really really good with him and I'm really proud of him for that. Derek is probably the most well-rounded of the kids as a guy. He's smart. He's good-looking. He's charismatic. He's a good athlete and I wouldn't say he's humble. But at the same time I think he is he's he's pretty self-aware, you know it and I'm really proud of him. You know, I mean the heat he's he's so strong in a lot of ways. I mean, you know, and and even like it's a tie

24:02 By the time when we know he came out and stuff and he he he do it when he came out to us, you know and stuff first. He just like seem to be out to the world after that and doesn't care, you know and so on in and I am I just going to only imagine how difficult that is at times and for him is not it just seems seamless because he really has a strong view of himself and then Maya is just so smart and so generous Leo and and so together we say that the least athletic in the most accomplished athlete in the family because she just so dedicated.

24:45 And then with Malik Malik when he was younger was like a kid who cared was the first one to care about me. So it always remember this this I was tell you the story about when Malik was one day throwing up and I was holding his shoulders back in at a bucket down there and leaks it to me was like 9 and he goes I'm so sorry you got to do this for me right now and none of my kids ever thought about it that way before so and then there there's your miles who is like funny and nice and loving and really gets into things latches onto them and stuff and is also extremely of diplomatic when it comes to things and and very strong to I mean, I I hope he gets the best out of how about you

25:37 Well, one of the things that our favorite things that I have about a milli. Oh

25:46 Is that he when he was young he had a lot of energy and his personality. My personality did not match in that way because I think that I'm kind of like a mellow person and he was really high energy, but I realized channeling it into like athletic things really work for him. And I'm sorry, I guess one of my favorite things about him is

26:16 That watching him being athlete, you know, and I was never like that kind of parent that I'm going to put my kid in the sport and he's going to be the best and I'm going to push him, you know, I was it was really like his interest and then I really ended up enjoying watching him being athlete and then somehow he's always able to navigate.

26:40 In all these different like social situations, you know, and I think he's really good at that and I think that'll do him well in life, you know, he can be around like

26:53 Friends his soccer friends from Sylmar who have like a totally different experience and then he can be around like these upper-class kids on your soccer team, you know that like parents have their own private jets. You know what I mean? Like he can

27:10 So, ya feel comfortable. I guess it's a skill and and then with Miles, I mean, he's only 7 so I think

27:21 I'm soooo were still learning about who he is, but I do like that he

27:28 Can entertain himself he likes to be alone and I think

27:32 That's to me it's different. Like I grew up in a family word like being alone was not an option, you know, and I like that sometimes he says I want to be alone and he actually likes to be with himself of being such a young age. I think that's

27:48 That's really cool. You're also you know, I've also enjoyed watching a movie or play and everything else and that's safe for me. Like the thing. I like most about Emilio would probably be like he gets intensely loyal, you know, if it's a people and stuff, you know, and he and I think that's a good that's a good trait sometimes, you know, you got to drag him off that person but it is a good trait. What are some of your hopes that you have for the future for our children?

28:31 Well, I just want them all to be happy and whatever that means to them. I made the mistake of telling my oldest son Michael ones that we need. So they want to be an artist. He wasn't a hard worker as a kid and I told him I said you have to require a lot of hard work and you only as good as your last piece and this and that and the other thing is hard to make money and I wish I would have told him that but ended but if that's really what you want to do is going to make you happy and you're okay with that then please do it, you know, and I tried to not do that with the other kids of

29:04 Discouraging them from doing what they really want to do. I just want him to be successful happy strong supportive of each other good to their communities and I could still get the other people as well, you know, and you know, you know that the way I'm with the boys I want them to be good partner is to whoever they're within that they help cook and they help clean and they'll take care of their kids if they decide have kids and do those type of things to because I'm I just don't want to get complaints from their Partners if I know who you never told your son to do this I said, oh yes, I did. He just chooses not to and cuz I think that's important so they can have happy relationship. I agree with what you said. I think that it for me it's important for them to be happy. Whatever that means to them happiness is not

29:58 You know having material things I think having stability, which is something we talked about before like yes, it's important to have like a stable shelter in to have food security and stuff like that but to not constantly Chase and not be satisfied. Once you have stability, you know, and I think that's a lot of times like what people become unhappy about is

30:28 Once they they have something they want more and more and more and more in. When is it ever going to end? Right? And so sometimes when I find myself feeling like I want more I start to look at the things that I have and start to how can I improve what I already have? So that's why I've liked in the backyard, you know, it's planting some flowers are like making a tiny little Garden or something like that and that kind of helps me to not worry about it was because we live in a society where we're constantly being told that we you know, we need to have more or not happy unless we have it. So I think if the kids I think developing like that kind of mindset will

31:12 Will go with you know, we'll be good for them America. That's one of the things I also really liked about you as read some reviews of things like that because you know, like I've always said when I was young said, okay, I set the idea in my head of what I wanted and I wanted a house in a working-class neighborhood of color. I wanted like a dependable car and their Billy Bill take vacation sometimes and that's it. Right and pretty much achieve that and let the vacation what we take a few we can take more than anything but I think the thing is that sometimes people like on YouTube better car and you did and I hope the kids don't do that because I think when people start becoming miserable after. Of time cuz they're constantly chasing something they don't have in it. I can't learn to be happy with what they do have, you know, and I'm hoping that they can learn to do that so that even if they are making extra money it's money. They can set aside in case bad times happen or that they can help the community out west if they don't know what to do with it.

32:12 Understable like you said

32:16 So we're both Community College professors.

32:20 What is something that makes you feel hopeful about teaching and then what's something that you find challenging about it?

32:30 Oh, what makes me feel hopeful is working with working class students in particular students of color that are struggling to find their way in life and they keep coming back here when they keep trying and they come to office hours and I get to see them in and graduation and you know, and it's a second. It's amazing to be part of that cuz I know how hard it was for me and if they make me hopeful for the future, you know, and I've always the second part of that. What's a challenging part?

33:06 The challenging part honestly, probably degree.

33:12 No one likes. I haven't met one teacher Professor that likes to create and then just browsing time because you know that I do spend a lot on my students in like the student groups and stuff like that and and then I'll have to Union work and all that stuff too and and learning to balance that time and the reserve some time for me for us for family becomes very very difficult at times and I get like an overworked two times.

33:40 Yeah, I feel inspired by the same things, you know coming to class and seem like some of my students have.

33:50 Two jobs or they work at night and then they sleep in the in their car in the parking lot to go to like a 9:30 a.m. Class and some of them have kids and it's really inspiring to just be around them. And then that's also the for me that's also the challenging part 2 is like we I think you and I are the type of people that absorb a lot of how people feel and we're really open. So then a lot of students come to us and then we kind of like have to help them process all their trauma.

34:28 And then come home at the end of day. We're so drained. We don't even talk to each other just watch TV, but I love my job, and I know you love your job, too.

34:42 Yeah, that's a challenge you for I know everyone thinks I talked more than you but I always surprised with anyone home Rebecca probably talks more but it's also because we're both tired and things and yeah, they might be like you when you grab onto something if I call a research everything about it all the research on everything.

35:07 This is my last question, which is not an easy one. But if this was our last conversation, is there anything that you would want to say to me you go first. So I guess I would just say thank you. I know when you and I met you said because of our age difference which by the way when I first met you I had no idea. We were 18 years apart.

35:38 You told me that.

35:41 Something to the effect that if you gave me 20 years of life like 20 good years of life than it would be worth being it would be worth it rather than being in a bunch of relationships that were bad and we've been married now eight years and I think that although we've had some challenges of course like everyone does

36:04 You know these have been some really good years and

36:08 You are right. You know I you did give me good years up to this point and I would just say thank you for letting me experience love that. I never thought that I could have.

36:23 I didn't know it was possible.

36:26 I would I would say to you that.

36:32 As Derek said the other day that when he met you he said that you were the person that was most liked me that I've ever met that he's ever met and is one of the things that kind of Drew me to you and I I know when you we first started going out you were saying how I'm you wanted you were just broken up with somebody and you want to be alone for a year. And if you remember like it's in August I told you tell me what you think in January and actually we were together in December at that point and decided be together and I knew we would be I mean because I knew that we had so much in common and we care too much about each other and that we would go through rough times and good times but is that weed that we have like that? They still good time to keep us together, but I think the biggest thing is you really are the person the first person I want to talk to you in the morning and the last person will talk to you every night and even when I went out last night with Brian and them so if they hear this, I don't care. Okay. Well I had a good time.

37:32 I can only deal with other people outside of you for a Max of two hours. And then I was thinking that Rebecca has more interesting things to say. So in the NFL thing, it's it's really nice having someone that you're so in tune with it. You can talk about things and no we don't fully agree on everything but we fully think about the things that the other person says and that's that's really nice. And I love quoting you in class and then life been stuff and giving you credit for things even though sometimes you said it wasn't necessarily use it originally said it I feel give you full credit as if you did because it was really

38:14 Well, thank you. You know, I also think you're just as brilliant. So thank you for coming in with me today and doing this interview. Thank you.