Recording – 03-16-2024 20:15:41

00:02 I'm Kennedy, and I'm here with my mom, and I'm going to ask her a bunch of questions about her life. So the first question I have is, who has been the most important person in your life and why?

00:16 Whoa. There's lots of people, so certainly my sister. I have a twin sister. We've done a lot together in our lives. And then there's my mum and my dad, for sure. There's been lots of other influential people, but they're probably the biggest.

00:40 Yeah. Hmm. Okay. What is one of your earliest memories that you have of your childhood or anything like an event that happened the earliest he can remember?

01:01 Oh, some random things. Yeah. I mean, this is really random. But I remember when I think I was about three, my mum going out and leaving us and me being really upset because we're with our mum all the time and her closing the door. Of course, you know, there was. I think at that stage there was maybe I had an older brother, a twin sister. I don't know if my younger brother was alive by then. No, he might have just been born. And the other. The youngest wasn't born, but. So, yeah, just being traumatized by being left alone. I mean, I think our dad was there. We weren't left alone. That's one of them.

01:46 That's funny. What are you most proud of?

01:55 You.

01:56 Okay. What are you most proud of in your life? Besides me? Like, having to do with you?

02:02 Yeah.

02:03 Like, what's. What. What do you feel accomplished? You've accomplished like that you're extremely proud of?

02:09 I, you know, being a university professor. When I went to university, I went. I did a Bachelor of education in teaching and I taught at high school for four years. I was a physical education teacher and a geography or social studies teacher. And I like to teach, but I didn't want to be doing particularly the PE part when it's really hot in Australia and you get a lot of sunburn. I didn't want to be doing that for the next 50 years, so I just thought. So I went back to university after travelling for a bit, you know, overseas. A lot of Australians go and travel, particularly after university for a year, and I think going back to university and becoming professor and doing really well in America and now being known internationally. And so I think that's, you know, a lot of hard work and just. Because sometimes you just never think you're smart enough. But I've learned that you only have.

03:28 To be smart enough.

03:30 Yeah. I think success is not being the smartest person in the room, but smart Enough like, you know, the 80% rule and then being socially aware on making the right moves and a lot of hard work and it's the combination you get. I've seen a lot of really people smarter than me just never really thrive because they get in their own way and they. They're perfectionists. And it's almost like they're too smart, intellectually smart, but they may not be socially smart. So it's a combination. So I've been able to figure that out and been able to do really well, at least here in America and Australia. Yeah.

04:23 When in your life have you felt the most alone?

04:30 Hmm. I think it was when I first left home. So when we're in Australia, When Australia, when you're at university, kids don't go off to university. They go to university in their hometown because typically. Yeah. You know, and so all five of us kids stayed at home and would commute to university in town, in Sydney.

04:59 Yeah. You just lived at home.

05:00 Yeah, that was, that was what you did. That was just very normal. Yeah. So I was at the University of Sydney and I was there for four years and my sister was at the University of New South Wales. And then I went and took my first teaching job in Queensland, which was about a 12 hour drive. And it was when. It was the first time I ever not shared a bedroom because I always had a twin sister I shared a bedroom with and I was taking new town, new job, didn't know a soul that was really lonely. And I remember when my dad dropped me, he actually cried.

05:47 Oh, yeah.

05:49 It's really interesting. So never seen him cry before. So. Yeah, probably then. Because all your social support system had, wasn't there. So. Yeah, probably then.

06:03 Let's see if you could hold on to one memory from your life forever, what would that be?

06:13 Oh.

06:17 H. There's a lot of memories.

06:20 Yeah, there are, I think when you were born.

06:27 No.

06:29 Meeting dad for the first time.

06:32 Who. Tell me about that. Say that.

06:35 Tell that story. Okay, so we're in Utah and I belong to a church and he belonged to another church and we, I mean, we were in Colorado. We both lived in Colorado, in Boulder, Colorado. I didn't know him, but there's a whole bunch of people from two different churches coming together and we're all going mountain biking. And I was a big biker. He was a big mountain biker. Anyway, I knew most of the people on the trip and I was actually interested in another guy. I traveled with him.

07:06 I want to see dad mountain bike.

07:09 He's really good at mountain biking.

07:11 I just like can't see it.

07:12 No, he's really good at that. And snowboarding.

07:14 I know, I just can't see that. Like. I know.

07:17 But anyways, and then we had this sort of meeting because there was about, I don't know, there's about 20 of us. There's a girls room and a boys room. And then a couple people were married. So it was people in their 20s and 30s. Yeah, some were single, some weren't. People mountain biking in Moab, Utah.

07:37 Right.

07:38 And it was probably a six, seven hour drive from where we lived in Colorado. Beautiful area, just crazy desert. Anyway, I remember seeing him, I thought he had huge muscles. He did. He was very good looking. And I just thought, who is that?

07:59 Oh God. Oh God.

08:05 So anyway, probably then.

08:11 Okay, continue with the story.

08:14 Well, I mean, we had a team meeting and I think he introduced himself to me because I came into the room. I was pretty loud, almost obnoxious, I suppose. And I saw all these friends that I hadn't seen for a while. I said, girlies, hello. I came into the room and he was sitting in the corner waiting for everyone. You know, we're having this big team meeting. He's like, see, who is this? This is a strange Australian accent. I hadn't been in the country that long, so I think my accent was a bit stronger. Anyway, and. And then at the end of the meeting he came up and he said, do you want to go to breakfast in the morning? And because it was really hot then. This was at the end of May and this is Utah. Okay. In the middle of the desert. He. We had to meet like at 5:00 or 5:30 to get breakfast, something absurd like that before. Because we're going to start cycling on this big track about seven. I said, sure, sure, sure. And I'd had a really, really difficult week at University of Colorado. Just some personnel issues and I was really tired. Anyway, I was sharing a bed with one of the other girls. You know, all these double beds and that. And I just slept through, so I didn't show.

09:40 That's so sad.

09:42 But you know what? We're gonna go to Denny's. Denny's? That's vile. Well, that's all there was, so I didn't show.

09:53 God, poor Dad

09:55 Really bad. Oh gosh, I don't even know this guy. Anyway, and then I found out his last name was Rainwater. And I thought, that's a really weird name, Rainwater.

10:08 She said to marry him and let me have it.

10:12 I'm keeping my name. Hey, but I could keep my name because I had a lot of publications already. Okay.

10:22 Hey, I get compliments on it now.

10:25 I know it's actually really trendy, but I just. I just thought, you know what? I'm too old. I'm gonna. She's too old.

10:33 Oh, poor Jeff. Stand up.

10:36 Well, I didn't meet dad till we're both in our late 30s. Yeah. But still, I always thought, oh, I'd rather be single than wishing I were.

10:46 Yeah, it's true.

10:49 Anyway.

10:49 Okay, let's see. Let's go into raising children. When did you first find out that you'd be a parent and how did you feel?

11:07 Um, we'd had a bunch of miscarriages, to be honest. And that. That's because I was older, you know? Yeah. And I had a twin sister, and she would get. She got pregnant really easy every time.

11:21 Yeah.

11:22 And then later, when she was in her late 30s, just before I met Jeff or Dad, she. She had a miscarriage. So she said to me, sandra, I think you're going to be able to get pregnant really easy, but you may miscarry. So, you know, don't wait too long. So. So when I first got pregnant, she. This is funny. The first time I was pregnant, I didn't know it. I thought I had diabetes. Do you know why? Because I knew too much. People with diabetes start to pee a lot. They urinate a lot. But that's what happens when you're pregnant.

12:07 What about pregnant? You just didn't think there'd be a.

12:10 I didn't actually know that. I didn't know that that was a thing. Yeah. And so we were in Australia in the Northern Territory, in the outback with Aunty Deb, my sister. And I just remember. And I just. It was really hot. And I was just thinking, and I was really tired, and I was thinking, oh, my gosh, this is all the signs of diabetes. Oh, my gosh. What is wrong with me? How can I have diabetes Anyway? But I was pregnant, but then I miscarried. So when you came along, trying to think. When I knew I was pregnant. Yeah, that's right. And. Yeah, that's right. And your grandparents, Nanak and Pa, were out. And I remember I was about 16 weeks pregnant. And you know what? You stuck around. I just thought, okay, maybe this is a goer, this one.

13:10 Hooray. What was I like as a baby or a young child?

13:20 You're very active. You were. And I always thought, you know, I want an active kid. And that's exactly what I got. Yeah. Yeah. You're never still. So we put you in gymnastics when you were, like, two, because I thought you were crawling the walls. Okay. And then you did that. Well. And then they. You know, we put you in a lot of sport because I said, I'm in charge of sport. And dad was in charge of music because he was a musician. That took the last one.

13:57 The musical career took off.

13:59 You play guitar?

14:00 I think not.

14:01 So. I think I did. I did well in that.

14:05 Yeah.

14:07 But. Yeah, you were always. You're a happy kid. You're either happy or crying. I remember. Yeah. There were lots of timeouts in Targets. And you would.

14:19 You'd get, hey, I heard a kid screaming at his mom today. Don't leave Target. It was terrible. When I was with Jane.

14:26 Yeah, you had your nose to the wall a couple of times in Target. No.

14:30 What do you mean?

14:32 Well, the way we. When you be disrespectful, we'd say, you put your nose to the wall. Public shame. Shameful. We did. I remember us doing it outside Target No, Starbucks. Starbucks. One day in Tulsa. But you were so, like, fired up. It's just like, oh, we're gonna deal with this right now. Yeah, you're a piece of work sometimes. But then you're so lovely and then. And very energetic. Yeah, you'd laugh a lot. So we put you in gymnastics and soccer and. What else? Oh, ballet.

15:13 Ballet. That was.

15:15 Yeah, Ballet, soccer. And then you. And then it was like swimming. And the reason we started swimming is because Dad's brothers, kids, they said, oh, the parents are pretty good there. They're not, like, crazy parents. And I said, every Australian has to learn to swim. Swim. Because that's.

15:40 It's just crucial.

15:41 Yeah, it's crucial. In Australia, you have to learn to swim before you're 12. In elementary school, they put you in lessons until you learn to swim. So I was like, okay, we're gonna learn to swim. That's just a must. But then we thought, oh. And then dad looked at, you know, getting you into a club just to. I don't know. And then you won this race, the first race you ever did. There's an intramural race at Tulsa and you won it like it was crazy. It was 25 yards. And then you popped out of the pool. And the girl that you know. Do you remember Olivia?

16:15 Yes.

16:16 Yeah. Who was the star, and you beat her, and she came out crying. I remember that.

16:22 I thought, oh, didn't I give her my ribbon?

16:25 I don't know. I can't remember.

16:27 I. There was One instance I remember that I beat somebody, but I think they were really upset at Tulsa

16:33 Yeah. It's probably her.

16:34 And I gave them my heat Winner ribbon. Because they were upset.

16:38 Yeah.

16:39 Doesn't such a kind soul.

16:41 Yeah.

16:43 Anyways, what are your dreams for me? Your dreams.

16:52 All that you thrive. That you reach your potential. That you don't. You aren't limited by. Oh, I can't do that. I mean that those doubts will always be there. Yeah, but you know that you take a bit of risk, but not too much risk. That you fall into a relationship with someone who helps you be a better person.

17:29 A cute boy.

17:30 Huh?

17:31 A cute boy.

17:32 Cute boy. So. But their personality is that they want to see you thrive.

17:41 Yeah. Oh. What's your best memory of your childhood?

18:02 I think playing with my brothers and sisters in our front and backyard. Finding our first little kittens in someone who dumped them in our yard. One of them. And it was we named as a black cat named Fluffy.

18:25 That's a fantastic man. Yeah.

18:27 She was gorgeous. She used to dribble. She was a lovely cat. Just lovely.

18:32 What do you mean? Verbal.

18:34 She did it all from her mouth. She's so funny. I don't know why. She was just a gorgeous cat. Sort of like absolutely is, but all black. And really a bit more affectionate, you know? Yeah. Affectionate or not as afraid. She wasn't as afraid. There were five of us kids.

18:50 Yeah.

18:52 How could you be afraid?

18:54 What's your worst memory of your childhood?

18:57 Worst? Oh, I don't know. Dad getting angry when my sister would take the groceries in. I remember she took the groceries in. We were less than about six or five.

19:17 Yeah.

19:18 We'd help take the groceries in and Deb dropped all the eggs and dad got really angry. That was sad. And then having to eat our vegetables. Oh, it's just awful.

19:38 Your vegetables? What? They're not like Dad's steamed broccoli with lemon and salt.

19:45 They were much worse. Peas. I remember. I think it was one Easter dinner and we'll. All the kids were all eating at a table. I think there must have been adults at another table or something. And none of us liked the peasant, so we put them in our water. I was just bizarre. Why would we do that? I don't know. Just weird. And we had to drink it.

20:12 What?

20:12 Just awful. Anyway.

20:15 What?

20:16 I know. It's just bizarre. Okay.

20:24 Who are your best friends when you were a kid?

20:31 Kathy Murphy, Susan Mitchell. And then when we went to high school, Christine Northam, who we still keep in contact. And I'm On Facebook with some of these people. Jan Billingham. Yeah. Yeah, we keep in touch.

20:46 Do you have any favorite stories from your childhood?

20:53 There's lots. We built a. At the back of our yard, we built a cubby house. Like, you know, hammer into a tree, had to climb up the tree. I know. There's so many.

21:26 Let's see. Let's see.

21:29 How long does this gotta be? 30 minutes.

21:30 30 minutes. Jennifer, questions?

21:36 I mean, one of the things we do in our childhood is that we play with the people next door while the kids next door, they're the same age as usual, and there's three girls. And the dad, Mick Foster, would take us down to the national park, you know, like the state forest type thing. And we'd. It was on the sea as well, or the big bay.

22:01 Yeah.

22:01 And we would just play all day in the water and get terribly sunburned. Have picnics down there. That was fantastic. Go to the beach a lot. It's very hot. That was fun.

22:23 How would you describe yourself as a child?

22:28 Pretty happy. Someone said to me, they. Them. One of the mums of Christine's mum would say, she told us later in life, she said, I always liked Christine playing with you and your sister, you know, Deb, because you would always laugh. There'd be lots of laughing. And that made her really happy that her kid was laughing and being really happy. So she really liked us being round. So, yeah, we were pretty happy kids. I mean, you know, we had ups and downs, but, yeah, overall, I think we saw the positive in things.

23:13 What were the hardest moments you had when I was growing up?

23:18 Oh, I think dad and I not being on the same page on discipline. Fancy that.

23:30 Like, how so?

23:33 Well, I mean, you know. You know, you would be. You get really angry because you were just like. And I was a bit more like.

23:43 No, let her go.

23:44 Just, she can pay the consequences. You know, I was a bit more. Hands off.

23:49 Yeah.

23:50 He was a bit more controlling.

23:55 Surprising. Yeah.

23:56 So that led to many discussions. Even, like, yesterday, you know, him getting upset about your potential injury. And so when you came in, I said, how's your arm? Because I thought you had a huge rotator cuff injury and you couldn't move. No, that wasn't the case at all. But he'd imagined all this stuff. He even said to me, I don't think. Do you think Kennedy should not go and just stay at school? I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

24:29 To nationals?

24:30 Yeah. And I was just like, let's see what the deal is. I mean, I know I said, even if Kennedy is injured and she can't swim, she's going to nationals, period. It's happening. So just, you know, we just.

24:47 And then I came home and I was like, oh, it's.

24:49 Yeah.

24:49 Hurts a little bit. It's the same thing we've seen before.

24:52 And he had in his. He'd worked up in his mind that it was a big.

24:57 Dislocated my shoulders.

24:59 He was researching. So just those differences in outlook on how to handle situations with you, that's all.

25:08 Oh, dad, let's talk about school. Did you enjoy school?

25:18 For the most part, because the people. And I did like succeeding in school. I think I found it just. The days were really long and slow. I remember when I was nine, sort of thinking, oh, this is so long. And then it sort of speeds up. But that happens with your kids. Like, there's some saying where there's the days along. The nights are extremely long and the years go fast.

25:54 Yeah. What kind of student were you?

26:00 I was pretty good student. Yeah. I did well at school, but I had to try hard.

26:07 Yeah.

26:08 It was like some of those kids who were, like, in special schools because they were gifted. I wasn't that, but I worked hard, so. Would always do well.

26:17 Yeah.

26:18 And. But it's because I worked hard. I was smart enough, you know.

26:25 Yeah.

26:26 It's like how to apply yourself.

26:28 Yeah. You just need to apply yourself.

26:31 I was much better at mathematics than I was at English, but now I've got, you know, you put a formula to English, you just got to follow the rules. It's all good. So it's like, you know, I do a lot of scientific writing now, and I get complimented for my writing, and that just bamboozles me. It's like that was never the case. I had to. I still have to work at it, like, put a lot of work into it, but if I follow the formula, it's much easier.

27:03 Interesting.

27:04 Create a structure.

27:05 You know, it's Tricky What lessons have you learned from your relationships?

27:20 Don't always think you're right because there's always another perspective. Listen more than talk. I find that hard. I've got. I've got a lot of mental listening, that's for sure.

27:33 Yeah.

27:36 Yeah. There's always another perspective that ones that you don't even know exist.

27:41 Right.

27:43 That's why it's good to have diversity, you know, around the table. Because you don't know what you don't know, that it's better to talk problems out, not to ignore them. Don't let them Fester. I remember when a friend of mine, she. We'd been to school together, to university. She did education as well. I think she did primary or elementary school. She didn't live that far. Rhonda Wilson was her name.

28:15 She.

28:15 She got married when she was. Oh. At the end of university. It was. It was so young. Anyway, she got married to a guy that had been a year below us at high school, and then he was killed in a car crash. They'd only been married for 18 months.

28:35 Oh.

28:36 And it was just like, oh, my gosh, what do you do? So I just went around to a place, and she said, thank you for coming. Everyone's staying away because I don't know what to do. And I thought, okay, you know, you don't have to solve all the problems, but just being there is really helpful. You just sit there and that often people just want to be heard. They don't want their problems solved, that they just need a sounding board. So you don't have to solve their problems. You just have to listen.

29:09 Yeah. What was your first serious relationship?

29:29 Probably when I was in university. Yeah. Well, there was one guy really wanted to get married, and I just not. I felt suffocated.

29:48 I felt that.

29:51 Do you know what his name was?

29:52 No.

29:53 Richard Brody.

29:54 Oh, God. Stay away from.

29:59 He really. I just felt suffocated. I was too immature.

30:02 Yeah.

30:03 To be honest.

30:05 Yeah. That makes sense.

30:06 Yeah.

30:09 What else? Let's see. Let's see.

30:14 Last question.

30:15 Yeah, I'll do one more question. This was our very last conversation. Is there anything you'd want to say to me?

30:35 Enjoy.

30:38 What? That's terrible.

30:41 Oh, what was the question again?

30:45 Say it again.

30:45 If we had a last conversation.

30:47 If this was our very last conversation.

30:49 Oh, sorry, I misunderstood.

30:50 What do you want to say to me right now? That was like, your last words. Enjoy.

30:57 Oh, that's true. Yeah, that's true. I love you. Always have. Always.

31:03 So cute. Oh, wait, one more. Do you have any regrets?

31:15 Oh, not that immediately comes to mind.

31:35 Yeah.

31:36 Maybe you're not staying home enough for you.

31:38 What do you mean?

31:39 Well, you know, I mean, even with that conversation that you had today, you know, a house.

31:45 Oh, okay.

31:48 I haven't got time. Then it's sort of like, okay, well, something's got to give.

31:54 Yeah.

31:56 Just can't do it all.

31:57 No, you can't. No one can. I don't know. Yeah, okay. Thank you.

32:06 Thanks.

32:07 $.