Remembering Family

00:02 Good evening. My name is Brian McDonough, I am 26 years old. Today is December 30th, 2023. I'm speaking with my dad, Joe McDonough, and we're recording in Martinsburg, West Virginia.

00:26 My name is Joseph Michael McDonough, I am 63 years old. Today is December 30, 2023. I'm speaking with our son, Brian McDonough, and we're recording in our house at 415 Richwood Hall Road in Kearneysville, West Virginia.

00:56 So to begin this interview. Dad, can you tell me about one of your happiest memories?

01:06 Yes, I can tell you. I remember pitching. I was a pitcher for the Mount Troy Eagles baseball team. It was a 13 year old team. A number of my friends played for the team. We were playing against Middle Road in a night game, I think it was a Thursday night, and we were playing at Reserve Elementary School baseball field. I was the pitcher and we were running up against a regulation that required the lights on the field to be turned off at a certain time. We were winning the game and I had to try to get the other team out in two successive innings as quickly as possible so that we could win the game and then the lights could be turned off. So I struck out, I think five of the batters that I faced and we won the game. But what was one of the happiest memories from that time was that Benno Miller and Ronnie Erb ran over and they picked me up on their shoulders and the whole team carried me off of the field. And I thought that was just so fun, so happy. And I was very glad that I don't know if my mom was there, but my dad was there to see it. That's. That's one of the happiest memories that comes to mind.

02:47 Thank you for sharing that answer to our first question. The next question for you. Dad, can you tell me about someone who has had a big influence on your life? What lessons did that person teach you?

03:07 There are so many people that have had strong influences on my life, but probably number one is my mom. She taught me the value of listening. She was an excellent listener. I often thought she would be like you, a good journalist. She would ask very good questions of people and then she would just let them talk. I thought she was always really good. When we would be at the bus stop, waiting for the bus people. I don't know why it was. People must have just felt comfortable around her. They would come up and introduce themselves and just start talking and she would listen to Them. But I admired her for that quality. I admired her for her religious faith. She had a deep faith, a deep Catholic faith, a very devout churchgoer would say her prayers every day. She took my sister Lisa and my brother John and I into our bedrooms every night up until must have been late elementary school to say our prayers on our knees. Another reason why she is so inspiring to me is that she lost her dad when she was 2 years old. So she never knew her dad and she never complained about that. She never felt sorry for herself. She just kept living her life. She just kept plugging along. Then she lost her brother when she was seven years old. Again, she would talk about when he died. And her uncle came to get her when she was in elementary school and pulled her out of class and took her home, and they had him. For whatever reason, he wasn't laid out at a funeral home. He was laid out in their living room. But again, she just kept going forward, kept plugging along. She grew up in the Great Depression, so my grandmother didn't have a very steady income stream. Her husband had died, her son had died. She had to put my uncle into an orphanage. But again, my mom grew up through all of that. And then I saw her deal with a difficult disease. She had neurofibromatosis, which produced these bumps all along her body. I never noticed that until I was in late elementary school. And then you started to notice it. Apparently for females after their pregnant, that's when this can become prevalent. But again, she never really complained about it. I remember one time my sister Lisa said one of her friends was making fun of my mom's condition. But that's the only time I ever remember anyone bringing that up. But she was just a very resilient person. But she was always outgoing, she worked hard, she volunteered at the church. She instilled in me the value of helping other people and being a good neighbor. So she would be definitely at the top of my list for people who influenced and inspired me.

06:55 So, dad, what are some of the most important lessons you've learned in life to this point.

07:04 Based off of what we just talked about? My mom. And actually, as I mentioned to you today, listening to Len Komorowski's podcast, the ability to persevere because life throws a lot of curveballs at you. And I think the. The lesson that I've learned is that you just got to keep marching. Sometimes the way forward isn't clear, but keep moving. Maybe you're not running, but you're walking and you're making Progress, you keep going forward. Another lesson that I've learned is that God is real, and sometimes I don't like him. I don't like some of the events or actions that have taken place in the world, and we've had some very spirited discussions at times. But he's real, and I think he merits my and everyone's devotion, but also time to try to understand him and get to know him and also to know his son Jesus, and to try to understand the Holy Spirit and the workings of the Holy Spirit. Another lesson that I've learned is to be curious. This is an amazing world. There is just so much to learn, so much to appreciate. And when Jesus talks in the Gospel about the kingdom of God is open to people who approach it like children. I think that's kind of what he was getting at, is to appreciate all that is in this world. So much to learn, so much to admire. Every person is a world unto themselves. So I think coming at the world with curiosity and appreciation and anything that's done well. I think there probably are exceptions to this. But something else that I've learned is that if you want to do something well, if you want to leave a mark wherever you're at, I think you need enthusiasm. And sometimes it's difficult to generate that. But I think enthusiasm is such a vital component of a successful venture, of something done well. So those would be. Oh, and then I think another part would be forgiveness, to be able to forgive people, because I know that I have my failings, and I know there are days when you just can't bring your best game forward. So I've learned to see that in other people. So I think forgiveness is a lesson that I've learned, too, so that I don't let offenses and problems with other people fester for long periods.

10:35 Can you tell me the story of how you met Mom? Do you remember when you realized you wanted to be together for good?

10:47 Wow, that's a great question. Yes, I met your mom in July of 1990. It was at the baptismal party for your cousin Caitlin. Aunt Sharon and I had been classmates in law school, and after law school graduation, we kept in touch. And she had invited me to the party for the baptism. And I remember that was a very busy day. I had to. I was in a wedding the day before the baptism, and the party were on a Sunday. I was in a wedding that Saturday. And then the wedding party was invited to a morning breakfast. So I went to the breakfast, and then I went to the party at Granny and Pappy's that's where they had the baptismal party. And then I had to go to a political fundraiser at Riverview park after the baptismal party. But what I always think is really interesting is that I was having trouble. This was before geolocation and gps. So I was having trouble finding Granny and Pappy's house. And I was actually just about ready to give up on getting there. But the last try that I made, following the directions that had been drawn for me, I finally got to their house. And I often think was that God intervening to get me to the house. But then I was introduced to your mom. I remember she was sitting in the corner in one of the wing back chairs that Granny and Pappy had there. She was sitting down and I shook hands with her. And I thought at the time that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever met in my life. And I thought, wow. But then I thought, she lives in Boston. There's no way that we'll be able to catch up. And I stayed for a while and I remember leaving and saying goodbye to her, but I thought at that time that she was just a fantastic person. But then as events came moving forward, she came back to Pittsburgh. But I remember when I made my vow that I would love her and care for her forever was at a dinner we had at a restaurant called McSorley's on Babcock Boulevard in Pittsburgh. And she was sharing a lot of different information with me at that time. And I said to myself that I would stay with her the rest of my life. So I always consider that the time when I actually married her spiritually, I was all in right at that time. Although I didn't express it to her at that time, but that was in my mind.

14:46 Dad, how has being a parent changed you? What were or are you most surprised by?

14:54 Ah, excellent question. Is it's changed me in that I am more patient, I think, because I tried to be as patient as I could be with each of our children. I also recognized at the outset I've. Growing up, I saw people kind of dictate to their children and in some cases overlook them or look down on them. And I, when I, when we had our children, I thought they're human beings and they deserve as much respect as the president of IBM. So I remember when I would maybe bump into you guys in the kitchen, I would say, excuse me. Or if I dropped something and it splashed on you, I would apologize because I felt that each of you deserved as much respect as anyone else, even though your children Some people don't feel that way. So I think it made me appreciate the inherent value of all people even more by having children. I think that I took more pleasure in life because I loved playing with each of you guys. I thought you made me like that song in Elf, that you made me feel young. You all did. It was just a great time for me to not rediscover my own childhood, but to value the enthusiasm and the energy that came from children. And you all connected me with other children, and I gain an appreciation of how they were being brought up, the different opinions and dislikes and likes that they brought to their lives. I gained a greater appreciation for innocence. And I think the one amazing part of being a parent was seeing each of you develop your own personality. That was just so miraculous to me because when I didn't try to imagine what each of you would be like when you were born or as you grew up. So I kind of came at fatherhood with a blank slate and just tried to look at each of you develop on your own. And it's just a miracle. And I felt like this was a privilege that God had given me to see Devin and you and Meg develop into full, capable human beings. And then the. The other part, I don't know if it taught me, but it. It enriched my spiritual life too, because I thought I was seeing the hand of God at work in the world through the development of each of you.

18:52 Dad, are there any traditions that have been passed down in your family, and can you tell me about them?

19:03 Traditions of. At Easter time, we would go to Stations of the Cross. So that was something that's been handed down to me. We would, at Easter time go to Good Friday services, Holy Thursday services, and Easter Sunday, we would be at my grandmother's. So observing those Easter holidays. Christmas would be observed both on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Any other traditions that have been handed down, Those are the main ones that come to mind. Celebrating all of the holidays. My parents enjoyed all of those holidays. Halloween, they enjoyed. Thanksgiving was a big, big day for all of us. I don't know that there was anything outside of that. My. Oh, one. I guess the one tradition was my dad and I would always watch the All Star Major League Baseball All Star game together. And that was always fun. And I remember the first year that I didn't watch it with him. And I remember it was really kind of painful because my friends Ed Basek and Joe K. Invited me to watch it at their house. And it just seemed. It just didn't seem right. So that was a tradition. Another tradition that Uncle John reminded me of, my brother John reminded me of recently, was every year, right before Thanksgiving, I think it was the week before Thanksgiving, Pitt would play Penn State in football, and he and my dad would gather to watch that. And we really enjoyed watching those games together until they separated the two teams, and they hadn't played for a long time. I think those are the. Oh, Another tradition was the family garden. My dad was a very avid gardener, so we would always look forward to the beginning of spring. Of course, it wasn't a particular day, but he and I would go back on Saturday mornings back into the woods. At the end of our street were woods. And he had a cart and bucket and shovel. And we would go back. He parked the cart on the road, and then he and I would go back into the woods and he would find these. He'd start digging, and he would find these rich areas of topsoil. And he and I would dig the topsoil and put it in the bucket, and I would carry the bucket up to the cart and we would load that up, and then we would take the cart up to the garden and dump the topsoil up there. We did that for a number of years, and that garden soil now is incredibly rich. But it was. That was a tradition. Every spring. He and I would do that for several weeks. Another tradition, and some of them are coming to me, was every fall, Uncle John and Aunt Lisa and I would go back into the woods because there were thousands of blue. Wild blueberries or black raspberries that were growing back there. And we would go back there with colanders and we would pick all these black raspberries, and grandma would make pies. We put them on ice cream. But that was every fall. We would go back there for that. And another tradition which we really liked when we were growing up, Uncle Jim, when it would get to be fall and the leaves were changing color, Uncle Jim and my grandmother Docherty at the time, would take all take my mom and dad and Annalise, Uncle John and myself, and we would drive to Ligonier, to the mountains in Ligonier and just admire the foliage. And then we would go to a restaurant on Route 40 called the Pen Alps, and Uncle Jim would treat for dinner. And I always loved that. That was always a really special tradition for us. We would go and. And do that. And I think that covers the main traditions. Yeah.

24:27 So in continuing, dad, do you know any classic family stories, jokes, songs, etc?

24:37 Yeah. Well, I think I've Told you this one. But it always sticks with me, especially when I'm going through some tough troubles. Because, as you may recall, Papap grew. Didn't grow up, but he went through the Great Depression and lost his job for five years. And he's trying to keep a house together with three children. And then his brother moved in with them when he lost his job. So there were nine people living in this really small house. But he always used to recite this poem to me. And I always. I recite it frequently to myself. It's because it's easy enough to be happy when life rolls along like a song. But the person worthwhile is the person who can smile when everything goes all wrong. So I always remember that. And then Aunt Josephine used to tell me a lot, what you can't cure, you must endure. So I always remember that one. And then my dad and Uncle Bill, they used to take us on these fishing trips, and they used. Uncle Bill was just so funny. You would have loved him. He. He and my dad would take my cousins Billy and Larry and Timmy and Annalise and Uncle John and I to this lake, fishing. And I can remember the first time they started singing this. It was a song that they made up when they were. I don't know, in elementary school, but it was. I wear my pink pajamas in the summer when it's hot I wear my wools and undies in the winter when it's not Sometimes in the springtime and sometimes in the fall I jump between the sheets with nothing on at all we're from Allegheny county we're from Allegheny County Were from Allegheny county that good old Keystone State by heck. By heck. And I just. We used to just crack up listening. And it's the only time I ever heard my dad sing. It's the only time when they would sing that crazy song for us. But that was. That was one. And my dad used to. There were so many funny stories, but I remember one that I thought was hysterical when he told me. He said, uncle Bud was in high school. And they had these really high. They were called City Steps. They were located in different parts of Pittsburgh because the hills were so steep. The city built these steps so you could walk up them to different parts of the hills. So they lived in Fine View, and there were these city Steps. And Uncle Bud was walking with this girl who was carrying her school books, and he. They got to the bottom of these steps, ready to go up, and he said, oh, I don't know what her name was. I'll carry your Books for you, if you want. And she said, oh, that would be so nice. So they start walking, and you have to keep in mind these city steps were really high up, and there were a lot of them. So they get to the top of the steps, and she turns around, and he left her books at the bottom of all the steps. And she was so furious. And so that was. I always remember that one that was so funny. And then another one that I always remember. It's just funny at Halloween, when my dad and Uncle Bud got a little older, and the kids would come to the front door, you know, go and trick or treating. And my dad and Uncle Bud used to whip pennies at them. But what I thought was so funny was that Pap. Pap used to think it was hysterical, too. He didn't tell them to stop. They just were whipping pennies at these kids. And. And there was another Halloween story, too. When Uncle Bud was in college, he thought it would be funny. I don't know what happened, but he thought it would be funny to go trick or treating. So he goes around dressed like this old bum, and he goes to this one house and he goes, trick or treating the guy. I punched him in the mouth. And why would you do that? And then I remember we were at Uncle Bill's, and, like, there were so many stories with them, but they used to have a parakeet at the house. So he was going to show us how. And they named. They named the parakeet Phil. And he put the parakeet on his. On his finger so he could show us, you know, this is Phil. You know, you can pet him a little bit. But before he got them near us, Phil took off. And I can still see him running all over the house trying to catch Phil. And he's swearing and he's running up and down the steps. It was too funny. And another time, my dad. When I was driving, I told my dad, do you want to go over to say hi to Uncle Bill? He said, yeah. So we stopped over, and we're sitting on the front porch, and Uncle Bill yells in, dan. Flo. Hey, can you come out a second, Flo? And she comes out, and he said, can you get us a couple beers? So she said, yeah. We're sitting there talking and talking, and Aunt Flo hasn't come out talking some more and hasn't come out. And there was a bar that was like, I don't know, four miles from their house. And he just. What did she do? Go to Miller's to get the beer it was just so funny. She just disappeared. And I remember, too, Uncle Jim, he used to take us everywhere because my dad never owned a car, never drove. So he would take us to see Aunt Lisa belonged to the glee club in high school. And we were there one winter evening for their concert. And we were leaving, and Uncle Jim was driving, and he never swore. But, you know, we're coming down this little slope and it. It was getting really nasty outside, and all of a sudden the. The car just takes this really bad bed and he goes, oh, shit. That was just. It was so funny. Had never heard him do that. Ah. So, yeah, those are some of the. The funniest stories. Yeah, we. Yeah, I'll think of some more. But th. Those are ones that are like the one New Year's Eve party, we're just up the street at the neighbors. But Uncle Ernie and Aunt, they came. They came to. That's another tradition, though. They would come every New Year's, like, a couple days before New Year's Eve to celebrate New Year's. And my dad would put together this big party, and he would call it the New Year's Eve, Bing, bang. But this one year, the neighbors had it. So we went up there, and I don't know why we all drove. It was just a couple. It was just right up the street. But Uncle Ernie drove us all up there, and afterwards we were driving back and he missed the street, and you knew he had a little too much to drink for celebration that night. Oh, and that was the night we came outside, you know, when everybody. When it hit midnight, everybody's jumping around, and Mr. Widener put firecrackers in his ears, and this guy came up with a lighter, and we thought he was gonna blow his head off. Oh, and then Mr. Widener, earlier in the evening, he thought. I don't know what he was saying. He was gonna give Aunt Burn a kiss. And he came up to the lampshade and he kissed the lampshade. So I don't know what. What was going on there. Oh, yeah, that was some. We had some funny ones there. And I remember. Oh, I wish I would have saved the tape. We came back from another New Year's Eve party with Aunt Bern and Uncle Ernie and I put the tape recorder on when we came home, and the comments and the conversation was hysterical, but I don't know where that. Where that tape went. That was really funny. Oh, another one. It was so good. Uncle John was probably 10 years old, 10 or 11 years old. And we got this plastic hand talking about pranks. My dad got this plastic hand that you could stick on the wall or places. But Uncle John thought he got the idea he was wearing a suit that day. And he decided. He decided to pull his hand up into the sleeve of the suit and have the plastic hand sticking out. So we. We go to Pap's after church, and, you know, we're all saying hi, and Uncle John sticks out his hand to shake hands, and Pap grabs his hand and he pulls it off. And I don't know what he thought happened. He just was so shocked. It was too funny. It was super. Oh, that was a great prank. Oh, I used to call him up when that was another tradition. Every April Fool's Day, I would call, pop up with a prank. You know, I'd say, I'm from the White House. We want to know about your patent for the lawnmower. And he and I would go back and forth, and I think I told you about that one time I was able to imitate. Pap was good friends with Uncle Ernie's dad, and I just picked up on how to imitate his dad. And I remember calling him up and imitating Mr. Measly, and he thought I was Mr. Measly. And I just. I just couldn't. It was just so funny. I wish I could have gone on longer with it, but I started cracking up on the phone. Oh, and then I called. I called Grandma Trust one time with a prank call, and I call up and I said, hey, is your refrigerator running? And she said, yeah. And I said, well, you better go out and catch it. And she said, oh, is that you, Joey? Yeah, that was. That was so funny. Oh, and then I think I told you my cousin Larry called and he'd like to meet up on January 2nd. He's going to be coming in from Virginia. But anyway, I got my first camera in 1971, and we were all at. My grandmother had died that year, but we were at Uncle Jim. Uncle Jim still was in the house. And two doors down is where Uncle Bill and Timmy, Larry and Billy and Aunt Flo lived. So they came over and I had my camera. I got one for Christmas. And so I started taking all these photos of the cousins and Uncle Bill. And the one photo I said, you know, say, like, happy New Year, Merry Christmas. And my cousin Timmy gave the finger. And I still have that photo. And I was thinking of sharing it with Larry when he comes on Tuesday. It was. It was so funny. Yeah, this is Merry Christmas to you, too. Funny. Yeah, lots of. Lots of Funny stuff. So those are some of the. That's one. That's something I always remember about growing up. We were always laughing, which I thought was fantastic. You know, everybody had a great sense of humor, and there was always laughter. It was always great. It was why it was such a really good childhood in youth. Yeah. So. Yeah.

38:06 So continuing this interview discussion, did you have a nickname growing up? And if so, can you tell me the story of how you got it?

38:19 I had several nicknames. One was Moose. My dad would call me Moose, and that was mainly because I grew so fast. I was just a really big kid, and I never really appreciated it until he used to take movies of us. And. But actually, it was Pap. He gave the camera to Papa on my first day of first grade, and Papapa took all the movies. And when I'm. When I'm in line with all my classmates, I was like, twice as big as all of them. And, yeah, so he would call me Moose. And then my friends in grade school, because of that, they called me Daddy Long Legs. So I was Daddy Long Legs for a long time. And then the one friend of mine who was a really good athlete, he used to call me Herman Munster, because, again, I was really big for my age, so I was Herman. And then we. I don't know how I. We were learning history. And the. During World War II, the leader of Japan was called Tojo. So I became Tojo for a couple of years in elementary school. And then when I was working campaigns for Doug Walgreen, he was a member of Congress, and I was an intern for him, and we helped him with his reelection campaigns. But a number of the people in the campaign gave me the. The nickname Professor. So I was professor for the Doug Walgreen campaigns. And I think. Oh, and then it was just a brief time, but I was having a really good game pitching against middle road at their field, and I was striking people out, and their. Their catcher started yelling out and calling me Smoking Joe. So I was Smoking Joe. So those are. You know, those were the nicknames that I had. Yeah.

40:58 Tell me about your brother and sister, dad. How would you describe them?

41:03 Ah, okay. Well, Aunt Lisa, as I told her on my 60th birthday, is my oldest friend. We've known each other for 62 years. She was born right after me. I would say there are some very tough people in our family who've had very difficult times in their lives, but I sometimes think she's the toughest member of our family, mainly because she wasn't supposed to live when she was born, she was, I think, three months premature. She had to have a complete blood transfusion. Uncle Bud and Uncle Jim donated the blood that she had, she needed. And at that time, it was so different. She was in an incubator, and my mom and dad could not hold her. And she was in there for several months, so nobody ever really held her. I, you know, in a nurturing way, they fed her. But. And she. It's really interesting. She said she could remember seeing mom and dad, my mom and dad at the window looking at her. But, you know, you're really young, so I don't know, maybe she did. I don't know. But anyway, that really put her back in a lot of ways. And I used to feel sorry for her. She used to have to wear a patch on her eye. And, of course, she had to have glasses at a very early age. As long as I'm maybe three years old, maybe two years old, and she had to put a patch on her eye because of stigmatism. So, of course, she couldn't participate in sports like some of the other kids in the neighborhood. And there were, you know, kids that would make fun of her and. And, you know, it was hard in school for her. And I remember sometimes when she would get on the school bus and I was in the back of the line, you know, getting onto the bus, I would just talk about answered prayers. I would ask God to bless her with friends. I said, you know, please give her friends. And that prayer has been answered because she. Maybe not so much now, but when she was in college, she had friends everywhere. She was organizing hayride. She was part of bowling teams. She was Mickey Mouse for the Halloween parade. She was teaching catechism for the preschoolers at church. She just was doing all this stuff and, you know, made me really proud of her. So I would say she's a tough person. She's the one who took care of my mom when she was having her most pressing physical problems. Uncle John and I were out of the house, and she was the one that had to take her into the nursing homes and into the assisted living centers, and we weren't really around. She did all that on herself, which, again.