Rianna McKay and Kim Dody

00:01 Alright, whenever you're ready. I'll write. My name is Rihanna McKay. Today is September 22nd of 2021. I work at Doernbecher Children's Hospital as a charge nurse in the Intermediate Care Unit and my partner, here is another charge that I work with and we are located in Portland, Oregon.

00:28 22nd 2021. I am charge nurse in the Pediatric ICU and hearing Doernbecher Children's Hospital in Portland, Oregon, and I just wanted to talk to Reanna today a little bit Rihanna, and I have known each other for about 5. I worked at Norbeck Road for about 14 years. And so I think you've been there since I've been there. The place you are working at. It was just opening up when I started their the 10, North was just opening and you've really been solid on that unit for the whole entire time and kind of kept the unit running really smoothly. So I just kind of want to talk to you and see how you got there and talk to you about.

01:16 Your life outside of work. I know it's a journey to Doernbecher. Look weird with weird. I started nursing as an adult cardiac nurse, and I wanted to do LifeLight, like adrenaline, junkie kind of Nursing. And so, I was living in Idaho, and I took a travel nursing job to move back to Portland where my family like my sisters and stuff are. And so I ended up working at Salem Hospital cuz there was no travel jobs in Portland, working with another nurse down there. Who was this meeting from Portland? So, we started driving together that turned out to be Jamie, who was one of my best friends at Doernbecher and she was like, Hey, like take this job at this. Pediatric hospital with me, and I was like, no more. Like pediatric nursing sucks. Like, you can't get a blood pressure. They won't hold still. Like, I don't want to work with kids and she was like, just take it. Like it'll get you a job and then you can figure out what you want to do up the

02:16 And that was the when we were opening 10 North and I've been there the whole time. I'm like, this is so much better than

02:28 For a little while and then ended up making the transition to peas and it was like the two things that I said, I would never do our be a nurse, we're going to burn unit and be a pediatric nurse. And those are the two things that I ended up doing for my whole entire career. So far. So, it just goes to show, like, you never know.

02:48 Dody Goodman, Idaho.

02:52 I grew up in La Grande, Oregon. So I've left when I was like, you know, twenties and didn't want to go to school yet. So I was living in Eugene when I decided to do nursing finally, like, I always kind of wanted to do that, but I wanted to play a little bit, first, my plate OHSU, and, of course, your on waitlist forever, and like, I'm not waiting for that. And so, they said that I could go to their Outreach campus, which was back in my hometown of LaGrande. Like, oh God. I got to go home to small-town, La Grande. So, I did it and I completed the nursing there and had a live-in boyfriend with me at the time. He was still in college. So I had two choices if I wanted to work in a big city. It was either Boise or Portland and commute both ways. So, I found a job at St. Lukes and commuted there for 2 years. I drove back and forth.

03:42 Wow. Yeah, and I know you just have sisters, right? Do you have brothers? Well?

03:50 I have an older brother were slightly estranged. I have a lot of what I call my family sisters. So technically I had a very strange upbringing. I my parents divorced When We Were Young. So that was me and my biological sister then remarried. So my mom remarried. This man. That had a son and a daughter and then my dad remarried, his ex-wife. So the couples went like this. So then there was four of us kids three girls, and a boy and we would live every other week in a different. So Monday was switched day and we'd go and live at my dad and stepmom house and then the next Monday to my mom and stepdad and then my mom and stepdad had my littlest sister. So it's a really interesting. Like it seems normal to me cuz it happened from the time. I was in like kindergarten. But, everytime I tell somebody about it. I'm like, it sounds so weird.

04:50 No, it doesn't know where that sounds like a family. Feels like family is now, you know, all they're all mixed up and you know, we make our own families. And yeah, so I will and now you guys at work, you hear me referring to the sisters all the time and like that crew is my oldest sister. Her wife. My oldest sister's best friend her wife or what living longtime girlfriend, my little sister. And her husband who we just call not sister and so it's just, it's like crew of power ladies that I spend most of my time. Yeah. You travel with them.

05:30 Somewhat, we go to, we try to go to Hawaii together. If we can most like each year sometimes every other year.

05:39 Yeah, I know. I've, I've watched you on social media and all of your travels and it seems like you've traveled everywhere. I have known a lot of places.

05:52 Miss it so much. You know, that's that's the hardest part is. That's how I would like feed myself, you know, and we're lucky enough in this job that we can take to do three weeks after a year and have it be paid for it and not have it be a problem in. So I guess I think it was like 2010 is when I did my first big trip with Jamie and we went to Indonesia for 3 weeks and I just fell in love and like we've been spent three weeks in Cuba. Not going to tell you how I got there was just a lot of different.

06:27 Thank you. Canada. Know. It's just really like Adventure traveling. We don't try to plan anything out when we would go and you know, we kind of have a general idea of what we want to do and have a place to land for the first couple days. And then you just pick up maps and decide where you want to go. And it's it's just a lot of fun.

06:54 Free. I do travel sometimes with Miguel who has everything planned out, including me down to the meals and the groceries, which is just amazing cuz you don't have to think about anything. She's like, your own private concierge. So what was your favorite place you've ever went?

07:15 I do think Cuba was my favorite place like it's there will never be a place. That's that different for me. Like you once you're at like a weekend, it took about a weekend to kind of recognize that there was no digital anything and like no big billboard signage like, you know, there was

07:36 Music in the street all the time and people singing. And like, it was just this really like happy slow-paced. People are walking around on their cell phone. They're like engaging when you walk by, it was just a different culture and different pace than the speed of life and just relaxing and welcoming. And I remember stepping off the plane in Canada and you're kind of in the upper-level international entryway and I looked down, and there's like a digital laptop bar. So every seat has a tablet in front of it, and it was just so bright, and so loud. And I was just, like, I can't come home to that. I'm not ready. It was just so calm, and relaxing, and just musical there.

08:22 I want to.

08:25 Yeah.

08:27 Yeah, we had some Adventures on that one. There. We were.

08:32 Down south on the island, and we wanted to get back, but we the bus system was taking forever. And so these guys out front, the two older guys, then they were coming back from having driven since you are a stem cells. And so they just needed to go home to Havana. And so they were going to give us a very inexpensive ride back to Havana, but on the way they needed to stop at all, their different, relatives houses and pick things up. So we stopped at one relative's house and pick up this giant bunch of bananas that had just been hacked off the tree. And then the next one we pick up this like huge paper-wrapped chunk of meat from like the farm family. It was crazy like stopping at. All these places on the way back cuz it was really fun. And do you speak other languages?

09:14 I can get by in Spanish, but not very well.

09:24 Do you speak any other languages? I do not. I have tried to learn multiple languages. It's not in my forte. I, my kids went through a Japanese immersion program here in, for when they went through this Japanese immersion program. And I, I tried to learn before we went to Japan and then I got over there and would like speak Spanish a little bit, like a little bit of Spanish here and then, if you like, that's not how you say, thank you, or whatever says I just had to they had said do all of my interpretation for me when we were there, which was actually kind of fun and it was really great to see them. Get involved in the culture there and be able to like talk to people that I just stood there and look like a dummy. And I have no idea what they said about me, but I was just like smiling in, okay, okay, whatever. But no to learn Spanish.

10:17 For our patients. Yeah, that would be my brain doesn't think like that.

10:24 Yeah. Yeah, I can do the vocabulary and I have very good pronunciation, but I can't string two sentences together. But it's interesting the way you described that being in Japan with your kids because it's like, you got a small taste of what it feels like for the families. We take care of when the parents is sitting there and doesn't understand what's going on at all and their kid who's sick in the bed is like interpreting for them and I'm, like, waving the doctor down. Like wait, we need an interpreter or like this is so wrong. And yeah, that's what it feels like to have like a ten-year-old. Both of the two times. I went I went twice with each child once with each child. So twice total and the they were both ten at the time when we went and maybe 11:00. And I mean they were in 5th grade and they were doing all of my interpreting, so I would, I would ask, you know, about food and we would

11:25 We would think we were telling them that we were vegetarian and we would get like fried chicken skin or, you know, like random things and it was and it was that it was interesting to have a 10 year old doing, all my translating for me because you never knew if if what was happening was correct. And you just kind of went with it and I think you're right. Like we have we have those families that have those little siblings or the the patient themselves or siblings of the patient trying to interpret all of these crazy like medical term.

12:00 And, and relay that to a parent about what's happening with another child. And it's it's it's almost insane. Luckily. We in the past. It's been pretty scary to just run around the unit be like. Can anybody speak, Spanish, speak Spanish? Do you know?

12:25 And you're a pretty strong presence to. So to be at the mercy of your 10 year old kid to try and get your needs met. That would I be like it? Yeah, it was it was pretty crazy at felt a little bit strange to not be able to talk for my own self that we had a lot of great experiences because my kids could speak Japanese pretty well. And so we ended up, you know, doing things that I totally wouldn't have done as a as a tourist there because they could talk to the people and ask for things and we were offered all kinds of things. They were offered a ride on one of the carts at the fish market in Tokyo, because we were lost. And so, we were offered a ride and we just hopped on the back. And there was like, Stitch blood and that wouldn't happen in America. They wouldn't let you on there. And so, we just rode around and I didn't know what was going on, but it was fun. And we were seeing all kinds of cool stuff.

13:22 That's awesome. That's no fun. I think that's partly why Cuba was so good as well because Jamie is so fluent in Spanish. And so yeah, we got to ask for things and get things and have more in-depth conversations with the locals School.

13:40 Yeah, where you going to go next?

13:44 Well, so this kind of ties into having gotten engaged recently liked, Phil is very interested in. So my mom 20 years ago, married a Norwegian man and has been living in Norway ever since and so he is very interested in going there. Like he loves all snow season things and, you know, used to work on snow cats up on the mountain here and stuff. And so he really wants to get over there in like check out the few words and just be kind of what Scandinavia is all about. And a couple different times when I've traveled to Norway to visit family. I've gone through Iceland with like a layover for a week. You can do with Icelandair to stay in Reykjavik for a week and then travel on to Norway. So I think I might take him for that trip cuz it's a lot of fun, but if I had my choice we would be going to

14:37 Oh, there's this little place off. It's a little island off, the it's Roatan off, the coast of Honduras and there's a like little hotel like breakfast spot in front beach bar across the way and a dive shop on site. And I've gone there for a week by myself and just didn't do. I don't think I left that 100-meter square foot place. That was the only thing I did and I was so relaxing. So that would be you scuba.

15:04 Of course you scuba.

15:07 Of course.

15:08 Yeah, I got certified when we were in Indonesia and just really fell in love with it. It's when you're underwater, like everything's beautiful anyways, but your buoyancy has a lot to do with your breathing and so you don't breathe very deep or exhale, very thoroughly. So it's like really kind of shallow in and out and all you can hear is your own breathing, your own bubbles. So it's like meditative being down there, just concentrating on your own breath, for that long, and using it to kind of control where your body is in space. Like, it's it's a really neat experience. Those people say, okay, but you'll go snorkeling. If you're on top, your shark food snorkeling up there. And if I'm down below there, just like, what's that? They swing by me? And you guys up there on top, floundering around snorkeling. Look like an injured, seal there, like 5.

16:08 Yeah, but we went to.

16:13 Oh, man. Oh man, like it's, it's so funny because I my sisters would say that I was a serial, monogamist, when I was younger. Like, I had two very long-term relationships, and then coming out of those. I was like, I got to do something different. Like I'm in a really needed to sort myself out and figure out, like, who I was, and what I needed and relationships, and also it was like super not down with the internet dating. Like tried it a couple times and it just felt terrible. I was like, this is not the way that I can find someone. And so, I spent a few years later. Remember, I went, I wanted to go to therapy and I found this therapist who was wonderful and I was like, so,

16:55 Like, I don't think I'm broken or anything, but I think I could be better, and she just started cracking up and was like, that's the best way to come into therapy. And so, spent a few years, just really, you know, figure it out who I was and what worked for me, and who I wanted to be in, just that kind of stuff. And I was like, you know what? I think I'm fine by myself. Like, I don't think I need it a partner, like, I've got a super full life and if they come along, awesome. And I would describe to the sister is like, I want a guy who is like, you know, manly and rugged, but also super sensitive. And then, you know, obviously he has to get along with my entire lesbian crew and you know, but then all these things and they're like, so unicorn, like, that's not going to happen. And I'm, I'm playing pool at the bar by my house one night and this guy sitting on me. And this was a year before we got together and I was like, yeah, I know not interested. Thanks and then still kept like seeing him around.

17:55 And then I would like listen to some of his conversations. And so we started kind of gravitating back and hanging out again together. And it turns out he's like all of those things like outdoorsy and rugged but it was like all sisters and super like female sensitive and very caring. And then I was just so funny. I was like, where were you away? You are right under my nose and I told, you know,

18:21 Do you have a date yet?

18:26 No, I think, I don't know I'm torn because like, I'd like to wait until you know, family and everybody can be together. But then at the same time, I don't want to waste that much money on a wedding. Like I'm not looking to spend a ton of money. So just trying to sort out what that looks like for us. And, you know, I'd like my mom to be able to come from Norway. And yeah, so the engagements. Good enough for now.

18:57 Everybody says that they'll when they find out we're engaged they like when's the daytime like it was the how people do it. Did I do it wrong?

19:10 You and your partner have been together for a long time though, right? Married to, man. I got married really young, which is kind of what you did, where I grew up and we were married for not very long. Couple of years. And I met Sharon, my now wife and just kind of was like, oh, this is a thing. Like, I can, I can I can really like their woman even though I was married. So, I did tell my husband and, you know, we, we had a nice talk about it and, and I ended up, we've been together for, like, 25 years and have our kids together, and move to Portland to be near her family, who lives here. And

20:06 Portland is just kind of our we're just kind of settling in here. It's it's it's such a cool place. It's really struggling Portland struggling right now. I'm having a hard time with just in general. I think it's struggling but we're settled in. And now I'm now we're like even talking about where we might be when we retire because that's going to happen. Someday. Someday. We're going to be able to share.

20:35 So we're at we're not we're talking about where we might go and what we might do and it's kind of fun to talk about stuff like that. Even though, even though it's not happening anytime soon, and you don't have to make decisions, but it's kind of think about it. Dream about it.

20:50 May I feel like if you if you're talking about that kind of stuff ahead of time because it's such a big transition in life. It makes it less scary. When you get there and get something. You've talked about that, you're excited about that. You're looking forward to rather than, like I'm retired. I don't have, I'm not a nurse anymore. What do I do? You know?

21:13 Last year.

21:15 I don't know. What time is time is at a standstill right now during this pandemic, but moved out right before covid and was gone for three months and then they had to move back home because their school was not happening anymore. And so they moved back home. So we were like having kids move out starting to have kids move out and then they moved back. And so where I love it. Like I want them to stay forever. I don't ever want my kids to move out. I want them to just live with me forever most days and then some days I can't wait to move out and live it be forever. No, not going to be ready.

21:57 How do they feel? Do they want to run the moment? They can or they pretty happy being home?

22:08 Do they're saying and they're in cosmetology school. And which is why my hair always looks different. Every time you see me because I'm kind of a guinea pig and I love him, like I do whatever they want. So they're ready to. They're ready to go and get moving in the world. My son is 16 and he is. He's musical talking about college. I don't know where he'll go. He'll definitely go to college. He's kind of musical and kind of nerdy at the Hollywood Theater here. In

22:47 And we go to movies probably. Oh my God, she probably goes three sometimes two to three nights a week, to a movie at the Hollywood Theater and we see all kinds of cool movies and things that I never would have expected to see, or like we go and watch these like crazy kung fu movies. Or, you know, like the movie Bingo is our favorite thing to do. And so we just go watch all kinds of movies and it's like stuff. I would never choose to go see, but it's always fun. We always have a good time.

23:18 Well, how's that been then? Like pandemic times? Cuz that's, you know, those are the things that were we're missing that we're not doing that, like feed us. Like, you know, we had twice annual trips with the sisters that were like scheduled and a week-long. And you, you know that, then you just lose all that stuff.

23:42 Anyway.

23:46 You know, I have places to go and and have some spending money to do stuff like that. But all of that stuff, got cancelled and it it just seems like oh that's you know, that's crazy on top of like we're in a pandemic, right? We're working our butts off and hospitals are overflowing. So if it feels it feels it feels like I'm ready for those things to start back. And in some ways, I'm really surprised how much has started back because we're still so busy. I mean, we still have all of these patients and they're still coming in, and I'm surprised that things are open, but at the same time I think we have to, like, live.

24:29 You know, I mean, it's been, it's been interesting to get things started again, and my son went to school the other day and back to school, and he's in band. And they gave him a mask to wear in band class with the hole in the middle of it.

24:52 Someone I was like your kids in band. What's that look like they literally have a mask that has a hole in the middle of it and they put in the hole and blow on it and I just can't for the life of me figure out like, what good that mask is doing. And it's uneven. Watch but it's like that's when I guess that's our reality for a while.

25:17 That needs to be, I need a picture of the entire band class with their instrument, through their mask Colby. That's never going to happen again.

25:29 Looks like they gave all of these teenagers like a like a pair of black cross was being offensive.

25:46 Holding up during covid.

25:49 Work. Oh man up and down. Yeah, definitely up and down the, you know, kind of hit it before we went to Maui. Like I realized how much I was missing like that form of feeding myself. And because the second we stepped off the plane, my body just went total exhale like complete relaxation mode for a week, which I tried to do when I'm off here, but it's still, you know, it's 22 similar and so it's been really hard. Like I have fortunately, the support of all my family, like I'm not arguing with any of them about the validity of the, you know, pandemic or anything like that. And I tried it just sort of avoid that kind of stuff on social media, but it is really hard being in our position and truly seeing what's going on in the hospital and hearing from our colleagues over on the adult side and then watching the outside contrast. And so I've had to really

26:48 Like microcosm myself like for a while. I was reading everything and getting, you know, really emotionally involved in what was happening to other people in the trauma. They're taking on and just like allowing that to emotionally hurt me. And I I just finally had to be like, okay tiny little world like yours. What I have here is what? My job is. Here's what I'm doing cuz it's just too. It's overwhelming. If not, you know, it's just too much to see the big picture and I think it's interesting. Some of the conversations I've had with some of our colleagues in the vaccine mandate stuff, you know, like we are in total unprecedented times and it's flaring up a lot of emotion for people and like just randomly have a conversation with somebody that's like

27:34 Super angry about it. And like, this is the end of this is what it was like in the country. It came from a communist country in like, they can't make me do anything in like a lot of like, I have trouble, I take on people's emotions, like I'm definitely in pain and so she's like, I feel like she's yelling at me and I was like, wow, I'm just walking to my car, it was, you know, there's just so much energy coming off people all the time, whether it's good, or Fierce or sad. And so, that's been really hard for me, not to, to take on, I think.

28:11 Sterling. If I'm struggling in the pick you and we're busy and crazy and I call you. Do you hear me? You listen to me, and you do whatever you can to help. And I sometimes we all get into the spot where we think we're in the worst position ever. And it's crazy, and I don't know how I'm going to handle my job. I don't know how I'm going to do this and we forget the other people are struggling to. And so, I know sometimes I've reached out to you on 10 North and said, like, hey, I'm drowning down here and it seems like you always really look and see what you can do to help. And I hope that we do the same thing for you when we can. I hope that's happened. Sometimes. I'm sure it doesn't, sometimes it doesn't, but I can really tell that you like you really hear what people are saying and I can see that you take on you listen to people and that's pretty cool.

29:07 Thank you.

29:11 It's hard. Sometimes, you know, we've one of the things we practice in therapy that I think was a really good skill for me because, you know, as charge nurse like part of our job is to make sure that the job goes smoothly for all of the other nurses. And so there's a lot of, you know, them coming at you with like this conversation. I just had with his parents or this doctor. And you know, you're kind of The Dumping Ground for all of the things that people need to talk about, as well as the like, let me run this by you or let me ask you a question or let me talk through this thing, you know, so getting to the point of like what do I need to really hear and what do I need to, like, be present for you for it? But allow all that energy flow to just go past me because if I try to take it all on throughout the day, it's way too much. So, you know, we actually had to do these exercises. We're like, visually I would see the flow of their energy coming at me and have to just like watch it go past and still be present. I'm still listening to you, but I can't. I can't take it.

30:09 That's cool. That's a great therapist. That's some good work. Your yeah. Yeah, she's amazing. It it helps a lot, you know, and then also letting my co-workers know that I made like I am a good listener, but I mean, I always have the space for it, you know, so I had talked to some of them that dumped a lot on me and said, like if it's possible before you start, can you ask like hey, do you have space for this? And they've started doing that and it's just it's really nice cuz then it's I'm making the choice to listen instead of being dumped on some of that on to my house for myself.

30:48 Yeah, it's it's really helpful.

30:53 Right now, I mean pick, he's been like a little dumpster fire down there right now. So you got to figure out somehow.

30:59 We all need to figure out some how to listen and also let it go without my blood pressure being through the roof, which it is many times when I'm there. I'm sure, but it's a good place. I feel like we're in a good solid spot. We work it with good people and have good colleagues together. Is there? What, what do you find rewarding about working with pediatric being there?

31:25 I think I've kind of gotten to the point in my job. Where would I find most? Rewarding is supporting my staff. Nurses? I'm getting less and less bedside nurse. Like, I, pretty much primarily do charge nurse now and just take like, one patient when I'm working. So I think we're a lot of us of our generation of nursing, her kind of, stepping, out of the bedside role in, figuring out how to transition that. But I do get a lot of satisfaction and, you know, getting to the end of the day and hearing the nurses. Be like, thank you so much. Like, you helped so much today. And that, that makes my day right? Where I think that you and I are about the same antigen.

32:05 Having having done bedside for so long. It's really nice to be able to kind of stuff back and watch the nurses and see, what, how you can support them in, whatever way and build them up, and watch them. Watch them. Watch them work. Their work, their magic with people. But it's, I mean, it is exhausting to work those long days at our age. It's exhausting. It's funny. I can do all kinds of stuff for 12 hours. But going to work is exhausting like going to work for 12 hours. I think you think that people don't realize is, it's also so sensory, so it's mentally physically and emotionally exhausting. So, it's loud and you have to give a lot and you have to think a lot and you physically have to move things. And so it's using like every single piece of your capabilities to get through that 12 hour shift. It's not just I need to go to this physical thing for 12.

33:05 Working with all those a lot like an introverted, the quiet person who has, you know, listening and having all of that noise, and all of those, like, people coming at you and conversations. Like, I love that. And I got a ton of energy from that kind of environment, but I can't imagine like that the overload that some people must have. I mean, the alarm, 15 people calling you and people needing that than curing medicine, just like it never is never.

33:36 It never ends, and it does feel like it. And I love that kind of activity. I don't, I don't know how people who need quiet. Introverted time could possibly manage in these kind of situation. It's got to be draining. Well, I kind of, do you wrap up? What? What makes me think it? Like, as we are alike aging out of the profession, right? And, you know, we've been hiring a bunch of people on my unit recently and one of the guys that we hired. I mean, he could be my son, like he's just a baby and but when I watch him cuz he was orienting on days with us and he's just like ready, like he wants to get out there in like 2, he hasn't been working through a pandemic. He's been life. Give me in there. Like I'm in a watching this kid. I'm like

34:36 Like, I'm going to start looking for some management work and you can step in and do this.

34:48 I have a little group of nurses on my unit that I hang out with and you know, I hope there's some might and there's some in their twenties like I am old enough to be there and it's it's been a lot of fun to have like multi-age people hanging out together and you know, live in this job.

35:09 Yeah, it's it's interesting and I think in a way, we've been lucky with our job going to that, like the style of our job going through the pandemic because we still had so much Social connection like ever. A lot of people that got really isolated and closed off and we still had to go to work, you know, so I still had an entire crew of people that I'm used to seeing every day that I still got to see everyday. So on a regular basis at work, even if it's not fun getting better, and I'm really excited and congratulations on finding the love of your life and getting engaged. That's very exciting and

35:59 It's been nice talking with you.

36:02 Yeah, it's been good to have a chat when we're not talking about patient placement.

36:10 Take this patient for me, please for me. Take this picture for me.

36:21 Well, I hope you hear back from your interview and that no one mentions the bust and I think it's I think it's a strong point in your interview.

36:30 10 minutes.

36:39 So I know you are and I talked a little bit about it. But what would each of you say to the people who don't really know what's going on inside the hospital right now, right? Like the people who know just the flu and what would you want people to know about, you know, you or your profession and the patients that you were handling every single day.

37:05 I think I'm in the Pediatric ICU where I work. We haven't had a lot of covid-19. Those kids get very sick. We have had covid, and we've had to have had six kids. But primarily the sick patients are on the adult side. And what I'm hearing from, my adult colleagues is that they're young their unvaccinated and they're sick, and they're young like, in their 30s and 40s like they're young people. And you know, if they're like, my adult colleagues, are they are getting

37:43 They're getting their butts handed to them. It's hard. They're exhausted. They are having what, what's, what's it called when you get like empathy fatigue. It's like when you when you when you just beat you can't really give any more. I think they're really struggling. The other thing that I've noticed in Pediatrics is the visitation visitation policies are so different. So we are only allowing one parent at the bedside at a time and

38:14 You know, that's really stressful for people if your child get sick with anything, if your child get sick with cancer or a respiratory virus, or has cardiac surgery or whatever. They have they come in and you have to do and you're maybe significant other or whoever your support person is you can't be there together. It's one at a time and

38:39 I know personally for me. My wife is my rock. I I tend to get a little bit crazy and she is the grounded one who says like, hey, let's bring it down. If we were unable to be together in a situation. That's probably the most stressful situation of Our Lives. If, if our child was still in and I see you. I don't know how parents are handling that. I think it's extremely stressful for them, not to have their own support system, right there beside them. I think more than more than anything. That's that's the stress, or that I'm seeing is that people are alone in the hospital.

39:18 And, and they're sick.

39:21 Well, and I think that other thing that people don't know that, and this gets down to the just medically technical Parts. What I'm hearing from some of our Nephrology providers, the kidney doctors is, they don't have enough equipment for how many sick people they have. So there's this continuous dialysis machine, that is meant to run 24 hours a day that does, what your kidney can't do when it's sick and they're having to choose to run 12 hours Cycles on one patient and then leave their kidney to its own, you know, to fail and run 12 hours on another patient. So we're not even we just don't even physically have the equipment to provide the treatment that people need right now. So I think that's a really scary thing. And I think the, the part that I hate about that is cry, like my dad has heart problems if he has a heart attack.

40:09 He won't get into it. I see you like.

40:14 Siri, I mean, it's terrifying terrifying to think that this is something that could

40:21 Something that can be prevented. And and it like, I don't understand that disconnect of people thinking that it's not real. Sometimes. I feel like we should take people on tours. I mean, obviously, you can't do that, but it feels like if people could actually see and believe that that this isn't that this is actually happening. I think that's really a time. I saw something. Monday, were somebody thought it was a. They were actors like some, like, that was an actor. Playing a person with covid. And it's like, I don't, I don't know where all this information comes from. Not sure where this with this misinformation is happening, but it's really sad. It's really sad and you we used to make things produce things, be the leaders. And now I feel like we're really, we're really falling behind.

41:16 At least it feels like that. To me, like we're falling behind in a lot of weight.

41:26 Thank you for sharing that with me. I really appreciate that.

41:30 Go ahead and stop the recording.