Robin Jacobs, Anthony Jacobs, and Thelma Jacobs

[00:03] ROBIN JACOBS: My name is Robin Jacobs. I'm 23 years old. Today is November 12, 2023. We are in Mobile, Alabama, and I am interviewing my father today.

[00:16] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: My name is Anthony Wayne Jacobs. I'm 60 years old. Today is November 12, 2023. We're in mobile, Alabama, and I'm being interviewed by my lovely daughter.

[00:29] ROBIN JACOBS: Okay, so as I stated, I am a 23 year old woman and I'm in graduate school. And I'm very proud of the woman that I have become. How I live my life and my worldview I greatly attribute to you. You are one of the greatest influences in my life. And BB, your grandmother was one of the greatest influences in your life. Obviously, I never met BBD, or mama, as you like to call her. But your persistence and consistency in teaching me life lessons has made me feel as if I have a special connection with her. Growing up, I remember you using fables, parables and adages that BB told you to instill in me morals of responsibility, self esteem and accountability, and love. So tell me a little bit about what BB would say about self esteem and what she would tell you.

[01:22] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Well, she always wanted me to make my own decision, okay? So she never told me what to do. And she never said I was the greatest of all or nothing like that. What she did was she gave me an example. She told me a favor about a person who could make a wish and allow a person to be anybody that they wanted to be, currently, who's living or who's dead, okay? And also the person was three people and was also a baboon. And there would be interview. He had the same option. And naturally, one of the people wanted to be the president of the United States. That's what he wanted to be. And the other person wanted to be the richest person in the world and the one wanted to be the greatest movie star. So when the interviewer came to the baboon, he started laughing, just hilarious, laughing. And he said to the baboon, Mister Baboon, I know that you would want to be anybody else, so you can tell me, but I know it really doesn't matter who you want to be, because who you are. And so the baboon took a second or two to think about it, and he said, finally, he said, I'll tell you who I would be. I would be ashamed of myself if I couldn't be me. Okay? Now, that's what she told me. But she also allowed me to pick somebody first. I think I picked an athlete or something like that. But that was a little thing to provoke thought in me. So that's what she did about the self esteem for me. And then she said one last thing. She said, it's a mighty poor dog. Not poor, that won't wag his own tail, okay? And that's the thing. She. And then she let me go on and do whatever I want to do.

[03:10] ROBIN JACOBS: So tell me a little bit about what BB would say about doing the right thing and how she kind of got her moral compass in life.

[03:19] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: This also was at a very young age. And she would always say, baby, go do the right thing. Now, if you can imagine when you were eight or nine, and some of the things I've told you, you don't really know what to do is right or wrong. So, you know, I wouldn't all. I didn't want to get in trouble with my grandmother at all, right? And so I told, I came to her when she said, do the right thing. One day, I was turning late, and I said, mama, well, how do I know what the right thing to do? She said, you ask yourself two questions. Whatever you doing, if you don't want nobody to see you doing it, don't do that. Cause that's the wrong thing. If you don't want nobody to come back and tell me what you did, don't do that either. If you do those two things, you'll be okay. Now, that was a thing to get me to be accountable to what you do because I didn't want to run afoul of this woman. Because, remember, I'm eight or nine years old, and that's what I use as my barometer until I morally adjust a little older. But that's primary still today. And those are some of the things I said to you.

[04:28] ROBIN JACOBS: So when I was younger, I remember you talking a lot about consequences, and I would always get fussed at a little bit about, oh, yeah, you don't know the consequences. You need to think about the consequences of your actions. So tell me a little bit about what BB's philosophy was about accountability and taking responsibility for your actions.

[04:47] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Okay, this is. She worked seven days a week, and she was only, when she had a brief time or she took off, she still was working at home. She did the laundry, and I was at home with her this particular day. And now I love Mayo sandwich. And now you may not realize this because you've never seen me, because I don't eat mayo today, but at that time, I love bail salmon. So we had a washing machine inside, but we didn't have one. We didn't have a dryer so when she washed the clothes, she had to go outside, and we had clotheslines. And so she would hang the clothes and put the pants on them. So I timed her when she would go in and out, and so I would go in and make me a mayo sandwich, run in between her going in, and she see the mayo on me, and she see me going in there, but she didn't stop me. As she's reaching out and getting ready to go back in there, she said, anthony Wayne, stay out that mail. Yes, ma'am. So when she go back, I did this. I did this. This went on back and forth until I put too much mayo on the sandwich, and I threw it all up. So I'm willing now. So she comes out, she has this apron on. She put the clothesline. My grandmother's like, five'ten. I'm a tall man, but my grandmother's a big woman. So she put her apron, she put the clothes basket down and came over to me, and I'm just crying. Reached down, caught me by my face, took her apron and washed my face, and she said to me, she said, you ain't gonna do what you wanna do and then cry about it. Now, you dry your face up, and if you keep crying, I'm gonna have to get to know you. Now, you don't know what to get to know you mean, but get to know you mean, that's trouble. That's a spanking. That's corporal punishment if it's necessary. You ain't gonna do what you wanna do and then cry about it. And that was her way to tell me if I were gonna do this. These are the consequences. Consequently, I never ate a mayo sandwich again to this day. Okay? And that's the thing. And it doesn't matter about mayo. It's something that you use for other things. The mayo sandwich is just a figure of that. So if something else you're doing, if you're doing the wrong thing and you don't want robbing somebody or doing something else, you don't want to go to jail, don't do that. Okay? And so that's how she did that.

[07:10] ROBIN JACOBS: It sounds like you got a lot out of the consequences in the Mayo sandwich. All these things that you described thus far have been things about how she showed love and her compassion and how much she cared about you. So what was BB's philosophy and take on love?

[07:29] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Love, in her mind, was action. Now, I saw a lot of verbal and physical abuse when I was coming up. Now, I'm still about the same age, I'm still about 910 years old. So I see people who are married and people who are living together who are supposed to be boyfriend and girlfriend, saying all kind of horrible things to each other, calling each other names, info. So I go ask my aunt. Cause I see her in this latest fight that she hit. She hit her husband. And I saw that, and I asked her, I said, well, I thought y'all loved each other. She said, we do. I said, well, why did you say what you say and why did you hit him and why did he say some of the things he said to you? She said, you don't understand because you aren't a man. Now, the implication was, I wasn't having sex, and therefore I don't know what it is. So that didn't make much sense to me. So I go to who I usually go to when somebody tell me something that doesn't make any sense to me. So I go ask my grandma. I said, grandmother, I saw so and so. So and so happened. And my aunt told me that I don't understand because I'm not a man. Yet. When a man and a woman have a disagreement, love, they do those things to each other. She looked down at me, she glasses right at the brim of her nose, and she said to me, that's foolishness. Love is asking, if you love somebody, you ain't gonna say anything to them, and you darn sure ain't gonna hit them. Okay? So you're not gonna do that. She said, let me give you a little example of what I'm talking about. Have enough sense that a dog would have. If you own a dog and you feed him, you get at your house and he see you coming every day, you come on, get off work, and you kick that dog, he gonna do one of three things. He gonna leave home, he's gonna move, or he's gonna bite you. Now, have more sense about yourself than let people treat you that. So anybody do those things that do, don't do that. Have at least enough sense of the dog, either move out the way, leave that person alone. But that's what love is. Love is action. And people love you. They don't hurt you, they don't say anything to you, and they darn sure don't hit you.

[09:50] ROBIN JACOBS: Using the same parables and fables and adages, I hope to steal the same values and attitudes about self esteem, responsibility, and love in my future children. What advice would you give me to my future children?

[10:07] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?

[10:11] ROBIN JACOBS: What you say, using the same parables, fables, and adages, I hope to instill the same values and attitudes about self esteem, responsibility, and love in my future children. What advice would you give me as far as trying to instill these same philosophies in my future children?

[10:28] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Well, I would say to you to tell your children the same thing I told you. My grandmother never told me to do anything. Okay. And a lot of times you don't have the experience, and your children won't have the experience that you have and based on life. Okay. So you usually have to tell the folks, go test it. That's what she used to always tell me, don't take mama's word from it. So I would say, don't take mama's word for it. Go test it. Okay. So you take it out and keep doing what you're doing and see is it another way? At least test it and see what it is and then come back to me. So if you do that, then they learn it, rather than you telling them or instructed them to, and then therefore, it'll go with you. And a lot of times, you know, it always says you have to get burned. You have to get hand in hand to get burned before you do anything. So you can tell you don't put your fan in high, don't put your hand in fire all the time, but you don't believe it, and you'd have to touch it. And that's. Sometimes that's what you have to. You have to have the experience. Okay.

[11:31] ROBIN JACOBS: Okay.

[11:37] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Oh, I got a question for you. How did me and your mom teach you love?

[11:48] ROBIN JACOBS: I feel like throughout, you know, childhood and stuff like that, I was able to see what a healthy marriage and relationship looked like as far as love goes in that regard. And we would always say, oh, don't go to bed mad. Don't go to bed upset. No matter what happened that day, we'd always say, you always say, I love you. You always try to work it out. But not only did you guys show me that in your marriage what love was, but you guys always, no matter what happened, no matter what I did, you guys always said, okay, we'll get through it together. You never once judged me or did anything that would make me feel, like, inadequate in anything that I did. I feel like you really demonstrated what showing love as an action was, because it wasn't just, like, gifts or presence that you would get me, but it was also the compassion in the shoulder that I need to cry on every time that something didn't go my way, or it was always the tough love where, you know, even if I was wrong in this situation, you know, everybody would tell me, this is not how you do this. This is what you should do and stuff like that. So you really, I feel like, did a great job balancing being the person that gives me advice and tells me when I'm wrong. But you also were always there to pick me up and demonstrate how love was shown through our family. And so I really appreciate that.

[13:14] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Yeah. Thank you.

[13:17] ROBIN JACOBS: Okay, well, I think that's all the questions that I have for you. Thank you so much for doing this interview with me. I love you and I appreciate you every single day.

[13:26] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: We don't want to say, me, too. I love you, too.

[13:38] ROBIN JACOBS: Thelma JacObs, age 54. Today is November 12, 2023. This is being broadcasted in Mobile, Alabama. I am here with my husband, Anthony Jacobs and daughter, Robin Jacobs. So we're talking about love, the last part of this segment. So, Anthony, I guess I have a question for both Anthony and Robin. So, Anthony, tell me, how did you know when you first fell in love with me?

[14:23] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: How did I know? Well, I test you. It's a test, and it's the same thing my grandmother was saying in action. You know, you can meet people or you beautiful, of course. And we got along with. We got to be friends, and we were friends. Well, you still have to know if what somebody. The first few things that people demonstrate towards you, are you real? Meaning that everybody can be with you when everything's going well. If things go bad, are you the type of person to pick up and run or you're going to stay there? If I get sick, I have to know. If I get sick and I was healthy, but suppose not get sick. I've seen folks get sick. Are you willing to stay there? Once I realized that you were. Cause I'm watching you. So my grandmother always said she waited to find out the dog had fleas. Watch him. Sooner or later he'll scratch. And so you watch what people do. So I watch how you interact with people. I watch what you do. I watch how you treated people. I watch kind of caring, personal people. You had the beautiful smile, love to meet and talk to you all the time. You always talk to people. You are always willing to help folks and do what you need to give of yourself. That's telling that you're not selfish. And in order to be in a relationship with anybody, you got to be willing to give. And if you can't give, and so you got to know. So that tells me knowing that you'll make a good mate, but you'll make a good mother because I didn't have any children. And so you, you want to make sure that that person is. That person is going to be there for that child. How is she going to treat this child? How she gonna do these things? What's going. When something bad happens, how is she gonna handle that? So that's when I realized it. By demons, by watching you. When I watched you, I knew at that time, I said, okay, she is, you know, it's almost like a little checklist, because my grandmother said, because you gotta remember, a lot of my friends either didn't get married or got a divorce because the person that they married weren't friends with them, because all times are not going to be good. And so that's when I knew, by watching you and seeing how you interact with your family and some of the things they did, how you fit in with my family and how you carried yourself, and I knew that you were going to be there. And so you can't. And a lot of people I did, you can't say that. Some people I went out with, regardless of what they did, I knew from them that wasn't going anywhere, and it had nothing to do with them being a bad person. I'm not saying that, but I mean that in order to live and have a life with somebody, you definitely got to be willing to give of yourself and. And actually lack the person that you're with. And if you don't, it's just not going to work. And so that's how I knew. And so I can't tell you the exact date, but I was watching all the time. And that's why I asked you what I asked you. See, I don't, if you notice me and notice my friend, if I got an issue, if I think I can't trust you, I don't believe in you, I ask you anything, okay? And I've seen enough dysfunction and problems in my life and bad that I wouldn't go and do that. So that's how I knew.

[17:57] ROBIN JACOBS: Okay. Thank you.

[17:59] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: You're welcome.

[18:01] ROBIN JACOBS: Robin, my question to you would be, based upon dad and our relationship, what do you think in a partner, what.

[18:16] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Would you look for as far as love?

[18:18] ROBIN JACOBS: Tell me what you look for in a mate. So I feel like a lot of my dating experience has been influenced a lot by seeing you guys interact with each other. And not only that, but dad giving me advice, and you, too, giving me advice about things. But I definitely look for like dad says, somebody who's gonna be a friend of and somebody that I can have fun with and enjoy, but also I want somebody who cares about me and always has a goal or, you know, ambitions and things to look forward to. And also how they interact with their family is a big one and how they show others love. Like dad was saying, like, I want somebody who is willing to love not only me, but also the people around them and the people that they consider close friends and family and stuff like that. So I feel like me seeing you guys interact with each other and your dating experience has really led me to use that in my dating life. Okay, so dad and I married only after six months. Dad, can you tell me? Six months? That's like. Because I know my family thought I was kind of a little off a little when I said I was getting married in six months.

[19:45] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Months.

[19:46] ROBIN JACOBS: So tell me.

[19:48] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Basically, we talk about love.

[19:50] ROBIN JACOBS: How did your family, or how did you think your family would accept, except six months going into a relationship? We've only known each other for six months and we're married, or we're getting.

[20:05] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Married in six months. Can you tell me a little, describe.

[20:08] ROBIN JACOBS: A little bit of that as far as your family matrix?

[20:14] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Knowing me, I would want them to be. I wanted them to be happy for me and for us. However, I wasn't looking for no acceptance or condolence. I don't need anybody. They marry you. I am. I expect certain things. Same with my grandmother. You gonna treat my folk with respect, and that's going to be understood. I ain't going to fool with you. Simple as that. So it's not. It was not a thing. I'm going to tell you. This is what I want. This is why I want it. These are the things when you're looking at a person that you're having in a relationship with a friend. We were friends in that period of time. It wasn't no rapid falling all over each other that I looked at you across the room, you looked at me and all that kind of stuff. We were at a certain stage of our lives. We wanted a family, we wanted things to do. We were friends, and our relationship would grow because I was different from anybody that you dated. And so I knew over a period of time, you got to get used to me. There's certain things that I do and that you have to adapt, and you were changing your life when I met you. And so my folks knew who I was and what they did was accepted you and brought you into the family. And if they had any kind of reservations. They kept it to themselves, okay? And that's just how it is. We believe in respecting each other, and nobody tries to run anybody else's life. And that's pretty much it. And as my grandmother said, if you got a problem, get an understanding with somebody, and if not, then leave them alone. And so I didn't have that issue with my people at all. And so they didn't say anything. Now, my mom did make. I did scare when I first dated you because I told her you were from Louisiana and that you fed me. And she said, oh, boy.

[22:20] ROBIN JACOBS: Oh.

[22:20] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: She continued to put the hoodoo on. You're my folks. Deep Christian. They thought you had did something to me. But that was it. That was the only comment was ever made. And we basically went home from there. And that's been almost, what, 26, 27, whatever it is. It's been a minute.

[22:43] ROBIN JACOBS: So 26 years later, do you have any regrets?

[22:50] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: No. No.

[22:51] ROBIN JACOBS: Anything you would have done differently?

[22:54] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: No, not as far as that. You have done everything that you have needed to do for me and making me the person I am. We have done things. We tried to do other things that we would have done things better financially if we had. If certain things had came up that had nothing to do with you and me. That was people that we were dealing with. Other than that, we made it. You know when I told you that, as mama said, if you're going to walk a mile, you got to take a step. And I told you, don't worry about what folks think. Just keep moving and keep doing it. And eventually, what did you do? Got a baby, got a house, made some savings, and we had nothing. Nothing to put in there. However, that takes perseverance, it don't happen overnight. Ain't no quick fix to nothing. And people were pulling against you and telling you, no, let's do it like that. You didn't listen to them. You could have. You didn't. And here we are. Them folks gone on about their business. We didn't ever stop, and we move on. Most of those folks didn't make it. Now you think about that. Most of them folks didn't make it. However, that's not to mean that they're bad people, but most people are not willing to make sacrifices for things that they want. They want it tomorrow. And we didn't get anything wrong. We worked hard for two or $3 that we got. Nobody gave us nothing. We didn't ask anybody for anything. And we looked and we got it. That's the end of the story. Okay, thank you, Anthony.

[24:50] ROBIN JACOBS: Thank you, Robin.

[24:51] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: Thank you.

[24:51] ROBIN JACOBS: Thank you.

[24:52] ANTHONY WAYNE JACOBS: We love you.

[24:53] ROBIN JACOBS: We love you. I love you guys as well.