Samuel Harworth and Valerie Kurth

00:03 Well, my name is Samuel Keith Harvard 41 years old currently, it's Friday, June 5th of 2020 and Helena Montana and I'm talking to my wife. I am 43 years old. Today is Friday, June 5th of 2012. We are in Helena Montana and I am so happy to be talking to my husband Sam.

00:35 Isam

00:38 Good, I ready for this.

00:43 Okay, you want me to start? I think I will so I moved to Arizona from Montana and 2004. I've been living out in the woods all by myself a bit of a Hermit and I went to the big city of Tucson, Arizona to go to grad school within my first year friend of mine move to

01:05 By staff Montana and went up to visit him at his first wedding and I meant Valerie. It's been a really long.

01:21 At a sunset sunrise ceremony in the woods

01:31 Off the Grid, yes, I campfire party and you kept making the effort.

01:46 And then do you remember that trip you took to Utah that sign?

01:52 Of course, you got flat tire by and tried to help us and you didn't need any help.

02:03 Not for me not from the

02:07 Do you remember standing on the top of that mountain?

02:16 I remember every memory of the first time you told me you were in love with me and it was on the top of some mountain in southern, Utah.

02:24 Remember that

02:28 Was really sweet. I remember feeling overwhelmed but happy

02:34 It's kind of like when I ask you to marry me if you responded with no, really.

02:42 Yeah, you want to come into?

02:47 2009 fall of 2009 we went to The Boundary Waters of Minnesota and we flew there from Arizona we flew to the Twin Cities and then drove up to the Boundary Waters and did a trip and on the I think it was the second night of the trip. It was definitely the dullest campground that we had the whole time. Remember you could have waited any longer, right?

03:12 I try to plan it out to me. I think it was the second night of the trip because it was it was my idea that you wouldn't be able to get away. I kept looking for like a really perfect campsite and we didn't really find them on and it it just it was awesome. Why are you doing this?

03:41 Cuz all you said it's all you really wanted was it ring?

03:46 I had to Vasily ring made out of recycled.

03:58 Anyway to The Boundary Waters.

04:12 That one really rainy one.

04:15 When do you want?

04:18 It can always be worse.

04:23 Yeah, and then I never decided to move to Montana.

04:29 I remember we both when we are in Arizona. We both regretted leaving cuz we have both lived in Missoula at one time not together. We both regret at leaving Missoula. So we always wanted to go back and always wondered what it would have been like if we had stayed and what have you like if we were back so we went back.

04:49 Yeah.

04:51 All For Better or Worse Eminem

04:55 It hasn't been easy. But yeah about you.

04:59 Now we're starting our next chapter armor. Yes, we are.

05:06 That's why we're here. Yeah.

05:09 So that are crazy pants.

05:20 It's like right away kind of haven't even really haven't even realized that it was starting and and then we got a notification. We got matched that wonderful little girl in in China neon way and

05:41 You're the first thing we have to do is decide if that was she was going to be the right little girl for us and it didn't take long to know that we were in love have this little girls part of our life right away.

05:59 I know I know.

06:02 Those first pictures are pretty cute videos.

06:05 And when we started the videos that was when we knew.

06:10 Yeah, she's great. She's going to be so much fun.

06:15 Do you remember the day that you were approved to adopt?

06:26 Yeah, can you tell me those memories?

06:32 It's been a huge journey. I remember we talked about adopting any pretty much since we're on that mountain in Utah. We talked about adopting a we moved a lot and we never really got around to it until I moved to Montana and there were some bumps in the road then and then I remember a night we would we drove to Missoula number to see that special Garrison Keillor and we are driving back. It's either on the way there the way back but we talked about it more and we were like, let's just do it. Let's just try it and that was in March of 2016. So that's when we officially started I think and then

07:13 We chose our agency and got going with our social worker and it was a real real steep. I'm just to get all the paperwork done.

07:26 And then our file has been in China since

07:31 I think September of 18.

07:40 I was going to say 17. But yeah, right it is 17 +.

07:48 We're almost given up on this.

07:54 We've been waiting for so long for China to happen that we started looking at other agencies in other countries and we started down the road for Liberia.

08:05 Which is going to be a whole new process.

08:09 And

08:11 And I'll wait with all this paperwork with the federal government and its it expires every so often and we just decided well, we'll wait until it expired and then just not renew.

08:23 And it wasn't that long before it expired that that we actually got matched extended in December.

08:32 Immigration it was because I couldn't let it go. We're done so much work and I was like, we can't just let it go at $100.

08:42 Yeah, that's right. That's right. But but then at the same time, I mean we kept getting those pink letters from USCIS case Mustang complete.

08:56 You know all these things have all been happening in the pandemic can.

09:03 Just seems like it's never going to happen. But I think it will know I hope it well. I will have to believe it will come back to when we got the referral I was at a conference actually is a conference that I helped to organize and it was the morning and I only had my phone out because I was taking pictures with it and I looked down and it was a Colorado number. So I thought maybe the agency and I figured it was about her immigration getting screwed up again. So I went out and answered it and I just started crying cuz I was so overwhelmed when she told me they had a referral.

09:43 And do another thing we forgot to say is that the process since 2017 has gotten a lot more time-consuming or just tedious because there's fewer and fewer children in China.

09:59 Waiting for adoption with minor to moderate special needs which is what we wanted and then they also they used to have Partnerships between the agencies in the orphanages and they ended it was at the end of 2017. And so now all of the agencies in the whole world, they're going for the same waiting children at the same time.

10:22 Yeah, that's the thing that we all this.

10:25 So is it overlooked is it's not just us waiting right now with people all over the country all over the world and I think the irony is part of the reason we chose this program and we chose China is because it was supposed to be relatively fast.

10:43 And it hasn't been that all.

10:49 LOL

10:52 Now it really hasn't.

10:55 What's up in like for you to to you know have to keep being patient and keep waiting through that process has been like before we got the referral. It's been people who don't really understand it option, which I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through quite understand it so it should be kinder but if it is a really complicated process, but then people ask me who I was your adoption. Why is it taking so long and Ivy like, I don't know we're just waiting we have an agency we trust and they're supposed to figure it out and we're waiting but it all seemed it didn't seem very real until we got the referral and now I would say the excruciating is my feeling right now.

11:43 Super stressful

11:48 I think that adopting well, I mean having a child there's so much uncertainty and then adopting I would I would imagine this. Would be stressful no matter what but adopting during a pandemic in this political climate between the United States and China is extremely stressful. There's so many moments where I just look at the news and I'm like, they're never going to let us go there. No, it's not going to happen.

12:16 And luckily I have Sam to stay more positive.

12:23 And to help me with that.

12:26 It's funny that you say that cuz I'm not.

12:32 Now, I don't know I went when we found out.

12:39 You know, when when when you started sending me those the stuff from Colorado that day, I think you were you were at your conference and I was like just a week or two into my new job and

12:51 It was so overwhelming cuz it's the kind of thing that happens in.

12:57 And and you've been waiting so long and you've been sending money off and you've been doing paperwork and you've been waiting so long. Are you take these courses and you do all this online training?

13:09 And it never comes to anything and then all the sudden it's like here's this little girl and

13:15 Here she is holding the shoes swinging it at the

13:20 And just like I like my life has changed forever.

13:28 And and everything that's on happening right now at the park Put It Go situation and

13:35 And all the crazy people in power

13:41 You just got to hope that that cooler heads will prevail in that more.

13:46 And the majority of people will want to be able to travel again and and that someday we'll get to

13:53 Go over there and meet her after I work out all these scenarios to make it work.

14:02 When I'm not being negative because I I know there won't be a vaccine for covet atleast for a year. And so I really hope we don't have to wait that long and I hope that maybe there will be regulations where you could get a lot of testing and take your temperature. They could pick that thing up my nose. I don't care and I would pay as much as they want him for the test. If they would just let us go.

14:32 I would quarantine.

14:35 I know you would.

14:41 Lyrics our questions are all jumbled Fells.

14:48 What would you like to tell way way?

14:53 If she could hear us talking right now.

14:57 No, I'm already in love with her and I already do anything for her.

15:08 She's already just so beautiful and big in my mind.

15:14 It's just

15:16 Yeah.

15:18 What about you? You must have something better that she turned to January.

15:28 So luckily for her. She's not really internalizing a lot of the pandemic and she probably she may not even know that she's coming home to us someday.

15:40 They might have told her I don't I don't know but so she definitely has a lot less stress than we do about the pandemic and getting this all together. So I guess I I wouldn't need to tell her to be patient cuz I'm sure she already.

15:58 She's just living.

16:01 But I guess I would like to tell her that we're super excited to bring her home and to love her and to figure out what she needs and how we can be a family together.

16:17 I can't wait to teach her to ride a bike.

16:38 So do you have any?

16:41 Cream Germany long-term hopes

16:48 I don't know.

16:51 I think she's home.

16:55 It's really hard to think past that isn't it?

17:00 Tyler imagine

17:02 It's hard. It's hard to recognize but hard to even imagine bringing her here and starting a life with her.

17:16 I feel like we're tempting fate a little bit with that one.

17:21 Yeah, I know.

17:23 I know.

17:26 Yeah, I just hope she's happy.

17:33 Yeah.

17:36 I hope we're all happy.

17:45 What are y'all picture when you when you imagine what it will be like to be parents together and have layaway with you?

17:55 I imagine a lot of mess and and busy and like no more evenings watching Netflix to kill time and very little time to read very little time to myself and I'm so excited about that.

18:17 Yeah.

18:19 I imagine a lot of jumbled stocks and piles of things that both but stops running down the hall when I'm trying to sleep.

18:43 But it'll be great. It's going to be so great.

18:49 I want to play hockey knowing that you have to put in a bag or something like that.

18:55 Waiting for you to get back from a bike ride to change a dirty diaper.

19:03 Yeah, yeah, I feel like so many people have children when they are younger and they haven't had five years to think about it and what it's going to be like they haven't had parent training at least to the extent that we have.

19:27 I mean, I don't.

19:29 I think you were definitely thought about it a lot and I think one advantage will have is that we have a social worker we have resources and we won't be afraid to try to get help if we need it.

20:06 Then what other memories do you think you're going to have of this pandemic?

20:16 The howling

20:21 So because not everybody knows I mean everybody does every time they're doing something for the workers in the doctors and nurses and things at 8 and here in hell and everybody goes outside and howls

20:36 And it's funny cuz you hear it and you.

20:40 And you kind of all of a sudden remember what's going on and maybe you were off in your own world.

20:46 Watching television working in the wood shop or something in and then all the sudden you drawn Back to Reality by that damn howling, so I'm going to remember that.

21:01 Now

21:06 Go ahead. Do I still get nostalgic for the early days of it? Because it was scary but it also felt so unreal that we could start of Sao when this is over or what. Oh, you know in 2 months will go back to normal and it was all about watching mrs. Maisel and

21:24 Just hanging out together and now I feel so much less certain and so much scarier.

21:33 I miss those early days and now everything's been cancelled.

21:42 Maybe we'll remember shaking hair.

21:46 Remember when we used to?

21:54 That might be one silver lining.

22:00 Is there anything you learned from this time that you helped you carry forward besides that not hand shaking.

22:08 Washing my hands when I get home.

22:14 Yeah, you know I probably learned that.

22:19 Just how strong our relationship is Val.

22:27 We've we've done really good just you and me with our new schedule and are working at home together and shopping every 10 days and just how much cooking we do and everything. We're pretty good pair.

22:48 I'm so think of you.

22:51 It's got to be hard on yourself.

22:57 I like how simple life is. I mean, I know we have all this technology, but we have no place to go really so we're just home hanging out.

23:09 Reading

23:10 Yes, although I wish I would have gotten more reading done.

23:27 Play Palace if you know hopefully someday.

23:35 Is there anything you want to tell her now that she's all grown up any words of wisdom?

23:42 Any words, I'm only 43.

23:45 But I'm kind of bummed.

23:49 I think so.

23:52 I'd like to tell her to laugh and not take things. Well.

23:58 I'll beat you serious.

24:05 I mean life is life is hard for everybody. I'm pretty sure of that and I think it's stressful for everybody. So I think as much as she or anyone can do to lighten up and not take it. So seriously is it's a really good really healthy. I wish I had done more of that.

24:28 Yeah, I like that idea to the way I mean.

24:33 Then 20/20

24:35 Your mom and I just slipped through a planned emic and race riots and authoritarian regime and

24:49 In the end wherever you're at now, I hope that you

24:55 I hope you can just take life one day at a time and recognize that there's a lot of good things that happened no matter what's going on and bigger world big world's pretty important. So stick to your guns and make sure your voice is heard cuz nobody's going to be there for you. I mean nobody's going to be there to stand up for you.

25:15 And hopefully a few others.

25:21 A few mothers

25:24 Yeah, but that's not really concise. But that's why I'm loving is important to like what we were talking about at lunch today and how I just feel like life is easier. If you try to find the good in people and the things you like about people instead of drawing about all the ways. They drive you crazy or how they're out to get you or something. Like you just shrug it off. And yeah, I like that person. Yeah, I like that that person does that

25:51 Everything else is fine.

25:55 Just try to approach relationships in people with love instead of

26:00 Skepticism

26:04 Jonathan Ivan

26:07 She had a lot of years of counseling behind me though.

26:15 How would you like to be remembered Sam given that we're going to be older parents?

26:27 Unfortunately Waze not going to know us that well at 40, you know, you knowing that in the prime of Our Lives.

26:37 Yeah, that's true.

26:44 I've never really I don't have an answer for that. I don't know how I'll be remembered or how I want to be remembered.

26:52 I don't even know if I need to be remember.

27:00 How do you want to be remembered? I just want to be remembered for being kind.

27:09 That'll happen.

27:15 I just feel like that's the simplest thing and

27:19 Everything

27:22 No Publications degrees.

27:26 Relationships none of that really matters, if you're not kind to the people you meet everyday and interact with everyday.

27:35 I would rather be remembered for that than anything that I've achieved professionally.

27:45 Who has been the most kind to you and your life, LOL?

28:01 I mean I kind of wanted I wouldn't is kind is that the first person that comes to mind when I think of my husband although?

28:09 You're at he is the most loyal to me.

28:13 I think possibly my twin sister. She has the most empathy towards me.

28:20 And the most understanding

28:29 To my parents

28:31 I'm really lucky. I have a great family.

28:37 I like you, too.

28:40 I think but but there's been occasions when I've interacted with people who have just really struck me is.

28:48 Kind and loving just here and there in my life like like this woman. I met and far Northern Sweden when I was living there an obvious Co she was German and she had me over to drink the rest you're meaner wine. We drink wine together and it was March and

29:10 Is she just had such a positive kind outlook on life?

29:15 Play I wish I'd kept in touch with her.

29:20 I feel like there's been other people like that in my life who just influence me.

29:31 I think of Dave Barnes Ralph smiley.

29:36 No, it's all guys were really nice to me.

29:40 And maybe I was a little lost and confused.

29:44 Kindness

29:48 Maybe I need to be kind somebody.

29:51 Hopefully, that's how I get remember.

29:55 And I turn into some kind of a man who can.

30:00 Help somebody out when they need it. I think you're on your way.

30:05 Thanks, though.

30:18 I don't know if you have an answer for this but one thing that's always amazed me about you when I think about you is how you never get angry at me never and sometimes I'm so angry at you and I'm so frustrated and you never turn that back.

30:38 Why how come you love me so much.

30:44 And you can get so angry at yourself and then other people but never me.

30:55 I don't know how to explain it.

31:00 That's just

31:04 I mean until weiwei gets here. I think you're the most important thing in my world so I don't.

31:11 You can do no wrong, but I can I'm human.

31:15 I know you can just never let you onto it.

31:21 Yeah, I don't want to go to this lifestyle you so pretty.

31:31 Shred some of that stuff off and not let it bother me. Maybe that's what makes our relationship stronger that I know that I can be myself and I totally lose my shit. Was it know that you're you aren't judge me.

31:47 I'd ever judge you I don't so I feel safe.

32:06 What else only use the rest of the time?

32:09 Yeah, you do. Okay.

32:14 All right. What do you have for us in 20 years?

32:20 Yeah in 20 years.

32:27 Well go first.

32:29 I hope I'm still mountain biking Antonio part.

32:33 Oh, that's good. I hope you're still mountain biking to I was going to say I hope we can start getting everyday in 20 years.

32:44 Sure, we won't be too we won't be quiet and tired that I'd be hard but

32:52 Close, I don't know.

32:57 I don't know in 20 years.

33:00 I mean the world has changed a lot in the last 20 years and we need to see where it goes.

33:15 Little girls

33:24 First lady cakes like we should require that.

33:29 Yeah, I was going to actually end of it using lady cakes.

33:34 You have any nicknames for me Valley? Just call you honey with your so cliche.

33:39 The shame I don't have anything more clever.

33:51 San Lazaro story behind your ear nickname for Valerie

33:58 If you want to share.

34:00 I know I don't think it just came to him.

34:03 Kind of like his songs going to him.

34:07 Oh, yeah the song to sometimes I just get something in my head and it has to come out and Lady cakes.

34:19 Cakes

34:24 #cakes

34:36 I wish I had more fun things with you.

34:45 I know we didn't I didn't need you till I was at 8:30. So I had 30 years on my own which is probably good for me, but I'm glad to be with you now.

34:59 Yeah, you're a

35:05 Had having you around these past.

35:08 Almost 15 years. It's been fun 13 years. Remember before we met when I was single I used to move and I used to travel quite a bit and I used to get so stressed out deciding what what my next move is going to be and I would be envious of my friends who are coupled up cuz they at least had someone to to share her with

35:33 But clearly moving with with your partner is no choice either. We've had some of Our Best Bites nice to have someone to talk to you and share it with.

35:49 It is it has you know, that's the thing that I think it's really been.

35:56 Misters pandemic and everything to his house had it had my evenings to share with you and we talked to her everything that happens and

36:12 I know I never get sick of talking to you about whatever it is. We're we're talking about.

36:23 Oh honey, this is pretty comparison.

36:34 You know what hasn't happened.

36:36 Hand hasn't come but they're being pretty quiet.

36:42 I'm so far far away. And anyone else is listening to this. We have two cats right now. They are 12 and one of them usually gets really excited when I'm on the phone or talking on a zoom call, but he's been pretty calm.

36:58 So they won't be part of this interview.

37:02 I fully expected paying to be part of this interview.

37:07 Some licking his butt ones in the back of the shoulder.

37:16 I just waiting.

37:18 Dayton forecast

37:22 No, ma'am. You probably saving it for the middle of the night.

37:30 Well my way.

37:35 I hope when you hear this.

37:38 You still happy to be here.

37:41 You like your mom and dad much as we like you.

37:46 I sure like my wife. I'm not the praying type, but I'm praying that we get there before the holidays.

38:00 Me too.

38:07 I don't think I have anything else.

38:15 Milan again

38:28 I think we're done.