Scott Cesare, Terri Davis, and Maureen Hartnett

00:01 Hi, my name is Scott teaser. I am 51 years old. Today is Friday, January 8th, 2021. I am in Atlanta Georgia. I'm having conversation today with Maureen and Terry and we have been friends for a long time.

00:21 My name is Maureen Hartnett. I am 50 and today's date is Friday, January 8th, 2021. I am in Berkeley Heights New Jersey. I am having this conversation with Scott and Terry and we are friends.

00:41 My name is Terry Davis and 46th. Today's date is January 8th, 2021. I am in Cleveland, Ohio and I'm having a conversation with Scott and Maureen and we're friends.

00:59 So I think we were going to start out each of us talking about where we met our friend Terrace you sweat and how long ago and some background on that. So, I guess since I knew where the longest I met her in 8th grade I had

01:25 We have we have seven days a 9th grade was this together and in 7th grade, I was in one set of classes, but but I was in the wrong section of classes. So when we went to 8th grade, I got moved up and what we call Advanced class was in that group with Me sheet, of course was one of the first people to introduce herself when she was a big personality even even at 14 years old and we kind of got to be friends ever since since I was in fact that group we we were sort of

02:06 Almost cordoned off from the rest of the the class. So we had basically all of our classes together. We might have had PE or arch with the rest of the class, but we're pretty much the same 25 kids that went through all the classes together. So pretty much in all my classes for graduation and we just became friends and stay there.

02:36 So I'll talk about where and when I'm at Terry Sue. I'm at Terry Sue in August of 1988 when we were freshmen at Syracuse University and I would have to say that my my first meeting with her was when I walked in her room. She lived in the room across the hall in our dorm and I walked into the room and

03:10 I said hey, I'm your neighbor and she said hi. My name is Terry Sue sweat as in perspiration, and that was it. She had me in perspiration. I I loved her from that moment on I just

03:24 You know, I for one second if you could talk to Terry when the you for our talk about when you met as in I met you when we were in college, I met you when we did that. Was it a she.

03:39 Oh Oprah talking to her. Yes. Yes the other Terry in the call a okay that clarify it a little bit. Yes. Absolutely. If it's a different Terry than those very different. My apologies. Yes, Mary Sue. She was also completely ignore what I just said that.

04:27 You know, she's introduced herself as Terry Sue sweat as in perspiration, and I just I just loved that. I loved her sort of.

04:37 The he's about her and

04:40 That's the way she just made everybody feel comfortable right away. And there are so few people in the world like that where you just you just know that she's real and down-to-earth and you know beautiful in every way. So yeah that was so she lived across the hall and I feel very fortunate to have had her right there and you know in my first year of college

05:13 So I also have her in my first year of college. However, it was 1992 after she graduated from Syracuse and I met her at Kent State University and she was my Rd.

05:29 I met her in October. I believe during a house council meeting.

05:35 And of course having a name similar to hers that probably drew me to her as well. But she's Terry Sue. I'm Terry. She would never answer to Terry people would call her Terry and I would answer. Yes. We're together. We tarry Jerry and Terry Sue it was it was a riot. To be my friend at first because she was my Rd and some of the RAS thought that was you know, she was playing favoritism because I was around and I was one of her students, but I wasn't doing anything to her to give me any favor.

06:26 But I stuck in there and we remain friends for over 25 years.

06:39 So Scott, why didn't you tell us?

06:43 You know a little bit about

06:46 What made her special is her parents or an interracial couple and in so we were about 45 miles outside of Pittsburgh? So not too far out but in some ways a world away from the city and

07:18 Seeing a lot of times felt like she didn't fit in in any world with her white friends with her black friends. She she fit in with everybody because she was but I think that shaped the way she learned how to handle people, you know, she always listened and she always emphasized because she always felt

07:46 But she was an outsider.

07:49 But to her credit she never she didn't let anything bother her. So I remember in tenth grade and she was running for class president and everyone's up on the stage. They're giving their speeches and then when the parking stock was the last time someone listen to what you had to say and everybody whether they like their or didn't like her or whatever everybody listen to Her speech and she got she lost the election because Steve Argo was being a cute popular and play hockey and she she was going to make a difference no matter what in and that

08:43 I mean she was the same then as she was the rest of her life. She was a friend to everybody and didn't didn't care what you look like where you were from how much money you had who your people were she didn't care about any of that and in high school. That's that's not often how people are and I know that's not how I was but she had an impact on me from from early those early days. He was the first person to explain my privilege to me for people were really talking about that at least in my world. She was the first person to explain that. You know how my world was different from our world and she also was the first person to explain to me how she had to she was raised to to where she had to be.

09:44 Twice as good to get half as far and she said that that is something that people of color know and

09:55 White people don't know until we're told that she was really the first person to to educate me on on diversity before that was really talked about and another thing that she explained to me. Once when I gave her that tired, I don't see color. I haven't explained to me that that was not sit. Well with Will meaning that was not appropriate and I needed to see her for who she was in her struggle so that all of that stuff with me my whole life and

10:40 She was of course. One of the first people that I came out to and that was of course. I miss you hurt growing up her parents garage apartment that they rent it out to people and they rented to two men that were a couple, you know, when the 70s before that was even talked about or even you know, there was no there was nothing never an issue. So a lot of those a lot of my foundation for her for who I am today was she help me with

11:14 Laws of the early years

11:17 You are very fortunate to have known her for so long. I wish I wish I had met her that long ago to your clothes.

11:27 So I would just say that.

11:31 You know, as I said when I first met her it was instant.

11:37 You know love I ate I just mean I love all of my friends but equally there was something about terisu though that

11:47 She was more family to me then just a friend because I'm an only child. She's an only child and we bonded over that and a lot of other things and just

12:03 You know the knowing what we were dealing with with our parents and knowing that we were the only ones who were going to be there for our parents and there was nobody else to lean on for that and

12:18 Understanding the challenges of being an only child and growing up and constantly being sort of in the spotlight. Nobody else to deflect attention to his fine in the Yeah Yeah Yeahs sometimes but not always.

12:39 I'd have to say that every day.

12:43 Coming back till we weren't in any of the same me a different majors in school. So we weren't in classes together in college, but being able to head back to the dorm everyday and walk down that Hall and see her just made all the difference in the world and

13:02 She gave me the nickname Mosey. That's a lot of people call me now, but she was the one who gave me that name and she was when she said it the first time was like look at you and down the hall.

13:18 You know, just how do I download all my books and my backpack and probably snow all over me because I was always snowing in Syracuse.

13:29 But you just made everyday great. Even when you're having a rough time. It was just just had a smile on her face and that smile was so warm and genuine and the last I just I still can hear her laughing and it's it was the greatest sound ever, you know to hear her laugh and you couldn't help but laugh with her because it was so contagious. We just we just have a lot of fun and I don't think my college Years would have been the same at all without her and I think that

14:11 I really do think you're meant to meet certain people in your life and you are placed in a situation and there they will be and where we're lucky for that and we're blessed to meet certain people. So

14:31 He was a true friend to me forever and she even would call it mean I would resent sort of in a strange way. I you know life went on and I had a job that.

14:43 I worked around the clock and I would travel and I was working weekends and nights and I would get frustrated because I wanted to talk to Terry Sue but if you know Terry sue, you know, you have to set aside like a 2-hour block that we have a phone call.

15:06 I want to talk to her. She would leave me a message and I say oh my gosh, I would love to be 3 and 1/2 minutes long messages, but I would be mad because I'm like I want to talk to her, but I don't know where to fit that huge block of time in and then I got married and I have kids and it was like you like that even crazier.

15:37 And I would remember I would like go in the corner of my house somewhere and just kind of like okay, everyone I am I am going to be on the phone right now. So I need I need you all to go away and leave me be for a little while and it would be light out and I still be on the phone to be dark.

16:01 I guess for me. I wish I had had more time to just talk to her on the phone and get this beer all that much. Once College ended we visited back and forth when we could.

16:16 But not enough.

16:18 So we had to travel the people cuz she said the same thing and even when she came to visit one time, we were giving her the whole New York tour. Let's go do all the touristy things and she's like, I'm getting a lot of wax NYC. I told you.

16:56 You got to tell him you got to come here and and stay and you know, so it I just wanted her around all the time. I didn't want to have to talk to her on the phone because I don't I don't love being on the phone, but it was the only way you know, we could communicate once we were no longer across the hall from each other. So so

17:21 I'll wrap up my part there. We want to Terry because we met her during our start of college. So we hung out and it work better when she moved to a different building though. So then it was I was just some other student on campus. So there wasn't this resentment from the aares, but that took a year for her to move to another building. But that was fine. We just hang out she had I think she had a big long grey 2 door, I miss you roll that thing up and down the road like nobody's business, but

18:18 It was fun. Hangout go to the bar go get something to eat or the movie or would have you then she move to Champaign or Urbana Champaign or whatever. It's called in at side of Chicago.

18:38 Fortunately, we remain friends after that, you know people move away and things kind of change but that's not what whatever happened with Terry Sue. She's going to make sure that she stays in touch with people one way or another and I actually went out to see her a couple of times. So I'm glad we were able to do that. And then she come back to see your folks in Ford City and I might be able to I had gone out there to see her a couple times or if she came through town or what have you enjoyed that in addition. I'm also an only child. So when you were talking and relating to everything that you're saying, you know not having anyone else to blame for something or about you know, okay, it's just you and you know, you got to look after your parents.

19:40 Looking ahead what life would be in?

19:45 Having to deal with that and I'm at that point right now.

19:49 Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we're also getting to that age and I I do often wonder.

19:58 You know, I always assumed that she and I would be going to that together. She was so wonderful to her parents and God bless her. I mean that was a challenge for her. No doubt.

20:18 The things that she had to deal with that a pretty young age, you know, where most people are dealing with a lot of things that their parents are much older, but she was amazing and a big blessing for her parents child. I talked to her about that. My mom was an only child and they pretty much have the same. She said she never wanted a brother or sister. She had plenty of friends that I could go talk to you and then I can come home and everything is mine have not having brother and sister or you know more than more than one. So that was actually help.

21:15 She wasn't.

21:18 You're not as spoiled as my only child.

21:27 It seems that I know that that was one of the things that she really she really wanted to do was to be a mother. That was a yeah, right and in the back of that never happened, you know turned out to be a blessing right there cuz I want to leave behind when she left so

21:54 I know her fate was always really important to her and she always knew that there was a plan for her and and she just she had accepted that the plan was for her not to be a mother and I always said why you never know you could talk later in life.

22:11 I think she always knew it wasn't in the cards. And and another thing that I thought I've recently when we were talking about. I always tried to get her to invest in 401K debts were paid. She she didn't she lived at 3 to pay the car off in 2 years.

22:42 So I think something in her soul new and then she you know, she had that sort of Sixth Sense where she could tell when something was wrong to whenever I was a consultant. I was flying I would call her and just to get the all clear.

23:06 I wish she would tell me cuz I traveled a lot and she might say that she never gave me the impression of feeling anything negative when I traveled, but she would let me know that she did it feel anything negative.

23:24 I never asked about it. I'm you were talking about her obviously not being a mom. And that was the biggest thing that she ever wanted in her world, but she was a mother to some just not naturally.

23:51 Yeah, that's six then. She had was pretty amazing. She would call me out of the blue and say.

23:58 I thought you needed me today.

24:02 And I would say bow and I would tell her what was going on. She like see I knew it. I knew I had to call you. I knew something was going on. It was just really unique another very unique saying about her so special and I guess that's

24:20 Will you have somebody so special in your life? That sucks?

24:24 I mean, it's hard to lose anybody right but

24:27 But she was such a beacon of light and just so

24:32 Unusual and unique and wonderful that it they now I think it rocked our worlds or judgment. You can tell them anything other than maybe your own mother and leaving then maybe not.

24:54 Yeah, you can tell her that you did something horrible and she was like, okay. Well that was stupid and I was going to get out of it but it didn't matter if she there was just there was never any judgment whatsoever. He was the only one that could draw me out. You're not telling me how this is how you feel about it and she would pull it out.

25:25 And no one nobody else. Does that can do that?

25:36 That's true. She was very good at that. You're just getting you to talk about things that maybe you were uncomfortable talking about or afraid to talk about or things. You didn't know you needed to talk about she certainly

25:51 Do that and I always told her I think you missed your calling. I think you should have been a psychiatrist or psychologist a therapist because you are gifted so gifted in that way.

26:06 And I guess I always hoped for her that.

26:09 She would follow that because she I truly believe she had a gift and

26:16 I guess I just of course. I'm sad that time ran out, but she she helped everybody in her life and we're all Lucky For That.

26:28 And she

26:31 She's in terms of being a mom. Yeah, I mean that was certainly something she always wanted that was the biggest thing for her. But she did the best with her friends and family and all the kids. She took care of when she was an RA at Syracuse and an RD. So those are her kids.

26:56 I think about all the Christmas presents that she would painstakingly go through. She would she would just buy someone a gift card there would be some sort of a song that you needed that I'm still using the dish towels that she probably because I didn't have good ones and she thought I needed good ones under the present the in the year 2.

27:33 Oh I saw this thing for for my nephew and it's July in the cupboard.

27:43 What do you think? Is there anything if she work if she were still here or came back for a day like what what might you tell her or say to her or tell her? You know, what what would that look like?

27:59 Wow.

28:02 I love you.

28:04 I miss you.

28:09 I think I would apologize like Marine like you said about the phone cousin that is a cup of whole commitment to the phone call site and who has 2 hours to give up till 2 in the morning. I can't stay up till 2 in the morning. So I don't feel like I did enough for that.

28:39 I don't think she wanted us to

28:42 That's true. But I think part of it was just my sort of what she's going to beat it. That's what what happened and then came back again in a different form and well she'll beat that to

29:03 I agree. I think that there was for me the denial that she she's going to beat this. There's just no way she's not I mean she has said she has to get through this and she's going to be fine. And I did the same thing when my dad was dying when he had cancer and I was told there's nothing that we can do for him and he's he's going to die and I was the very last days so calling hospitals and doctors all around the country looking for clinical trials and things that you know, I was not willing to give up and I same thing happened with

29:45 Terri Sue I just

29:47 Wasn't willing to accept that she wasn't going to beat it.

29:52 But she was at peace with it and she told me that in the last time we spoke on the phone and

30:01 I said no. No, no. No, you know, please please don't talk like that. We're going to go we're going to get you through this and you know, I don't I don't think I am she would say, I'm not nosey. I'm not going to think this is going to go away and even tried to get her to come to New York for the second opinion. We never argue about anything, but we certainly we certainly were a little bit she was getting a little annoyed with me when I was pushing to have her come here and I want to take her to Sloan-Kettering if they going to stay with me and you. I'm going to take you to New York just one Kettering and we are going to get this thing dealt with and she was like, no. I trust my doctors doing what I can do. So she's like enough but if she was back, I would give you the biggest hug ever and

30:57 Then again, also Terry I would say the same thing. I love you. I miss you, and thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for.

31:05 For who you are

31:07 When we were

31:11 What about you Scott? Did you say well I got.

31:27 You know, she wouldn't she was never upset with anything. She was never

31:34 You should never bothered by anything. She would never say that she was upset about anything, but just thinking back with the times where I could have made time for a call or I could have you know, I could have stayed up a little later and talk to her while she was sick.

31:52 So that you know, I deal with that for that Kilz if you will about it, cuz that's what a therapist told me I should do and

32:10 I mean I'm certain machine would say it's fine. Don't even think about it, but I still

32:19 Yes, I have that same guilt that I wish there had been something else I could have done and I wanted to come visit her and she said do you know towards the end? I was like

32:36 I wanted to be there but

32:41 She just said she was having too many visitors and she just needed the space.

32:46 She got so mad at me because I told her she was having too many visitors and she was trying to pencil in all these people that never came to see her before and now they want to see her and I was like, why are you so worried about mad at me for saying why shouldn't I want to see these people? That's why do you care if I was trying to look out for her and say, you know take this time and do what you want. I asked do you want to go anywhere Rodeo Drive? Let's go to let's go to a beach. Let's go wherever London whatever and she didn't.

33:30 You want to go anywhere? She wanted to stay there and

33:34 He was her own personal right up till the end of her passing is try to be more along the lines of that non-judgmental just Live and Let Live And if someone wants to do something that mindset that they're they're getting close to retirement age, and she said that she would just love to move to Florida and live in a mobile home park good for you from a long time ago.

34:20 God bless you go do it.

34:29 Yeah, I think you know one of the things that

34:33 You know after her passing, we we were all together at her funeral.

34:38 And we all agreed to keep in touch because we have this very special person in common and

34:47 We are the only ones who know.

34:51 What it was like what she was like what the situation was like and we're bonded together because of her and because we know we get it we get each other now we get

35:04 That we are fortunate to have had Terry Sue in our life and

35:13 We know that we can turn to each other and not be judgmental and sort of see her representative on earth now if we can and

35:26 She was me. So happy about

35:30 I just said still speaking her name right keep her going keep her alive. We're still talking about her you would like that.

35:55 The fact that she planned her own funeral and the party afterwards was this also a testament to what an amazing person she was she didn't want her parents to have to do anything. So she did it all ahead of time.

36:10 Never want to have to bother anybody could be by any of us.

36:22 I had those long conversations to I try and do mine in the car while I'm riding as well. But she would call me on the way home from Ford City. So she'd have that time to talk and I still do it now. Like I want to call her when I'm driving somewhere to have that time because I have the same thing is we're not going to be a short conversation in this world. We live in right now.

36:56 I'm still looking for signs from her remember she was talking about grandparent and I think she said she was a time and I keep looking for something like I know she's here. Like what is it? What are you where are you? What are you trying to show me tonight? I haven't found it yet or us. I'm just not aware of it.

37:24 Yeah.

37:25 I kind of I kind of would I have been I did that for a while and then I thought you know just go rest if she's not trying to show us something right now. That's okay. Take a rest come when you can.

37:45 I guess I think she's here when you know when she comes into my mind which sometimes more often than others.

37:54 What she knows I need to talk to her.

37:59 Yeah, I also miss her misfiring like she you know, cuz she wasn't one to back down. She doesn't want us to let me let me get off easy. So I kind of miss that but I guess I would probably close my part by the saying you know that I am glad we did this for her. I'm glad it is nice to be able to talk about her and

38:28 Anybody listening in the future? She was one of a kind.

38:34 And we should all hope to be half the person that she wants.

38:44 We lost her to cancer but she still with us every day and in our hearts and in our minds and

38:53 She made more of an impact on people in her short lifetime than most people will do in a very long lifetime. So she did she certainly did what you had to do. I thought she we needed her more here.

39:13 Then they needed her in heaven, but I guess that wasn't the case so we know she's doing good things.

39:19 She's doing good things for us now.

39:22 She's busy she is.

39:28 Bringing light to whatever species and with that smile. I swear she could light up a room temperature.

39:41 Talking to everyone. That's great. Thank you, and we love you.

39:57 I love you very very much. Miss you everyday.