Lorie Delizo and Joy Osborne
Description
Lorie Delizo (30) talks with her girlfriend Joy Osborne (30) about their careers in education, their relationship and their plans for their future.Subject Log / Time Code
Participants
- Lorie Delizo
- Joy Osborne
Recording Locations
CJMVenue / Recording Kit
Initiatives
Keywords
Subjects
Places
Transcript
StoryCorps uses Google Cloud Speech-to-Text and Natural Language API to provide machine-generated transcripts. Transcripts have not been checked for accuracy and may contain errors. Learn more about our FAQs through our Help Center or do not hesitate to get in touch with us if you have any questions.
00:04 My name is Joy Osborne. I am 30 years old today is October 20th 2013. Where in San Francisco California and Lori's my girlfriend?
00:17 My name's Lori dolezal. I'm 30 years old.
00:21 Still October 20th, 2013 still in San Francisco and joy is my girlfriend.
00:30 Are you nervous a little bit I thought of was but you want to be when you grow up.
00:50 I'm kind of scared that I'm already grown up is that I don't actually I haven't realized that yet. But since you're asking it makes me feel like maybe I'm not grown up yet. There's still a chance, but I want to be not tired. So when I grow up I want to do something that's fulfilling still and just not be tired and actually have time to do fun things. Cuz right now I feel like I got the I'm doing fulfilling things part down as a teacher, but I'm definitely really really tired all the time. What do you think that would look like when the rain but not tiring fulfilling but not tiring.
01:29 I don't know. It's hard. I feel like it's hard to have fulfillment without being tired all the time.
01:39 I guess what I'm looking for the balance, so maybe when I grow up I want to be more balanced I want to do something that's similar and in education, but still have time to enjoy stuff in like read a book or something. That isn't a book. My students are reading that I want to talk to them about right? So I guess I want time for me.
02:01 Which I don't know how to do that. I don't know. I look at my parents. I'm not sure. I mean one of my parents has plenty of time, but my dad Source a lot. I don't know. I mean he makes time for things that he cares about. We definitely like gets up at 4:30 in the morning, you know and works and might not get home till 7.
02:24 I don't know. I guess I'm a totally sucks. Well, but he doesn't seem to mind. I don't know. I guess it's the way you look at it that I also like it's pure rock. I spend some time with people who like I no longer good workplace that was most important thing I decided to do in my life is that I cleared my life of work and somehow they took like the financial like hit to prioritize their time more. Do you think we're already grown up? Partially? I'm more grown-up than I used to be. I mean will it I don't know. I don't think that I have trouble seeing things aesthetic. I always feel like things could change and I could make something better. So what I think about being grown up, I guess I feel like
03:11 I'm going up for now. And then when I decide on something new I want to work on then I won't be grown up in that sense yet or something. I have Bill that's deep a lot of money to a lot of people but I don't know that I feel like I'm a grown-up means which is interesting that I wrote the question. I don't actually know it being grown up the supposed to signify. I see my parents changing very much still. They're learning new things all the time and many people would say you have adult children. You're probably grown up. So maybe we got a house
03:49 Don't but I just think will feel settled unless we have so much money from Singapore that it's free and clear and ours to do what we will.
04:03 Okay.
04:08 Why am I talking about Singapore?
04:12 Okay. We have a plan to be a teaching couple in Singapore.
04:20 So that we can get paid a lot of money because we're both really experienced teachers. And then what was our plan to like live very neat early off of as little money as possible. And then for two years do this and then come back to San Francisco recovery come back to San Francisco. And it didn't the zombie apocalypse. We can come back with our earnings and potentially by an extremely overpriced house. Is that the plan
04:57 That's what I thought the plan because of that the plan and I'm interviewing a 2.5 kids and a dog in the yard and a picket fence. Does your brother have 2.5 kids.
05:11 I think because they are.
05:14 Somewhat considering how maybe that isn't true anymore. I feel like they talked about potentially having another another kid there. Are they grown up there? Definitely grown up. Are you kidding me? Why do you say that? Why is my brother going up? I don't know.
05:36 I think he's just really settled maybe being grown-up me just means being settled.
05:42 He has like a lot of comfort. He looks very happy. He seems pretty set in what he's doing and is raising children and driving several cars.
05:57 And
05:59 I don't know. He still plays video games though.
06:03 So we'll see.
06:06 Can we switch topics? Yeah, that's fine. You're in charge of the interviewer number to what do you think is your biggest contribution to this relationship? And what do you think? Mine is we have to start with yourself first.
06:25 I think
06:27 That we I think the answer is the same for the both of us. I think that were very different and that difference.
06:35 The difference is that we have contribute to the relationship because it offers.
06:42 A New Perspective on things like I think you are more open to tattoos.
06:49 Yeah, and I thought maybe piercings right? You got your nose pierced, but it wasn't like I was like anti nose piercing.
07:04 I think my OCD Tendencies have opened you up to maybe not living like a slob.
07:16 For some time. Yeah for some areas of my life like this like really small contributions. I feel like I need a name like a life-changing contribution. I don't know, you know more about Filipino culture.
07:40 What time do the relationship?
07:42 I don't know you like learn stuff for me. Come on.
07:53 I don't know. I feel like I've learned more from you in terms of like interacting then you have for me or maybe I just don't know so I don't really think about it very often. What would you say you've learned?
08:05 I'm to take risks. I mean you're trying to get me to move to Singapore for 2 years, which
08:12 I don't think I'd even consider.
08:15 Previous to this relationship at all and I wouldn't even think of moving. I don't I don't like changing things. I like has a hole like I'm a Taurus thing. I like routines. I like the same thing happening over to I like having the same haircut. I like
08:34 Doing the same thing on the weekends. I don't know and I think you've pushed me to try different things like
08:45 Other job opportunities or moving from San Francisco to slightly farther from San Francisco. I also
08:56 I like eat different Smell Ya eat different food. Are you better food?
09:03 And I used to see the same like I mean if I had to fend for myself, I would eat the same like Trader Joe's meal and we haven't even been to try to deny now ever.
09:13 I definitely know more about cooking. I didn't know there were so many gadgets. I don't have them all yet. I know one gadget for month the mixer and the food processor brilliant inventions. I would have never known about them.
09:31 What about you? What about you? What have I learned?
09:36 I think that I spent a lot of time not really in valuing doing the same thing. He has see you fart. Yeah.
09:51 Yeah after I left Miami, I feel like I
09:54 Lost the sense of any particular piece Place being particularly important which I'm still like fighting with obviously even the idea that I came up with the Singapore ID and I'm putting it off so that I can actually think about whether or not it's exactly the right thing is different than the way I would have approached it not necessarily before this relationship but a while ago and your commitment to where you're from and the people around you definitely a good model for a different way of being I feel like I'm always looking. Well, you know, I'll make new friends. I'll get used to a new city and I'll get used to this or that or the other thing.
10:38 And you're like so not like that and it's been good for me, too.
10:46 Actually have to be respectful of that way of being because I think I do respect it. It's just different. I lost it for myself.
10:59 I don't know. I don't know. I don't have that.
11:02 So I would say I've learned that.
11:09 You are so funny. Actually not true. I know who I was before. I have spurts it fits and starts good good and bad exercise X lot of time with you has been better be like you, I like watching. Come on know you are now my my exercise roll. I can't run the way you run. So you mostly just depress me some like oh my God 9 miles. I can't even like drive 9 miles as fast as you run them. It's like a it's a pen tips. I can't I can't do it anymore. Maybe in high school.
12:01 I would say you am funny you are funny, but I'm answering this question. I just want to remind you that I think it's really great.
12:15 What else there are things? I don't know I'm saying what else like I have to like make them up out of nowhere. Yeah, my funny made me clean it you made me cleaner. I feel guilty. If I'm not at least somewhat tidy nowadays. So that's that. You're not funny. Lee really really really funny.
12:47 Yeah, I think I think the biggest thing is just your you're valuing of relationships. It's different. What do you mean you value your friends?
12:58 A lot and your family a lot and like I value my friends my family, but I don't feel the need to show it in my presence, you know by being there or really talking to people very often like I get very caught up in whatever is going on right in the moment and you seem like you have many more constant things that stay the same no matter what the moment it is.
13:20 And I don't know if that's always been my personality or if that's what my personality became, but I'm always thinking about the next thing and you are very good at thinking about right now.
13:33 Good balance, I think so, too.
13:45 That's your question. You should ask it.
13:48 You can ask yourself questions. I'll be the interviewer. What makes you want to know my God what makes you want to commit to this relationship and cheated and I told you especially this morning I know but I don't I don't have an answer. What kind of answer do you answer to a question like that? What makes me want to
14:19 I mean
14:22 This relationship doesn't scare me other relationships have always feel like there's some big thing waiting to happen. That would be really bad or something. And I think I've I've had moments like that in this relationship, but they seem to have gone away just weird.
14:42 I don't know I think.
14:46 And we are like yin and yang a little bit. So I feel like I have
14:51 Face that when I'm with you
14:54 Things I don't think about will be taken care of and vice-versa. We take care of each other.
15:02 We have a dog named I know for a what if we had to do you like the dog sharing man. I know I don't know why I feel good.
15:17 You know, I feel like I've been asked this question multiple times in a relationship by people. I don't really want to talk to you about it like my parents.
15:28 Are your parents asked you that no way kind of I mean the Vermont situation was pretty
15:35 Crazy when I was at Jordan's wedding and they cornered me.
15:40 Yeah, my parents haven't asked me and you can't swim ask you anything. That's sure my parents that ask me anything. I think they just kind of accepted that you're
15:51 Just going to be around. Yeah, that's interesting. I will never forget like it was like the first month. I was here whatever and your Dad's party and he was like a new part of our family. It is like bow at my dad's birthday when he introduced you along with everyone else so they seem cool.
16:12 My parents are are less. So, you know at this point and so when I had to explain it to them, I was like I just I'm I'm happy. I don't know. I don't know what you want me to say. So I guess I don't know what to say. Other than that.
16:29 I feel good.
16:32 What about you?
16:37 I think commitment and a relationship has a lot to do with just me. So I think I'm ready.
16:47 Like I feel like it has a lot to do with the other person and who they are and how you interact with them. But I think also a lot of a relationship is how well you can take care of yourself so that you're able to take care of the other person well, and so I think maybe
17:04 I got a little more grown-up and I'm in a better place just as an individual and so now I'm ready to be in.
17:13 Like a really committed relationship that's for real for real. Maybe maybe real for real for real for real. But then I feel like that answer kind of makes it seem like you could be anyone which isn't true. You got a mean. I like all I'm ready. Now. I'll look a person with a good-timing that's not true though either. Like I think I don't know. It was it's definitely I'm definitely a better place in my life and have like learned a lot. I feel like this is just that whole light turning 30 thing, but I feel it definitely wasn't the right time. Yeah definitely wasn't the right time but I don't know it kind of was what I kind of wasn't cuz it pulled me out of something else.
17:59 And then set me up for when it was going to be like the right time or better time. Maybe I'm just we've been being like internet too much about turning 30 probably being in your 30s BuzzFeed. How do you know you're 30 the differences between 20 your twenties in your 30s? But yeah, I think a lot of it is just who I am now is is I'm such a better partner. I feel like and that made it sucks. You have to like mess up a bunch of times to get there. So sorry other people. I think I was like, I don't know we messed up.
18:37 I mean, I don't think that this relationship has been without its ups and downs.
18:45 But somehow like in the possibility that well then we should just break up always very ready to move on.
18:55 But I feel like I can trust you enough that I don't have to run away. Even when things are in the down as opposed to the up portion. So if we were to have a fight like later today, would you look up apartments on Craigslist? Maybe briefly but still that's why I don't know but I think you know, the number of fights is so different now than it used to be. Remember when we first moved in together and you made me sign those documents from like legalzoom.com. Yeah, it was like
19:32 Super online lawyer documents free trial 30-day trial
19:41 I hope that those papers are still valid. I think they're important to have really yes. You always act like if things were to end it would look into the sunlight like who cares like, I think that would be pretty upsetting and a piece of paper would make it clear and be able to cut out a lot of the emotional like horrible decisions people make I feel like I at one point verbally agreed that you would take the dog.
20:08 Would you like to amend that statement? We do need to add a clause already?
20:16 No, that's okay. I don't think you can trust me with anything. I just felt at least at that point that I did not feel as confident about our long-term possibilities as I do now, but I think part of why I feel more confident. It's because we did move in so, you know
20:39 Chicken or the egg. You know, how do you know which one is?
20:44 Need to get service started as a long distance relationship. Do you think made it weird? What is it? Like you are more unsure because we started out in a weird way.
20:56 No.
20:57 Does actually like the least stress. So way to start out with better. Yes. No way. I think one of us would have done something to mess it up really early or at least that's the way I used to operate a New York and there's a lot of like, you know party fuel decisions that like we just didn't have the the opportunity.
21:20 To make
21:22 I like you just do a bunch of dumb stuff. And then like the amount of things you have to throw up look past or excused so long like the first year more like maybe the first 6 months with someone. I feel like that's when things start to break down a lot of the time and we just didn't have access to each other to mess things up.
21:45 But I don't know. Maybe that's maybe that's silly. I have no idea. Honestly. I don't know any other way to have started with you.
21:53 Other than the way that we did.
21:56 Would like Skype and Gmail.
22:00 Yeah, and like
22:03 Random or Rendezvous in Lake Mary city is awkward inappropriate. Like I know you have a girlfriend so things
22:14 Yeah, that was kind of bad. We don't talk about that.
22:23 Do you want to ask that question was your question? Okay. Do you think we're an Odd Couple?
22:32 What do you mean by odd?
22:35 I think
22:38 Odd in this sense means
22:42 If people were to see us would they think it's weird that were together?
22:50 Regular I feel about other people for so yeah, like I don't know I want to say like Society or something like that. But the eclipse has the fact that we're in the sightings or so many people that we know that are totally fine with I know it's a tricky
23:08 Question
23:11 Artists like even in San Francisco like we're walking around looking like that. Well, so there's the queer thing right? And then there's the interracial thing. There's a lot of like things and you look kind of like a boy thing. I'm really short. I don't how tall are you 7 and 3/4. I feel like regular straight couples that aren't interracial. If one person's like significantly shorter. I always feel like it's kind of funny how funny like you're laughing about it for extended periods of time people over there or is it like no. I'm just saying like when you put into context about yourself like, you know, I think there's a difference between someone who looks and someone who's like deeply
24:11 Sing to the point that it's like sitting with them. And so I guess when you say do you think do you think we're an Odd Couple like in terms of other people? I'm hoping that
24:23 In the places, I choose to place myself like the cities that I choose to visit and things of this nature, you know, it's more like a than sitting with it being like horrified by it on the on the long-term. But I hope people are horrified by us. I don't know. I don't know. I think it's funny like if we mention like if I mention like a Time dating someone her name is Joy. I feel like people immediately start to imagine someone I mean it, you know that that's true for like anything you start to think about who they could be and then will they meet you?
25:01 Baby, like that happens a lot. Don't think no. I don't know. I don't think about it. Like I feel like our okay, maybe if I were to tell my students like, oh, I'm dating someone her name is Joy. Once I got over the fact that I mean I hit the all know, but once I get over the fact that it's another woman. I think they would imagine someone that like looks like me or something and then it'd be you and they'd be like, oh my God, so
25:27 I mean, I'm sure people don't expect to see you. I'm bringing somebody over to meet you or this is her. I don't think that you're necessarily in anybody's mind's eye, but I think that
25:42 I guess I just don't care but that's part of my whole lake lack of commitment to any place or set of people thing. You know, like I I'm able.
25:53 Because I feel like there's always the potential to change where you are and who you are surrounded by and your situation that like these people are having issues. Okay. It do you remember when you had that you're invited over for dinner with your co-workers from
26:13 The private school you working at do you ever that and then I came with you and then like everyone thought I was like 22 or something like that. You're at at Josh's house. Right? I get that. I don't know that feeling that like weirded-out feeling that they have like it's very apparent to me. I guess huh sure that they actually feel the feeling or that you are unlike creating this. Yeah, you're not projecting it or something. Maybe I don't know I think particularly in the bag like I see so many things but I might go out that are odd, you know why we would choose to live here posting before, you know, because 4
27:02 I think it would be hard to really.
27:05 Impress people to the point like, oh my God what it was going on over there. You know, I think that there are very few like totally taken aback reactions. I think about going to see your elementary school friends like child's birthday party, you know, nobody there was like, I mean and you from from from the outside you would look at those people and maybe think like maybe a little weird not like to have me around. Do you know and then
27:38 It's like a non-starter. It's a non-issue. So, you know, there was nothing weird about it at all. I do kind of like being look at that picture that we took with my family and it's like short Filipino person short Filipino person to Filipino children like my mom and dad and then it to you and it just has such a funny picture and I'm a bad way. I don't mean that in like a mean way or anything like that, but it's like that's so I don't know different. Yeah, and it's kind of cool. Yeah. I mean, I think so my siblings, you know.
28:17 Are none of the ones who are dating or in permanent relationships with people are dating anyone who's also African-American, which I think is an interesting phenomenon in itself, but I always think you know once my parents get over.
28:33 There ain't about whatever this relationship might mean in terms of Nino Jesus or whatever like we are like a real life Modern Family, even when I show the pictures of us like in Louisiana to kids at King.
28:52 Play who's that white guy? That's my brother-in-law does look really like my wife or my girlfriend or whatever and then she lives there and the my brother's kids are there, you know that she left my dad my brother's wife. And those are my recent nephews and they don't really look much like me, but they're my family. Like, I don't know. I don't think I think of anything we're representing the future. Well, just the truth potentially of of what our country and what the world really is a man could be if people were willing to be odd. Where are they now babe? I'm like, I have a tear which is ridiculous. I don't even feel like I'm really crying but I just think it's
29:42 If people were less afraid.
29:46 Maybe things would be better.
29:50 Yeah.
30:01 It bothers me to think that people would think there's something wrong just because it's something they don't recognize. Yeah, and I'm not
30:10 Okay with changing.
30:13 Who I am or what I decide to do because people don't recognize it so I don't really care for odd.
30:24 Yeah, I kind of like it.
30:28 I don't know. I guess I like it. I just I wish it was nothing that I had to think about. I guess I don't like it when it's
30:38 Bad, what do you mean? Like if we were to go in somewhere that somewhere else is more conservative. I would not be into being awed by deathly like it like now.
30:51 In this time and place. I don't go places where I think it'll be a problem, but I don't think that if I got there I would feel like the problem was with me.
31:00 Yeah, Sabaton like
31:04 What would be wrong with me just because my location changed nothing.
31:12 Well, I guess this is why I like.
31:15 Kids are so cool now because it's so different like you member when my niece asked us if we were going to Born someone I tell that story all the time because she was like Auntie Joy Auntie Lori. When are you going to Born someone and I can't even think about it that deeply until I told Abby that story and she was like, that's so cool. She's like no idea that it's like it's kind of hard for two women that not hard like it's a little harder for to a lot more expensive and you know, but just like her openness, you know.
31:53 I mean she definitely is like weirdly into your hair. They're all weirdly into my hair like Tessa bad way, but it's definitely you know, I'm like, yeah.
32:10 My hair is frizzy hair in the swag. But I mean even people who look like me or come by my hair because they often don't know what their own hair looks like. I mean, yeah in New York kids used to ask me all sorts of crazy questions and like you do realize your black to you probably have hair looks kind of similar to the king.
32:35 Cuz I asked me questions like what but why does it do this or why did you do that a blackhead today? Like, you know when you put water on it kind of goes like that. I'm just like really I'm sad and it's just saying she's probably at her hair relaxer so long she has no memory.
32:53 So I like that, you know the Next Generation even though they are being ruined by social media and no longer have empathy will at least accepting of people of different identities, but it's true though. I will I also still remember when my sister-in-law had to explain my like gender expression to my niece. My niece says I guess because they were just so convinced I was a boy is a really tough time.
33:25 But then I look at like
33:28 How they are now and it's toy like whatever and like sometimes we make mistakes and then just say sorry actually don't even though it's like I feel very fluid about it.
33:43 Well one day soon one of your nieces will be old enough for you to tell that to should be, Yeah, I'm kind of looking forward to like having a really big grown-up. I feel like that was we talked about being grown up in the beginning. It's feels different to me now since like a word but I want to have like a mature conversation with my with my niece. You know, what is that like a screen? When can I have that identity instead of conversation starter feel like they never stop.
34:13 Nicki so cool. Yeah. Yeah, they're both can be so cool because they've been like exposed to different thing and I want to start tattooing herself. Yeah 14.
34:25 Tattoo I know she's funny.
34:33 What else you want to talk about then?
34:37 I don't know.
34:40 Feel like we talked a lot about family. I feel like we haven't talked about your parents in a really long time really and then we we talked about it here and now it's like on my mind. Yeah, I see what you mean. Don't worry about it.
34:56 I don't worry about are they going to come visit?
34:59 I mean maybe if I can ever get them to
35:03 I think you should have one of them visit. I think you should just have your mom visit. I guess we'll see. I don't know. It's one of those things that try not to think too much about just stresses me out.
35:18 But then aren't you just like avoiding it?
35:22 I would say that I'm not the only one avoiding it a group of voidance strategy. Do you ever get like
35:32 Angry that your other siblings don't have to deal with it. No more like was dead. No, really? No.
35:42 Apollo iPad Mini siblings for a long time and if it wasn't this would be something else like there's no way for parents to treat every child exactly the same vertically when they're five of them. And so I spent my I mean I spent my childhood being upset that my sisters were born cuz I thought it meant I got less presents and had less money for think we're kind of pork. Do you keep having children? Why are there so many people here? They weren't here. Maybe I could have like a nice snack instead of taking a piece of cheese for snack at lunch time or lake.
36:25 Having to use a cup to get water from the water fountain.
36:28 We didn't have anything for so long time.
36:33 I'm so
36:35 I mean things are very different now.
36:40 But to be upset with my siblings for this is like so many things and I didn't have a juice box for years because of them, you know, and it doesn't doesn't
36:54 That's not what I'm focused on and I don't compare those things so much unless I want to make a point to my parents about the way they're treating me in any particular moment, but it's not like I wish you no chocolate and had to deal with more since I have to deal with this like that's not how you know, I want them to be happy and I think we all have
37:19 Work hard enough to be happy. I mean we've changed our lives and so
37:27 That's what I mean. I think that's also my commitment to change is like
37:32 My life is completely.
37:35 Like unrecognizable. I always think things can get better. You just have to work.
37:46 Got to find a way to make it happen.
37:50 So I think things with my parents can change, but I can't be the only one working on it. So.
37:57 Until they sure like they're ready to change and work then I'm kind of waiting and I can't I can't worry myself about it. I mean time.
38:09 It's not worth it. And I also look at friends who are like straight and have like a seemingly much more straightforward situations in relationships and they still have problems with parents. Tell me something.
38:23 Not the best yield well.
38:26 Man, I feel really lucky. My parents like don't care at all has the weirdest thing to me in some ways. But then like, you know, you're someone who is concerned about doing odd and Mike when I'm not with you.
38:41 I don't stick out at all. Yeah, you know most of the time like I think a lot about the Privileges I have.
38:48 But you don't necessarily and how
38:51 Is it going to be cognizant of that? Is it all the like bathroom stories? I've told you about like being weeded out and women's restroom stories that you don't tell me but that I can imagine. I don't know. I don't have to be told everything in the world to assume that I may have babies here in a lot of ways.
39:12 I'm always thinking about that how to make sure I don't do anything to make you feel.
39:18 Weird so working out if working on it with my parents this potentially going to make you feel worse than I know. I'd rather wait until it looked so
39:29 It won't I think you should do what makes you feel good makes you feel good. So it's fine and I miss you right now anyway.
39:44 Are we done maybe?
39:47 Okay.
39:51 Do you think will be different if we were Rich doing it would change us like if we suddenly got enough money to live in this horribly expensive city. No, not just suddenly if we worked hard and found a way to have enough money to live in this horribly expensive city to think having money would change as I keep thinking like what if I did pay off all my debt
40:11 And which had a bunch of money in the bank? Like how would I be different? And how would I be the same be comfortable, but I don't think we'd be different.
40:19 Okay. Well, I hope not.
40:24 Because well
40:27 I want to believe that.
40:29 Money wouldn't change me in horrible ways.
40:32 It's a horrible. I just said change.
40:36 I probably buy stuff for my friends more.
40:39 Like what? I got a Dalek treat about the food or something. I think the only thing that money will do is it'll make it easier to have kids and not freak out about like paying for everything more treats for the dog. Now the dog doesn't eat more treats. I think that would be the biggest changes like we'd actually have more
41:01 Possibilities we could we could afford to wash sperm. It's expensive.
41:16 I just keep wondering.
41:18 What that would feel like to have money enough to not always be worried about how much I can spend today if I stayed at my budget this and that and how much are the utilities going to be if it can be a pain to pay the rent and all that kind of stuff maybe if they paid teachers more.
41:39 I mostly equate having money with having.
41:45 The freedom to have children
41:48 I think I equated with.
41:51 More choices having the freedom to choose what I do when I do it how I do it and I like choice. So I guess I'd like I'd like money if it came along.
42:04 I don't want to end this with money from your talk about the one more thing before.
42:13 I don't know.
42:16 I don't know. Would you send our kids to a charter school?
42:20 Since we work at Charter Schools as teachers, see if yes, you're not the ones we work at.
42:31 Would you like to talk about your first meeting? Maybe your first impressions of each other?
42:38 I thought she was straight. That was the first thing I thought well, I guess we should provide context.
42:47 So we both work for the same charter school network and its Nationwide and we were both part of a like leadership teacher development.
42:59 Program that involved going to different cities because you know, it's a nationwide organization. So the trains will be offered in different cities one so that people wouldn't have to all travel really far. If you live on one coast of our country are also for like School visits and things anyway, so we met up in different cities throughout a school year. How many meetings was it was like it was three at orientation and then one during the school year than one at the end, right? I don't remember anything text. So we were at a workshop and we had to group up and then roll play difficult conversations. So
43:48 You have to pretend to be an upset parent or something. And then the other person in your group would have to talk to you in practice that kind of communication. So we had all these weird dialogues. We like pretend to be different people in a group of three.
44:05 And then nothing happened. We were just in the same group. We were just
44:10 Professionals. So yeah, you thought I was straight. I had a girlfriend. I thought you were really short but yes, I remember you sitting on something you claim. This is not your garage for your clothes. And then later at the happy hour, you said hello, and I was like, oh, hey attractive v-necks looks good on you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm many people does a lowercase v neck on an uppercase V neck. It's true. That was the first impression. I was like interesting than you led me on and I was too easy on well for the record. I was in a relationship, but it was not going well and I think
45:09 The person I was with and I were trying to figure out how to end it but we would just work doing a horrible job.
45:21 And that sucked the other way to describe that that whole transition was horrible here the whole process but we did talk about it later. And I think we can always come to peace with that. We both were like, yeah, it was good. And then, you know, it's time was up and that was good too. And I thought about it not my proudest moment, but you know not mine either life is messy to yes. I will say Joy did hit on me or whatever. You don't have to put them even though you knew I had a girl. It was a whole risk-taking thing. Everything's been changed all the time. I was actually like so I was definitely attracted to Joy to I was trying to like deny it like that. That's fine. I just want to be her friend.
46:11 But I was like totally set in like wild this is just how it's going to be which is totally me. I was like I thought I was going to go back to San Francisco and like struggle through this not healthy relationship didn't even think of it as a possibility.
46:28 Of like anyting changing. That was the first time I inspired you to change but not the
46:35 I suppose.
46:37 Okay, Singapore.
46:41 2015 sorry, that's weird. I don't know I feel like
46:50 You want to add anything else? No, I'm good.
46:58 It was nice that we were both teachers that will nice that we're both do. Or probably one of my favorite things. I'd have to explain any of that for common missions in life.
47:08 Yeah, that was the best part.
47:16 What do you think would have happened if we hadn't like?
47:19 Where would you be now if that hadn't happened? I feel like it was such a pivotal moment. It could have gone because we would we would have so, you know you like getting to Newark you get into relationships with people after like repeated casual contact. You don't even know if that's how you like make you friend stuff. I read this online and so
47:42 We had such like a limited opportunities interact. It could have so easily just like not happened. What would you be doing? You just be in New York? Probably still trying to figure out a way to get out of New York. Yeah, I'm feeling really like I had no money. I had a great life, but I felt trapped in it. I feel like I didn't have many choices because I didn't have any money to do anything or are we still going to have the money but it feels different. It feels like there's potential in you or I just felt like things would stay the same forever and like
48:18 They're okay with it wasn't great.
48:23 So I'm glad I made the jump. I think I lost some of my my willingness to change that that edge in New York after being there for so long and moving here kind of jump-started me again. Looking at possibilities being willing to to make a leap.
48:41 Not eating dairy wants to do I'm glad we did it. Yeah, me too.
48:46 Me too.
48:52 Thanks Joy, Singapore.