Shannon Healy and Sheila Healy

00:00 Hello. My name is Shannon Healy. I am 21 years old today is September 12th, 2021. I am in Wilmington, North Carolina and I am talking to Sheila Healy. Who is my mother and I am her daughter.

00:17 Hi, my name is Sheila Healy. I am 53 years old. Today is Sunday, September 12th, 2021. I am currently in Hilton Head, South Carolina and I'm talking to Shannon. Who is my daughter. So today I'm just going to ask you a couple questions about your mother because she passed before I was born and I know that she passed away because of lung cancer. Correct, crap. So how, how old were you when she passed away?

00:50 So I was cuz they doing the math. I was 24 when she died, so she had lung cancer and a brain tumor.

01:04 And so what was like when you guys found out that she was sick, like, how did that all happen?

01:10 So that happened where she actually the symptoms that she had, first wore were for the brain. She was just having really bad headaches. It was going on for a while, but really weren't sure what was going on. And then they eventually they realize that she had a brain tumor. And so, they did the surgery and they were very pleased with the surgery. They said the tumor was encapsulated, and so she was doing well, but then when they did the biopsy, they could tell whether it's a primary or secondary tumor, which means that the secondary, then it comes from another cancer so they could. So they determined it was secondary, but then they couldn't figure out what the primary cancer was. So it took a while for them to do a bunch of tests that was several weeks and then they finally realize it was lung cancer. And by the time they did that and they try to treat it. It was they realize it was too late and that

02:11 There wasn't anything else that they could do. So we knew that she only had no days or weeks at that point. And how old was she when she passed away to 77?

02:26 Okay, so do you want to just like Tyler describe who she was as a person like what she looks like and like and I like her like 13 like personality traits that she had.

02:36 Sure, so she

02:41 She looked very similar to me, just like Megan looks a lot like me, but she said she had her hair and she

02:57 She was an excellent mom. We had a really good relationship. I was very happy with how she treated myself and and your uncle will, and your Aunt, Kathy, your my siblings. And so she, I try to do the same thing when I treat you and your sister Megan with respect. And if she just did a good job at trying to get that space and not hover over us, but also be there, if, if we needed her. So, she did give us that and I guess then, I think it was a little easier for me, but I definitely was very happy with the time that I had with her. Obviously wish that it was longer and one things that

03:57 Disappointing and upsetting it. She never got to see any of her kids get married. Besides never meeting any of her children, but she, she died actually right before your dad, and I got engaged. So she was not alive to see any of her kids get engaged or get married or any of her grandchildren. So that's a little disappointed cuz I think she would have been an awesome Grandma.

04:24 Do you like notice any traits about her like in me or Megan?

04:31 That's a great question. I think.

04:37 Just like compassion that she has, I think that you and Megan are both compassionate and that probably comes from her which probably comes from me as well. I think that that's probably the the main thing that I can think of with her, but did you guys like ever fight about anything big arguments or disagreements?

05:11 Nothing that like nothing too dramatic that I just remember my other friends. Having I really just having bad argument that we would disagree trying to think if I ever had like

05:29 An argument.

05:32 I just never did like Uncle wheeler and Kathy, I'm get along with her, as well, as you did. Or did they have more issues? I like I said, I think it's fine little easier for me because I was younger, the youngest and, and they were never strict parents. Both my mom and your Greg and Sheamus. They were like I said, I said mentioned to you before like they were pretty easy-going. We didn't have strict curfew like a lot of my friends. Did they?

06:12 Would just have certain rules that if we were doing something that, you know, they needed to know where we were just so that they wouldn't worry and that was way before cell phones. So you can get in touch with your child if you wanted to make sure that for example I had to call and let it ring twice and hang up and then they would know that I got there. Okay, and sometimes I would forget so they would have to call but things like that, but and I think Aunt Kathy and Uncle well, I'm trying to think of any times they would have

06:57 Had any arguments for the most part, I think they did her and Grandad. She must meet.

07:12 You know, if they match through friends of there, so my mom's best friend.

07:23 Great. And then

07:26 I was married to this guy at Ed and so Grace and so they they set them up. I don't know if it was technically because each other but they set them up and that's how that's how they met.

07:59 So then do you I was going to ask you like, what your best and worst memory with her is if there even is a worse one, but like, what's like your most vivid memory of her.

08:11 I just wanted it the most things that I really appreciated about her was when I studied in France during my the summer before my senior year of college it again, you have to picture this is before computers before cell phones. All of this was his 1989. She was really good at, always writing, letters to me. It was such a big deal when we were there, like we do every morning. Everyone would Gather in the living room of the dorm that we were staying in. And we would just wait for the mail lady till I can look at you and be like you have mail, literally like physically mail, not the email and so she I just remember that you do. We sign it? Like, your best friend mom. And that just really meant a lot to me that you was always just making sure she had the time to to write to me. And I don't know if she knew like how much it meant, but she just really did a good job.

09:11 The one thing that I appreciate it at all of my friends were jealous cuz there they would see how many letters that I would get cuz I kept getting letters. So that was that's something that I really Cherish cuz I I know that she was just trying to do that to make me feel better. And so I think I do. I'm pretty sure I do cuz I knew when we just when we moved a few years ago, I had them all. So I'm pretty sure they're still in a crate that it what we have in storage and in our place in Durham.

09:49 Have you like read them read? Back your them? I did like years ago when I was looking at them. Not recently, but I did read some of them. I want to read some of them. They'll be cool. Yeah, so what was it like like after she passed away again. Do you, where are you guys were all older but I bet it was like really hard to kind of coke and all that excited. You guys like as a family like headed you guys like that. That's actually what I was going to say was the worst moment. I guess was finding out how sick she was and that because it was, as I mentioned before work, you know, we knew she had the headaches and she was taking that it was brain cancer, and then she had the surgery and everything went well. So then we had we thought that okay. Everything's fine.

10:49 Wet real? Okay, she's sick, but now she's better and she should be okay. So then we get a week off for a few weeks that are everything was fine. And then since it took so long for them to realize that it was, it was from the lungs and it was it progressed too far. So then they had to that's when we realized that. She only had a few more weeks. Was very hard as we were trying to make the most of it but there wasn't much that we could do because she was already to a point where she was in so much pain and she was hallucinating but she was on the medication and so it was and she was in the hospital for the rest of the time. So we can't really do too much to make the most of it was hard finding that out and then obviously when she she did when we knew she only had a few more days they just put her in hospice where they come.

11:49 The house. So she actually passed away in our house and they they were just have nurses, come and sell. So that was really difficult. And then if it was, it was hard. Like, I felt really bad for my dad, because they were together for over 30 years, and is very difficult for him. But on the bright side, so she her lung cancer was from the fact that she did smoke and that was the one thing that I did not like the bad about her. If I had to say, you know, one thing that I would have changed about her, which I was saying you can't change people but that, you know, unfortunately her and my dad, both smoked. And I didn't like that, I would always go to school smelling like smoke and people probably thought I smoked and said that always bothered me. But but the good thing about it, is that your granddad.

12:49 Quit smoking and so I think that helped him live so much longer than he did it. So he lived a lot longer than then she did and I was really concerned that he wasn't going to live much longer than she did but obviously obviously he did it. So it was hard obviously for me and Uncle will and and and Kathy as well. I just remember, Uncle will being very mean to me and I was trying not to take it personally, but I remember him telling me that I wasn't allowed to talk at the funeral. I don't know. I don't know why he was just

13:38 By taking it out on, I'm everyone. And then obviously.

13:45 He got over that and maybe and I don't remember how long it lasted a baby look like a day or two.

13:55 But I think that it, you know, it did bring eventually after after, he was yelling at me. I did bring me and closer together, in a sense and an auto closer to my dad's because I was always cool with my dad.

14:22 So, when let you know, Aunt Kathy who smokes cigarettes, when did she pick that up?

14:32 Sushi Station and I was thinking of you, I think about this all the time. Like I don't know what when why or when she started. But she started smoking before before my mom. So we were trying to get her to quit because my dad if my, if I could do it and he was smoking, longer had so many different times in so many different ways. I think she's tried every way possible with, you know, she tried cold turkey. She tried the patch thing and it just never sticks for very long. So I know I've never smoked so I don't know how hard it is, but I do know people that have quit besides possible, even think she tried acupuncture and she just never she never does and so she she

15:32 Did start smoking before our mom died. And she just that was not an incentive to her. And I, I don't, I don't know why. And then when I got sick on cancer, but that obviously was a different type because mine was not from smoking. And then they thought will make it from secondhand smoke. And then I was trying to tell her not to feel guilty, but to get her to quit and she even quit at when I was sick, but it didn't last very long and then luckily, cuz mine was working in the exposure Zone during 9/11, which can't believe was the 20-year anniversary yesterday, until my lung cancer was totally different than my mom's. And then, you know, Grand achievements ended up dying of lung cancer. His was different as well because he did smoke, even though he quit,

16:27 And then mine because it was just her being in the exposure Zone, but my lungs were in very good shape. Since I never smoked that in my, my tumor is different, where it was all encapsulated and it didn't spread. So is it it's totally different than what my mom and dad had, but it was going to be another incentive for Aunt, Kathy to quit. Because she did feel really guilty. Like she was thinking that I got sick because of her which wasn't the case and I told her that but I don't know why she doesn't, she doesn't quit if we've all of these people have been trying to get her to quit and

17:10 Please try that. You find a lot of time sheet.

17:16 Okay. Well then just going back to your mom's to come that close up, something, just finish it out. Like if she was here today. If there was one thing you could tell her.

17:26 Like what would it be?

17:28 Well, if she was here, I think it would be great for her just to see her all her grandkids besides you. And Megan, of course, Uncle Wells, three boys. I just said tell her, you know, obviously I miss her, but I I appreciate her. And maybe I didn't always appreciate her when she was still here, and I think she would be very happy with.

17:55 How everything turned out hopefully she would probably want Aunt Kathy to quit smoking if she has anything cuz that's one thing I could change if I could about our family, but I think

18:12 I think that we just tell her that I just really appreciate it her. And it would just it's a shame that she didn't get to me. That her grandkids are, as I said before.

18:31 I think that was pretty much all the questions I had. Is there anything else that you want to say about her? And he

18:37 You think I'm that sticks out to you? Just let you know. I I hope that I was the type of mother that I am the type of mother to you and Megan that she was to me here at United felt like I could tell her anything and I I really appreciated her and I valued our relationship. So I'm hoping that that you and Megan feel that way. So that's just the one thing that I just like to share a lot of her parenting skills into your parenting life. I did.

19:17 You're awesome. Thank you for doing this.

19:20 My pleasure.

19:24 You just stopped running.