She’s taking herself away from us and everybody who loves her

Description

Me: Who was the person misusing drugs in your family?

Sean: Well it wasn’t a member of my family, but it was somebody I’ve known since she was 5 years old, so I’ve know her for quite a long time. It was a friend of mine from high-school, his little sister.

Me: How did their addiction affect your relationship with them?

Sean: Well, our relationship was fine until I addressed her addiction. Now she doesn’t to talk to me as much or what have you. So me finally or acknowledging her issue and trying to be open and trying to help her with it, that kind of put a wedge between our friendship.

Me: How did you cope with the situation?

Sean: Well, since I never was really in that position and I didn’t know what to do, I just felt the best way to do it was to be open and honest about and being straight forward, and thats what I did and asked her straight up and talked to her about it and tried to reason with her and tried to show her that this isn’t the example she wants to leave for her children and tried reasoning with her because I didn’t know what else to do.

Me: Okay. Did they ever steal money from the family to get money for their addiction?
Sean: Yeah thats why I was over there. She was trying to sell her ex-husbands TV to me and I didn’t know until I reached out to her mother and asked if she still had the TV and she said “Thats not her TV to sell”. So, her mother had told me after that she had stolen several things or sold several things that she had no right to do because of her addiction.

Me: Okay. Did anyone try to help them with their addiction?

Sean: Yes. Not just me. Her mother has tried to help her on several occasions. Her brother died from drugs, overdosed. So, you think that might have been an eye opener or a wakeup call, but it wasn’t. And that day I was over there her aunt, and to be honest with you, her aunt was just there to get the TV and I think they’re all at wits end from trying to help her all this time.

Me: Uhh Was there anything or anyone that helped you deal with the situation?

Sean: No. No. Cause it's not really something you go around talking about too much. Since I was never in that position, neither was pretty much anyone else that I know. There was no one to turn to who might’ve even had something that would help me in this situation. I mean your mom is always supportive and she was like “you know you did your best” kind of thing but as far as dealing with the situation itself, not really.
Me: Would you or your family ever help them again?
Sean: Sure. Without a doubt. There’s only one other alternative and you don’t want to see that so ya know, I would help her again in a heart beat and if I see her walking down the street tomorrow, I’d try to talk to her again tomorrow.
Me: Is there anything you wish you could go back and change?
Sean: Ummm. About that day? Or in general?
Me: Umm probably about that day, or you can answer both.
Sean: Well about that day, I wouldn’t have let her leave when she did although I don’t know how I would’ve gotten her to stay, ya know, I do feel bad about that. In general, maybe I’d go back to when her brother died and try to really hammer it home then and then at that time. And knowing what I do now, maybe that was the time to do it, a missed opportunity. But to be honest with you, I didn’t even know she was doing drugs. I knew her brother did you know, but I didn’t think she did.
Me: Uh did they ever get into any fights or arguments with family members?
Sean: Yeah, there was one right there about the TV that day. She fights with her mother and thinks her mother is being a bitch or her mom doesn’t care but it’s the exact opposite. She just wants her healthy and clean and sober you know what I mean? She’s got 2 kids she got to worry about.
Me: Did they ever lie about their addiction to any of the family members?
Sean: Yeah, thats how it starts. Thats how everybody does it. Nobody is truthful about it, which is a shame but yeah, I’m sure there’s a lot more lies that none of us know about now. She definitely lied about it.
Me: Okay and final question here, how did their addiction affect you?
Sean: Well it made me sad, because I wasn’t able to do really anything, it seems that way anyway, to help her. It made me sad, it made me look back at my own nephew, Josh. I’m not saying he was addicted to drugs, but he did do drugs. To the extent, I don’t know because I didn’t know his situation either, so that made me sad looking back over that. I still can’t fathom how anyone can get to that point, I mean I have an addictive personality. I like to gamble, I like to collect things, I have an addictive personality.
me: Mhm.
Sean: But I’m not out there doing crazy weird shit, ya know and stuff that will kill you, the stuff WILL kill you no, there’s no doubt about it. It might not be today It might not be tomorrow but this shit will kill you. So, everyone has their own different way about looking at things. With me I just I still don’t see how people can get that far. I like to hint to Jerry Garcia. When I found out that Jerry Garcia passed away I was crushed. And then when I found out he was still doing drugs, at his age with all the money in the world and all the help at his fingertips because he had all the money in the world, it made me angry. I wasn’t sad anymore, I was more angry because he took himself away from us by doing what he was doing and it’s no different then she was. She’s taking herself away from us and everybody who loves her because of drugs just like Jerry took himself away from us because of drugs. You know what I mean?
Me: Yeah
Sean: It just goes to show you could be the richest person in the world or the poorest person in the world and have the same addictions and same problems. I just don’t know how one gets that bad and that far gone, and I done think I ever will.
Me: Okay thank you very much for answering all my questions.
Sean: No problem.

Participants

• Sean Hoff
  
• Cassidy Hoff
  

Interview By

• Cassidy Hoff