Stephen Astoria and Kelley Marlin

[00:02] KELLEY MARLIN: Hi, my name is Kelley Marlin. I am 55, is Friday, May 20, 1920 22. I am recording today from Tennessee, but I live just outside of Richmond, Virginia. My conversation partner's name is Stephen and we just met here today through Storycorps.

[00:24] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Interesting. So, my name is Stephen Astoria. I'm 71 years old. Today is May 20, 2022. My location is Midlothian, Virginia, which is just outside of Richmond. The name of my conversation partner is Kelley And my relationship with Kelley is. I have a new friend from this conversation.

[00:56] KELLEY MARLIN: Thank you. So I should read Steve's bio, right? Stephen you're 69 years old. You're married with four grown sons and grandchildren. I'm active with volunteering at Feedmore and Covid vaccination events. Thank you for doing that. I also donate my time to candidates who I feel represent my values of collaboration, problem solving and welfare of country. One issue that bothers me is the amount of hate we have in our country. And that hate is driven by our political systems. I have vowed not to use the d word or the r word. And I call everyone Americans.

[01:41] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Thank you. So, I grew up in a small town outside of Nashville, Tennessee. My grandfather was a doctor. My mother was his nurse. My dad was a car salesman. I am the oldest of four children. I met my husband in college. He is from New Jersey. We moved to Austin, Texas, where I attended grad school. And we both worked in advertising until our second child of four was born. We live in Oklahoma, Tennessee, Oklahoma City, Tulsa and Miami before settling in Richmond. Our children have attended public schools, and I have become an advocate for a strong public education. Wonderful. Thank you, Kelley

[02:38] KELLEY MARLIN: Sure. I just want to let you know, I actually live in Midlothian as well.

[02:43] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Good. Hey, maybe we'll get to meet in person.

[02:46] KELLEY MARLIN: No one has ever heard of it, so I usually say just outside of Richmond.

[02:50] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah, that's what I do, too. But since you know about Richmond, I thought I was.

[02:54] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah.

[02:55] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah. So, for of interest, I have a son who lives in Austin, Texas, and I have a granddaughter. My son is family, and I have granddaughter in Austin. So we visit Austin three, four times a year.

[03:17] KELLEY MARLIN: That's more than I get to visit. That's nice. My sister just moved from Austin to San Antonio, so I need to visit again.

[03:25] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yes. Austin is going crazy.

[03:28] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah. Yeah.

[03:30] STEPHEN ASTORIA: They're growing wildly.

[03:34] KELLEY MARLIN: Looks like Midlothian's following their footsteps.

[03:39] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Well, I can tell you Midlothian is doing it, I think, in a very reasonable way, structured way, healthy way.

[03:49] KELLEY MARLIN: I hope so. I have concerns. Yeah. Just concerns about our schools. I feel like, we don't invest enough in our public education. Our schools are old. They need some help.

[04:03] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah. My, Barbara, my wife was a teacher.

[04:07] KELLEY MARLIN: Okay.

[04:08] STEPHEN ASTORIA: So she taught at Salem church elementary school.

[04:11] KELLEY MARLIN: Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm familiar with that.

[04:14] STEPHEN ASTORIA: And not only what you mentioned with the schools, but just the work environment is pretty harsh.

[04:19] KELLEY MARLIN: Yes, it's very hard.

[04:21] STEPHEN ASTORIA: That's a kind word I think I used. So if I can. I've been looking forward to this conversation and meeting somebody new. I've been not speaking up all the time. I haven't. And I've been letting, and because of that, I've been letting friendships not form, or I haven't been gaining an understanding of other people's thoughts and positions. And so I have this interest of doing that, but also gaining some skills on how to do that. So that's kind of what my goal is here.

[05:13] KELLEY MARLIN: I think that. I think I'm a pretty open book about what I believe one of them with like minded people.

[05:21] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah.

[05:23] KELLEY MARLIN: But it is hard to have conversation with someone who believes differently, and I tend to tend to do the same. I avoid those conversations.

[05:33] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah. So this is good. We both have similar goals.

[05:38] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah.

[05:44] STEPHEN ASTORIA: There's some things, I guess, out of reading your bio I'm interested in. You know, like, one of the things I told us to do is read the bios and see other things that you're interested in expanding on. So you moved quite a bit and I moved quite a bit. And you were in advertising?

[06:05] KELLEY MARLIN: Yes.

[06:07] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Can you tell me a little bit about your background?

[06:13] KELLEY MARLIN: I moved the first time to attend grad school in Austin, and I went to UT Austin. Then my first job took me to Oklahoma City, and then my second job took me to Tulsa. So it's all been work. My third job took me to Miami, and then it was my husband's turn, and we've been in Richmond ever since. And I became overwhelmed with trying to be an advertising writer and have four children. So I became a stay at home mom for a while with a little side full of Amazon sales.

[06:43] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Uh huh.

[06:44] KELLEY MARLIN: But, uh. But that's why we've moved. It's all been work related.

[06:48] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah. What did you do in advertising?

[06:50] KELLEY MARLIN: I was a writer.

[06:52] STEPHEN ASTORIA: A writer. I'm interested. What, what does advertising writer do?

[06:57] KELLEY MARLIN: Well, you write the scripts for commercials, radio ads. Yeah. The headlines for print ads, the copy for print ads.

[07:06] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Oh, great.

[07:07] KELLEY MARLIN: With an art director, and you kind of brainstorm and collaborate together to come up with how it's going to look and what the feel is going to be and what the tone is going to be right.

[07:16] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Well, that's good. I was an engineer and I did it. So the written word is my weaker assets. We can do work. I think we would do word. I like to do wordle.

[07:31] KELLEY MARLIN: Oh, I do, too. Yes.

[07:32] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah. But I like to do it as a team.

[07:35] KELLEY MARLIN: Okay. My family is very competitive. We don't show each other.

[07:41] STEPHEN ASTORIA: No, I like that. I did. I was introduced to it with a friend who said, hey, let's do wordle. And so we did it as a team. Yeah. And so I do with my brother and sister. So, yeah. Do you have any questions for me?

[07:58] KELLEY MARLIN: Well, I was kind of interested in your work with feedmore in doing Covid vaccination events. I'm very impressed with that. I'm a big believer in vaccines, and our children are all different ages, and they've all become eligible at different times. So we've been to a lot of vaccination events in my family. And my mom, as a former nurse, I know, wanted to volunteer to get Covid vaccines, but my dad had cancer at the time, able to expose herself because she couldn't bring anything home to him.

[08:30] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Right.

[08:31] KELLEY MARLIN: Doesn't make me emotional. I have a lot of appreciation for the people that early in the pandemic, when we were a lot more afraid and knew a lot less about COVID that volunteered to do the work.

[08:45] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah. So, yeah, it makes me think. Think back what it was like when we did this. So I got, I had a, I had a, I do have a friend who's a dentist, and he mentioned before the pandemic, when it was just kind of rumored, he said, you know, there's going to be a one time national vaccination effort never before done. And people that want to do it can volunteer through the medical reserve corps.

[09:27] KELLEY MARLIN: Yes.

[09:29] STEPHEN ASTORIA: So we were stuck at home for a long time, and I started doing masks, and I got tired, you know, got tired of doing, making masks. And I got to the point where I was worried so much, I decided I had to do something instead of complain and worry. So I signed up for the medical reserve corps and that, and I did it early. So that got, when they first started to open up in Chesterfield, the county vaccination center, I volunteered and I got chosen. There were not many of us, so I got chosen, and we would go down there, like, I'd go down twice a week. And then they had setting up the process, and we had people coming through, and I wasn't a medical person, so I never actually did the injections to people. So I always did the herd control, crowd control, registering people. And I met, doing that, I met a bunch of great people, a lot of doctors and nurses that spent a lot of time vaccinating people. And, you know, the first people that went through were the older people. And so that was every time somebody went through, I thought, well, there's one life that saved.

[11:09] KELLEY MARLIN: Well, thank you for doing that. I just. I think that's really incredible. And it's. That was service to your country.

[11:17] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah, yeah. And then Feedmore, I retired about in 2013, and I had a goal to volunteer. And so the first day I retired, I had a friend who took me on a hike because I'm a hiker. And second day, I had a friend who took me coffee because I golf. So the fourth day, I got on the Internet and I went to volunteer feed. More came up and I got. I had to switch my mind from, hey, this isn't a job interview. I just have to. Places. Feedmore came up first. It got back to me first. So I went down there, they trained me, and I've been feedmore now since I retired for about eight years.

[12:11] KELLEY MARLIN: That's nice.

[12:12] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah, they, they feed them. They used to feed 3000 people a day that need food here in Richmond. Yeah.

[12:21] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah. I've been to the Chesterfield County Food bank with one of my children volunteering before. That's a big place, too. Yeah.

[12:30] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah, it is. Yeah. I. Barbara and I did that once. We went to the Chesterfield food bank and cars drove through when we loaded everybody up with food.

[12:43] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah.

[12:44] STEPHEN ASTORIA: That was quite a production.

[12:45] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah. Okay, so you're talking about influential people in our lives, Stephen

[12:56] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah.

[12:58] KELLEY MARLIN: What values did you learn? Who was an influential person in your life and what values did you learn?

[13:04] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah, I put down three people like my father. And what he did was he. He provided for his family, he and my mom. He worked hard and he provided for us. And that's, that gave me the work drive, the effort to provide for my family. I put down my grandmother, who is a person who I feel at a young age, accepted me and loved me for who I was and gave me time and attention. My grandmother meant pretty much a lot to me and also to all my other cousins, it turns out. And my wife, because she does the same thing, she accepted me as who I am and put up with a lot of stuff to help me grow and keep our family healthy. Did you want to, do you want to share your people that?

[14:27] KELLEY MARLIN: Sure. I mean, mine's similar to yours. My parents are both very influential. My mom. My mom was known by all my friends as good Ann, because she's good person. Well, that's great and sweet and kind and always willing to help other people. Like I said, my grandfather was a doctor in a small town where I grew up. She was his nurse, so she knew everyone, and everyone knew her. My grandfather used to take me on house calls with him. He still did house calls.

[15:00] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Oh, wow.

[15:01] KELLEY MARLIN: And I can remember he had an office in his house in addition to his medical office, where he would see patients after hours. So he was always there for people as well. I can also remember not understanding why once when I was there, someone brought him a sack of vegetables. And my mom said, well, sometimes people don't have money to pay, but they bring him what they have and he treats them anyway because that's what a doctor does. So my mother and my grandfather were both very influential. My father was my disciplinarian, and I had to shape him over the years.

[15:43] STEPHEN ASTORIA: We mean, you shaped him.

[15:45] KELLEY MARLIN: My parents were very young when I was born, and my father came from very strict households, and he thought there had beef and things done the exact right way all the time. And I always told him I was his test case. I was the one that paved the way for siblings that were younger than me. Because by the time my youngest siblings came along, he was a pushover, right?

[16:08] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yep. That's how it works. Yeah.

[16:12] KELLEY MARLIN: But, yeah, they're all very, very good people and very loving people, and that's the kind of parent I want to be.

[16:20] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah. How do you feel you're doing?

[16:24] KELLEY MARLIN: You know, better some days than others.

[16:28] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah.

[16:30] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah. But, you know, I do anything for them, and they know that.

[16:34] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah. So. So it makes me think of your story, makes me think about your dad raising my kids. And when they're small, I thought I needed to bring them up right. So that they behaved well and they did well in school and worked hard and, you know, respected people. And then I'm making this story too long. That kind of caused a lot of pushing, shoving between us, if you want to call it that. And luckily, I was at church, and I heard about unconditional love, so I made a vow to change my parenting style, to be more unconditional loving. And that took a lot of work. But those problems that the kids had, you know, getting their schoolwork done and behavior and stuff, ended up taking care of themselves. So, yeah, your story makes me rethink about that.

[17:49] KELLEY MARLIN: True. There was a lot of that. Like, yes, this is how you need to behave. And I think that that all worked out just fine. And we all, my siblings and I, learned to behave, and we all behave well, but we had to learn how to stand up for ourselves as we got older. That, too, stand up for ourselves. We were told, taught to do as we were told. And I remember my first one in with a college professor where I had to say, I did exactly what you told me to do.

[18:18] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Let me show you.

[18:20] KELLEY MARLIN: You know, and that took a lot for me, so. Yeah, but I. Listen, my sister doesn't have that problem at all.

[18:31] STEPHEN ASTORIA: That's good. That's good. I'm wondering how we're different. I think there's a lot that we're together.

[18:43] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah.

[18:43] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Similar.

[18:45] KELLEY MARLIN: Well, I don't know how we're different. I noticed that you said now not to use the d word or the r word, and you call everyone american, so I think that's great. I am a d word.

[18:57] STEPHEN ASTORIA: You're a d word.

[18:58] KELLEY MARLIN: I'm a d word. But I. I noticed in some of our packet there were questions about, do you ever feel frustrated with the other party or do you ever feel frustrated with your own party? And I can say yes to both of those things. Yeah, me too.

[19:16] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah, me too.

[19:22] KELLEY MARLIN: I don't know how we're different. I guess you're not a d word.

[19:27] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Well, I'm not a d or nr.

[19:29] KELLEY MARLIN: Okay. Are you an I?

[19:31] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yes, I'm an independent.

[19:33] KELLEY MARLIN: Okay.

[19:35] STEPHEN ASTORIA: I was out. Let me tell you how that came about because that's not my idea so much. But I was out canvassing, campaigning, canvassing. And the funny thing is I walked up to the house, and in the back of the house there's a guy working, doing carpentry, like work fixing something. And I thought he was the homeowner. So I introduced myself and he came over and we were talking. I was listening once, and he says, he said to me, you know when you watch a tv show like the news and they interview a senator or a congressperson, they always say their name, and then they put a d or an r there. And he says, why do they do that? I said, I don't know why they do that. Why did they do that? The guy says, you know, I wish they wouldn't do that because as soon as they put that d and r there, you focus in on, you think they know what their idea is. You think you know what they're going to say. You kind of get defensive, whatever. So he says, it'd be just better if they just didn't put the. Do the r word there, and then you might well listen more. And I thought that was great. And so I decided that not only should they not put the didier they are there. I took those words out of my vocabulary, and once you take it out of vocabulary, you got to call people something. So I call them Americans.

[21:15] KELLEY MARLIN: Well, I agree with you. We need to call more people Americans.

[21:20] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah. They just have different needs.

[21:24] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah.

[21:24] STEPHEN ASTORIA: They have different perspectives.

[21:26] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah.

[21:27] STEPHEN ASTORIA: We need every. We need everybody's perspectives and needs.

[21:30] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah. Yeah. And I think it might be more respectful to call people Americans than to call them d words or our words, because those words these days are so loaded.

[21:41] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah. Yeah, they are. So I could. Let me see here. So, we have a question. How our personal values have influenced your political values.

[22:15] KELLEY MARLIN: Well, my personal values are that I believe we should all do what we can to help each other, and I believe our government should. Should have an equal role in that and helping and supporting those who can't support themselves. And that aligns with my personal values, so that that affects my political values. That's one of the reasons I can get behind the democratic platform on issues like Medicare for all and strong public education and not using taxpayer money to pay for private schools. But. But because our public schools are where our neediest children are, and they need all the money that. That is set aside for them not to be siphoned off.

[23:04] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Right? Yep. Yep.

[23:13] KELLEY MARLIN: Your personal values affect your political values?

[23:16] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Well, yeah. It seems so simple and straightforward. I wonder how, like, your views. I wonder how it got so twisted. But anyways, my personal values are. It's honesty, integrity, openness. And by nature, what people want to be tested for is I'm a collaborator. When I think there's a problem, my reaction is to go get people, other people, and solve the problem unless I can do it myself. But if I can't do it myself is to go get other people and solve the problem. And so when I look at our government, you know, basically dysfunctional, there seems to be little collaboration. This seems to be little honesty. There seems to be hardly any integrity. And I don't. You know, I can blame one side more than the other, but I can't. You know, it's. There's just not enough of that. So that's kind of like why I'm an independent.

[24:51] KELLEY MARLIN: Right? So you said you get behind certain candidates. Not. Not necessarily the party, but you get behind the candidate that reflects your values.

[25:01] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah, so I get. Yeah, I look. I look for candidates that are pretty much collaborate, talk across the aisle, work with other people, listen to all their constituents, you know, make this. This government, and this country work instead of dividing it and creating emotions and hatred and stuff.

[25:35] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah. Yeah. And I think we currently have a representative that does that and we won't have her anymore. So that makes me feel disheartened.

[25:47] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yep, me too. Exactly. Yeah. So I've come to look at this thing we call our political system or democracy or what's happening is I look at two things. I look at what I call governance. You know, what's, what's those things that we do as a society to govern ourselves? Build roads, hospitals, schools, defense, justice, safety. You know, one of those things that we do as a society to govern ourselves. And then I look at the other end of that is what I call politics, which is what I call is acquiring power and wielding it against somebody because if you have power, you don't wield it. Not really power. And if I look back and I think about, oh, this person's doing this or that or whatever says this or that or something happens or it doesn't happen, immigration or vaccination or taxes or abortion or anything, I think, well, what's the governance behind that? And then I think, what's the politics or the power behind that? And when I look at what that person gets from power, you know, just becomes clear. And it seems like the power part of this, our government that's not functioning, overwhelms the governance.

[27:41] KELLEY MARLIN: Yes, I agree with you.

[27:45] STEPHEN ASTORIA: And I don't know how to change it, except.

[27:47] KELLEY MARLIN: I don't either.

[27:50] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Except to get people to, as a society, select different people. And then I can't understand why so many people vote one way versus another way.

[28:08] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah, I don't either. I think I just, I agree with you, though, that power is, power is a bad thing. Power corrupts. I mean, we got to have enough power to get things done, but it seems like there's an imbalance.

[28:23] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah. Right off to the side of anger and emotion and right division.

[28:34] KELLEY MARLIN: Right.

[28:35] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Yeah. So, Kelley what do you like to do in your spare time?

[28:43] KELLEY MARLIN: I don't have any spare time, Stephen

[28:47] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Well, where does it go?

[28:50] KELLEY MARLIN: I have four children, and three of them do not drive yet.

[28:54] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Oh, you're driving a lot.

[28:56] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah, yeah, but, yeah, I drive in my spare time. I actually do attend a lot of school board meetings. I mean, and that doesn't sound fun, and it isn't always fun, but it's something I'm passionate about.

[29:10] STEPHEN ASTORIA: That's good.

[29:11] KELLEY MARLIN: I want to advocate for our teachers. I want to advocate for our students. And I was doing that before it got so crazy this past year. So just jump in. And if I had just jumped in, I would probably have run away screaming and crying by now. Because it is something to go to a school board meeting anymore.

[29:35] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Right? Yeah.

[29:39] KELLEY MARLIN: But, yeah. I have a group of mom friends, and we for years have been following school board policy and state policy and local and state budgets, and how do we advocate to get the things our kids need in schools? How do we advocate? So the kids and I, schools whose parents can't advocate, get the things that they need. And we do have to tag team. It's just too much to take on for a lot of the time. Oh, and that's local government. That's not even.

[30:14] STEPHEN ASTORIA: That's not even the. Yeah. So are you just quick. Are you. Are you thinking of running for the school board at any time?

[30:25] KELLEY MARLIN: I have been asked that question before. Honestly, I just. I don't see how I could do it with my kids right now. They have to. School board meetings are at night on weeknights, and so is dance, and so is lacrosse, and so is whatever else they are doing, so.

[30:40] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Right, right. Yeah. It's a lot of work, and we.

[30:44] KELLEY MARLIN: Don'T have family that lives nearby. We don't have grandma that can help take them to practices, so.

[30:49] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Right.

[30:50] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah. I don't know for me or not.

[30:53] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Well, you have your priorities right now.

[30:56] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[30:57] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Don't give up those priorities. So I think. I think we have a few minutes left. So, anyways, I do. I wanted to thank you for signing up for Storycorps.

[31:29] KELLEY MARLIN: Sure.

[31:30] STEPHEN ASTORIA: And us having a conversation.

[31:34] KELLEY MARLIN: What made you want to do it?

[31:41] STEPHEN ASTORIA: I kind of lost my voice meeting friends, expressing myself, you know, listening to other people appreciate seeking other people's ideas and thoughts. It seems like always it gets into an argument or just comfortable, and then you withdraw.

[32:03] KELLEY MARLIN: Yeah, I know. I found out about it from my youngest brother. He had found out about it, and he really wanted to do it. He did not live in a city where it was being done. So I signed up and I got selected, and I felt bad. The good news is he just moved to Brooklyn. So, Ben, you're still doing it in Brooklyn, so maybe he'll get to do it as well. Yeah. He said, I think this is a way to help bring people together. I really do.

[32:35] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Exactly. Yeah. Well, you know, you don't have to do one small step, because StoryCorps has once more stuff for bringing people with different views together. But normally they bring people together. Just family members.

[32:49] KELLEY MARLIN: Yes.

[32:50] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Right. Just friends. So you have that option, too. So I want to thank you very much.

[33:00] KELLEY MARLIN: Well, thank you. I really enjoyed it.

[33:02] STEPHEN ASTORIA: Me too.