"Things aren't all that bad."
Recorded November 19, 2018 Archived November 19, 2018 05:26 minutes
DescriptionMe: Hi I’m Shemar Mathieu and I am here with …
Me: and this is my interview with him. What was your pivotal moment that made you want to change your life?
Jason: I got sober because I didn’t want to… I was dating someone at the time and I didn’t want to lose them. Uhh, you know she asked me to get help, get into recovery and so I did. Um but you know, we broke up like a month later. So, I mean, it was an important relationship, but you can look at it as like I didn’t want to lose more than I already had. Um so, that’s why I got sober.
Me: Okay. Can you remember why you started misusing drugs or alcohol?
Jason: It sounded like a good idea, I was having fun doing it, yah know. Umm, I really enjoyed being stoned and I really enjoyed being drunk. This was a way for me to feel okay with myself, yah know. It was more, I guess I more started using it out off, just the sense of unease that I always had um and smoking and drinking at first definitely help me deal with that sense of unease that I always carried with me. Yah know like a um, it’s like a uhh an anxiety that crawls up your back and make you feel really uncomfortable. You can’t really pinpoint to why your uncomfortable, but you know you are, and you just have to do something about that.
Me. Are there people from your past or people affected who weren’t using, or misusing with you, who you still speak with, don’t talk to, or wish you still did?
Jason: Hmm, that’s a good question. There are people from my past that umm who are sober now that I still talk too. Uhh, I remember this one friend that umm, guess we’ll call him Kyle. Uh I hated his guts when we were partying together. Absolutely despised this kid and I was a year or two sober and then I saw him. He showed up to an A&A meeting and umm I was so happy to see him because he was sober yah know. It was great to see someone I was out there with get help. Another friend of mine, I guess we’ll call him Brian. But yah know I haven’t stayed in touch with him the way if would like to. He hit me up recently, uhh, he’s going through some shit again. So umm, I want to do a better job with staying in touch with him. People I don’t talk; couple of acquaintances, I guess you can say at this point. [People] that I partied with, didn’t have a problem with them. They died recently, yah know witch kind of fucking sucks but I will say this. When I initially gotten sober I cut a lot people out of my life. I just could not be around that and I just sort of, focused on myself yah know.
Me: Have you lost any friends or family from drug or alcohol and did that influence your behavior or outlook?
Jason: Um. When I was out there I did lose one friend. Umm, but the first thing I did was compare her behavior to mine and I sort of convinced myself that what I was doing wasn’t a problem. Still went to the funeral, I mean it’s tragic yah know, I still think about her all the time actually. Umm, I still carry her funeral card with me wherever I go just as a memory or reminder. But no at the time it really didn’t change my behavior or anything like that.
Me: How do you feel or think about drugs or alcohol now?
Jason: Uhh yeah yah know actually I uhh, its funny uhh like if someone asked, it’s kind of bad but if someone’s like “Hey I want try shrooms” I’m going to be like “yeah those are fun” (Laughter) “Give it a shot, give it one go”. But obviously I wouldn’t recommend someone do meth or do heroin. But uhh like there are umm, there are differences between different substances. Yah know, that’s just uhh, got to be careful and if you’re like me you’re fucked anyway. (laughter) No I wouldn’t say you need to start smoking weed right now, I would never do that to someone. Nor would I ever really tell someone that they have to stop. Yah know, because it’s their own business and umm it’s their own journey and I can’t really get in the way of it. But if I seen someone really ruining their life I would talk to them about it. But the simple fact is, yah know, if you are someone that is an alcoholic or an addict and things are going okay for you right now, generally speaking, in my experience talking to them about that sort of thing telling them that they need to slow their roll, you need to get help, umm generally they are going to ignore you. Because things aren’t all that bad.
Me: Mmm. Okay. Do you feel as if people judge you or treat you differently because of your past?
Jason: Mmm, no actually. Umm, I don’t tell a lot of people about it but umm my friends at Stockton, like I’ve told them like yah know about my past and everyone been very supportive like I’ll tell everyone that I don’t drink, I don’t smoke. Yah know, I don’t do anything like that, but I’d still go to parties. No people are generally supportive, and they understand. Yah know they don’t want to interfere with sobriety. Soo…
Me: And that’s it!
Jason: That’s it!
Me: Thank you, Jason for the interview and that’s it.