When did you realize you had a problem with alcohol? “Um probably when I was a teenager” okay what was your home life like then? “Well my home life was I came from a family of drinkers” okay “my father and grandfather both drank and my grandfather was an alcoholic um I had a lot of alcoholism on both sides of my family and my mother's side and my father's side both my grandfathers were alcoholics my mother didn’t drink when I was a kid um she didn’t start till later in life um but at 12 I was um molested by a friend of my fathers” oh wow “and it wasn’t long after that I got drunk for the first time probably I was 12” mmhmm “so that sort of a catalyst for early you know uh introduction to drinking” yeah “I drank to the point of blacking out and having to get my stomach pumped and I went to the hospital and did it again the next weekend which kind of let me know there was a tendency towards you know there might be a problem” yeah “but I had a very close and loving family we were very very close very tight knit but there was a lot of um behind the scenes dysfunction and drinking that went on” mmhmm “but you know I’m the oldest of four um so and my youngest sister and I are eight years apart and so myself my brother were thirteen months and my sister three years and my other sister eight years” mmhmm “you know we were close both families loving and musical families you know a lot of time together my parents my mother was very hands on she was a stay at home mom for most of my life and my father a musician and he traveled on the road a lot” okay um what made you realize you needed to seek help? “Um well that part didn’t come till much later in my life I mean I was drinking what I thought was socially for most of my life and until I after my son was born um which was my mid thirties I was in a very bad marriage and I um started drinking at home a lot and then it became daily and it started to interfere with my ability to you know be a mom and do normal things like go to work you know I was getting by but I was becoming a daily drinker and that did not happen until I was thirty-three years old” okay what help did you get? Okay so my ex husband actually sent me to my first rehab” mmhmm “I went to uh over the course of from the age of thirty-three till the age of forty-three for a ten year period I had been to rehab seven times” okay “um so I first started started when i was thirty-three and I was sober for a year and then I relapsed and tried to get treatment going in and out of treatment” mmhmm “then I got sober again for eight months when uh the summer around 2007 and uh then I just got divorced and then I started drinking again so finally when I was forty-three I became a very very heavy drinker” uh huh “I started having some health problems as a result of it and I went to rehab for the last time I checked myself in” oh okay “and that I’ve been sober ever since and that would be years ago” olay um did you ever lie to someone about your addiction? “Yes all the time” okay um how did your addiction affect your family? “Well I lost custody of my son for a period of time I had to go through a program supervised visitation while i was getting myself well when he was about four years old so that was very devastating” yeah “um you know I alienated myself from my family like my parents and my siblings because they were all active alcoholics and I was getting sober so that meant I couldn’t really spend time with my family because it wasn’t really worth the risk you know I it ruined all of my relationships” yeah how do you feel or think differently about alcohol now? “I think alcohol is the most dangerous drug on the planet even more so than heroin” mmhmm “um and you know very socially acceptable very available and it doesn’t come with the same stigma of using recreational drugs” yeah “and I feel it is a lot more uh dangerous and harder to um it can be for anyone with an addictive personality or nature is one of the hardest things to stop doing” mmhmm “it’s so accessible and not illegal” That’s the last questions thank you so much.