What is Religion to You? With Saoirse Gaulocher

00:01 There we go. Okay. I'll just scooch it right here. Perfect. All right. All right. So do you believe in a higher power or religion? What are your spiritual or religious beliefs?

00:23 I think that I believe in the energy of all things in that, you know, every. Everything, even not living things, have an energy to them and that sort of quality. I am not sure about a higher power. Whenever I was asked that question, I would think, like, something that's, like, physically stronger than me. I know that's weird. That's not like, what it's asking. Like, yes. Like sharks or something like that.

00:52 Yeah.

00:52 But, um.

00:54 No, I kind of get what you're saying. I get that. Just a bigger power.

00:58 Yeah, like, a bigger power. There's so many bigger powers than me.

01:01 Yeah. Okay.

01:02 Yes. I like thinking about my insignificance in the universe, but also I think if I were to believe in a higher power, that higher power would be the power that I create, like, within myself, not one that I adopt from outside myself.

01:20 Okay, very cool. All right. And then when were you first exposed to your beliefs? Did you come to your beliefs through your parents or family, or did you find, like, your beliefs on your own? Who are what made this impact on you?

01:37 I was raised very non religious. I think my parents. My mother was raised Christian, and I don't think she wanted that for my brother and I when we were growing up. So very atheist environment. Like, no God. No, really, like, spiritual connection and all that. And I was exposed to other religions growing up, like Judaism and a little bit of Christianity. But I'd say I got my beliefs from myself and figuring out what works for me. Maybe it's just that I don't want to conform to something, but I really am. It's not for me to adopt the beliefs that someone else has created when they might not work for everyone that way.

02:33 No, it's really individual.

02:34 Yeah. And spirituality is such a personal, intimate thing.

02:39 Yeah, it is.

02:40 Yeah.

02:40 That's definitely probably the most, like, individualistic beliefs you can hold. Yeah. All right. And then do you believe there's an afterlife of some kind? What would you describe it as?

02:54 I do in some way. I'm not sure about consciousness after death, but I believe that our energy lives on. Like, if I die and then I'm, like, eaten by mushrooms or something, then that energy will go back into the earth and go back into something else, and then that way that's sort of like an afterlife, like a continuing part of the energy that is me. I don't think I believe in a heaven or where you're still your body in some way.

03:31 Right. Like reincarnation kind of holding on to your consciousness kind of thing. Yeah, like, it's not like that, but it's, it is just. You're going to turn into something.

03:40 Yeah. I mean, like, yeah. When someone dies, it's like, it's not nothing. Like something's happening there.

03:45 Yeah.

03:46 Like, the major functions of the body cease, but you know what else is there? There's so much more to us than just a body. Like, for a mind, too. Yeah.

03:57 Awesome. How do you connect to your beliefs? Do you practice any rituals?

04:06 I have been getting better at self introspection and spiritual meditation. One of the best ways I connect to my spirituality is to go walking in the woods and feel connected to the greater world and to nature and to my environment. I'll touch trees and get my hands dirty looking at rocks and stuff like that. And I feel very grounded and connected in those moments and as well, smaller or more insignificant than the world around me.

04:48 Mm hmm. That's why I love hiking mountains, because when you're at the top, it's like there's just all these huge, like, mountains around you. You feel so puny.

04:59 So, like, it's so much like.

05:02 It is. Yeah, it's very humbling.

05:05 It is very humbling.

05:06 Yeah.

05:07 Especially, like, climbing a mountain. And then you feel so accomplished. And then there's a mountain that's, like, twice as high over there.

05:15 Oh, my goodness. And then how does it affect your life and perspective of the world around you? Daily.

05:24 I think it impacts the way I interact with other beings, other humans, other. I say earthlings, because I think it's an all encompassing term.

05:38 Nature.

05:39 Yeah. On a daily basis, I like to connect with myself through some sort of spiritual meditative practice. Like sometimes sitting with myself and letting my brain rest. Sometimes, like, doing yoga and connecting to the earth and the ground in that way. Yeah. And I like to think about my reaction, my relationships to other people in that way. In that, like, we're all here because of everything that has existed before us, and so, and, like, we are all existing now, but that is not gonna be forever. And, like, it's like everything is in the moment. I try to live everything as much in the moment as I can, although I sometimes struggle with that.

06:37 I really. Yeah, no, I get that. I feel like I try to do the same thing, but there's, I'm always, I'm always kind of focusing on the future. And then, like, during the day, it's just like, future thinking. And then at night, it's like past thinking and I just flip flop through them all the time. And I never, I, like, have never found a really good technique to just, like, bring it right here. You know what I mean?

06:59 That totally makes sense. Especially the morning. Evening. Like, in the morning, everything's ahead of you. And in the evening because we section things off with, like, the celestial, like, day and night. Yeah, I struggle with that a lot, too. I'm working on it, though.

07:16 Yeah.

07:17 No feeling grounded in the moment.

07:20 It's something I don't think you'll ever master, but you can just get better with it.

07:23 Yeah, I think that's a lot of things in life.

07:25 Yeah. And then has there ever been a time where you questioned your beliefs? What confronted you? If there was a time.

07:39 I'd say yes. I feel like it's hard to put this into words, but if you don't feel right, then it's easy to blame a religion or something.

07:55 Like, like, if things aren't working out for you.

07:59 Yeah. Then it's like, oh, well, like the universe. Yes. Someone has, like, got it out for me out there or something, or some entity.

08:06 Right.

08:07 But, um. And I think since those times that I was like, I do not feel right here and now and, like, with myself. And so then there can't be anything out there because why would they, like, why would they create so much destruction in the world and all that? But the way I've kind of been moving towards in like, my spirituality and, like, evolution of that process is to come to terms with that and that not everything is going to work out or be perfect. It's just about the journey in life.

08:49 No, I have a lot of conversations with my sister because she's delved into, like, a few different religious or just beliefs in general, and she's just turning over to Christianity. And before she was like, energy and astrology and everything.

09:07 Wow.

09:08 Yeah, it was a really big contrast and I can't keep up with her a lot of time, but, yeah, we always talk about, like, inherent good in the world and she thinks because there is bad, there has to be good and, like, vice versa. Like, like, heaven proves hell and like.

09:25 You know, I love that.

09:26 It's really interesting. But, yeah, she, I don't know. Just because there are bad things, it's pretty much what she believes is like, there has to be hell because this isn't natural. Like, this is what it was supposed to be.

09:38 Yeah.

09:38 And it's like, it's really interesting.

09:41 Yeah. Like, you can't have life without death, otherwise there would be no life.

09:44 Right.

09:45 Yeah, that stark contrast. But I think, like, maybe it isn't such a contrast. Like, maybe those things are, like, very close together, the good and the bad. Life, death.

09:55 Yeah.

09:55 Sort of thing.

09:56 Just a cycle.

09:57 Yeah, yeah.

09:59 And then you kind of touched on this maybe a little bit. But have you ever been interested in learning about another religious or set of beliefs that might be controversial to your own?

10:10 Yes, definitely. When I was younger, I went to. I was just thinking about this yesterday. I went to a jewish summer camp, and I don't even know why. I think it was just like, a summer camp that was available.

10:27 Yeah, why not? It's not excluded, like exclusion or anything like that, probably.

10:33 Yeah, yeah. It was a little interesting like that, sort of. Yeah. But being exposed to those beliefs. Not that I was like my mother says, I was interested in becoming jewish at one point, but I don't have a strong memory of that. It probably was true, but, yeah. Being confronted with those beliefs, it definitely conflicts with what I believe now in terms of God, creation. Yeah. And those things are awesome and powerful, but I don't think they're for me.

11:17 Right.

11:18 Yeah. Another time that happened, I used to be very into, like, wiccan stuff. I have so many spell books, which is awesome, but they kept backfiring on me. Like, if I did, like, a protection spell, then I would have a horrible day that day. So I stopped doing it. Yeah. Also, the beliefs that kind of conflicted with that are. There's a lot of femininity in wiccan beliefs, but not so much. There's a lot of heteronormative normativity as well. And that's not for me either. Like, the tree of life and wiccan beliefs is like a man and a woman.

11:59 Right? Adam and Eve or something.

12:01 Yeah. Similar to those christian beliefs.

12:04 Yeah. That's interesting. I never thought about those aspects in religion. I mean, I got worried for my sister when she got it. Because she had it. Because of the gendered stuff in there.

12:17 Yeah, yeah.

12:18 The roles that certain sexes and roles have to take on. Yeah, I don't know, but, yeah, that's really interesting. All right, and then what has proven your beliefs in religion or religion in your life? Was there a certain instance of just like. Like, this is real for sure. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. Like, there is, like, a certain instance where you definitely knew, like, this is it.

12:45 I think so, yeah. Sometimes I go out into the woods and I just, like, lay on a log or something and just sort of like, let myself melt away. And I often have, like, really interesting visions. I remember recently during a snowstorm, I went out into the woods, and I laid down under a tree in the snow, and I stayed out there until I was, like, really, really cold. And I remember feeling, like, you know the feeling when you're, like, swimming or something and it feels like there's just emptiness below you? It felt like that, except, like, the earth below me was like an eternity. Like, I was laying on top of an ocean that went on forever. And I love those feelings. Sort of disconnection and connection at the same time. And they can be kind of frightening, but at the same time, I feel like those kind of experiences prove or, like. Yeah, they show me that in the end, like, the natural processes will, like, take me and use my energy and consume me. And I love that. I love that I'm going to be, like, part of the earth's energy again someday and help with. And give other organisms energy. I often think about, like, trees growing through me. I don't know why I like my rib cage. It's kind of weird.

14:15 No, but that is really cool to think about. Yeah.

14:18 And I love those experiences. And they show me how. How vast everything is and how we can create so much with our own mind.

14:29 Mm. Right. Are you. Do you believe in, like. Oh, goodness. I'm using, like, saying things out loud, and then it happens. What is that called again?

14:42 Oh, like, manifesting.

14:43 Yes. Yes. Do you believe in that at all?

14:46 I totally do.

14:47 Okay.

14:47 Yes.

14:48 Or just, like, thinking about it and just seeing it, like, as it's already happened, because I've heard a lot of that too.

14:53 Yes, I totally believe in that. And, like, my own experience. Experiences, like, you know, if you put, like, things into the world, you're gonna get. You're gonna receive. I mean, you know, something like it, right? Like, if you. If you do it in a meaningful and thoughtful way, like. Like, I ask for, like, positivity and peace of mind and health and stuff like that, but everything can be. Can be drawn to you. The world is just. We're all connected, but, like, I don't think people realize that we are as.

15:37 Much as we are.

15:38 Yeah. There wouldn't be, like, wars and violence if people just realize that. Like, if you imagine, like, what if we were, like, actually connected, like, with a thread to every single person the world, like, you and I had a threat, and I had a threat with, like, every single one else in the world. Then, like, every time, like, someone was in pain or, like, suffering, then, like, we all feel it. That would be like, there wouldn't be any, like, problems and it's like that. It's just not. Not that physical, visceral reaction.

16:06 Right. Yeah. That's really interesting. Yeah. It's not like tangible like that at all. But it's a really good, like, mindset to take on, honestly. All right. And then what was the most meaningful spiritual experience that you've lived through? Most intense.

16:25 Hmm.

16:26 Anything. Maybe a couple. Didn't have to be one.

16:32 What do I think about that? I have been completely, like, utterly amazed by the natural world before. Like, there's a hike near here, I can't remember the name of it. Like many of them, like a 4000 footer. And just, I remember being on that plateau and looking out into the vastness and it's just, there's so much like millions and millions of trees probably, I think, just like there. And that's just one tiny, tiny piece of the world. And in that moment I was kind of blown away by the world that's out there. What else? I also feel sometimes connected to, like, animals and insects. So, like, I remember once I was walking through the woods and I saw an owl. I think I might have told you.

17:44 Maybe it was the same one that I.

17:46 Right, because you saw an owl too. Probably. I mean, that would be really cool. Yeah, we're all connected so.

17:52 Exactly.

17:53 Yeah.

17:54 Check it out.

17:55 And it was like so close to me. Like, like a couple of yards, meters, who knows? So close. And I just stood there for so long and it stared at me too. And then it closed its eyes again and just fell back to sleep or into its meditation or whatever it was doing. And I eventually moved on. And I think about that all the time. Like sharing a connection with such a meaningful connection with something that I may never interact with again in my life. Yeah, but it's okay because you still have that moment. That moment, like lives on forever, right? Yeah, yeah. I love owls. They feel like they're very in tune with themselves. I don't know why, though.

18:48 Well, that's always been like, I feel like owls, you know, are always described as being like, really wise too.

18:54 Yeah.

18:55 They see so much in the big eyes.

18:58 Yeah. And like, where do those, like, ideas about, like. Oh, like certain animals have certain attributes. Like they arose from our observation of them over thousands of years probably. Like.

19:10 Right.

19:11 You see in like, the fables, story to tell, like story tales, stuff like that and. Yeah, I like challenging those. I remember once. Oh, wait, can I share another one?

19:27 Oh, yeah, go for it.

19:28 Another experience I had feeling very, very connected and amazed by the spiritual world and our interconnectedness. I was very young, and I saw a wolf, and it was. It was, like, close enough to see, like, with their bare eye, like, without binoculars or anything. And it was like, was this day or night time? It was, like, really early in the morning.

19:53 Okay.

19:54 And it's kind of like everything else melts away. Like, everything else in your vision just goes blurry except for that one thing, and it feels.

20:04 Was it fear?

20:05 No.

20:06 Oh, my God. Oh, wow. That's crazy.

20:11 It was really far away.

20:12 Okay.

20:13 Yeah. Like, not like. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

20:16 But did it see you? Did it, like, hold a moment?

20:19 I don't think so. I feel like it was me observing it. Probably knew I was there, you know, like, so in tune with, like, their environments. Yeah. And I'm really connected. I feel. I feel very connected with wolves, too. In fact, I'm doing this watercolor challenge where I'm painting a wolf every day with watercolor. That's been really wonderful. All those images in my brain connecting me to those earthlings.

20:51 Yeah. Right when you were talking about laying down under the tree, and you felt like you were, like. Like, just really one with everything. I feel like I felt that before, and it's just like. Like you said, sometimes it is scary because you just. It, like, you don't want to get out of it because it feels so great, but then you feel like you're gonna get lost, like. And I don't know. I just. It really, like those moments. I just feel like you, like, soak in, like, the essence of, like, literally all that nature is.

21:27 Yes.

21:28 Yeah.

21:28 It's wild, and we're a part of nature. Like, we're like any other organism.

21:35 Yeah. Like, we have that in us, but sometimes we just need to go back to get it somewhere else.

21:41 Yeah. Yeah. I'm, like, of the perspective of evolution, that we're living, like, very disconnected from how we evolved and our evolutionary ancestry. We're living so far away from how we are designed to live that we're seeing negative consequences and through those moments. So maybe my spirituality is through connecting to those moments and connecting to everything that's happened before me in that way.

22:12 I do love it.

22:13 Those moments are so special.

22:15 Yeah, they are.

22:17 I wish I could lie in the woods all day.

22:19 I know. Yeah. I always get scared, too, because when I go to think about those kind of, like, really important moments, I feel like every time they change a little bit, like, a little bit fabricated by my own, like, memory, and I always get scared that I'm gonna lose. Like, the original.

22:34 Yes.

22:34 That's where it all is. I don't know.

22:36 I feel the same way. Memory is fickle. Like, things that are, like. How do I say this? That we think about more? Like, every single time, they do get less and less accurate, which is so scary because, like, all those memories are just there, but they're just slightly different. I think about weird reality things a lot.

23:00 Oh, yeah. Do you believe in different realities at all? Like, other, like, parallel universes or, like, realms?

23:08 You know, like, I believe in the multiverse.

23:11 Okay.

23:11 And cool. The infinity of. Is that the right word? Like, that everything is infinite.

23:17 Yes. No, I agree.

23:19 Yeah, I agree. And I also believe that we can create realities within ourselves. Like, you know, our existence is just our senses. It's a story. Our reality is a story that our brain is telling based on the information of our senses. But everyone's senses are different. We. Our brain manipulates them. Like, so it can be challenging to think about spirituality in those sense. Like, how accurate are my beliefs? But I like to think of mine as fluid and always changing, like. Yeah.

23:58 As things all do.

23:59 Yeah. And something static doesn't really make a lot of sense to me. Like, written religious works or something like that.

24:07 Right? Yeah. Yeah. There's one more question. How do your beliefs come conflict with signs? If they do, and I don't know if yours do, I mean, certain. Some aspects, maybe.

24:26 Yeah.

24:26 Just the ones that we can't prove, obviously. Like, the connection to, I don't know, animals, maybe, or just, I don't know, universe.

24:38 Yeah.

24:38 Manifesting things.

24:40 Manifesting things, definitely.

24:42 Mm hmm.

24:42 I don't think that's. I totally believe in it, but.

24:46 Oh, yeah.

24:47 There's, like, not much science behind it.

24:49 Mm hmm. That kind of reminds me of, like, the universal, like, consciousness thing.

24:53 Yeah.

24:53 The connected consciousness.

24:55 I feel like that's.

24:56 Those go in hand manifestation in that. Yeah, a lot of the time. That's why sometimes we don't get exactly what we want.

25:04 Also, like, you know, might be conflicted by other things in other parts of ourselves. I feel like my beliefs conflict more with traditional religion than science.

25:16 Yeah.

25:16 Which I like.

25:17 Yeah. Yeah. That's understandable.

25:20 Yeah.

25:24 Yeah. Would you ever. If there was ever, like, a. I mean, and I know there are, but if there was ever, like, a, like, material, like, meeting place for those that, like, believe in, like, the spiritual, like, would you go. Would you, like, congregate, like, a kind of church?

25:43 That's a really good question.

25:44 Or maybe it would be out in nature.

25:46 Yeah.

25:46 You just be, like a community, just like a space. Yeah.

25:53 I don't know about, like, shared beliefs, but I feel like I could really connect with a group of people with shared values. Like, maybe we are. Our beliefs are that we can create our own beliefs and, like, in that we have shared values about spirituality. So I think I would. Yeah, yeah. I sometimes struggle with, like, interacting with humans.

26:17 Yeah.

26:17 No, that sounds bad.

26:18 No, no, I understand. When I say yeah, I mean, I understand you a lot, especially with this pandemic. I feel like my social, like, I don't know everything. My social anxiety is like. And then I was like, I don't know how to interact that well anymore.

26:32 Yeah, I feel the same way. Yeah. Our generation is so anxious, and I don't like that about myself, but I definitely have that anxiety about congregating in humans and stuff like that. Even if we have shared spiritual interests or values or something like that.

26:57 What would make you anxious if they shared those values and stuff?

27:03 The humans.

27:04 Oh, just the humans just being around people.

27:08 I really, really wish I wasn't, but, like, yeah, humans kind of scare me. They're one of my least favorite animals, I'd say.

27:16 What's your favorite? Oh, I think I know this too well. You have many.

27:21 I have so many. I love wolves and bonobos and dogs, and I like bees. Bees seem so interconnected in their life pursuits, and I value them.

27:38 Yeah.

27:39 I have a bee tattoo.

27:40 Really? That's so cool. Oh, my gosh. Where is it?

27:44 It's right here.

27:44 Right there on my knee. Oh, nice. That's sweet. Is that new?

27:48 I gave it to myself over a break a while ago or something.

27:52 Oh, okay.

27:52 Yeah.

27:53 Cool. Cool. And do you think all of those animals, they have, like, in individual spirits, or is it all kind of just one energy going through?

28:06 I think I have an individual spirit. So then, in that sense. Yeah. A soul, that term. So then I think, yeah, all earthlings have that individual energy, but also belong to a whole of interconnectedness. And through energy, too, like, through the vibrations of all things, everything around us is alive. Even if. Even if it's. I mean, everything is, like, everything is covered with organisms, right? Like, we're mostly not human.

28:45 No, I know. We're, like, mostly bacteria, which is really scary.

28:48 I love think about that. And, like, we have, like, mites in our face and stuff.

28:52 Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I know.

28:56 I love thinking about that.

28:57 Looking at these, the bones, I, like, wonder what's all over them. Even though, you know, there's nothing living directly on it anymore.

29:05 And, like, what. What are these, like, what are these, like, in relation to the people that made up their bodies?

29:12 Right.

29:13 Like, is there, like, some kind of a soul or spirit still attached to the physical remains, or is it just something we leave behind?

29:21 I'm sure this person definitely wanted to leave their body. They were in pain.

29:28 It seems that way.

29:33 Yeah. All right, well, I think that's, like, pretty much all of my interview, all my questions, so thank you.

29:42 Sure thing. Thank you so much. That was fun.

29:45 Yeah, that was really great.