William Munroe and Aria Sequoia
DescriptionAria Sequoia (69) speaks with her friend at Heritage House, William Munroe (82), about their different upbringings and life experiences, from parenthood to love to spirituality.
Subject Log / Time Code
- William Munroe
- Aria Sequoia
Recording LocationProvidence Heritage House
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00:00 This is Aria Dove Sequoia.
00:04 Age 69. Today's date is February 19th 2020.
00:12 Location Heritage House, and I'm talking to my friend.
00:29 My name is William Monroe Munroe i m 82 Live In The Heritage House and a talkin to a person. I like very much who is our friend who I know is a friend.
00:50 And I'm in the in the Heritage House Unit 203.
01:01 Growing up was very interesting and quite different from my friend. I grew up to divorce family, which nobody thought of maybe they fought about giving me the most they could give me and give me the best childhood. I can have grew up in the South Bronx open Queens in New York City go up in Pennsylvania and I grew up in New York City Manhattan.
01:40 It was quite lovely in I had I went to I think my 10 colleges to before I got my degree and only having the access to be able to do that with an incredible privilege.
01:57 It was 10 colleges or schools in the bathroom only 10 academics places in my life, and it's been diction. I love setting
02:11 So excited
02:13 Sounds like it you you told me something that excited me. You talked about you remember at one of our conversations I ask you about your family and where you got your background from and you said it was from your parents and they would do Christian and you got your Christianity was what shaped you thinking and and and I really am very excited by that because for me my Christianity is the bulwark against the world for me I'd is what keeps me functional and safe and it allows me to have the courage to to try to be a positive person. And when I when you told me that it just felt right everything about that conversation felt right because it flashed you out made you more powerful than I had.
03:09 Since you because I liked you but liking is easy but being being safe is nicer and I felt more safe with you because I knew that you had a foundation you can trust a person when you use you always do that. That's the thing that makes me impressed with you is you remember we talked about intellect in power and stuff and in the end I said in is you very very straightforward two people know how smart you are.
03:51 I don't think so because they mistake noise from intelligence. You know, otherwise you'd be talking about the time you confident in who and what you are which I think is absolutely lovely. Thank you very much. I was taught. I know we were talking about our our childhoods and and I grew up and divided Christian family. My father didn't believe
04:36 In the Bible, but my mother did.
04:40 So she trained Us in the Christian way and we went to church and she taught us but my but my father did teach us in his own way Christian principles.
04:58 He taught us how to what was right from wrong and
05:05 They taught us about to
05:08 About the Golden Rule. Basically he was that kind of a man and he didn't he didn't steal. He didn't he didn't covet he didn't.
05:32 Adulterate I need anybody's wife anything like that. He was a good solid man. And that in this sense of the word that God would really appreciate him. What you saying? Give me a picture of you in a way your description of your father is a description of you because you exemplify those principles without verbalizing them, you know, without defending them or you just very quiet and very solid and that is what makes you so valuable is a human being is your presence. I enables other people to draw strength from you know, that's really I really appreciate that. That's very kind and
06:32 You are confused me because you're not that easy to read because I'm so quiet, you know two people know how smart you are and you know, you you are very you are very thoughtful and you said that I don't think so frightening is they should look and see what they got in front of them because you are solid you really intellectually are secure and and you your
07:09 Intellectually and aware enough that you don't have to defend things. But I know you'd be like a beer if you had to defend something. That's it would probably be something about right or wrong. You know, I would I don't think you would be trivial about who what what team won the World Championship would be something solid and that's delightful because I did not grow up.
07:38 In The Limited male enclaves I had them but I grew up and dance and music and photography and I grew up with carpenters and people like that. So I had a hugely eclectic influences when I was growing up and that's why I like you so much because you weigh different than me. That's really interesting. Is it you're interesting to me because I I've never met somebody that has so many different influences and so much education. That's really amazing to me. We'll see that's what that's when I when I said two people know how smart you are because most people have never been able to penetrate
08:27 Me as a person because I could check the certain amount of comfort. I make sure that I'm easy for people to deal with and you could penetrated you use what I've said what he's smart, dude, you know one end and it was that was it you didn't have to do it do it.
08:44 And that's why I am so impressed you because you do have that solidness about you and I think your family was really very giving thing because I I'm I'm very into families and loved from families and respect and growth and and you believe seem very very solid you had you had a good friend. Yeah. They they were good. They were good. There was there was we had some trouble there and in our family has some troubles all family on family Zoo, but there was a lot of good people came out of that timer good people. What was holidays like
09:34 Holidays for
09:37 A stressful because my mother was a real highly nervous person and she would get sick during the holiday season. She's always get sick and it didn't matter what holiday and she would get sick and I would always get worried about her and feel like I had to take care of her watch over her, you know, but we did have holidays we did we did though. We just would still have all day and then relatives would come on Christmas and and Thanksgiving. We would have big Thanksgiving dinners and and so forth.
10:26 But when I got older
10:30 I broke away from the Catholic church, because I could see that they were not following Jesus. They're their Idols in their church and their
10:51 Different things like that. They were not doing what Jesus said and they weren't walking. They weren't walking though. The way Jesus said they weren't going from door-to-door like he did they weren't
11:07 Preaching to people in the plazas and and and from door-to-door and from and things like that like he did every like they just weren't doing what he preached. They weren't living the life that he did. We do sound to me like you did a lot of thinking about your religion and what would make you comfortable and then for the more you lived it and you you you made it a living thing rather than something that I open the book and get on Sundays. I realize that
11:48 Aiea I've been exposed to a few different things when it is a tal the way and end at that reflected my family because they were all different but you could see the core of spirituality in them. And that was always my biggest strength in my biggest protection because I traveled in dangerous places spiritually and so having that religion was always my bulwark and I I could always turn my back on Temptation. I never had a problem with with turning my back on Temptation because I had my family and just the way they presented himself gave me that strength and then I remembered telling people early in my life, you know, you really need to love your family and you need because they'll be your strength and they will keep you alive and keep you growing.
12:48 And a lot of people they weren't so busy being hip and being 20 says 20th century, not 21st century and it says no no, don't let those things for you. You need to to be solid because that will keep you safe. And it's a dangerous place the world's point. It's in a canoe trip you up so fast, you'll always snare you and you without you even realising what's happening snared and you will be caught unawares and you especially young women young women have radon radon very fast.
13:48 Yes, I saw that young people that don't want to burn any Bridges at home. They need to have their families communication really solid and that's really sad when they don't have communications home revolver. But yeah, yeah, at least I did have that. I had a good communication with my father at home in a way are bongs and friends is that we we both relied on our religious religious background and the strength and the love that the religion gave us cuz I know I was tempted once or twice.
14:38 Winter twice and I I was able to turn my back very easily because my family structure was so strong that it gave me this pen and I I could be crazy because I wasn't crazy. I was just safe and I knew that I have a lot of love waiting for me. So it's it's good. It's it's really quite quite a privilege, you know, and my family are so different from me. It's really I'm the black sheep of my family, you know is it's an end yet. They they they love me that accept me and they they I had I had it at one point. This is a long time ago. I had a special place in the ballot. That's Bill. He's he is what he is, you know it in and they think I did things that nobody else in the family ever. Did you know, I went places
15:38 I did but it was it was innocent. I was just curious and I wanted to learn and I wanted to know and I could remember when I was leaving home for the first time. My stepmom fry she was crying cuz we we have a lot of love between this and then my father said don't worry about it. He knows how to work either because that was the metaphor for my father is that could work? I was a good worker and it was it was what we we have in common because he he gave me a lot of he wasn't very verbal, but he he was very demonstrative in the love that he's supplied. He never spent it and my mother's
16:24 5th and full of you know and projected it. So it was it was a good childhood was a good childhood and when I went out into the big world, I wasn't frightened because I had that solidness critical. So tell me.
16:46 Oh, she she was my student. She met me what you wanted. And so here I am. Mr. Cool Mister hip.
17:03 You just passed you just a pushover when we separated. I remember the situation was really funny. Cuz my wife says she's very small and she put her hands on her hips and looked at me. She said I'm not afraid of you. I know you're dangerous, but I give you the best thing you ever had which was referring to my daughter. I whimpered and some is that I'm leaving town because I had I thought that I needed to leave town to stay in control because she could make you flare 13 seconds. She was a very she likes both of us having childhood having a child. Probably change me because up to my child's birth.
18:03 At the firm belief not verbalize but I had the firm belief. I was Peter Pan and I would never get old. And woohoo. Did I find and then and then part of my respect for her came watching her give birth, you know and realize that there was no way I could do that.
18:29 That whole male ego thing about I'm the man you the man until you have to give birth, you know, that's why they make women because they had to delete somebody tough. And I know that when when when when you look at the way child develops, you realize what an impeccably beautiful organization it is because they design the processes that we need to have important to our ability to withstand them and I use the word withstand because they are challenging. Give me can you imagine adult cutting teeth
19:29 Funny get up with a smile and some in decipherable words, and I wish we could you know what they are and I can feel them a magnificent in but they have to be innocent to do that because
19:50 Yeah that I don't know you could never ever do it to me. Do you know any and that's one reason that I respect my work my back my ex because of watching her being mother and I respect my my child because of watching the process it was a good is a good degree to have preschool education was a good degree. Love again.
20:15 Your wife I am not a Charming person. So I have not been in love the kindness and spirituality that you overflow with is is blocked and I've never been madly crazy again. Do you know I'm still looking did you know age is really interesting you you can't describe it till you get there. So consequently, no matter how much the person whose writing about ages. It's hard to give it to someone else who have experienced it because it's it's it's not a cognitive thing. It's not a terrible thing. It's a whole list.
21:16 Magical thing, you know as you as you grow up and I'm using the word grow up about our age as you grow up you have insights and in because I'm because I am a Christian and I love the Lord you begin to realize he's pretty smart.
21:36 And when I watched
21:39 You're getting angry about something in their life. I just feel sad. I see you know, your ego is getting it away because of the Lord is way smarter than us is way smarter than a week. We don't even get close to what he knows. He does he know and and so so when people Proclaim their devotees, I measured by their actions because words are lovely and I love words but actions of really nice always spoke about who you are and she's really quite nice. I'm glad about that because that's
22:28 Well, my love life is always been a kind of a down the toilet kind of thing. It has not been it has not been happy, but it's been it's been an adventure. That's for sure. I married my son's father.
22:56 In 1970
23:00 And he was a sailor man. He was
23:06 Really fascinating man just IQ off the charts.
23:19 Sense of humor that would just
23:25 Make anybody laugh. I mean he was just so funny and
23:32 But he was a good straight man, you know.
23:39 Really? I admired him tremendously admired him.
23:44 And but he treated me like crap.
23:50 Treated me just awful.
23:53 And I don't know why and I just he admits now that he did and he admits that he was awful to husband to me.
24:06 But he and then and he admits that it was a mistake to divorce me.
24:18 He just needed to grow up. I guess I guess that was the only thing I could see anybody you had a relationship with me. It's obvious that you would nourish and give love to anybody that you committed yourself to so that probably he just wasn't ready for the quality that you brought think. That's what happens with man, man. I just thought I'd love I love with all my whole heart.
24:49 And my whole body and my whole strength.
24:55 And with any relationship and
25:03 I get taken advantage of you know.
25:09 When it's not the really the right person and I haven't picked the right person yet, I guess.
25:16 So because I've been married twice.
25:21 And the last time was ended in 2005. So I've been divorced for quite some time. The second time. I was burnt on that one. That guy nearly killed me.
25:37 And I was
25:41 He was a paranoid schizophrenic.
25:45 He almost killed me.
25:47 And so I was
25:52 Yeah, I nearly nearly died being married to that man. So.
25:58 Took me quite a while to get.
26:03 To get
26:05 Healthy enough to even think about
26:09 Entertaining A handshake with another man
26:17 At any rate. I haven't given up on Love & fact just recently. I had developed a friendship with another man in this building.
26:32 After 6 months
26:36 He turns around and yells at everybody in the top of his lungs that he doesn't want to sit with me anymore.
26:48 And was the stupidest thing I've ever heard or seen a man do.
26:54 How slowly the stupidest thing?
26:58 And everybody thought so and he doesn't even know why he did it.
27:06 He can explain to me why you did it.
27:09 But I figure it's his loss.
27:13 Well, you don't mind, you know, I know damn well that anybody who doesn't understand what a spiritual enhancement you are is going to be a loss and end ISM musicians term when they talk about a band they say the band was too hip for the room you just too hip for the room.
27:41 Well at any rate I just I I guess I just don't have
27:53 My radar isn't high enough up in the in the air.
27:58 To pick the right man, but but I enjoy searching I enjoy the haunting.
28:07 Looking around could I save I could I save it may be your radar is to good people but they don't see yeah, that's true. I do. So what I would say very loud because I am older than you I would say very loud is to not give up on your belief in yourself and realize that patience is critical and you will find what you need because you're worthy of it. You certainly worthy of it. Okay to update food stamps to okay, okay.
28:53 Oh, okay. Well I'd like to talk about is.
28:59 How different you were before you had your daughter and afterwards?
29:04 What you restaurant you, what would you know, this is the irony of life was my degree is preschool education. I have a facility and Anna and an empathy with young children. I love them and yet I didn't know what it was like to be a parent and have to have them all day long because when I was working in school the little yellow bus would come and I would I would have kids
29:37 See you tomorrow. I wasn't saying bye bye to my kid.
29:44 And really it really made me realize that this was the real thing, you know, it wasn't like you were in school at school at Afton appoints who I've been stressful but it was a joke compared to being a parent because you had 24/7 and so my daughter help me grow up all my kids that I worked with help me grow up because they were there so many lessons to teach you and some and it was so free with the love. And so I know for myself I I adopt one. The one thing that I thought was superb was I adopted the premise that I would never be involved with a woman that I would be ashamed to let my daughter know.
30:32 That was always my critical concept with I would not go out with anybody that I would be ashamed for my daughter to know so that kept that that that enhance my eye integrity and enhance my because up because my daughter was my everything. I remember when when I took a I took her to vent the Pennsylvania by myself from Seattle and and looked at me and said, you know, you can put her down her feet can handle her weight.
31:04 Because I held her all the time. You know, I just I loved I really I was a late father and I loved it and it was a really wonderful experience and she she helped me grow. But now she's she's incredibly bright and she she thinks she she takes care of me and she's she's really smart and I'm just absolutely thrilled about her intelligence and her skills and she's she's she's basically both of us. She's a musician and she's a scientist is left in my paint. So so she's pretty cool ice. Her mother was right. She gave me the best. She can be the best thing I've ever had.
31:59 Well, it changed me to change me and tremendous amount changed me and the way that I was more selfless, you know, I could sacrifice more of my time and not think of it. I would especially after my divorce. I would I would change gears when I got home, you know, we working this late hour at work and then I would come home and I would switch gears immediately in my head. I would think. Okay. Now it's time for Ben is my son's name and I would think it's time for bed now and I switch gears and I would come in the door and that was it was time for Ben.
32:56 That's it. Block everything out and it's but been a lot of the time Ben was really very difficult. He was difficult to raise because he needed a man. He was one of those kids that he just really needed a man around and so I had a double dose of a whammy when the divorce came. He really
33:27 He suffered tremendously when that divorce happened. He just suffered just awful, but
33:37 I learned a lot about myself through then.
33:44 As a child I learned that that I was I could be selfish.
33:52 And I I needed to cut it out. Knock it off, you know and pay attention to my son more.
34:04 And cuz he's he would he would he would basically sometimes he would I would be watching TV and I could hear his voice in the background Mom Mom Mom. And then I would hear and then I would see his little face in front of the TV mom.
34:27 And all of a sudden it went just hit me. He's been calling me. He's been asking me to pay attention to him.
34:35 He's going to suffer if I don't listen to him, you know, turn off the TV and listen to my son for goodness sake the TV is not important. My son is it if it says it's a forever scene is your sensitivity Amplified situation is that some people have chopped off the big desensitizing so so that they can experience but you've never had the desensitize yourself you've always been open. And so what you were doing was just be a normal intelligent loving person who has a lot of people didn't know what it meant to be but you obviously did and so so I would say to you, please please always think about yourself is a success because you were there and you recognize what you needed to do.
35:31 I hope so because he would turned out to be a very nice man.
35:37 Very nice, man. And I really I really
35:41 Really see myself through his eyes and in lots of ways. I don't mean to ditch you going to choose Armour, but but he sounds like a lovely person who would represent you my only complaint about him. He had a foul words. You've never heard me. Have you don't like it?
36:16 Isomer service time give me another vocabulary.
36:26 Well, that's handy, right?
36:30 I love I love him dearly.
36:34 And we're very very close to lovely. That is lovely. This is a time when
36:53 Do you have any?
36:56 Do you have any particular dream? Is there any particular dream that you have had for you?
37:09 Is very very well educated. She she's a an acupuncturist and she is a musician also and so so so she's an N N. I I think she's she's such a combination between a mother and myself that she's she's really covered a whole lot of things and the only thing I the only dream I have for my daughter is that I desperately wanted to be happy and I don't know how you help. Somebody be happy. Sometimes I think the best thing is that not getting their way and so like I tried to give my daughter as a space that will allow her to find the happiness. She wants she she's she's pretty capable.
37:57 And she said she she
38:02 Is a city girl she's a country girl and she she's pretty happy, but you didn't grow up in the South Bronx against her I said, you know, you're cool. You're pretty cool. But you never lived in Prospect Avenue in the Bronx self is a sophisticated woman and I always with hole that judgment because she didn't grow up in the Bronx you could project dreams on to him because he's so so bright and so malleable.
38:44 He really I think when I was younger.
38:51 And was a young mother.
38:54 What I really wanted for my son was for him.
39:02 To have a life.
39:06 That had all of what he was as a person inside.
39:13 Not what I wanted him to be but what he wanted himself to be.
39:19 That he was born to be.
39:23 Because so much of this life so much of this life.
39:29 Of our of our life
39:33 Crowns us
39:35 In the molds
39:38 And misshapen children and it it it twists them.
39:50 Just like friends since the divorce.
39:54 He got twisted up quite badly for a while and Shake him for quite a while. He was so depressed and so badly misshapen that he had to get some serious help, you know, but he came through it. So you came through the fire, but it was pretty bad. But at any rate.
40:25 Going through childhood can be a true test of a person's character what they are inside.
40:39 And that's all I wanted for him was to be everything that he could be.
40:46 That he was meant to be that's what that was my dream for him.
40:57 Ben isn't all that he wants to be right now.
41:02 But he's getting there and he's he's pretty pretty he's got a band and he's pretty happy with the band and he's he's never really been happy with his work that he is.
41:20 Did he does but his work has like a means to an end because his art is his is his
41:29 Main focus is music is his main focus in life. And so that's kind of
41:39 Where he gets his energy?
41:47 But he would like to have a better job to be able to get more money to.
41:53 Get into his music more to be able to afford to be on the road Warner and things like that, you know, but
42:04 He just has to kind of.
42:08 Take things as they go.
42:11 But he's doing really well. He's doing really well. We're friends and you talk about you and the things he's concerned with of the things I was concerned with because I'm a musician and I went through the same thing about wanting to play and you don't want him to have a group in all living things. So I got my heart is beating because I sort of know a little bit about the struggle and and hair again. Yui, your sensitivity in your love is is is relevant and I'm the one thing I know about you and I I don't have any reason or knowledge is that you do not get in his way. No. I know they knew that that you you you
43:03 Give him the respect of being a person and yes, but you do want him to be a good person. Yeah. Yeah that that is.
43:22 Here at this coming ality. It's almost like they gather like Souls when they put his here because we have we have said so many nice people to talk to be quite lovely and you you can get serious, you know, I was in another place and you get there or nothing serious was hey, did you see the football game?
43:49 So so it's it's it's it's what you say is is is is loving and I don't you know, I I'd like to think I have Solutions, but I have none and no nothing. I could say would be that you know, I guess he knows that you love him and you want him to be successful.
44:10 He will be I will be I love it to a musician and we mention the fact that you don't see musicians retiring what they do, you know when you hear somebody who's who still playing in the major leagues, you know, I know I've been selfish. That's my selfishness in my my life is my music.
44:49 Yep, so Lisa you are my twin.
44:56 Much prettier twin
44:59 Well, that's a nice. That's a nice twin. I'm I'm I'm flattered With Friends.