Kindra Brown and Xena Bunce

00:01 Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm doing good.

00:07 So my name is Xena I'm going to be interviewing you today.

00:10 Okay. Hi, Xena Nice to meet you.

00:15 And then. So if you could just tell me about yourself and kind of where you come from.

00:22 Okay. I'm Kindra Brown. I'm 35 years old. I'll be 36 in October. 24, to be exact. I live in Ronda Robbins, Georgia. Been here pretty much all my life. I came from Byron country, little town. I have one son. He's 16. He's my everything. Best thing that ever happened to me, I promise you. Let's see. I was a high school dropout. I got pregnant when I was 18, and I didn't. Well, I didn't continue school because I had a real tough pregnancy, and I beat myself up about it for a while. But in 2019, 2018, after just going through this type of stuff that I went through, I wanted to better myself, and I wanted to make a positive example for my son, to let him know that, you know, it's never too late to give up on your dreams. Elaine Lucas Home High School in Macon, Georgia. I did it for you because I had most of my credits, but, you know, I just. Yeah. So I ended up going to her. I think I only needed, like, three or four credits to get my high school diploma. So, January of 2019, I graduated from her academy, got my high school diploma, and I attended central Georgia tech. My work background was mainly in early childhood education. I did that for a long time, just working with kids. And when Covid hit, I just want to do something different because I felt like it really wasn't no money there. And then with me not having a degree made it even worse. Oh. I changed career paths and went to division of child support services. I've been there for two years, and. And I am currently pursuing. Well, I changed my degree because I was doing human services, but I really want to still work with kids. But I want to work with kids, like, they need foster parents or placing them in homes and stuff like that. I also want to be a mentor for girls who probably experienced, like, domestic violence or, you know, neglect and abuse from, you know, family, friends or, you know, whoever. Um, that's a touchy subject for me because I've had. I've been through a domestic violence, um, relationship back in 2012, 2013, and it's really an eye opener. Like, it made me just look at life a whole lot different. So I want to be able to be that person that a year, a young girl can come to, you know, for guidance or, you know, just to talk or just to have a shoulder to lean on. I just want to be that mentor for them. So I changed my major to psychology recently because, I mean, that I just want to be able to help young battered girls or even young battered women. Like, you know, I'm really not that old, but I have, you know, I have experienced some things growing up. Like, my mom was in an abusive marriage. So it's just like, I don't wanna. I don't want to see nobody else go through that, you know? So. But enough about me. My son, my son, my son, he's a straight a plus student. He's 16. He's. He has his first job. He works at Kroger. And he's just a great kid. Like, overall, I want more kids, but he told me I was too old, so it just gonna be him. I guess so. But I have a brother. He is 39. I'm the baby. He also lives in Ronda Robbins. My mother stays in Ronda Robbins, too. I'm a spoiled child, is what they tell me. I don't see it, but I come from a big family. My grandma had 18 kids. Wow. Yeah. She had eleven boys and seven girls. Tough woman. Who you telling? Ten times. And here I am. I want to do it one more time, but, oh, Lord. But my grandma was my best friend. She passed away in 2018. She had pancreas cancer. And I think I'm the favorite. I was a favorite grandchild. My grandmother, she bought my first cardinal. Wow. Yes. And like, her kids was hating, like, how's she gonna buy you a car? And she didn't buy meat. Like, cuz I'm the favorite grandchild, like, or whatever. Obvious. But I was a grandma. I was a grandma kid. Like, anything my grandma needed me to do, I did it. And I think that's why, you know, I took her passing real hard. But, yeah, that's her the background, but I forgot that picture was up there. Oh. But, yeah, so, um. But other than that, yeah, that's pretty much about me. I'm just. I'm a homebody. I want to get married one day and I want to have more kids. I just got to get out the house to do it. They always say, oh, well, you're good luck with finding somebody because you in the house all the time. So they cross their breach when it's time.

06:54 Mm hmm.

06:55 Not russian, cuz nowadays. And it kind of like, spooks me out.

07:02 Mm hmm.

07:04 It's like I want to take my time. I don't want to rush and, like, you know, try to date anyway because my. My previous boyfriend passed away in June of last year. Wow. Is. We dated for seven years. He had health issues, and it's kind of like I'm still trying to heal from that process.

07:30 Mm hmm.

07:32 But, yeah, it's just a lot. But, you know, I just take it one day at a time and just try to get through it all day by day. But I'm a happy go lucky person. I'm not a mop where I'm always happy. They call me bubbly at work. They call me bubbly and sunflowers because I love sunflowers. But like I said, I love to help people. I try to help people. I don't like to see people go through stuff, but, like I said, it's life. We don't go through things because I go through things myself. But, you know, I just try to stay positive, not only for myself, but for, like, others around me, even, like, people in my surroundings, my family, my friends, my coworkers. Like, I'm just me. I'm just me.

08:21 Absolutely. And, you know, it sounds like you're doing, like, a great job. You know, it sounds amazing. You're in, you know, you're pursuing higher education now. You've got a son who has straight a's, who's doing well. He's gotten his own job, you know, and he's only 16.

08:40 Only 16.

08:41 Incredible.

08:43 I didn't even want him to work. Like, the first day I dropped him off, I cried because, you know, it's like. Like, I'm a firm believer of prayer. Like, I believe in God, and I'm just like, I really did not want my son to work because I wanted him to focus on school, and. And he was like, but I. His thing is, mama, I want to help you. I don't want you to struggle. And I'm like, you're a kid. Like, you don't need to be paying bills. Like, I want you to focus on school. Like, this. This is what you're supposed to be doing. You don't supposed to be worried about bills and this and that. And it's like he has this thing now. Like, I try to make him, like, buy himself stuff, what he still want me to buy. He want to save his money.

09:37 Of course.

09:38 He sees this tv light when I say he's into technology. He wants to be on the geek squad if I. That's all he talk about. He's into computer, electronics, tvs, but he's saving his money because there's a 3000 some dollar tv at best buy that he want to get. You know, like not saying, not saying my child isn't normal, but most normal kids save up their money to buy a car, right. I save enough to get a tv. So we don't practice. Went practice driving. He got his learners, but like, it's really not on his mind right now to drive. Like his mind is focused on the tv. So I'm just choosing my battles. I just don't say anything. I just feel like, okay, you know.

10:29 A lot of kids tend to focus on just one specific thing that they want. It's sweet, you know, instead of focusing on, oh, my gosh, I could do all these things without my mom. It's like, you know, and I think that it's very sweet that you've provided an environment where he feels and he knows that you'll be there for him.

10:49 Right. And I try to be like, he went through a depression and like, he's in counseling now, um, because it was like a lot of back to back, back to back deaths in our family. And he's one of those kids that, you know, he tries to be strong for everybody and he tries to be there for everybody, but he really didn't properly grieve because his grandma passed away. Well, first my grandma passed away, which was his great great grandmother. He was close to her, too. And then his grandmother passed away on his dad's side. And then his dad wife passed away and then my fiance passed away. It's like he just kept just, he just covered it all up. And then it was just one day because everybody said, we act like brothers and sisters. We don't act like mother is, but we have the best relationship. And it was just like, you know, apparent intuition, like, you know, when something is wrong with your child. And he just, I talked to him and he just, the tears just came out and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I never knew that you felt this way. Like, I never knew that you was affected the way that you were. We could have been got you counseling, but I'm glad that he eventually, he opened up. Mm hmm. One thing I've learned about, like, the, like, teenagers they host.

12:20 Oh, absolutely.

12:22 They talking to their parents about stuff. I didn't want that, you know, I didn't want that to happen between me and him because I'm his mom and I feel like he went through everything with me. So, like, we should be able to, you know, we should be able to talk about, like, if there's something bothering you. But it's like now when he. When I pick him up from work, I hear all the stories about the girls.

12:45 It's just, oh, I cannot stress enough how important it is to not only prioritize the mental health, but be that safe space for your child. And I think it's beyond cool that you have provided that for him, you know? And so I. I have. I have to ask. You have stressed very much happy personality, you know, and that you're very bubbly person, and that's just how you are. And so I wonder if that has come from you've, you know, you've stressed that you have experienced a lot of loss and a lot of hardships throughout your life. So do you think that that mentality was a reflection on what you've experienced, or have you, you know, have you always been like that as, you know, as a kid?

13:39 I think I've always been like that as a kid. Sometimes I find myself slipping and I try not to, like, when I have my moments, I try not to do it in front of my son. I try to do it, like, when I'm in my room by myself with the door closed, because I learned that, and I learned this recently. When I tend to stress about stuff, it bothers him, because when we had our talk, he would say, I feel like I'm not doing enough. I feel like I'm not helping you. I'm feeling like I'm not doing this and I'm not doing that. And I said, no, TJ, like, we are going to have our moments. Like, I don't want to put. I don't want to put my stress on him. So I had to learn how to. I had to learn when to do it and when not to do it. And I most definitely did not want to do it in front of him because I don't want him to worry. Like, I don't want him to feel like, okay, I'm not okay. But I had to let him understand. Like, it's a, it's, you know, there are five stages of grief, and, you know, I'm going to go through those stages and want him to be able to go through it, too, because he really never grieved over, you know, the deaths that we had. But it's like, I'm like him. I try to put on a little coven, make it look like I'm okay, but when I'm not okay, I just. I know how to just barricade myself in my room and just have my moments and I had to learn it through counseling. It's okay to cry to. No, it's okay to let it out. You're gonna have some moments where you're gonna have to just let it out. But he get that for me because I just try to hold it in, right? Yeah, it's growing pains. Like, now I feel better because my son is happy. He's at a job that he loves, and long as he's happy, I think I'm okay. Like, I'm happy to. And, you know, we're going through the healing with the deaths, because at the end of the day, you know, I kind of tell myself, okay, well, they wouldn't want you to be sad, depressed, and all that kind of stuff. And then I just think of the good times. I don't try to dwell on the bed because the good outweigh the bad. So.

16:10 Absolutely.

16:11 We're getting through it, though. But he's happy. He's really happy. I don't know about these girls at this job, because when he went to got his hair done, he was just like, mom, these girl. Oh, I heard it. Literally two nights straight. Oh, my God. And I'm gonna tell you what he did Saturday. Or was it Sunday? It was Saturday or Sunday. He does the car.

16:40 Okay.

16:42 He said, mom, I gotta tell you what happened to me today. And I said, what happened? He said, mom, I found $50 in the parking lot, okay? A normal person would have put it in their pocket. My baby turned it into customer service. And he said, I didn't want them to roll the cameras back, and I don't want them to see me pick up the money. Oh, Lord. I didn't want to go to jail for stealing. I said, well, technically, you wasn't stealing. You found it out in the parking lot, but you did the right thing. But I was like, you're gonna get blessed for being honest, because a lot of jobs look for that honesty in, you know, in their workers.

17:25 Oh, absolutely.

17:26 But I said, you didn't do anything wrong. But his dad told him he was crazy. He should have killed it.

17:33 Well, I think that that is a testament to the morals and the integrity that I would believe that you have instilled in him. And I think that's incredible, just to see that play out. I mean, you might say, oh, that's crazy. I would have just kept it, you know, to be able to resist $50 when you're saving up a 30 or for a $3,000 tv, right? Really shows where your headset is at and what you do and don't prioritize. And he chose to prioritize the right.

18:06 I was proud of.

18:08 Yeah, absolutely. And so we've. I. You've talked a lot about counseling and about therapy, not only for yourself, but for your son. And so when. If you don't mind me asking, when did you start to lean towards counseling and kind of accept that this is something that would be able to help?

18:34 Well, let me tell you, when my. When my fiance first died, I was in denial.

18:40 First age? Yeah, absolutely.

18:42 Yeah, he was, um. He passed away June the 8th, I don't think I started counseling to, like, probably August or september, and I kind of felt like it wasn't gonna work. Like, it's part of the denial. But I was, like, kind of felt like, well, I'm just gonna pray about it. Like I had done about so many journal tablets. I said, I'm just gonna write, I'm just gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. But I had a lot of. I'm not gonna say grudges. I blame myself for a lot of stuff. And when I started talking to my counselor, she made me realize that you can't blame yourself for something that God had. Had already prepared. They had in plan, like, it was not your job to save him, in so many words. But I. I don't know. Like, I had family and friends that, you know, told me they encouraged me to go to counseling. They was like, it'll make you feel a whole lot better. Like, stuff that you can't just come out and say, you can write it down. Like, one of the things that they had me. She had me to do was write his mama letter. She was like, it's up to you if you. You give it to her. Because I had stopped talking to his mom. Like, it was just so much stuff going on, and I just was like, maybe I just need to remove myself until I can be in my right mind to, you know, to talk to her. And it took me. It really took me a minute to get that. I think I started back talking to her, like, two months ago, and it was just like, I had to heal, and I had to. I had to let some stuff go and accept things the way that they were. And it was just like, how can I sit here and do that? And that's her son. And I know that she's gonna grieve longer than me. Like, she's. She's gonna go through more stuff than it affect her more than me. I'll eventually move on with my life or whatever, because I know that's what he would want me to do, but it was just, like, I think it was more hurt than anything. And I think with the support of my family and my few friends that I do have, um, that what made me just go ahead and do it. And then it got so bad. My job was like, we'll pay for eight of your sessions. Like, and I was like, okay, like, whatever. I'm just gonna go ahead and go since y'all want to throw it out like that. But it took me a minute. But it's something that I'm glad that I did, you know, decide to do, because maybe I can help someone else that's going, you know, that may go through the same thing. And it's just like, it's a release. Like, even, like, the activities that she did with me, like, I really felt so much better, and I'm just, like, I feel like I'm really healing. Like, I I don't let a lot of stuff bother me anymore, and it's just, like, I can, like, really sit down and have a conversation with his mom. Like, we went to dinner a couple of weeks ago, meet his mom, his sisters. So it's just like, I feel like I've healed, but it's like, I'm kind of. I'm kind of timid with some stuff. I don't want her to think I'm all the way back in the. Because I'm not. It's just like, I have a limit on what I can deal with.

22:38 Oh, absolutely.

22:39 Yeah. It's just like, I don't want her because she's still going through her motions, and that's understandable because that's her son. But it's just like, she go through her motions, and then she would call me, and I'm just like, no, I'm healing. I don't want to be sad. And so if I see her calling and I feel like, no, I ain't gonna talk to her today. I'm not. Hey, you okay? You good? But as far as just. I don't want to be a moper with her, like, her to go through what she gonna go through, because Kindra got the heel. I still got my son, and I got my own life, and I'm trying to live it. I'm trying to get out more, and I have really been making progress, and I'm proud of myself, but, like I said, it's just a process, and it's a step that, you know, I just have to take, and I'm okay. Like, where I'm at now because I'm healing. Um, I'm not fully at peace, but I'm at peace because I don't. I don't cry like, I used to cry. I don't go looking at pictures and not it. No, I took out of pictures on my phone, and it's just, like, his clothes that he had here. I took him to his mom house, but we're in the process of moving anyway because I think that was my last thing. I wanted to get out the house. Out this house, because he was here. Like, he didn't pass away here, but he was still here some of. Most of the time. Right.

24:08 Like, the spirit energy.

24:10 Yes. So it's just like, yeah, we're. We need a new. We need a new scene, so. So we're in the process of that now. I'm just waiting on my movie, so.

24:21 Wow. Yeah. Well, I cannot stress enough, you know, I totally understand how hard it is to lose somebody, not to that capacity, but. Absolutely. And so I can only commend you for how strong and how persistent you must be to be able to keep pushing yourself through that day and day, especially to show up for your son after, you know. And so I have to ask now, you had mentioned that you had a tough pregnancy, and you have mentioned some kind of hardships around that. Would you be willing to kind of delve into that a little more?

25:05 Yes. Okay, let's see. I can't think of the name, but it happens to everyone in three. I think she said three. Woman. My son has none of my blood. I don't know if I'm just weird or his dad was weird. One of us is weird. What? One of us is a weird ball. I'm just gonna say it's hime. But my son does not have any in my blood. I had a real tough pregnancy, high blood pressure. I have to google the name because I was just talking to my cousin about this yesterday. I had to get shots before I had my son because of the blood type. That was like, he don't have any of my blood. Um, I went through a lot, and it was an experience, but, you know, I'm stronger. I got through it, but it was some type of regular z that when your child don't have your blood, you. You can. When you. When you. When you're going through the process of having him, you can end your life in your child's life. And I. Like I said, it's. It's been since 2006. Lord have mercy. I can't remember the name of it, um. But there were. There were medications that I had to take to. To help me, like, you know, with the labor and all this kind of stuff. And what, I do it again, probably so, because I want to look her now, but, you know.

26:51 Right. And I think that's. That's amazing that, you know, and I think that it's a child's, like, your son is such a payoff.

27:02 Yeah.

27:03 It's amazing to hear that you do it again.

27:06 I would really do it again. Like, when I say he doesn't get in trouble, like, he's just a cool, laid back kid. And my mom always said, if you have another one, that's gonna be the devil child because you had it so good with your first one.

27:22 Absolutely.

27:23 Only issues that I had with him, he was baby. He did not like to sleep at night, but I had, like, support. I had my mom and my grandma, like, and my dad and my brother, like, I had a great support system. Like, his dad was there, too, but, you know, we stayed in different counties or whatever, so, you know, it was like, he was there, but he wasn't always there, but, like, they have the best relationship ever to, um. But it was just. It was a really tough experience, um, because, like I said, I never heard of anything like that. It's rare in different women, but, like I said, I don't know if it was my blood or his blood. Somebody blood was weird, but, yeah, we gonna blame it on him. But it was an experience. But she, you know, the doctors taught me through it. They. They did really educate me on it. And I. As far as. Well, how my labor was going to go, which. It really wasn't a bad experience. My water broke on its own. Like, everything kicked in. But I feel like, like, with technology, like, the stuff that they have out today, they probably can catch it early because I. I was close to having my son. I want to say I was probably like a month or two in before I was getting ready to have. When I found out that, okay, well, I had to take this other kind of medicine, and I had to go get a shot. Like, when I say, it terrified me because, you know, when they tell you that, you go on the labor thinking, oh, lord, what if I don't make it? And that what bothered me the most, because I'm just like, I don't know how this is gonna go. Like, this is my first child. I'm going through these. I had high blood pressure. They had me on high blood pressure medicine that was like, well, you borderline diabetic thank God I'm not a diabetic, but I still have those high blood pressure problems which I do take medicine for. But childbirth and I like, it's, it's a blessing to even go through it and get through it. But when they throw stuff on you like that, like, it's scary, you know.

29:41 I mean, when you were going through that, that labor process and, you know, you've got in the back of your mind this, you know, this could potentially be it, you know?

29:52 Right.

29:53 Are you, what are you, what were you thinking? Were you thinking of all the things that you were grateful for? You know, what, what kept you hanging on throughout that labor?

30:05 You know, some people be glad when they family be in the room with you. My dad got on my nerve. Oh my goodness. I feel, I think that the fact that I had a good support system that got me through because my child's father had made him a little, little cubicle and blocked himself out from everybody because he said if he see the blood, he was gonna faint. My dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad rubbed my hair the whole time. He told me one of the contractions was gonna come. He was praying for me the whole time. He was telling me when to push. I think it was my dad that kind of like, he kind of like make me feel comfortable. Like my mom was probably on the other corner opposite of my baby dad because she said she didn't want to see that, you know, and all that. And then my grandmother, my grandmother was there too. I can't remember she was sitting it. But I think the fact that my family was there, like my dad kind of, my dad like really helped me through it all. I know it was prayer that kind of kept me calm, but the epidural kind of had me, you know, a little out of to where I really didn't think about it. I think I felt better. I felt like I was gonna be alright. Like after he came out, I was scared to hold him. Like when he came out, I was scared to hold him. Like I was shaking, I just wanted to go to sleep and I. But then I was scared to go to sleep cuz I was like, what if I don't wake up? And then I went to throwing up everywhere. Oh, yes. And I'm like, oh my God. Like, I think I remember telling my dad, I don't want to die. Like I want to be in a raise my baby. And my dad was like, you're fine, you're not gonna die. The doctors got you, you're good. You just got to stay here for a couple of days. I gotta monitor you. You're gonna be home in a couple of days. Your baby's fine because he still call my son baby to this day. I don't know why, but yeah. And he was like, you're okay. You okay? He was like, don't stress about it. Don't worry about it. The doctor said, you good? Like, you're not gonna die, Kindra You're not gonna die. I probably didn't feel like I wasn't gonna die to probably, like, until I actually went home and I was like, okay, I think I'm okay.

32:41 So after, you know, after you had your son, you know, you were. Were you 1920?

32:49 I was 19.

32:51 So, I mean, I mean, that's. That's just entering adulthood. So what was. What would you say that experience was like growing into an adult with the child yourself? You know, what was. What were some of the things that really stood out to you about kind of that experience?

33:10 I couldn't believe I had a baby. Oh, my God. Like, I mean, I knew about taking care of kids because my grandma had 18 children, and it's a lot of nieces and nephews and grandkids. So it was like I was always surrounded by other kids were, like, actually having my own. I was scared, but I was still living at home. I had my grandma, I had my mom, my dad, my brother, um, my favorite cousin. That still my favorite cousin to this day. It happened. But, um, I think, like, I don't know, it was just different. It was like I already had my dreams, like, what I want to do because I was like, I got to be the best mom that I can be. And, you know, I got to do this. I got a date. My dad did not want me to work. When I say, like, financially wise, I had nothing to worry about because his dad provided, my son's father provided also, my dad provided, his dad provided, his great grandma provided, his both. His grandma's provide. Like, when I say I had it made, and I can't say that night if I choose to go get pretty, but I had the least of worries. But it was like I felt like I gotta take care of him. Like, I can't depend on nobody else to take care of my child. Like, I got up here and had him or whatever. The first time my mom let me go out, I got preemie. I don't know how that happened. Yes. And I'm just, like, I asked my mom, did you regret letting me go out? She said, no, I have my grandson. She said, I'm not gonna say I regret it. She was like, I wish you would have waited. Wait. You know, whatever happened. See, they don't preacher people, they say, don't pk kids, they be stripped on their only on their kids and on their grandkids. And then when they finally let them get out, they go, but, wow. But, yeah, it was just like, had. I had so, so much. I don't know, like, people were spoiling me in him, and it's just like, I was very grateful. Like, when I say I had it made and just really didn't really realize, like, he still spoil to this day. I'm like, I'm thankful that I had my family. I'm thankful that I had, you know, family, friends of the family. And my dad, workers was buying him stuff because my dad had his own business. He. Well, he was driving trucks, and then he have his own drywall business where he do houses. So he just had, like, a lot of. A lot of friends and people that came in, like, the baby shower was nice, and I'm just like, oh, my God. Like, this is crazy. Like, I just wasn't. Wasn't used to it. And, you know, it's just. It's a blessing to. To even have had that for me, because I really didn't find out who my father was until I turned 16. So it kind of made me feel a little special because, like, I previously told you that my mom was in an abusive relationship. What? In an abusive marriage. And that guy wanting my daddy. Yes. Oh, it's like, I really could write a book about my life, but.

36:59 And, yeah, maybe we'll turn the transcripts of this into that memoir.

37:04 Yes. But, yeah, the, um. The guy that she's married to wasn't even my dad. So it was just like, my dad, he stepped in, you know, because I have, like, this is his grandchild. Like, this is this my daughter. So, like, I just felt. I felt the love. I felt very appreciated. And, like, still to this day, like, these same people, they're still living. They always. They know. They know my child. They know he a good kid. And they always asking about them, like, you know, and they was like, you only had one. I was like, at least one mo. But I did good. I did good. Yeah.

37:52 I mean, what. What a support system to have.

37:55 Yes, yes.

37:58 So this, you know, besides maybe the support system, unless that is. But what has been your favorite part so far about raising your son?

38:08 Oh, my goodness. My favorite part about.

38:13 And I'm sure that there's so many.

38:16 But one thing about my son, like, the. He cares for a lot of people. He has the most, biggest heart. He's the reason why I changed my major to psychology, because he gives the. For him to be a teenager and ain't experiencing anything, he give the best advice. Like, when I say, like, he get, like, you can just talk to him about anything and he'll. He'll give you, like, the best advice. He was telling me about that the other day. He was, like, one of the older kids. She was telling him about something, and he said, mom, I told her. He was like, just pray about it and just, you know, just ask God to lead you and guide you. And it's just like, oh, my God. Like the stuff that he says of a teenager's mouth.

39:16 No, but, like, who he gets it from.

39:20 Yeah. Like, he's. He's real respectful. Like, it's just the fact that with everything going on outside today, the fact that he don't get in trouble, he don't associate with his. With people that do smoke or, like, drinking, because it's kids out there his age that are doing this type of stuff. Like, he knows how to remove himself from certain situation and from certain people. And it's just like, I don't know. He is really my blessing, and I always call him that because I could be somewhere else out of my mind, like, stuff that I went through.