Amanda Coltman and Ian Coltman

00:05 My name is Ian coltman. I'm 32 years old. Today's date is Sunday, November 24th, 2019. We are in Yuma, Arizona and I am with my interview partner Amanda coltman. Who is my wife.

00:21 And I'm Amanda Lee Coleman. I am 30 years old. It is Sunday November 24th 2019. We are in Yuma, Arizona and I am doing an interview with Ian coltman. Who is my husband.

00:37 So every every story has to have a beginning. So Amanda, why don't you tell us about how about where you were born and some of you know, how you

00:49 Started life out. I was born in St. Louis Missouri. I am the first child of three on my parents are James and Carla schuessler and my mom has been a teacher all of my life and my dad has worked in business and now he works more in the political side of things and we started in St. Louis. We eventually worked our way to Los Angeles Seattle where my two younger brothers were born Yuma Arizona is actually like the 15th Place. I've lived in my 30 years of life. So it's been interesting.

01:28 It's brought me here to this day. What about you Ian I was born in Honolulu, Hawaii land of ocean and palm trees and it was beautiful. And then I was told I had to move now. It's only for so it really didn't make much of a difference with my opinion was on the matter but move to Northern Wisconsin where it gets cold and snows for like half of the year and I was quite upset about that.

01:55 And really I just I've lived and I lived in northern Wisconsin for almost all of my life until one day. I got a call that there was a job offer for me and Yuma to be teachers. So the two of us packed up all of our stuff and we threw it into one single moving truck and drove that truck across the country. I had your dad riding shotgun. And here we are that is less than 5 years of moving from Hawaii the land of Beach and coconuts and it smells really good there to Wisconsin. Did you move in the summertime? And what was your first memory actually, I don't remember.

02:41 I don't remember the weather outside when it was moving. I think the first thing that I do remember however, like clearly as I remember walking into a house where none of the rooms had anything in it, and that was like that's my first concrete memory of moving was this idea of kind of like the empty space all of our stuff was in boxes. We were considering whether we wanted to buy this house or not. And I know we were in places before that. But if I'd like the one thing that I held onto was that this idea of like the empty house and not knowing okay is this where we're going to put our stuff or is or are we moving from somewhere else is weed weed bounced around a couple of different houses in the moving process before finally settling on one so that house in an Agora Way Lake to go. Antigo Wisconsin house where that memory happened. I know like I know that we lived in silverburst ranch. And yeah, we had a couple of other like I think we live in an apartment at one point, but

03:41 That was like the formative memory of moving was this idea of all this house is empty. We're going to put our stuff into this house. And that makes that's what makes it home. Is that it now, it's the place that holds your things that you get to come back to Everyday before this is like your first actual house that has mechanic heads on backyard and everything was going to look very specialized and it's where everything is measured in square feet and I went to Hawaii for first time will my first time but for the first time for us to go that was the last state that I had to go to so I've been to all 50 states and I was really excited to be able to go to where you were born with you, but it was really really scrunched together.

04:36 That a holler at least Oahu at the whole island is not very big and there's a lot of people in a very small area but that was a fun trip where you get stung by a jellyfish. And the other than that. I thought it was I'm still shocked at the fact that we we got a hotel and we had to find a rental parking space near by there wasn't a place to put the rental car that we got from the airport. We had to rent a parking space and I was just as a wild concept coming from someone who's only lived in places where there's never an issue trying to find a place to put stuff into place. We've been to the we've been to Europe with us, but you'll have cars in Europe. Like I didn't even like Los Angeles there's certain places where you know, you've got those Tar Pits were there swear we've been for this is a parking just because you want your car to be swallowed up or do you want to be able to drive away with it? So, but we've never had to

05:35 Rent a space.

05:37 The lat long of time unless it was like by the hotel. So that was just that was an interesting memory that I can tie into Hawaii with you.

05:47 Yeah, those those those wild wild time. It was fine. Now, you moved all over the United States part of your Dad's job kind of relocated your family. What was your did you find that you had you got in the car like a moving ritual or a moving process? Was there a something you went through every time you found out you were moving from a new city.

06:08 No, I don't think so. I know that question sometimes his ass to me. But no, I don't actually remember ever like even though I moved up until like 14 years old. I don't ever remember the days of us physically or like being sad that saying goodbye to friends or things like that. Like I just thought it was a normal thing that you did because I've known since I was the only move from Saint Louis to Simply like to La when I was the year old, so I've known that my entire I've known the moving process my entire life. So I just thought that was a normal thing that you just did. My dad was working his way up the ladder and business and communicate and tell telecommunication. So I thought that was normal for everybody to do and my mom is a teacher. She just had to go get a teaching license in that state. So I just thought that was normal so I don't really remember any

07:01 X Rave movie like the physical move. We're having to readjust I was young. I think it really benefit that I did that up until I was fourteen versus having to do it a lot throughout high school and college did it myself. So wasn't that big of a deal. Everybody was doing College? I leave the dorms every nine months that you picked up different different mannerisms and lingo and stuff in different places. So like I grew up mostly Northern Wisconsin cuz we moved when I was so young. So like I can I can trace back any of the things that I say and some of my thoughts and actions to to that one specific culture in place. But since you were all over the place, do you find that you kind of like pieced it all together or is there like one cultural epicenter for you? That kind of defines what you picked up a bubbler like they do in Wisconsin. That's weird, you know, but I'll say I know you and I argue about the difference in crawdad and crayfish. I have no idea where I pick that up.

08:01 I don't say you don't say I say catty-corner kitty corner mannerisms are very different throughout the United States. But I feel like the Midwest is just west of my parents were born and raised and so and just because I wasn't born and raised there like I still develop my parents mannerisms very much like way when somebody lets you in and I'll put the card in the Corral. I don't call it buggy though. They do in, Texas.

08:38 But answer your question, I don't really think so.

08:46 So so going off of that wets.

08:51 Do you think do you think you've developed any manner the Southwest is very much so relaxed versus even the Midwest and we're so close to Southern California that we get a lot of that stereotypical mannerisms as well. Do you think you even though we've only been here for 5 years. Do you think you've developed any of that? I know you had some of that because that's what you were kind of raised in but you think about more or less of bats.

09:17 OSU depression

09:21 It's difficult because like I've always been a relaxed kind of laid-back person naturally. And so you've got you got that but I've also done done a fair amount of growing up and maturing in the last five years. We've been down here and part of that natural processes learning how to be a little bit more organized and getting some stuff done when you need to get them done. So I got the to cancel each other out. I'm definitely definitely kind of part of that relax culture that we find out in this part of the country. But at the same time you're learning to still and do the work that you have to do and make sure you you're getting it in. I'm sure it drives you nuts because I'm I'm the more relaxed of the two of us and sometimes I just want to sleep in and not do anything on a day. So close to or supposed to Mexico and our students, Missouri them are Hispanic. And so I find it really fascinating that we have.

10:19 Mexican culture is very different in for in relation to time than us culture is so I think it's very interesting that those two of mashed in Yuma and yet we've also like mash but I'm like, you know, we're not I used to like 15 minutes early for everything and now imma just on time and the driving I still wish people it's really fascinating because he's either going 15 over the speed limit or 15 under like there's no like in between here is like common thing they're so it's been I think it's in a really interesting that the fact that we have more like Midwest mannerisms. You're more like relax. I'm more not relaxed, but we live so close to a country that has a different.

11:06 Emphasis on time then the stereotypical American this it said as a little bit of spice to life for sure.

11:19 Each other about like the decision to move here to Yuma and what was going through your heads about time. Yeah, absolutely. So you can and you can add into this to do but sew in Wisconsin there was a lot of I wasn't getting my master's at the time until I was working part time at a library. I'm high school librarian and my husband was working as a full-time teacher in the Middle School in southern Wisconsin, and there's a lot of budget cuts because of just the political climate that our governor at the time was turning was handling with Wisconsin and sodium had just graduated. We had just gotten married and unfortunately, he wasn't going to be rehired because they were losing teachers and basically combining more classes and more students than one room. So we didn't know what to do. This is like 2 weeks before school. Let out we are really stressed out. We weren't even like at 7 or even married for a year yet.

12:19 And we literally went down alphabetically sort of alphabetically. You have to wait this cuz it's only love to see which ones were healthier in terms of.

12:40 Libraries just because I was getting master's degree and I didn't want to use all this money and then not have a job and doing something I wanted to do and so even applied for a high school job and Yuma Arizona at I applied for the job at Kofa High School. They were in need of a chemistry teacher and I was lucky enough that I was qualified in a number of Sciences so I could make do those applications, but the the issue that I ran into cuz we were trying to find jobs closer to where we were living in Wisconsin, but the the pool of candidates was so swollen that if you were new to the job you could not get a job because you'd always be interviewing against people that had 5 10 15 years of experience and nobody's going to hire the new guy in that situation still having to having to move way way outside of our comfort zone.

13:40 Just because of that situation yasso and apply for that job at my parents started out in the midwest in the southern Midwest, Iowa and Missouri area where I was born and then ends parents started out in Hawaii. And so if they can start out totally separate place that they were raised mean we could try it and I think like the next morning. He ain't got a phone call to do a phone interview for Arizona, but there was this a lot of funny things leading up to that even before we apply to the jobs in Arizona or knew that we were going to get with that this was going to happen because the the winter before my parents and my one of my brothers actually came down here to vacation for Christmas break to Phoenix and the apps that my parents have vacation or several times, but they absolutely loved it and they told us, you know, you guys really need to go visit their we were actually think about planning a trip to Arizona.

14:40 I had dreams about us going down and moving to Arizona and I think he even your cousin had once mentioned once we knew that you were going to get hired back to Arizona. Yeah, it was it was really really cuz random state that we've never really considered an in life as more than just a vacation spot to go. See the Grand Canyon and so

15:05 What is kind of funny? I put in the application in the evening. I got a call for the first interview in less than 24 hours. It was actually as I was heading to an interview for a different school. And then yeah, we really we took it on a whim and move down here and it's been it's been a job that I find deeply satisfying it's defined kind of defined who I am and what I've become as as a teacher down here and I don't regret that for even a moment and I have a job now that have met me have my Master's now so I have a job and I'm also am a different high school, but I absolutely love the kids and I love what I do and I can't see myself moving back.

15:52 To the Midwest for for a job reason so I think it really worked out. It was really funny when we were moving when we 20in first took the job are different personalities. I guess that was really nice because you were like super you know reluctant and I was like no, let's see how we're going to do this and then when the move had happened cuz you had left before me because I had to finish up an internship during the summer and you were really excited and then I didn't want to leave and so I think that was really helpful that you and I had different reactions during different times would have been if it was both bad at the same time. It probably would have been pretty went through the emotional the emotional journey of making such a move in in opposite directions. I was anxious first and then became excited you were excited first, then became anxious later.

16:52 Yeah, I see you're in so I guess going back into your job a little bit.

16:58 The question ever asked you before but what lessons has your work life taught you we talked about a lot of things better jobs, but we don't always talk about that stuff. I think one of the greatest things that you got this incredible perspective, especially dealing with older teenagers and I deal with mostly Juniors and seniors and you get this incredible perspective of how some things in the moment seem to matter a whole lot. Even when you know over the course of time they don't and just because they they won't matter like 20 years from now. It doesn't mean that they're not important to that person at that exact moment. And so you have to kind of like you remove your judgment of of what's important and you have to deal with that person in that moment because otherwise, otherwise you lose them and it's a it's a relationship building.

17:56 Kind of I don't want to say it's a strategy because it's not intentional. It's it's a mindset that you have to go into. I think that's made it's helped me relate to other people better. I sometimes struggle with meeting new people and relating with people and so kind of learning to meet people in the moment and not think not always kind of layout like, what's the 15-year plan here? That's been the biggest thing that I could have learned from my current job watching you since watching you grow just being ready able to relate to other humans more doesn't matter their age or what they've gone through or their political beliefs or their religious beliefs. Like I feel like you really like shifted since we first met when you were Twenty-One. What about what about you?

18:56 Right back. I mean I could definitely agree with you. I know you I've talked to you several times about the different types of interactions. I have a student's if you don't like the emotion when you talk with the emotion and how is it matters at the exact moment? It's it's true. I had a student at you know, if a student that one time she was very emotional and very upset physically and emotionally and she and I asked her why I sat down with her cuz you never know when it's teenagers. You just never know what it's going to be and she was upset because it was homecoming and her friend that was a guy she wanted him to go she want they wanted to she wanted to go with him. But he had asked her other friend, even though they were liking this little triangle friend group and that was like devastating to her and you know, when I was 16 years old, that would have been devastating to meet you too. And so I think it's something really important that like, even though we are Educators like we need to remember that.

19:54 We need to buy ourselves Mike if that has happened to us like yeah, is that going to matter to her in like 5 years like absolute probably not but it matters then and so I think that's definitely not the lessons that taught me is that Jessica doesn't matter to you doesn't mean it can't matter somebody else so and patience lots of patience.

20:19 On your mind when you were going to school to be teachers or something because this is something I definitely not taught in education & child psychology, but you're hot you're taught from a psychologist perspective. So you're not taught from like a you're going to be in the classroom dealing with 42 kids. And one of them is having a mental breakdown. How are you going to handle that went through? I went through a full like teacher preparation course in I took this entire course load of stuff and then I walked into a classroom only to realize I didn't have a clue. I knew what to do with curriculum, but I didn't know what to do with the kids. And that was that was the whole learning curve that you kind of you walk yourself through we always had this joke and I don't know how much of a joke it actually is but like you just have to survive the first year. No one thrives the first year. It's just survived the first year because that's when you're taking all of that classroom stuff.

21:19 And then applying it to applying it to real people and real people are messy.

21:31 In every single situation of students and the age group that you're working with and the amount that you're working with of the time and even like they're their back stories and their own upbringing like Place into the factors who they are at 16 5/8 years old very different from for everybody. But yeah, I remember even like when I first started on my advice, I just got my Master's I just started this my first real job. I'm now in charge of this whole department like that's really super cool and I sat down at my desk in my office smells like this is fascinating. I am so excited and I sat down and I had no idea what to do. I was like, how is this possible? I could just took all of this these classes and I spend all of this time and I got the upper education level degree and I have no idea where to even start.

22:23 So that I thought was really interesting.

22:28 Oh, yeah, and

22:35 Oh, yeah. Yeah where it looks so I mean we met in college we both went to a small small two-year University little satellite campus were both intended to transfer out after the first couple years and it was a it was a small enough campus at there was there was one dormitory that served the whole campus is X there's like it was mostly a commuter campus like 200 kids stayed on campus. Other than that it was everybody else kind of drove in and was so you are an RA in college and I was a freshman to look 17 and you were probably

23:19 Will your eyes when you have the time and I had like no idea what I was doing and this is your second year of school and it says that you're that was your first.

23:33 Yeah, so I walked into the lobby and was like talking to somebody about the smell of shoes because this is a really easy thing to have happened in the dorms cuz everybody's living with all her stuff and I talked about newspaper is being way to stuff your shoes. I don't know if you remember this. This is what you made fun of me, but I guess like how we like really matter. So I never really talks to Ian cuz he had made fun of me and I was like, you know a freshman in college is like I'm so embarrassed the upper classmen already made fun of me. But the next year was Nineteen you were 21. I had spent the summer working in a place called Door County Wisconsin, which is like the peninsula Wisconsin in the summer time. You work there. It's easy to make a lot of money cuz it's tourist area and you have picked up on that on Facebook. And so you came to my door and you're like, oh, well, you're doing rounds you really know. How was that?

24:33 And I took an interest in you because you clearly were trying to see what I was doing and then I didn't realize I had a crush on you.

24:44 Until my friend Sarah who actually was one of my Maids Maids of honor and our wedding was like, oh my gosh, you have a crush on Ian because I kept like

24:53 Wanting to go outside with a little school like a little girl. But yeah, and then I told you that I liked you and eventually and you said I you put me in the friend zone and I was like, nope. I'm eventually we just brought together when summer happens if it's like the opposite of like a Summer Fling opposite like Greece both considering where we're going to transfer and I was just like, oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to transfer to a different campus. And so does it really make up a whole lot make a whole lot of sense to be on keep this relationship going. That was my reasoning Lego. Can I guess I can fly cuz I wanted to go to Milwaukee for my 4-year originally which eventually went and got my Master's there for the from there anyways, but

25:50 We just I ended up going.

25:53 Where you at? Cuz I wanted to go in education as well. And so he went to the education school. So it made sense. But I just our story of how we met is just really funny and how you took an interest me, but really didn't take an interest to me because you were interested in me. You just were making conversation and I took it as a way like that. Yeah, I was being casual conversation you felt I was signaling but it worked out it worked out.

26:28 Yeah, I was I was shockingly shockingly oblivious. All of her friends are playing Mario Kart and you just like a curly put your arm around me too and let you know like I know how was I was living in my own my own individual world at that point, but I mean, we had a lot of hurdles to go through over to with just things.

27:01 Yeah, you're my first my first girlfriend and like we had serious like it took effort for a tie for things to work out. I think a lot of it was just blending two very different backgrounds and two very different ways of doing things and trying to figure out how do you bring both of those together and come up with a relationship? That's uniquely your own.

27:30 Without without completely disregarding somebody else's past. So I had my way of doing things you had your way of doing things we had to figure out how are we going to do this together without one person saying no your way is stupid. We're doing it my way.

27:47 I miss you a lot more people deal with that than we think so everybody just think it's not it's just not discuss maybe so we just didn't think that so like

27:58 Just like your upbringing your you had a different upbringing of people like your parents arguing than I did. And so for sample, like if you didn't you didn't think love was he born?

28:12 Arguing and so like that was really like that was a struggle like when we had first.

28:18 But I first told you I loved you and he didn't say it back because of because of that and I think we've done a really good job of

28:35 Meshing are two different upbringings in that type of I can make enough family fence to the point of now we're getting license to foster children do foster care, which is another this exciting step in the Great Adventure.

28:58 I think that's a special just brings up more the fact that we've tried to do our own thing.

29:05 What was your first thought that's going off in foster care, I guess. What is your first what was your first thought because you've known since we've been together that you know, I've wanted to adopt children and things like that. What was your first thought when?

29:18 I guess when we officially decided on this like what made you decide this is we are going to try to become licensed foster parents.

29:31 Tricky question

29:33 I think it came back to kind of the the meaning and the purpose that I had found as a teacher was that I I had learned that I had I had a an ability to take care of other people's kids as if they were my own and I like I attach super hard to my students and I know it's it's fun to watch them graduate, but I miss them every year after they leave and I don't get to see them again. So I think that was that was the learning process that I went to and I looked back on that and I was just like, okay so I I can do this so I should I should try to take that gift and expanded out. And so that was that was kind of the thing that's sealed seal. The idea of adoption or foster care for me was that I knew that I had the ability to quickly form relationships with kids that were not necessarily biologically mine.

30:31 And I felt that there were kids out there and I had you working working in schools for a number of years. I had met a large number of kids that are they were I don't want to call them broken kids cuz I don't feel like you're throwing away, but they weren't they were kids that were struggling with real issues that other people might not be taken seriously and being able to step into that situation. I had that ability and I wanted to be able to use it with other people.

31:00 What are you most another pretty much done with the process and we're just waiting for the phone call. It says we're officially licensed. What do you most like nervous about?

31:09 I think I'm nervous about the whole thing. I mean, it's normal for any parent. I think it is. If normal for any pair. I think the thing that makes me the most apprehensive is that I have lived my whole 32 years where most of most of my time has been my own and I have time management is is one thing but I could be selfish with it and the idea that bringing a kid into into the space that I have owned for all of this time with time management. I think that is the thing that scares me the most what am I going to do? When I have to put I have to put other people's priorities and time management things ahead of my own and like I went through that same process when we got married, but this is a this is a little person and they are a lot less capable of doing things on their own. And so I think that's that's the daunting task for me.

32:07 What about what about you? Like you've got to be at least a little bit nervous option or biologically like I think Mark and chipper any which way you become a parrot. Like I feel like you and I are parents all the kids that we deal with every day that deal with but that we hang out with every day, but I feel like

32:31 I'm almost nervous about I think just like meeting them. I don't like I'm not you know, I'm I'm I'm that I don't like small talk. So like I feel like we're going to start with small talk and I'm just going to be like, I don't I don't know how to progress from the small talk because I think with our first the first placement it will be like the most will be a lot of questions and I don't like having questions. I like just knowing what to do. I have bad news for you with kids. Everything is small talk because they're really tiny, you know what I mean, but I think like I think I just like the biggest I guess. I must advise that I'm going to ask a million questions to ask licensing Specialist or social workers and their case workers and a quarter million questions parents annoying questions, and I think that just

33:24 I don't like asking questions. I don't I feel like if I am asking questions that means I don't know what something you feel that you do know it so does it make you comfortable if you don't?

33:35 Sorry, this it make you uncomfortable or absolutely I feel like you know, I feel like I should know what to do, but I might not know what to do. And so I think I'm most nervous about that. I'm just I know it's going to be a lot of questions the first time around or could be a lot of questions every time because we're going to have a different child or children with us every time but your question.

34:03 And I know I didn't didn't have a plan follow up on that. Okay?

34:14 I think it's going to be a lot of fun.

34:18 2 to go

34:24 Yeah, and I like to do a lot of outdoor stuff and we like to do a lot of adventuring and it's going to be really I'm really excited to do that with my husband and with with her with her child. I think that's adding adding somebody else to that and watching them experience. It is like it's going to be like I imagined how it how it is having you watch me experience and vice-versa, but I'm like a small child. You know, I think I think it's going to be really cool. I taking them to the ocean or the Grand Canyon or Disneyland things like that. Like it's just it's exciting to be able to do those things with you and then with somebody else and just watching the reaction and then United Care discuss how cute of us.

35:10 I think the most sick the most exciting thing.

35:14 So I think we've gotten really used to how each other response and reacts to things. I for me. I think the the most interesting and exciting thing is going to be watching how that changes with with a small person with a with a childlike how how are all of our reactions of all been very much on the adult level like how how weird is it going to be to have to talk to somebody who doesn't have that full in completed vocabulary and ability to think and all of that stuff. I think that's going to be it'll be interesting to see how we have to change his people to adapt to our to a new role in this the star who has started to an angel to be a lot more fun to like bring in like hey, how can we decorate this tree together versus just you and I be like, well we wanted to look super fancy because we're

36:14 Give me saying to get like a kid with the kid would have put the Tyrannosaurus rex on top of the tree and I would have been completely reasonable types of things are exciting and fun versus when you be when you become older and there's a little bit more mundane to your routine a little bit of a kid to take care of a kid.

36:44 I think I think that'll be that'll be exciting. And you know, obviously they'll be so be good things and I'll be like part of things that will have to definitely discuss together and figure out together. I'm assuming I mean, we're at our age group that we are getting license for a 229. So it's not like having a child from a child that was just born as my 6 months is going to be able to you can kind of have developed a way of doing things heading to

37:25 But else in a question

37:28 I think I am. I'm out of questions at this point.

37:34 Go ahead continue.

37:45 Oh and they're going to ask this question like before I was just weird you think tears ask somebody random question.

37:55 I think

37:56 If you go first and what is one thing that I want people to know about me?

38:06 That's that's really complicated because you know, there's so many things that you want people to know about you. It's hard to distill it down to one thing.

38:16 I think the one thing that I want people to know about me right now is that

38:23 I am a product of everything that has happened to me so far and I love who I am right now, which means I don't regret any of the things that have happened up until this point.

38:34 Awesome. I think I've come a long way and I'm only 30 and I just think that was so old but it's really not and I feel like I've done a lot for somebody who's just turned 30. I'm really excited for the next 30 Years, but in that they worked really hard then really hard worker and I work really hard to get as far as I have in life, but I can't have done it without I acknowledge I couldn't have done those things without other people and so I'm really grateful.

39:05 For the people that have helped me along the way or that have gotten in my way and some have persevered a lot and I'm proud of that.