Andrez Chuney and Ezra Kelly

00:00 Hey, I'm on Judge Judy. I'm 21 years old. Today is February 15th 2020. We're at length and we're in the fledge at Lansing Michigan and I'm with my friend or my name is Ezra Kelly. I'm 23 and today's date is February 15th, 2020 or at the flood in Lansing Michigan and I'm with my friend undress and I want to ask you like what do you do for a living? Like what do you do not I guess not for like a living wage. But like what do you do to keep yourself going? Cool? Yeah, that's like as in like like your interest. What do you want? What would you want to do? Like on your journey like it? What are you here in the world for do you think? Yeah. I think I definitely want to just be like a good role model shine kind of light and if you like a positive like role model influenced other people

00:57 How do you plan to do that? I think I definitely have a lot of like I guess if I would bring it back like I still like the interest I think I study a lot. I'm really into like psychology and philosophy and I think. Just learning how to kind of just be a like a good person and like, you know such as I connect other people is very like important and I want to like I got some odd or thing. I always tell myself is like I want to change the way leaders lead. I feel like you know, we have a lot of problems in society. We are just a lot of things going on or like and you know, it all starts would like the individual with one person, but I believe that you know, if I was able to like influence one person that influences like the mass or like multiple amount of people then in like that in itself would change a lot

01:47 So like do you what kind of like psychology do like to look into like if you like cuz you don't go to college, right? Okay, so I don't go to college either but I research a lot of psychology. So like if you were to be researching it, what would you like? What would you want to look up? I guess like just really whatever was like practical to me in the moment. I guess one of a couple of two, I guess big psychology things that I've helped me like with the developing myself a lot one would be like the theory of positive disintegration by like the Broski essentially talks about like there's different levels to like your personality and to kind of get to these higher states where you know, who you are you need to go through time periods where you feel like you've lost your identity.

02:39 I feel like everything's kind of like broken on the floor at disintegration like your whole identity shattered on the ground. And when you're at those times were like you don't know who you are. Like what snacks like the pieces that you pick up and you continue to take with you throughout life are some of like the biggest early you start to realize time of time that those are the things that are truly like your essence. I like who you are. So I think that overtime definition it's a lot of those like things were like I kind of liked was like like, who am I like what the heck like, yeah. I mean, oh Yeah Yeah Yeahs failures after just going to things and I just wasn't really what I liked or what I wanted and I think that you know, I'm still on that bike path of just figure out who I am by think definitely like learning that kind of type of psychology made me realize that like, it's perfectly normal for people to like be going to the bike stages of finding themselves. But you know, you shouldn't just a stagnant but continue to like keep moving forward to find out who you are.

03:38 That makes sense to you. Yeah, I've never heard of that but it's interesting to me. Yeah, I like a lot of the words. He's like this integration being one which is like my favorite album by The Cure but so I'm like obsessed with that word. But also you said like when you like shatter on the ground, I love the word shatter and

03:58 I don't know. What's interesting to hear it from that perspective cuz but I'm looking it up a lot. Like I'll be reading stuff from like the DSM-5 and stuff.

04:07 And it's usually like when I connect with someone and they tell me like what they have been like that nurse with her something and then like I want to help them I don't I want to understand them cuz I want to like look into like the way that people like some people's minds work within that round I guess but it's interesting because the prospective you have is different than me looking up like a personality disorders in the different parts of Personality actually being basically part of like your personal evolution is like it seems like the theory that you're speaking on which is very interesting. Yeah. So I think that humans are just like there's a lot going on with people. So I think that there is no um, you know theory of positive cinegration like there's also stuff but I think it's really interesting to call call Young or young some people call him and talks about like I think the biggest stuff that I've got a lot of him is Shadow work and

05:07 Lysing that something that we do a lot is like when we have high states of emotion or when we feel like we don't like somebody are there certain things that really bug us about somebody people don't realize that generally like those are things that we dislike within ourselves projecting exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So it takes you starting to kind of like take a step out of yourself almost like see when you're in this house is in motion when you're projecting and realize like why am I feeling this way? I thought person and is it really dumb or is it really mean cuz we're almost like an iceberg and like our conscious mind is like the tip but there's so much depth to us and yummy while we love the good parts of my personality. We love to embrace the amazing part that we love about us, but there's certain aspects of us the Shadow Self that we tend not to like to claim but still is just as real eyes are you know part that we love about Asia. I mean, so so what we do is we hide those parts.

06:07 The crevices of our mind and I think that's definitely the work sick humans need to do, you know is like I sent you like fun cover those parts of yourself and just love yourself and you could just bring those dark parts to lie and ultimately just unify yourself young man. I feel like I've actually told like a ton of people I think like I mean definition of people that like 2019 was like the year of my shadow by Blake learning my shadow. I moved to Brooklyn New York and I'm blown Lansing my whole life. So I live there for 5 months and I was like dating a girl out there, but we didn't spend a whole lot of time together. So I was alone and I was having twins so I was born with someone else. So it's like it weird to be alone. But you find out all these different things but yourself in like your insecurities or like the shadow parts of you. Yeah, I really comes out man in like bringing them to the light is so fucking scary like it's like so scared to do.

07:07 But after you do and you like except them if you're like no like this is how I am and you don't have to like it but I I'm going to even if I don't right now, maybe I will I'm going to figure it out. I might make it the way I wanted absolutely no to this interesting interesting. I feel like you go like everything you said so far. I feel like it's like has been spinning around my mind, but you have like a different perspective which is not feel like I feel like people think about a lot of the same things. I feel like they're just different ways of describing like the same thing and I think I see that a lot with like honest like religion and also stop this business. I had it also say to before we are four other. I'm sorry for missing your name of the beginning. You know how to say is he going but now that I think just a lot of people, you know describe like say the same things in life and like I guess I'll get that into that in like I guess another second, but I guess another psychic like psychology types.

08:07 And I think it's helped me a lot with my own like I got business in like personal development journey is the dunning-kruger effect. Have you ever heard of that before? So that talks about is like when we going to any projects and I guess I'll be like this marks like business say something when to start a business. They think I was a genius idea. It's going to be so easy. All we have to do is listen to send organic million dollars, right and sounds like a cool. So they and it might be even some of their their logo passion about but they go into that project like with pure ignorance and such a thing like a rollercoaster taken up like and let you see the top Lil. Yachty the height of success right over here, right? You see yourself right here, like what I had to do just go up this thing is like I'm going to get it and then what happens is like you're going there and then also need to speak to me. You don't see it happen and you and that all sounds like your ignorance causes you to drop in Fall until like what I call her like what they call it the valley of Despair. So you go from a point where you're in or you're excited but

09:07 Ignorantly excited about a project and then it's a good thing cuz if you see like a timeline like this you like you're moving your going from point A to point B, but you don't realize that you have to go through this point where you don't know what's going on because like a bunch of you start to learn a little bit more about the thing, but now you realize how much you didn't know about originally not yet. It says real soffit Sydney. I wish I had the time my screen says it's just been stuff. I've seen to be real so it's like we have to as like humans are people like learn how to like persevere and get through that part of life. Like you just going to suck at anything when you start honestly, like I just like, you know, you got that initial pallet like passion for it or like I think like just by perseverance kind of crazy passion and talent for things but it's like just the longer you work out something you're going to eventually go from that point. I'd like to spare the kind of like going back up where like the slope of Enlightenment or start to realize the things that you didn't know before and you start to develop more like Mastery within your craft.

10:07 And then then you start to get to that point, right? Yeah the top of the mountain now and like before like when you were start looking at me that you eventually get there, but I think that the valley of Despair is what causes so many people to fail like in business and in life relationships everything cuz it's like we just we think things are easier than they really are, you know with everything and when things get a little bit difficult we want to quit so I think that. Happened to me a lot with some of like the businesses like the type of projects. I used to try working on before and it wasn't until I really shift in My Mind Set On why I was doing business or why I was trying to do things that like I started to have more perseverance and actually start to see more success in like the things I want to do.

10:53 So I guess I really came from like realizing that like if you're constantly chasing things that are like a fleeting sense of like accomplishments. I guess it's never going to like money. Like if you're in business just make money like there's this is your consoling like playing an uphill battle. Like there's never going to be enough money. Like it's always in the comments. I was going to go and it's just it's never going to leave you with a like long-lasting sense of like fulfillment, you know, you have to truly be an outside like you can't be in business to make money, like obviously people making, you know, I want to make a lot of money. I think a lot of other people do but it's like you should have the initial like before that like the number one reason should be to help somebody or like your parrot like your passion your purpose like and I think like I said earlier like me, I like I want to change the way leaders lead. I want to create a world where people are more like I'm pathetic or compassion and understanding other people and I realize like if I take that approach first to like helping people and a very deep way and giving them like a lot of value that

11:53 Like that's just act like kind of like spiritual like nature of money like you give value to somebody in like even if it's not money already got first like the universal kind of like Grant you back what you put into it you I mean, I feel like what did you said you said?

12:11 Oh should I just lost my train of thought you just said something?

12:16 Oh, well it kids like when you're saying how we protect I feel like because I feel like there is like human things that we do, but we can't

12:30 Like necessarily avoid them even when we recognize and understand them we can use them in different way. So like I feel like I see like you do this a lot. I feel like Jerry time does it a lot and I feel like I do and it's like like people I consider mirrors a lot. It's like you use your projection in a way that it's like a compassion towards someone else. So instead of projecting on them and being like like you're insecure and you're like, oh you're doing this in like it's making me feel like this and they're like, dude. I'm not making you feel anything you do you do you have control over that but it's like if I'm projecting in a way that I'm like, I understand because it happened to me too or something even I mean and I'm projecting like something from myself that's proving to you that like Hughes Hughes your light that you're showing me in like I'm going to protect mine and it's going to match up in a way, but they can be slightly different. Yeah, you know, and so I think it's interesting like cuz it's like you said it's all about liking them or it's like when you change your mindset so when you like change your mindset on like the

13:30 Used things or like the Shadow the shadow parts of yourself. If I'm instead of shaming myself in my head for what parts of me are wrong if I'm saying straight up like yeah, I do this sometimes that sucks. But so, you know, that's that's who I am and also yeah, I know you're totally right and I think that when you bring light to those things it also allows you to think logically incorrectly. Cuz what we do is when we don't accept our faults are like at the things that are bad about us, then when we go into the different projects are different situations make decisions in life, like we're essentially being delusional if we're not accepting the fact that we are certain way. So if you have problems about yourself, but there's certain things you don't necessarily like the most but it's you If you deny it and you go out and you try to make more decisions like you're never going to really make you never going to like take that into account when you make decisions eventually, so you need to truly be authentic and accept yourself for who you are if you really want to change or grow even too because you'll never get to

14:30 Deeproot on the colony to change if you never liked just accept yourself, but you just have to accept yourself and it's okay like no one's perfect, you know don't live in vanity realize that like the problems you have like other people probably have like and you aren't the first person to ever have that problem in does probably you know, and I thought I was losing optimistically. There's probably people who've been in your situation or like worse situations or even better like there's always been something similar and similar situations and you that probably Thrive didn't use those things to do amazing things. So I feel like also like a very interesting person. I mean every time we talk I feel like I get light like I know that like I relate to you a lot and in the way that you work with people but I like to find people especially like within like our age group and that like find the importance in the human self down in like even like in like a human being with all of us, you know to like where each one human being

15:29 Then there's like us all Being Human but like how do you be a human like nobody really knows because we were told that like like a chicken is like this is how a chicken is a chicken, but we're like just told that you know, and like all we can do is observe. So like I find like it interesting I find myself going to like parties like huge parties and shit like that for like to the Barre dance clubs and stuff and I'll go totally by myself cuz I want to watch everyone else and see what everyone else does he know and I feel like people who have observed a lot have a different understanding of the internal human now because when you really look closely you can see a lot like you shouldn't assume how people feel by the look on their face but down times when they don't know that you're looking they're being very expressive to their emotions. I'm so yeah for sure interesting to watch. Yeah. I know I love people-watching to I got them feel like it's just super interesting to me in like an hour and I don't I don't think like I'm the best

16:29 I think I'm okay. Like I think I can definitely have like I can like meet people in life generally read people pretty good and like understand like the type of person they are like not just based off like they're like, they're front like I think a lot of people wear masks and I think like that, you know what you said when people are at like in these type of environment like that. I feel like there is a almost like let themselves up a little bit more loose like a year in Italy get its little more of a casual environment. I got some you see people on a day-to-day like the how I think I think that's honestly when they wear more mass and they try to like plays personas and play these things and I think that's like honestly the master seidon you I mean like Holden Caulfield in The Catcher in the Rye talks about this allow really when I was living in Brooklyn because it's a Holden Caulfield was going through New York City coming home from boarding school over the course of three days in The Catcher in the Rye and I read in high school is my favorite book is like change my life for a minute before I read philosophy or anything, but it worked for me like that because I saw myself in Holden and

17:30 When I was living in New York, I was sitting on the subway one day and I just text her to look at around and started writing something down. So I was just like because I was thinking I have no privacy and I'm a performer so I can never practice my performance. I never have privacy and then I started writing down. I was like but really we're all doing it all the time. We're all acting and especially in a place like a big city like New York a ton of young people, you know, like I'll have the like they're their best outfit on like just going out to dinner or something, you know that I would like to get dressed to the nines and everyone has like this like this weird. You can tell when someone's acting yeah, I know for sure and in like it's not wrong though because we're all doing it. So like

18:12 It's just weird to see because sometimes it's hard to figure out for even within yourself if it's the mask or if it's really you and then you're saying like I was reading about it yesterday too. And it seems like sometimes you could stand in front of a mirror. You're holding the mask and then you pull it over to the side and you're looking at your face in the mask at the same time and you're just like, I wonder if this one comes off you trying to figure out which one fits perfect tuna and light even because with like an Igor Persona and within like the true self to that Igor, the Persona is more likely to tell you to distract yourself to go smoke a cigarette instead of continuing to work on your project or to go do anything. You know, you have to leave it's a repetitive.

19:01 Like I'm at the repetitive loop on what's in your brain. Like if you write it down every time the Persona comes out to you. I used to do it you might write down within the span of 2 hours 50 times smoke a cigarette or something that's mine usually but like or go to the thrift store. Just something that will take me away from what I'm doing gym. And then when if you're writing it down and you're seeing how many times it's so stupid how many times it tries to attack? You don't know but really that something within you. Yeah, I know it is hard to figure out because I think the best the best thing to do. It's kind of like, I mean the person is like kind of like the shadow in a way because it's this thing that you've created based off of what everyone else seems as if they would like or what you think might be loved in like, I don't know. It's interesting because you can just like if like, I read this book and it's called I am a dream and it says like if you can do that and you can just sort of Yule start sort of laughing.

20:01 You just like how you're with your ridiculous. Why do I want to do that? So many times that the span of time instead of getting my work done for sure, but it's like almost not you but it's really hard to decipher because it's also in your head. Yeah, I think it is almost kind of you but I think it's it. It's like a gum condition. Yeah, I guess like what I would say to that as you're totally right. I think I recently liked a past day or two. I just deleted like I'm supposed to be off sometimes I go to like pages to like just get away from it. And I just noticed how like I don't I mean I do have someone to healthy habits, but I don't think I have a lot. I think that definitely I mean I do but it's just not as in like so physical I don't like social media like I thought you'd like you said smoking cigarettes or that like we all use different things to escape like the thing like that we want to do like we really want to do is smoke a cigarette, you know for me it's going social media free other people. It's something else but it's like we constantly like driver.

21:01 Stop the way from like our true selves almost to again mean like this thing and it's ego cuz it's like our ego doesn't want to change our ego knows who we are in this moment. But as we start to change, my car sales are ego has to morph as well and it eventually went when we change and we alter that means that you go. Current ego State dies. So the EO doesn't like that and I mean that you know, I R, I guess this is going to more of like to a guy's house. I'd let you know. I feel like you know where more of like spiritual like, we're Eternal type beans and as you know, I mean as we start to change and Morphin to our true self, the ego wants to hold you back him in like this no peasant you you know, you're this, you know, you're you're you're not you're on drugs or do whatever you you know, you can't do that and it's just like you have never done that before and it's like, you know what it is. Like you almost have to release the egoic mind to transform and I just believe that like, I do it. I guess I have a lot of like

22:01 Interesting. Swati guided I think that people should start to like realize that a lot of things they do aren't really forward themselves with other people like you're saying when people dressing up to the nines and it's not like I'm alive Becca High School. I used to be like a lot more materialistic. I used to try to get your ass a lot nicer you spent a lot of money on expensive clothes. Like I don't like that's wrong at all. Like I feel like I said if you have the money and if it's what you like near rocket, but you know, I think for a majority of people like they're letting out of their means and they're constantly trying to play an image for other people went because they don't believe that they're good enough themselves just by who they are. You know, it's weird because as you saying that I am thinking because

22:48 Obviously like I've been on social media for since I was like eight years old I think but it's weird because there's like obviously like positives and negatives to everything but like the thing with social media being so prominent now, is that like if you

23:07 Are there trying to gain a following are you if you have a following or whatever people a lot of time I feel like what's that the valley of denial Valiums where it's like you have to continue to create this image and because

23:25 If your

23:27 Like if you in any way are like if you're making sales or selling art or whatever online to your social media, and then when you're following 6 to drop or like your algorithm is all messed up or whatever happens it like it's like your ego in your true self are at this huge battle and weird because it's social media which has been given to us, which I'm very thankful that our generation can have it and be like good with it. But it's there's also the negative effects that it's almost empty a cursing us to be our egos. Yeah. I'm into like kids. I mean if I'm not I I mean it's weird like if I post a picture everyday and I'm dressed and very eccentric I will get thousands of likes and I won't in that sounds ridiculous in this might sound ridiculous, but I might get 80 or 90 likes if I post a picture of something that I think looks cool. Yeah or something something that I really low, you know, why are dialysis

24:27 It means more to them legs more to me because definitely what I like. Yeah, even when it's it's hard though, because I'll be watching the numbers to Rob or something. But I'm in my head. I'll be like I like I'm an aquarius. So I stayed very true. How are you? It's like right on the 30th. But yeah, I'm like

24:55 But it creates a lot is like trying to be different trying to be there truth. And then so that's I don't know. It's social media has a weird condition on US. I feel like and I try to go through the process of recondition yam to recondition myself into what like truly I've always. Yeah, like think back. What did I want when I was four for sure, you know, definitely I didn't I don't know if this is interesting to see how those things.

25:23 Affect things but you're saying that's like your advice is like your social media back and feel like I'm not good enough like what you're saying like we constantly in this day and age like, you know, we let other people give us our own credibility are our own like validity like within ourselves like, you know, I mean like you're saying you post stuff that you think is cool when you get less likes then when you post a Sentry things and it's like, you know in and it's almost a game now. We're just chasing lights or chasing this week 18. But it's like once you get down to the root of it. It's like why you know, why does it matter? Like why does all these like matter? Why does making people like you that you don't even cuz the people are liking your stuff if you met them in real life, you wouldn't even like them and I mean does Instagram models that have hundreds of thousands or millions of followers who are stressed, you know depressed broke broke Lily broke that have hundreds of thousands.

26:23 Millions of followers like they can't monetize or channel. So it's just like it but then those people that have small cult-like following that have a couple hundred couple thousand that are making bank and I me and it's all about I guess I think about it for a marketing perspective and it's helped me understand from at the light reflected. Like there's no point in even trying to make people that that that you don't even care about like you because it's just like they're just never going to understand June and it's just like if you it's in and I got like right now I'm like I got me and I will talk about you and your brother just like this clients. I'm trying to like close to deal with that at all and like he was talking about. You know, how many how can we like it like a boogie only people, you know to see my stuff and you know that at all. It's just like it's is that what you even really want though, and it is there that the ego to see your stuff or do you want one person to absolutely adore it got changed their life Union like that that you're really impacting the purpose of Saint intention overproduction like being 10 full with what you're doing man. He I'm in so that's like like I was saying like for me

27:23 Personal lake lake with my business. That a Dalek. I realize like I was trying to make content for like math business people for the longest time and I realize that like, they're not going to understand what I'm talking about and it's like even if they were like I could have hundreds of 10,000 followers are hundreds of thousands of dollars. But like if they're not paying for my products or services like I don't care and it's not like I don't care if people like me to do that, but it's like I'm not going to go out of my way to try to impress people that I know aren't even my target market aren't even people. I would want to like hang around so it's like I think just nowadays in this age. I think the best way to build no friend groups or businesses or that's where that is to start small and to build groups of people that truly resonate with you and truly like who you are cuz it's like for me with the marketing Consulting this and I it's like if people come to me because they watch my content and they truly engage with like the type of person I am they're not going to leave cuz you know, they're not going to leave because someone else was a cheaper, you know, they're going to come to me because they authentically like me and they want to do

28:23 Mess with me. Yeah, man, I'm not riding Trends. I'm not you I mean trying to New York generate the most interest. I'm creating people who genuinely engage and genuinely care about me. And I think that is the way people should be using social media. I feel it's interesting because

28:41 Like I feel like I was very in tune with like the mindset started that you're speaking on before confronting my shadow and then I so I guess it's kind of like that drop again. Yeah, it is. It is very on a lot of things are very intuitive as we know these things like it's like when you talk to people to like it's just like it's stuff that we know we spend everyday. It's like it's like, you know, it's just a graph is the graph but it's like you're feeling that you're living in your experience and you're a man. I feel like after confronting the Shadow and it's easier.

29:18 In a way because your Shadow I feel like when I when I was in a stage of confronting the shadow parts of myself and I felt that like that mindset was gone now and I was like, where did it go? You know and I'm like and then like through realizing more and more of the things maybe that are on like the not-so-good side of you or whatever like

29:40 It's once you're starting to say no, I have to accept it. Anyways, then you're almost bringing that mindset back, but it's just interesting to see how it can go away. And then you have to bring it back through the negativity. Imma. Yeah, like through like kind of like what you're saying like well if they don't like it authentic lie like that they're going to come to me if they really do want in like it's kind of like almost

30:03 Like it within yourself you have to do that when you're facing Your Shadow by Fisher Shadow cuz your insecurities cuz people if people aren't going to always, you know, except you people are going to always liked you and I think that that's what people try to like. You know, they try. They just don't think that's the rhythmic note and not everyone's going to like you more and that's okay, but it's like, you know, you should stand up for who you are and believe in yourself and it should be like 80% You should validate yourself 80% internally and 20% you know externally from the likes of us about to know cuz obviously this thumb, you know, obviously you're not getting any likes or not getting anything with you know, you got to do something and I say something you meet me in the middle, you know be authentically yourself but speak their language, you know, I'm in and I and I think that that is the key. So I try to be me a try to just be you know, a hundred you know who I am, but I try to Taylor my message and I try to articulate who I am to how they consume content into how the mass my Niche Matt, you know, my niece like engages with content.

31:04 So that's why I like I had a whole bunch. Like I don't know if I guess I just ate and yeah, that's what just changed a lot of things. Like I just stopped caring about a lot of these like different business ideas like these fats or like all like, you know, what business model make you Brazilian dollars or like this or that like the next thing like yours is always going to be a next shiny object, but it's like what do you want to do? You know, what's your path? What's your path? Yeah. I might take you lie mean cuz like that's the thing to use like

31:29 People will say things to you that will try to bring you down like the it's like the temptation of quitting is trying to come at you. So like people like I remember someone told Marshall when we were like 17 years old will if you aren't like touring and like in a band and they doing all the stuff by the time you're 19 or 20, then you're never going to do it.

31:52 I survived the band with someone that's almost 60 years old and he told me he saw me at an open-mic a year-and-a-half ago with my brother and that you hope he went to perform at it, but it got too scared for them. And then last month we did the open mic together and he didn't tell me that until we already played the other for weeks and played it. So, and I was like dang like Jackson Browne when people try to tell you you can't do something that that's dumb projecting their limiting beliefs on to you cuz they can't do it and nobody does anything within one span of time. It takes some people 10 years to graduate with bachelor's degree. Rome wasn't built in a day and I mean whatever you want if it's truly like if you never stop trying to you know, if it's really your passion. Why does it matter human-like just do it? Yeah me a live life be happy and just do what you really enjoy to do and like obviously am I like a hundred percent where I want to be in life like no like, but am I happy

32:52 Like every day on my way to achieve it like I mean, I won't send you say yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm generally pretty happy like I'm living life and I'm just doing a lot like what I truly like to do. I'm being me and if it's like it and I'm either like just resonating in and having no contract and cool people my life or like if it's just people are I know who not to be around you know who I am. And so it just like it is as the constant like path of finding myself. I guess. I feel like I also like you were saying like starting unfriend Gerber business or whatever with the small like slowly expanding. Its that something that also I feel like my shadow had help me understand because like a lot of my friends I was like in active addiction was doing stupid shit. It's a lot of my friends like cut me off and then like I was like really distraught for a long time and then like finally like whenever I met up with someone to talk about it and stuff then he was like really like felt

33:52 Add an understanding. So I told him the total truth. I was just like this what was going on. I don't think what I did was right, but that's what happened School you and then she was like later like all like I feel like we didn't really go over everything. I'm still kind of upset and stuff. And in that moment. I mean it have been like 9 or like probably like between four and six months of me like completely alone now friends live this whole time without

34:17 Anyone else to like like coming to be? Okay, I know. Imma go see what yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I feel like I may be going to delay going to that like really give you a sense of eye Inner Strength at the end of my mind that no matter what that like. I was like, I love you, and I'm going to love you.

34:33 I don't love yourself a little to her know that I don't love people too. I don't love them all. So I love them and if they don't love me, they don't ya and that's fine. But I'm going to have to love me no matter what and tell if they don't want to love me. That doesn't mean I can't love them. I'll be okay I have left from you from over here and then you're ready to love me to death and if you never I don't care because I'm going to have to keep relearning to love myself my whole life. I'm not going to mess up again. I'm going to take that damn it you idiot but eventually like we learned the difference between shame and guilt like shame is like, I'm the stupid thing in my life or like I'm stupid thing in the situation in the situation isn't with stupid. Like if I tripped and fell then it's not stupid that I get that chair was there to me and with in a shameful mindset. I would think of course I fell down because it's me, you know, and

35:25 Like that's like something I feel like we're taught within Society in like within friends that don't really care about you. They want you to feel ashamed for the things that they don't like about you able to see and yeah, not fair. I know what you mean. Yeah, but like figuring out within yourself, that's why it's important because now you can also teach the people that you love because sometimes they just don't know yet and they got their own sake so far. It's not everyone's going to tell you. What should your fucked-up about them? Like no, but most people aren't going to hear I mean cuz it's just like it's within their nature. Nobody wants to just open up their cards and show you but it's like people don't realize like you're exposing your biggest insecurities and weaknesses of how you gained the most strength, you know in the most control all night. So it's like it's just how much you got a boss up but you got to learn how to accept who you are and like know thyself and and expose yourself but through that exposing is where you truly get the most strength because then if anybody tries to throw any Jabs at you or things and they act like they won't hurt anymore cuz you've accepted it in yourself and your work.

36:25 Count yourself and you know like her it might a little be like hey, like I already know this like tell me something. I don't know. I mean like but it's like what about you man? All you got to do is like project it right back at them yummy in and they don't want that. So it's like that me and this is why I don't want to be your friend. I just thought maybe we could work it out. You know, I feel like my interpretation of what you're saying.

36:52 I feel like you.

36:56 I'm even at the end towards the end of this conversation. I'm kind of unsure of what exactly.

37:02 You do or I'm not sure if I'm unsure of if you're sure exactly what you do, maybe while you're in Aquarius. I assume you probably know at least the path.

37:12 But you're you have an incredible message and incredible viewpoint on things that is empathetic and compassionate towards others and not pointing at people really, you're like, you're not saying like this like this person does this but you're saying like people think this way a lot and stuff. I like the view points that you have because you can see that it's not humans shed NH like yeah. It's a Guinness like society and I'm that look like I'd like, I mean, it's like going to a public school and all that like it's like everything that's ingrained into I am but you're saying compassion just when you realize what you want you realize that your aspects of yourself and you understand. I think it makes you more compassionate other people because then you can start to understand their flaws weather faults and instead of hating on them for it. You can start to love them and say hey I've been there before I understand what you're going through and it might not a hundred percent, but I generally believe like I know what's going on inside of hating you

38:12 I'm going to say you might wish you best then. I'll give you my email password if I see them and you can take that or you can leave it. But but you said but I can at the end of the day. Like you said I'm going to I'm going to love you. It's all love from this side. And when you're ready, like, you know, I'm here you give me chills bro. I really appreciate it. I can't have a conversation like this. A lot of people like it's just like not letting that many people have liked it until like two kind of like we even hold on. It's like this long. I am in the people like to distract themselves from things that are of extreme importance to humanity. Most of time Aquarius. They're like the humanitarian Sonia. I don't know. What what what do you what do you want to change about the world? Like, what's your purpose or like what I see? Why do with what are you doing? What you doing?

39:03 What's your goal in life? I know that I'm here to do to create things and to add to creation and to help heal. Like I can help people heal by showing them that I'm like, I honestly I show people.

39:21 That I'm going to like dig and if your if people show me their masks I keep I keep up. I'll be late. Okay, that's your I get it. But I'm going to keep staying until you show me the real one. I want to see the real face first and I'm not going to stop until I get that and it usually happens within the first few conversations. If not the first 5 minutes of meeting someone that they understand that I'm going to love them for who they are or I'm not going to judge them cuz I'll say I was going to judge you and I look like I might but then when you talk to me people most can tell from my voice that I won't get energy man just us then, you know, you can be true, but I want to know what you want to do as well cool. Yeah. I say that and I will wrap it up real quick, but I think me and I just want to know if I guess I just Inspire other people I want to just continue to find myself more and figure out who I am and just just be just be just be me. I mean, I live to be a role model and

40:21 My light and love, you know, nothing just through being myself and truly myself and not wearing that mask. I think that that's only I promise. I'll find it literally not having a mask. Like, I just don't want that a part of me and I think I want to just tell people that you can be 100% yourself. I have, you know, generally people except you're just at least respect you for just a hundred percent being you appreciate you.