Grishma Shah, Reveca Torres, and Matt Lauterbach

00:02 My name is Rebecca Torres age 34 in today's July 9th. I'm at the Chicago Cultural Center with grishma Shah and Matthew lauterbach as co-directors of the real Bloody Sunday Film Festival.

00:19 My name is Christian Michelle. My chronological age of 33. Today's date is July 9th. We are at the Chicago Cultural Center. My relationship to Rebecca and to mad is that that work with directors of reelabilities film festival. I'm really believe Chicago.

00:38 And my name is Matt lauterbach. I am 36 and today is July.

00:45 9th, I'm here at the Chicago Cultural Center with Rebecca and grishma my to co-directors of the real abilities Chicago Film Festival.

00:58 I think Chris really you're going to start us off with a joke. I think it's a joke, but I think everything's funny. So have you heard of this joke a director of a non-for-profit a film editor and a mass media consultant walk into a bar.

01:16 Okay. Well, there's a reason why you haven't heard of it. You should go on our website and find out why or I could tell you here. So all three walk into a bar in what happens real ability Chicago happens real ability. Chicago is part of the 25th anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act. It's a four-day film festival in September dedicated to film art an amazing panel discussions dedicated to articulating The Human Experience of disability. I think. You're welcome.

01:55 I guess we'll start off by how we met each other and how we have is three people.

02:01 Kept together and connected and we started this festival and I know Matt from a long time ago. So I don't know if you want to tell this story on how we met. I believe it was through the access workshop at Victory Gardens theater, which is Peter writing workshop and at the time that you and I both signed up for it. We didn't know each other but we both were interested in writing plays and it was free but it was part of its mission was to be open to writers both with and without disabilities. And so it was a cool group of people and Rebecca and I got to know each other through each other's words.

02:54 Yes, that was a really fun fun Workshop that we did again. It was free and I had just gotten out of school graduated in Room Theater Arts and was really interested in playwriting and I took that Workshop. So it was really fun. Do you remember anything that you wrote to remember a play of yours? Yes. I never finished my play. It's still in the works, I don't know how many years later but it's still a meeting about a young girl who her family is in Chicago, but grew up in Chicago, but they're from Mexico and returning back to Mexico and sort of this little fantasy.

03:39 Things that happened

03:42 But yeah, yeah, that's what I remember about your work. There was some really cool magical realism and fantasy stuff going on and I remember your playlist but Abraham Lincoln Highway C Abraham Lincoln, I think of you I am Lincoln time traveling to the present to tell us to not Alexa or or maybe it was vice a versa. Maybe someone else was telling you I know this is what it was someone extracted Abraham Lincoln from the past in order to tell him to let the South secede so is not very PC, but it was during all of the Bush controversy of over Iraq and everything and so I got the idea of a crazy person who is in control of time and Bullies Abraham Lincoln into letting the South secede.

04:40 Awesome every time I see what what is he a penny Penny? He's the guy every time I see a penny now, I'm going to think of mad because he may be there. He may not be there had things changed, right? Yeah. How did we meet?

05:00 Remember, I remember it. Well, we met you through Kari Sandal from University of Illinois Chicago as we were planning for this we contacted her to get some help and she knows a lot of people in the disability and film communities here in Chicago and she recommended you and she said you'd be awesome and helping us. So and you instantly became indispensable send all I was doing a fellowship at UIC. It's called blend and she you know works with disability and arts and disability art and culture and my background is in mass media Consulting and I'm very passionate about working with organizations specially filmmakers and film festivals that have a message that they want to send across

06:00 And so I was connecting with Carrie about how I can incorporate lend into that. And then the next thing I know I'm working with you guys and she becomes my advisor. There's just like scar great timing. I've got wonderful timing and then the rest is history.

06:21 Awesome. I think we've been doing very well together. By the way. I think we're kind of love you guys. I think I really like your wheelchair at mindedly fiddled with the Rebecca's controls.

06:41 Do you guys want to talk a little bit about how why being part of this Festival is important to you?

06:49 Go for it. I'm going to marinate I love movies and I love also thinking about different perspectives and different ways of being in the world. You know, I have the typical bipedal way of being in the world, but there are other ways of being in the world and I find it interesting to explore those so you can use Wheels you can use a cane you can read Braille and it's just mind expanding for me to think about issues of how how would I act in this world if I had a disability or an impairment of some sort, I've always found it interesting topic to think about I don't have any disability myself or at least not diagnosed.

07:46 Could you talk a little bit about how you got involved with the disability Wheel World? I feel like that's always interesting to me when people don't have a disability how they get connected into the when the world of facility. Yeah. I mean for me, I wish I had a profound reason it was basically just an ex-girlfriend who was in charge of the touch to a program at Victory Gardens theater, and I actually also met her through that access Workshop. So basically, you know free writing Workshop connected me with you with her. We we dated for a while and while we did she got me involved in audio description, which is basically describing visual things for people who are low vision often performance art related and really low.

08:46 Getting involved in that and started assisting her on the touch tours, which are basically these pre-show special offerings for theater patrons who have low vision and they get the opportunity to touch the props costumes. They may even get to come on so that if the set is safe and explore tactically the furniture and all the set dressings and I also describe to them things and the actors come out and introduce themselves describe themselves physically one without fail always says, I am exceedingly handsome or and it was just be a column out everyone laughs politely, but it was just real

09:46 Interesting and I've just maintained that interest really for close to ten years. And when you approached me about the festival I didn't have to think twice. I I wanted to be involved and plus, you know, Rebecca's part of it. So it's pretty groovy. She's a groovy girl Kirby. So I really like bats answer but I have to have a different answer. So I would say films give me a perspective of the outside. I I wasn't born with a disability. I had a tumor had to have my Army amputated and I'm so now your prosthesis so sometimes I feel like I'm in between E. I sometimes forget that, you know, I don't have an arm cuz you know, I was with Dan arm for like 20 some years of my life. And so knowing that I'm in between my perspective is so different. I really enjoyed learning about the perspectives of others.

10:44 And so that's where you know phone festivals coming to play and especially real abilities. And one thing that I really enjoyed is this one stone that we came across and it's called 47 out of 40 sacks and it's such a cool feeling because it shows you the perspective of when you are considered quote-unquote normal and then when you're not normal and it's so objective because or is it subjective. I never know the difference, but it's it's it's basically the the community is telling you if you are quote-unquote normal or if you're not normal and said then you get to see those two perspectives and I'm just like dumbfounded cuz one day you could be completely normal in a Mexican music and Blake. No, I'm sorry. You're not normal anymore. So what do you do? Do you try to be normal like that? But what if you can't physically you just can't change yourself in that way.

11:37 I think we were going to talk about our favorite films, right? Yeah. Wait, let me see right here, my friend.

11:56 I honestly never noticed. I'm also I'm not even kidding. I take me like 3 and 1/2 hours to take off this jacket. I'm shocked and embarrassed now. I'm just really good Minos playing it cool. So I do have a disability. I don't notice obvious thing you don't notice missing.

12:27 This is all so this is our way back.

12:33 Like a year

12:38 Do I have to be honest that it took it was about a month or so till I noticed that you had a prosthetic arm to I gotta tell ya and the only reason I noticed it was because I think you you were having trouble taking off your jacket or sweater like that. I just noticed a 5 minutes ago. I just thought it was a tight jacket. Wow, where is then? I'm mad. I love you guys.

13:09 What about your favorite films?

13:12 What's my I have a lot of favorite films that we have chosen for this time.

13:19 I think one of my favorites is on beauty and it is about a photographer who?

13:31 What's a fashion photographer but started taking photos of children with what is it meant? I forgot. Yeah, and I just thought it was really great because

13:50 At one point, I think my favorite line is I don't know if you can swear on this but it's a beauty and inner beauty because I think a lot of times people say in this happens to me all the time as a woman with a disability people say, I think they try and say it to be nicer comforting or something and they say like you just as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside and it's like, and that's that, you know, it's kind of a crappy thing to say about I have not but maybe I should

14:29 So I just I just the idea of beauty and self-image and self-acceptance. I think it's I think that movie has a really great message. So that's one of my favorites. That one is it is a great one. I love how it examines the medical model where you know, if it's business photographer who is just incensed at how medical books treat disability or facial differences or you know, whatever it may be and it just treats them like their lab subjects and he reacted to those images and really wanted to bring the world of fashion to the world of disability and he just does a great job of capturing the spirit of people in the inner beauty.

15:29 Yeah, it looks that actually can has a story with how we got real abilities to come to Chicago through backbones wishes. Nonprofit that I'm the director of we provide pure support for people with spinal cord injuries and their families and when we were when we were doing our website and in 2010, we wanted to have some images positive imagery of people with disabilities just living their lives doing normal things and we did a Google search everything that was on line was so depressing and it was, you know people in the hospital getting pushed by somebody else and their wheelchair or just very depressing images or on the other end. It would be a person in a wheelchair in the sunset with arms up in the air and they were gracious and very very inspirational and so is too different to spectrum's where you know, there was nothing

16:29 Nothing in the middle. And so we ended up hiring a photographer to help us with our website and to get some good really good images, but that kind of stuck in the back of my mind. There's no good images and we created as an awareness project. We created a photography project where we contracted are. We recruited 21 photographers from all over the country and we match them with 21 people with spinal cord injuries and have them document their lives and and capture these real images of people, you know going to work going to school taking care of their kids going swimming exercising are just regular stuff that people do everyday and so we launched that here in Chicago at the national museum of health and medicine and then we were looking for it to tour and we we got it to tour to New York as part of opening night of real abilities.

17:29 The New York last year, so it's pretty awesome. We had you know, we have never had an event in New York and I was so nervous that nobody was going to show up and it was like I swear. I must have been like 200 or 300 people to make it look that much. I don't know how many people were actually there. But but yeah, that's how that's how we got invited through the New York real abilities for us to host house this year. They're very much about collaboration and Community Partners, and I think that we're I think we're doing a good job so far at involving our community. I think it's such a pat on the back for all of us and from from what I can tell it's all done with volunteer and free labor. But really incredible stuff and just a different exhibit every year.

18:25 And we're going to have one on technology and disability that Rebecca is organizing but one thing I like you commented on the photography of your own website back and that's something I noticed everyone on the website just look like people I want to know, you know, and just really colorful shiny personalities shows show through on those photos. And yeah, it sucks.

18:57 It's it looks like the place to be your website at school. Well, I think and that's that's my hope my hope is to through and through images to start changing and end with us through film to start changing how people think about the stability. There's a lot of fear surrounding it and unknown and some people, you know are awkward about it and they maybe you don't talk to you on the street because they don't know what to say or they want to start a conversation but it's completely inappropriate. Like I've had people on the bus asked me if I can have sex or if I can have kids and I'm like you wouldn't ask that other person next to you. What makes you feel like you can ask me and is that a yeah like that. So it's it's interesting what?

19:49 You know what what people

19:52 Feel if they can ask her honestly. Do you want to know when they're curious about it? But they just don't know how to act and plus I have so many misconceptions about everything and then and then they get so nervous. I thought somebody was telling me like hey, can I give you a hand, Can you give me like three times? So sorry I said that I'm like why are you apologizing for not doing anything? So you might as well help me but if they get very nervous, they don't know how to respond and I'm like it's a joke laugh at all. You know, I laugh at you when you do something silly laugh at me when I'm not doing something silly, but that's why humans to write where they use humor and sometimes it can be pretty dirty humor, but it's it's a show that at maybe once or twice a year,

20:52 Victory Gardens often it's a solo performer or maybe a dance troupe and they're all performers with disabilities. But you know, they use a lot of humor and it's very cool to to be an environment where it's okay to laugh about it you feel comfortable and you know, it makes it a little easier to talk about

21:14 You're all humans at the end of the day all humans guys with my own family. I think sometimes it's like we joke around there is no.

21:24 No, I'm not safe from from joke. And I feel like sometimes people that are not part of our family or maybe that are like Outsiders listening and they're like, oh my God, they're so mean to her example. I can't think of anything right now. But I mean my brother's sometimes what time actually we were going up to this building and there was a ramp and stairs and I will say I have to go up the ramp in my brother was going to we walked up to it and just kind of paused a little bit with a friend.

22:01 And he says you can't walk you go that way maybe run some stairs. And my phone was like you are such a jerk. I can't believe you just did that and just like whatever, you know, it's stuff like that little things like that and I don't mind if this is the same thing happened this weekend. We went up the ramp. He went down the stairs and as I passed by him at the bottom of the stairs, I'm like you and you're able-bodied privilege. I know I had to do a lot of things and she's like lucky you and she would but yeah, I think I think when you actually laugh about it, you know, it just makes it you don't like the white elephant that everybody worries about you address the white elephant. And then the white elephant leaves, you don't talk about it the life out of the white elephants always there. You just don't know what to do.

23:02 I think it's changing though. I feel like we're on this. I don't know if there's an air of change for me I think and I hope it's for the better. I mean just with the film festival like, you know, I've noticed more things in the media or no just I just feel like there's a lot of changes happening positive change that to 8825, right? Yeah. He a 25 anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act Chicago at least is making a big deal out of it. I was even heartening to see they have banners on Wabash or something. So they're investing some advertising money in it too and hopefully it is succeeding it at raising awareness 25 Chicago initiative, which is through Chicago Community Trust and it's just bringing in so many partners. I'm really surprised at how many people just like jumped on board organization.

24:02 And some businesses and their they're working towards doing things for the city that will create better access or no just improve the quality of life of people with disabilities the four pillars right employment education Community inclusion and technology. So should we talk about what days were having our festival and where we're having our Festival?

24:33 Go for it. I'm scared that I have somebody else Festival is this coming September 9th through 13th at a variety of awesome venues. We got some shows at the cultural center at Columbia's First Row cinema at the national museum of health and medicine and down in Hyde Park. Come on down to Hyde Park with the Logan Center. I will get to Great films that we're showing there. And yeah, we're really hoping that people come out to see these films and to talk about

25:14 The issues. Yeah, there's so many other programming to that's going to go along with it really great panelists and just other Arts programming. So I think I don't like locations to write. Yes Notre Dame. They will be screening a couple films to just that was very cool that we were involved with them a student at Notre Dame contacted us and just was like, there's no representation here on the disability Community. We need to do something about this. Can we can we screen if a man kind of jump on this and I said, yeah and so I'm excited. They're going to be screening a whole lot more I think so. I think they'll be really great for to expose college students.

26:13 And our opening day is at Xfinity. No Studio Xfinity, which is at Comcast. They will be it's a new retail space that they just opened with all these cool interactive gizmos. Very very cool kind of like a cool Lounge, you know mixed in with some technology.

26:38 Yeah.

26:48 For me, I think that's what I hope to get out of the out of this Festival is to just expose a wide range of audiences to do these films that are yeah, they the topic is disability, but they're not they're not about disability. They're about humanity and they're about lies and stories and I think that any everyone and anyone can relate to to them somehow, you know, we know yes it's a festival about disability, but that's not all and and

27:36 I think I lost my train of thought.

27:38 Choo choos, I think what you were going to get other people outside of our communities to be a part a part of it. And actually I remember so I worked with an editor recently to create the promo video for the festive and you know, one thing that I said to him was we we don't want this to be like you no sappy music and inspirational shots left and right. It's basically, you know, people engaged and cool things and so we wanted it to feel exciting and interesting and it doesn't matter, you know that it's about disability or matters only to the extent that come learn this interesting story as opposed to come be inspired. And so that was I think I think our editor did a great job Kevin Fulham

28:38 Of of portraying that excitement and not just energy that we want the the film festival to have in the discussions around the film's to have and yeah, we hope that it's not just an audience mostly with disabilities. Hopefully, it's all sorts of people who come out to be really interesting and we were going to beat up my sexuality who doesn't want to talk about that and then, you know other fun stuff like employment. So it's going to be really cool and I think what I would want to get out of this Film Festival is again the humanity perspective sometimes, you know, you watch a film and you're like, oh it's about

29:22 Cancer and then I'm like okay, or was it about just a person and how cool they are and then it just happened to be that they had cancer and then they're like, oh we could have been that too. So there's that, you know difference of understanding and I think that's what's so cool about reelabilities Chicago that you're going to come and watch films, but they're about ball and you know, you're going to get to experience The Human Experience of disability, but it's not everything you're going to see a lot of things and you can call I do that. Oh my God, I do that a lot, you know well and so it becomes like, you know that connection that Humanity connection don't have a disability.

30:12 Is learning I think there's just ignorance not in a mean way but just ignorance out there about disability people just don't know and I've definitely been a victim of that of of ignorance and I think one of my

30:37 Make out right now today. We we have witnessed one of those little blind spots of mine another story. I would love to tell you is I'm kind of scared. What are you saying? Parking lot story? Oh my gosh. This is actually the best story The Rebecca and I were having dinner catching up. I think this was this before the festival or was it ever station about the festival and after dinner? We had a great conversation after dinner. We went to the parking lot where Rebecca's van was parked and you might think

31:29 People in Realtors can drive so yes Rebecca has this very cool Contraption where she basically has how how do you describe it? So it's a van with a lift on the side of it and a ramp that so the side door opens and the ramp deploys. I just scooped right in with my chair and the front seat has no seat. Yeah, there's no seat. I just pull right up in my chair locks on into the ground and I can drive I can steer using my right arm and I do the accelerator and the break with my left hand. However, this particular parking lot didn't have a wheelchair or a disabled parking spot. So I parked a kind of double-parked hoping that nobody was parked next to me cuz there wasn't enough room but it's Chicago and there's little cars that wedge themselves in there and I came out and I couldn't open my ramp because

32:26 There was a car right next to me and I said Matt. Can you please pull out the van for me? And then I got in and I was faced with this crazy looking Contraption. It was not a steering wheel. It was one lever, which whether I pulled it backwards or forwards had had a great effect on the car. It's very sensitive and they I said to Matt just pull it back and do and slowly release pull up by pulling back. It's the break and I said if you slowly release that your pup the band won't will come back to not accelerate just release the brakes slowly and once we've cleared the car, then I can get in and I said there's no seat. So you kind of have to balance yourself and I said I'll be right here right next to you to guide you and the window is open. But neither of us noticed was at the front two wheels were turn.

33:26 And as he released the brake the wheels ran right into me, which hit the my my foot plate my like it hit my foot plate which made my leg kick up and it looked like he had basically hit me and I mean you did hit me with the car with a car and out Rebecca described it as releasing the brake. I didn't just release the brake sounds like nothing's happening. I yanked child or a dog behind me Rebecca was to the left and I sideswiped her.

34:09 And the next day, I believe you went to the hospital straight to the hospital after the patients on my light in my legs, but I could tell that it was throbbing and I was like, I hope it's not broken and I don't want to wait till my body goes in shock or something. So I went I went straight to the to the ER end. I had actually just been in the ER like 2 weeks before because I have gotten pneumonia and people are already.

34:45 Oh, here's a funny story though. They took x-rays and everything and then the doctor came out and he said no you did not break your leg. You just have a sprain don't step on it. And then he looks over at me and he's like change the conversation. Well, you know if you had to have your foot amputated I would have never noticed.

35:13 Alright, so what's our website? What is the ability? It is ww.w. Real abilities chicago.org and it has great blogs. Yes. We're going to have blogs uploaded. Yeah, and I would love to have everyone in Chicago be a part of this and if you can't be a part of it share it so others can

35:38 Thank you.

35:41 Love you guys like you do.

35:49 Learned through that process I can multitask

35:57 I can write a bio for a blurb while taking a shower and finishing I've learned. I had a friend of mine. I advise, you know efestivals a lot of work is like I'm going to do it. Anyways, it's a lot of work. You wouldn't have ever imagined. Just how much work it is. And so with a full-time job. I'm I'm doing my best to help out but it's a lot of it is is the leadership Bend and just hard work of Rebecca. I have never been involved. I always set in theater.

36:45 Art, eventually now nonprofit and I always said my next career is going to be photo or film or something like that and never had anything to do with the film festival. So this is all new to me, but I love challenges. So I don't know what I'm doing all the time, but I asked the right people that do and I knew that going to you Matt and you knew what the people in Phila when you'd be able to help that way Christmas this year. What are the mass media connection? I feel like I've got it together a couple of people and a lot of times I feel like I'm telling people what to do, but I can't do it all myself. So I'm very thankful for everyone who's loose and joined in and pitched in to help and we've had some great help from Kari sandal at to the University of illinois-chicago why I feel like has had

37:41 Great conversations on the phone with us that that help have helped me understand what a capital G good film about disability is yeah. That's true you like I had my own my own perceptions of disability, even though a person with a disability but learning a lot from her like, oh that actually is not that good or like so I mean one one example is her critique of the film about Rodger Ebert life itself where I think I'm two conversations on the phone. She mentions this as as a film that the disability Community just couldn't get behind because Rodger Ebert was incredibly active in the disability community and the film didn't even mention it. So that's something we're like you think oh, it's about Rodger Ebert. He has a disability. It's a film about the disability, but it's not about disability issues. It's not a

38:41 Dancing, you know the the message that people in the disability Community would ideally like to be out there. So that's something we're like at the blind-spot. I would never have been able to critique a film that way but she's obviously does this per profession. And so I feel like I've learned a lot from her about what is a positive film about disability in the messaging and wording and then and how those things are important.

39:12 You don't think about it all the time. But the way that the things are cider mentioned really really make a difference in an impact on what people think or do. You know, I will say though when I watch movies now my friends like don't wear that hat don't wear that. You know, what is this movie trying to say hat. You need to wear the other hat. That's just like I'm just going to watch this film and have a good time and not think about it too much popcorn is shut up the disadvantage because though I was like, oh, I don't want to watch this movie because the portrayal of this crappy

39:55 Do you think a good feeling about this ability is basically pretty much for those of us who don't have a disability is portraying the person with a disability as a person and not bringing in the big elephant in the room, which is in itself.

40:11 Well, I think you can bring in the the elephant in the room. Absolutely. But what do you think about bringing in the elephant in the room and you know in talking about it? It's like okay. It's okay to talk about it and a lot of times like even I mean if you think about you know, like if you go down the street and there's a parent with a child and the child is looking at you all look at that wheelchair, you know and the parents talk at them and saved don't say that or don't stare. And so I mean from the very beginning children are taught not to stare not to ask questions when it's okay to do that and sometimes it's better. It's better to tasks questions and to be invisible and so I definitely I think a good film addresses that but it doesn't address it in a way that it's like this film, you know, this this is a disability. You shouldn't think this way you should think that way and you you're you're free to

41:10 Form your own your own opinions, but because of the way that you see those who this person is how they live their life and and how they interact with their Community. I will add that a lot of films show people as like inspiration and we call that inspiration pouring like Micah Hyde.

41:32 He brushed his teeth by his himself. Oh my God. Yes, everybody. Does that a person with a disability just going to find a different way of doing it. So if you want to watch Goodfellas, then you're probably going to watch a film that doesn't make everything inspirational or looks at every single person in this world as a person that has the ability to do something great. So they can Able Body person can also be inspirational right but you don't go and say oh my God you brush your teeth by yourself, you're able-bodied and you probably shouldn't do it with a person with a disability as well. And then and then the flip side of the inspirational coin is the tragic and I remember back to that access Workshop those days. I was very confused by the reaction against the movie about the female boxer.

42:32 Natcom Haiti gone Million Dollar Baby Million Dollar Baby where I love that movie and I cried at the end and you know, all of that one of the many people who really enjoyed that movie well conversation at the Access Project table was very negative about about that film and I was confused. I didn't understand. Why what what did I do wrong? Well the main character once she is paralyzed at the end.

43:06 Basically, her coach helps her die assists her suicide as if there's nothing more to live for and that is a message that's contrary to what a lot of people in the disability Community feel which is that a few no life after disability is life and you should choose life you, you know, it is not the end of your life. And so that was pretty eye-opening for me.

43:37 Are Eugenics right when they talk about how if you know that you're going to have a child with a disability than you know, maybe not go ahead with the pregnancy because for the same reason, you know, what kind of Life are they going to have? You know, luckily there's technology out there and they can still have a life and so it's just about perspective again, right? So hopefully this Film Festival will if nothing else show a different perspective about life.

44:10 And then the question is so do you think that you're going to do it again? Like it was a One-Shot deal.

44:18 Interior is already planted planner second wrap baby. So I think I would definitely want this to continue because I think I mean, this is the first year that we've done it and we've got so much support from the city and from the community and from organizations and businesses that I just think that it can only get better and we'll have learned so much. I like the two year and the next two years will have another ref baby. Yeah. Thank you.