Lupe Salazar, Natalie Rivera, and Beverly Nelson

00:03 My name is Lupe Salazar. I'm 51. Today's date is April 14th, 2019. We are into my own New Mexico and I am here with my my sister's with my my my sister's on Beverly Nelson and Natale better.

00:22 Hello, my name is Natalie Rivera. I am 52 years old today's date is April 14th, 2019 and I am in beautiful chumayo at Barrios unidos here with my sister Lupe Salazar and Beverly nice to meet you Beverly.

00:42 And Beverly Nelson, I'm 52 years old. It's April 14th. 2019. I'm in Chimayo, New Mexico with my co sisters my newest sister save the world.

01:00 Lupe how did you start bars and I also haven't heard that story yet.

01:05 How to put a la mode Amigo por El Amor De nuestros Hijos. I started I started looking into addiction about 16 years ago when my son

01:19 Went into jail and became on an intravenous drug user in jail. I couldn't find support for him. Like he fell into the the judicial system.

01:33 And it just escalated out of control.

01:37 I went from

01:40 One entity to another trying to make China understand how things could get so bad as he went into jail, and he every time he went in he just came out worse everywhere. I went.

01:56 No one listened. I would talk to individuals and they tell me to leave they told me I didn't know what I was talking about. But I saw I saw the difference in my son.

02:07 You know after he do a few days in jail, then he started doing weeks in jail. And then before you knew it, he started doing months in jail, and he would come out worse.

02:18 Is out of desperation with back to school and I earned my bachelor's degree in Integrative Health Science and I learned as much as I could about heroin and the more I learned the more my heart hurt because it wasn't just my son it became an epidemic in our in our area in the Valley Eye. I saw where inmates were being over-medicated and

02:48 I saw this revolving door at the jail fees go and they come out they go back in and it became this vicious cycle.

02:56 And

02:58 As I learned more

03:01 I saw the aftermath of this epidemic and that was

03:08 Family separated individuals overdosing we were the number one nation in the number one County in the nation for overdose drug for the longest time now, I believe we're at number 14.

03:27 And in my heart of hearts, I don't feel it's that we got better. I feel that other state started getting worse. So everything that we've suffered other states are suffering now.

03:40 With that being said I

03:44 Rio Arriba County has a very high rate of grandparents raising grandchildren. It is between 60 to 65% of grandparents and great-grandparents raising grandchildren with little to no support and I'm a statistic there as well.

04:04 And I couldn't understand how my son could going to jail and stay there months and come out and there were many times that he went back in the very next day.

04:16 Until I started kind of researching did I realize that the psychotropic drugs that they were giving him until for Maria at our local County Jail?

04:28 He withdraw and heat self-medicate and go back in there were many times that he came out and he was dirty and they sent him right back in and it just became the station cycle. So I am

04:46 Out of desperation. I went back to school and that was like the best thing that I could have done for myself because it not only put me in a state space, but it was also my sanity everything that I studied every class that I took.

05:05 I am corporated it as how

05:10 With this help someone struggling with Heroin. It was heroin this and heroin that and I remember sitting at the very front of my class because I knew they're there a Snickers and I didn't want to know who is making a lot of noises. So I would sit in the front and towards the end of

05:33 The before I earned my degree was in contact with the to my professors and we had conversations about addiction about so lost and I had brought this to the table because

05:51 Because of some stuff that I have learned about in the jail, and and one of my professors Tucker Brown it said, you know jails and prisons are built to break the cycle of an individual and so that just started

06:08 Started where we are today.

06:14 Lupe on my fine at fascinating it when you say heroin what it took me back to was the first time I realized my fifteen-year-old daughter was using

06:28 I knew it was probably some form of strong marijuana, maybe some crack. But when I finally found her after she'd been missing about a week she was a runaway and when I found out she was smoking heroin. That's the only word I could hear in my head for a couple weeks. Just thinking it not my child.

06:58 Anything but heroin because what I'd heard growing up where we where I've grown up or walk in Northern New Mexico real brothers and sisters up in the north. So if you know our area that we're family doesn't matter if you're from falak are Espanola, but just never thought it would happen because I was so careful. I was so careful with my children and tried to inform them. Let them know what was good, but was not

07:33 I was angry.

07:34 And I I thought it was a choice but come to find out in my work with Behavioral Health in the state. I realized it's not it's something that she's trying to numb their feelings that she's not expressed. Maybe losing her grandfather at a early age her uncle who she thought was her father after he had four years of incarceration. So there was a lot of trauma in her world lot of people leaving her and I think that's what Domino's a lot of our families Statewide Nationwide is that trauma that they've had to endure possibly some losses of loved ones friends that they lost.

08:24 And not being able to cope with that. It's unresolved grief that we've just been taught to just get over and and I don't think we heal and you bringing up that word again to trigger me because I remember that dreaming about it but nightmares that I shall never get off. It was what I thought now, I know there's a possibility recovery is possible. I see it every day in my work. So I thank you for bringing that forward and reminding me that my daughter is doing better. She no longer uses that but she self-medicates in other ways.

09:13 I know I know personally, you know how to my son not been the ticket the walking down the streets of Espanola.

09:22 I don't believe that I would have.

09:25 Pushed myself as much as I have out of that comfort zone out of you know, putting myself out there to wear.

09:36 You know people touched me because I I didn't turn my back on him. We don't you know, The Mamas Don't we can know and I remember going to places and you know the stigma and discrimination. I remember going into church for heaven sakes and the first thing they looked at where my arms and it really angers me and I thought you know

10:04 I carried him. We shared a heartbeat, you know for 9 months. We were one and I remember thinking, you know, we severed that umbilical cord at Birth but we don't sever the energetic umbilical cord and that's where we're tethered and where they hurt we hurt. You know, when something's not right. I'm I'm kind of knows you know what and it was like it was my drive and I remember Fernando telling me when I go to Taylor Maria, he would tell me you don't come on because I know you know, they're mean to you. I know how the guards treat you and I would tell him you know me Hasta la Muerte I'm not going to stop and he would tell me I'll do the time and I would tell him, you know, you don't realize that you do your time and I do mind time. It's just my walls are different, but we do it the same.

11:12 I'm here. Right Lupe we on the walls may be different. And we do do it the same everyday then going up in every morning. I wake up and I am pray that Tasha did okay, but she's all right, but she made it through the night and made it through the night that there wasn't.

11:33 A bad situation. She's not in a good place. She's in a very abusive relationship. And the reason for her staying is for the child and I get it because you'll do anything for your children. Even if it means you were staying in a situation that is not healthy.

11:53 For you because some of us tend to put others before ourselves, and I think that

12:03 My story with

12:05 Beauticians in my family mental health issues illnesses that I took on so much of everyone else's for so long that I interned got very sick and until I became a certified peer support worker actually before I was even certified. I think I was a certified peer support worker get the calls every day sometimes five or six and then I decided who is truly a pier and they will talk more openly with you because they know you have a similar story rather than seeing me behind a booth with an official cap on they actually know that there's someone behind that table.

12:55 Know that has enjoyed it with whether it's themselves or with a family member a lot of it's similar because we do we still go through the same things. We may not be struggling from the prediction of the drug. But we're feeling the pain of our child that pain that is there. It's very evident in obvious. I get the same sense as when she's my daughter's upset. I'm not well at home and not relive 60 miles away from each other, but I really mediately call and see how you're doing because I think the bond between a mother and a child is very very strong. So I do hear you. It's

13:38 It could be in different locations, but you're feeling their pain. It's my stepson.

13:47 But she is and I didn't meet him until he was nine, but he is as much my child as the two I birthed.

13:56 And I've always told him I said, you know, I know within a week when you're using again, so I know he said how do you know I said, I just know I'm your mom that he'll ask is pilau. I call myself isn't like Mom, but it's like you said it's that I had someone one time I got I was very upset of young man was walking down the street and he was obviously

14:22 Completely using it just finished using you could tell and he had wet himself and did not know it and he walked by and just a broke my heart and my friend looked Migos. Why is this bothering you just said, you don't know him but he's someone's baby was it at one point he was held in someone's arms and the world was his I send something happened in this world to give him this position and make you said it's hard when you realize that it's not a choice cuz I've said that takes if you can do you just choose to do this and then it's easier to have sympathy for someone else's child in my own, you know, cuz I would look up another child and say poor baby has to be clean, but we all have to

15:15 We have to realize everyone is someone's baby.

15:20 And we we should treat that individual as a human as our brothers and our sisters. Yes, because I think we're in this together. I do not see any difference in us and we are all together and we have a Common Thread and that is love and I think as long as we have love for each other no matter the consequences you smile at someone you give them their your hand let them know that it's going to be a good day. That's all they need is encouragement and if we all could have a little bit of compassion get himself.

16:01 Patience is something to try to buy my granddaughter three-year-old not the percentage of Grandma. Definitely definitely didn't see her husband's something since the conception of Barrios unidos and it's in Northern New Mexico. Term of it comes from the root word of me. Make it either my beloved my my love and the idea that we belong that an individual has of a space where

17:01 / there from where they belong where they wanted where they're needed in a sense to be able to bring home their their bones and that was something from from the root up is what I wanted to build body was on because I didn't

17:19 Because when I was in school, I thought you know, everyone's going to want to be a part, you know, and and help individuals and it wasn't necessarily like that. And so I thought you know what it's not about money. It's about Community coming together. It's about doing the right thing because that's the right thing to do taking care of our brothers and sisters picking up those that have been that have fallen those that have been left behind together. We would going to become a strong community and I always feel in my heart that you do a strong.

17:55 But I mean a healthy individually takes back their family because they're well and a healthy family can really need you to make a big difference in community. But a healthy Community can change the world. Yes. And so I I think of kitten Sia is the way we the way family was, you know, we always looked out for one another, you know, when there was a baby board, you know, everyone came around when you know where there was a celebration we celebrate it together when there was a loss. We we mourned together and now because of addiction there's this the same and so when someone passes away because of addiction very few people say, I mean, we know cuz it's a small community, but we don't don't share that so we totally don't begin.

18:55 Seal because that stays inside and so, you know, I remember when I was small we've come to Chimayo to my cousin's house and for Christmas, you know, we have Christmas within the next day we go out and we knock on doors and we always Christmas and they'd open the door and leave give you cookies or oranges or candy and it was just

19:22 Family, and so that to me is just something that I want.

19:29 Just tell her I just want that at that that flow of energy. Just you know, when when you see someone there just that smile. I see you you're wanted your needed your acknowledged as a human being that's important. No matter what you're dealing with now.

19:52 There's always hope that tomorrow could be better and you lupum have inspired that can NCR at Barrios unidos book the talking about it. People are know that they could come nobody else if they need to talk to someone to have a meal just to know that someone's there to care for them.

20:17 And in the work I do that inspiration of unity that I feel working with you is is so uplifting. It makes every day fighting that battle of looking for how we're going to fix things. You've given me such. Hope even though you do everyday get up, you know where we like I do but I think that's what feeds me is that there's still so much to do and we need to keep working and keep building our love letting folks know that we're not going to stop it's going to continue and

21:02 However, I can help that. You know, I'm here for you and I just want to thank you for everyone you've served in Northern New Mexico when she Mario our families our loved ones. Those are probably saved just because you told him you loved him.

21:33 Got to know one another and the kind of work that you do.

21:37 Oh great, Natalie through the CPS. W.

21:46 Do you remember how we met Natalie yesterday first did my training? Yes. I remember that. Okay, we can get with a peer support training. I remember calina Mark and ask him if it was. All right, if I took the training and just so much that I learned and just knowing that I was in the space where I knew I was home, you know Oprah is my family. Yes, and that was the first day we met one of our offices is the office of your recovery and engagement where are fantastic staff trained folks would lived experience in recovery over two years to try to get them out and communities working with our folks that would actually prefer to speak to appear that has had the same struggles that they have because it's a lot more impactful sometimes.

22:46 Just saying you don't need your counselors your therapist your your doctor's that's important all important, and it depends on your specific way to recovery, but

22:59 I was so happy that you came to the training that day and that we were able to build our relationship from there. And I think after that you becoming a certified peer we decided that body will send me those needed to have a recovery event guess so I think from their kind of just snowballed and we have funding and we said okay body if you have $5,000 you can do whatever you want with it a lot of money, but it was starting to build the momentum that you're here and feed your community educate them build resources around them and just show them that there are folks and recovery, and those are the ones that come out to build. This network is the ones who have lived.

23:50 Hi, 10 20 30 40 Years of sobriety that they knowed giving back is truly what keeps them going and it's just amazing to see how many people are willing to come out and share their story and we did over with 15 last year hoping this year is even bigger but it's this personal stories that I hear about six months later to remember that gentleman who told his story that was from me. No, Espanola. Do you know how I can get ahold of him that we want him to impact youth. You know, we're not working on the youth Summit. Hopefully, that'll go big but those are the folks in the contacts we make that we know individuals will continue this passion of recovery in their own world by giving back to others.

24:43 And that's been mine too in my early twenties. I drank a lot. I didn't realize I could be.

24:52 Told I was an alcoholic. I just thought it was the norm but now being in my world. It's yeah, I probably was I

25:03 Did it at night and I drank and I enjoyed it, but I never got myself in trouble from it. So I was lucky I was fortunate but I truly know it can happen to anyone of us. And as long as we continue trying working hard helping others and having the friends and colleagues providers like Barrios unidos who is truly open to their communities is what's going to strengthen our base.

25:36 Do you remember how we met Beverly?

25:39 It was really cool. I think so too. Well the last few years James my husband tonight. We've had this dream of a rehab Farm where people would come to get clean and learn learn a new skill learn a new lifestyle, but my son was using heroin we had to send him out of state.

26:05 And he was trying to get better and I was sitting here stewing in the whole thing of what when he comes back. I'm going to be so strong with him and we got to realizing that we have to kill the families. Like that's what it just drew me to you instantly cuz we can share the addict but it's like taking the fish out of the poisoned water when we put he lives in the clean water. He's cleaning his back and poisoned water. He's poisoned again and even with my best intentions, do you know it was going to be poisoned water if we didn't have healing so we saw this

26:40 Place where families came together QQ may just came together to get healed and cleaned and clean their water and we thought well if we have to do step at a time.

26:50 And so we got the food truck and we can use the food truck to do Outreach has and you save up the money then we're going to find a farm and we're going to do with all these contacts people that said, you know, what you start your Farmall come teach people to be a plumber. I'll come teach people to be an electrician. I'll come we had all the plans but then we sat there going will help.

27:10 And what am I friends? Joanna Lolo? We're talking about Barros unites having an Outreach giving out coats and I went and looked at a web page builder home. And so we contacted Lupe and realized instantly that we had the same vision for the world. We're going to kill this world with love and with food and acceptance not just individual, but everyone that loves them these are too and so we are going to do this and I I remember

27:44 You know just feeling so blessed when Flex tape when you first came and you left and I just sat down and see you to myself. Wow. This is amazing. And then we did our first Outreach and that was amazing and then the burritos and how

28:05 You know how

28:07 Community was hard and I remember walking into the perimeter there at at Walmart in asking because they had made a t breakfast burritos and beautiful Boutique and I remember walking the perimeter there at Walmart in asking people. You know, what you like Caputo. Why would you want to give me a how much are the ineffable we're not giving them away or just you know where we're trying to engage Community we're giving them away and we'll why would you give me a burrito because that's what community does and there is this one particular man, and he was like all mad and sitting on his motorcycle and I don't know how much are they and they go for not telling

28:56 And he looked at me and he opened his wallet and I do not I don't want your money I come that's not why we're here.

29:04 By the end of the conversation he got off that bike and gave me a hug and I was like, that's cool. I thought to myself but just going from one spot to another and him is individuals. We're in like kind of like afraid and I think it's because you know, this discrimination has been so hard on individuals and not just the individual with the whole family and you know this at the last Outreach that we had, you know, there was more people and they were just coming. Yes. Yes, and it's fake. They're okay, you know, they're not bad people. And so I think that's pretty cool cuz

29:52 You know, just just the way that they could come out and I know that you know next next week for Easter Sunday, you know, we're doing another burrito Outreach and you know, I'm not a very church-going person cuz I

30:12 I'm doing what I'm doing here. But I feel that if Christ was here. I don't believe he'd be sitting in church on Sunday morning or for Easter morning. He'd be out in the areas, you know tending to abscess in the streets. They handing out food. You don't need to be out there as a as a Shaker, you know not being passive it and that's what I appreciate about both of you because you're out there, you know, and and it it's not a an 8 to 5 job. It's a 24/7 and it's not just a funeral Monday through Friday job. It's a 70 job and

30:58 And it maybe I should even call it a job. I think it's something that's just been placed in our hearts and calling yes because we know the pain and you know, my my dad gets like really stressed out with me because my life has stopped the way it was, you know, and I'm always here and you know, he's 89 and and he tells me the stats on Two Mile, you know your dad and he tells me when they nunca vas a comer con la porqueria, you know, you're never going to get rid of drugs.

31:40 And I told him that that's not what it's about. You know your enemy pienso. Nesto. Dad. Let it go pedal. Cuando ya sunny. When does that and dare? Do you know when your whole body mind and emotion? It doesn't matter if there's heroin or meth all over the floor. They're not going to choose that. They're not they're not going to need that to cover up or medicate because they're going to be well and so that makes me think of

32:10 Are in our current healthcare system has been looking at a diction from the wrong point of view from the outside. And you know, we put Band-Aids and we put some guys here and there and you know, maybe a little Botox but we don't see addiction from the inside out. What is the root cause and I think that's where we got so sick because you know, I am not knocking medication at all because I know that we need mats. We need medical assisted treatment. I know it's important but we also need wraparound support. We need a one-stop-shop. We need to address addiction, but we also need to address mental health and Behavioral Health in the idea that people get institutionalized in one spot not sending one individual here and then another one there because they're not well and if they burn Bridges

33:10 At home, there's not anyone to trace them and so I don't when I think of the root cause of addiction then I think to myself.

33:22 Will will a 5 come to the idea of a soul sickness of of this sole separation of Soul loss. And what does it mean? You know what I know now when I was in school there was a few professors that said will that is not in the anatomy. So therefore it is.

33:42 But I know that it is that's what makes us unique. That's what makes us who we are and that was our soul. And so I remember as a child my grandma would say, you know, when there was a brand-new baby, you didn't take this baby out, you know, you know, you know, you know that there were there could be something that would get into the baby like an entity.

34:14 I remember, you know when my little brother would fall, you know, you're not let your sister, you know, he's got scared. And so I'm thinking, you know, all these things were very real and they were very important and somehow they became wives tales and that credibility kind of stop.

34:39 But I'm thinking that that's where we need to to look at. You know, I understand now, you're just a few weeks ago that there are doctors and scientists that study the soul there like psyche.

34:58 What is it the study of is pathy. So there's like Psycho-Pass psychopathics or something and they study the soul and when I found that when I'm a very good friend of mine told me you told me what are doctors that do that lupid. There's just you know, this is author. You should read him. He's he's written books to the doctor and I just cried and I thought will where the hell are they? Why haven't they come? You know, what has been the highest in the nation for overdose death. I haven't they come in or do they waiting for her? And so then I thought you know, we can't wait for the Calgary to come in. We need to start taking care of our people and if we need, you know some curanderismo if we need to tell my scalp if we need a limpiar if we needed a year there a part of Terra aqua

35:58 Did you know she's our all our old traditions?

36:04 And someone came in and severed the body and they took us apart and we never really had the strength to come back together and I think to keep that's why we got so sick and we didn't get better.

36:23 I kind of snakes and focusing on the symptoms are in the symptoms and not showing the cause.

36:32 You know.

36:36 All addiction from MiO from my novice point of view of having just seen it.

36:43 Mostly in real life it's rooted in pain of some sort the soul sickness their damage. They're hurt and they're using it to stop the pain to know.

36:56 And until we address that part we make them feel whole again. It's not going to be a diction won't stop.

37:07 We just

37:10 It's so hard because I've worked in so many different class levels from you know, being in the ghetto to being with the rich kids.

37:23 And while it may look different on the outside on the inside, I see the same damage, you know my babies on food stamps and my babies wearing only the most designer clothes.

37:37 Want that hug in the morning for me?

37:42 El I have students that have lost parents to the drug overdose

37:49 They're being raised by their grandparents in Los Alamos and in Auburn Washington where I was blessed before.

37:57 It's everywhere in until we come together and say we are a people and we love each other and we're going to heal this into the same. Well, you're that and you're this and there just an addict blend there a meth addict which is different than a heroin addict. What's a different than an alcoholic or

38:16 An overeater or someone who shops all the time. All everyone has an addiction family being abused or being abusive can also be another addiction until we realize that we all can be in that same spot.

38:34 And it that everyone is someone's baby if we can keep both of those are mines, then we can do this and we are doing this. There's a story I love and I explained it to my husband first cuz he always wanted to help people but he thought you had to be rich to help and haven't been an elementary teacher. I know that I became a teacher because I was going to save the world students in a classroom at a time. That's what it was and there's a story where I'm ants walking on the beach and the tide is out and he sees a little girl picking up starfish and flinging them back in the water.

39:09 And he asked you what are you doing? She cuz I'm saving the starfish. He said that this beaches miles long. This is going to be high here in an hour. You can't save them all. How can you hope to make a difference and she picks up one and looks at him and says a major difference with this one and threw it in the world and I decided that is how I have to handle the world.

39:30 Beautiful ghetto. So that's my guiding story. And that's why I what am I eating starfish to one person at a time. I never let you down that easily.

39:55 Other forces that are against us and that's why every day I wake up and I say look up to my heavenly father in ask for guidance and support love compassion because everyday it requires that strength but I was asked the other day. I'm now 6 years on my job and I got a certificate ride over a year late, but I got it and I looked around the room.

40:31 At the folks I work with and I said it's because of each and everyone of you give me the strength and the hope that you all could do this. I know so many others can and there will be one day when my daughter looks back and said I did it I did it and so I have to have that faith. I have to inspire Unity within our communities and in my world and in the world of my friends and my loved ones, so yeah, thank you. I know I feel the same. You know, I feel like I know that out of

41:11 Desperation and determination. I started this path but had it not been for friends and and sisters in unity.

41:22 You know, I would have been discouraged a long time ago. So, you know, I know that you don't both of you inspire me.

41:31 You know, there's many other individuals out there that on any given day when I'm like really down in a doubting myself. Wondering you know, this is especially when somebody has passed away if it hits home and or when there's like a group of amino like you there's two or three that passed away in a week. I'll get this phone call or I'll get an email or I'll get a text and it's just like this perfect timing and that's what it's been because

42:05 I'm just a mom. You know, I'm just a mom that

42:10 Has seen my son at his worst and only by Grace do I still have him and you know, I'd I didn't come from you know you I had my high school diploma, but

42:25 Evil that even wasn't enough for for my community. So I went back to school, but it's been like

42:34 Like this or like the energies have been aligning up and it's like this is click here in this is there and this is and it's like this puzzle is coming together, you know, just you know where I was a square into this round Peg, you know, it just like all the sudden just turned around and it and so I know that in the night is stubborn me. You know, I'm as I pray and I put one hand in the other and I say, you know Here I Am Lord use me and in the morning when I wake up and I'm like, I don't even know how to do this. It's like you asked for it move forward.

43:19 And you're so strong Loop. If you can't figure it out, you'll figure it out.

43:28 Numerous calls, sometimes it isn't that I don't with in a couple of hours. She's got it done and every day you amaze me of your strength and you know, when I least expected a Mountain Community, there's group it. She's presenting, you know, she's there advocating for the fight advocating for her people who are struggling for her friends for her son and

43:54 I just want to tell you how grateful I am that you're in my life and that you're helping so many of our people here in Northern New Mexico that otherwise would never even think about how you're giving them that little bit of hope. We never thought we get because people gave up and I still see that I still hear, you know, trying to break down the stigma. It's happening but it's a slow process. Nothing here happens overnight. I'm the type that I want it done tomorrow, but I know changing people's perspective is going to take a lot of time and sometimes it won't until it happens close to home. So

44:41 When I see when this happens that you know, it shocked the community I take that as a this is my time. This is when we got to bring us together with got to come in and start educating. That's when we start breaking down the walls because until then our community and our culture does not allow us to want to talk about it. It's easier for us to say

45:11 Hope they left to go visit a family member out of state then to say my child is in detox. I hear from families that they would never say they had a mental illness. They would rather say they had a substance use disorder to Mia goes hand-in-hand. I believe that you start with some type of a mental illness that could turn into if you are self-medicating and you've not asked for the help. And I hope that you need it. So in my world right now, I'm focused a lot on our children. How young can we get to build their education building resources build a strong child from the beginning in hopes to have educated them enough?

46:04 Two if they are struggling with emotional issues depression anxiety that we are able to see those signs and try to get them the help that they need Daddy's I have young babies myself my grandchildren but they're all around me my grandchildren and I want constantly watch their behavior the way they are with one another are they angry, you know anything to do with that because now I'm aware now I'm educated even though I was agitated. I really wasn't now I'm educated now we're educating the educated. I love that saying the other night and I said, well, I guess it's time we had to keep the educated.

47:04 Gators that just strictly went to school to be a teacher to be an educator not see the signs of a child is being abused at home and in our state there's been lots of drama with our children that has been a direct result of drugs. And so how can we start at a young age and with interstate now, we're trying to implement Pax good behavior games which receiving a lot of progress and Lupe you'll be happy to know what walk is going to be trained to Sommer Elementary kids. So I think we've got to do something and that's a good place to start along with all the other initiatives, of course that you got going on in our folks around the state but we're going to do it guys and that's why I don't hide what's happened in my family. I will look people in the eyes.

48:04 My beloved stepson is a heroin addict. I don't make a apology for him. I don't take the it's not my fault. He's there but

48:16 Just one of the things that's you know, a lot of people uncomfortable when I say this, but people people look at me and they say white blond haired blue-eyed privilege girl with actually it wasn't I came from a very poor family, but still I had that and so when I tell him know it happened to my son they will stop and look at me and say,

48:41 Wow, is it any can happen to anyone's child?

48:47 And it just it cuz then it's different, you know when they see things when they see my son Sitting on This Plane need to see my son sitting on the street corner.

48:57 It was different because then he was just an addict but when I say

49:03 I'm a teacher and this happened to my family.

49:07 Oh wait, so it can happen to anyone. Yes, it can it's not a disease of the famous. It's not a disease of poverty. It's a disease of our world.

49:23 And if we don't acknowledge that if we keep hiding it, you know, cuz I had a friend tell me, you know, you don't have to tell everyone about Xavier is drug problem. I suggest I do if I tell him about his problem then they come to me I had to teach her friend come to me she goes.

49:40 My niece is an addict should we don't know what to do. I said talk to me about it talk to other people about if we all recognize that. It's something that can happen to anyone that we can heal people doesn't matter your financial status how old you are? No, it has no discrimination. And I think that's the message. We need to share because a lot of folks who wrote I don't want any naloxone. No one in my family. I get a little upset about that because they're not well-informed their own mother their own grandmother could have had a severe illness cancer, you know suffering with cancer.

50:34 And have been on medication opiates for many years. Now, you're mad at your medical doctors are pulling back on over-prescribing for obvious reasons. Now, we have seniors Grandma and Grandpa who could be isolated in an area in which were all so it it doesn't matter. We've got to protect everyone from the babies to the senior kiss and everyone in between. So yeah, it really does make me angry when I hear that that will you know, you're going to just give him the locks on so he can go and do it again tomorrow.

51:14 And I said well, but what if he doesn't

51:17 That's right. What if I talk to lots of a headache when I talk to her family and the ones that have quit if there was a key situation and we never know what that triggers going to be that makes them go until what?

51:32 I can break this.

51:34 We never know that maybe that one dose of an Alexa will tell them how we have a young man here. That's not working with Lupe and he told me flat-out I got caught doing something wrong and I realize my child saw that and not boost my trigger to get better when my husband was a teenager. He used drugs and he said one day you looked in the mirror and he's blind I'm dying. I have to stop.

52:10 And he did

52:13 You know and so I'm waiting for Xavier to find his trigger so far. He hasn't but I know that God will.

52:21 God will help him find his trigger.

52:24 So we had can't give up if we give up and I've tried to help you. But if I give up on him, she is dead. I can't give up even if he's continued to use. It's been 5 years of rehab 5 years of jail 5 years of my crying and praying and yelling and threatening.

52:44 But you know what that's 5 years and I've got a woman at my church two years ago. Her son for the same thing.

52:56 Bicycle

52:59 And if I don't care what it takes, I'm going to make sure every baby still alive. I don't want anymore children anymore Sons anymore daughters to die of this and if we just sit back and say

53:13 It's their fault will get over it eventually won't you know what? Maybe they will but not if we don't tell them. Hey, yeah, you're using yeah your stone, but you know what? I still love you here with you when you gave him the burrito and I took his hand and you looked at Migos.

53:40 It's been years since anyone's taking my head so I could both both my hands, you know, I haven't seen him again you will but I'm hoping that that's because maybe I touched his heart and he went, you know, maybe I do deserve to be healthy because a lot of them think they don't deserve to be healthy. Maybe I do to start that woman was nice to me for no reason maybe I deserve to be healthy. It was Unconditional Love and Other wasn't a condition put on it. If you're clean, and if you're doing this, then we're going to love you. Well, you know what and usually work people in Behavior specialist for children.

54:21 And I have to tell people flat out.

54:25 When children are being naughty.

54:27 Can you correct them? They don't usually say thank you for correcting me this oh, yeah, you think I'm going to get better? You won't love me if I'm worse place. I want to show you how bad I am. Cuz one of us is crazy. Are you saying that I can be good? I know I can't be cut every once told me that one of us is crazy. It's not going to be me. So I'm going to show you won't be so naughty you won't love me and you give up on me and you proved it with the voices. I hear and beside myself are correct.

54:58 And then a lot of time so unfortunately we go. Well, yeah, you know what you're right, but if we don't we say yeah you used today, but you know what you don't have to tomorrow.

55:09 Maybe they will follow that.

55:13 We have to let our voices you know that way now.

55:17 When you had set up.

55:20 I'm not sure when it was said but

55:24 From Community Fernando has been back out of prison. The first time you went to prison cuz he's gone twice and he tells me you know, I came back and nothing's changed. Everything's the same. And so that stays in my head and then even handed up going back to prison and as I was driving when they just because a friend of mine was giving us a donation. She came from Albuquerque. She wanted me to meet her in Santa Fe and on the way up there. I thought to myself, you know, in order to see that difference is kind of like we're going to have to change the week Community is and how do you do that? You know, how on Earth does one do that because

56:14 Even if they keep going in and coming back out and it's still the same.

56:19 It's it's kind of like come up as a losing battle. And you know what you said, you know about not using tomorrow. What is it that they have here, you know, they can't even go to town without being like harass you. I remember I was at a meeting Wendy and thinking and talking out loud, you know Rio Arriba County has had so much money funded through the state through the federal government, but not millions of dollars.

56:57 Because of these individuals because of people struggling with addiction and we should have I remember saying we should have Lazy Boy sofas on every corner of the street and chocolate fountain flowing with chocolate you know so they could sit there and eat because they're the ones that I brought this money and you know that they going to Domino's and they chase them know they go to Walmart and they chase them they don't have anywhere to go crazy

57:33 But I definitely will.

57:36 If you all are discus.

57:40 Your hopes for the future in terms of lightning rule health.

57:46 Mental health addiction to think about what your hope would be for the future Generations.

57:58 You know that my hope would be that we could get a crisis triage.

58:05 And this crisis triage would take every individual that walked in with her. It was addiction mental health behavioral health institutionalized homelessness hungry everything and so that we could have a positive because he people struggling out there have families that love them and when they hurt we hurt we all hurt, you know, that's what I would like to see you. My daughter has struggled with addiction and it killed me to know that she would go with

58:39 Men into their homes to use if we had a place where they could use.

58:49 And I know that that sounds creepy but there's always that opportunity that they'd want to get clean and instantly there would someone to help them. It wouldn't be cut stuff it would be stuff but you got nowhere to come from.

59:04 Well, I know that there are other countries that are ahead of the game on that and I've seen several presentations on that where they have safe injection sites. I think is I'm what they say it is and I think trying to bring it into the u.s. Is going to be very difficult. That'll be all about policy changes folk Advocates. I'm your official leaders that have to start sending that message. I'm at the state level to be able to get even to the federal level. So I don't see it happening anytime soon. But I do agree with you that could be what changes the lives of so many to wear at least we know they're getting to safe levels of injection on the potential of infections if they're using a dirty syringe or they're using dirty water off the street or however it is that they mix

01:00:04 Their drug was going to say medicine, but I do agree crisis triage someplace where somebody could just drop in a drop-in center, which is a lot of what lupus does butter expire. I'm not dropping Center what I see wood would be a dream if I had one to say if I had $1000000 or 10 million dollars. It would be crisis triage to have that Pier run living room style as you walk in the front door and then Services beyond that, what is it you need and then at the back end you got here support coming out. So when you come out that back door you got these tools in the toolbox needed to protect yourself be strong and then also commit

01:00:54 Yourself to helping others

01:00:57 So we take care of our Workforce as well. We employ our peers who are struggling to find a position because the records don't allow him.

01:01:08 K are they test dirty because they're on mat medical assisted treatment. So I guess if I had the big dream.

01:01:16 That would be at and it would be pure Run by Sweet have to have a specialist in there. You know that your certified social workers your therapist faith-based organizations. Do you know just the whole mixture of it all and also having the families that are able to come and see their loved ones? That is what I think New Mexico needs also a clinic and she my old would be wonderful. Okay why we've not at a clinic here.

01:01:49 Ever

01:01:50 I just it's hard for me to comprehend.

01:01:54 I'm so we have two bars.

01:02:00 I guess.

01:02:02 I can't just say It's My Hope because I have put my whole I put my hole.

01:02:09 I've got the plan.

01:02:11 We're going to do this there is going to be the farm there is going to be the place where the whole family comes to get. Well together. Not just the addict we help the addict through their addiction help them find the reason for the addiction. So they work past addiction than we give them the education the support and love we give them the job that they can go get it. I've actually we've written out this three-year plan where the first year you're getting healthy II near your family and you are getting healthy in your third year, you're helping other families, then they come in and you say hey I did it you can do it. Hold my hand. It's going to be okay.

01:02:48 And then the kids were taught hate. This is what happens when we don't validate our feelings when we don't take care of ourselves. So let's figure out how we can take care of ourselves. So we don't have to go through this again and asking them what makes you happy. What are the things in your life in your soul that feed you other than drugs? What is it art? Growing vegetables painting? What is it being a teacher being an educator working in public health working in Behavioral Health working to strengthen our families unifier communities what feeds you cuz that's what's going to make you want to do more because you really you're proud of it. You can wake up in the morning.

01:03:42 That Pride I've seen some of the rehab centers and I know they're trying their best but there's no Pride. They're the people don't have the pride. You know, I took Xavier and he complains that there are bed bugs will then do something to fix that. I said do something about it. I'll go I'll buy you the stuff you go do it take some pride in this what you know, of course was not necessarily the best way to put it but I'm still learning of Pride if everyone gets a sense of love and finds a way to help each other heal this addiction problem will

01:04:20 Cuz we are stronger together alone. We can't do this but together we can move mountains and we have plenty around here to move.

01:04:36 Heavy rocket in Sia. Thank you for giving me a chance to be able to.

01:04:46 Do what I've always wanted to do.