Kryszelda Mendoza and Jhaleh Akhavan

00:03 My name is kryszelda Mendoza. I'm 27 years old and today is February 6th 2016 and I'm in Washington DC and we've just met.

00:15 My name is Ali. Akhavan. I'm 30 years old today is February 6th 2016. I'm here in Washington DC and I'm happy to meet you.

00:28 So you want to talk a little bit about your work and what has led you to that work? Sure. So I am currently a physics teacher in Chicago. I've been teaching there for the last five years and I came to Chicago by way of Teach for America and Teach for America.

00:54 Definitely change the trajectory of my career in my life because without it I wouldn't be a teacher. I was in school to be initially a doctor because of my family really really wanted me to do I went to school and made it in physics and realized I didn't want to be a doctor and talk to my family after a long time until letting me go to graduate school to get my PhD in physics and then realized I hated working in a lab. So then I decided that I was going to try to teach and that's what brought me here. My family wasn't the most thrilled about my decision still not but I love what I do and I continue to do it.

01:44 Was there something that made you pretty lady turn to teaching next and that I worked in my work study in school was at the in Education Department of the Museum of Natural History and a lot of my friends thought that you know, I was really good at what I did and I enjoyed being around students and and that kind of energy so they were like, you know, you should try teaching and I was like, that's great, but I can't afford to go back to school. So I looked at other options and a friend of mine actually worked for Teacher America, and she was like you need to talk to this person and then you're I am I guess so, how long have you been teaching now about 5 years? I

02:31 I've taught all in Chicago to Teach for America put me in Chicago and I started working on the westside teaching physics to do freshman. So is that I got hired at a school where physics didn't exist until I walk through the door. So it was kind of fun to try and figure out how to do that. So are you creating the program there? Yes. Yes. So the assistant principal who hired me really really wanted physics to be in part of their science curriculum because it's kind of foundation of Science. And so she kind of gave me this book and a map that you like have fun. It was it was an interesting experience. How did you go about creating that?

03:24 Well, I wasn't very successful with my initial, you know efforts. I I was so if you can imagine I was fresh out of college and I had a really intense of physics kind of background. So I felt like all cuz you tell her what I learned which was not reasonable. So I approached it in a very I guess like this is what a college class looks like and they were 14 and not very receptive what they needed. So I was very like content-driven my first semester and didn't didn't go that well and then reflected a little bit on, you know, what made me initially fall in love with his ex and and why I like school so much and realize I was not doing any of that in my classroom and said, okay. Well I need to do something different because I hate my job and my kids hate me and I hate everything so I got to had a come-to-jesus moment halfway through my

04:24 First year and you know owned it apologize to my students for it and the end of the year. Well, I think they they learn some stuff and we were happy with how it ended and you do make me excited to come back and continue to do what I did. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds really valuable in the first year of teaching to inform the rest of the

04:48 The rest of the way, yeah, it definitely was I learned a lot from my students. I think I approached it. You know by way of I do like a lot of reflecting but I was like kind of like a savior versus servant mentality, you know, and I would never like I learned very very quickly. I was not there to save for my students. I was there to serve them and to teach them something and that was my role and that was it and that's all you can do. If you go into this work thinking that like you're going to make their lives better. I don't think you'd be successful. You know, you're there to learn about the communities are in and understand them better and provide them opportunities and and Empower them to make choices.

05:35 Something you do for their lives if that makes sense, but I've learned that the hard way.

05:44 You talked about remembering what made you fall in love with physics in the first place, but was that it was my high school physics class. Yeah, you know growing up. I was like math and science. I was really good at math and at some point in my life. I was just kind of like what's the point of math? Like it's fun to to solve for x will like what is that mean and whatever and I have physics another guy my gosh. This is why I liked it. So it's all about and

06:15 Growing up. I always had that mentality that my family is giving me like you're going to be a doctor you're going to major in biology pre-med do this thing. And then I took physics and I like this is way cooler than any other signs ever taken. So that's that's definitely what made me fall in love with physics and ever since then. I just thought it was really cool.

06:39 You know my kids I don't think feel the same way about physics, but it's fine.

06:47 Have you noticed anything? Do you have any specific circumstances where you feel like there has been a click moment or where like where students have where there's been a spark of enthusiasm or interest where there wasn't before.

07:03 In physics is harder to see but

07:08 Like I do have some kids are like this is a really cool like something are you but

07:15 It's interesting because like physics is a mandatory class like every kid has a ticket at my school. So like their kids you just like aren't that into problem-solving. I just like I'm going to teach physics to like its Essence and a lot of kids just don't like that. So we're working really hard to figure out how to make that happen. But I have seen a lot of like things click proceed. And so I also and the debate coach at my school. So I seen a lot of change and empowerment through debate which is interesting. I never debated in high school, but my principal kind of like I was like, hey, I wanted to be 18, but I'll make sure that won't be that bad and

08:01 It was definitely a lot more of a commitment that I never thought it was going to be and but the kids love it and it's provided them like way more opportunities than I could have ever imagined that

08:16 Yeah, so it's just like why I continue to do it. I'm actually missing a debate tournament being here, but it's fine.

08:32 Has teaching been what you expected it to be. No, I don't think so. I definitely

08:42 Thought that

08:45 Like what I enjoyed when I taught in the museum was like getting to like talk about really really cool things to kids. You know, like I talk about dinosaurs all the time and was sick all about the content and then going into teaching especially in an urban area like content is like

09:01 Very small amount of what you do because there are a lot of other things that kind of block students from being able to focus on school.

09:14 And that was something that I was like initially was like, you know felt cheated that as I call man. I can't talk about physics and I can't do this Saturday the same bushes like realizing that

09:25 That's like that's not what school is really about. Right? It's it's about like helping kids find who they are and it's

09:37 That's what ya so just like that's the mission right you like use content as like a platform but it's it's about like developing kids until you like mature young people to do something in the world, right? And you know, I wanted to like actually teach content. I would like to go teaching a college or something like that.

09:58 Do you feel have you noticed strength from other areas of your life that you've brought into your teaching?

10:08 Yeah, I think.

10:13 I like to use myself as an example a lot with my students. So it's like my my kids see me as like a very successful person. Right? Like I talk about how I am a minority woman that major in physics, which is like really tough to do and they're like man like you can just move the world like, you know, that's just who you are and like they don't realize that like, although like I have not come from a background similar to like anywhere near them. I didn't have the most perfect life growing up either and I try to use that as an excuse as a story to like show them that like life is hard, but you can get through it. Right? So like when I was twelve my dad was asked to leave the country and then he stopped back in and then he was in hiding for a long time. So it's like from when I was twelve to sixth grade through all the way when I graduated high school.

11:13 Dad hidden from the government and throughout that whole time. My mom was fighting her immigration status and

11:26 It was just tough to have to deal with that. Right but very early on I guess that if those like string of events like made me realize that

11:41 Like

11:43 I'm not like you're not more special than everybody else if that makes sense. So like what I took from it when I was young was like it doesn't matter what my life is like if I were to go to college like I can't use that as an excuse right? I have to if I wanted to change who I was or my life trajectory write my transcript. My resume has to look the same as everyone else's because I can't use that as a crutch to be like, well my parents were gone. So that's why I'm not doing as well as at the end of the day. They're still going to choose a person that's better qualified and despite a what's going to happen. Is that make sense? I always operate my life. So it's like a no excuses kind of mentality and it's not easy. Right and I talked to my kids about that all the time. It's like it's not

12:30 Like there are days where I want to quit and there are days where I'm like it's not fair because like my friend can go home and both her parents are there and like she does have to worry about you know, if someone to come knocking at your door or whatever, but it's like I can't let that stop who I am. And what I want to do with my life is that makes sense and I think that helps students see that I think sometimes it makes me a little less understanding because it's like like see that is possible. Do I get through it if that makes sense and soon as you like it. I'm not like you, you know, there's like if you want something to change like this is what it looks like if that makes tough love ya and that's definitely the type of person I am in my classroom in doesn't work for everyone but soon as definitely see me in a different way once they realize that hey like I had to put myself through school.

13:30 And this is like I wasn't going to let finances or like my situation. Keep me from who like what I wanted to do. Right? And that was like my mission growing up. I was like, I'm not going to let anything said in my way. I'm going to go to the school. I want to go to so I like work really hard and was successful and you know,

13:50 But other students like my students don't always see that like as like big picture like they see like what's tomorrow and like if that makes sense. Devon? Yeah. Yeah, and you know, I

14:09 And that's like the really cool part about like being the debate coach. I have a student who was on my debate team who did not have a really great life does not have a great life. She's you know, I'm a junior now and

14:30 She decided to join the debate team and that's like definitely what kept her at my school and she commuted Affair like pretty far away on judea's. Have a supportive family and she's going to be so her and her partner won a couple of tournaments and they were invited to the Championships and it was up in Evanston where Northwestern was at the Northwestern campus and she was over her saying to myself and a friend of mine like man miss Mendoza like it looks like I'm walking on a New York City. Like I never left Chicago before and I was like, I broke my heart and I was like, I can't believe you never left Chicago anything. This is like so different, right?

15:10 So then I was like you got to do something about that. So I got her into a debate camp in Michigan. And so she spent the summer in Michigan at the University Michigan just doing debate and is really cool because like she was definitely she's listen to person I've talked to you about like, you know.

15:30 Continuing to like stay committed to like going to school and being successful to change the trajectory in her story and it was really cool to see because like she did it. She wasn't the best student freshman year, but she's like really smart and she just but she doesn't have June have any hope right? So should I got slapped around campus and I left her there and she was terrified and she's a table. Leave me here. Like you'll be fine. So I pick 3 or 4 weeks later and you know, just getting to see that she could only like getting to show her that if you just focused only on school and that had all these distractions like you're like happier like you see that you have hope right so we brought her back and we talked through listen to look at I want to go to Michigan like this is going to be great and then sophomore year happen and she told us off the face of the planet. She avoided me feel the magic classes, which is really heartbreaking and she knew that I was going to be disappointed because like despite all these things that I did for her.

16:31 Like she like I failed you and all this stuff and like no that's not how it works. Right? Like I've invested in you and I care about you and I'm not going to let you just be like, you know, whatever so, you know, she she picked yourself back up eventually and you know, we're still pretty close. She's not on my debating anymore, unfortunately because she you know,

16:57 It says it's a hard thing to swallow cuz it's just like sometimes I just don't understand just like you need to just continue to work hard if something's uncomfortable. You have to work through it and I I thought that like showing her that and just like talking through like experiences into like comparing like you guys this is what you could do with your life would change right and that like Kennedy or points. Like what has my you know, my life is informed like what I've done and I thought that would help her for example, but we're sitting here now. She's a junior barely pass their classes again, and you know, she just sits in my classroom. We talked about, you know, how she like bushes she could start over and I'm like, you can't start over you don't get any reduce but like what you can do now is sit like change what you're doing and she's having a lot of trouble changing. I guess I'm left wondering is like a what?

17:51 How do I help students feel like they they can have hope cuz she like she's the Hopeless right? She's like like no matter what you say to me. I just I'm so disappointed myself. I can't do anything anymore. I'm like you're 17, you know, but

18:08 Yeah, it's

18:10 Definitely

18:12 That's a really like probably my most prime example of making myself most wonderful for my students.

18:19 In hopes that they can learn from what I did and and why I do what I do realizing that it's a much harder thing to do. Then I ever assumed it was going to be

18:37 Are there other things that you?

18:41 I've been learning from your students that you can expect to her that have changed your approach. Yeah, I think it's a combination of things I think.

18:51 Learning where they come from their backgrounds are very very important and you know with conception like she is

19:04 You'll come to a very traditional Latino family and she has a lot of responsibility and like I have to

19:13 Play I put my teacher had on and I'm like, you know, you had to focus on education textbooks in education. And this is how you going to get out and she realizes that but like

19:22 Know that she has this account ability to her family that she can't break from and she like doesn't know how to balance that for example, and I'm at a loss was like, I don't know what to say, right? You're like, I don't know. I didn't grow up with her. I don't know the dynamic and I I don't know how much she feels at right and if I reflect on myself, right it was like very hard for me to is a kind of silly to think like comparing it but it's like hard for me to say. Okay, no to my family. I'm not going to be a doctor. I want to do something else. That's I'm more passionate about really hard. But like I'm a very like a driven person is like I knew I was making myself through it and it was like, okay what happens to students are people that don't have that drive that I have, you know.

20:10 And it just makes me like take a step back. It's okay, like how despite these like obstacles. He students have like, how could I help them? Push forward? Right? I have a another student ganya and she's also a junior and she comes from a very traditional Pakistani family, and she's also I might have a team and she struggles with cultural differences and how her

20:43 Mom is treated right because like culturally there there are like rules and regulations between like what a woman should be doing and what they should not be doing and how they can be treated in what can be done to them. But like, you know, my students like she's grown up in Chicago. She's very

21:07 Stubborn and like opinionated and sees that it's like she doesn't think that it's right, you know what's happening and you know, she's wanting to do something about it.

21:20 And it's just like she asked me for advice and it's like of course like I should do something about it, but it's just like in reflecting and talking to people that have been a lot more than you're just like there's sometimes you just have to let it be and just talk to her about if you can't fix everything if that makes sense and just like realizing there's a lot more gray area right like coming from a science background to be like everything is like kind of like black or white. There's like evidence to support or deny something and going into schools and students lives where there's so much gray area that I don't know what to do. I often feel like helpless write like with gyno, for example, you know, it's very hard to like balance that because if we know if if we make her dad mad he'll pull her out of school and there's nothing we can do about that if we need her there to keep her, you know safe and motivated to to pull through.

22:16 And so it's like it's hard to to to navigate that if that makes sense, and I've slowly learning that but I think you know if I continue to listen.

22:30 I'm learning a lot for my students now that I like I listen a lot more in like I'm a more aware what's going on?

22:35 In their lives

22:40 Have a question. I'm wondering if

22:44 If there is anyone who is sort of like a role model for you, especially when you were in school and you know, if you if there was like a teacher your life or it didn't and motivated you to work really hard.

23:00 Yeah, I think yes. I think if I were to pick up person who would be my mom. My mom is a very independent woman and like she had this attitude like

23:21 Where's my mom and dad are very different when my dad left? My mom did all she could to keep art like my brother and I are lives to be as normal as possible. Like we still with the school. She worked really hard till I can make it seem like, you know, we had what we needed to be successful. I could tell it was very hard for her. But she she was a type of person who would always make stuff happen. Right? She herself is a teacher. She's a piano teacher, but she was always you always demanded like excellent. It didn't matter what was going on, right? And and she

23:57 No matter what. She did if she says something it was going to happen and that was something that I really took from her because just like she says that you know, she's going to raise this money. She raised it, right and it's just like something that I take very seriously, it's just like being true to who you are and I really appreciated that and I didn't realize it when I was younger but like at the timer just like when I talk to my my father as I was older, he was very angry with how she dealt with the situation. You know, she wanted he wanted and if it was flipped he would say he would have disrupted our whole lives to meet to make a statement that like she shouldn't have been like taken away from us and showed how much it hurt our family, you know, he was like I was taking you out of school. We would have done all this stuff just

24:50 Because people need to see that, you know, you couldn't tear up our families that make sense and it just like both of them had reasons right is just like you have to assume best intentions. They both of them. But they did was right, but I feel like watching my mom make those decisions. She said, you know, my kids are going to get through school my kids you need to call it and she made it happen for both of us like set me up in a very different light than it would have been if the roles were flipped, you know, and it was always like that and she was always like that with her students and she was like, you know, you want something to happen. You show me that that's going to happen. Like you show me that you had the potential that make it happen for you and that's kind of like the way I operate with my students now and it's just like if you can get a list of a camp, I'm going to make sure you go which is more difficult than I ever thought. It was going to be like raising that much money to send kids all over the country is not easy.

25:50 But you know, it's meaningful to them and they care about it. So it's like it's more it's worth more than than my time is to me if that makes sense.

26:00 Do you feel happy with what you're doing?

26:03 I am I feel like I'm doing something that's

26:09 Making change. I don't feel like I'm as effective at it as I could be right and I'm constantly trying to figure out a way to get to be better. So that's why you know, I'm going to grad school now. I hope to be a principal some day of a school. That'll do something.

26:27 I think that.

26:30 The work that I'm doing is worth like this is where it change it happened or should happened it to kind of change kind of the state of what's happening in the world.

26:43 And there are a lot of things that are wrong and in education that I feel like we need to to fix an address and by no means do I have the answers to that but like I feel like me willing to engage in a conversation and do the work that I do is helping a lot of times. It feels like I'm not doing as much or anything at all. It's it's not something you can do in a daze. It's life's kind of mission to the deal with you know, what do you see you talked about? You want me to principal of a school? That's actually doing something. Yeah. What do you see in that school that you're the principle of

27:23 Oh man start. Yeah, I guess yeah, I think that some that really resonated with me in the program that I'm in they talked about like Innovative School leaders, and we constantly have this conversation. That's like we are preparing students for jobs that don't exist yet for example, and the idea is like the world is changing but education isn't changing with it and trying to figure out like, okay what should a school look like to prepare kids for something that doesn't even exist yet. Right and it talks and then I believe like the route is about like

28:09 Having them be able to think critically or independently and problem-solve which is the ending the root of everything and problem-solve something. Like I think you'd be pretty successful at what anything you do. If you're going to sit down and grapple with an idea and find a solution is the sense that I've had and I think that's where I think my education philosophy starts don't know what that looks like a tall it is cool. But yeah, well, it's I love teaching but I have a leadership role now. So I'm in charge of the science department and I see that if I am able to effectively manage teachers and the they are like in their classrooms. I can see a bigger impact, right? So it just like thinking it's like if I was a school principal and I had the infected building

29:08 That would be really awesome. Cuz then I wouldn't just hit the kids in my classroom like the hundred kids that I teach right? It's like a school of 800 or whatever and I can see that.

29:20 Being like being a more impactful change.

29:28 Yeah, what's up now?

29:31 Thank you for your work. Yeah, well, thank you for talking with me. I'm happy to meet you.