Drew Herget and Kelly Fleming

00:01 I'm Drew herget. I'm 30 years old. Today is Thursday, April 22nd 2021. I'm in Little Rock Arkansas with my mom has my conversation partner Kelly Fleming.

00:17 Hi, my name is Kelly Fleming. I'm 60. Today's date is Thursday, April 22nd. 2021. I'm in my son room and Little Rock Arkansas conversating with my daughter. Drew Ford herget.

00:34 All right, so can we get this party started? Literally?

00:48 Okay, so is that is a family tradition, but I'll ask you this question cuz we don't talk about it often. Although we do do that often how to party in a bottle, get started. I wish I had a great answer, but I know I just started drinking champagne with friends on a fairly regular basis and we called ourselves the Bubblehead and we came up with the expression like it's like champagne party in a bottle and from there, it grew to saying it when we pop the court and then you and your friends picked up on it and family picked up on it. And now I think we have spread the party in the bottle really literally cuz your house

01:48 Oh my God, stop me out of the Chute, you know, any glasses, the glassware drinking today is a Gloria Ferrer. And I visited that Winery champagne house with your aunt and grandfather, my sister and dad a handful of years ago. It was a father-daughter trip and we sat there. It's a beautiful location. We sat outside on a glorious sunny day, looking over The Vineyards and it was just such special time to be with Brandy in it, Chris.

02:30 That's great, that have to get. We bought, we did a flight of champagne. So it was three different and, you know, taste tests are another family tradition and something that I just loves do that day. We basically did it taste test of champagne at Gloria Farrar and we have tasted olive oils and we have tasted chili and we have tasted beer beer and bourbon and but it's got a little weird. We have done blood sampling. We've done this year, covid, and how it has changed.

03:25 Everything. Well. I got us a little over a year ago, right. I was living in Nashville and dating someone but not serious. And sorry if you hear this we were very serious. Yeah, we've gone from talking to you a couple times a week to seeing you guys in a few times a year and now seeing you every Sunday.

04:02 It's been in many ways. Covid, was a blessing for us because you were living six and a half hours away. And now you are a mile and a half away. And we we love seeing y'all and y'all really where are Bubble during covid-19 us allies in with a lot of people. Yeah. We're so close. We got to see y'all. Y'all were able y'all would come over. Like I need to borrow a cup of flour. I need to borrow some rice and you were literally driving past the grocery store that made all the different done to hang out with a different job here. Go. Yes.

05:01 That's a crazy story. So I started a new job on March 23rd, which was after people have gone home. You know, they were started working from home, Arkansas side, close their public schools, and all of the sudden. I'm walking into a new office where people were working from home. It's been a crazy year. And now I look up and we're all back in our offices, and our store is open to the public and doing exceedingly. Well in. Yeah, it's been a crazy year. So speaking of houses. So Bruno's at work. Now, for Habitat for Humanity. I'm executive director of the central Arkansas affiliate and it feels like

05:56 A very appropriate place for me to be because homes have always been really special to me like that. I'm a cancer which if you believe in all of that, you know, but it does seem to fit me like and let's talk about houses because we've had some great ones and I think the house that still means the most to us and send out to us. The most is Stonewall, which funny enough. I've spent my entire life, pretty much minus the 10 years post-grad on Stonewall. It was very sweet. But we had this adorable little bungalow.

06:50 That when we sold it. How do you deal with that?

06:54 Feels like longer was a traumatic. I don't know where we come from. I might have been, I did America War for a year after I graduated undergrad. And I came back to Arkansas to serve my Americorps year and we were home. And for whatever reason, I'm the one that went with you to the title company, to that day. We were lucky to do the transfer homes in the same day, which is pretty unique, right?

07:31 Okay, you can tell I've been a long time home owner anyways, so we were coming home from from selling our home, officially Stonemill house. And had to pass the new house on our way. And as we passed it mom made the comment. Why are there fire trucks in our driveway in, to get the new house is on fire flames shooting out the top window, which sounds dramatic. But that's actually what was happening and we pulled in and we beat a new owners or the old owners to the house, their dogs were in the backyard, like we held the dogs as they came up and eventually we laugh, we thought we were causing more harm than good, witnessing it, but we went home and I think this is very telling of both our personalities. In our relationship. We went home to the old

08:31 And she immediately got a glass of wine and called The Decorator and I started to sob and touched every surface in the old house and told it how sorry I was. I felt like we'd cheated on it. And this was some sort of grand retaliation working out fine in the end. But I think it is a very good lesson to me about how in moments of Our Lives. One of us always seems to be up or the other staff. When I look at a lot of the crisis, as in Grand, there have been many, we tend to almost subconsciously take turns of who's allowed to have the Panic moment. And then what, for whatever reason in that episode.

09:23 I was allowed to have the Phoenix, but then I think back up like a labor day. When we had an incident with one of the dogs, in where the dog is hit by a car. You had the panic yet. Yeah. Yeah, and that when I looked back most of our big moment, that's just been, this kind of ESP is who is allowed to panic? Who's going to be the strong one. And yeah, mom is from this town in, Louisiana. That is known for the movie Steel Magnolias. We joke about it, and it it's Hoagie I think but it is true that current has run through both of us.

10:09 And through our relationship, I think of who, who is going to be the strong one. And when I am now, you're right. And I did lose it. That day that I met got hit by car. And yeah, so home, so now tell me you are a homeowner now for the first time. Yeah. How I feel about it.

10:41 I need a, when I moved in my darling, husband had no furniture. Quite, literally, he had a hammock in the living room and that was about it. But I, it's funny, I a home does make you feel more grounded. Its I'd always been a renter previously. I mean, certainly there's a level of responsibility that I never considered. I mean, you don't really think about Plumbing issues or having pest control of that sub. Never crosses your mind as a renter, but

11:20 Yeah, there's something about having your name tied to a plot of land in an address that feels.

11:30 Both very empowering and important and rooted, you know, and there's something about saying, like, I'm a part of this community long term. I'm not transient that matter. That's why I relate so much for the work that you do with habitat that matters. It's important that people have a place, that is Sears.

11:54 And it's why I love that work. And I'm reminded everyday how blessed I have been and how blessed I am today to come home to a safe decent stable home environment, a luxury in a necessity. I don't, I don't know, I think back about a year 2 years ago, in my tiny studio, apartment in Nashville. I never thought of that as a sanctuary, really, and this year has placed such an emphasis on that. I think that's why you seem so much home remodel. That's why it seems so many Gardens. All of these things. Like they have become more than just four walls in a way that they haven't been and probably the last few decades.

12:49 Baking Garden. I love that. You're growing one in my backyard. There's just right then that we were not using and I have had so much fun this past year Watching you as a newlywed further, explore your culinary skills. Could you were already very good at that and all these domestic things, you know, you've taken pleasure out of decorating and making that house a home and things like, trying new recipes and growing a garden. I'm just I have its

13:33 Fun for me to watch and I'm awesome. Very proud of you. Thank you. I actually have enchiladas that I need to bring you cuz I messed up a recipe to know. It's been fun for me. I think.

13:52 I know I'm sure you felt this as a woman but particularly as a southern woman, they're often feels like an extra pole between being a career woman between being modern and also sitting in these expectations. And I think I've had to figure out like it's okay to be domestic if that's what I enjoy. I think previously that always felt like oh, you know, I talked about the song with the same conversation with Mother right? Agree their career or you're a stay-at-home mom and then actually doesn't have to be that divided it. But yeah, I think it I find real pleasure in some of the more domestic.

14:45 Skills. And you, and

14:50 And I feel like, I don't know. I just turned 30 this year. So it maybe that's part of it, too. I feel a real settling over my life and like a real or something about being 30. And yes, I guess being married to but that you're like no longer to hear what school what I'm supposed to do specially with the new fashion trends. Like I just look like Laura Engel and anything that this point. But yeah, there's a real settling up like this is who I am. And if I want a garden and a garden, it's a very freeing thing getting older as a woman. I think you've already

15:34 To hear you talk. If you've had some of that and then by the time you're my age 60, certainly it's

15:44 I'm more comfortable in my own skin and less concerned about how I look or what's about a block with every passing year. I see that in you.

16:00 Do what I can? Let me ask this at 60. What would you go back and tell yourself at 30?

16:07 I had you in 30, right? And I was very, very happy at the time, but there was always this, I've got to dress better look better drive a bit neater car, have a bigger half. There was just drive to quote, unquote succeed and what I've learned along the way was

16:40 That doesn't bring you happiness. If you don't have the relationships than enough love. And yeah, as you know, drew that didn't work out for me and I'm a much happier person. It's 60 in that regard. And I have a 30 cuz I'm not always, you know, I love my house now, but if I were in a habitat house, I would make it my own and I would make it my castle as long as the people that I love her with, in Uno.

17:21 Rd magazine really want to be part of this conversation. So tell me the speaking of our ages in.

17:32 I asked yesterday was the day of my mother's death 44 years ago. I cannot believe she's been gone 44 years ago. She died when I was sixteen. I never saw her as an older woman. She was forty and just turned 40.

17:55 I mean literally yeah, 40 and 3 weeks or something and

18:01 I, in my mind she was always this vibrant during 9:40.

18:09 How is it for you? I don't know what she would have looked like, at 60 or how she would have been physically at 16. Yeah, so you watching me.

18:22 I know what it's like watching you grow up. But what is it like for you? Watch me, grow older? Yeah, I mean, you asked me this question earlier. Is it kind of immediately put me into tears because it's not easy. I using Dorothy as an example is kind of interesting because in so many ways. Her memory her ghosts, even though I never knew her,

18:54 When I envisioned her, when I hear the stories, she is just like Frozen at 3240, right? Like, she's always young youthful. And of course, now your dad my grandfather is 91 and that such a bizarre dichotomy to kind of register in your brain and you not had this conversation. Like there are so many questions. I wish I could ask her about you or even questions it just our random about where we came from, who we are, but Randy can't answer for 4 time. For whatever reason. He just doesn't know.

19:39 But I think, you know.

19:42 Watching you get older.

19:47 It's such a weird thing. I mean, it is just sad that I said, I would say to some point, in my mind. You're Frozen it for you. Like I know you're sexy and I think we've had this conversation about you guys watching gravy and how everyone gets frustrated any moves slow, or he's not as quick. And I've said to you was cuz everyone's comparing him how he was when he was 50 or 60. And so I think I see some of that in me and you like in my mind you're still in your forties and I have to register that you're sixty and I think I had a good friend whose mother passed away 6 months ago at 70 and like, just knowing that that was 10 years older than you. I think it's been a much.

20:38 Has hit a lot harder than I thought it would like that felt. So Out Of Reach to me that you two would not live to be 91, right? I mean. You spent a very bizarre thing. That's like the sad heavy part of it.

21:03 I see so much more of myself than you. I catch myself, I really do. I recognize so much of your touch on who I am, and how I throwing up so grateful for that.

21:26 I see the Legacy like I catch myself especially after Dean is passing if like, is that was me if I'd lost you. How would I

21:37 Carry that Legacy continue that Legacy that those are thought to this world a lot in the last six months, probably calling out that I want to end this question, but the other part of it is

21:55 The downside of you getting older. I find you more a little more scared than you used to be a lot. I know you used to be.

22:05 Old in a little while. I mean, I will never forget you can can dancing in the kitchen at midnight burned in my Branch fabulous dress that you can't hand Cannon, the kitchen, but I don't, I don't know that I'll ever be able to can see that.

22:42 Is really here. My best friend. And so

22:47 The song of just penis World Without You. Just I can't even let my brain.

22:55 And like what that's going to look like. And then I'll only child makes it really hard because it's like and what you don't want to 3 and it's me and you don't get it. There's no one else.

23:14 To carry the Legacy to remember to do, I find myself becoming really jealous of siblings and grateful for friends that have been with me for so long. The fact that I did marry my childhood sweetheart, who's known you for so long so that I can when I say that to people, like, I'm the only one everyone around me is like I remember with you which is endearing.

23:49 Anyway, so will you have more than one job God willing? Yeah, I just think I yeah, nothing else just said that they have someone. I mean I even see the way you are with Aunt Chris. Like just so you have someone that's

24:11 Another person that has to be your person, you know.

24:16 I love this shared Legacy whether it's blood or friends childhood or my longtime friends. It it's a collective memory. Yeah.

24:34 Yeah.

24:36 What do you?

24:39 Want for me, the rest of my life.

24:45 I want you to be happy, not today, or not, but

24:53 I want you to be able to look back and say like yeah, I did what I wanted to do and I say that even four years we talked about you writing a book or something like that. I think you

25:07 Always.

25:09 Put it off. I won't go so far. As to say, I want you to leave this world with no regrets. I don't think that's possible. I think we all have regrets, but

25:20 I want you to feel like you regardless of whether that you feel this way. You did live a life that matter. You continue to live a life that I already look that at all. That you've done in this community for the Arts, for lgbtq or poverty. I mean, you have been a champion for so many officially officially.

25:43 But I want you to feel like you put your stamp on something. I think sometimes I've used all of these good causes as an excuse.

25:56 Not to write a book that scares you honestly.

26:12 That's the last thing that really scared you and that I'm driving on a busy intersection and there's a level of

26:28 Cousin, you've been good at all. But majority of things you've done in your life. And before you say it. Yes, I know what happened at the Miss. Louisiana state pageant in 78, but I you been good majority of Everything You Touch and I think it's the one thing that

26:49 You are good at but you don't know if you're good at changing this time. So you like in school. Yeah, like high school. I mean you were a decent student. You weren't a great student happen because you Blossom. So something like a lot of times. I think I picked early, but you really blossomed and are still blossom.

27:24 College Miss great for you. Post College was great for you. Yeah, I

27:32 You know, I mean, I had the opportunity to go to boarding school to get out of Arkansas early, but you turned it down, and I don't regret that.

27:46 We talked about this. I think the best.

27:49 Saying that you and Dad ever gave me was the opportunity and kind of the expectation that I would go to school out of state.

27:58 And not that I like reinvented myself.

28:03 But I really got the expectations like that. I got the true freshman called experience of like who do you want to be into that matter? All of a sudden? I was 15 hours away from home and nobody knew. I almost didn't even know where Little Rock Arkansas. What you didn't know, they didn't care where you went to high school or if you were captain of the cheerleading team or other than a sordid matter. How do we bring to get to decide who I was and what I wanted to be and I won't have school cuz like that wasn't true, but I found the other group of weirdos that were

29:00 That I kind of raise the bar.

29:05 Nevermind school with each of these cars until such a different experience for them growing up and I don't know the expectation, all the sudden. He's like, yeah, you should be culture and you should have exposure to these things and

29:22 I credit a lot of that was called to Charleston and then the rest of my twenties.

29:32 I don't even know. I think I just started throwing darts at the wall. And I just kind of committed to make my twenties, is the Czar trial and error when we talked about maybe in a Steel Magnolias, but I will say watching you, when you were nine or so. You went to brush Ranch that can try to sell, you know, in New Mexico and then you went to Africa and Europe on the summer trips. We're like, you've always, if you had fear, you didn't do it. You've been fearless and and then going to College of Charleston where you, I was so proud of you for making that decision.

30:32 Without a lot of Tanks. I'm sure I had much more anxious than you.

30:42 Dumb young. You don't eat when you don't know what to be afraid of that helps right, but some of it.

30:53 Honestly, I've been so blessed to find a community almost everywhere. I've gone and acknowledge that I've gone out and sought community.

31:11 I'm so proud of you for that. That's not an easy thing. Everybody's wired. That way. You don't see that in yourself. That's so much of that is you.

31:27 I mean really like you're the one that yeah, I'm not even at camp in New Mexico, but you're the one that 40 that's like I'm quitting my job. I'm going to go work for a nonprofit and let's move to New Mexico for and where do you think I got that from? You know?

31:45 10 minutes, that's all you. You taught me how to be

31:53 Brave and Bold aunt at you, this evening goes back to the conversation of houses. I mean, I knew I don't know where we had this conversation along the years but there's some conversation of you can have roots and wings, you know, and I knew I could always come home. If something didn't work out like I knew there was always a plan. I was telling someone the story the other day about when I finished my Master's and I got my Master's in a very bizarre program. It is not recession, friendly in southern studies and had no idea what I was going to do with it. And I remember coming home. I graduated in May and I came home for like 3 months.

32:43 25, unemployed, and

32:50 Anyways, I have a job but August 1st, I won't be in until August 1st. And I think I applied to 40 jobs over that summer. I took. But when I look back on that, that's because I had the luxury to know that I could do that. I have the the capability that a lot of people don't, but I had a landing pad.

33:18 To try things out to see you at 6. If you were determined, if you decided, you wanted to go to Nashville, and we're applying for jobs and yeah, geography.

33:36 And now you're back home. Yay, words. I never thought I'd said you can't go home again.

33:50 I think.

33:52 I probably could have first time. See why you love it? Here. You know, I don't cuz you're not from here. So yummy and you've chosen to stay here for all these years, so I was going to buy.

34:09 And it's been a real eye-opener, a year in that regard to come back to your hometown and realize that you may have misjudged this place all along.

34:21 Not entirely, but it's not. Okay, so,

34:28 I don't know. If you have a favorite trip, favorite memory, a favor. If you can pick one and you and I are living in, and I will Stonewall have, and I was freaking out. Like, can I do this? Can I be a single mom? We went to Branson, Silver Dollar City for a weekend and the weather was terrible. It was raining, it was called, and we had the best time at Silver Dollar City and we would say, you want to ride that ride again. Yes, we brought it again. And again, and you found that little boy that was separated from his family. We were driving home that night for several hours, and it was cold out, and we were in my cute little Beamer convertible and I had the heater going, and you fell asleep. You were so tired. And I remember, look,

35:28 Albert, you and thinking.

35:30 We got this. We can do this. That was great. And the two of us. I knew we were okay. That's one of my favorite witch who would have gas, but the two summers ago when we were in Boulder. And I remember thinking at the time, like, we're not going to have this time forever. We're just you and I can go. I know you kind of thought it was crazy and being dramatic. A little I work back. Like we had no way of knowing that covid was about to come 8 months later.

36:13 Did I were back to being ye like we've no way of knowing and I am so grateful. I won't say that I Grand inside but I'm grateful that we pushed for that threat. You don't, we did some great things with this great meals, but what I actually remember more than anything is like cat napping on the porch of that Airbnb. Reading library book suggests existing together and now a year-and-a-half later, two years later how seldom that happens that we get that time alone and read how grateful I am for that stamp of time.

36:56 Avett Brothers at Red Rock. Oh, yeah, or it was part of that tree. And so now I listen to Avett Brothers a lot. Like in the morning, I'll get dressed and

37:12 Yeah, and I always, it just makes me smile. I know it really does work where we always say, when something like that happens. Traveling Mercy. Traveling nurses. Well, and I wish, you know, you wish people traveling mercies like they find the best of the road. They find the sweet part of the trip and we've always managed to do that.

37:40 So any parting words to board her get next year.

37:48 No, I just I hope you find your traveling mercies. I hope I'm not done yet to be lovey. I know. Let's wait. Another glass of champagne. Thank you, dear.

38:16 You've been a blessing. Well, I listen, I was blessed from the get-go.

38:24 By yunus.