Emily Garcia and Ricky Garcia

00:02 My name is Emily Garcia. I am 22 years old. Today's date is Friday, January 10th. 2020 location is Santa Monica, California. The name of my partner interview partner here is Ricky Garcia and the relationship between us is he's my older brother.

00:25 My name is Ricky Garcia. I'm 26 years old. Today is Friday January 10th 2022 location in Santa Monica, California. The name of the interview partner is Emily and she is my younger sister.

00:46 Ricky so yeah, I've came across story corpse through school and one of my English teachers in high school 9th grade showed us videos on YouTube different stories about, you know, average people telling different life experience or things that they went through in life and I just thought that was very beautiful because they weren't celebrities or anything. They were just normal common people and then when I saw that I go to Santa Monica College and I saw on the website that they were partnered up with story corpse and I looked into it and I saw that they were offering like, you know interview like this until be recorded in you know, of course, I jumped into her to the opportunity because I'm a big fan and you know, I told you if you wanted to come because

01:43 I hate basically cuz you know, you don't work Fridays and I really wanted to have a chance to talk to you, you know serious conversation. I know he we discussed this many times but not really in and fold that but yeah, the topic that were discussing is about alcoholism and how it runs in our family. So, can you tell me your first time drinking?

02:12 The first time I actually don't remember it but Mom told her mom and dad told us about it told me about it that when I was like three or four years old. I never been a bottle of Corona and I drank it and I got really fucking drunk but I didn't I don't remember it obviously, but that was the first time but my first first time that I do remember getting really drunk was that Carlos is waiting not knowing it was at a wedding at Danny's wedding, but it was at a wedding where Carlos met me and Mila. I remember specifically but I remember it was like when I first when I first got drunk like that, it was really fun. I had a lot of fun and it was

03:12 Tamia with really fun. I I I like to get in. I like to get into trouble. I like doing things that they are. I don't know like exciting in like ya think. I'm not allowed to do basic me. I like to live in the world. I like to live on it and I try to replicate that over and over again. And I remember the first time I got really really way she was at Danny's wedding like yeah. I remember that. I was in seventh grade. I think I was in Middle School. So you were about Loudon High School. Yeah, you're you're like four years older than me. And I remember that I had a lot to drink they had to keg of beer you had a liquor and wine and champagne and I had all of that like

04:12 I basically ran through every every type of liquor and you were like just 17. I think I'll stick to 15. You're really young. I remember I remember that they too because you made a huge scene that they you were just very belligerent and you want me to pick a fight and I don't know you were just trying to have fun, but you were just like I carried away carried away. Yeah, and it was I remember being mortified and like just embarrassed and but it was nothing uncommon in you know, family gatherings are family, you know celebrations like that just because we you know, we come from a family that is

05:01 Littered with an alcoholic or whatever so far during the summer like every guy there is an alcoholic everyone. That's all they do it for their free time. If they're not working. They're drinking or sometimes they're doing both. So it's a really rising in our culture and our heritage. Like, you know, all our uncles are alcoholics. We just for like for anyone who's listening our whole entire family enjoys drinking while we are constantly always like whenever were the words such a close family that were always at each other's house. We always go to visit each other whether it's a party or special event or we're just like

06:01 Coming over just to to hang out. We're always drinking or doing like we're always doing something but we have alcohol there and it's always so surely drink always it's always definitely always social and I guess we have a lot of problems as like, we like any family were all stressed out and I guess that's a way of releasing are tracking like in the body. I mean mom always tells me stories about how you know, our uncle's grew up very violent and because they're on my whole Uncle my uncles and aunts are all immigrants including my my parents. So they grew up in extreme poverty and when they were younger they barely have food to eat and they didn't have shoes to wear and it was just living in poverty.

07:01 They migrated here to Los Angeles for a better life and all of my uncles were hard-working. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to say, you know, not all of them are just lazy drunks there were always employed and drinking but that they got really bad when they didn't stop and I think this month end of this month is going to be a year that pose a uncle passed away from alcoholism and he was only 33 so he was very young. And yeah, so my next question is

07:40 When did you realize that? You know, you're drinking was not only socially drinking in to have fun, but it was like for you already like an addiction like you have to drink or so. Basically what I would had happened was that.

07:57 I wasn't make after I got a young age. I wasn't actively just going out to eat to get drunk. Like I had other hobbies that I have things that I enjoy but the thing was that we met in Lake Whenever there was a party there was always alcohol and when I was 18, you know Mexicans considered that you're already grown adult, you're already a man or a woman. So most families are okay with you drinking so long as you don't make an ass of yourself, I mean and I also think that like our parents were very complacent with that and didn't really say any more anyting we have an older brother. He's the oldest man and he you know, he did a bunch of like crazy style be no smoking in the house drinking in the house and biting his friends over and our parents were very complacent of that and didn't you know, they did try to tell him not to do that, but

08:57 They were it is it seemed as if my parents were scared of my brother and didn't want to say anything. So and you know, Ricky over here. He was very close to my older brother real now and they always hung out together. They're always together. So I think that influenced it pretty much because he was drinking too and he dealt with alcoholism. So basically we we hung out, you know, we drink and drink and I I had friends in school, but I always looked up to my older brother and my brother has had his issues and he was going through things. So he whenever he cut it whenever he

09:41 He hung out with his friend. He was always doing something like smoking weed or getting drunk or doing something like that. Like it like almost any teenager does and I will try to tag along but even for him he knew that I have a problem. He had a problem and he recognized that I hadn't even worse problem. He's at least for him. He's a big guy and big guy and he can tolerate his drinking but for me, it's like I try like I like almost like a competition where I have to drink the most amount of alcohol and

10:19 You know, I always go over too much and the next day I hear about all he know what you did last night like this is what you gave like having like why is like your you drink too much? You shouldn't be drinking your irresponsible this and that so

10:40 It went like that when when I'm like that till I was like 21, you know, just whenever I wasn't actively going out to drink but when there was an opportunity or whenever we had a party I enjoy drinking and it only started getting back when I turn 21 so I can I could I was able to buy alcohol legally. And so what I would do is I would go out like I barely had one child like a job. I barely worked and I basically lived for the weekend. I went out I party I got really fucking really hammered. I like smoking weed. So when you're smoking when I was smoking weed I had to have alcohol or at actually whenever I was drunk I enjoy smoking weed or smoking cigarettes.

11:40 I was always social is away from for me to meet girls for me to hang out. You know, it was always a fun experience. And I mean you would go with Leo to shows and concerts and yet, you know go to dances and you've told me before that that was like one of the best times of your life because you are out and about and you know, just living life on edge and just you know living in that moment, but definitely started becoming a problem once Leo stopped going and you still continue or you would just be at home. And so basically what happened was that around the time that I was 21 you had to have a American Medical recommendation to buy weed.

12:32 And so what happened was that cuz I would like a reggae shows. I would not hand of course like there's a lot like you a lot of people smoke weed. So when what what happened with that Leah was the one who hacked the song when he got when he got with Natalie he decided to stop cuz she got in there. Yeah she for still he told me he's like, I'm going to stop like you should start to like I recommend that you advised that you stopped because I'm stopping and it's a good way for us to like get our head straight and like, you know move forward in the next phase of our life, but me I didn't have any direction. I didn't have any I have no goals or any aspirations. So I didn't care at all. I knew was that I wanted to go out and I wanted to have fun and I think like

13:32 Also the fact that Leo quickly caught with Natalie and like very fast like they were attached than they and she moved in with us and he stopped, you know going now he stopped drinking and he stopped smoking and therefore he stopped socializing a lot with you. I feel like you also likes for a loan because you lost someone very important that was always with you. Definitely and and I did not hurt you a lot and you know, you continue drinking it's not like they hurt hurt me, but the thing was was that I

14:17 Because he had thought we had we had we talked a lot and he had told me life. So yeah, he would ask me like this how you want to do is just go out and get wasted and just like forget about everything and I didn't have any answer to that because I didn't know that you had when I was doing was so like it's such a waste of time. I knew that it was in that it wasn't.

14:47 I knew that a lot of people don't do what I do. Yeah, you know they eventually grew up where I just didn't know that that I have to grow up. I just I was living in the moment like like always and when he got with when he gone with Natalie, it was really interesting because I saw that that

15:09 You should like a lot of people especially guys will never get get with the girl the girl always tries to fix the guy and you know, a lot of people are eager. That's that's a very bad idea and a lot of people are like a 50/50. It's a good idea and it's a bad idea a good idea because you have an objective and someone whose objective and he's like well from my from my perspective you're very destructive and what you're doing is not okay, but from from from the other side like this person just wants to run your life. You want to change how you are and you just want to bother you I feel the same way like you're your own person and you know of the of persons like that you're dating your significant other doesn't like that in trying to change you then what does that mean? But also, you know, you know that I don't get along with Natalie.

16:09 There my brother Leo and Natalie are now married and have a daughter together and I love her cuz she's my sister-in-law but I hate her attitude and I hate like you know how she is but I appreciate it and I love the fact that you know, she did get Leo to stop drinking because you know, Leo went through we know what they went through and he know he the way he cope with that was through alcohol and drink and smoking and when they started dating she didn't like that and she said said to send the you know, if you're going to be with me, or you can be drinking you can be smoking. I'm not going to tolerate that and because he had that was like his first serious relationship and he stopped because you really love Natalie and you know, we talked about it though. It was it was just so like amazing that she was able to get him to stop train.

17:09 Go sit down a moment. I was like why I lost my best friend my friend to hang out. So I stopped going out less and less in the reason why it was because when we would go out, he was the one that was driving and I don't know how some people have disability. It's a superhuman ability where they can get really really wasted but still be able to get everyone home. I do not know me, but God bless and I drive drunk. I do not recommend anyone do it, but I'm just like a maze how all of us never got into an accident much looking like, I don't know how we did it, but it was amazing and I like deep down inside. I knew that.

18:09 I like even if me as someone who's very compulsive. I knew that I should never go out like that. You're drinking and driving because I knew that that I even had my limit and I even knew that that what I was doing it was not safe. So what I would do if that I would after that I would work and now we just drink and drink and get high with my friends at home and it got it and I would be going out every every weekend I basically lived for the weekend. I knew that on Friday and Saturday night it was time to go out and I still have that me to have fun get drunk and get wasted. So what I would do is

19:03 Buy alcohol and just drink by myself pretty game. I would have to find a way to to basically had in like still feel got that Rush of having fun. And what I would do is I'll get really drunk either at work or at home.

19:26 And I would I would just keep going keep going. I would buy a fear of bottles of whiskey and just slamming down take an Uber to 711 by out more alcohol. She was just a block away, which was just a block away. God Bless the people that tolerated me and I was just get home get really hammering and just wake up really really really hungover and can always go again and I did that for a year straight GIF drinking just like drinking on the weekend going out two or three day bangers and just like hating myself it and regret having regret the whole week and I made so much of an ass of myself.

20:23 I pissed off a lot of people. I ruined a lot of relationships like that. You know, I basically was destructive in one time. I thought I broke my one of my I broke one of my rules with drinking and driving cuz you and that I had finally bought a car and I'm never taking it to the liquor store to get more alcohol and

20:53 I got pulled over because I was a U-turn and as I was doing the U-turn there was a cop right in front of me, and he saw me chugging a big bottle of of a feared that I had and he pulled me over. But thankfully he pulled me over so close to my house if they could see it.

21:16 I mean that my my parents could see it and my dad right now and he the cop was like hey, do you know these gave me and my dad said yeah, he's my son. What did he do the cops egg wash do I pull them over? Cuz I saw him drinking freaking this big ass bottle of alcohol and he goes like oh, I'm so sorry about that like it. Please let him go if he was okay and the cop looked at me and he said well, we're going to run his record. We're going to run his and his license and if he doesn't have a record take him home, let him sleep it off and don't let him drive again. But if he has something on his record, we're going to take a man to work in the process him and everything. I never got in trouble with the law. So they let me go cuz I could have been a DUI that was definitely the but the next day my dad was really really.

22:16 Pissed off. He he was yelling at me and told me you know, you have a problem. You should stop you know, you can't handle your alcohol and you have nothing going on in your life. Like you you have to focus on important thing me being the person that was like me being full of regret and shame and everything. I just took this as another another as I can reason as to why I'm such a why I suck as a person and that was that was also a part of why I drank a lot. Like I had I have low self-esteem and I don't believe in myself. So when I go do stupid things like that it adds to it feel to the fire. You know, it's not only because I enjoy drinking because I love drinking. I love I love how it feel.

23:16 I love how it tastes. I love every aspect of tree. I mean so over time I was stopped for a for a month. I would stop I would do you good. I wouldn't drink I'll try to avoid again. The next month comes I forget about it, and I do something stupid and no I remember that, you know.

23:44 Of course, your alcoholism did not only affect you it affected all of us in the house home. Yeah, cuz we live together it would and it's a very small house and a lot of people I think at that time it was Mom Dad you me my other brother Jacob Leo and Natalie living in a two-bedroom apartment. So is very very crowded and me and Jacob share a room with you. So we had to put up with you, you know coming home drunk already being drunk at home you sneaking out to buy alcohol and all the stupid things. He did when you were you were drunk, you know, embarrassing things that you know, I'm not obviously you're not going to talk about it going to that detail, but it did affect us a lot and I remember I vividly remember

24:43 One day I clean the room.

24:47 And I always clean my side, you know do my bed clean up after myself, but I'm like, you know what it smells nasty in here and it's messy and you know, I'm a I'm going to clean the whole room. So I started cleaning, you know, sweeping and everything and I moved your bed so I could get the trash under the bed. And as I moved your bed. I just hear a bunch of bottles just fall down like not one or two like maybe 5 or 6 and when I saw they were all gin bottles or I think it was Jen bottles and that's when I realized I'm like, oh my God this my brother has a serious problem. I mean, I knew that you were had a problem before but to the point that you were hiding your liquor and

25:40 I knew like that you had a problem and I I just thought to myself like wow, like a story it histories and a repeat itself is going to be the same thing. As you know, my mom with her brothers how they do all alcoholics. Like we mentioned before we lost our uncle Jose to alcohol alcoholism. And since he was the youngest in the family and my mom is the oldest in the one of the oldest in the family. He often came to the house looking for her and she was the one you know with my other aunts helping him out throughout, you know him living on the streets because he lost his family didn't want to put up with him being an alcoholic alcoholic and doing all that stupid things and then he was living on the streets cuz he wasn't working and he was just drowning himself and sorrow

26:40 And it was just a very like this is the future. You know, I'm not I wouldn't say that you were to scoop to his level but like it look like you were heading on those tracks that you were you are not going to stop drinking because we would like after the next day after you would do your, you know, you will come home drunk. We will remind you and we would tell you this is what you did you did this yesterday. You were acting like this we had to do this and you were just sit there and be like damn damn I fucked up or fog like I can't believe I did that and then it affected me. Once it got me really angry and I thought like one time because I was working on an essay and it was due the next day and I was on your computer and you were getting mad cuz I didn't ask your permission to use your computer and you were drunk.

27:40 And I told you to just leave me alone that you're I think I insulted you and say that you're just an alcoholic. I said something, you know to talk to you and you got mad and unplug your computer and my essay got deleted and I remember I cried and in that moment. I wanted to kill you. I was like, I'm never talking to you ever again. And yeah, but I remember thinking like

28:06 At that time like you and I did not talk at all. I was just doing my own thing going to school, you know hanging out with my friends when I would come home. I already knew this shit you would be doing and I would ignore you and when you were you were drinking I would just push you or like, you know, ignore you and for the longest time. I thought that you were never going to stop drinking and I'm just like wall.

28:33 Imma grow up and you know, I'm going to be an adult and I like in my forties and fifties and you're going to be a sibling that I wasn't going to talk to your you were going to be one of those like brothers a time that my kids ass like. Oh, where's your uncle is your where's Uncle Ricky and I'll be like all me and him don't talk, you know and I hurt because I saw mom going through a bunch of stuff with her siblings and she continues to go through those things now with her other surviving siblings that are alcoholics and it breaks my heart because I'm just like I don't want to go through that and I don't want our family to go through that because we grew up extremely close and you know,

29:22 I continue to live with you and it was hard because I couldn't share these things with you because you weren't in the right State of Mind.

29:33 So I just ignored you and I let you do you because you know, I was like I can help a person that doesn't want help and at that point you didn't want help and you do it took you a long time to realize you had a problem.

29:49 I was I knew I had like I knew that when I was doing the like I said, I knew what I was doing was not okay. I just didn't understand the severity of

30:02 I wish I was more it like I was thinking Nile but I was like I will tell you guys like oh, I regret what I did but I feel get down inside. I just get that joke. So you guys can get off my back and I always told myself I think such a big problem like they're overreacting. They don't know what I'm going through.

30:28 I'm living my life. I however I want to live a life who are gay to tell me what to do.

30:35 So basically

30:38 I kept going like that for a while for a long time just drinking like I like I said, I got to the point where almost every week. I'm yelling. Like I was drinking every every weekend and I remember I was I was I was finally realize like I do have a problem and I have to stop cuz what would happen when time was that? I felt like my heart was going to stop and I told I told Mom to take me to the to the hospital and they're just like you have anything wrong with your okay like you yeah, there's nothing wrong with you. Just go home and sleep it off. Take some Advil or whatever, you know relax.

31:30 And it wasn't until I got home. I started to realize that I was having anxiety. I was having shake from withdrawals, but at the moment I wasn't I didn't realize I was like, why am I why am I why do I feel like it and when it hit me, I'm like, you know what I do have problem. I have to stop. So what I did was at when I got home. I just got to clean my room. I'm going to change. I'm going to start doing a bunch of gift for being so what I did was I I cleaned out my my my side of the room and when I when I saw under my bed when I saw I had a bunch of bottles of liquor and I grabbed the bag and I just started counting every single one of them and I had about 25 bottles of alcohol and I was so shocked about at what I had and

32:30 Are around that time I will I will start drinking during work. I would buy a bottle of liquor and I was mixed with Coke and I will I will just drinking throughout the night and I guess I will get it I would have to go home because I was too drunk. I would go out I would get like I already did it play. I would go out with like with a friend or family member and I will get way too drunk and imma come home really hammered and then wake up wake up the next day and do it all over again. And when did you like?

33:11 Already like all right, you know so I'll make it was a long process because that like I said when I clean that I stopped for about like 3 months, but I told myself and you didn't go to programs. You just get it like what's it called? White blood or like White Knuckle like I do work at I try I I will stop but I if it was still in the back of my head back or I can I can I can drink I can have fun. It's just that I have a bad habit. It wasn't it wasn't I didn't see it as a as anything like it very severe that I cannot have alcohol. So I kept doing it. I will stop for like three months and then I'll be back back doing the same thing.

34:03 And you got to the point where where two things happen. It was a DUI. That was one thing that made me realize that I was I was doing back then would happen without my brother Leo and his and his girlfriend Natalie girlfriend at the time. They decided to go to a festival in Las Vegas. So they asked me. Hey, you want to go like it's going to be fun, but you just have to watch your drinking and driving. All right. Yeah, I got there and

34:42 The first thing that we do if we go to a pool party and we got there we started drinking and we drink a lot. It was a lot of alcohol we drink but so the first night it was good. I get drink a lot and there was an excuse for me to start drinking and basically I I I I

35:06 I got to the point where on the final night of the concert. I I got really hammered and I ended up in the hospital and I ain't my pads were soaking wet from from pests and I realized I do shit like I I'm not okay, and then another time I went to work really hammered. I had gotten drunk the previous day. I woke up hungover. I started drinking and I got to work like that. They sent me home and

35:43 Gay almost fired me. But thank God I got to keep my job. And that's when I realized that I have a problem. So what I did was I declare cuz I had tried to stop multiple times but I kept tricking myself into thinking I can tolerate it. But then that's when I just decided you know what I'm not going to drink anymore and I think I want point you started working out. Yeah, and then I would work out here and there and you did lose a lot of weight and then you start eating clean and healthy. What I did was the first thing when I got sober when I decided completely for sure, I'm not going to drink anymore I make I need to occupy my time or something and that's when I started working out lifting weight eating healthy and God helped me out a lot. How much weight I lost overall. I lost like 80 lb boy.

36:42 Yeah, I just started working. Now. Are you healthier and now I'm about hearing a year-and-a-half now Sober Sober? Yeah, and I'm I haven't looked like I haven't looked back. I do get Cravings here and there but that's just got up and I'm happy like now like you and I are really close now. We talk more I admire you a lot because you're so hard-working. Although you do have a big temper and we do argue a lot. But you know, I love you. You're my big brother. I I love that the fact that you were strong you are strong and that you were able to overcome something as big as alcoholism and which is not easy and I'm happy you did because now I know that you will be in my life, you know, and I'm happy because of that.

37:42 You know, you're the only person that can help yourself. So many people try to help me and told me that I was doing with not okay, but deep down inside I didn't care. I knew I knew what I was doing was not okay, and I didn't want to change. I I knew better but I never listened but the day came that I was like, you know what I'm going to stop because I want something better for my life and for my future and that's when everything just started getting there. I knew that.

38:16 Ever since I stopped drinking start getting better immediately, but then we're getting any worse and I just took it took one take it one day at a time. And now it's at the point where I don't even think about that anymore. And now my my second is positive. I have goals and aspirations such a such a long way. They have come ever since I decided not to drink anymore.

38:51 I love life. Thank you for coming with me agreeing to do this interview. I really appreciate it. And you know, I love you. Love you, too. Thank you.