Geneliz Herrera and Tyler Kebreau

00:01 Hi, my name is Tyler. Keep you I'm 18. Today's date is Saturday, February 13th, 2021. I'm coming in from Lynn Massachusetts. My conversation partners genewiz, and she's my best friend.

00:17 Hi, my name is Darrell. I'm 18 years old today's date is Saturday, February 13th, 2021. I'm calling from Lee Massachusetts. My conversation partner is Tyler and we are best friends.

00:33 So

00:36 I guess I'll start with our first question of the night or Thursday morning. What's a secret or side aspiration of passion that you have a drink?

00:50 I need to put a secret to most people. I think you definitely know. I really like asking like every like dressing up like wearing like nice outfits. I don't do as much as like I'd like to mainly just because of like you like my family like I just hired to dress. However, I want without them like trying to control it. But I think I really do enjoy life dress and like I'm not the word close. Like I really agree Farm Fair expression. I might show people what's going on inside your head. So I really like every like to dress up here Mom already. You can't wear that.

01:31 Countdown

01:36 It's crazy because I think she like

01:40 She always has something to say about my outfits with a minute. It's time to get dressed and polka-dot pants, and I can't do it. And yeah, so I just need I need her to feel like you didn't choose to pick a struggle either. She needs help getting dressed or I need help.

02:11 My first question for you

02:14 What book has impacted you the most LOL, LOL. I dunno very hard question cuz I want to be different ways and certain experiences. I can talk about like Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell was a book. I read my first my first Summer of the food project and my pewter Julia back with ears to me and I reason I was supposed to have such a big crush on the first girl. I had a crush on and I'm Ruby like my am I so I'm really at the end of the summer I like him out there cuz you ugly but if I do like girls who like

03:14 The Perks of Being a Wallflower and they're also have two people who gave it to me I know I was asking for that book after I seen the movie for 3 years of what movie came out like 2014, I think it looks like 2017 and no one will give it to me because you know, it's kind of weird in my family so I could be interested in like Scholars and like things like it like that. So I'm going to really not like that but Susan was on my parents she got it for me and I cried and I cried and saw that it was so good with all my friends and depression and anxiety. I think it's oxygen sensors wall around Mental Health.

04:11 What would you say like?

04:17 What would you say your life would be like without those pork? Like what do you see yourself as if you didn't have those books?

04:24 If I didn't read. I would think I'd be so boring person have no character. The land of this is like a turkey sandwich. I don't have nothing. I think both of those things and I could see from other people's views and pathetic stand directly cuz it's like not so you've experienced. I think I do a good job of being able to even because of his books by reading savers.

05:19 My next question. When did you realize we were going to be our best friends? I went like into freshman year and I'm just like I already own this new place like

05:43 I don't want.

05:45 I was like, this is like a lot of opportunities like I could go this way I can get that way. I can talk to anyone talk to no one but then I was like okay if that's how you feel. I was like

06:06 I think after that it would just became like second nature. You're just somebody that I like I found myself relying on very often and like somebody I could count on and then like no we started to get closer instead of talking more about looking for things and we also felt like every minute of like everyday together so that definitely help.

06:29 I think you have a 79 grade and I think it was just because like that was really when I started the food project and Mike being able to see you and Mike the role that you had at the time was very empowering. I think it was like nice to see that you were taking a lot of initiative and like being a leader and then like inspired me to do that too and be like our rate like, you know, I can be on that level as well.

06:59 And you know, it wasn't it wasn't too hard to set that example of my crew cuz

07:03 Marijuana suckers, but I think that I still I still like

07:13 I so really realized at that time just because it was like I was able to do something that I found to be very enjoyable with someone that like I enjoy being around. I think that really made the experience letter.

07:28 Summarize the I don't know if that's what it is.

07:34 The best way to have

08:01 Oh, really really out here telling me about it.

08:08 My next question, but what do you use to cope when your feeling uncomfortable and I could be like in Social spaces and like just like with yourself uncomfortable with the world.

08:28 What is a question a very fair question? I think I had a lot of fun healthy coping habits before that. I didn't realize were unhealthy and so I've been trying to lecture away from that even now what I'm comfortable all you stop talking to people or I like I'll push my uncle until I go with my friends because I feel like I want to burden them or they got to want to hurt them cuz I hurt myself in those ways. So I think that thing I do is healthy to run a lot but like exercise

09:18 I didn't think space and reclaim my thoughts because I feel like I think so fast. Sometimes it'll take time and space like playing a straight line and I've been trying to like communicate more when I need that space and like what where am I at?

09:40 That's good. Cuz I think I can come back. You can collect Middle School a lot of times like

09:47 Like you were even myself like it's really not uncommon for people to just kind of like shut down and I think I see you doing that a lot less now in like not just kind of shutting down in kind of a sudden everyone out with that and kind of like instead of unlocking but I sometimes have a tendency to like explode and everything just kind of falls apart and you but sometimes kind of implode like everything would get like sucked in and it was just like it was a lot for you don't question that you working on that and it's like going to anybody who's had a positive Middle School experience.

10:27 Why did everybody?

10:33 I don't feel popular right? I wouldn't say that so don't look at me like that, but I would say that.

10:40 When I was in Middle School, I was so much pressure because of all the people in it was it what we're doing after school where we going and describing people after Middle School summer. Are you a cult leader? I don't know. I don't know.

11:02 Rest in peace of the house while I was there. I was just like so much. I'm really going on with middle school and high school music how much that she kind of set me back because I feel like I was always taking on her insecurities or supporting her and then when I came to myself it was, like if I put myself on the back burner for the people too. And so when we're going to the high school, I wasn't sure who I was and now like the government today suicide was like, oh

11:59 Despite like we like she's like, I think you think that you're still growing or that you're a flower. That's about to Blossom cuz you've already bloomed and I really appreciate it. But still I've been more careful. I'm on my phone because I don't racing is to be nowhere. Like I'm I'm sorry. I think I look like where we are to the brink of water.

12:38 The conversations that happened at the city now you're like oh

12:45 Like when I grow up or like after college, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that and you're like, oh, you know.

12:53 I'm letting you know you got to do this so that it will contribute to your future success. You got to go after the opportunities that will need more towards what your goals are and it's kind of like.

13:12 I just feel like I'm in a space where I know what I want and I just am I going to allow myself to get it?

13:22 My next question was one part of your culture. You enjoy the most.

13:38 My favorite part of

13:42 My Michaels are from my mom's side of the family has to be like Haitian to your location Independence Day. I love me some sleep and it's literally a winter squash soup. And it has I don't even know it's like depends on who makes up like pasta carrots potatoes and depending on Mike cuz I know different like regions use different meat but my family will use like ghosts sometimes or like work depending on what's available and it's just like the best thing that I've ever had. Like when I tell you that it just tastes like magic and the funny thing about it is when I was it when I was my little brothers age I had that soup.

14:36 At three different places. Janos because I went to church with my grandmother and her church always makes it so we have like, you know, what the whole church we sat down and we ate it and my grandmother made her own and so then I went there I ate there any of my mom made some and I went home and ate it I threw up I threw up and I could not get enough but things are definitely my favorite part because I think it's not even just the food but I think it's what it symbolizes like

15:12 I've seen people feel so free and my people just look like they're very very very happy to be Haitian. You know, like they're very happy to be who they are and proud of their culture like what they have come from and they go taking my tooth that so I really do appreciate that.

15:39 I wanted to go with my grandmother because I wanted her to kind of show me around her hometown, but she passed and that's just not really happen.

15:53 But I think that I will still try to go. I do not like where she's from but I think it would have been nice to go with her and kind of like

16:03 Talk more about what her past was because she

16:07 Kind of like the whole reason that my family is here. Like she she emigrated. She was you know, the Catalyst and so kind of talking to her more about like her past being able to kind of walk through what her Heritage means to her was something that I really wanted to be able to do with her.

16:45 What is the word what is the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?

16:53 What is

17:08 Yeah, I think my family.

17:12 As I said earlier, I think my family like we don't see eye-to-eye on things and like we're different people and so I don't I don't I never split the stereotypical American Girl feel like I wasn't in this year and I've been getting my hair at all the time and like even what I want to straighten my hair I'm going to go curly q lot. Like cousin was nice and I was like, okay.

17:45 I think part of it is like I've always also been really quiet as a kid. And so that's one of my sources. I think they always just thought because I was quiet when I was cold and it because cuz of that like even though he's always like I'm really honest and so they consider that to be like cold hearted but like I have some time and time again that I actually care about them and I got to have their back for whatever but it's just I just don't believe in like lying about certain things and I also don't believe in like

18:17 I don't believe in sparing somebody's feelings if it was ignored room truce and I think that's a lot like they would understand about me and so like for them and to be always just on that like

18:29 I'm so different from them and because of that like they put me up. I try to put me away from them. So that way like they don't have to see that we have I got one common.

18:44 I think what's interesting around that is that they misunderstand you a lot and they're also the ones that think they know you the best.

18:56 And if he doesn't understand concept that like a lot of people can relate to you if you want it.

19:08 I think it's interesting because my family will always like say things and then when they say a thing is like the absolute truth and then I'm looking at them and I'm sitting in the back of the back of the room like okay next coffee and something.

19:25 Something that like my mama don't like you don't know her like she was getting married. We weren't talking about getting married. It was literally just she brought it up and some of my family is obviously like er and feel like my grandfather is white.

19:57 Look at her and I'm like at the rest area.

20:05 I was so shocked with her. I was like, okay, but

20:30 And I'm sorry, I just think it's so very funny. And she's just like she just talked so much and feel like they made a comment about like obviously don't want that judgment on me from the moment. We started dating and then she wouldn't be mad if they had if they like the guys like my uncle just so if it's a girl my girlfriend

21:20 What's a rainbow shoes yourself with your friends your friends and I'm like other friends with me. Like I don't know and they think that like making fun of my friends.

21:43 And

21:45 They haven't really know when the line like that lights up, but it never really gave me a chance. So it kind of bothers me. Sometimes I like reading the alien species and because I'm definitely

22:11 Like cacti management by spending a pain that more like how you and I like dedicate our time to different thing and how our family take them to be a little dissatisfied with that likes bring up a time.

22:28 How do you think I'm thinking for me specifically? I think my mom yells at me alot for being in my room, but I'm always in my room doing something productive. Like I'm either doing school work working for, you know, trying to work on homework. And then the one time I go to take a break and you know, I'll lay down. Why why don't you why don't you bring that cut downstairs? Because the cup was going to be okay and its position it wasn't going to blow up I can watch it later. But water still going to run. Still going to be in the bottle will make it there and it's just like you just got it.

23:14 How do I really just be doing drugs like complaining because I should be in jail.

23:50 All right.

23:54 What are you most proud of yourself for?

24:00 I think the growth that I've made sense, especially like seventh grade, but I mean like at that point in my life. I just had a very very strong disregard for other people and like their emotions. So I just wasn't really mindful of like the effects that I had on other people and it's not an excuse and it was very heavily influenced on like by the way that my family treated me growing up and kind of just making me feel like my emotions weren't valid in like we're fine and they could just be skipped over so I was just like what I mean we can just skip over people's almost like it doesn't matter how you feel.

24:45 And still having to like I'm wearing that and like you said, I think I relate to being a very blunt person. I try not to compromise by truth and morals for other people's emotions. So I hurt your feelings between you and God. I'm very removed from that situation. I don't have anything to do with that. You should call those other entities because I could not sleep with you.

25:17 And I think that like having to unlearn that.

25:23 Like what I have to say is not more important than how it's going to affect people but sometimes making sure that you still speak your truth in a way that communicates that is important.

25:38 But I think it's still something. I'm actively trying to like get better at have a lot of intrusive thoughts. And so working on just like not saying though out loud.

25:48 Diamond like my inner monologue because my intrusive thoughts are loud and they really do be screaming like I'll just be sitting somewhere and I'm just like wow.

26:07 Usher's ugly

26:10 It's just not my business. Why you like damn Simon shut up, but it's just not what we're here to do.

26:19 Are you working on like cuz as a kid, I was really the kid that would like walk up to you like at like summer camp just be like hey, why would you wear that shirt?

26:31 What just don't mean like why would you wear that shirt? Like the pictures blurry?

26:38 Fuel it like up in ya, so I just needed to move past.

26:45 You feel like you had a hard time doing that. So it's well how hard is it? A lot of Tendencies to just not.

27:00 I think it's the easiest way for me to do that was to just kind of not talk about Ruth wooden things that I was like you are going to like that and so it kind of translated into me filtering my emotions and thoughts into a generic relatable statements things that people could not disagree with

27:22 And I had to move away from that because it just wasn't fun. Like it just felt like it was draining me of my personality and it's like maybe I'm just mean like maybe that's just how it how it is below life. I didn't I didn't get cumin I got I got paprika.

27:46 And I just have to let you know I just forgot to do that. But I think it's very hard for me to

27:54 Cuz I think it's kind of like.

27:57 At first it was kind of like a light switch like either you're the good guy or the bad guy.

28:05 But I've definitely been working hard towards finding the middle ground as a hard. I've had a lot of moments that are like, oh did I really say that like

28:16 Moving on but yeah, I think I'm getting better at managing light.

28:22 Same things in ways that don't completely like tear down people's egos.

28:30 My next question for you.

28:38 What because I must read the wrong question. What's your biggest regret in life?

28:48 About to get morbid or anything.

28:59 I don't think I have like a big regret.

29:10 Viking life anymore

29:19 I could have done that. I remember it's like I so I can own a future like oh, what can I do better or seconds make the lights in the future, but I don't like try to focus on it, but I think I think I honestly have an imagination.

29:34 I chose to go to the public school in public schools because I want to be my friend and I wanted to go out to KIPP charter school and I could have gone through like Saint Mary's a private school. One that was on me that was on nepotism money because I had a spot and then because I couldn't pay for it something.

30:16 I regret not going to sleep sometime because I feel like I was ghosted off me. Which means I want and I feel like I kind of feel myself anyways, because I was just wasn't as in front of me. I wasn't as motivated as I could have been because like I was I've always wanted like the harder material and so and things like I'm interested in things. I want to do not enjoy at the school. There are things I already knew how to do or and it was like a cycle fill out this home like she and like

30:47 I don't know but I think that it's not fair that people of color like and I wrote an essay about this actually recently, but I don't think it's fair that people.

31:11 The people of color

31:14 Aren't like our schools are psychic reading in one if you don't realize that but it's not fair that like even though school at like 90% people color. There's like fifty percent white people in the on Mac and I wish I was in a place for like maybe if I would have gone to a different support them better and like I would have been able to like you more and also I couldn't so you don't see if you're a kid, like you means you're still wants it also has a higher chance of going to kick your cousins and so my cousins went to camp and they had a time but they also didn't use it to the best of his abilities where if I've seen other people who have and they really like milk about her all the time. Like they really gone places and and I wish I could I wish I had that sometimes but here I am.

32:07 We're going to rain.

32:10 An honor of Valentine's Day

32:15 I forgot love love the best time of the year are almost tomorrow, but that's what some criteria that your future soulmate has to fit.

32:32 So I will say honestly if you ask me this question a week ago, my answer would have been completely different outside like a list for you to fold Rush Hour season 4 actually not going to be doing any any love story line now.

32:56 Disappointed but it's okay.

33:01 I think now I'm trying to move.

33:06 Away from trying to force things to be a specific way because I think that's like a lot of what my life has been trying to like.

33:18 I know I think because I work very very well when I'm driven to myself myself on the goal when I have a goal outlined and I know what I want. It helps me to work towards it and select kind of you in relationships with others like that has not been the most beneficial as you know, but I think that like

33:45 Moving forward I don't want someone who

33:49 Flexfit the certain criteria. I want someone who is like a adaptable and somebody who kind of is just going to

33:57 What not push me to do things I don't want to do but also like not.

34:04 Not to think that are outside of their comfort zone because I want them to do it and then I think it's like communication but I don't think I have really like

34:16 But I want them to give me attention and I want them to know how I want. Ya I don't have like I want.

34:25 Like for example sentences. The best example of a relationship but Elijah and I think that she's so demanding when she's like, I want you to buy me flowers and I want you to

34:49 That to you just a very quick to project you did secret with me in bagani is his significant other.

35:06 And yet their relationship is very spooky that have a lot of love for each other and it's not always translated in the best ways. They struggle communication and that's something that I actually don't want to do. And so I think that I hate to say it, but I'm now more than ever paying more attention to like my friends relationships so that I know what not to do.

35:34 Wow.

35:37 Yeah, I like people I didn't notice on because I'm like when that happened to be mad.

36:06 I don't know. I think now I'm trying not to apply as much pressure cuz I don't feel like I'm not forcing it to come to me if it's going to come to me. It's going to come see me.

36:19 And I guess the last question that I have for you.

36:25 Is what what do you want people to feel when they're around you?

36:31 I hope you will feel like a sense of peace and they're around me that alcohol belly.

36:45 I'll be feeling like a supportive friend cuz I feel like I think really well, but I try to and like if I'm choosing to hurt your feelings also would like to tell me they got him right in their feelings. I just want to know in the moment.

37:20 And I hope I can just feel like I'm 10.

37:32 I have the last question, which is what is the spiciest and least sexiest name? You can think of Go Ok Google. The sexiest name to me is definitely like Gertrude. I think when I

37:59 I don't know what's good. You know when you're like leg falls asleep and you're trying to like walk and you can't walk like it feels painful painful, but just very very uncomfortable.

38:14 And then

38:20 Okay, so it's like it's like not an uncommon name, but I really really really love the way Jhene Aiko's name is spelled like Jhene with the I think the bed is just so it's not unique but it's Unique a very very very fine woman.

38:39 You know, I just yeah, I got a question bird that like

38:48 What was your name? Stephen Curry tree?

39:01 I don't like Matthew.

39:16 What's that even mean?

39:20 Alexander

39:23 I look Alexandria, but I don't like Alexander and I was like, what is what is Matt?

39:45 Give me give me Persephone. Actually, I would love for your fingertips new chaos to just be like a bookworm in a library. That would just be so amazing.

40:22 Like what? What's what's in a name?

40:27 Do you do that?

40:29 White Pages

40:35 What's the name of the Veronica and of course?

40:45 Why the original?

40:48 Not that