Hollis Hosear and Justin Butler

00:07 Just talking normal down here. You just talk normal. You don't have to move close to the Meg to see what it's like when you talk like from there.

00:20 Good question, 29th.

00:26 April 29th.

00:31 So yeah, just

00:35 Just a couple more things like the what's the weather like today?

00:40 What's the weather like today?

01:15 Okay. So yeah, like you're saying today is April 29th, 2021 and is it right if I say your name or do you want to keep your

01:27 You can shoot you can choose a like a like a pseudonym or whatever you want. After I leave yummy leave your name out of it for now together. Thanks for agreeing to do the storycorps.

01:45 And yeah, it's really just a chance for you to talk about your life and have it documented forever really as long as the library Congress still exist and maybe you can just start at telling us maybe a little bit about your childhood. Like how how your your your early days begin?

02:12 Heard anything about your childhood you'd like to share.

02:21 Childhood wasn't too bad.

02:28 United States Virgin Islands. 1969.

02:33 I grew up in the South Bronx.

02:38 He's been really good too bad until I became a teenager. Making bombs for 1617 school. I did. All right, I like the school to a certain point.

02:52 Character smoking weed lady about 14 years old, 15 years old.

02:59 17 things started turning, you know, I got shot, I sent it to you.

03:07 The point in my life, I started drifting away, but I really didn't care too much about anything.

03:15 Start to get into harder drugs, cocaine night at 19. So at this time, I even think I was going to maybe when he's on Monday.

03:30 58 years old.

03:33 The time in South Bronx. I didn't think I was going to make 20 years old. So a lot of things is going on kids. Now, lot of kids, young kids dying and getting shot at going through somebody to talk to.

03:59 How to get all right.

04:08 The blackmail is supposed to shut that off.

04:12 Casual off, all that guy twice. I think I was going to give you.

04:30 By the way, you know, a lot of things that I got to deal with that, you

04:36 And my mother raised eight of us, a boy. I mean, boy, I'm in boys and girls and kids by my sister's deceased, 2017 on my younger sister, talk cuz you have a father figure.

04:52 We don't have a father figure in this mall is more on. No pressure on your mother. Cuz when I got an old enough I want to do what I want to do, but brother he was not too much of a role model. So I followed him. So he started going and I really don't care if you know me.

05:13 I had my first kid when I was like, 21, you know, I got time. 22. I was going to jail. I do my first day 1984 and that this time show me know what the world. Did you do you have to? And how did they build the wall behind the wall by jail? Closed off a lot when you backed away from society. So at a young age that a lot of the things that you think that charging for like, you know, how when you behind bars mind your business stay away from different things, drawings with games and things like that died in jail for nothing.

06:03 Saying the wrong thing, people business doing the wrong thing, you know, so I do not get from this place, but

06:17 Yeah, I told him to take it away from you like this. In a maximum-security, the Bible.

06:27 For my friend's inviting, you guys to suck your penis or whatever. Something I did, he kill himself at.

06:33 You know, places like I couldn't go see them play for keeps still taking that back.

06:39 You know, this guy and don't care. I'm going to be in a place with guys. They don't care about nothing.

06:48 So, what did I care about your life?

06:52 Natural like to be on the kids Behind Bars.

06:57 And they care about you. So, you know, I'm okay.

07:03 Told me I'm not at all. Cuz you more with me throughout the course of my first pick. They took me under the help, me survive.

07:18 He ought to have to wait a sec. Already passed away from Days, passed away when I came out.

07:29 When I came out, you know.

07:33 I was a little more was a little bit more knowledgeable with different things, you know, but as far as the streets.

07:41 Not that.

07:42 Go back into the same thing. I was selling drugs. And I was doing the wrong thing. So I'll let you know, one thing. I regret in life. I didn't finish my education in the street.

07:59 But home.

08:01 I got all that Joe MGD. I went to Mercy, College and sinks in a couple good programs. Have to get things while I was.

08:14 Song.

08:17 You got to think it's behind the wall that you didn't get your so bored and it can drive you crazy sometimes.

08:30 Smallest things that you might think you can learn from me and I can really help you.

08:39 Oh my lady one day. That we have a class. I think it all with you. I was there. I was in bed Hill go off close to Canadian Border close to Canada because we

08:54 They put the candles on the table and play music, classical music jazz, whatever your preference and you put oil paint.

09:04 Just sit there and oil paint and you know what you think about the president. When you go back, you realize where you at? Find me break out.

09:19 Sounds like such a dick.

09:21 B. Melanie

09:29 That's basically what it is, you know.

09:35 This disk illegal to make you or break you, so you got to do your best to keep it make yourself.

09:42 Got to make yourself while you're in there, or when you go to sleep. I will concentrate on trying to get something to help you.

10:00 So you come out?

10:07 Walk the walk. Now try to maintain 45, you have enough of your life and do the best you can to stay off. Tom Waits for No One, you know now about his release a cremation.

10:26 Are you coming out of jail?

10:31 Work out the way I used to like, to work.

10:34 Play don't play basketball softball song.

10:41 I know the time the Time of My Life by then there were none of it. You got up went to work with the school work out.

10:49 What is what you get?

10:52 You don't get nothing.

10:55 Come out with Jack without God bless. You. Make the best of what you got to do. What you tell me about.

11:08 What are some things that I don't know you have done to deal with that change your? That loss was like, kind of your former actress ocean.

11:22 New York City evening.

11:54 As big as the city and I tell people, you don't have to have money to go everywhere. Cuz a lot of things are free. So you going, you know, you my Explorer, your mind busy. You don't stay out of trouble.

12:08 Once you learning to take away the Curiosity of doing nothing.

12:13 I like to draw little bit. I can't, I can't.

12:29 Like looking back on the Museum's. Was there any like favorite either exhibit or exam like a payment? You really remember clearly known as a

12:48 I think it was one time. I went to.

12:52 The Guggenheim Museum and they had all work out.

12:57 Y'all Nations Ygnacio Valley in Africa, and we're showing the ironworker, how they made all these. Aren't statues and weapons and stuff like that, and need to be so precise. And you know, and he's a while. When you can see how it was thinking, our focus is because a lot of things you have to be focused to do these things to do in Chaplin stuff like that. You have to be focused.

13:46 Try that exhibit.

13:53 Metropolitan Museum, I've known her since childhood. I never had sex with her, but she's my friend. We want. We should take you to a museum.

14:17 What was and she's like no you want to go to this Metropolitan exhibit?

14:32 Everything was a great writer.

14:39 08 Galant.

14:42 So maybe some of the things that he wrote and is all working different things. It was amazing to show you how his mind was.

14:54 Oh, I got a phone. I think you did. I think you do.

15:04 Wendy, Wendy sound like

15:08 Oh, she's she's she's a very good friend.

15:11 She's devastated.

15:14 Cuz we always child being a brother. And sister, we all grew up together in the Bronx and wherever we move, we always kept in touch in the kids or adults.

15:28 So when she was one of the first person I heard from you.

15:35 I think I was alone.

15:38 A knob state that ideas are a news remedial medical units with if you get sick or you in the wheelchair, whatever.

15:51 Good places, you know, it's like 2 minutes.

15:56 No, need to fight.

16:06 Anyway.

16:10 Show me a letter and she showed me some pictures of a funeral.

16:15 Aw, my life.

16:17 Do I still get the present?

16:20 She was 53.

16:35 What's the thing that you called when you clean up blood?

16:43 I cut off a foot because of diabetes.

16:47 What was she like? Like, what look like when you were hanging out with her?

16:54 She wasn't, she was doing just one. She's done for you being. Mad is out. She just say something real funny and everybody started laughing you. That's how she was a genuine smile Avenue.

17:12 They always got something to say about somebody or try to find the good in people. That's why I said it, even though I'm going through now. I know if she was alive. She come see me every week to come see me leaving when I need and she doesn't know if she wants to talk to me. That's how close we was growing up. His kids.

17:35 You know, I have a relationship.

17:37 So, you know, I saw it.

17:40 The time when I'm on my way, I was in the hospital and I can tomorrow, I got the letters and I was talking to the nurse and I told her, like I didn't take me.

17:52 Take me to the fucking up my whole life.

18:02 Sounds like a real certainty.

18:20 What do you think she would say to you if she were, if she could talk to you right now?

18:56 Take your time.

19:22 Tell you, miss her a lot.

19:29 Is hot.

19:44 This might be the last time you see me.

19:53 See you shortly.

20:03 2011.

20:05 Came home. I stayed home for like to be used.

20:10 Came out 2008.

20:13 State Farm at 3 a.m.

20:23 So why you say that?

20:26 So, you know, I don't know how to you.

20:41 So, you know.

20:50 I was out there when I went back to jail.

20:53 2012.

20:56 2218.

20:58 I would have been with her.

21:01 Even though she's going through some hard times.

21:04 I've been there.

21:08 Top song.

21:10 How old is sunrise?

21:16 That's the only child so I can take out in Tinley Park, play sports with them, trying to keep them out of trouble.

21:26 That's a part of my life is really hard.

21:31 Do you know when people die?

21:34 Esau and I got lost a lot of friends when I was in jail, when you lose your voice is different.

21:43 Cuz you said that.

21:47 She was always there. It's time. I came home from jail. You know, I was in the hospital, something happened in the work. She was always there.

21:56 And the Reality Bites you. She's not there.

22:01 She's not there. She's passed away.

22:08 I love you, sister.

22:11 My grandmother. Same thing with my grandparents.

22:20 They're like my grandmother on my mother's side. She passed away and Grandma.

22:34 I said it.

22:36 Take life serious or not.

22:40 So you got to take it serious?

22:50 Sounds like they always have a

22:53 Where they where they where she work. She like to go. Take care of some.

23:15 See how happy you make me, happy.

23:17 If I was going back and she told me she's doing good and I'll come see you. I got you and she would come with me.

23:25 So maybe you don't make me drive going.

23:31 I can never remember her as a child. You know, I might be the healthiest one.

23:51 Is the life of God doors out of God, works in mysterious ways, but I couldn't understand why my sister like that.

24:01 She never did know nobody. No good person. Always will have somebody that you can say that stood out in your life. And, you know, she was younger me.

24:25 She's this person that I really loved and cared about, they all different.

24:34 I actually understood what I was going through a family. Sometimes she wasn't like that.

24:49 She always be there for me to talk to me.

24:57 Sounds like,

24:59 Getting a judgment from the other.

25:03 Yeah.

25:07 I wanted to ask you about it now. And you said,

25:11 Teens.

25:23 Yeah.

25:28 It was, it was, it was, it was bad because

25:34 I don't want people to know if I have somebody to really sit down and talk to cuz it's not a lot of pain and it was like, I've got nobody to talk to.

25:46 I don't have to deal with it.

25:49 You don't got to deal with it. Just deal with you know, the problems. Nobody is saying this and say, look, I'm feeling this way. They'll come on.

25:58 You know, I don't know why.

26:00 I want to do this. I'm I don't want to do.

26:03 Nobody.

26:05 I couldn't, I couldn't bring all that in another cuz she had to deal with us.

26:12 Five at the man up and deal with it.

26:16 But it was, all right.

26:18 That's why I understand a lot of these young kids. Now, what they going through, but I heard somebody songs and my nephews.

26:29 Don't follow kit pressure. If you doing something, you feel good with it. That's what it's all about. You like school. That's good.

26:38 You can good grades in school maintain that, you know, don't get caught up with one of the streets using drugs. It has released two ways. He has death or jail. You want to live his life.

26:52 Do the right thing. Stay away from negative people negative people just going to take you down and try to tell my nephew. I got some young nephews not as they run around with guns and all day Saturday and I'll say a prayer for you. I said prayers today, are they? All right.

27:16 I know how the streets. All I don't want to one day. Get on the phone and hear my nephew Malik got killed over his brother or more than that. You feel football. I mean, it's a bad time with all. This is going on. It's just, it's crazy.

27:37 I never thought I would see the world like this but I don't think God God works in mysterious ways. Maybe he's cleansing the Earth. Do you start us over? Whatever at the great flood of Noah, maybe that's it. Maybe this is all great. Flood is just not physically like ours with the Greek flag with anybody's drowning and things found out. You know, his God is God. It is really matter. What's going on now?

28:05 You know, all I want on violence. Now. It's selfishness on this regard to religion, and you're paying for the things going on now.

28:20 Acting in your eyes.

28:28 You know, this, pandemic blows over.

28:39 And let me sit back and think and try to live.

28:54 If we were to be in that new world order blank, slate.

29:02 What do you think it would look like or what would you like to do? And

29:07 The new world. I think it'd be more diverse.

29:12 More Unity or respect?

29:16 You know, more people just living longer and all these senseless killings every day. Sometimes I want to read the paper people losing their life for nothing leaving by behind children that they might have no father to take care of my mother. I mean a lot more respect.

29:39 Got more piece.

29:41 Like that. I'd like to see it.

29:45 Stop judging people.

29:48 You feel like even though there's a lot of pain and violence when you're younger like in your life, that it's even worse now.

30:02 Cuz when I was looking and I listen to the newest sometime, and I read the paper, it gets real bad.

30:10 No, cuz you said you got people losing their life for nothing. Now, good people. Go to work every day. Take care of your family and your shopping there. Stabbed them things that could have been.

30:31 I got more, I got to go to work everyday. At 8 Mi to feed a kid, and you get stabbed to death, okay?

30:37 No reason. Silly argument.

30:42 Going for a run. It's like a

30:49 I just like to see.

30:52 Everything just slow down.

30:57 Well, those are hectic. Pace, slow, download.

31:08 Lower.

31:10 What do with the technology? We have to read a book. Everything is going to be there for you, grab a tablet, and read the book on the tablet in the phone. Everything is on your phone and things on the computer. Is that some black some time, just read a book or go outside in the park and just relax, don't put on no music.

31:47 Be mindful. My phone is on now and I'm in the present moment. The office is over there. Everything that's in the room to heat up games like that.

32:27 Some ways to get up room in a lot of pain. I do tomorrow for exercises and in 20 minutes. I'll be all right. So I think it is my phone. This is awful.

32:48 We're almost at a time. Do you feel?

32:55 Play in the whole Arc of your life that we didn't talk about that you would like to talk about and I don't need any particular story or any kind of detail that we

33:07 I think maybe how I beat drug, addiction was addicted to drugs, since the age of 14.

33:18 Maybe 60 or 35th and cocaine 17 narrowed heroin and

33:25 I got high for 26 years out of my life. 27, it in jail. On the streets. I always have to get high, get out of the deal with your heart feel good. And then I realize When You're Sober, you'll need all that and you seem like more clearly cuz I went to detox programs and I want to drop programs and I can never stop 1999. I think I was a kiss you and

33:57 Smoking weed on my friend of mine's birthday. You look at the yard and we smoke some weed. So, you know what? No more.

34:09 I'm 21 years old. And I think back on that, because as hard as I had it, I could never stop in the streets. I would want to stop. I will go to a program. Almost complete the program for like 19 months and takes 24 to complete it. I was getting 19 months, house clean and went back around my neighborhood. Last night met up with some female start smoking. One thing led to another messed up with the detox detox with like a whole week. I'm back to detox and go get high again. So I think one of the main thing in life that I really feel good about was kicking drugs, being drugs. That's one thing. I feel good about cuz I can never do it in the street.

34:55 Did it in jail?

34:57 That moment at Fishkill, when you just when you said like this is it, what are you? What do you think? Made you say that or what it what was going on?

35:10 I just got tired. I got tired because I said,

35:14 You know, it was so much of it. It was so much of it at the End of the Street. Why would your heart if you know what you get?

35:25 Smith, Cole, bags of dope. You don't have to pay for whatever. You know, I'm saying, that's got the, how you going to get it and everyday everyday and you may you make it apart. Are you, you like a glass of water and eating I'm using drugs. I want to do that. I don't live my life without that. I don't need that. When I couldn't realize that. I told my father that aside one day. I just woke up and I see no one. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm trying something else. 21 years ago, 1999.

36:11 When will you know? But that was one of the biggest things in my life that I say. I feel good about cuz that that went to hell was yours.

36:22 Go to keep a cool job, you know, I do my thing. So that's a big part of my life that I regret not using drugs. I didn't have been a lot better off. I think I was like, 14.

36:49 Before I really start to get really started smoke, a lot of weed, get into our truck, ice around track, and I was good. I was good and I have good wings. I can smoke cigarettes. I didn't do nothing. I was pretty fast and I, you know, I really like that.

37:12 My dumbass made a mistake.

37:21 I got a scholarship to college for track. I mean, I really like baseball. You playing with team basketball football.

37:39 The whole body is working inside. The engine is running, the heart is pumping, all your adrenaline is going.

37:45 Not like that.

37:52 Once I started using drugs,

37:57 And I didn't have to do it no more.

38:02 Sober.

38:20 Yeah, I'm good now.

38:26 I think it's something. You said when you want something, you started is bad. So it's good.

38:44 The startup that was bad, but he said he was going to finish. It is good. He said sometimes you have to do is to fall and fall hard to understand. You know, what you've been going through. So I understand what you're saying for me to finish that drunk. I'm drunk.

39:19 7 years old. The fuck. Are you smoking K2?

39:35 Now, I know what you want.

39:42 And you are grown man with kids. One of you.

39:53 I told him, you know, I don't think I'm better than you, but I don't want that.

39:58 Cuz they don't want to think about nothing but doing that, and I don't like that's not on my mind.

40:04 I'm drug free. I can go somewhere and just going to go to a basketball game. Go to the Yankee Stadium sitting in the Yankee Stadium and watch a baseball game, clean and sober. At the way. I like to feel about going somewhere. I'm using all these do you know I'm up.

40:24 The way. Where your options?

40:27 I've been there done that.

40:32 If I didn't, if I didn't, it didn't do that. I want to hear. Now. I know it was 19.

40:43 84 and I was going up north. I had a friend, he still works in the in the rooms. He supposed to retire soon as a correctional officer. He's working in in in Bellevue.

40:58 Are you still working on the job already? Retired in jail. 22 years old 1984.

41:15 Show me my first.

41:36 Time waits for no one.

41:38 Getting ready to retire.

41:52 Is Daughters of officer?

41:54 Daughters of Correction Officer.

42:00 I want One Direction you want to know every time I used to come to back in the days like these by come through. Right. As I see him. Once I go to the 3 building. I will see him. Getting out early and smoke weed and get high and go to parties.

42:45 On the job.

42:54 Maybe that's a good note to end on, but time and everything also 21 years.

43:04 Thank you, man. I was very hard.

43:07 He's very hard, 21 years School.

43:11 I just think I couldn't do it in the street. I'll be in the street and my friends will be having barbecues and they smoking weed doing drugs and did nice, cold busy. I don't want none of it was very hard, but I did it still doing it.

43:43 I want to be balanced.

43:50 This is enough.

43:54 Not good.

43:56 Drugs, never good.

44:00 Whatever you do in this life and you working, if your independent, you know, you're even making a contribution, you no sense to life to life. That's what matters.

44:13 You know, I don't even know. I don't have my son. One of my youngest son was working at the Gap and he was mad. Girl's ain't feeling me.

44:34 You might not last week that you have been doing that you live in.

44:43 You yourself told me, their friends got killed in that drug game. You want to be another statistic? So he listen.

44:56 You don't have to follow the next man, the old man.

45:00 Maybe that's a perfect note to end on.

45:06 Thank you.

45:11 Thank you.

45:16 Yeah.

45:18 How do you spell people involved in the same way as you come? Talk to me?

45:27 I saw some good talks with and that's what kept me going.