“I am A immigrant from Kosovo”

00:00 Hi, everyone, my name is Ari I will be interviewing my mom Today for the 2023 Thanksgiving Listen story corps interview. Did you want to introduce yourself?

00:11 Sure. My name is Harieta Ukela Hobonau. I am Ari's mom, married with two sons, Triton and Ari and my husband Mike. And I come from my country, Kosovo. Born and raised there, moved to the United States in 1999.

00:36 All right, how so when you were born, who were like the influences in your life? So if you wanted to talk about like your mom and your dad and their parents maybe or whoever was kind of a big influence in your life when you were born as a child.

00:51 So I was actually born to a very lucky family. My dad was a businessman. He's Dan to Kayla. He always raised us to be a wonderful, I mean, powerful woman. He never made. He always said to me and my sister, never count on anyone else. Do your best work for yourself and just be yourself's bosses. As my dad puts it. My mom is a wonderful woman. She was honestly the most good hearted human I've ever met. She raised us to be motherly, loving, supportive and everything you can ask for.

01:46 So it kind of sounds like your mom and your dad were almost different people because your dad loved you hard in a way, if that makes sense, while your mom kind of loved you soft. So was that interesting growing up with two different parents like that?

02:02 Absolutely, yes. And I feel like that's what made me so successful nowadays because my dad taught me how to be strong, never to give up and never to come. Like, I need to make my own life right. Even in my country, he taught us that. And my mom gave us love that my dad supported. So my parents were opposite, but in a perfect way because all of his kids made it nowadays, both myself, my sister and my brother, we came to America when we were very young. My brother was 3, my sister was 14 and I was 17. And when we came here, we were scared. My parents were scared. They left everything that they ever knew. And you know what my dad taught us? Don't ever count on anyone. Be as strong as you can. And we did. So all of us were successful. So whatever my parents did, I actually strive to teach to my kids.

03:06 Another question I wanted to ask you. Do you have any friends from Pristina that maybe today you still keep in contact with, that you guys were childhood friends and stuff like that?

03:16 Oh, of course. My friend Afina, actually, about three years ago, her, her husband and three kids all came to our house. We had a great Christmas, great new Year's we spent it all together. And growing up with my friends, you know, you never lose that touch. We might not talk to each other for a long time or see each other for a long time, but when we get together, it's like we just saw each other yesterday. So that's what makes us so special.

03:47 Do you think that the culture in Kosovo, or really Europe in general, was different and made a different impact in your childhood than if you were to be raised in America? And why?

04:00 Honestly, I hate to say this, but 110%, especially growing up in Kosovo, all these privileges that American kids had, we didn't have. And even me, myself today, I actually kind of. How do I put this? I do blame myself and regret for not teaching my kids a little bit more of this humble life that we had in Kwasawa. You know, over there, you go and you get a juice or you get a Coke, and it's actually a privilege. They. They appreciate it over here, all the little things are not appreciated as much. And I made this mistake. So I'm not just saying it's American. It's Albanian, too. In America, I wish I would have raised my kids more aware, more appreciative of what they have, and honestly, more Albanian.

05:10 Right. And what about school? What was the difference between schooling? Because, I mean, I'm guessing that there's a difference.

05:19 Oh, my gosh. Are you kidding me? So my son right now, Ari he's junior, and he goes to this actually real school when I was Albanian in Kosovo, Serb sukar schools. So do you know what my high school was like? It was literally a house like mine right now with. Okay, let's just picture my house right now, and maybe already was sending some videos of it. And then you divide home, like, little, like, classrooms, and then kids are going there. So it's literally a house, an Albanian house. Literally, kids. Albanian kids going into homes for high school, and they're teaching and they're learning so hard. And can I say something? Honest to God, these kids are so smart. They learn things about that. You know, even in American college, I haven't learned. So blessed to be Albanian.

06:28 All right. And I know that earlier you were talking about your experience as a refugee, and so did you want to just maybe do a quick little recap or story time of how you got to America? So I guess from the moment that you guys figured out that the war was happening and that you had to leave your home and the entire life you had behind you and your experience through that start from the Beginning.

07:02 So I was, can you imagine? 17 year old girl, okay? My dad had friends, he had friends all over the world. And this guy, he happens to be a Serbian, calls my dad up and says, you know what, Dent, you need to leave. Dent is what we call my dad. And he says, you need to leave in five minutes because military is coming, Serbs are coming, they're gonna rape your daughters, kill your family. That's what that means. And you need to leave now. Right? So my dad hands me this sweatshirt of his, Sesame. Put your hair up and look like a boy, right? We get out of this car, relieved my whole life, everything. He said, don't take anything, that's his call. We get into the car, we get into this Hugo car that we had and we drive to my grandmother's house, my dad's mom's, who is on the other side of the city. And my test friend calls again and says, dude, you need to leave now. It's not safe, go. You need to leave the city now.

08:32 And when you said that you didn't bring anything, there was nothing that anyone brought from that home.

08:39 All we brought is food that we had. We were so scared, it wasn't even funny.

08:45 And so what happened when you guys.

08:47 Left, was there like, oh, so me going to our, you know, we were into this like nice neighborhood. So it's like we go into the street, down the road, there is this tank, Serbs tanks. And all these like military and all this horrible, horrible sites and anyways, I forgot to tell you a story.

09:18 Go ahead.

09:20 I went to my neighbor's house, cuz they were like our family. And I said, hey, listen, you need to leave now. Right? As I left my neighbor's house, I swear to God, bullet, I could feel it, right?

09:35 I don't.

09:35 My ear, that's not fake. Like this is real story. So anyways, so bullets were everywhere. So besides the point, now going back. So we're driving to my grandmother's house on the other side of the city. We went there, tried to ask them to come with us, they said no. My dad's friend said, hey, listen, you need to leave the country now. You're going to be dead, basically. So we get into our car, we start driving. We're driving, right? Gonna go to Macedonia. We don't know how we're gonna get there. So we drive. We only have food for like maybe one night, right? So as we get there, we see like, we're like freaking two hours away. When I'm telling you Macedonia, it's not that far from Us, but two hours away, parked on cars. Like, cars, like, trying to leave. Oh, yeah, trying to leave big time.

10:46 Like, so then at that point, what did you guys do?

10:49 So my dad said, you know what, we're gonna leave the car. We have to get there. It's sort of dark now, right? We don't want to be dark there because they're gonna come rape us and kill us and whatever they do. So my dad is like, we're gonna leave the car there. Fuck this and go ahead, girls, you better look like boys. He literally told me, put your hood up.

11:22 And so then what happened? Like, did you get. How long did you guys have to go on Foot for?

11:29 2 to 3 hours. By tanks, Serbian military, cops, scared. They stopped us multiple times. They took all of my mom's jewelry, every penny of my dad's money. And we really didn't think we were gonna get there alive.

12:01 So at that point, you guys kind of felt like there was. I don't know how to explain it, that there was really no victory for you at the time.

12:15 No, we literally thought we were gonna die.

12:18 So then how did you guys push through that and overcome that?

12:23 We kept walking. I remember, like today, Dini was on my dad's shoulder because he couldn't walk anymore. And he was 3. My grandmother was old, she couldn't walk anymore. It was getting dark. I had my hood on and a sweatshirt and my hair up and like, look like a boy. So they told him. And then we went to the border. And then guess what?

12:53 What?

12:54 They said, okay. It's okay. They let me, my mom, my grandmother, all of us go, but my dad, because they wouldn't let the man go through the border. And we cried and we screamed and we went over the border. And there was this man, this angel, I call him. He came to us and he's like, you know what? I got home for you. And I said, no. He's like, what? I'm not going with you until my dad gets here.

13:32 And so, I mean, I guess the only question is, did your dad get back? And if he did, do you know how he did it?

13:46 This man goes to the border, talks to some people. And my dad actually does come through. And all of us go to this family's house. And I remember it like today. Beautiful two story home, gorgeous people inside and out. They fed us tea, they gave us tea, they gave us all of our rooms. They made us feel safe. And that night.

14:24 And that night.

14:27 I lay there and I could hear chorus and I felt like something was coming to get us.

14:35 So then what end up. Because obviously you're here. So what was the journey like from Macadamia at the time to here?

14:48 So we're Macedonia from April to June. Actually. It was good in Macedonia. Can I be honest with you? I went to school there. The Albanian people that took us over were such good people. They took care of us. And then my uncle put the paperwork for us and they took us as refugees here. So when we moved to America in June 1999.

15:26 And how is that experience? Because at this point, I'm guessing you guys don't really have much and you're coming to a place like America where everything here is so money driven and so power hungry. And really you guys were at the bottom of the food chain. So how did that. Did that feel good in the sense that now, you know, you had that ability to where you could really go to school and you could really accomplish what you wanted to accomplish? Or did it feel the opposite where you were kind of scared and closed out because you felt like you didn't have that foundation in order to succeed?

16:06 Oh, are you kidding me? I was so excited to be in America. Every kid everywhere in the world dreams to be in America. I came here. I was very disappointed at first. I moved here, started working in cvs, minimum wage, of course. Did not like my job at all. Hated the food. We stayed with my uncles for a while. And then this church, First United Methodist Church, decided to give us a chance right in Cape May Courthouse. Myself and my family moved there. And when we were there, I was. I always knew I wanted to come to America for college even when I was not here. So I actually drove myself. Once I got. Of course, I moved here at 17. I got my driver's license. A church donated me a car. So I had a car and I drove to Atlantic City Community College. And I, myself and I sat there and met with these people. I told them that I wanted to college to. Wanted a college degree. So they said of course they took everything that I had. I signed up for it. I took criminal justice because in my country we don't have criminal justice major. So I thought it was my opportunity to get something here and go back home, right? Well, yeah, I started going to Atlantic City Community College.

17:44 And so after you started going to that college, did you meet people here in America that changed your life.

17:55 At City Community College, I met a lot of people that changed my life. But what really changed my life was when I went to Stockton College.

18:05 And why did that change your life?

18:07 That's when I met my husband, who is my father. Who is your. Yeah. Who is your father? That's Michael Haboa. And I met him my first, actually, semester in Stockton College.

18:21 And so I know that with a bunch of different cultures, it's very hard when your spouse is not that culture. So how is it the fact that my dad was born and raised here in America, how did your family take that?

18:38 Oh, funny enough, especially with my culture, as you know, we're not supposed to marry outside of it, but. But it just so happens that my husband's great grandmother was actually Albanian too.

18:51 And so that's how he got accepted into the family, basically.

18:56 Oh, 100%. So, yeah, he even had a paper to show for it. And yeah, my husband embraces my culture. And we created two gorgeous kids that are very Albanian. And you live a very Albanian semi life. Honestly speaking, I agree.

19:22 I think that we're very, very European in this household, more than America.

19:28 And even the picture you're going to be showing tonight shows our Albanian celebration, flag day. So.

19:36 Yeah, because today we went to an Albanian celebration for Albanian independence. And so the picture that we chose for this interview was our outfits before we went there, which ended up being the colors of the Albanian flag, 110%. Well, I think that we will end the interview here. I hope you enjoy talking about your experiences as much as I did listen to them. Do you have any last words for our viewers? Any words of motivation?

20:12 Proud to be Albanian and proud to have you as my son. Love you much.

20:17 Love you, too. Thank you guys so much for watching. This was the interview that I did with my mom for the 2023 story corpse. Great Thanksgiving lesson. Thank you so much.

20:30 Thank you. Love you.

20:33 Bye.