Jacqueline Robles and Mary Bess Ser

00:02 My name is Jackie Robles. I am 20 years old. Today's date is Saturday, February 8th, 2020 and I am in Chicago, Illinois. I'm here with my partner best and we just met.

00:19 My name is Mary Beth cyr, my age is 42 today's date is Saturday, February 8th to 20/20. Where in Chicago Illinois and I'm here with Jackie and I just met Jackie today.

00:40 So Jackie, I think it's really cool that you just happened to walk by the storycorps booth while you were visiting Chicago. I know you're really busy in school. And I think it's great that you are coming in to tell your story before you go back to California, so I don't know very much about you. But can you tell me about yourself growing up man? What your childhood was like? Yes, of course. I'm a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason so I know I'm not here by mistake. And I know I am meant to be here recording this interview. So that leaves me.

01:24 To talk about my life growing up when I was 5 years old. I was taken away into the Los Angeles foster care system.

01:36 My mom was a single mom and she took care of me and my two older brothers Paul and manual.

01:44 Who are 5 and 6 years older than me?

01:47 We were taken away because we weren't going to school and that was because my mom was severely depressed. She was schizophrenic. She had bipolar depression and she wouldn't take my brothers and I to school and so Social Services finally came by and took it away.

02:10 But I do remember that day. I'll never forget that day. I was five years old and it was a school day and I was there sitting with my grandpa. We live with my grandpa because my mom she didn't work. We had no income and my mom wasn't there and my brothers were in their room and they were playing video games. Of course. I remember someone knocking on the door and my grandpa got up to go see who it was and he knew he knew what was happening. He got really scared. I remember seeing his face and

02:49 Thinking. Oh, no, like, oh, no, it's not good.

02:57 These two people to older people one male one female they came and they were talking to my grandpa and my grandpa started crying and I remember sitting on the couch wondering why he was crying and they came into the living room and they came and picked me up. And when the lady was holding me, I was five years old at the time and date. The guy went to go knock on my brother's room and talk to my brothers and they came out of the room and we were escorted into a car and I remember the car being like a white van with a logo on it and I was five. I didn't know what the logo man couldn't read. I don't think but I remember it not being like a regular car and we got in and we were taken away and we were separated my two older brothers lived in a foster home with the older woman and I live with in a foster home.

03:57 With a woman that didn't speak English. So there was definitely a big language barrier. I live there for a year and my grandma and it up getting custody of us and we were finally brought back together. So for that year. I wasn't able to see my brother's my grandma was a single mom herself. She really struggle to take care of us shared a physical disability and life growing up wasn't the same. I remember, you know being in school and never telling any of my friends what was going on. I was really embarrassed. I was embarrassed of my story. I was embarrassed of not having a mom. Everyone had a mom and I was embarrassed of them knowing that I live with my grandma and I don't know why I look back now. I don't know why but I don't know I was young. This is my mom's mom. Yes.

04:57 I know so she was single mom. She she didn't my my mom's dad wasn't in her life. So she was raising us. My grandpa was my mom's dad.

05:12 Okay, right that they were married so she was like single and she had a kid of her her own and so she was almost near retirement. And so she her life changed completely when she had to take custody of us started working and she try to make sure that we could go to a school that was in a good neighborhood and I remember just growing up and it not being the same. My grandma didn't have a lot of money in for example holidays and birthdays. I never had a birthday party. My friends are having birthday parties. My friends will go to the movies every weekend and my grandma didn't have money to give me to go to the movies or talk to them about anything that was going on in your life or did you just kind of know I always kept it to myself. I was very embarrassed and they all knew I lived.

06:12 Grandma and at that point in my life, no one ever question it they just always Jackie's Grandma. They just knew they never asked. You know, where's your mom or where's your dad? Even the little kids are nosy but I don't know how they didn't think to ask that but it wasn't until later when I got into middle school and high school and kids start getting smarter and I can't hide it as easy. I had to tell my friends and sew in middle school. I started telling my friends slowly but surely because it comes up in conversation, you know, people ask what do your parents do or who you spending the holidays with or is your mom coming to parent-teacher conference tonight? So these questions come up and it was easier for me to start telling the truth instead of lying because it got to a point where I didn't know who I was telling the truth to and who I was lying to

07:08 Whether times can you remember that?

07:13 Things are really stressful or you are worried about things and it was hard to hide around your friends are in school. Like it was affecting you there was like I definitely during Middle School and High School. I lost like a lot of friends and stuff because even though they knew about my situation briefly. They didn't understand the Dynamics of it and I lost a lot of friends because of that and I I stop talking to people because people just didn't quote on quote like get it because when my friends would like go out go to the mall and go to the movies and stuff and like I wouldn't go because I don't have money to go and my grandma didn't have money to give me to go and I had a just not not go and I was like not included. I remember this feeling a lot of anxiety and stress about that and you know, a lot of these people that I was with that I said that I went to school in a really good neighborhood.

08:13 Please my friends parents they had money they had money to you know, take the kids on family vacations and travel in the summer and like another thing actually is a lot of them are enrolled in a lot of extracurricular activities, you know Sports and like dance and stuff like that outside of school and like we can afford that not only my grandma's single moms. Just taking care of four of us in a one-bedroom apartment and we constantly were moving because my grandma was always just trying to find cheaper rent cheaper rent.

08:52 And so this is yeah. This isn't a Leo. This is in Downey, California, but LA County. So I live with my grandma in Downey for 10 years and when I was 16

09:12 My grandma decided to move and retire so she decided to retire no 16 and I was the only one in school at this point. I was going to High School in Downey California and it was I had two choices I could either move with her because she was going to move out of California to Oklahoma because it was cheaper wrapped or I could stay but that man if I stayed I would either have to live with a friend or figure something out and she gave me that choice because she didn't want to force me to move over there because she was retiring because she knew my whole life was in Downey and I made the decision to stay with my grandma ended up leaving and retiring and so from 16 from 16. I was Couchsurfing with friends, so I would stay with friends and they knew my situation, but they didn't quite

10:12 And like your grandma retired and moved out of state and left you here. Is that even legal? Oh my God, I was so I remember that at this point was so checked out of school where it was it became like a everyday like where am I going to sleep? Because I never wanted to overstay my visits at like friends houses and sure that sure they knew the situation but they didn't I didn't explain to them like this is like a long-term thing and I got to a point where my grades started dropping kind of stopped going to school and living with friends was not going to work out and so I I was 16. I was still a minor so I went back into the foster care system. So this whole time from like 16 a couple months had passed by where is Couchsurfing and it was kind of under the table.

11:12 Kind of thing because this is kind of illegal. I was under no one's care. Legally the state didn't know that they didn't know it was just a no one knew because I was still going to school when like, I was just living with a friend that lived in Downey and it got to a point where it wasn't sustainable anymore. My grades were falling. I didn't have any money. I couldn't, you know, there's only so much that your friend's parents can buy for you pay pay for and so I left the Hollywood and I lived at a homeless shelter.

11:48 I live there and I enrolled into Hollywood High School and that was definitely a big change for me for me because even though I went to a school like in a really good neighborhoods Hollywood High School is definitely next level overnight. I went from going to school with you know, people that were involved in extracurricular and family vacations. And now I'm going to school with these people that are in the students that are in like gifted music programs and their parents are famous actors and Executives in Hollywood, and they didn't know my story and I had to to go to that school when I was like in 11th grade and making that transition and going home to a homeless shelter.

12:39 Every night and waking up to go to school the next day. My mind was just not at school and technically I was in the foster care system at this point Los Angeles foster care system is one of the biggest in the world and it's so impacted that I shouldn't have like lived in a homeless shelter, but it's so impacted that that was like they're only space for me. And so this 30-day homeless shelter That was supposed to be temporary temporary. They sent me there and I was it's a 30-day shelter. So you're only supposed to be there for a maximum of 30 days. I ended up staying there for the whole one and a half to two years until I graduated high school. And so I at this point I'm taking everything day by day. I got a job at a local cafe in Hollywood club Beach Beachwood Cafe. The really really nice cafe all these rich hike.

13:39 What come after they hiked and eat there and I work there as like a Hostess and I would go to school and I would work and I would just try to get get through everything like day by day and I was just focused so focus on graduating high school. That's all I wanted at this point because for the statistics in the data for foster youth is just so so bad less than one less than 10% of foster youth former Foster youth will graduate high school. I was more likely to go to prison and get involved in drugs and or end up dead then finish high school. A lot of a lot of my peers dropped out a lot of them got pregnant at a young age lot of them were sex traffic and I saw it and at this point is I was 16 almost turning 17.

14:36 I got a call one day and it was from my dad's side of the family. I don't know how they got my number they did and they call me to tell me that they thought that I should know that my dad was in prison. And when I asked what for because I never met my dad my dad left my mom when I was in her stomach when she got pregnant with me never knew this guy who is essentially a stranger get a cost thing but he's in prison and I asked for what?

15:16 And they didn't want to tell me.

15:20 And they were like you should ask him yourself.

15:24 And they gave me his like mailing address to write to him if I wanted to and for a year. I left that untouched. I didn't want to write to him didn't care didn't know who he was and if I had enough going on there was I didn't care. I eventually got to a point where I was like 17 and then I turned 18 and a month later. I graduated high school. I was still living at the same shelter. My dad like a year-and-a-half. How are you like washing your clothes? So all the money that I made working this Cafe job was like going into my everyday living expenses Transportation Transportation washing my clothes in LA.

16:24 Los Angeles transportation system. I know that system like from point A to point B anywhere in La takes 2 hours and then it's not even better to drive because you're going to be in traffic for 2 hours so likely the shelter was in Hollywood. So it was I could walk but I typically took the train but all the money I made was going into these expenses buying my own clothes and buying my own shoes and paying for my own phone bill and I didn't have the privilege like my peers, you know, their parents typically would pay for these expenses so they had jobs but their money was going towards the new iPhone and cars gas for the car. I don't know what Rich Kids by I don't know plane tickets.

17:18 I have you know, I really kept it very low-key. I felt really I was really depressed at this point. I didn't feel like Hollywood with my home and I didn't care to meet people because I felt like it probably sound so emo thing and now but I in this moment I felt like I just want to graduate. I don't want to make french tips with these people. They don't know me. I don't know them. They won't ever get it. They won't get my story. They won't understand, you know where I come from. They won't they probably want to know what a homeless shelter is. So I really laid low at this point. I probably have like two people that I talk to you in class.

18:00 And I I laid low and I finally was able to graduate of course the dad thing writing to my dad was on the back burner and when I graduated I had apply to college I forgot to mention but I applied to colleges because I wanted to go to a 4-year University out of high school and oh, yes, and did you apply to I applied for a pie Dad? If a lot of different schools during this time, I needed a like letters of recommendations. And so I reached out to like school counselors and

18:42 There was actually a counselor that told me that I should just consider going to a community college because for foster youth it was easier and cheaper to get into a community college than a state school. I'm the type of person that if you tell me that I can't do it. I'm going to do it just because he said I can do it and and that that came along with the fee waivers because she explained to me like Jackie you can only get a certain amount. We only issue like to per person so you can get a fee waiver for the college but anything else you're going to have to pay for and I reached out to somebody. I knew his name is Armand. He's one of my favorite people in the world. I hold him very very close to my heart. Now. He was essentially like an educational resource person at at Hollywood High School You Know Rich schools have these people to help you get into college apparently.

19:42 He really helped me to navigate through that process because no one in my family has ever gone to college. I didn't know what that look like. I didn't know where to start. I didn't know how to how do you go to college? And I had my packet my one academic counselor telling me that you should probably just go to Community College because it's really hard for you to go straight until 4 University because of the cost and where you going to live in, you know dorming if you'd warm it's going to be so expensive High going to pay for it and I was like, no I'm not going to go to a community college. I want to go to 4-year University and that's what I want to do and I'm going to do it and so I worked with Armand and every day during my senior year. I would go meet with him in his office and we would work on personal statement and he would he would call sat he would call act and he would explain.

20:42 Them on my behalf, you know my situation and they they would some of these people are so nice. They would just wave it they would go into the system and wave wave the fee and these these tests to get into college. I really really expensive he would call the school's call Admissions and asked if there was any way to waive the the the application fees because they're like a hundred plus a hundred plus dollars each.

21:09 And they did and I applied and I wrote the statements and I got accepted into California State University Long Beach and I still lived in the shelter at this point and I had to move because I already graduated high school and I was already 18 years old. I had to move and I was able to apply to a lot of scholarships and that helped me get into the dorms my first year of college making that transition from homeless shelter to 4-year University.

21:51 Is another story for another day, but I was super excited because I was finally able to take ownership of my life and and live by myself. And so I went to go live in the dorms and tuition was covered because the state helps pay tuition because I'm considered an independent student because I don't count my parents income and I was able to start school.

22:26 That summer after I graduated high school. I started a semester early ahead of my peers.

22:34 And I was able to go and was that like moving into the dorm? Oh my God. It was like that was it was definitely a transition. I thrived though because I was finally in an environment where I was able to make my own decisions and be independent and

22:53 The only thing and this this is another important person in my life making that transition is expensive not only tuition and not only dorming cost but just moving into a dorm and buying, you know, I saw parents moving their kids into into college. I was a thing and that's a thing to this day. You going to any Target during August and September UC dorm supplies and bedding and everywhere everywhere takes up half the store school supplies and all that and I remember wondering like how I was going to let you know pay for this and like I remember going to Target and like, oh my God, this stuff is so expensive. I have to buy my own comforter set there a hundred plus dollars for the good ones. Like are you serious? I need to buy a small trash can make all these all these expenses and luckily I was able to meet

23:53 She was a

23:59 I don't know what my relationship with her is a mentor now, her name is Lisa. She without my knowledge when I was making this transition. She made a registry for me.

24:13 And she had all her friends pay for everything that I needed for the dorms.

24:20 And I knew her because when I was in the foster care system be

24:28 They appoint almost like an adult an adult in your life and their volunteers. So they work with the Foster youth. Do you know and help them? And so she helped me throughout high school and stuff. She actually took me to tour colleges and stuff like that. I left that out. But at this point she made us registry. So I knew her from from the foster care system. She was appointed to me by the court. She was a volunteer. I had known her for probably a year and

25:03 When I was in my dorm, I started getting big giant packages from Bed Bath & Beyond and I was like, what is this? What is all this stuff and I was opening it and they bought me like comforter set. She said a Keurig. Can you believe that a microwave a fridge all this stuff shower sandals? Cuz it's a thing in college all this stuff every single thing they pay for they bought and she didn't tell me and I just found out because all this stuff started showing up to my doorstep then I was so overwhelmed because

25:46 Somebody that I didn't know that wasn't my family, you know really cared and I felt that and so she was able to do that and

25:56 Are there real live in dorm and the cost for covered and I received a lot of foster youth scholarships because the other solo there's a lot of Foundations and nonprofits that give out money to Foster youth that are pursuing higher education. And so I work with a lot of nonprofits. They gave me a lot of scholarships on the pay for my schooling and could you up did you have a hard time like letting your guard down and just like being a student? Yeah, but I think that's something that's going to stay with me forever. I always have my guard. Oh, I don't trust people or working on it though it working on it.

26:52 Is definitely I want to make sure that we have time so you're in college of this life, but travel seems like it's something is always been important to you from your doctor about like an hour Chicago. You said you were in Australia last month. So you're saying your mom had

27:20 So my mom had never been on the airplane mode on an airplane before she never been out of the state. Like I said, my families were never my family was never able to take like are typical family vacations every summer. I had never gone out of the state. I probably gone to Vegas like once and cuz everyone does who's and when I was in college, and I was finally not being

27:49 Taking care of by the state

27:52 And I finally got a job. I started just when students my other peers. Were you no drinking and partying every weekend. I decided to start buying plane ticket and going and seeing the world and that was important to me because my mom had met has and had never been on an airplane and I knew that if I don't do it now or when am I going to do it when I become when and if I become a parent

28:20 It's expensive. I see I see parents traveling now and you have to buy all your kids plane tickets and all they sent and so that was my inspiration and the more I started traveling the more I realize how grateful I was and how

28:41 Grateful I was for these opportunities because every every place I would travel it would open my mind more the more and more you see the world the more and more you realize how small you are and how small your struggles and world is and that really really changed my perspective in something that I hold to me. Now, is that no matter what my story is it doesn't take away from it, but there's always people that have it worse than you always always always and I saw that I saw I've been to China. I've I went to China and by myself alone or 3 weeks, I went to China last summer and I saw a lot of homeless people a lot of homeless people a lot of people that are working really really hard for little little pee and I came back to the States and I was like,

29:41 I have it. So good here.

29:44 And so that I think traveling.

29:49 Has open my mind and humbled me for the first time the first place I traveled I'm trying to think so out of state or

30:02 I can't remember on top of my head.

30:05 I started traveling initially because when I got into college and I was working with these nonprofits, they's some of them started flying me out to their conferences to speak and that was something I also did I forgot to mention. I've done a lot of public speaking advocating for other Foster youth in representing these organizations that I've received scholarships and help from and so that's when I initially started flying I wouldn't have gone to Vegas and I went to Boston. I've done like several events in LA. And when I started flying on their dime, I was like I can do this I want to do this and so I just started going to places that I always wanted to let you know I saw like in the movies of stuff you see in the movies are the stuff you hear about when people are like 30 years old and you know, they're in their big girl jobs, and they finally have money to travel so last year around this time. I was in Europe and I went backpacking in

31:05 Italy in London and Scotland and Paris and all those places with two of my best friends.

31:15 And this actually in March the end of March beginning of April. I'll be going to Thailand and Bali and last month. I was just in Australia for 2 weeks with my best friend. And so I I I want to continue to travel before I have kids. I want to travel the world before I have kids and I think traveling it's one of those things that people push off and they they don't do and that's something they regret when they die.

31:45 What about so you've said your best friend that sounds like since since you've gone to college that you've been able to open up to some people shout out to Ava and Diego.

32:01 College people are different people want to be in college and people have different mindsets in college and I was able to connect with three of my best bestest bestest friends in the world. The really really great people. I've been able to travel to some of these places with them some without them because I've gotten two places by myself and it's been college has just been an exceptional time because some of my lowest points in my life or spending holidays alone and some of these friends have open up their homes to me during these holidays and have treated me like I was their family and and so that college just has been a great experience around meeting these people and being able to spend time with them. I just been great and being able to meet friends that I know like I'll have for a lifetime is crazy.

32:56 We talk about your relationship with your mom. Oh, yes, of course. How could I forget?

33:01 So the last thing you mentioned I think on.

33:07 Have you was being taken away when you're at 5 but that wasn't obviously the last time that you spoke with her know. I'm still have a relationship with her. We have a a friendship, I guess however, you want to say it's definitely a role reversal kind of relationship and not your traditional relationship a lot of time in college. I see my perosino calling out to their mom when they're like struggling during exam season or that's definitely not the case with me. I do see her about twice a month. My mom's mental health has definitely deteriorated as the years have passed by and especially this year has been quite hard. She's had like a serious health issues with her heart and stuff like that when I see her I'm not able to have a conversation with her. Actually. It wasn't until probably two years into college. She didn't even know I was in

34:07 She still doesn't get that she doesn't get that. I'm in college and she doesn't understand I so when I do see her I probably Syria like for an hour we go to lunch and then I go drop her off. She is homeless right now. She lives in a shelter and her mental health is is really really bad. I'm just trying to get help I've worked with people, you know to try to help her because my brothers and I hope they're listening to this one day. They don't have a relationship with her. And so I'm the only one in her life right now that supports her and so my relationship with her has been non-traditional growing up. I've got you no calls that she was in a psychiatric hospital and they're going to put her in solitary confinement or they're going to strap her down or she's having it like a an episode stock.

35:07 Pictures of all types of things they've called me and they've told me that she's she said that she want to kill herself. She wants to kill herself. She's going to kill herself and I've had to go into the situations and I'm only 20 so I was like 1817 and show up to these hospitals and

35:24 Actors act on her behalf because a lot of times these people don't have any family members and so these institution they kind of treat the patients. However, so I've always showed up and so that that's where we're at with our relationship and I imagine that's how it's going to be in the future and it's fine where it's at. I don't wish for nothing more nothing less at this point.

35:49 And so you did write to your dad and he wrote back he wrote back. He I wrote I ended up writing to him because that was on the back burner for about a year and then I finally throw back to him and probably two weeks later. I got a response and

36:08 I won't it's another story for another day. But I asked him about you know, why he was in prison. Why was he serving a life sentence? And he told me in the letters. I didn't because of the crime he committed which we won't say it right here. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't have any purpose to talk to him. And so we exchanged a couple letters and I had plans to visit him and he was in a prison up north in Northern California, and I never went to go see him and that's something still in the back burner two years later. It's not really a priority to do right now. I stopped writing to him. I don't really care to see him. And yeah that that's that.

36:57 There's a couple minutes left. I'm really curious.

37:05 How many years what like what you're saying and what you hope to do in the future great question. I'm so excited about the future right now. So I am actually graduating this. May I because I entered a semester early I was able to get my bachelor's in three years, which is crazy less than 1% of foster youth will get a bachelor's within 6. And so I told him okay, I'll do it in three. And so I have plans to go to grad school. I want to get my Master's so my undergraduate degree will be in business management. I'll be walking across that stage in May. I apply to grad school and I applied to some of the really top grad programs in the state of California UCLA and USC. I want to study I want to get into the Masters in public administration program and you

38:05 Shelly has a masters in public policy program

38:08 I want to get into educational policy. I think I'm so passionate about it. So so passionate about it educational representation for people that are underrepresented minorities people of color because education has really leverage me out of my situation that has allowed me to write My Own Story one day upon the own and run my own non-profit. I'm really really passionate about nonprofit organization especially ones that help Foster youth probably a group home and I do want to do something in mental health. My mom's Mental Health

38:48 History has been so impactful on me my whole life growing up. I'm really really passionate about that as well. And so I don't know what the future holds because

38:58 I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and you can never plan what's going to happen in your life because let me tell you your plans. Never never play out how you want. They say if you want to make God laugh tell him what you want to do in the future. And so those are goals that I have and that's kind of the direction that I want to go and what I want to do. I want to make change. I want to leave a legacy and I want to make change that will trickle down to Generations to come and whatever capacity that is. I just have faith and I'm really humbled to be here be in Chicago and however that's going to play out. It's going to play out and I don't I don't hope too much on it. I don't like to get too caught up in the future cuz you never know what can happen in your life.

39:50 You said God so you believe in God, how how have you seen God in your life?

39:59 A question to ask I don't I just like that quote. Somebody told me I don't believe in God personally. I do believe and there is definitely higher power because I don't think things are not coincidences. I'm not in this life or people are not in this life or you do not cross paths with people on accident and I do believe everything happens for a reason and so I have faith. I don't know who or what somebody I do believe there's a higher power over us. There's no way like there's not because then we wouldn't exist. So not God per se but somebody and something is watching over all of us.

40:44 Are there people especially when you cross paths like with certain people that leave impacts in your life? It's it's just not a coincidence.

40:55 So when you if you listen to this in 20 years, what do you hope for for yourself at that time? You say your future dear future Jackie. You better of me change you better of help these poor you they're counting on you one of my other favorite quotes and continues to inspire me is your assigned this mountain to show others. It can be moved. And so I hope that I did something with my story and I hope that I may change an impact and that's that's all I want. Whatever capacity that is. I hope that's what I did.

41:32 And I hope you are an awesome mom. I hope you're the mom that you never had.

41:42 Thank you. Thank you Beth.