Jailexie & Kathleen

00:00 Okay.

00:01 Okay. Hello. Hi.

00:07 Okay, so something I wouldn't like. All this meetings that we've talked and we've like had our little walks. Something that you've really like, instilled, I guess in me and like taught me was about like personal growth and like your whole thing about every like seven years there's something that happens. I don't know, I've never heard of anything like that in the change. And you've been like, so like something about like how you presented it was so like natural and like, you don't have to worry about all these changes. They just always. They're going to happen. And I just want to know a little bit of how you think, like they played a role in your life. If you find elaborating.

00:49 Yeah. The one that really stands out to me was the first time I learned about this. I was 49 and I decided to go back to school and learn. Learn kind of the way my children learned because I sent them to Waldorf School and there was a three year program that included painting and you're with me and oh, just all the arts. And I thought, I think I'll take that and experience learning how my children learned many, many years ago. And when I did that, one of the things that I, that I came to understand was that at age 49, 49 to 56, that's a time of now looking out into the world to see, see what's your life been about. So it's like you're sitting on top of the mountain and just reviewing your life. And I thought, oh my gosh, that's exactly what I did. Exactly. So that was just quite amazing. And I had no, I'd never heard of that before. So that was one thing. It was like, gosh, I hit that mark exactly right. Let's see. And another time. And during like 21 to 42, they can be challenging years, as you know. And just looking back and seeing the development, the human development that happens there and recognizing that, oh, this is the time when you interact with who you become in the first 21 years. Now you've got your body and then now you, now you're looking to how do you interact with the world now? How do you step into the world? And stepping. You learned through conflict, you learned through bumps and falling down and thought, gosh, I just remember like when I was. That when I was in that age bracket, I was. I used to have older people around me and think they could solve my problem in a second if they just gave me like a Brand new car or money or, you know, the right advice and they didn't. And thinking, wow, I just, you know, I wanted. And now that, now that I'm, you know, I'm 67 now, now that I look back and see, gosh, that's. It's not our job as elders to make it right. It's our job to walk beside and give hope. But we can't fix all the problems. Yeah, those are some of the things I remember. Yeah.

03:40 And do you think like, still now you're like learning and growing?

03:45 Oh, always. Oh my gosh, forever. Yeah, this is. And my dad was a great, a great picture, a great example of that because he learned up until, I mean my mom had dementia and my dad, he was always learning, what's the newest thing? How can I help her? He was always engaged in learning, learning, learning. So yeah, no, I'm not done. There's. I'm still curious about everything.

04:15 And then you said like when you went back to school and all that was like a big moment in your life in transitioning. Do you think like by going back that's what made you like shape your career in like the artsy more roles you always wanted?

04:31 Yeah, exactly. Before that I had a 20 year old, a 20 year business of being a knitwear designer. So I would create sweaters and they'd be in stores and I had a sales rep and so I was very active as an entrepreneur doing that. And then when I met this work, I thought, oh my goodness, that part of my life is over now. And I stepped, I had a half price sale and I ended my career doing that and I stepped into this work and I. And it feels like I'm still knitting but now I'm helping people knit their lives together. So their stories, through their stories, we. I can knit their lives together. We can knit their lives together. Yeah.

05:17 So you think that job you're doing is like, it's very untraditional how like in today's society, like everyone has like their nine to fives, everything like that and like they do it pretty much like live. But in your job, do you find it like super, like, I don't know, meaningful to you and like it's untraditional so it's like obviously not seen often. Like when you first told me, I was like, oh my God, what? Like I've never heard of that before. But do you think it's like rewarding in your life and like what you want?

05:47 Oh my gosh, yeah, totally. It was so rewarding that three years After I, when I graduated, I helped create a nonprofit. So now this organization is a nonprofit. And I've been with it ever since then, and I think it's about 13 years old now. So much of the work I do, it has nothing to do with money.

06:14 Yeah.

06:14 And I've actually never. I've never had a traditional 9 to 5 job. Yeah. And I've always been curious about that, too. I just can't figure out how to do that, but I've never had to, so it worked really well for me.

06:29 And then, like, moving on in your life, is there anything like, anything you've been told, especially, like, your job, like, in your field of, like, work, or like someone has, like, presented to you, like when you're a patient, like your clients or whatever that, like, stuck with you, it's okay to say no?

06:50 No. I would say yes. What always astonishes me is when people tell me their stories and I. And I know, you know, where they are in their development on this development chart. It's astonishing how it's like, oh, my gosh, of course you're there. That is the question of this time that you're in now. I'm working with a woman now who's 37, and that's one of her. One of the moon nodes, when the moon is lined up exactly as it was at your birth. And the questions that she's asking of now, what and how do I move on now? These are exactly the questions that you ask at 37. Exactly. So we're just exploring those questions. I mean, they're questions you ask for forever. But they are her core questions now of, I've done this, and I've done this. What's my next step? What have I come to do? So, yeah, so it always meets it. The development stage always shows up in people's stories, even in our. Even in our conversation, listening to the one person talk about when she was divorced. She divorced her husband at 29. You know, he had been ill. And then she. It's like, that is. That's the Saturn return. That's when Saturn lines up and that's when the rug is pulled out from under you. And there's going to be a big change. And you have to. You have to take up life in a different. You can take up life in a different way. These are all possibilities. They're not exact, but I thought, oh, my gosh, there she is at exactly the right time when that question should come.

08:28 That's so, it's so cool that you know all that I don't know. I've never, like, heard of anyone or talked to anyone who knows all this little fancy stuff.

08:39 I know a little bit. Yeah.

08:42 So those. That was, like, my main questions for you, but I do have one more that's a little. It's, like, not really on track, I guess, but when you. You said you got, like, married soup. Like, not super young, but pretty young.

09:00 Yeah.

09:03 Do you think, like, that was the. Right. I mean, I've seen you and your husband. He's adorable. You guys are adorable. But do you think that was, like, the. You knew, like, that's what you wanted to do and, like, get married and have your kids that time in life?

09:21 It definitely was. Yeah, definitely. And it. And because my mom. I got married when my mom did, so it's. It wasn't as though it was different.

09:31 Yeah.

09:32 So I was following her track, but none of my friends were married then. But it just seemed. It seemed totally right. I asked him to marry me. So there I was. Yeah. So I was 20 and he was 27, and, you know, we were living together, and I thought, enough is enough. I want. I want commitment. So I asked him. Yeah.

09:54 Oh, my gosh. I didn't know that. Oh, that's so cool. That's so cool. I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I'm. I. That's so cool. Good for you. That's amazing. But those are my questions for you. I just wanted to say, like, thank you. I think, like. Oh, I've never had. I mean, obviously I have, like, my grandparents, but no one that has taught me so much, like, about, like, my life, and especially, like, this semester with a lot of, like, change and I'm going abroad and stuff. You've always, like, eased my mind with it, so I'm very thankful for you and grateful.

10:31 Great. Thank you. Thank you. I know it was such a shock that I wasn't your mom's age, that I would.

10:37 I know my grandma. Yeah. My mom's, like, 42.

10:42 Yeah.

10:42 Yeah.

10:43 That's my daughter. That's my daughter's age. Yes.

10:46 No, but really, I don't know, like, going into the class, I didn't really think, like, much of it. Like, I mean, it's, like, cool, but I didn't think I'd, like, make a friend out of it, so I'm very.

10:57 Thankful for all you've done, and I.

10:59 Can'T wait to see you Wednesday.

11:01 Yes. Good. I'm so glad we're good to see each other.

11:04 I know.

11:05 And hopefully more. Yes.

11:06 Yeah.

11:07 Great. Well, thank you, thank you, thank you. This has been just a real treat for me. Oh my gosh, I'm so grateful.

11:13 Yeah, I'm gonna. I think I have to stop this recording and do it again. So record. We're all good again.

11:23 And you have, you know, and yeah, iced tea.

11:27 It's like an iced gray tea. And I just added some nice, nice, nice.

11:34 So what I've really taken up from you is important people, that people are important. Your family is very important to you. Your friends are important to you. So what I'd like to ask you first is to describe your circle of friends. Not the ones you have now, but the ones you had before you came to college. Describe them and what, what brought you together with them.

12:02 Honestly, they're just, they're so different for me. I think a lot of my like, childhood friends I met in the like ways you wouldn't want to meet people. I met like my best friend from home, Ariel. I met her when she was in like a psych psychiatric hospital. I was going to visit my sister. I met her there and she just happened to be from the same like, neighborhood I lived in and all this stuff. And we just became like really good friends. My best friend Paula, she was in the bathroom crying. Like we became friends. So they're all just like walks of different life. And my mom has always like, been someone to implement like kindness and she's like, you know, you never know what people are going through. You just have to like, understand and relate in some way, be like empathetic towards them. And I think that's very true in the ways I've met my friends because it's not like we were in class beside each other and we just like started chit chatting and became friends. I've met them in like uncommon spaces, I guess, and they're just very like welcoming. My entire life I've moved so much, like when I was a kid. So I've never had like the friends who are like, oh, she's here now. Like, we're going to make friends with them. Like, it's very hard to keep a stable relationship when you're constantly like juggling, moving. And I think that they have been very stable. So I, I think that the best way to describe them is stable because like, no matter what, especially come to college, like, I'm not there. They still like, call me, make sure I'm like, good. If something happens, they're always there. Two of them have surprised me by visiting. Like, I just think that I value their like, I think, like, courage and strength. I love that they've never, like, just kind of, like, ghosted me, I guess. Like, they've always been there. Even when, like, times are harder, they're going through something. Like, we all know, like, no matter what, even if I don't talk to you for months, like, I'm gonna be there for you when you need it. So I think that's what I really value in them is just how, like, open and welcoming they've always been.

14:12 Yeah, I love it. Yeah. So I'm hearing how available they are to you and how comfortable you feel with them. And do you have. Is there someone that you feel like you can talk to about anything at all?

14:25 Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. My friend Ariel, she's. I don't think since the moment we've met, we just, like, clicked like, something was there. We were making jokes back and forth. She helped me when my mom and my dad, they've separated, like, my entire life, but when I was, like, in middle school is when they, like, fully like, ended contact with each other. Like, they're just like, we don't need to be there. And it was just, like, a hard transition in my life realizing, like, oh, well, now I'm the only communication between my mom and my dad. So she's always, like, no matter what, I know that anything hard, anything happy. I call her when I get, like, good grades on my exams. She's always been there. But I don't think anyone can really top my mom. As much as you don't want to talk to your mom about everything. I do. She's. She had, like, a really hard life growing up. So she's always, like, told us, like, you know, I'm not going to judge you. Like, it's your life. It's what you do. It's your lessons. So it's always been it really easy for me to just, like, go to her for everything. Like, every little detail of every little thing I have to go through. I probably tell her. I remember, like, the first. This is, like, a little much. For the first time I got my period, I was, like, freaking out, and I was like, mom, how do you do this? How do you do this? I mean, you're like, sit in the bathroom with me and, like, figure it out. So as much as, like, I would love to say Ariel, someone I go to for everything, I think I have to, like, say my mom. Like, she's just someone that knows me. She grew me. So I think she's the person that, like, I trust. And I Think she, like, deserves it to have, like, someone who she knows is going to go to her. And I've always been super honest and open with her. I think, like, the dynamic of, like, a daughter and a mom. Yeah.

16:13 Thank you. And tomorrow's Mother's Day.

16:15 I know. I'm going home tonight to surprise her, so. Yeah. Yeah.

16:23 Wow. That's a daughter award. Totally.

16:25 Yeah. Just for, like, two days, but still.

16:28 Oh, my gosh. That's the best surprise a mom can have.

16:31 Yeah. I'm excited. She's been going through it, so I'm happy to be able to go see her.

16:37 Oh, that's great. Wow. Wow. Well, I want to get back to some other people, but first I want to know, so what growing up from. And I'm going to do this by the phase 14 to 21. Like, what. What strengths do you have that. That you've acquired during your teenage years? What strengths?

17:00 I think a lot of it. One I've gained is, like, a sense of, like, self respect and self, like, love. Like, I think when I was a kid, I was always told to, like, you know, kind of, like, be submissive to others. Like, if they want this, like, do that. If I need to do this for that person, do that. Like, I've never. I've just kind of gone with it. I've never, like, stood up for myself. I was a very, like, Tim kid. But I remember at like, 16 or 17, like, my. There was, like, an incident with, like, my dad and my mom, and it was just, like, not great. And I think that was the first lesson I learned to, like, okay, I have to start standing up for myself. Like, I don't want this to happen to me. I don't want people to, like, walk over me because I, like, allow it. Because as much as you don't want to think about, oh, it's my fault, like, I am allowing it, I'm provoking it. So I think a big thing I've learned is, like, trusting myself, standing up for myself. And then also I'd like to say, like, honesty. As a kid. You, like, as a kid, I would make up, like, little fibs or, like, be like, oh, I'm sick. Or, like, say stiff, like, that wasn't true. And I realized, like, the best thing you can do for another person is be honest with them. Even if it's like a harsh honest, or like, it's you messed up honest. I think so. All we owe each other is, like, some form of honesty. And I learned that very easily, especially as a teenager with My mom and stuff, she'd be like, where you go in? I'd be like, oh, like, here? She's like, okay, let's be honest. I'm like, okay, yeah, I'm going here. Like, I'm not a great liar anyways. So I think, like, the whole honesty is just, like, a big role, especially in, like, me and my mom's relationship now that I've learned. And so I'd have to say, like, those are the biggest lessons and, like, strengths I think I've gotten is to, like, kind of put myself first. Obviously, like, you want to be a little selfless, but realizing, like, when it's time to put you before others has been a big thing I've learned. And I really like that that I've learned that about myself.

19:12 Yeah. Beautiful. Thank you. Yes. Those are qualities I see so clearly in you. Honesty. Total honesty. And then the other quality I see so strongly in you is caring. Caring. Caring and being able to connect so well. Yeah. A beautiful connector.

19:38 Thank you.

19:40 Yes. So your mom. So you spoke about your mom. Tell me about two other people that have been important in your life.

19:47 Probably my sister Zaria. I have six sisters, so there's a bunch of us. I've never been close with my big sister. She. There's just, like, a lot that happened that, like, our relationship just didn't connect as it should have. But my little sister's always, like, been my six sisters. Like, I feel like when I'm with her, I'm with all of them. Like, I feel so connected to everyone. She suffers from, like, depression, which has always been really hard. But whenever, like, whenever, like, something's wrong, she'll, like, call me. I've gotten her, like, to get. She doesn't drive, so I've gotten her, like, tickets on the Amtrak to come out here when she's, like, having really bad days. So her and I have always been super close. For only a year apart, too, which is really nice. And then probably, like, this is gonna sound, like, odd, but my ex. Boyfriend.

20:36 Yeah, you speak well of him. Yes, yes.

20:39 He's. He's a. You know, he obviously, like, relationships don't always work. Like, sometimes you aren't meant to be with someone in the way you thought you were meant to be with someone. But I think, like, our friendship, really. I came here, like, to Amherst. He's the first person, like, I met. We just happened to. I happened to always be in Blueburn, Mass. In, like, Bedford, which is where he just happened to grow up and live. So it, like, I would Always be with him over the summer if I was here, like, just. He's my only friend really connected to, like, Amherst and home, like, my other home. And he's always, like. He's also been someone who's taught me, like, so much about myself. He's like, you know, you can't let people do that. Like, you're too, like, nice. You're too kind. You have to sometimes, like, figure it out. Like, they're not going to be mad at you. Like, it's fine. And I think, like, although it's so late in my life, like, you know, well, late. Late in my life, like, whatever. Like, I'm 21, but he. Someone that I know. Like, as much as our relationship was strained in a, like, a romantic way, our relationship is really, like, connecting, powerful, and, like, meaningful in a friendship way. Yeah. So those, I think, like, them too, between, like, my sister, my mom, and Jimmy, they've all taught me something else and, like, been someone in my life that I knew, like, supported me and was there for me. And I think they're really special people in their own ways that have brought a lot to me. So I can't imagine what they've done for others.

22:10 Thank you, thank you, thank you. And it's big that you're able to receive this and reflect on it, too.

22:16 Yeah.

22:17 Pretty big. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for sharing them.

22:21 Yeah.

22:21 And. Yeah. And I think that's. That's good. And something that I recognize and I'm grateful for is just knowing you, I am so comfortable with the world. We're going to be okay. Like, you're caring and love for the world and people. That's it. Yeah. We're going to be okay. So thank you. As an older person. Thank you. Coming up. And so I'm so glad you got to meet Sammy.

22:53 Oh, I am, too. He's so cute. I really. I hope he has, like, the greatest little life ever.

22:59 Yeah. Yeah.

23:01 Bird bath water. Yes.

23:05 Yes. So thank you. Thank you. And I'll see you on Wednesday and we'll walk and talk. Okay.

23:10 Yes. Thank you so much again. Have a great day.