Kelly Cano and Carley Rickles

00:12 Hi, I'm Kelly Cano. I'm 30 years old. Today is February 13th, 2021. And this is my interview with my best friend and Carley Rickles.

00:27 End my name is Kylie Rickles. I just turned 29 and today is February 13th 2021 in Atlanta, Georgia, and I am interviewing Kelly Cano my best friends.

00:44 That have okay Carl today. I wanted to ask you some questions about your grandmother first. Well, I assume the grandmother talking about is my mom's mom and her name is Margie omen.

01:08 Can you tell me yet?

01:14 A little bit about her life, so

01:21 I guess my grandma. Yeah, this Grandma I grew up with she lives in Atlanta where I grew up and she was like the grandparents that I was closest to your areas closest to all of us in our lives. She grew up in Syracuse New York. She had kind of a, you know, like a tragic childhood that was pretty hard, but she eventually move to Atlanta and met my grandfather and they got married and they had I think she learned a lot about

02:02 How she wanted to live her life and how to have a better life as she got older and she was just like a pretty fabulous individual who is really stubborn but I think in a respectable way and she was just like really fun and she she definitely like did whatever she needed to do to take care of herself in the end that she wanted to do. You think that was because of her tragic is he said upbringing like what you know, she died she died in 2019 from the covid-19.

03:02 Put together and form a story about her like based on all the different pieces that her kids knew about her and her grandkids knew about her and it went to everything was kind of said and done. I think the conclusion we all came to was that she had this like really rough childhood that definitely formed a lot of the way that she was and I think your interest in having a really good life that was exactly how she wanted it to be because when she was so young it wasn't that way and she was you know, and she and her own way was like a Survivor and that's why she was so stubborn about the way that she was because that was her like kind of like surviving as how she wanted to be Grandma to be around like she

03:56 She definitely like had I guess sometimes at times contentious relationships with her children, but with her grandchildren, it was kind of like her second chance and she really was a lot more careful. I think with them and with us in our feelings and and being there for us and she kind of took on a different maternal role and she have to like had kids when she was really young. So anyway, yeah, I kind of forgot exactly what you just asked me. How how do you feel like she showed love as a grandmother?

04:38 I think that she

04:41 Like what do you think her love language was? Yeah, I think that she I feel like personally I felt the most loved from her when I moved back to Atlanta and we kind of formed our own like friendship and I think that they're all these different things that I felt frustrated with her about maybe in my younger life for my early early adult life that like once I kind of let those things go I was able to just like see her for who she wise and when that happened she really just kind of I don't know. She just checked in. She she showed us her love by checking in with you and making plans with you and that was like the way the end to me like that's huge because not everybody does that. Yeah, you know like not everybody. Sometimes you have to be the one to check in or you have like aunts and uncles or cousins and it's like it's just you only check in on the holidays, but it's me it meant a lot to have my grandma.

05:41 Just like check in with me regularly. It sounds like your relationship shift more when you are an adult to and you could be on the same page. Yeah, I think so. But yeah, and I think so, but you also on a sad note, but you know your grandmother passed away in the last 2 years or if not for me, even though both of my grandmothers were very lovely is Joyce Anderson passed away suddenly, but really peacefully and I remember your cuz we were living together at the time. I can't remember what we were doing. But I remember you I think we were in Athens and you and I had stayed there any

06:41 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

06:45 It was like you weren't expecting it at all. No, I wasn't expecting it and no one was because she was always a really like your grandma. She's always really social and

06:58 Her statement obviously started to decline like she she couldn't be the woman that she wanted to be any longer. She couldn't drive herself due to her probation and her body was just always sore. But but because she was social you would never know that she was always still calling and talking forever and chit-chatting with whoever she could covid-19.

07:30 But yeah, it was it was a very unexpected past because she was someone who passed because she was so full of life.

07:38 How tall is Grandma Joyce? Oh, she wasn't at all like 5:30 or something as I get older. I feel like my body looks a lot like hers. We both have narrow shoulders and big touches and I feel like when I see I see a lot of myself. Do you remember like how old you were or being conscious of one you like. Taller than her? I was sorry now, I'm 5 7 and 3/4

08:23 So I was I was telling like six great, you know, I hit puberty and shot up and that's why I don't I don't really remember being cognizant of that because she always talk to me like a baby like I was for so long I was the baby of the family and so even though I was taller than her. She always made me feel like a little girl and

08:45 Our relationship was was is really was really strong before she passed but I still always felt like like a tiny young thing missing is that is what she called me. She said she start don't you and your sister when I was little she was talking to my brother is like this and I remember specifically my brother and I like rolling our eyes. Why do you call me sissy? Like that's not what we even call each other but it was kind of because of that that I started calling myself like referring to myself and my sister has to see what she flirts with your sister to.

09:36 We have a very close family in general. But I think that there was certainly something special that she and I had like your grandmother also was very good at making contact all the time. She was always always making calls and I have I just have an endless stack of cards from every holiday, you know, not just Christmas or whatever, but she was a card center in a phone call.

10:13 Sweet it was sweet.

10:19 I wanted to ask if

10:22 If you know where your grandmother's namesake is from

10:29 I can't say that I do because she akkurat. So her name she went by Margie, but her name like is Marjorie. I think Margie is short for my GM. But yeah, I mean obviously the way when she was like by the time she was like 13. Oh, wow. And so and I don't really know she was raised by her aunt and still in New York, but then eventually and that's like part of when she moved to Atlanta when she was like a little bit older. I think the way that she always told the story was that she was dating somebody in New York and it was like a bad relationship. I don't know if it was like abusive or what but like her family that she didn't have her aunts and uncles

11:25 We're like you need to go to Atlanta to let escape this person and you can live with Uncle it's what I do know is that when she moved to Atlanta in the forties late forties or early fifties. She lived in Old fourth ward.

11:45 She's name and she went on Parkway which is still I doubt the structure is there today but I just I used to ride my bike there on that street everyday to go to work. I just thought that was really cool that I knew exactly where that was. Yeah, but yeah, so I don't know her name came from because I don't know if she knew.

12:09 Yeah, did she fell she fell in love with your grandma or Grandpa shortly after eating and she loved encouraging us today? And even though he had boyfriends up until like I started seeing my boyfriend now who she loved she would always be like you dating anybody else like she was like I didn't think we should be she is basically always encouraging us to like see who else was out. Which is pretty pretty funny and not usually the advice you get from an adult when she was working. I think I like Emery your greedy. She was like doing like cancer research really different than what she did later in life, which is be a real estate agent anyway, and so she was all what she said that she was just dating a lot of people like dating people. She had like dates for breakfast and then like,

13:09 Paul is dating one of her friends and he was like really into my grandma and until it was like one of your best friends and so he started asking my grandma out and I started seeing each other and of course her and her friend were no longer friends and and then my grandpa I think we asked you to marry him like really quickly and I don't really know like what the timeline isn't this like if it was before or after the war probably after if it was the 50th to marry him like I think after like 3 months or something and you know, I do and I think she was like 20 until she was like

13:54 No, thanks. Like I'm not really ready for that. And she says that she like wasn't she was like I didn't even know we were going steady as we got married, but I think the theory

14:11 Yeah, it wasn't quite like she saw him and he was the one she was just kind of like he was just like really persistent and they love each other into married life in and then motherhood was probably really intense for her. Oh, I mean, I'm sure that she I think she was like 19.

14:42 I bet but yeah, I think it was I think it was different. I guess from what she was doing before. I can't imagine I mean having kids.

14:53 She said she had so much life in her lifetime. You know, she

15:00 Atlanta dated around children and I think it was like 2011. So 10 years ago 10 years ago. And so and I think he was you know, what's crazy is he my Grandpa died when he was 90 and he was like really in a lot worse Health than my grandma for years like he lived in nursing home yet, like a peacemaker like he was struggling for 10 years and my grandma died at 89. Yeah, and she was like, what do you what can you tribute to her being so vivacious at 89 still? I think it was like

16:00 Active in like being stubborn about her independence in her mind and yeah, you know, I think that like it's sad that she didn't necessarily have like the best relationship children, but I think that like she definitely preserved herself in that for better for worse. I don't know.

16:23 I can only hope that we can all be everything we want to be but I'm sure that it was probably a frustrating characteristic to be her child may be but a really empowering one like as a young woman TLC.

16:39 A woman of her age like really like living exactly how she wanted friends knew her it was crazy when she died and like all of the different people people who are close friends. Also just people I barely knew who knew her because she was out like she was before his and she was just like doing her thing. Yeah, I think like, you know, cuz it's been so hard because we just haven't really been able to like mourn the death at all. We don't know yet. We don't know what's Traditions yet. Lots of memories for sure though favorite special memories.

17:39 Yeah, I do. I do if there's two that come to mines one is like she was one of those people in her not liking her Grande Grande. Grandparent adult life that like she after a certain point decided she wasn't going to cook anymore. And so she liked me and I went out to eat for every meal. But anytime you could get her to cook. It was really good. But anyway one night I went over it when I moved back to Atlanta, which is like I guess at this point three and a half years ago. We would go out to eat a lot and then there was like this one night where I brought some food to her house, which was at the Saban Towers, which is like just kind of like a apartment for older folks not like a retirement center or anything like that. But anyway, and so she had like her own independent living and I never been over there and so I brought some food over and it was like, I stayed over there pretty late. We like drink some wine and

18:39 Transition point for our relationship where we just like talked about all this kind of like personal stuff about like getting older and about like

18:50 Her relationship with my mom and you know my relationship with my mom and we just kind of like bonded over memories and experiences and I feel like after that I was able to like whatever ideas I had about her that weren't good. I was able to like to see her as a human and like, you know, just kind of be understanding and I felt like she

19:14 It was just really cool. It felt like really like we were connecting and like I could talk to her about things and how do you think she felt about not getting older?

19:27 I think at first she was like really against it because she didn't want to admit how old she was but then when she realized that like Shiki Ollie's Discount suntan. Like she was like tapping into that and she could use that she was definitely really into like what's it called like the agent like age harassment or like what people were like if you feel like I can't remember the word she would but she likes she likes she was kind of a person who felt like the victim a lot. And so if she could ever say that somebody was feeding her right because it was like against her age. She like she like to use that kind of, you know better about the situation and take a little power back.

20:15 But yeah, there was like one under I'm going to share this other memory. I know you kind of like jump around but it's pretty funny. But yeah, there is a time where we went. She likes the swan coach house and she afterwards we were going to go to to Johnny's Hideaway and I never been there before and she was like, oh, yeah so far I have to go dancing there and it's like in Buckhead what you know, we live in like Central and the City of like in the middle of Atlanta near downtown and she would like to go out more in Buckhead. And so anyway like me and her in like a couple of my friends all went there together and we just like stayed up really late and like dancing the dance floor and like drink and eat and like all these people were there that we're kind of like

21:03 Keep me like peripheral people that like an art scene that I had only met and I don't know. It's just like in the NIT was like my grandma and it was just like really sweet and special know what was her.

21:26 But yeah.

21:30 Do you remember when she came over to the house for my birthday? Definitely and

21:37 And she liked it didn't know it was my birthday and I told her and she was like, I think we had asked her about something about it being your birthday. And I forgot her birthday was saying she's mad at me and then she was like wait a second. When's your birthday and I was like, that's why you were here and she was like, oh no, she's embarrassed.

22:14 I remember that but yeah, I think so. We just moved out of this house together that we used to live in his Kelly and I we met in

22:27 Denver and so I was wondering if so now you're in your house and he's been there for like one month is not long, but I was wondering if you had any tasks for like any kind of like Reflections on certain things that you feel like will remind you of the time that we live in the house are certain things that you feel like you gained like characteristics are habits from living together.

22:57 I think that they are I feel like I have a lot of memorabilia that has a comment in a lot of that is because of your ceramic like I feel like there's always hope there's like in every room a little part of you that has carried over and I think that's a little inevitable living together for 2 years and being friends. So there's there's certainly remnants of you in our relationship all over the place. That's really sweet.

23:34 Things that I carried over from the old house I

23:45 I guess it feels more like their habits or things that I do that I I miss you not being there for their like making coffee in the morning. And yesterday I was I was eating eggs, and I just thought of us eating breakfast together and sitting out on the front porch and

24:11 It was just me so loud. And you could have been there. Yeah. Yeah, that was just playing like a nice part about living together. It's just that like there was kind of always somebody that was like really easy to tap until a friend Time Station time and

24:38 Anyway, just like having you guys around what's really warm feeling. I feel like it was really helpful for me to kind of like come out of the funk in my life. Are you finding it? Are you finding yourself now? Even though it has only been a month. Are you?

25:00 Experiencing a difficult time with Solitude or or loneliness, but I just I actually just been like really enjoying being alone.

25:21 But I do feel like it was like when I first moved like the first couple weeks, I just like didn't really feel like cooking and like everything I made like wasn't very good. I was just really distracted. I kept burning like definitely made me like, I don't know. I was like did I know how to like, of course? I did always cook and know how to cook for myself. I like had this thought all the sudden it was like did I like only you learn how to cook stuff? Like when I Live with Kelly are I was like dude, like what parts of that like cuz you never really liked know that influences for sure. But I think over time you'll understand how people influenced you but I was like trying to remember like when my different like have it started and I was like did I imagine that like a fair amount of my like kind of like

26:08 Kitchen knowledge or like confidence probably was like developed when we live together.

26:20 I'd I never I don't think that we have a codependent friendship you in any way but I keep finding myself in these scenarios where I'm like wanting to reach out to you for advice or validation and it's totally like an unnecessary. So it was really great. I mean I will say that I feel like now coming together feels more special and I really enjoy that special something and I feel like it's been nice just to like number things are ever like bad when we live together, but it's like it's just really nice to like

27:16 See each other because you like know that you're both like trying to see each other wasn't as much of a factor because it was just that we'd see each other all the time. So it's been like really sweet. I feel like almost like feeling like we're not making I don't know what it like just like their relationship has changed changed because of that a little bit like exciting in new relationship feels mature. You just seems like y'all are settling in really sweetly in your new home and we are now that you and Colin are living together.

28:11 Has there been any open?

28:14 Any open conversation about the future and like what like when we moved into our place together lately and I suddenly we were instantly talking about buying coming next you feel like you move in with Colin and immediately looking towards the future. I think it's been really really really sweet and we definitely like tot he owns his house. So that's like a little bit different like I wouldn't you know, we don't necessarily

28:50 I'll be thinking about buying a house, but we it's been really fun. We definitely like to talk about stuff to do to the house all the time. I like what if you reorganized, you know, I can see now that we live together and I've kind of showed him some like weights and not putting any Preston place is he looking for your validation or approval? I think both of us have a similar kind of stubborn Independence stubbornness where we like want to just maybe we wanted to admit that but

29:35 I think and I think we also both want to prove that I can still do whatever we want. I think we like to share things like a funny divided up situation or he has like a room and I have a room and then we have like shared rooms. So if we get a lot of space to just like I said, we both feel like we need to be able to do whatever we want. But I definitely feel like it's been really funny because I feel like I get a lot of you know, I'm a I'm a designer like an architect to space. And so I think that like I get a lot of ideas and things you could do all the time and like I'm just always going to have any ideas and sometimes he like takes them to literally and like the things that I'm expecting him to do them. So really silly, but he definitely wants to do things.

30:27 For me and then he'll be nervous that I'll be upset that he didn't do things like because technically he owns the house. Do you feel any restraint because of that or did I?

30:54 I feel pretty comfortable. I think that I definitely want to like he's made me feel like I can pretty much do whatever I want and terms is like painting and like setting things up, but I know that like if he has kind of he builds a lot of stuff and so I know that like, I don't want to like you no mess with anything he's felt but

31:18 Yeah, I feel pretty good. I feel pretty good about it. We got a lot of talks about like making sure things are kind of shared. If you could move anywhere next month. Where would you miss? I don't think we would be happy and trips to a lot of places. Where would you move? Where would you buy a house next to us forced to move next month if our options were Unlimited.

32:00 I don't I bet that he wouldn't want us to move to the desert. Yeah, I think that we we both do a good amount of daydreaming about the places that we could live and actually one of my favorite Parts about our relationship is that both of us are very open to change and I think the way that we move forward is by accepting that the next step we take never has to be permanent and I want a lot of life and

32:40 Don't want to say that any one place is ever going to be forever. Like we would just like to many different things, but I thought we would live in the desert if we were going to move just saying makes me a little sad cuz I don't really want to live in the desert we would do till I get out of our system and then I could and then we can move somewhere else. If I don't ask you some questions about the time OK do it. So, you know, I think like we've been really good friends now for maybe like 5 years. Yeah, so it's definitely our Post 25 year old friendship. Maybe it's me. I was 2423. Anyway, whatever all I was getting at was I was wondering if you could share it coming.

33:40 Earliest memories from our friendship. Okay. I know that we don't share the very first memory of meeting each other. But the first time I was really cognizant of you there were two things that come to mind and I saw you in a restaurant with one of my guy friend at a time with Trevor.

34:08 I ate just remember you sitting at the table and I

34:15 You were just like kind of this mystery to me. Like where did this girl come from? Who is she she's so beautiful and I was just like really a blown away and had one of those moments of like being nervous to talk to you and it's like feeling really awkward at the table like not really knowing who you are or what was going on. And when I first started seeing what he is there's a picture of you on his Instagram and I was just like this girl, who is she here She is again like we are if it hasn't she hasn't come into my life yet.

34:56 But but I feel like Ben you did after after so many times. I was saying that we were going to be friends. I don't like I remember like running into each other and always being like that like having like a really nice like once we didn't start knowing who each other with genuine and cool interactions. I remember we like I finally I asked you for your phone number. I got it from like a friend a while until I can actually hang out but we communicated so well, I didn't wasn't worried. I distinctly remember you being like the first female relationship that I was like I'm going to be as upfront as I can with this person because I truly want her friendship and somehow I'm not available to give it yet, but I will need it to be known that I am in it and

35:56 Find myself before leaving before relationships were like from the past. But yeah, I remember they were like two times. I maybe it was like the first two times we hung out but it was like in two different houses because you moved like pretty quickly after we met there with you on the porch of your house in Denver in 5 Points and then sitting with you on your ear in an attic apartment. We saw them like fire escape and Baker and both times just like really we just like that right to the shit. Yeah. I think that one of my favorite things to talk about his emotions and and at that time we were both just like really going through through a lot of that and so to just invite you and over and be able to like be vulnerable and

36:56 Is the key to my heart and you were in for it I was down but it was married and I was like at your wedding and so it's like I don't know like I don't know. Anyway, it was there was just like a couple of really big things that we were there for each other for.

37:32 We made it known that it was going to be a long friendship right away.

37:41 I love you to Carly.