Bernadette Wilson and Vanessa Lindley

00:01 My name is Bernadette Wilson. My age is 53 today. My birthday is 1111 57 today's date is April 29th. 2011 a new location is Memorial Sloan-Kettering New York and my relationship is the mother of Vanessa.

00:25 I am Vanessa Antoinette Lindley. I am 38 today's date is April 29th, 2011 and we are at Memorial Sloan-Kettering in New York and my relationship to my partner is daughter to Bernadette Wilson.

00:45 Okay, so hi Mommy. Hi daughter. How you feeling today? Pretty good. I have some great questions for us start with weird. When and where were you born? Well, I was born in the Bronx New York again, November 11th 1957 in

01:17 I forgot the hospital cuz it's no longer that I think it's for them hospital and it's no longer there, but that's where I was born.

01:25 Well, I grew up in Brooklyn mostly.

01:29 And who your favorite relative growing up? I will I'm a family person so I kind of loved everybody was so and we were very close family. So my first cousins and second cousins, would you get in trouble with my brothers and sisters all the time? He had a troubled past but he was the oldest and it was my sister tiny myself. My sister Cheryl who's born the same day as I am a year apart have a brother Ronnie and Terrence and when it came to getting in trouble, I'll see you all stick together lots of times myself and my two sisters kind of like led the pack of trouble making

02:22 Tell tell tell me about Grandma your mother when you guys were getting in trouble tell us about her. She would like she was going over weight. So she would like try to chase us and we would run as this one particular time. We will all in trouble. I think we played hooky from school and we would like the run of the bed cuz she was coming after us just one time. She was so angry. She picked up my brother. My older brother was there and told us to she would get the broom and try to get us from under the bed. So my older brother told us to pull ourselves up on the spring that she couldn't get it. So she was so angry. She picked up the bread and bed and turned it over. You should have seen our faces that was some experience and then we all scattered like little all over the place. We were running and get this also said she'd wait till we go to sleep. Thank you, Dennis and general overall. She was very kind and shoes.

03:22 Family-orientated she could back basically kept the family together always taking care of everybody in the family. You know, my first cousins us and my second cousin grandchildren. So she was always a caretaker. What was her name is Laura Lee Wilson and where was she from she was born in Jacksonville, Florida raised in Asbury Park and East Orange, New Jersey, then she came to Manhattan New York where she met my dad. Tell us about Grandpa Grandpa, but we all loved him both of us.

04:04 And we all loved him and he wasn't very supportive of mom, but he liked to gamble which was one of his downfalls. But he was our dad. What do you say?

04:16 And just goes back to your childhood. What about nicknames? I know he had a nickname for you where he had a nickname for everybody. My nickname was missing lady. And why did he give you that nickname, I guess because

04:30 I kind of took charge of a lot of stuff in the family still and today and still do I'm just so, you know, take charge running things. So I was miss lady. Did you have any other nicknames from anyone else? My brother's ass to call me bunny?

04:48 Why they call you bunny? Cuz I have a thief.

04:55 Special ed private family is burright absolutely to find out who was your first love.

05:06 My First Love was actually your dad 12 years old in grade school used to carry my books or matter fact and my mother used to chase him with a back off the porch didn't work because you're still here and your sisters be River your first kiss.

05:36 Not really.

05:40 So tell us about well, you said I'm still here so you became apparent and so when did you become a parent?

05:48 Very young at the age of 14.

05:52 So it was likely experience. But how did you feel when you first found out you were pregnant scared very frightened very frightened cuz I was young and I had plans to do a lot of things in my life, which I don't have no any regrets because I still accomplish the biggest thing there is and that's being a parent and that's the hardest job that anyone could ever have

06:18 And so being a parent. I mean, how many toes do you have? I have three children now and they are Vanessa Soma and Henry and how old are they? 38-34 and 13 + 4. You said you don't regret being a parent. Thank God cuz I'm here. What are the dreams you have for us all to be all you can be whatever you decide I support.

06:50 And do you remember us as babies?

06:55 Like the types of songs to sing to us.

06:57 Well, I used to like R&B. So I would say, you know, but nursery songs my mother made up a song and it went like this mommy and daddy office.

07:12 Didn't leave the Milky for my baby. I'm a little emotional my mother always saying it's on to all the babies and we sang them to our babies and even the babies now sing them so

07:25 What a dollar made up. So what are the lessons did you learn from your mother about motherhood and pole my goodness everything because I was a young mother. So I learned everything before I had children though. I took care of my cousin Bridget who I was 11 and she was about six weeks old. She's actually my second cousin her mother's my first but she was a lot older than us as my mother sister had children before my mom and I learned asked you for taking care of babies from that experience, but I wasn't her parents over a little different when I became apparent, but my mother was there to support myself and my two sisters who also got pregnant and it's a me at we all three months apart in the age category that we were born.

08:11 So it's like a little Nursery in the house, but it was cool. We had a lot of fun and learned a lot from Mom. You know how to do diapers real diapers and I Pampers at that time make formula, you know potty trained. You name it Mom tortoise.

08:29 So what advice you want to give me about raising my own kids now that I'm finally a mother just love them support them.

08:39 What you doing potty train them a little bit earlier than that.

08:44 You know listen to your mother is they're very smart and it's always traveling ever. There's no book on parenting.

09:02 But if you love your children

09:05 And they'll tell you that needs by the actions and how they grow and just support them and love them. You know, I'm a strong person about education, you know, make sure they learn the things they need to know to take care of themselves. And that's basically it.

09:25 Okay, so what would you say was the happiest moment of your life?

09:34 Starting from childhood

09:37 Well when I was a little girl I stay with my godparents Emma Jefferson and Archie Jefferson, and they used to play in Christmases. And I really believed it was a Santa Claus. They did a great job. So at that point I thought that was the happiest Time of My Life as a child as of now at this stage. I'm a Jehovah's Witness and I know that Jesus wasn't born at Christmas and it was a society made up holiday, but one that is shared and it has his it has its good and bad points, but that was a child. That was my happiest time.

10:17 And as an adult, I think when I have my first child.

10:22 And I saw it and she looked at me and that was became I knew I was really a mother and had to pee really responsible. So you pass all the tradition of Christmas is Ken Selzer by happiest childhood memories as well. I believe and I was just nosy child and I believe the Christmas for a long time. So I did a good job picking me. I think I was about 20 some years old before I realized I will always wonder how did you get the how did they get the gift in the house? And I was always and they told me that we remember when your godfather take you out to ride your bike. I take it we would they would have them delivered at that time and hide them in the closet. So I never saw how they got there. When I woke up Christmas morning. They were there and I was 20 some years old before I found out that little drink and so how did you trick us?

11:22 You do with the gifts. We didn't know where they were. Sometimes. I would hide them in the closet. But if they were bigger guess I put them in someone else's house. Just so you know, but you took this for a long time. I believe this matter cuz I said you come to the window and the fires game only comes into the park. So I'll tell tell us about some of your most important life lessons that you've learned in your life over all well. I had a bad experience in my life. I chose to use drugs which was a very bad experience, but I recovered from that and that was awesome. That was awesome. I found God

12:16 And living my Bible principles is the best choice anyone could ever make the Bible is written to protect us and it does and even now that I'm a terminally ill cancer patient my face and the Bible principles still carry me on strong each and every day.

12:36 I love Mike. I'm a grandmother and I love each and every one of my grandchildren and as such a blessing I waited so long to be a grandmother because my daughters will career with this is just fine. And when they when I finally had my first grandchild I was I think that was as an adult. I was one of the most exciting times and I actually got to see a child being born when you're on your debt that you know giving birth is different than when you have to the experience someone else giving birth and I saw my grandson being born. Who is your grandson. His name is Jaylen McRae and it was so awesome.

13:17 Oh, that was some experience there whose whose son is Jerry Lee Summers is my little sister and I must tell you that when someone asked me of all the things I've accomplished they asked me what I want to do, you know, what will be a great accomplishment for me and I feel the same way to be a grandmother is I don't know why maybe because of grandma having a you know, my grandma this awesome experience that I hope that have one day someone make sure my daughter is getting married soon.

13:52 Can you meet this young man? I hate going to like me.

13:58 So I kind of like just waited patiently. So even though I am I going to be a grandma 2 years you have for yes, three more grandchildren and one on the way you are diagnosed with cancer.

14:40 How'd you feel when you first found out I was devastated. I felt like the floor had dropped from under me.

14:49 I was afraid and the first people that I came to mind was my son whose 13 Now What's his name Henry and my grandson Jalen who's spent majority of his life. Also me take that, you know being a helping it take care of him helping my daughter with him because I'm like, oh my goodness where they going to do without me. That was my thought but then the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said I did you Jehovah takes care of all of us. And in that voice I heard he will take care of them. Like he's taking care of me and everyone else on this Earth so they don't have anything to worry about. I trust in God and he'll be they'll be just fine if anything is to ever happen to me.

15:37 Do you ever think about dying? Yes, of course, I downgrade or well, I have a I have a Earthly hope.

15:47 Which what the day will this this world is not going to be destroyed. It will be in God's time turned into a paradise and if you

15:57 You know Larry to buy Jehovah and Jesus and follow the Bible principles the best of your ability that you might be a part of that. So that's my hope that I that I please Jehovah enough to be a part of that paradise honors. So if or if not, this is a this is a part of life dying is a part of life and I accept that. So the time that I do have left living I'd make the best of it.

16:24 Food make you look at life differently. Absolutely. Absolutely because people go along living everyday like they have forever to live but in reality they don't so they should make Every Day Count making sure they tell their loved ones that they love them spending as much time as possible. Hopefully having a job like myself that they love to do each and every day to go to work, you know, what a smile on your face doing what they love to do. And again just living life to the fullest and not ever forsaking to put God first and all things.

17:07 So what you said doing what you love to do? What is it? What is that you doing? Well, I work for the New York City Parks and Recreation and I'm up I consider myself a public servant now the word servant to some people might be degrading but I feel as accomplishment because what I do for the public is provider service that they could use for free and bring joy to them. I work at the parks by beautify the Green Street. I work in New York City Pools making sure that they clean sanitary and fun for all ages.

17:45 When that job really took meaning to me was many years ago when I was see you say that's a seasonal person work in cleaning the pool and I got on the bus and a little girl around six years old. Tell her mom. Mommy. Mommy, that's the lady at the pool that makes the bathroom smell good to me. That's why yes. Yes that job took a different meaning that does service that I provide in from that point on now, I supervise the pools and now I make sure that my staff understand that this is an important job no matter at what level cuz we serve the public and the service we provide it's a like a life-giving thing and it's for free. So I love doing it. I love I'm a people person. I love making them happy. I like cooking for people and when you hear the children playing and laughing, you know, they're not in getting in any trouble and not using any drugs.

18:45 In any type of violence act they just having fun cuz nobody hurting them and they're not hurting anybody is just bring so much joy to my heart. So this is this is what I do and I enjoy it. Did you think about what you want to be when you were a kid? Oh, yes. I want to be a teacher. You are absolutely I don't work for New York City Department of Education, but I do feel too. Well now as as a Jehovah Witness, I I teach I try to stop Bible studies to teach, you know people about God's purpose in his kingdom.

19:31 But as a human being I teach people to love one another to from my experiences to make better choices in life.

19:41 You know at 12 course I did at the parks department. I teach people I train people how to do their jobs to their best ability. And that's what I do.

19:54 And my daughters had a potty trained this to next this is April's and May 13th, and we're going to have its own records at all. My God, Maddie is not potty trained at 2. What are we going to do? Nothing? She'll be fine. She works with me and who's your other grandchild Kennedy My Little Princess by the time she's one and a half that she want to tell me about raising children. I think you're very brave and courageous you breast fed, both your children, which I didn't breastfeed at all out of chicken.

20:54 It's all good. We're still healthy. Yes. So what do you want your legacy to be?

21:03 I haven't really thought about it.

21:05 I just so you know, everybody will have probably a different opinion of me or

21:11 Thought so.

21:13 Halo

21:15 I don't know whatever not really think when you when you leave your life and do what you do it. You know, I know that you helped a lot of people in our family outside our family. I mean, what is your motivation for doing it? That would be what your legacy would be. I mean you already said people love for people a genuine Love From the Heart for people to know that if someone comes up to you and needs that help and you're able to provide it is a privilege and to do it without even thinking about just do it and sometimes people come and

21:57 The way they come is some people perceive it as them using you but I don't receive it that way because I'm not giving you no with not no knowledge of that. I'm giving because I can and because I love that individual and they're not using me they might you be using my resources, but they left that's fine. That's fine then bed. That's disorder, but that's not where it's not the reason that I let you know, I'm aware of it. I'm not you know, I'm not going to have any knowledge of it. Yeah. I'm not, you know ignorant to the fact of their motives. So I kind of find it funny sometimes because you do have those people that do that and I think it's cute that

22:46 That they think they getting away with something, but actually they're not so your legacy would be to you going to want to be remembered as someone who is giving and caring and loving.

23:02 And so that guess that would be anything else that you would want your and controlled and I dead telling people the right things to do that. Anyway, be a granddaughter Madison. Yeah. She does look like she acts like a grandmother.

23:33 So speaking of your grandchild, do you have a vision for them?

23:38 I just want them to grow up and be happy and this wicked system. We live in that's my main concern and I'm also you know, I pray with my grandson now and you're doing a great job taking even though we have different belief. You're you're a Christian and I'm a baptized Jehovah Witness, but we have the same common ground is that we love God and you're raising your children in the church and just moving in that direction is an awesome thing. So I know they'll be fine.

24:10 I'll be fine. And what about your unborn grandchild? I just can't wait to see you again. So I won't have that privilege. You know, that's okay. I got guys. I've already been then you can't take that away from me. So that's awesome. You and I had kids after anything that you never told me that you wanted to tell me.

24:42 I know, you know, I'm a very outspoken person as well sometime. You even have to tell me my to get some things. You just didn't shake it out. I was dead, but I'm an honest person and I think you should share your feelings with your loved ones. Especially the ones closest to you should hold anything back even if you know, you don't want to hurt anybody. So you pray and find the right words used or sometimes not say nothing, but you should never ever hold things back from your loved ones that you need to share with them. That's important. No matter what it is because we need to know the things that affect us, you know.

25:22 We need to know whether it be good or bad. We need to know.

25:26 So we can have a better relationship, but it'd be mother daughter sister brother sister sister doesn't matter. You know, you need to have that you know that open.

25:39 Relationship where

25:43 Okay, so

25:47 Eyeglass World another question, I would say what do you think it what is your earliest memory?

25:55 I was out with waking up. I was at must have been about 5 years old just waking up in my grandma. My godparents is ruined my mother lived in a rooming house at that time in the Bronx waking up in their room. That's my earliest memory as a little girl.

26:13 Wake me up in their room. I have my own bed and do things and just waking up and being here in the world. Cuz I was about five years old my mother like she was having babies when she started late but she's not having babies one right behind the other and my godparents. Yes befriended my mom helping her care for these children and they couldn't never had children of their own. So they asked Mom my mother could I stay with them? They chose me and I stayed with them and when I came of age to go to Schoo, they asked me they said where do you want to go to school with your sisters and brothers. Are you want to stay here? Of course? I said my sisters and brothers because we still had a relationship mom would bring them over to see me all the time. So after they moved from this room in house and move to Brooklyn that was in the Bronx and they moved to Brooklyn.

27:08 And of course I said I wanted to you know grow up from that point on with my brothers and sisters. So I went to the back to live with my mom. And what was your relationship with your mother?

27:20 How was it? I love my mother.

27:23 Did you do anything? I know she had a lot of children, but did you do anything together? That was just you and her the I have any special connections. That was just seeing you all she's got she would like of course my godparents were able to provide things for me because it was only me that she wasn't able to do because it was six of us financially financially. So my mom would really try to keep up that for me and you know share with the other children to and and still sharing with us what she did and I remember one time she was buying me and my sister bicycle this year and we were on our way to pick it up. I'll take it out and we were stopped in White Castles.

28:09 And she forgot her purse in the van at the bikes were already paid for it. But she forgot her purse in the bathroom. Of course when we came back on money was gone. So I tomorrow you could you know, take the money up the bikes. You just know she still got the bikes for us. So that's the kind of mom. She was she was just you know, she would just do anything to care for her children and I just, you know, awesome and I know I gave her a hard time, but before she passed on I'll let her know that I was sorry.

28:41 The dude sorry for doing all the things that I did to probably drove her crazy to death and all those things, but we had a good relationship.

28:54 We had a good relationship. Do you ever think about back to your legacy and thinking about dying and being diagnosed with a terminal illness? He said she said what you got to say to your mother before she died. Do you ever think about your time that you may have left and what you want to do with that time? Oh, absolutely. I want to spend as much time as I can basically my immediate family. You know, I have my coworkers are there and they're very supportive and the agency I work there as well, my spiritual brothers and sisters, you know spend time with them, but basically with my immediate family I would like in the course of definitely my grandchildren they bring me so much. Joy, I want to spend as much quality time with them.

29:43 As possible

29:46 And is there anything that you like all I want to do? You know that I didn't get a chance to do before now like about it. I would like to go to a tropical beach and swimming beautiful blue water.

30:00 I got work at the city pools and I make that water beautifully blue me and my staff. So I would have said I was a natural stuff that I made. Yes, I have yet. I do have to say, you know, I'm not bragging on myself, but I take pride in my work because if that water is not a quality, it will make people sick and I can't do that. You're not a part of your legacy making sure that things are right and things are safe. Right? So some classic family stories or jokes that you remember.

30:42 Song let me sing the song my grandma things that we still sync to rhoc. I remember that was really funny to me not funny for my mother, but you know my sister my oldest. Is there my younger sister where are they? They was having a little dispute and my youngest sister told my mother that my older sister was pregnant and I was in an argument but I'm sitting on my Mother's Day jumping up and down laughing cuz they had this argument and my mother turned to me and said, I don't know what you laughing at Wadala many keys are in your neck.

31:18 So, of course, I didn't know I was rather live with them cuz my youngest sister didn't know she was pregnant. I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant but my older sister knew she was pregnant and we knew so we all had offers daughters 3 months apart in the same year and age category my older sister first few seconds and my younger sister.

31:43 And what did Grandma say about that? She didn't say much. She was a woman that she's she just bring it with handle it but my heart did say least they all stick together.

31:57 That was my Aunt Marie who I love very dearly one of my favorite. That's where I learned to be down to earth, you know, not a phony.

32:14 Favorite memories with Aunt mert

32:19 This is one of those and just go with the house and eating we should make good food and and her friend just being her as she does her as a person her personality is very pleasant and fun.

32:36 Any other favorite relatives? Well, I love everybody I moved in my uncle Ulysse and you know, she did spend a lot of time with us, but I remember her every time she came around. She was always nice to us, you know, and I had on eating she I loved her no question about love my lady, but I didn't like the way she would be little my mother so I my mother's my heart.

33:10 So what are you most proud of in your life my children and my grandchildren? Oh my goodness, Lindley.

33:23 Summer or early Wilson who is named after some Charlie Wilson my mother Henry Reginald McCoy who's named after his father? Who's not for nothing Summers father?

33:36 And I'm also proud of my grandchildren to my grandson. Jalen is kindergarten. Oh, but he's in first grade know. He's in first grade in the second grade, but he's really smart and I'm very proud of him and Madison.

33:52 That is my granddaughter Vanessa's daughter as she something else as I can see me in her. Very smart. What do you see if very bossy? Okay, go. Do you have to have to I want to know way and I have Kennedy was very sweet and laid back like a mom.

34:28 All right.

34:30 Well, I think that's all my question. Do you have anything else that you want to say? I want to say I'm very well, you know, I'm proud of you and a great job you're doing with your family and I just want to make sure you and my son-in-law continue to follow your heart and your goals.

34:49 Why thank you just so you know that all the things that you want to leave and pass on are definitely the things that I do you you have taught me how to be a good mother.

35:03 Stress and education and teaching me to pray and that's how I teach my children to pray eating healthy manners being mannerable follow instructions to follow instructions being outspoken, even though I may not be as outspoken as I have the filter things that I don't have time for filtering. We got to get it out there.

35:35 Just so you know that you you continue to build a tremendous Legacy and

35:45 I am very happy that you are my mother and you've been a great mother a great friend mentor and guide and as I was asking the questions about parenting and motherhood you had already told me what you think is right, you know, no matter what and you will be remembered that way and appreciate it for it. Cuz everybody on the flip side won't do it cuz they're not brave enough. So you do show bravery as well as love and compassion and I know that's where I get it from. I know someone gets it that way and even Henry some time but I will get it in your grandchildren. Obviously, we'll get it passed on and you see that already in there. So, you know, your legacy will be continued.

36:42 And I was going to tell you how much I love you and I am very proud of you being diagnosed with a terminal illness.

36:51 The courage that you continue to have the passion to live and the desire to still be here knowing that we have a guy that will take care of us, but knowing your role in life to be a caretaker for us.

37:07 Is tremendous so all of those that is your legacy and you if you left and you are leaving a great when you continue to leave it in your your will and desire to live is is going to keep you here long time to tell a divorce.

37:30 Thank you daughter. Thank you, Mommy.