Lydia Weiss and Kyle Holsinger-Johnson

00:00 Start on airplane mode my phones way out there and on you.

00:08 Just teasing me to cards. So who wants to go first? Okay, so I'll go first and then went got somebody to go and then once you're done they were adorable.

00:31 All right. Hey, I am Kyle holsinger-johnson. I am 36 years old is March 12th 2020. I'm in Lansing Michigan and I am talking to you my lovely sweetheart. Who is my spouse Lydia Weiss?

00:44 Hey, I'm Lydia Weiss. I'm 33 years old. Today is March 12th, 2020 in Lansing, Michigan, and I'm talking to my wonderful spouse Kyle holsinger-johnson.

00:57 So I have a million questions for Kyle and Kyle has a really interesting life and I want lots of other people to know about it. Like thank you. So I want to start by you telling me what you were like as a child. So I feel like it's I was just like this very interesting adorable kid, but I think there's like a few things that can like some that up with a couple stories. So my favorite story of me is like a young person and so I was like very athletic I had was very Swedish looking. You know, I had bright blond hair that was in a bowl cut, but apparently my mom was an artist and my dad was a like a business person type saying and so we would go to like art conventions a lot and like I don't know what you do all sorts of those kind of things.

01:57 And like folk art shows and so it one has probably like 7, you know, so like not that old not that young and there's this woman doing all these textiles and like scarves and hats and things and I was like very into sort of how things felt and how things looked like I was very receptive to a lot of like sensory stuff and I guess I really liked her work and they were talking about it and she's like, oh do you like this, you know purple scarf like talking showing it being I go. Well, actually that's mauve I feel like that sums up a little bit about my childhood. I want to Montessori School growing up in the east coast in the suburb of Delaware, which was great and like amazing an amazing experience.

02:56 And when we were there, I my mom just like once I started to be able to put clothes on my body would let me dress myself. So I had a very sort of expressive childhood with my clothing and my mom like really didn't like it when strangers what address her. But like talking about me or like asking questions about me and my mom will just tell strangers like well, you can ask her which I think full and great and so I wore my shoes on the wrong side of my feet for a long time and we were at the grocery store and you know, someone was like, you know, your kid has their shoes on the wrong feet and my mom's like while you're just going to have to ask her about it and then I had a phase where like I went to Montessori School in a leotard and ribbons, you know the leotard and then I said the ribbons and I'm like showing you what I'm doing like you can see me which doesn't make any sense cuz it's radio.

03:56 I just wear ribbons up and down my arms so I had a very like

04:02 Creative and expressive childhood and I also had a very like athletic childhood and when your athletic and your name is Kyle and you have a bowl cut. There's also like a lot of things that happen with gender when you're growing up until like gender has always been very

04:21 I don't know how you want how I like sort of like the idea of gender and who is supposed to look like what and how you're supposed to be? No perform your gender or your sex has always been like really

04:36 Sort of made understood to me at a very young age cuz nobody understood if I was a boy or a girl from the very beginning and like it it ended up just like working for me in my adult life and my parents were to need me Kyle no matter what my sex and they didn't know my sex until I like I really really appreciate that just because of you know, who I am now and how I understand my gender and sex and just how I understand this concept in general. So that was very special.

05:09 But yeah, I also grew up as a gymnast which is had a very intense made a very intense imprint on my life and I caught my first career and I did that from the age of 3 to 13 and I was at the Olympic level when I left the sport just because I I wanted to have a little bit more of a life entered of how adults treated young young people and in the sport and kids and parents. The kids and I really like the word kids cuz I think it's patronizing a younger people like a really really informative of how I never wanted to be when I got older. I think the pressure of being a really high level gymnast is something that like

05:58 8 to 13 year olds like shouldn't necessarily be exposed to and that's something that like sets with me for the rest of my life and then I think about and trying to process and talk to my therapist about

06:12 All in all I had a very fascinating childhood with a huge mixture of arts and culture and sports which doesn't really, you know, he's be like at High School versus tropes of like the Athletic kids and you know, the theater kids and I kind of grew up like straddling both of those identities switch was there really a theater kid, but I loved art and music and culture and dance and sell and my parents cuz I was the only kid they expose me to all sorts of food and shelter is an Arts in New York and Philadelphia and DC and Boston. So I got exposed to a lot of things that I don't think a lot of young people at my age is did which I think is a very beautiful thing.

06:59 So one of the my favorite things about you and the way that you grew up is I think your parents really fostered your Independence and your ability to use your invoice and explore whatever you wanted to and really supported you through even when you decided to quit gymnastics or leave gymnastics. I should say they're like, okay sounds good. So, how do you think that's impacted your life today?

07:24 So I mean, yeah, I think I like how you shifted the word for my quit to leave. Like I think that's really not helpful thing. We do to young people the concept of like quitting leaving changing your interest, you know, changing what you'd like to be doing. That's a helpful like reframing

07:45 What was the question how that kind of Independence and fostering your Independence in your own interest affected you today as an adult's? Yeah, I had adults are the worst to their the worst. We haven't we had our yeah, you know, I don't really consider myself an adult. I hope to never do that. We pretend like we have all these answers and we just don't we like our hot effing mess and none of our shift is together and I think the fact that we try to pretend that we know the answers and know what's going on and try to let you know.

08:24 Bothers me a lot. Okay. So I think it was super super helpful in many respects. However, I feel like the fact that they fostered Vines Independence Day fostered my boys. They fostered me like having an opinion and like understanding what that is. I think was is super beneficial and helpful and fantastic what I think they didn't do a good job helping me with is like sometimes talking through

08:54 Some of my decisions and like I think they like just the idea of like problem solving and like talking through in like dialoguing about things. I think could have been a little more helpful, but those things I learned in later life, but the fact that they let me sort of have my own identity from the get-go and have my own opinions and the day like believed me and believed in my own opinions and Independence. I think it's a very special experience that not as many not many young people get to experience and I I think of that aspect was very important and there are things that they could have done a lot better at however

09:34 This point this part of the coin is is really great. It gives me like a very strong sense of self.

09:42 I want to switch gears a little bit and maybe I'll talk about me and the section. When did you first fall in love the first time I fell in love with an High School many people. I think that wasn't me that was not Lydia know it was not but I mean, I think it's really important to have loves that like don't work out or have other loves. I'm really glad that you were not my love. I'm really glad you are not my love from college and early twenties when I was a hot mess like we wouldn't have we wouldn't be sitting here today. And so my first love was in high school and it's interesting and it was senior year and I understood that like that's when I was like, oh,

10:27 Oh, like I mean, I always thought like kissing and dudes and stuff was like just boring. Like I'm like, this is fine. Like I mean, I guess this is what it is, you know, and then you like play spin the bottle with your high school friends that happen to be female and you're like, this is what it supposed to feel like so that we got her moment in like that capacity. And so I had my first love and we dated and we are and it's you know, young High School Love & crazy stories, her mom literate likely I would hide at her I move into her house at one point cuz I hated my parents and say a lot of things happened, you know between 13-18 that sort of changed my opinion of my both my parents and sort of what I was struggling with my my own personal life in like mental health stuff then

11:20 Navigating some you know, neural atypical sort of.

11:26 You know ways existence are the fluidity of the brain was not as helpful for me to me at those points. I was struggling a bit. Anyway, we found love it was great. I like are like key thing to be like you want to make out with like you don't have some wine tonight. But yeah, you know, it's very much like what I can also see that like we're now now we're like showing story is so, you know in movies and media and TV shows like that very much was like my high school have like it being different than navigating that when when these things words would have just blossoming when clear stuff was just kind of blossoming and not really there.

12:09 And so we navigated that sand and then I wasn't supposed to be at your house at one point over the summer after I graduated because her parents were homophobic and she always just wanted me there. So one time I was there and we were all because there was like a child her friends were hanging out with then her mom came home and I was there and I hid in her closet.

12:29 Act like Kristen tried to like turn around to go downstairs and like her mom was like hustling all her friends downstairs and she comes and she runs into the room opens the door and takes me by Mya like tank top and pulled me out of the closet pretty good story. Anyway, it was like so dramatic and you know, there were just lots of things and we were hot and cold and on and off for 2 years then and then when I went to Georgetown to play soccer a year later, I took a year off between high-school and college cuz I was a hot mess and

13:13 We eventually parted ways officially for good in terms of that, you know somewhere in the middle of my freshman year of college. I'm and then I had you know, two other love that from in between Chris and then you and then I met you in my Lair 20s when you know, I was kind of processing what happened between the age of 13 + 27 + trying to sort start to care for myself a little bit differently and you've got a very able to watch that process and I didn't make you part of that process in which is a really good thing. It happened outside of

13:51 My relationship to you and I and I didn't want it to be in me getting healthy. I didn't want it to be connected to like me loving you or having you in my life. Cuz I that's that's not helpful to, you know, navigating a lot of things around sort of brain health until yeah, we like we Mets and then we needed some time apart sand and then we just developed a really amazing friendship and things really slow which I think was fantastic and built like a huge Foundation of friendship. And you know, you got to see me go through a really like amazing gross. In my life and

14:36 And then we slowly like we fell in love and it was amazing. And you know, we were just there for the other person it was quiet. It was it was comfortable it wasn't it? Just like I felt like home it felt good. It wasn't, you know a volcano erupting because that's not sustainable. Right? Like, you know, how we think about love and romance is like really setting ourselves up to it like

15:03 Hit hit hit the ground is not have not things not work. And so now we've been together for 10 years which just seems kind of wild space and time and has a fascinating things. I really like.

15:28 Boggle your mind as he starts to age the relationship to time and yeah, so it's very interesting. So yeah, so now I'm

15:39 I've got this great life and partnership and respect for another person and you know.

15:47 I remember when we were first hanging out in like you're like, okay. Well, we took a real cell. We were like we would hang out like once a week.

15:54 It was great. I like she's like, all right. Well, I'll like I'll call you on Tuesday or text you on Tuesday or something to like figure out what we're going to do later that week until like Tuesday came and she like texting me and I was like what she did something she spent you going to do. What's this? Who are you?

16:14 If I'd like to if I didn't like you about being in love with you is always an adventure but it's also super study and consistent and when people find out that I mean, we're relatively young to have been together for ten years already and you totally were like well, how did you

16:41 But how do you do that? Like I don't I don't even know like I so interesting. I'm like, we don't deny the fact that there are tips and there are fights in there hard times but knowing that we'll get through them and just like consistent like we've been through hard stuff before and we know they're going to have each other on the other side. I think is one of my favorite things about our relationship. Yeah. I still there's like two times where I really remember Philly. I was having a hard day and we were walking. I was having a really hard time about something. I don't know what I don't know what I sat down like on the middle of the

17:21 On the corner on the side while we are just walking in West Philadelphia and I just had like had had enough and I just like sat my ass down and you were like still like not sure had an update just like I'm not going anywhere. I'd like this sucks. I don't feel good. Right like I'm done. I'm just hitting the fuk down.

17:43 You know, I like I think that was like that it's like you stuck with it and like and you know, like later when we're in Lansing and we're in our new home and I don't know where we bought the house. And again, I was just struggling through something dealing with something trying to process something and you just really wanted to fix it for a really wanted to fix it. And like I applaud that and I look at you and I'm just like stop trying to fix this and just sit there like sit down next to me just sit on the floor with me and we can just sit you know, and so it seems like we've really helped each other grow in the face isn't like we need to grow in right like I've grown Leaps and Bounds and just sort of how I problem-solving how I process things in and how I I, you know communicate

18:34 And take care of my needs either communicate my needs to your take care of my needs on my own. You know, you've given me that space to learn and grow on that and you've you haven't you decide you've realized it's like you don't have to fix things immediately. Are you you realize that like messing us can be okay and you know, you've gone on a massive like

18:59 Road trip of your own personal growth from we first met in those first two years. I mean shoosh that was a lot of navigation with you know, your parents and sexuality and you know, we took on a lot right away. And so if we were going to you know, we do if we were going to split up we would have done so a long time ago there were many reasons that could have been you know, where many things that could have put a wedge between this and you just kind of decide if you're going to keep going or not and like once you decide that I can't keep going, you know, then you have to figure that out, but you know,

19:39 That's not really.

19:42 Haven't been there yet and we might be it mean if we're together 40 years. I'm sure there's going to be maybe two times where you're like well fuck this and the fantasies are always better than they would ever be I don't have any fantasies of like, you know, dating other people. I just have fantasies of like all of a sudden just being by myself on the road and being like responsibility is good by you know, I think that's an adult Tennessee that a lot of people have never felt so that they don't have those kinds of things when they're probably like, you know, like being an adult is just like

20:23 Just a list of my responsibilities. It's not it's not enjoyable that concept of adulthood like you have to find ways to make your life what you want it to be and its structure at how you can enjoy cuz like

20:38 Like a childhood as is just a mirage. I don't think that's the word the correct word. But I don't know. Yeah, we were both doing our own work at the same time. Yeah, and so I think that we both gave each other the space to do that which also works really well for our relationship. So now we know how to give each other space and we know how to like navigate the hard stuff just really helpful and we're really good at being like hey.

21:12 You're kind of being an asshole right now. Let's just like like, you know where we're good at like needing to point out things and gracefully. Well, you know, sometimes it's not so gracefully sometimes gracefully depending on where we're at, you know, you know the sort of like being like hey, this doesn't feel good right now. Here's why or like hey, I think like I'm going to give you a little reality check and you know, we're both really receptive of it. Does it happen? Like right in the moment depends on what the other person is feeling, but that's really cool. You know, we've built this trust and like understanding with each other that you know, we know that I trust you that I know if I'm going to a place that I don't even know I'm going to that might not be helpful.

21:59 You're going to you know offer me feedback and vice-versa, you know, so that's that's cool. And I think that's great to have with not just yourself so I can is also really important to develop that with friends, you know, and that's another thing to like, you're not my everything and I'm not your everything and I think that's what also makes relationships fail and their toxic and you don't want to be someone's everything and do you want that person to have other interests and really good friendships that have nothing to do with you and I think that's were super important for any type of successful relationship.

22:42 Whatever if it's a working relationship friendship in a romantic relationship.

22:47 I think that's vital.

22:49 This is your relationship when I want Ottomans with Lydia and Kyle.

22:57 Romance is important is very important. You know, right just Valentine's Day is stupid. Number one, right? If you don't like make time for your spouse and sweetheart and partner wife Husband Day in day out if you don't make them feel heard and special and valued day in and day out then you're doing it wrong and like I like how Lydia sees me and shows up for me. You know, I feel hurt I feel supported. I feel seen and I fell I feel you know, she shows up for me in a way that is magical and like that's what matters not a dozen red roses that you spent like 4999 on secretary interesting directions. I mean, this is about love and Athletics and clear shit and

23:57 Relationships and clear love and you know, we didn't want the clear love of like, you know straight couples. We saw that as a very superficial and it's not like straight people you had can have real love to

24:14 What's the weirdest thing I've ever said I love it. I love to let you know but that's not what we wanted. That wasn't I think that's the thing is like.

24:29 The movie is when you know company is try to sell us as idea of love and I think that both you and I were like, yeah, but that really works before so why would we buy into something that doesn't work for most people? So I think that our abilities just take her own unique approach to our relationship. I mean down to we literally corded each other for like 3 months like we didn't even kiss for 3 months. So we could get to know each other and work through our own shift at the same time. And if they made a movie about that people be like what is happening for him. Give me my money back.

25:13 So yeah, I think that we also just decided to say fuck that like we have our own version of what love is and I think it works really well for us. Yeah. Thanks for sharing about being in love are the most out of love people I've ever heard. I literally got called out yesterday in a meeting. Someone just asked. How is Kyle doing and I just like got the stupidest little smile on my face after 10 years of being together and she was like, I see that smile and Yeah Yeah Yeahs great like find us like they're like you guys are like the super couple. It's amazing. We love you. We love your couple. Okay guys, cuz we're best friends. Yeah and most people basing on lost and like we like to create stories and

26:10 You know that's really easy and it's their the adrenaline and the you know all that but that's not the meat of life. You know life is a lot different and connection and commute Community. There are a lot different and they are way different than any quick story or quick chemical sort of reaction that feels good. But you know, that's not what we want to base. Our foundation on I think basing foundations on love is a really great place to start. We just have to understand. I mean, it's the place to start. We just have to really understand what love is and you know

26:52 Love encompasses. All right, like it's not this kittens and rainbows thing writes a lot more than that. But if we start from place from love, that means we can start from a place where I want to connect with others and we want to have Community with others which to me.

27:09 Makes or breaks, you know.

27:13 How you're feeling about life and I think I think how we connect to others is nessus peschel sauce, right and building connections with others. That's that is the special sauce. It's not about how much money I have. It's not about how successful I am or anyone is this what how do you treat other people and how did they treat you and how do you build those connections? And

27:39 Starting from a place of love

27:42 Makes You and Your World better.

27:47 I think that's a part of what I love about you so much is that we have the shared values to of love and connection. Right? So I think that it makes it easier to to stay or two notice when or if we're feeling disconnected from each other or Community or a need that we have that we can actually just talk about that because Connection in love or so important to us and I think that that's another key to the success of our relationship and then just the relationship that we have in general is

28:20 Knowing the role that our community plays in sustaining us, you know, we have our own communities of people who support us and we can go to if we're having a hard time or so, we're not just relying on each other either which I think is really important like kind of like you were talking about before as we know. We're not making each other our own everything but we have a community of support that also has Us and how they're back. So I think that's just an important factor to

28:52 Yeah anything for me a big part of this is just how my younger years gave me a perspective on life that I'm forever grateful for whether it's sort of what the absurdity of what I experienced as a child in relation to gymnastics and coaches and what adults do to kids

29:17 And or you know what happened sort of how I experienced, you know changes in my mental health in high school and college in my early in the twentieth. I had to save my life a couple of times, you know, literally and the so I think it's giving me a massively sort of different perspectives to how I want to show up for other people and how I see people and how I see the world and it lets me connect to other people in a in a true and authentic and meaningful way, you know, I

30:01 I'm really like one of the most genuine people I know and that's not not to sound egotistical.

30:08 You know, that's not my style. That's not my style.

30:13 But it helps me create a sound foundation for I want to live in it helps me sort of really think about what my core values are.

30:24 Matthew one more question one more question. I don't know. What are you the proudest of in life?

30:37 I think I'm like potentially like working on that right now and I think I've been working on it for like the last couple years of like

30:46 Trying to think about how I want to show up in the world and like what what that means for me and how I want to take risks and how I'm rewarded from those risks and like doing things that are scary, you know, I started my own pop-up restaurant concept and people have responded really well in that and I'm here sitting I'm sitting here right now because of that and because I created a a brunch for like queers who brunch, you know, doing cool things for your community and sharing with your community. I started to share stories about you know,

31:23 What my experience with mental health has been like and then talking about these things that are scary and it's I think like that is happening. Like as we speak. Like I think my proudest I think it's like allowing myself to go through the development of being more vulnerable of being more open of sort of I think. Yeah. I think I'm I'm watching it happen and I'm trying to make some big decisions of how I want to sort of expand what I do in my business and expand my footprint, you know in my community in the Lansing Community and what that looks like and what that looks like you no honor for myself and others and how I want to show up and and so I don't know that's kind of an odd answer but like the evolution of letting yourself be truly honorable and that's what I'm trying. That's what I

32:23 I'm working on and I'm still working on and I hope to work on my whole life. That's there's no end to that. You know, so speak your truth.

32:36 It's hard. It's scary. And so that's what I'm trying to cultivate.

32:45 Yeah.

32:47 Putting yourself out there. What does scary high-reward exactly? They're like, it's they're not related to money, you know, and I think we need to do a better job of divorcing ourselves from work success and monetary success like that really has nothing to do with life. Like it's fundamentally has nothing to do with life and I wish we could work better at that as a culture. And so and I have a really hard time with it. Let me be clear.

33:26 Write like money is essential in the world that we live in and

33:34 You know, I understand. It's even a privilege to sort of talked about that and this and kind of like high-level way, you know, and so I'm not like I don't want to the little money and what it means and so

33:52 But I think once we eat when we place too much value on it to our to our levels of success in The Human Experience and if we change the way we look at money, I think that's means we're going to change the way we use money and I think then we could have a more Equitable Society. Right? We we we we change from a a society of scarcity tactics and scarcity add to a society of abundance. I'm a night. It's how we look at money right that changes it and so I'm trying to do that in my life and and how I would like to operate a business or what kind of footprint I want to make it how I can show up for that.

34:32 I think that's a part of what you're trying to build here. Is that

34:37 It Center in Warren Community than it is on like I I know they're trying to cultivate a space where people can actually just come together and connect and I think that's a really critical piece of the vision that you have. I'm going to think that's what really makes you proud of it is that it's based in this innate need that you have for that connection community in love and I think your ability to find a way to do that is a really powerful and can really impacts our community here in Lansing and then I got to be honest when I when we move to the Midwest and you grew up on the east coast and I was like, oh my gosh, Kyle is like this is going to be a journey is going to be really hard for Kyle to find their place in in this community in Lansing is so small, but it's really cool to watch you find the ways to get what you need here and also took to cultivate that the community that

35:36 Wouldn't exist without you. So I really appreciate that about you. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. I love it here now small place but man was first couple years were brutal, but you know, it brings me back to my favorite song as a kid growing up that is in my heart and my soul. It's a song by Nina Simone and it's called Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood and I think this comes back to like the whole conversation. I mean, it's such a powerful song and she's just yearning in that song to be seen and be heard and two

36:23 You know and I just I connected with it the moment I heard it and that kind of comes through and how I want other people to feel connected when they are around me. You know, like, how can I reach out and say hello and and make you know that I see you and I see your humanity and I value you and so that's I guess what I'm just trying to do, you know every day and if I can figure out how to make some kind of sort of sustainable business out of it then that's awesome. I can't that's also awesome because I'll be doing it in some way or another. So yeah. So being here in Lansing has been a really amazing journey to sort of build connection and and learn about myself in in different ways on how I want to show up for myself and how I want to show up for young people and and adults alike.

37:19 Can I just say that I love that you have your Nina Simone for President t-shirt on right. Now after that, I didn't even know that that's so great. It's pretty serious. Really really didn't do that. That was dishonest. I couldn't even do this kind of stuff if I tried. Yeah, perfect. It's so so yeah.

37:42 I love you. I love you. And I love who you are in the world and your ability to bring people together and create connection and do it in love throughout our community. So thank you for sitting with me and hanging out. Thanks for sitting with me. I really appreciate it. Appreciate it. If you know, sometimes I struggle with words, but that's okay. If you need me, you know, I talk with hands and faces and gestures but can't do that right now. Next time we'll do a video of you through those he want to do that.

38:23 Go go.