Daniel Corbin and Jenny Corbin

00:02 Hello, my name is Jenny. I'm 37 years old. It is Sunday, January 15th, 2012, and I'm here in Austin, Texas with my husband Dan Corbin.

00:15 And this is Dan Corbin. I'm 39, and I also live here in Austin obviously with Jenny.

00:23 So we did this set it almost seven years ago the day after a wedding in May 2005. So the most obvious question to start with is what happened in the last 7 years. Can you give me the the 3.3 highlights 22 recap and maybe if I just do a recap and then I can think of the highlights on the way, so we spent the first three years of our marriage in DC while actually just outside DC just outside Georgetown in Virginia, and then the opportunity came up what we just decided to move to Austin.

01:13 It was actually asked after we found out that you were expecting.

01:18 And your brother Mitch had been moved here cuz his wife Paulina has two sisters here. There is a job opening at Dal and we came to visit we'd always talked about door number one was DC door. Number two is Philly when you were living there who we talked about this mysterious Door Number 3, and when we did this last time I think

01:41 I don't think we really thought much about door number three. I think we were just kind of like right we're here. We're in DC. Let's

01:48 Going to be married and I think we always thought we would give it our best to try and make it work in DC because of not just our friends but our jobs kept us there. We we liked it. There was nothing really great. Yeah, we would wanted to see that happen and make it happen and opportunity in a window came open and we wanted to see the planet or you wanted to see the pain at that time. I think I was more reticent because of my state of being pregnant and wanted Bounties in somewhat like when I see you like, okay when I'm sure of like this is the right move like I just go for it and I didn't really wasn't so much an opportunity came up. It's like we just decided if that's what we're going to do like a can Cowboys where I worked at a law firm. They allowed me to transfer but it wasn't something that they really were keen on and you are working for Whole Food. So you're able to continue to work up until

02:48 I was pregnant and I was born and you were seven and seven and a half months pregnant. So she was born a month month-and-a-half after we moved so

03:04 I guess going back to the

03:08 You question the three highlights obviously. They the biggest one is Mia and the second is just all the surprises that have.

03:19 Occurred in our move to Austin the first year not having a lot of friends kind of stunk. We love the city. We live we are ready. We're very happy about the move but I think is also harder when you come from in a situation where you have so many friends and then you find yourself in a different state surrounded by people has a lot different than you as a couple are going through and very different. We were trying to figure out a way out of parenting and then on top of it trying to figure out how we going to make friends and so.

04:08 I know it's a forgiving but the very easy ways to get to know people here. If you are going to make such a big one friend in particular jokingly saying, you know listen to no one wants to make new friends after 35 hear you. Why do you want to go there at least try to convince us just about as read James is Right typical. I'm going to beat you down to get you what I want you to do me a favor. He was insulting Us by but that's his way of complimenting yet. But it mean if there is there's a grain of Truth in that, you know, if you go to certain cities you might have a difficult time, but I think Austin because a lot of people are transplants and I don't know it was very easy that because we had a dog and a kid and we're outgoing people that and now we have an amazing collection of friends that we get together with at least one.

05:08 Twice a week and I think of mirrors what we had in DC so that that definitely is a highlight of coming here to Austin would be the second life that we've established. I think probably the other biggest thing that happened was getting laid off, you know, the Great Recession as they call it that definitely affected us not nearly as much as some people cuz I was only unemployed for three months and frankly career-wise it ended up being a great thing for us.

05:45 Because I've you know, I'm at a higher level than I ever was before and I have more potential to kind of take on responsibilities and run bigger things and that's been good for but frankly kind of pales in comparison to just seeing Mia and being with our friends and seeing the life that we can establish tear through this evolution of being a newlywed to now being a parent of a three-and-a-half-year-old. What are some things that have surprised you about yourself? Have you caught yourself reacting towards things that you that are surprising to you or not reacted towards things that you're reacting to that or I mean being a big liberal a guy always kind of hate it turned political buzzwords about like family values this and that and everything. We're if it if you were

06:45 Two parents and two kids, you know, we didn't do that whole mentality never really appealed to me, but and I'm still very much a liberal but I have more opportunities to being a parent obviously and you know what's important for kids and helping my views have changed its just you know the angle in which I'm seeing things just a little bit different and more sensitive. I mean, I can't anyting I can't watch anything that is harmful that depicts harm the kids and you really be coming to me because that seemed me ads that kid is the most important thing in the entire world and I just I think a lot about what's best for her and how to make her life as good as it can possibly be

07:40 So the way there's another thing what we can you repeat the question again think that is the price you got yourself. Oh, I'm more patient than I thought it was because being a parent can definitely be trying and I don't really get really angry ever with me. I don't think that she's ever seen me like, I'll get Stern maybe I think but I've never really been super super angry and I don't remember where my mom would be quick to sometimes get upset.

08:15 But she had five kids and it's kind of interesting to see how I've slowly been developing into my dad. And now that you are about to turn 40 describe who you think Dan Corbin who you would like to think we're going to be in his forties. So, how are you and your 30s like words to describe yourself in your thirties.

08:40 I don't know. I'm a little bit more settled. I'm a little bit more comfortable in my skin.

08:47 I never really consider myself super ambitious, but I'm a little bit more focused on things and then just are no more family oriented differently. I think I think a lot about what's best for our family and I think about our relationship and that everything that's going to happen over the past six and a half years has just kind of made me more more. Okay, like I said, like my dad, my dad was always doing everything for our family and trying to spend as much time with the boys and you know that his daughters and so I think I had a really good model for how to raise a happy healthy family and he was definitely more difficult IBC mapping five kids. I think we get we have a very well-run household and it that obvious a tribute to you, but

09:41 40s

09:44 You were you concerned about being 40 blink? Think about like, oh my gosh. I'm going to be 40 Churchill retirement and being able to spend 100% of my time doing everything that I want. And I think I use my free time. You were very good about allowing each other or have time to explore interests into I certainly take a lot of weekends to go out of town in Chicago New York and Florida and to do fun stuff and

10:17 So I don't even want to be the type of person where I just sit at home and and get into a really boring routine and don't ever go out and really live life. I like to I'd like to see us travel a little bit more. So maybe I don't know. I don't see any like huge.

10:35 Changes coming up. I think I've kind of building a nice Foundation. I just look forward to seeing me or grow up and seeing the type of person that she's going to be.

10:47 So tell me a little about your job cuz I'm always curious if you've made not a huge shift, but it is somewhat of a shift in your your role professionally. What are tell me a little bit about it. And what what do you hope to get out of it? What do you like about it? And what you hope where will take you next professionally? Well, I professionally primarily better programmer. So coding building software online web software and now I still do that but most of the software is already built. I'm just enhancing it. Most of my time is spent talking to clients building strategies to build the business managing employees thinking about budgets and sales in

11:37 Is it different being on the other side? I mean, you've managed teams in the past probably unattended different scale but different kind of sitting on the other side of the table. So to speak it still does not like a real hierarchy type thing. I think I am power. I've hired really really good smart people who are extremely capable and I've been trusted them to do their jobs and I listened I take their input and I think we have a really good team. It's it's not that different before the teams that worked with it was all programming in this this isn't this is a lot of different projects in the a lot of different initiatives in marketing and a lot of it's new to me. So the people who are in the trenches kind of doing the stuff I

12:26 I definitely take their input and having a good CEO to kind of give us some good guidance and just learning on the job, but it's been really fulfilling we have done really really well and accompanies the most successful and never has been but he don't think about that I think.

12:49 What makes me be somewhat good at this job. Is it at I don't just say. Alright. Well, that's great businesses. You know, I don't have to do anything else. I realized more changes. But but I want to talk about work. Yeah, but still phrase throw me a question.

13:17 Well, I want to talk about our marriage and just if this is cuz we we did we have the storycorps disc from last time. She's never listen to I don't ever I can't see a time where you and I can be like a let's sit down and listen to that. I could I could see is doing it maybe on a on a golden anniversary like her five-year anniversary you walk into it thinking I want to capture myself now in the moment at the snapshot and then see yourself. It's it's always interesting to kind of reflect back on that person used to be you know, if your Facebook has certainly I think I encouraged us to do more of that because you you connect with people that you probably haven't seen in a decade or so photos posted of you back in like high school camp and it how it kind of encourages you to think back about who that.

14:14 Not absolutely. So since that since we got married, I think I've been to the biggest change for you is becoming a mom so I don't to talk about being a mom how

14:27 How that's changed you and how the actual day today.

14:34 Challenges of being a mom is different than maybe what you had envisioned probably there's a couple things or role that I have to play but it's one that I'm very appreciative very grateful and it's probably the most rewarding role that I I get to play day today. I think when you get married there still a sense of in this is just my take. I think they're still sense of selfishness that you walk into the marriage. Like when am I going to get out of this marriage? You know, it's it is about creating a balanced and supporting one another but you still kind of walk into it like well, these are my goals and this is what I want to walk away with the marriage become apparent. It is completely a selflessness like you no longer put yourself in the equation anymore. It's all about your child. What's best for your child you go through your day. That's sometimes that's all you think about is what can I do to make her

15:34 Play better or her life better to enrich your life. So I think that's been kind of the biggest change in me personally, is that I often and I know what to say to sound like I'm a martyr but you do tend to think a little less about yourself, you know the world around you more so about you know, what's going on inside the confines of Rio and I think that can you can actually take that not you in particular but one thing we've done is we don't let us like being parents like that doesn't rule everything like we take me out. We do a lot of things socially still where we involved me a but not everything is dictated by a three-year-old and I think that's been our life really been feeling and I think that helps just us being able to spend time together last night. We went to dinner and have frozen yogurt which doesn't sound exciting but

16:33 You know when we eat when you have a busy week and you're running around and you have a lot of different commitments when you can spend just a little bit of time and a new place and run into interesting people and have good conversation and just spend time the three of us. I don't know that that's really nice and it is not just all about well.

16:53 Me really likes to act like a cheese. So that's where we're going to go right and grey harvill parents. Cuz we said we are never taking my kid to Disneyland now. Like I want to go to have a kid always so black-and-white. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to have the child comes and you have there's only so much amount of control you have or influence you have over your child. That is the way they are so you can only influence him so much. So she so desires to to be the pretty princess in Disneyland me how people when Mia was really young especially because she has such an easy going to meet her and is very happy kid and well-behaved and even yesterday that her teacher as a little Jim were saying she was like the model student.

17:53 She really is a really well-behaved kid and people would ask him. How do you get her to be that way in kids kids just are who they are. They come out and you can have your different parenting philosophies and have you different tactics and strategies for how you're going to get them to do what you want. But a lot of it is they're just going to do what they do, you know, and they're going to react the way they react so but kind of time at Disneyland thing with that we're living our life and not in a way dictated by a three-year-old but we I think we take vacations that all of us would each I like I think my my response to the question of how I helped motherhood has been for me. I think like you said earlier it changes your outlook on the world in your perspective on the world. I think for the past 30 years. I mean me from the time I was born until just about I was 30. I thought nothing but of myself

18:53 What do I need to do to get me from point A to point B and it was I mean, we were very self-centered. Even when we were married, even though we lived in the same household. You did your thing. We were very independent from one another. We it was never so much we invited each other into our you know, their activities and things like that, but you did your thing and I didn't I know you don't want to go to indie rock shows that sense of Independence and then all the sudden this little being walked into your life and it's it's not like that anymore. It's like I can't just think of myself because I now have another person that I have to keep alive that sort of perspective has changed for me all for the good though. But back to your original question about marriage, how do you feel that? Our marriage has involved involved?

19:56 When we did that the last time is one day after we married and I remember we are very lovey dovey and lots of him. I loved you, but I can generally say that I feel we continue to grow closer and closer and closer and you know, I know you'll hear of other couples and they fight and we've had our disagreements and staff and every once in a blue moon, you know, my Irish temper will kind of flare up but we just have such a strong relationship and being together for the past 12 years. I don't think either of us, you know, we haven't had the long-running joke that the only way either of us are getting out of this relationship is in a coffin and I know like our moms hate when we say that but I like it. I I love the fact that I know that we're always going to be married and we're always going to be together and I look forward to what the next 20 30 40 years are going to be like

20:56 Did Ben harder easier from year to year?

21:00 Honestly, there's ups and downs in life's but in terms of our marriage the marriage is always easier and it's the outside things that you can really control so much that kind of will add stress our make life more difficult, but

21:20 Those things are kind of offset by the strength of our marriage and there been times and you can probably even graphic, you know, where I've leaned on you more and you've leaned I mean more and I am sure that that'll continue and it just

21:41 I know it's the it's the one constant someone's security at you know, I don't like a lot of insecurities as you know, like I'm very cautious about finances and things like that. But if I feel very good about security be having a relationship in the fact that we we really do genuinely love each other and continue to love each other and want to be with each other for the rest of our lives and I really feel horrible for people who don't have that because I know how wonderful it is.

22:14 So what do you advise people when they are?

22:20 What do you advise young couples as a say about marriage license in tips that you would give them. The one thing I learned really quickly was I need to listen cuz I always think I know everything and

22:38 So and that was a lesson of my brother taught me when we were buying our first house and

22:44 Hina internet's I was right. I knew what the right Smart Financial thing to do was and what we are a good deal. We are getting on the first place we bought but that any really consult you. I just hate this what we're going to do and and I just expected you to kind of follow online and through the years I've listened. I know when we do have disagreements and stuff. I need to really really try hard to listen in and go back to that lesson and not just you know arguing shouldn't be about trying to win. It should be about listening and hearing with the other person in figuring out their prospective in their side of it and putting yourself in that, you know in your shoes, and I don't I try not to ever

23:31 Assume what you're going to say. I know how difficult it is. Like Kevin Hart working part-time about being you take care of me a lot you so much around the house and everything time you afford me the same courtesies. Are you understand? Okay, what if it can be stressful at work and all that stuff? So if it didn't word if I can provide advice would be listen.

23:56 What would what would your advice be listening is really good. I just I think you really have to trust your partner. I think that's a big thing because like you said earlier life will throw you all sorts of curveballs in it was abs and flows as you like to tell me and if you don't trust that partner that you're with then it becomes harder to ride out those hard times. So I think that and of course that you know is so many books and people will tell you that the communication which I think you know goes along with the listening aspect is not just allowing yourself to talk in and expect your partner going to just sit there and listen, but you have you yourself have to be a good listener for your spouse to sew and go both ways. I would definitely say it's the trust and honesty aspect when I think about

24:54 The way we treat each other and especially the way you treat me, I think trust yeah, I don't think there's any

25:03 Ever any distrust we just make it really easy and the end of communications part. Everyone has different styles of communicating. You have to be in a relationship create your own what works.

25:15 And that that that involves DNA something we always I think he always have to work on.

25:24 But I think we're definitely getting better.

25:28 I was ever really that bad.

25:32 Okay. There. Are you some other questions that just can you tell me funny stories things? They do things that make us laugh are constantly are just a little inside jokes or things that Mia has said or the interactions between her and her dolls are the dog like my poor dog is always the butt of the joke and he's sure he had some issues by we got in some good training, but you said he is really such a good dog, and he does genuinely

26:18 I think he loves being part of family and and I do like the times when we go running and we have I have that time alone with him cuz he's

26:30 I think he likes having guide time. Maybe I'm projecting too much onto a dog, but he deserves a little bit of credit considering he has to play the role of a skunk most nights. We have a game with me. It's just it's simply called skunk and we say I'm not really but I guess to a three-year-old with imagination. So all we do is we pointed out of a real skunk. I grabbed me and then we run away and that is that same Target but it's endlessly, you know, he's endless fun for me. I doing that she laughs and giggles and just screams and loves and Oliver plays games with us and I have to give him credit. He has really helped our parenting style. I think along he's he's kind of been like the third parent in the household whenever Mia's upset. We need a quick distraction.

27:30 Do something that just we can't get be involved with right now and I'll never was the motivation getting Oliver was the motivation to crawl into finally walk and being able to get to that dog is a badass main purpose in this life. And now is she now she has responsibilities to him and she gives him his hugs every time when before he goes into his crate and she feeds and breakfast and gives him his bones. And yes, it's it's kind of cute to see your you know,

28:01 Cutting dog's going to be the only sibling that kid ever has so yeah. I mean, I like I like the fact that we talked about Austin here in Austin again, I think it's really been a great move. I was going to ask if you like my mustache, but I know the answer to that already I was going to say when you had commented about the move to Austin and how the it wasn't the intention for both of us because I wasn't ready to move you've just a little bit of background on that. So we found out you know, we're expecting

28:47 Chinese preference would have been to stay in DC have the baby then move moving in the middle of a pregnancy when you have doctors that you trust and you know, you've kind of worked with up leading up to the pregnancy and seeing through the first trimester and then I will send say okay. I'm on here moving halfway across the country is obviously a lot to ask and I know it was asking a lot because I mentioned earlier I just make a decision and say this is the right thing and I I just get it done and I had to drag you a little bit of long.

29:25 But I am it worked out but I don't. I don't want you everything. I don't recognize how difficult that was for you.

29:33 Yes, it was difficult. But we are also the type of people and we have the sort of marriage where when presented with a challenge or difficult difficult task. We just we bear down we just do it we girl you know, I I I don't think it had removed it. Even if we moved to North Dakota we would have made it work out. I don't think we're the type of people to be like, oh, I don't want to move there and I'm not even going to try to make it my home. So let's just forget about it. I mean Austin is being so gracious to us and so generous and very hospitable and truly. I think the first year was hard, but after that first year, I've really embraced Austin has a home Euro me and for our family, I love her in 2 years ago. We started laughing family happy hour week. We got weekly happy hour, whatever and his dart out started out with just me you and Mia and it was my idea for a while after South by South.

30:33 I'm starting to get nicer and I just wanted to have time either not always be at work late. And so is it right will let's just I'll leave work a little bit early every Thursday and we'll go and we'll have happy hour and then we invited another couple and another couple got invited and now it's what 12 different families wee-wee every single week. We calculating probably been to you know, 8290 different times. We've met we get together with them at Reno Thanksgiving and Christmas and are all of our kids are best friends and some of the you know, some of the people didn't have kids when they join a happy hour and now there's most of the couples have two kids and

31:15 All those relationships are really you know that I think that's maybe something that's unique. We could have done that in DC trying to get that many different those different people all to meet up in one spot and just traffic alone would have killed that idea in DC and and Austin and I don't think that would they would have literally been to 40 different places being able to have that sort of life and go to take her kids to Austin City Limits and South by Southwest and all those fun things fun fun fun fest. So before we have to end it here, what is I don't think Mia will ever listen to this because she's going to reach an age where she wants nothing to do with her parents and we're going to complete embarrassment to her. But if she should by chance listen to this years from now, what is something you would like to tell Mia?

32:11 I don't know if I can ever summarize. I just hope she knows how much that we love her and how much especially the sacrifices that you make it on a daily basis for her to make sure that she's eating the right things and

32:26 We we think a lot about everything that's building up in her life and

32:35 We we just didn't really want the best for her. And I think you know for the first three and a half years. We've done a pretty good job. I me my goal. I know there's some parents that my kid is going to go to Ivy League school are my kids going to do this or that or they're going to be a doctor at those are not the type of aspirations I have for me. I want me to grow up to be happy and healthy and anything else is you know bonus and I want her to have a happy healthy relationship like we have and I think it's that since it's important I think so she asked she gets older than modeling that we do with the fact that she genuinely like will just naturally say, please and thank you makes me really happy and I'm just excited to see the type of person. Is she becomes and not to impose too much of what?

33:23 I want for her but for us to encourage what interest her into let her kind of make those car about those pads and I know we there's a prayer that we say with her every night. And the last line of his is

33:43 I thank you God for choosing me at 2 to do great things at exactly house which exact?

33:53 And I do think she's going to do great things. I think I want her to affect people and you know have good relationships and to make other people's lives a little bit better.

34:09 Well if I get you a message with Mia it is that of course, I love you millions and I'll probably tell you that for the rest of your life. But also that that we that we believe in her that she can go on to do great things. And I hope that that we can always instill that sense of confidence in her. I think it's at as a child. I mean personally for myself. I wish I had walked into situations with a little bit more confidence and I I want me to know that we believe in her know she's I think by Nature she's she's a little she is cautious but not she's not shy and she just likes to come up assess the situation and then it really is great to see her as she

34:59 Becomes a little bit more comfortable and run self. Yeah, it is that she's just herself.

35:09 It is it is fun to say and yeah, we see all sorts of sides to her whether she's in class. And I love the fact that she's learning that when she puts in effort.

35:22 She can good things come out of that like her swim classes and

35:29 I don't know. I am just an idle question. I know if you don't I don't ever want to projecting and take things for granted cuz that's a no. How do you make God laugh plan? We can't control there's so much of it that's out of our control and one of the things that I try not to do is make assumptions about the future because it makes that much more difficult when things don't go your way. I think we've both experienced things in our lives and especially like losing our fathers that were not planned but

36:04 Those things happen and there's going to be a lot of good things and bad things that happen to us.

36:10 You know where the next 20 30 40 50 years and I don't know what all those things are are but I I don't want to seem too much. But hey, I can't say I'm very proud of

36:26 The guy that we have and I think

36:31 It'll be.

36:32 He'll be the greatest thing in our lives seeing her going to grow up and become the person that she's meant to be.

36:40 And I Now understand that the greatest compliment you can give give a parent is to compliment that that child because you like you said you put your heart and soul into raising this child into two created a safe and happy and healthy environment for her. So for some Outsider to recognize that and say you're you're just a beautiful person is probably the greatest compliment you and I could ever have anything else you want to know about me that you've never asked. This is your chance.

37:13 No keeping secrets or we have you know, we talk a lot. I don't think there's anything I asked help out asking you if I think I got it all out there. So.

37:37 No, I I think I've shared. I've always shared everything. You know, what's on my mind. I tried very hard to tell you every day how much I love you and how much I appreciate on the times when you're there for me to lean on me. I think about some really difficult times that you got me through and I never take for granted what we have and I thank God for bringing us together and I just

38:09 I'm so glad that our lives are going to be spent together.

38:15 And that's a good way that close it up, and thank you. Thank you. I love you. I love you, too.