Jonathan Morancy and Kerry Morancy

00:00 Dancing doctor

00:03 Hi, my name is Jonathan Moran. See I'm 47 years old. Today's date is May 23rd. 2016. I'm in Baltimore, Maryland, and I'm here talking to my wife. I'm Kerry Ford Morenci. I'm 44 years old. It's May 23rd 2016. We live in Baltimore, Maryland, and I'm here with my husband.

00:26 So Jonathan, how long did you know you wanted children? So I probably had some vague sense that I would someday have kids. I guess I just assumed I have kids at some point, but I never actually really thought much about it beyond that. I just kind of just going to be there at some point, but I didn't really think about it that actively like projecting what it would be like running. So I guess I'd say I kind of always assume that have kids. I don't think it was some kind of

01:01 Drive that I was having like I might got to have to have kids. So I think growing up an only child affect that

01:13 I don't think so. I mean maybe it did in the sense that maybe the idea of kids wasn't.

01:20 As prominent with me is it might have been if I had siblings cuz kids weren't around me or something so much growing up. So maybe it wasn't as big of an issue as a constant thought is it might have been if I'd had siblings, but then again, I don't really know cuz I didn't have siblings. So not sure how is having siblings would have affected that so for me, I think having my older brother and younger sister made me always assumed I would have kids as I got older. I wanted to wait to have kids and wait until I was established in my career and getting through college, but I think I always felt like I'd have at least two if not more having no idea how expensive kids are. So when did you think first about adoption? When did you first consider adoption? So I guess I really hadn't thought much about adoption until some point in our relationship. I can't remember who this is probably before we were married actually that you had mentioned that

02:20 You had an interest in adopting kids independent of whether or not we had our own biological kids that even if we have biological kids you express and interested in adopting as well. So so I probably hadn't thought about it.

02:37 I think I would prefer I had thought about it up until that point till you should have brought that up as a possibility for us.

02:44 So I guess I would have been in my

02:47 Late twenties or something like that early like 30 years old some around there. So and we met working at the same agency communities for people and I think that was the work that kind of I don't know inspired that thought. I've really started to understand the kids in the foster care system and what they were going through and I think that's why I started to feel like I should adopt and consider that as an option. I think it changed and we can talk about that too. After we got married and started trying to have a family and started feeling being unable to then have biological children. That's for me. That's when the idea of adoption became really important to me personally, so no longer became just something I wanted to consider prefer helping someone else if it came of utmost importance to me to start the family that I always wanted. So that would have been after I guess when you were in grad school

03:46 Right, so, how'd it what did you think about that process in terms of trying to have a family and what we went through to make that happen exit run Pleasant about it. One of which was just simply physically once we cuz we tried the where the first technique was probably low impact then we started doing the intro fertilization and that was physically have an ordeal more for you than for me obviously, but I was involved in it because I was having to give you shots which was extremely unpleasant for me to do. It was also just sort of emotionally unpleasant because we because of not succeeding as we kept having these would go through all this process. You start getting your hopes up. Okay, maybe this'll work they'd say well these these ones look really viable. This looks really good and then it would happen. So we said we did that.

04:46 Who is sort of you know emotionally just very disappointing. So intense all the romance out of our sex life. That's certainly true that that's certainly true. And so yes, I was not there's not the most pleasant experience. And so we did ever we did the review Pro 3 rounds of the in vitro fertilization not a witch took and then we'd so we're at that point. We just decided I think because of all the taxing it was we decided to stop this. We felt like we had a window of opportunity. We didn't want to look back and say we wish we had tried infertility treatments. But how did you then feel about adoptions together when we got involved with that and started with the adoption process?

05:38 Create a favorable impression from them. They seem really together. They they said they should have their act together and and they seemed they seem good they seem like a people and and comfortable with them right from the start. So.

05:56 Write me was so we so yeah, I had no I had a positive feelings for them to say to you brought up the fact that we both worked at communities for people that was back in Boston. And and you know, you mentioned that the kids got you started thinking about adoption. I know that we initially looked into the idea of doing fostering to adopt me getting involved with the foster care system in doing that too with the ultimate goal of adopting a kid through that and we'd ultimate decided not to go that route because we're doing that we were already

06:34 Right now we're looking at that. I guess I thought we were I was already.

06:38 30 s i 35 36 and like that and I think something like that and so we were pretty much rain in 37. We are pretty much at the point where we are like we get this thing going like we got to get a family going here. Like we're not 23 anymore. We got to start really really start moving on this thing and we were concerned about the fact that doing that route could take quite a while. You might get a kid for a few weeks and then have to give to get back and I get other kids like we were concerned so we were concerned with the emotional toil I could take us having kids and having to give them up.

07:10 But also just the time involved we didn't want to wait another couple of years are few years because of family going we wanted to get going on it as quickly as possible. So by that point, so that's why we went to instead of going that route. We went to private adoption agency route.

07:24 Yeah, I really enjoyed the Scrapbook aspect of it and putting together pictures of our family and feeling like we're going to present that it was scary to because I knew that if birth mothers looked at that they would be making judgments just based on our pictures and not like the quality of our life for you know, and how you convey that in a in a book of picture. So as it turns out with Elijah his birth mom didn't even look at those scrapbooks in the end. So how did you feel about getting the call about Eli being born? Right? So I was leaving work that afternoon. So I don't know if 5 is something like that 5:30 or something at the time. I was working at the Congressional budget office in DC and I was walking down the hall of our where the fourth floor is walking on the 4th floor hall going to the elevators. You called me. And you said you got you a cryptic you answer the phone, you said?

08:24 We got the 80 call or something like that. And I was like, what are you talking about? And it turned out after the fact I realize you were like that you were outside with a bunch of the kids. You were working with it this time at least a people around and you were feeling like you couldn't you work for this day. You were going to be kind of clothes about what I got here talking about you and so finally you did sort of blurred out to me like what happened with call we got and so then I was like, oh, wow. Okay, so then I guess that's kind of panic set in because it means so in the end one way.

08:54 Basically the whole process for us with our first kid Elijah door-to-door was about a year. We started the home study process on Super Bowl weekend of 2007 and we got him on Super Bowl weekend 2008 and so it wasn't so so we were preparing for this for an entire year and this year you're wrapping your mind around all this you getting prepared. You feel like you're all set up that yet. We've been thinking about this for a long time. We got a bunch of things for the house. We kind of seem like we're all set and ready but then when you get the call and it's like, oh there's an actual kid and you can pick him up. You said they said we does a Monday you said they said that you have on Wednesday. We said, hold on. It's Friday Friday. So this is actually happening. So so you know it I don't know what it's like to have a biological key cuz we didn't have it. But I imagine you get this nine months. It's pretty much set. You just kind of her gradually going through to this endpoint that you know is exactly what we're up there when it's coming.

09:53 With us, we're preparing for a long time. But with the endpoint, we didn't know it all when is coming in until they hit the booms there and they are but a few days, you know, you're picking up a kid. And so so yeah, I think so for me, I guess once you said that they realize what was going on it was like Panic time. I had gotten the call from Laura at adoptions together and she told me that a baby boy had been born and that he was in one of their Foster families. And basically I just had to stop doing what I was doing if I had a client with me I had we're in the middle of a fire drill at work inside needed to return him to his staff. So I went and walked him to the tennis courts, which was the place that everybody had to meet I made sure he was accounted for and I started walking back to the building cuz I knew it was just a drill and I told Laura

10:52 I feel like my brain is melting like time just completely stopped when I heard that he was going to be ours and I needed to talk to you and figure out how we're going to make this happen and then everything just fell into place immediately. Even you don't work through the most amazing baby shower for us within 24 hours. And then just on maternity leave within days or is everybody had been preparing for as well. And that was the amazing thing for me was realizing we weren't the only two people waiting for this baby. It was everybody we work with everybody in our families. It was just a really

11:33 Amazing time to just feel how excited everybody was not just for us, but just that our family was growing in. Our whole extended family was was growing. So I was really powerful for me to experience the fact that all of our friends and co-workers were waiting alongside of us in this in this process.

11:57 So, how did you feel about first meeting Eli? Like I said the Panic kind of set in when you first called me that Monday but then definitely so that Friday morning and we went to the doctors get her office in Silver Spring and with you about the paperwork take care of him to stuff for a while. And then we were like in some room doing all of that and then the Laurel left for a while and then came back like 20 minutes later. Whatever it was with Eli and the Foster mother haven't had it for a couple of weeks. So they walked in the room and so as soon as they walked in the room that's when the pain like really said it because then I suddenly realized oh my God, wait a minute There's an actual to update my points the whole thing have been some of the action and then at that point it became completely real cuz he was tiny tiny little kid you like 3 weeks old and I think he was born someone under wait, so he's just really tiny tiny tiny little kid coming in the room being held by this woman.

12:57 Come over to us.

12:59 So yeah, the realization of you know, what magnitude was happening just going to hit me suddenly so that I got so yeah, I like oh my God. Okay. Now what are we supposed to say? Yeah, it was really intense. And then I had that whole experience of kind of feeling the opposite and I attend just felt a complete calm wash over me when I held it and he was sleeping and he just rested his head on my shoulder and for me that just felt like an affirmation that he's mine and I just felt badly insanely in love with this baby cuz has so little in and so vulnerable. So I think you know what my parents were there and Mom had to remind us like we need to get him home at some point. We need to get him in the car seat. We need to get ourselves something to eat. So I really needed her to just walk me through that whole process cuz I just felt like I could have sat there holding him forever. So

13:57 Bushido to that the time for Massachusetts and I'm a big Boston sports fan. And I mentioned that we got him on Super Bowl weekend. So we got to run Friday February 1st and 2008 and the Super Bowl that weekend February 3rd was the Patriots versus the Giants. So I was naturally pretty excited about those The Undefeated Patriots team up until that point and I think they did the little told story about the Patriots failure that yours a fact that I wanted up naming my kid giving my kid the same name as a Giants quarterback. So I think I kind of take personal responsibility for that whole situation. I think I really screwed that up so I can hear Elijah, but I feel like I really made a bad mistake. They're so so

14:45 The name Christopher Daniel and the week but we already been talked about various names prior to getting him and I don't know it's what it was. I find interesting is that I'm actually I've never not religious myself. I would never really brought up with in religion. But another my name Jonathan is a Biblical in Origins. I can ask her to like the Biblical name. So I was really thinking about biblical names as options for him and we have kind of settled. I think if I remember correctly that point we settled on your Elijah or Jonah think was the other one. So we are debating between those two by the by the end, but it's kind of like the Biblical name idea going that route. And so we got to get a little ironic cuz I'm not myself never really been religious myself, but I got really like the biblical names. So so we shall be laid out and I'm not name, but we decided

15:45 I did to keep the first name that his birth mother had given him Christopher as his middle name as a way to sort of connect him to or Bonner is his birth mother so is his name is Elijah Christopher Eli for short and for me having grown up Catholic. It was really important that again and there be a Biblical connection but specifically Eli in the Bible was the priest who told Hannah her prayers will be answered after years and years of never having a child. So he was he was the prophet basically that answered her prayers and that's very much how I felt about Eli coming into our lives is every wish and hope and dream I've ever had to start a family just came true in that moment of of meeting him.

16:38 So do I say more about Ariana's adoption and how that process was different or the same is Eli's chocolate the timing on hers. I think the time was pretty close to the same as his and end.

16:59 He was a 27 that I could reach 27th was my last day at a job after having given three months notice on January 28th about her.

17:13 Prairieland the same day, so we got them both on the same day 3 years apart. So we also picked her up on the Monday after the Superbowl. So 2011 so so yeah, I don't remember exactly when we started the whole home study process with her and it was a little more than the first time so but it also seemed relatively quick by the time we were finally approved to adopt. She kind of came on the scene relatively quickly. So it didn't we weren't waiting around for a long time. So

17:52 I think when we get when we picked her up for adoptions together office for that when I was in Virginia, and we picked her up. We wasn't really a panic that one cuz I already had to get in. So it's like that you have a kid wasn't ditto wasn't a scary so that that was just sort of so that's the biggest difference between our adoptions with them is being in contact with Ariana's birth family, but having no contact with Eli's birth family.

18:28 Right and we maintain contact with her birth family. We've seen them each year soon as September every year since so if we've gone down to the Virginia Beach area to see them every year every September since then so the right we don't have any contact with Eli's Eli's mother had asked not to have any contact. So how do you feel about that being different and including Eli comes with us obviously on those

18:58 Visits with her birth family right has a part of me that kind of wish we didn't have any contact at all just because of the fact that it's just uncomfortable. It's not see once a year was just it's it's a sort of stilted to get together or it's not you know, so in some ways I kind of wish we would have to deal with it at all. I guess on the other hand. I'm glad Ferrari sake that she has it cuz she doesn't appreciate. Jisoo some like seeing her older sister that her birth mother still has prom so so to the degree that is beneficial for her is good that we have it but I do worry about the fact that he lied doesn't have that and we even anticipating our interview today we even talking about this with him last night were asking him about that fact and he did say we so we asked him how he felt about the fact that we are in contact with Ariana's birth family, but not with his

19:57 He did say that it seems weird. But then that's about all he said we've tried to probe him to find out what would it would you mean wealth? How do you feel about this? And you can I wouldn't offer nothing else. So, you know, I think it might very well be the case. Is it maybe he's confused about it maybe feels weird about it. I don't know what you said. He's he's not a real.

20:17 He's really introverted. He's not wanted for the bike.

20:21 Put out there everything you thinking but it fits so that part of it does concern me like I do for a long time. I vent dissipated some point at which he starts trying to ask for what you would like to know what's going on here. Why don't I why don't we have any contact with my birth? Why does she have all these people in that don't have anybody and you even mention to him last night and then you said you told me before but he seemed to take it as news which was that his birth his birth mother has four biological children that she has and she seemed to think that was news need to pack shocked by it. And so so yes, I do kind of I'm kind of nervous about you know, how to how we're going to handle that when and if that he does present that as a concern as an issue as something he's confused about so

21:09 So that part is

21:11 And I'm a little.

21:14 It's just a loan approval.

21:22 Sure. So so Elijah now's is 8 years old. He was born in January of 2008 just turned eight a few months ago. He is seems to be extremely tall for his age. He's constantly on the very upper end of the the height distribution. Every time we have a annual physical for him. He's really like I said, he's very he's very introverted. He's seems to be pretty athletic. He he likes in second grade. Now, he's doing really well in school like he's doing really well reading do really well in school, but he's also he's very athletic. And so and I like to watch and play sports. That's fun for him and me to be able to

22:10 To go to watch sports together and play sports together. And so he really seems to enjoy it a lot and I like either doing it with him or bringing him two things that he does like right now. We're doing baseball. He seems to enjoy that. I like bring into you Ariana is our daughter. She's five-years-old. She's over five and a half now she is what's interesting. Is that both you and I are very different temperamental EU. I am very introverted kind of quiet and cautious. You're much more risk taking an extroverted in

22:48 I kind of forgot to put yourself out there and what's interesting is that despite the fact that these kids have no biological connection to us there should tracking our personalities in Eli's very much temperamentally like me and Ariana is very much temporarily or permanently like you she's much more risk-taking. She's very loud. She's rambunctious. She's out there just constantly talking and singing so those contrast between the two of them and also to see how that sort of the two of us. So that's been interesting to see I'm making also mentioned I should also mention the fact that you another thing with our children is that there and we aren't so the so this is a dachshund for adoption represents an interracial interracial adoption. So that's all I should put that out there, too. So is that anything you

23:48 Affect your parenting style in terms of information you pass on to them or share with them conversations. We have a I guess I do feel some sense of obligation to

24:04 You know how tall you've done this too much to date, but I certainly as they get older I do feel like they're the older they get the more I do feel some sense of obligation to make sure they have some comprehension of to the fraught history in this country regarding the interaction between white people black people. If they did they'd I feel like they do, you know,

24:33 At you right I got to feel like we're gonna have to make a real concerted for a planned effort to to talk to them about that kind of stuff and teach them about things and

24:48 You know cuz I think they're going to have to know that and you know, it'll be interesting because it's it's something that for us has been something that we were both aware of the history at least to some degree at a level where we're at. That way. We know a bunch of stuff intellectually, but certainly don't have that sort of got sent experience of it ourselves. And so we're going to have to sort of make sure that they have some understanding of that and I think

25:21 I think we were going to need to do that. So, right right and it's also with that. I mean, you know, I mean all this so the stuff that happened here in this city last year with the Freddie gray incident and the rest will happen here in Baltimore, you know, it's been interesting for me because I feel like I said, I feel like I've got some intellectual understanding of a lot of history there and certainly have always been sympathetic to

25:51 People unlike myself. So to the black people in what they're going through and sort of some of the unfair unfair pressures that they presented with in their lives as sensitive as I can being having kids who are black has really heightened my sensitivity to that stuff. So when the stuff was going on last year in the city, I really felt like I had a very heightened sense or sensitivity to what happened to this guy and sort of the behavior of the release of presume Behavior the police and it's right thing with this guy in the degree to which this this guy's incident probably is representative of a lot of other similar incidents that go on in this city specifically a lot of the time and presumably in other cities all over the place a lot of the time as well. So I feel like with having these kids we have now.

26:51 I feel like I've got this heightened sensitivity to that I start I start thinking particular with our son.

26:59 Give me because his mail number one number two. He looks like he's going to be very big II I do find myself just thinking about that a lot, especially in light of these kinds of things. You know, what is his experience going to be as he gets older? We what if he gets to be 16 years old and he's six-foot-four and you know and what things might he be faced with so I so I find myself thinking about that and I think I'll prepare for that. So yeah for me, I think it really opened my eyes to in terms of more I need to worry about is if I don't worry about enough being --eline are his mom then this is just a whole other issue that I need to worry about in terms of when he's old enough to be out on his own or with friends and and what he might face from society at large be when they've been so small. I've worried so much about what people think of me and and how I'm taking care of them or doing their hair and I'm just worried about judgments about myself, but I think that raise my awareness about

27:59 The fact that as they age then Society will be judging them and how they carry themselves and whether they're in the wrong place at the wrong time and the fact that their skin color just makes them susceptible to suspicion which they don't deserve so that I think really

28:18 Open my eyes to what they will face that we didn't necessarily face, you know as kids. So it's just really important but it's also hard to know how to deal with it and just let them be kids cuz they're aware that we're different races, but they don't seem to think it's a big deal and basically their reaction seems to be you guys need to not worry about this like last night. We've been asked them about that too. We asked him specifically about that issue like to what degree if it all is this is this an issue for you and the fact that we're different colors and they seemed pretty lies seemed pretty adamant about the fact these issue they go to an elementary school wear it like 18 different countries are represented is one of the most of our schools in the city and I think they just see the same diversity in school that they see

29:18 At home and therefore it's not an issue.

29:31 I mean he was in a bath actually. I think it was taking a bath and he noticed he said his skin was brown and he said my skin was pink.

29:44 That was that cuz adoption is something we've always talked about. So they've always known that they're adopted but race, you know, I needed to come about as their awareness of color and difference.

29:58 Was you know developing as well. So Hazel and Eli was said, so I think it was him. He said my eyes are brown and he's like, I'm Brown all over.

30:20 So

30:22 To do any favorite stories about our kids

30:30 I think of this is hard to

30:34 The Hat I heard about individual stories me, I guess a lot of things that you just like I really enjoy stuff with Eli with the sports presents. So, you know because like I said, I like to watch sports like the place for it's so I really enjoyed we have enough flag football thing this past spring. I really enjoyed seeing him do that cuz he was really doing well at his team was doing really well at at his team won the championship last weekend and then he was really do what he did a lot of good stuff during the course of the season. And so when he would do like you would score a touchdown or something. Yeah that had the sort of standard, you know parental pride thing, like watching him running the length of the field touchdown was like so loud it was so so so there with him like just taking part in

31:27 The athletic staff also with him to like so that's like I said playing sports also following Sports and watching sports and so like he's come up with things like when we watch football games. I forget what the thing was he came out with but he came out with some he was talking about some particular type of a play or something like that or some pretty good Rule and it's asking like how do you even know about that? And he was like, yeah, they said that's what this moment you realize what they're picking up stuff all over the place. You have no idea if I can't read what it was or something like that.

31:59 Play action pass or there was some kind of thing that he needs knew what this thing was I was like, wow, how do you even know that at least one? I love watching you on the playground with Ariana because that's natural it it's natural for she and I like to play together and call her and I love that. She loves arts and crafts and dressing up like a princess and you know, I just love seeing her imagination at work, but when you're available to play with her and go on the playground and kind of follow her lead, I think it's really awesome to see that you'll to whatever she tells you to do. And I know she loves directing you and so I think that's really great to is that it is just you know, it's easier for you to do sports with Eli but you you take the time to play with Ariana as well and you're just like doing sports is not easy for me with Eli, but then I can show

32:59 How fun it is to laugh at myself and he can laugh at me and we can just have a good time and he can he's even taught me like how to throw a football better and things like that. So I love actually having time with

33:13 Aren't you in a son or daughter that has the opposite personalities as ourselves? I find that really fun.

33:32 Wow, okay.

33:42 Yeah, I guess I would hope that they

33:46 I guess I would assume getting back to this you were talking about a few minutes ago. I would assume that there will certainly be times in their life where they're going to face some kind of unfair.

33:56 Yeah, I was going to be people who are Prejudiced and that you gave her some unfairly because of that. I was really hope that that

34:06 That kind of thing is minimized whatever degree possible. Like I don't know if they don't have a lot of that. I hope that's is that that kind of thing happens to them as minimally as possible. I hope that does happen at some point that were able to provide them, you know support to assist with it. They I was really hope that they can help that they can mostly

34:31 I go through the life and be judged by the people that dealing with based on what their actual percent thing in terms of how they are really hope that I would have for them. I hope they always come to us for support. I hope that we're fostering relationships where they feel like we accept them for who they are and love them unconditionally and that has Aid, you know become older that we can we can be friends that we're really firm and set really clear limits now when they're young and the rules for everything, but I just hope in the I hope in the long run they feel like they can turn to us throughout their lives for anything and everything that they need that we were there and you know first-hand Foundation a relationship and that they always return home to us Whenever Wherever we are and wherever their lives take them.

35:32 Yeah, I would come assumed that we would probably wind up with that results. Right hope that we were at one of the results. Maybe we surely you know, we only had that experience Marcel. I mean you're certainly you're particularly close to your mother mean. She's very much of support.

35:50 For you that way I was always extremely more clothes that way to my father than to my mother. So, you know, but they both had that selves with them.

36:11 So

36:13 Anything else

36:15 So are some of the questions they're not a question.

36:20 I don't think I'd want to do this parenting Journey with anybody else. That's true. But I think that probably helps complement each other. So we bring different things to the table. So I definitely bring much more the kind of ordered structure thing to the table you bring much much more of the kind of adventurous fun things to tablespoon to balance, right so different things to the table to

36:53 To help them out. But yeah, I may get another headset from sure that every single parent would say we're not every single parent. But any decent parent would say to their kids 20 years in the future would be like if we tried hard very best. We could we really tried hard we made a pretty major effort at all times and

37:14 Screwed a bunch of stuff up people. That's what I'm so I guess I'm pregnant parent things. I feel sometimes parenting is just like I feel like you're just screwing up all the time and yet you're just trying to keep plowing your way through and you feel like you just

37:32 Yeah, you just trying to pick up the pieces from all the mistakes you're making along the way so I try to take heart in the fact that probably if you're thinking that way you're probably actually a good parent. Probably not that much. So, can you please bring up all the time? Probably don't care, I love talking to you about our family.