Stefanie Leland and Beau Leland

00:06 My name is Bo Leland. I'm 35 years old. Today's date is March 5th 2018. Where in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, and I'm talking to my wife Stephanie.

00:21 My name is Stephanie Leland. I am 37 years old hits March 5th 2018. We are in Oklahoma City and I'm talking to my husband Bo Leland.

00:38 All right.

00:40 So I think you had a question for me that I peeked. I wanted to start by asking cuz you would ask me to come here to do storycorps in my brain has been in a thousand different places. So I just was like whatever if you want to do it, let's go do it. So why are we here is my question. Why are we at storycorps today? I think you just nailed it because you said your brain is been in a thousand different places and over the past three years. We've been on this crazy journey of turning 20 acres into our dream home site. Our home place are very own home place while also starting a family and having two kids and living with my dad and

01:30 Just trying to get through the day today and setting aside time to actually reflect on what we've been doing these past three years.

01:41 That's why I've had you here today.

01:49 I mean don't you think is I mean

01:53 It's a good place to start just to sit in an isolated area where we don't have anybody else to to worry about except you and me what we what we been going through so.

02:05 3 years ago, we almost bought a house came really close to buying a house 3 days from buying a house until it all crumbled apart. We thought we were set and we know what we're going to do exactly where we were going to be.

02:21 But we had to cancel because it ended up smelling like cat pee we can do anything about it. So what was that like?

02:31 I remember that day very vividly. We were at the house with our son. He was here and a half.

02:39 And it was supposed to be this next chapter where we had small area of land right next to the house and I was going to turn that into a garden dig Garden maybe a community garden wasn't sure and just having more space to raise this child. We were in a really small house seemed even smaller just because of the layout and

03:06 It's something we've been looking for for a long time. So the day we walked in and noticed that the cat pee was not the dead cat under the house that had been removed that it was indeed 70u00b0 out and the urine so strong that I immediately got a headache and had to leave the house and I just cried on the front lawn cuz we had sold her house. We had nowhere to go and

03:33 Luckily your father called and said come move in with me. You can have the entire upstairs. And so we did spend three years. He said why don't you come come stay with me while you guys look for new house? I don't think so and it's really interesting cuz I think about it pretty regularly and that night at dinner when we first moved in and I told him we were on The Five-Year Plan to get out of his house very jokingly. And I had no idea. I thought it'd be a month or two or three years into this deal. So, why do you think why do you think we

04:11 Didn't settle on just buying another house in another neighborhood. We look for a little while. What what was it about? That wasn't how we wanted to raise our kids. We wanted them to have.

04:28 I don't know. I want our kids to grow up in the country. It's just like experiment with nature and see the way things work outside of a city. I don't know. It's just something that I had the opportunity to you as a child and it's just important to me.

04:46 So do you think we would have been happy and I'm living in a neighborhood. I look at that house. We almost moved into every time I go by your sister's house, and I'm so glad we do not live there. Yeah, so glad I mean I was right next to the highway and

05:04 Just wasn't right and we're pushing it. I think we wanted.

05:09 Something but that wasn't it. I know we're both looking for something changed something different. We both felt we needed something different.

05:19 That wasn't it.

05:21 I think what we're doing is it and I know what we are doing is what we were meant to do but

05:27 I think if we'd known what it would take we probably wouldn't have done it. Do you think we wouldn't have though, I mean it depends on the date. You asked me that sure it's been really tough. I think.

05:42 It's very it's very difficult to do that. You know, if if only if you know would we have done it differently? It's an unfair question, but it's still a natural question and

05:56 I

05:59 I'm going to take a break shirt or hat in you. I don't know if

06:04 I don't know if I would have done it differently because

06:07 I don't see myself living in a house in a neighborhood with with no yard to do anything with and

06:19 I it's really tough to to know exactly I had but sometimes it's these difficult.

06:27 Stops along the way or set of circumstances that forces you into something doing something that you wouldn't have done normally.

06:39 I mean, it's not crazy. It's just the path of least resistance will for swimming Upstream. It's not easy, but as my dad says

06:51 We're kind of being Pioneers instead of settlers and being Pioneers aren't easy to be a Pioneer if it were easy to do what we're doing. Everybody would do it how many people have we talked to and they told us all that be that's always been my dream to move out into the country and build a house and and you know buy some land or whatever people say it all the time. We would have said it for years that we just ended up in a in a house that we bought in the neighborhood and it may have been something that we never ended up doing but never dreamt about it a whole life and regretted not doing it.

07:32 So we just had

07:36 To jump off that ledge and do it and no no, go ahead. I was just going to ask you this house that you're talking about. I know about this house, but people listening to this may not know about this house. So can you tell me about this house that we're building? Yeah.

08:02 Well, we the dream originally was to build a straw bale house on our 20 acres and it was the philosophy of building a house with your own two hands and just

08:13 You know work shopping at having people out kind of building it together is a community or with like-minded people and being able to look at that by the time we're said and done with it and have a house that we built ourselves but then reality kicks in a little bit and how do you build a house with your own two hands? If you don't have a means to support yourself while you're doing it and if you have two kids that you're trying to raise and also have a home for them to be in. It's just not something that happens in the real world if you don't have kind of a support system, and we certainly have a support system for

08:55 Helping us have a place to live and take care of our kids when we need.

09:00 But

09:01 We're not independently wealthy. We had to buy this land we had to start from scratch. We had to in order to get this house built. We had to bite the bullet. I got a job weed can now afford to build a house and it hasn't gone as planned the original romantic dream of building a house with your own two hands has kind of gone the Wayside but

09:27 I'm still happy. I'm still going to I'm still going to love it.

09:35 It's it's our home that we're building and I really don't see doing it any other way.

09:40 Granted it's taking longer. And I wonder if it will be worth it. But I think doing what we're doing for the kids sake so they are going to grow up loving nature and being out in the elements.

10:00 I don't think we'll regret it and Oliver's mat for it. Every time he goes out there. I can just hear I feel like we get so much better results when we're out there with him. He just needs it. He thrives out there.

10:16 Yeah that way.

10:17 He's been.

10:19 It's been.

10:22 Well, he was a year-and-a-half when we moved out of our own home and now he's 4 lb 5 in August. So it's been a long time coming for him. And I think he's old enough now to where he understands what we're doing and he's very excited and he I mean when he tells us he wishes to be in our house. It's both very moving and gut-wrenching at the same time cuz you just be like, man. I want to be free to Buddy. What's the ultimate question the grass. So when you think you're going to be in the house what's move-in date?

10:56 Well, we'll see because we are at least doing some of it by ourselves do budget and things like that so that I think I think we'll come away from it appreciating the work we have been able to put into our home.

11:10 With our own two hands, even if it's not, you know from the ground up by our own two hands, but will at least have a house to live in before we retire.

11:28 Oh, I have a question what over the past three years has been the hardest part of this for you.

11:37 I know that's a big question.

11:42 I feel this stereotypical cliche need to just provide for the family and and have have our own home and have a place our kids can call home and and it's been a little bit complicated to living going from living with my dad to living with my mom for a short time then back to living with my dad. I know it home is where the heart is and all that but home is a kind of a loose term for us right now. I also refer to the 20 in or 20 acres where we're building the house. I refer to that is home. I've got a bookmarked on Google Maps home.

12:26 So I think just been very difficult to feel.

12:30 Displaced even though we're not out on the streets. We're still displaced and Scattered and don't have a regular routine of just having a place to call home our own home. That's been tough. It gets a little old after three years and my parents and your parents have been great at supporting us as much as they can and we've had a roof over our heads, but it still

12:57 Been very challenging and I love my dad to death. But at the end of the day, I'm a grown man with a family living in my dad's house. So it it's challenging at times.

13:11 What's been the most rewarding part of this project?

13:19 I think the most rewarding part of the process is when the process is over and we're in the house, you know to be able to I don't know what we're going to do with ourselves. Oh, I know what we're going to build. The farm right house is just the beginning. That's what I want to talk to you about.

13:40 Is your your passion?

13:44 On what we're doing out there. I mean, I I've told people in the past that everything that I'm doing this worthwhile is because of you you've gotten me interested in so many things that I probably wouldn't have ranging from chickens to to beekeeping to I don't know just eating better even

14:09 So

14:11 It's very important for me.

14:14 It's very important to me to see you thrive and I want you to have this 20 acres to kind of act out your passion.

14:28 So

14:30 Are you wanting me to tell you about what I'm doing out there or I mean, I mean, it's big it's huge in my head. It's hard to explain it and it's and I'm still trying to Define exactly what I want to do out there, but we've started

14:47 So essentially as far as the Lincoln South my baby the house is your baby. I mean I love the house, but that's your dream and the Lance my dream the house is just the roof over my head while I do my jury.

15:01 So

15:03 Why do I feel lonely and has already started? So essentially?

15:08 We're working on setting up the pollinator habitat for Monarch migration and Native pollinators. That's a big part of what I wanted to do and somehow the US fish and wildlife in the RCs working with them. I've been able to get some of that cost your programs together to where we've been able to establish a small portion of her property for pollinators, which is really a big part of what I want to do. I want it to be sustainable. I want it to be to promote wildlife and for it not to be a monoculture.

15:45 Diversity is the key and I just went to France and went to LA ferme De Beque heroin biological Farm to French Farm. Obviously permaculture is their philosophy. So

16:02 The idea is that is a closed system.

16:06 They're not quite there yet. I don't think they're working on it. But essentially they're bringing compost and getting some things from outside of the property which is fine. It's all coming from early close by but that's the vision I have for the farm is for it to be a closed system that promotes not only

16:25 Natural Wildlife but permits us a way of taking care of ourselves without having to rely on outside resources and not to be like all doom and gloom but I think it is very valuable to know how to bring your own food into take care of yourself and we've gotten really far away from that and I think it's just an important and it's it's it's the foundation for

16:52 How evolve evolve like to grow your own food to know how to I mean if your cat to to kill your own food to

17:01 Be nice to be able to take care of yourself. So the idea for the farm is just a huge vision of growing a food Forest.

17:09 That we give to you and it gives to us and it's all just one beautiful harmonious system.

17:18 We use a lot of fuel we drive a lot. That's something I'd like to

17:23 Kind of real in we've used a lot of resources to get the farm where we need need it to be on because when we bought it, it was 20 acres of trees, you know, but we're getting there we're getting to where we're going to have to ever going to be able to use less fuel to get the system to work.

17:41 So, I don't know I went I went to this farm and

17:46 I got to see it for myself only for like 45 minutes. So, you know things did not work out as planned, but I want to go back. I don't know if I ever will but allowed me the opportunity to see it first-hand to see somebody.

18:03 Working with nature and to see them so excited. They've been through a lot to have been reading the book.

18:11 Miraculous abundance and they went through a struggle like we have financially I think they might have had a little bit of it more of a boost than we've had because of their background.

18:25 So

18:27 Anyway, I got to set foot on that property and just the sing the the space.

18:34 Myself in this space and the way things were arranged in.

18:39 How you know I have a really hard time with space and same things visually and it was just a kid.

18:45 Did resource again trip.

18:48 But I I have this Vision in my head now and I had it before but now it's seems a little more macro. I don't know I saw this grand-scale and I when I was there it seemed like things were so much closer to me than I expected them to be as we're playing a closer and feel like a kid like a little kid in a candy store hours.

19:11 Digesting it all in and trying to paint it and it is too fast. I feel like I'm already losing it. What words do you have about the farm or at the farm the house? What what keeps you up at night? No, I mean nothing really keeps me up at night. I sleep pretty well. Yeah.

19:32 I think the hardest thing for me right now is to find that balance between

19:38 Raising the kids and making the farm work cuz we have an 11 month old. And today is her first day of Mother's Day out or child stay out or whatever you want to call it and I haven't had any separation from her in the last Almost year since she was born except for the one hellacious job. I took in June which made me rethink my whole career, so

20:04 Do you feel like you've got that that you're finally as as my dad would say your moment of Readiness on on cutting the cord on your video production career and focusing on the farm in Your Vision in the school that you have. I don't want to give up on the film aspect. The whole reason I got in the phone video to begin with was to do documentary film and I want to give up on that but I did not go to school for phone video to be a production manager on National commercials what you want to do with the farm. You want to you want to use film as a way to educate and and you know,

20:44 Share environmental stories in conservation stories and use it as the powerful media moves that it's become.

20:53 Do you remember when you first set foot on the 20? Yes that was wearing him. I was at least carrying him. I don't know if I was wearing him or not.

21:10 I was essentially walking with him through this very very thick forest trying to make sure he didn't get his Iced Out.

21:20 Can we walk down to the end of the back into the property or kind of clears out a little bit and was beautiful. I thought so beautiful. I have a picture in my head of you and it's a picture I took and you're just beaming because you felt like we we found our place we found our

21:42 Are 20 acres that was going to be our beginning at the same time because I think they were asking $180,000 for it and we don't have $180,000. So we offered him $100,000 and they took it and they take it and the realtor was shocked. He pretty much laughed at me when I offered $100,000 and I said well, that's what I'm offering they call me back with everything's giving it was ever a holiday though wasn't Thanksgiving in February. I think feel like we were visiting my parents. I know that there was an ice storm. That's what it was and we got there before the ice storm happened. I think we were going to go to my sisters but it hit their first in Fort Worth. And so we went to my parents instead. We just wanted to get away for the weekend.

22:31 And he called us that Sunday on the way back and told us they took our offer and was like, I'll eat my hat. That's what he should have done. But no, they're not going to take it in but they did and so it might when you look back. I mean I look through the photos and videos over the past three years and three years seems like a lot and it is a lot but really looking back from where we started. It was we've done a lot. We're building a centrally a sustainable farm from the ground up. It's not going to happen overnight.

23:08 I just

23:11 Wonder if you're as happy as you were that day you set foot on that. I just need time sure. I think that's the biggest struggle is trying to figure out how I'm going to how I am going to provide financially.

23:26 As well as how I'm going to have time to even do anything other than laundry and cook, you know and the things that just keep us.

23:35 Healthy, so that's that's the big struggle right now.

23:41 But

23:44 I think it'll happen in when I talk to pretty and she has four kids to her home and two from her husband's previous marriage and she had them both white building their form and she was super pregnant and peeling bark from trees trying to go into labor so that she wouldn't have to have a C-section at one point. I mean, she's she's quite the woman, you know, she's

24:13 This is Purina on that farm he visit and so I think talking to her gave me hope.

24:20 I know that it didn't happen overnight for her and that that's been a struggle for her. But I also realize just from hanging out with Julie my my French friend that France has a lot more support for families than we do here. They kind of step in and help.

24:39 Both parents have careers

24:42 If you have a better education system, and so I don't know if that I didn't talk to print about that. But I have a feeling that she's got a pretty good setup because both her kids were in school until she was picking him up around 5:30 or 6 the other night, so she's got some hours in the day to commit to.

25:03 Her vision out there, so right but their challenge is there two, I mean, let's not forget that Julie is not even working in France making a living where she is. So she's having to commute to Luxembourg everyday to to make ends meet so

25:24 You know their challenges everywhere.

25:27 Just got a front find our stride. That's I think that's a big part and we'll get there for sure.

25:35 What else you got? I have a question.

25:40 About how it's been to balance work.

25:43 Family, I'm building this home for you like cuz that's not been easy.

25:50 And also with having a 30 minute difference in like 30 minutes to work also another 30 minutes out her property. So like just juggling that

26:02 How's that been for you?

26:05 It's been challenging figuring out how to balance work home and building the house for sure.

26:14 It's a it's tough because I want to spend more time with you and the kids but I also want us to have a house and I know you want to spend as much time as possible with me because I mean I don't blame you by but no at the same time. I want to get us in that house. I want to get the house done. And that means I'll have to find days to to go in and you know do insulation on the weeknights after work, you know, which I did for a while or since we're going to be doing the floors ourselves. I'm going to have to find time to get that done while also being present for you and the kids so it's it's tough. It really is.

27:08 I don't know why.

27:10 I wish I knew the magic formula but I don't think there is I think the magic the thing to remember is that if I'm out there and I don't feel like I should be out there at the moment. Every little thing is frustrating me. I remember one day I was working on the insulation. And every last thing was just killing me. I mean, I was upset with every single song that would come on my playlist, you know a song that I would love any other day. Come on. I'm like you again, I hate it and you know, my jacket would be a little too tight or whatever. And so that's one you just know you need to walk away.

27:49 Then take a step back and you know what? It doesn't all have to get done tonight. Go home hang out with the kids in the family and then come back another day when you feeling refreshed and I keep that in mind has.

28:04 I think made it a little bit easier.

28:07 But it's always in the back of my head. I don't know what I'm going to dream about when I'm not dreaming about what the you know how to properly insulate a house or what method is the best way to install wood floors or

28:22 Anyting

28:24 What is your

28:27 I do have a vision of what it's going to be like out there that kind of motivation keeps you going or like the perfect day or the perfect moment out there at the 2024 Farm 20 acres to I don't know I get asked that a lot. What are you going to do that first night when you're in your own home?

28:49 I don't know. I mean I joke with the Builder and tell him that we're not going to leave for a month. You know, he told me he was deciding on how big to make the we're trying to figure out if we were going to frame in the shower walkway to enter the shower a little bit wider. I said, oh no leave it leave it wide open. He said why do you plan on like getting big and fat I said, well once this house is built where in it, I'm not going to leave ever. So yeah, I'm going to waddle around this house and however I can but because at the same time while I dream of having that house and being out there and not having anything to work on related to the house. I

29:32 Know also that I can't stand the thought of just sitting still.

29:41 We all know that I have projects you have projects to correct. Yeah, but that's okay keeps me busy. I don't know what I would do. I mean week this past weekend.

29:53 When we didn't really have anything to work on the house and we're staying at my dad's and we were already kind of getting cabin fever a little bit because he's got a backyard which is nice and front yard, which is nice, but at the same time there's nothing really to do in those yards. I mean, it's an ornamental yard and we don't have Arby's there anymore or chickens are at the property and there's no like we like the baked. We like to poop here. We like to do all kinds of we have these visions of doing things and I don't feel like I can do any of that comfortably where we are now, so you asked me what my perfect day might be a might be

30:34 Spending getting up in the morning.

30:38 Having some coffee espresso baking some bread, you know.

30:46 Just listening to some music in our own home.

30:52 Which sounds terribly Monday in probably the most people but to me, it sounds like heaven just being able to wake up in our own home turn on a record. Maybe some jazz or something make some coffee.

31:05 Bake some up something for breakfast or whatever and just exist in our own space and not have to worry about being too loud, you know or whatever, you know, my dad's been great. But at the same time our kiddo Oliver likes to run around and be crazy cuz he's 4 years old and I don't want to constantly worry about whether or not we're being too loud for other people in the house know he works from home. So that's a big deal. It's been huge Dad. Yeah, he's always home. That's my biggest thing is like trying to

31:43 Keep him.

31:45 From interfering with your dad's day today and that's the hardest and you can't really do that to four and a half year old very energetic boy. I feel like we're always been the hammer down on him. And I hate that feeling. He's so smart and so fun and yeah, I don't want to trample is Spirit. Yeah.

32:07 Oh, he just he can make fun out at Oliver can make fun out anything Dirt Pile sand pile.

32:21 Digging for dinosaur digging for dinosaur bones. He loves looking at the pond frogs making bridges over a little too dishes.

32:34 I mean anything he just and he loves to help when he's out there. He wants to help he wants to be involved. I mean he helped you plant in water.

32:44 What 50 redbud trees when he was 2 and 1/2 Oliver is meant to be outside. I mean, he hasn't stopped talking about our camping trip and that was over there at those a year-and-a-half ago. We can't he can't wait to just get out back outside, which is great. And I think the farm will be perfect for her too. And she's tough. She put up with a lot 11 months old and she just kind of goes wherever

33:16 I mean, I just took her for 7 Days in France, since you did great their only like two moments where I was like this baby needs to sleep.

33:26 And she eventually did but the rest of the time she was just happy what with the flow.

33:34 So her and Oliver very yin, and yang right now for sure. We'll see how that develops as they both get older. But yeah, I mean I want for Oliver to feel free and being his own element and he will be in his own element out there any absorbs everything. I just there's so much he can learn out there with the farm.

34:03 Yeah.

34:04 He's at the blank slate. I mean is not a blank slate but like there's so much he can take it in out there. He'll learn so much.

34:13 And that's good.

34:18 Deciding to try to buy a house how the conversation came up to move out to the how how we decided to find land instead of a house.

34:39 We already talked about it and we already talked about buying land as opposed to buying a house in town, but we thought it was like something further in the future we can afford it and we can and we still can't but we're doing it cuz we're crazy. Well, yeah so many it's so easy to just talk about doing something and we always even when we are going almost bought this other house and starting a life in this house in the city. We always had it in the back of our mind that someday we would buy some land and build a home. So

35:15 Really it. It's the obvious choice that we made was to.

35:21 You know what? We're probably never going to be in a better situation than right, then the place where we were where we had sold our house.

35:31 We sold our house we had made money on the house and we had this chunk of money sitting in the bank. Will what are we going to do with it? When we had your dad's place that was huge. Of course. We had a place to stay. So that was our Saving Grace. But when when we were driving around looking at house after house after house. Just the thought of going back into that.

36:00 That mindset of finding another house and having to deal with her Realtors and like negotiating the different things. You have to negotiate like a new air conditioning unit that just I think we just both knew it was kind of seem to remember us being in bed. And yeah, we had always driven around looking for my hand because it was always on the back of our head but in the back of her mind, but when I think we both kind of have that realization I seem to remember it being in bed and just like kind of looking each other like we we don't want to do this. We don't want to just look for another house and buy a house. We need to focus on finding some property because if we're going to fulfill this dream of buying some land and putting a house on it and in living out in the country we need to do it now.

36:53 I remember looking at that piece of property. I can't remember the street with one or the road was on but it was in between two family members and other one who could afford to buy that chunk of land from another family member and we got to be really want to be stuck in between these two family members that it really want this land and then we move in there, but you gave me a card that day.

37:17 And you're a really big cards and I can't remember exactly what it said. It was kind of like.

37:23 Essentially

37:26 We're going to get there and it's going to be okay. And so that was a moment where I was like, okay.

37:34 It's really tough right now, but it's going to get better for sure. And that was really early on in the process. I think I struggled initially because my vision was us his family in this house and maybe we'll have another kid. And so when we moved in with your dad was his long-term thing it was like we can't grow our family here because we're not around space and luckily Violet was just wonderful surprise and and happened perfect moment, and we were able to grow our family so

38:05 Turn out like your Moroccan.

38:08 You you know when times are tough.

38:12 When times are tough you pick me up.

38:17 And I feel like we've never both been at Rock Bottom at the same time because it just wouldn't work.

38:23 It's funny how that happens. How you and I do flip flop on our ups and are down and we really aren't ever there have been so many times throughout this process of building this house on our property where the easy thing would have been to give up. We we had plenty of chances to give up and just say to hell with it.

38:46 Let's let's cut our losses and

38:50 And then I'll figure something out. But you know if I was down you would say.

38:56 Dammit, we're going to figure this out and

39:00 And vice versa

39:02 So

39:05 We've definitely held each other.

39:08 Hi when the other ones been down and

39:14 I have I'm looking down at my notes here and I see that when we got married. I sat in my vows that I

39:24 That I thought we were going to do some beautiful things together.

39:28 Do you think were or were you know, it's kids a perfect children inside. Of course. Do you think we're on that path? You think will look back and be like we did some beautiful things together.

39:43 I do.

39:44 I do.

39:47 I see fruit trees all over and that just makes me really happy.

39:51 Silly things like that, you know.

39:55 Hey, what were that? You totally just reminded me of like Louis Armstrong What a Wonderful World you like I C fruit trees and you know, it's a wonderful world.

40:11 I had it I had something on the back of my mind, but I forgot. Oh, yeah. I know it was Bob Marley's Three Little Birds. Definitely got me through some of the tougher days, don't you worry about a thing?

40:24 Cuz every little thing's going to be alright it always is

40:32 Oliver and violet listening back to this afternoon.

40:43 What do you want to say to our kids and grandkids and this is for them?

40:48 It's all for them. All for them. I mean, we're not living for ourselves. So many people today are living for themselves were living for the future and I really think more people need to think about our future because we're not going to be here. Why are we leaving? So in the moment because there's

41:05 Going to be other Generations that have to deal with the mess. We've left if we leave a big ol mess. I don't know you're right. That's the pits for them.

41:16 Looking looking at what we're doing so much of it is I want to see it and it's full realization right now and it's bittersweet that we might not ever see it in its full realization, but with some luck the kids will and it's all for them. It's to take care of it because if not, it will be sustainable, but there will be some work that has to continue to go into it. That's that's the ultimate thing is not only are we doing for them? They have to have the knowledge, you know, if you teach a man to fish, you know, thank you for asking.