My dad talks about his trough of life

Description

Minghui: Have you ever experienced a trough of life? How did you get through it?


Dad: Ever since I was about 5 or 6 years old, I’ve always been baffled by a question: why are we alive? What is the meaning of life? I never really heard any of my peers talking about it, nor have I heard adults having a conversation about it, so I didn’t really think deep into it until when I went to high school. In highschool, I was very sensitive in feeling other people’s unfriendliness, it bothered me a lot that so many people are not treating each other nicely. And they were often very deceitful, too. But I was not an outspoken person, so I did not and could not do anything to change the situation, and it made me quite painful. So i started thinking about the question I’ve always wondered as a child. I had a feeling that if we just live like this— selfish and deceitful— there is no point in living. In other words I had a very pessimistic answer to that question. That was scary, wasn’t it? I was not even 20 and had such a negative view about life. So psychologically I was constantly in pain. Because of that thought, I even wanted to drop out of school and get a job, but my family strongly opposed that thought. So then I went back to school. In order to take the financial burden off my family, I decided to work hard in my academics, get in a good college, and get a good job, so my family would not have to work as hard just maintain a simple living. This means i have found a personal life goal for myself. That way I also didn’t have to be baffle by the question of what we live for. Even though that seems like getting through a trough of life, it in fact wasn’t, I was merely taking a temporary neglect to the issue. To accomplish my goal of getting into college, (at the time not many people in China attend colleges) I studied hard and eventually did get accepted into a decent university. My family felt very proud of me since going to college automatically meant succeeding in life. But deep in my heart, i wasn’t feeling as happy as they were; I still had no idea what i should live for. Back in my high school years, everyone around me cared about one thing, that is getting into an university, as if that is the only thing that mattered in life, and as if every problem would be solved with your acceptance letter. They thought they would start getting a great, easy life. In college, though, I was deeply disappointed. Everything around me did not seem too different from high school, maybe the campus was bigger, and that was it; I was still baffled by the same question that I’ve asked myself since childhood. This means that the myth of attending college was only a myth; nothing really became all the sudden beautiful. Given my experience digging down that question in high school, I decided to let it go, and decided to prepare to find a good job after graduating. Once again I chose to avoid that question and just followed what everyone else does. As I decided to focus on the short term life goals ahead of me, I put those seemingly unrealistic thoughts aside. But after I graduated from college, I didn’t get in an ideal workplace, nor was my salary very presentable. I thought, wow, attending college does not automatically make you successful; what everyone told me was merely a myth! I also did not meet my life goal of earning a lot of money to make my family live better. So i thought, maybe I will work even harder and get a better job. As much as I want to achieve that goal, not everything I hope for comes true. There were certain things that Ｉjust have no power over. For example, there were a lot of foreign-invested companies and they often earn quite a decent amount of income, so I started learning English, hoping to get a job in there. But no matter how hard I study and practice English, my skills were not improving nearly as fast as my peers. It’s then that I realized there are certain things in life you just cannot change, it was probably meant to be that way. Plus my body was not strong enough to provide me with full energy everytime I study or work, leading to my unproductiveness. I seem to have no control over my own life, so i was again feeling despair about the future. Even at such a young age, i did not feel like there was a bright path laid before me. In other words, from 5 years old to my 20s, you can say my entire life was already going through a trough. Deep inside I felt helpless and hopeless. When i was 30 years old, I was feeling the most miserable and most pressured, and so my friend introduced me into Falun Dafa by chance. Entering Falun Dafa, I was hoping to improve my health through the meditation practices and hoped that it might bring me a more successful life. However, as I get more into the practice and follow the Falun Dafa principles of being Truthful, compassionate, and tolerant, I not only noticed the dramatic improvement to my body, but more importantly, I finally understood why people come to the world for– to become more aligned with “Truthfulness, compassion, and tolerance,” and constantly be promoting your own spirituality and morals. Three years after I started studying Falun Dafa, the communist Chinese regime started a crackdown against it, the religion that gives people hope, the belief that uplifts people’s spirit, and the practice that strengthens people’s body. The Government did not care about the benefits people experienced from practicing it, they were just so afraid of a popular religion that could have the potential to threaten their political power. But why would someone who simply strives to a better person wish to get in the political game? Over the years, the chinese regime has held full control over the media, thus spreading false rumors about Falun Dafa practitioners, so I joined the others in clarifying the truth to the chinese citizens, even if that means getting arrested and harshly persecuted in labor camps. In fact, I was forced into labor camps several times in China due to my refusal to give up my my belief. But even that cannot be seen as a trough in life, because comparing to the old, ignorant me, I now know what I live for and deep down, I am no longer feeling miserable.

Participants

• Minghui Wang
  

Interview By

• Minghui Wang