“No matter what she did or how much she loved him she wasn’t able to save him”

Description

A sister shares memory of her brother one year after she found him alone in his apartment in critical condition. He passed away a few days later in the hospital after he and his family made the mutual decision to remove him from life support.

Transcript;
Who is it in relation to you who you have lost to drugs? My brother. Was it sudden or was there signs of the issue? There were lots of signs, there was a long history of drug use. How has this changed you outlook of drugs? I have more compassion for people with drug addiction, and I also am more aware of the dangers of even a little bit of drug use or, ya know, people just trying things out; how dangerous it can be. How has this affected your family? It has brought a lot of stress to my family, a lot of sadness to them. It was a lot to go through. Was there a change in personality after the drug use started? Yes. Uhm, he was somebody that was very kind, very honest and helpful and then he became somebody that would steal, lie, pretty much do whatever he needed to do to support his habit. At any cost. Has your loved one tried to get help in the past? Many times. Many rehabs, many therapists, many doctors. Did your loved one realize that there was a problem in his or her actions? Yes. When he was about sixteen, is when he realized he was addicted to heroin... when he was… full into it. Is drug use common in the family? Not really, he was the first major, well the only major drug addict in our family, but we did have alcoholism in the family. Has there been previous overdoses or other scares? Yes. He overdosed a few different times. Once, uhm.. in the bathroom. Uhm, once in his bedroom, and my mom found him and resuscitated him, and then uh at a fast food restaurant he overdosed in the bathroom and was brought back from that. What kind of actions do you think can be taken to prevent this from happening to others? I really think that talking about drugs openly and often with people, especially kids. Making sure people understand. What do you believe can be taught to children in order to inform them to not do drugs? I think children need to be taught the brutal honesty about drug use and the outcome of drug addiction and where that leads to, because I don’t think… Kids hear that drugs are bad and they shouldn’t do drugs, but I don’t think they always understand the reasons why drugs are bad and why they shouldn’t do drugs. And, what happens, or what happened with my brother, is that he tried things thinking nothing of it and that he wouldn’t become addicted and then he became a full-fledged heroin addict before ever really understanding the repercussions of it. He didn’t under..., He was too young, and didn’t realize how, ya know, all it takes is a few times and you’re addicted. Or you can overdose, or that steal from your parents. Uhm, and by the time kids fully understand what drugs can do, they’re already caught up in it. And it’s really really hard to get them out of it. Prevention is much better than teaching them later. So, even when they’re young they need to understand how much drugs can mess with your life. How bad they really are... Don’t. Don’t hide it from them. Is there anything you would want to tell people who are in a similar situation to yourself or your loved ones? I would tell them that, never give up if they’re, if the person is trying to recover from drug use or drug addiction. Uhm, don’t give up and no matter what people define you as, people might call you, ya know, not very nice things. Or, ya know just identify you as some or you behaviors when you are actively using, but you’re more than that, and there is help and you can become the person you want to be and don’t let people bring you down with what they have to say because you can overcome your past and change for the better and just take one day at a time, like they say. You have to really want it and you have to be accountable. And you have to remove anyone from your life who’s going to hold you back. And if you’re a family member of a loved one who has an addiction, just remember that you can only help that person, like they say, if they want to help themselves. And you can be there for them, you don’t have to, if you want to do tough love that’s great, but you don’t have to ever totally give up on that person because when they do want to get help, and they are ready; somebody needs to be there for them. So, you can, ya know, be there on the side for them, but you have to also put yourself first and your needs first and don’t let their addict and their behavior consume you and your life. Because you need to keep on going to work, going to school, living your life and not having it take over everything about you, and lose yourself in it. Because it’s very easy to lose yourself when you’re trying to get somebody to get help. What were the first warning signs you noticed that made you think your loved one may have an issue? Uhm, I noticed that he was, well he was in high school and I was also in high school. We were, ya know, pretty young he was fifteen or sixteen, I was eighteen. And I noticed that he was uhm nodding off, falling asleep, he was going out late at night with people. You know, not coming home when he said he was coming home. His whole demeanor just totally changed, and he looked like he was using. Then when I finally confronted him about it he told me it’s been going on for longer than I realized. And he was… unable to stop. Have people had a common reaction to your loss or has there been a multitude of reactions? I think, uh, there’s been a little bit of a multitude I’d say. I mean, people that are closest to me, you know, express their condolences and you know. Some of them knew about his history, and that he had a lot of issue both with his addiction, and physical health issues and mental health issues, kind of all went together. His drug use with those other issues. But… So, the people closest to me express their condolences, but you know it’s different when somebody you love dies after living a life of drug addiction because you don’t get the same outpouring of sympathy as you might get from other people. In fact, a good percentage of my own family members, you know aunts, uncles, cousins and relatives didn’t even come out for his services. They, you know, had other plans and they wouldn’t change them for his funeral, and you know, he was only thirty-five years old. Who has been affected most by this tragedy? I would say my mother, because she tried everything and anything to help him his entire life and, uh… you know, she probably helped it so he was alive a lot longer than he would’ve been, but unfortunately no matter what she did or how much she loved him she wasn’t able to save him. Did they ever get into any fights or arguments with family members? Yes. Uhm, he would get into fights frequently because he would lie or steal when he needed something. Or just be dishonest about what he was doing, and other times he would be accused of things he didn’t do because of his history and that would cause fights. Is there anything you wished you would have said to them? I honestly, that’s one question that I don’t… I would say no because I really was pretty open with him and friendly, not friendly but I was... I said what I wanted all the time and I was consistently there for him and he knew that. So, I tried to help him as much as I could, and he knew that I cared about him.

Participants

• Kaitlyn Shive
  

Interview By

• Kaitlyn Shive