P.R. Frank and Laura Frank

00:03 Hi, I'm p.r Frank. And I'm 49 years old. Today is Sunday, October 4th 2020. I'm in Dayton, Ohio with my life partner Lori Frank, and I know her because we grew up together and she finally fell in love with me and asked her to marry me and she did and here we are. Good morning. My name is Lori Frank. I am 48 years old. Today is Sunday, October 4th of 2020 and I too am in Dayton, Ohio with my life partner p.r Frank. And as you already know we met as children at church from youth group. Love at first sight.

00:50 Yeah, so who wants a child that story? I mean you you were an innocent bystander when we met you were just it was a very hot what September Day September so we always had our church picnic every year on September and my parents had recently divorced. So we started going to a new church and we decided to go to the church picnic and the band was playing in the pavement was admitting all of the heat that is absorbed from the day. And so I ran inside to get a like one of those old brown paper towels. I soaked it. I poke holes in it. I put it on my face. It was like 10 and

01:33 So I was sitting there listening to the band and I looked across the parking lot. And there is this beautiful brown skinned girl sitting over there.

01:45 And I fell in love.

01:52 Is that you know, I find out years later about the same time my best friend and sister were there and I like look look at that cute boy over there. He must be new.

02:02 I don't have any cute boys at church.

02:06 I was a good stand-in for that demographic. Yeah, and so we dated off and on, you know, I guess in middle school we going together. I got you when I was in Washington DC. I got a little music note necklace cuz we were the choir together. So my trip to Hawaii which was totally awesome to my aunt and I would see no talking like I was all big and I was like and I'm going with PR and my mom said, where are you going? You don't have a driver's license? You aren't even allowed to date a kind of like shrunk. I think there for a second but

02:51 Yeah.

02:53 But you know once I got the high school, you know, we are in youth group together a lot in and hung out of no, sir. Main social group is all the people from there. So we even though we went to different high schools. We knew each other better than most people at our high school. I think we spend lots of weekdays and weekends together with all the people in each other and and yeah, so we did it off and on for quite a while. I was trying to convince you that you should love me as much as I love you for a long time. However, I do remember in high school was your year to graduate and we were dating there's a great story. Go ahead. I'm proud.

03:41 All right. So there is some girl that he had met the last month of school that I knew about her friends and he last month of your senior year you do all these fun and crazy things in the evening and he met this person was talking with her. Anyway with became very evident at his graduation party that she had no idea who I was or my relationship ER that I'm as we were going together again.

04:06 And so she ran out off hurt and offended as a young teenagers and drama do and PR kind of Fleet after hair was so that was our first kind of not before I broke up with you but I like let's go on a walk to college so far away an hour away.

04:31 WeChat do a long distance relationship and actually it might have been more difficult to do a long distance relationship in the late 80s. But cuz we had to pay for a long distance phone calls and then there was no internet that we use anyway, but yeah, so I walk down the street I said it's not going to work out immediately jumped in my car.

04:53 And took off after the other one, but you called me that night. I did and my best friend put his arm around you and swoop you up for that. Summer is like yeah, she's free stupid and heal the broken wing so later. I guess I went off to Scotland for a study abroad program. And that's when you said you mailed me all these letters that I don't remember.

05:25 But at the same time it's what made you really fall in love because I wasn't there and you're like, wow, I really miss this guy who says you're telling me you left. You see, I think you had band practice at night. And the threat was that if you didn't show up you might be kicked out. So I was in the marching band College them. I just skipped out on practice because you invited me to dinner which I thought was a really nice song.

05:53 Opportunity for me to get back into your life. So we did and then from then on we dated and then got engaged to a family reunions.

06:02 That's right. You were singing a song you wrote for me and started crying in the sentimental which you never do. That's my job. I cry about everything.

06:12 I was I came to comfort you and then quickly was very surprised. I had no idea and nobody heard your answer.

06:26 So we actually have it on VHS tape or engagements and then our wedding was was amazing because you know, we all hung out with the same group of friends and they all dated one another so our wedding party was a combination of people who had dated or were currently engaged or have since broken up or have since been divorced all these different, are you at our wedding?

06:53 Yeah, yeah. Be careful by the phrase hooked up these days young people. It means something else. Okay, so I'm not saying it did or did not happen the way the young people hooked up will just keep that together.

07:09 Yeah, and even just even just in the last month to people that were in our wedding party have got together cuz they got divorced and now they're like hey, I know you because you know my siblings and you all my life. So it's even still happening people and our late forties people are finding unions from our Union back in the 90s.

07:36 Okay, so that's a good history of us and then we had some kids are all grown up now.

07:51 So like as you're growing up, what did you want to do? Well, originally I wanted to be a marine biologist. But because I watch some movie about a marine biologist just being a person who kind of swing around with the dolphins just kind of what I want to do when I feel like figured out that's not what they do all day. Really the most amazing thing is that I never liked school ever and in high school. I had a situation where I hurt my ankle wasn't able to take regular gym, but had to take it and so I was given this opportunity to do a mentoring program with a student from the mentally are the MH mostly handicap unit.

08:44 And little did I know that totally changed my life but working with students with disabilities and just saying they're staying with other motivation and their Joy like I was like the zip is what I want to do. I want to I want to be a teacher until like everything from that point on you. No babysitting working at daycares in college working at I am United Cerebral Palsy. He's after school program, which I'd never done before everything from that point on little I don't think I've done anything that's not education-based since that time. So

09:22 About you

09:24 Well, I don't know. I don't know that I ever knew what I wanted to be.

09:30 I think if I look back at what I was doing with myself as a young person, maybe I should have followed that cuz all I did like all I did was mess around with cameras and audio equipment and video equipment, right and lo and behold it's what I teach now, but I didn't go to school for that.

09:53 I just a mole. I've always been interested. Like I couldn't contain the excitement at age 10 when my mother got me a a professional level audio recorder for my birthday with hot with an external microphone and it was amazing. So

10:11 If I paid attention to that paid attention to how many hours I spent in the basement with my dad's over-the-shoulder VHS tape video camera or all of the collections of different cameras. I had from 1:10 cameras to Polaroid cameras to

10:29 2 film cameras, maybe maybe I should have guided myself toward a career in media production, but

10:39 I had a ninth grade teacher. That was a math teacher from the West Indies and I don't know the way she taught and the way she got me interested in mathematics side to I said to myself. I want to be a math teacher. So I just for the rest of my high school career. That's just why I decided and I went into that and

11:01 It's interesting that I've taken an interesting Road.

11:06 In my career to write so

11:09 I know sometimes you're critical of the number of times. I want to change or I'm always looking for the next thing but as a creative person I'm always looking for that next opportunity. So

11:23 I've changed jobs in education. What?

11:27 9 *

11:30 I can't I don't know I have to look at my resume myself. But you know, I I started three different schools here in Dayton, which has taught me a lot about education are you know when you started school and you have to sort of figure out how you wanted to operate and how you and what the best practices are to make that school successful. It really teaches you quite a bit about

11:57 About learning when you look at that when you look at it from that perspective.

12:04 I guess one of the most valuable.

12:07 Hearts of of that career path for me was getting the opportunity to follow a group of fifth grader. So 99 start this new school in West Dayton.

12:22 And

12:24 It was like a national Charter School model. And so they trained us really well on you know, how to how to do the learning environment the classroom that sort of thing but there's this little group of kids that I didn't know. I'd have a tremendous relationship with that. I happen to follow from 5th grade to 8th grade in that school. And then when they graduated the brand new charter school starting up and I was invited to help and we wipe the Slate clean on education. Is that how will you do it differently? And we did a lot of crazy cool things some work some didn't but I was also a learning experience and I got the follow that same group that same code work through 9th 10th 11th and 12th grade. So for their 5th through 12th grade experience the class of 2007.

13:14 They're still family today. I've been reading our kids are kids know their great family friends. We see him whenever they come back in town. So I'm still are in town. They have kids some of them and we have a wedding coming up. One of our kids is getting married. I just got engaged this past week. We have to get back to that story cuz I think what Tommy the most about education is just watching kids go from age 10 to age 18 & Beyond it really still informs me to this day about curriculum in scope and sequence for kids was really long-winded way to say.

14:04 What I want to do when I grow up I think about like, you know, first of all, I never thought I'd be a teacher I hated school. It wasn't until high school is like, oh I'm going to be an adult and this is going to be my life and I better be prepared. And so I kind of buckle down but it was in college when I knew what I wanted to do, but I went into teaching and then went into teaching special ed. All my training was about learning and making a connection with a child and watching enough to understand how they learn and that learning is individualized and that

14:45 Totally changed my perspective. It made me.

14:51 Wish that my childhood was different as far as how I was taught. I was learning all these different ways to learn math, which I absolutely hated in school and just like excited. Like I actually liked it for the first time. I wish I think it helps make me a better teacher because I think I understand when someone doesn't like or think they're good at something, you know, then fast forward. I'm doing Special Ed and then like we have kids we have two kids and we're not sure how we're going to you know, make it at both of us don't work. And so looking for schooling preschool whatever for them kind of fell into learning about Montessori, which is all about individualized education this very holistic grounded approach and like I fell into that and then completely fell in love and then got course to go to the same school and My Girls work that which was like heaven.

15:51 It was just amazing it transformed my way of looking at education how it could be done that it is about creating relationships with kids to really know them. They know you creating curriculum that meet somewhere they are their learning style and so learning became exciting as a teacher again for me because I was I wasn't teaching everyone the same way.

16:17 Now it's been a gift and I think it guides me today. I'm back in public school and special ed and

16:24 Those routes in Montessori with the connection in special ed have helped me to see that it is the relationships that we build and it is about individualizing. I don't know.

16:37 Yeah, definitely and I think four for my on classroom. I think having our kids Montessori informed what I do now to which is the prepared environment in a Montessori classroom. It's all about preparing the work ahead of time and individualizing that for students so that they can work through it at the Run taste as needed. And you're just a facilitator. You're not a lecture, although you do have individual as meetings with them. So it's really how I how I transformed my classroom in the past.

17:09 I don't like it's 20 years less less about lecture and more about all right, here's where you can find everything go, you know, and then I gives me a chance to sit with them in and help them individually and really differentiate a group of Learners. You know, you are you are not the, you know the peak or the Pinnacle of wisdom and knowledge. You're allowed to not know and you're allowed to say oh my God. I don't know that how can we figure that out? And so it's like you're all Learners together. I think that's more exciting. I think a lot of teachers become the kind of teachers that they were taught by you know, that didn't happen with us. You know, we were we both kind of grew up in pretty traditional Suburban schools and

17:59 We both pursue careers that threw us into urban experiences, right? I wish we both had an urban schools for most of our careers all of our careers and it's put us in a situation where we had to help students who were at risk and behind in education Inspire them to work for goals that they didn't necessarily want to achieve but we knew that were good for them that we knew would would help them in the future. Give them a step-up. It helped us embrace the culture of what is largely African American population in those schools.

18:46 And I think maybe the sea For the First Time The

18:51 The difference is in what's offered in education? You know, I went to Centerville High School and I know what I had. I don't think I appreciated it then and then working in urban schools there. The offering is not the same and so the playing fields not the same and so maybe an appreciation for the differences and trying to bring I think you talkin about her tracking the kids, you know when you worked.

19:19 And we're bringing him to competitions. I mean, I don't even talk about that, but that I was amazing.

19:25 You mean when I I took the kids to competition for the last.

19:38 Was it 11 years 13 years?

19:42 And

19:45 And what what I discovered is that when I take these kids from City Schools.

19:52 Restart behind and they don't have

19:55 You know of all the home experiences and all of the even School experiences that their Suburban counterparts have and I involve them in competitions involving media production.

20:07 They're going out there and they're beating the pants off kids with privilege. I mean if you want to put it that way that's over. That's a turn lot of people have thrown around these days. So that that to me is great achievement when I look at when I look at my career people ask me how it's going and that's the kind of stuff I talk about is that you know, I was I was able to facilitate the creativity that these kids brought with them and show them some tools and techniques to help them go out and stand up and dress and business attire in present. Well what they learned to judges that are judging

20:50 Kiss from you know

20:53 Backgrounds, that should be I guess.

20:59 You know more privileged than than what they're having but they can still compete in it. So, I mean that that's that's our kind of where my pride education comes from when I stand back and look at that career outside. I'm really happy with that with that success. I think it's important that we you know, like you talked about before that. We're just facilitators that we just listen, we just provide resources but the kids get to break that glass ceiling that box they've been in and I think that's important for them to know the borders that they have lived in or perceived imaginary lines. Those are not there if they don't

21:37 See them if they know there's a possibility reach above them that it's within their grass and I think that's huge like we that has to happen in education.

21:49 Yeah, and

21:51 So I guess the events from this this this year that is sort of put

21:58 Black lives matter movement at the Forefront you don't like with the killing of George Florida. This has all happened during the pandemic and everything and we watch that happen and

22:10 I don't know what how has

22:15 I don't know how it how has our experience with.

22:19 With young people young black people affected our reaction to that. I'm aware that as much as I don't want to be racist or whatever. You know, I have a privileged mindset I do and I have to own that but it doesn't have to

22:44 Document or lead where I have to go and so I have to be ever constantly aware of how my privilege and my experience is

22:55 Maybe make me blind to the Injustice has I love other people so I think

23:04 I just have to constantly be aware of that and I have to speak out you when it's uncomfortable. I think that we have to be Witnesses if we are not actively having the Injustice happened to us and that's part of our privileged we have to own that but we also have to then be allies and speak out to the Injustice. I think that is critical right now for free until all of us a tray of the monster. We used to have on one of our walls around here.

23:36 But I think it's something we both strongly believe in. We've always been proponents for civil rights and certainly for

23:47 Holding up the rights of of the underprivileged the underserved.

23:56 The under-recognized

23:59 You know cuz we know.

24:01 From having worked with

24:04 Populations of understeer people that you know how they can suffer because of it and also how how much more talented they are than what people give him credit for right? I think when most people there's even a statistic that says once a young black boy turns age 13, I think it is or maybe she said that they become a threat to a perceived threat

24:34 Dear white people, which is crazy. Just just because you know now they're starting to look instead of a young black boy that got nowhere. I need like a young black man and

24:48 And I'm telling you that that that perception can change and I hope it will change.

24:54 I think I crosses into all different groups of people. We're really good at you. No dividing each other up and separating each other out but there are so many groups really in our world right now that are marginalized and I think about lgbtq community and some of that who it's all hush-hush because it's not like we don't talk about this and they don't have rights and I just I feel like it is our job. It is our purpose to live more from love than hey Ya

25:32 Ibrahim X kendi, you know who wrote the book how to be an anti-racist and I've been listening to I listen to several different interviews with him on various podcast. I listen to I'm reading from the book now, but he says you're either a racist or your anti-racist and he says it's just it's it's

25:54 This is one of the other if you're not working toward IR me if you not working Against Racism.

26:00 Then you're racist because you're allowing it to happen. And so that those ideas have challenged me to really take more action than just sit back and shake my head from my house. So, you know, they're really difficult to do that though, you know what the protest and you be the two of us certainly would have been out at protest if it wasn't for covid-19.

26:27 You know, we're susceptible to the effects of covid-19 in several ways. And so we need to be more careful but cash, you know, I felt a little guilty sitting at home and watching that rather than being out there.

26:42 But I think it's made me move to read more to listen more. It made me write a lot a lot during you should talk about that. I mean that's been a huge thing for you during this time is allowing your writing to come out onto.

27:03 I wouldn't say paper although it did turn into paper cuz you made some books out of them.

27:15 Will the huge thing with the protest in the unrest and black lives matter and and listening to the news. I just kind of started feeling a little enraged about the lack of understanding or the unwillingness.

27:35 To see our part in something that is ugly. It really is ugly. I know Paris talking about the book and a lot of people were reading that book that wear white and like wanting to throw it and I cuz it's not what I'm not this person. I'm not a racist, you know, and I want to say if you're uncomfortable with a conversation, there's probably something you need to look at some it alert. The reason why you're having this physical visceral reaction and it's probably something you need to look at and I myself I've had that happen, so

28:09 I'm at one of the books. I wrote was called allies aligned for justice aggravated. Sorry to act allies of mind and it's aggravating a voice for justice and everyone kept saying why don't you say fighting for justice and I said because it's the wrong visual words have meaning words have power and we are so into the whole Soldier War fight metaphor and I think this is totally different were people and so the whole armor so our visual for me was huge because it does take pending. It's not a quick reaction fight bring out your weapons and you know arm up for not going to win from this. We're not going to change if we don't tend so yeah, I came out of this for sure, but I think

29:02 I think you know My Philosophy about an argument is that it needs to be more of a discussion in the come to understanding. You know, I'm because a lot of what people

29:17 Spout that is hateful is just from ignorance and not ignorance in terms of stupidity but ignorance in terms of just not knowing just not having experienced something just not having understood someone else's perspective.

29:35 So I once again if there's that facilitator role I love to be able to facilitate a conversation, even if it's beautifully me and someone else or between who are the people that helps them see those various sides. I spent some time on Facebook at risk of Maya, I guess social profile print calling some people out and challenging some people during this time who are putting things out there on that. I feel like they don't necessarily believe they just are this doesn't come from their heart as I know them. It's just that they are listening to people that think similarly today to the way they do and so they feel

30:25 I don't feel strengthened by that. Whereas it's really a weakness when you only listen to what you thinking of right? I only listen to people like you kind of like a

30:41 It's kind of like when you breed a dog, you know, if it's a purebred dog, it's it's a week dog. But when you when you mix it on breed's at the stronger dog, and I guess that might be a bad metaphor because we were talking about pure and you know, any mixed breeds, but you know what, I mean? It's like you're you're combining things and it in taking the best DNA from all of the different characteristics of those different breeds in and putting them together to make something that is stronger. I think awareness is about having a wider scope a wider awareness, you know, we can't know everything in it unfortunate. I think our our social media is totally reinforcing this, you know, Camp mentality this group mentality and you know the formulas and Facebook and all these other social media are Bass.

31:41 Stickley design for you to see a bunch of things that align with what you think not outside of what you think.

31:49 And so it just kind of you know further.

31:54 Grounds into this is the right thing. You know, it's like I do want to say patriotism is bad. But if patriotism or this mobilization to a group is so strong that you stop seeing hearing listening feeling something different than you and shut down and you get into that. Do you know that warlike mindset Soldier mentality?

32:19 You can't change you can't grow you can't.

32:24 I don't know it it to me. That's the scariest thing is that if you align yourself so much with a certain group or mentality or a thought process.

32:36 You just can't see outside of it. It becomes your morality and that's scary because sometimes you will do something you would never do.

32:48 If it didn't allow you that this group was doing the right thing, you might you know cross the line you would never you know is not the right thing to do.

32:58 And it's it's it's it's caused deaths this year, you know that I think unfortunately the whole covid-19 pandemic got so politicized.

33:14 That you either on one side or the other and then

33:19 One side is causing death. And then you there the other side is suffering from that as well, you know, because if you if you believe it at the problem when you try to protect yourself and then others aren't that's still the still causing the spread is still causing issues and it it's I'm really flabbergasted that it's become a politicized issue rather than a no a factual scientific-based campaign that helps people survived it. In other countries have successfully gotten it for my covid. Yeah. Yeah.

33:57 Yeah, and it's just because of politics and and and really social media promoting some ideas that help people take a side and and stand firm.

34:12 And I think the side thing is so like I talk about words having power. I think the really that's the wrong visual because I think that it's okay to have an opinion about something but if it divides you from the person that has a different opinion you are already putting a line between that this is not something we talked about. It just is what I have to shout.

34:37 And that's a hard practice as much as like when I think about black lives matters at LGB to keep I can say it l e q community.

34:49 My fear is the same thing anybody who gets a side and starts to push for that with the mentality of fighting. It's really easy to push so hard that you again would cross the line that you know somewhere else you would never cross and that's the hard part, right? How do I stand for what I believe?

35:13 And still do it from a loving learning evolving position that brings about change without devastating killing another I think and is social media makes it very easy to hide behind that and not look someone in the eyes, right and this has happened a few times where I'll see people on social media saying things and I just I have to say something but if I get involved in that conversation online, sometimes it doesn't go well and so I try that try to have a conversation sometimes it's gone. Well, sometimes it hasn't and then I will go and I would just call that person. I don't say hey person that I know and I love you are saying this and I I must argue let's have a conversation about this and then when we hear each other's voices the different story.

36:06 I think we have to remember that where people remember the connection. I think that there's so many times in my head or talking to another person I can get all revved up and angry about this person is choice. They made this decision this opinion they had right but when I physically go see them or talk to them like you said and look at them and hear their thought processes. Like I may not totally agree, but I totally see where you're coming from and it's so hard to be hateful then so hard to be hard.

36:40 Hard-pressed or judgmental about it not say you don't hope for something different. But yeah, I think that's huge.

36:49 Yeah, and then as educators.

36:53 You know, all we can do is blow wind always blow wind in the sails of our students and hope that the they take control of the rudder and a way that

37:06 And it was helpful to society.

37:08 But I know I guess that's all we can do is just like with her own children, you know.

37:14 Yeah, I think raise them up in a certain way that that we believe is helpful to society and be helpful to them so they can go and be successful upstanding citizens, but then that they're off now they're all doing their own thing and making their own choices or as a parent. It's not about you. It's not about pushing your filter your experience or whatever on them. It's about letting them see who they are the 2 power the to life if they hold and I think that is that is your job. It is not to make little use in the world. That thing can do like you I think kehillah Quran has a whole poem about that. They come

38:01 Yeah, they can maybe come from you or whatever, but they're not yours. They don't they're their focus their goal. Their life's purpose. They're calling is not yours and you can't make it yours and you can't live through there's so I think that's huge. We have to be able to empower without letting our ego get in the way.

38:25 We got we got to do this. I really feel like even in this conversation. We have its get it's giving me something to eat.

38:37 Take away, you know we talked about the stuff all the time, but I don't think we get as in-depth cuz we think we understand the rest of each other's thoughts. And so we might move on to another topic, but I think it's been real helpful to

38:51 You know draw out of one another some things that we haven't talked about a while and guaranteed. It's going to make it into my lesson plans this week. I'm already thinking about what I'm going to do. Well, I love you. I love you, too. Can we kiss during Kobe?