Shaniah Williams and Amari Sanford

00:09 Hi, my name is Amari. I am 21 years old today is day is November 12th, 2020. I am in Atlanta, Georgia. I am with Shania and she is my wife.

00:24 Hi, my name is Shania. I am 21 years old on today's date is November 12th 2020. I'm in Atlanta Georgia time with Amari and she is my wife.

00:40 So today I want you to have a conversation about I guess Tinder and dating apps and how they are for people in our generation and for us so I how did you end up using Tinder? Like when was the first time that you use Tinder aware? There are there apps that you used before? I haven't used any apps prior to Sunday. I guess kind of like I use other social media, but I didn't use anything to try to like connect with people directly in the form of a swipe or something like that. And so I think the first time I use Tinder was like my senior year of high school in

01:31 I just got on there cuz I was bored and I wanted some friends. I want to talk to some new people and then after that I just kept using it like chaotic the on and off.

01:46 Yeah, that's kind of what brought me to Tender.

01:51 I had a similar experience. I think I used tender for the first time my senior high school as well. I distinctly remember downloading the app.

02:00 Setting up my profile and then going to like someone's party and then at the party, I'm actually somebody on Tinder and then I went and watched movies. I left the party went to watch movies at their apartment. As I was like, this is a cool way to make friends, like wow, and so my mom used to use under a couple times when I was in high school. So she like in initially introduced into the app, but I never used it until I was 18 years old and I moved to Georgia College.

02:42 And I mean like I think I had a deleted for a while to

02:50 Because of my ex-partner and I we were on there initially trying to like after my initial experience with it. We're trying to like make friends for the both of us. And so then after you like that all went to crap I deleted Tinder and I was like forget this ass, but then re-downloaded it on some I'm only stuff and I just I really just want it like a listening ear at that point, but it was crazy because at the time like that's when they created you and we put in our college emails and I was like, oh my gosh, I can talk to you non sketchy people like that's amazing.

03:34 Yeah, that was a member of Agnes. We have like orientation every year for First Years and my parents weren't they were like, they dropped me off and my stay with me for four days and they went back home your mom had to teach so I was by myself pretty much my aunt helped me but we had orientation with our pet our parents and I've always and I don't have anyone there with me and I distinctly remember someone saying parents. If you don't want your student to meet, you know, what you people don't let them download Tinder and I look around them like no one's here to stop.

04:11 Why didn't the great decision though? Yeah, I think it's a really good app. I think and now you know, we have BLK which is the other app, which is very similar to Tinder and I found that out from someone's YouTube channel or their Instagram page and I was like, maybe we should try this and see if you know, there's other people I think it's kind of interesting though because you are tender used to be an app where they are too inclusive for all people. Like I like the fact that they moved so that you can meet with college students, especially if you have a college email so you know what these people are actually in college and it doesn't take away the fact that they might be a sketchy but you know, you know that they're in college there real people are less likely to do something. That's

05:11 Write it just makes it feel like more secure like more stayed even if it I mean in the world of college, like I don't know how safe any of this is but you know, like I guess is for us like people that grew up in my guitar and where this is becoming more prominent, you know, like,

05:33 It's a brand new thing to to be able to like just hop on an adventure to meet all these people and Mike have access to like all these people and all these different things and they're just like wait what?

05:46 Yeah, I definitely I definitely like have that same kind of like take on it. So

05:55 When people ask you like how we met or when people ask you like how they can meet people on Tinder. What do you tell them?

06:07 When I when I took when I told you about how we met I think I just say like

06:15 We slept on each other and then I told him I kind of go into like how is just like telling people about you and I haven't even met you yet. You haven't you haven't text me first anything and I definitely was going to text you first and I was just like, I mean, we don't think about this girl.

06:33 It was kind of just like a weird thing. So but when I told him like how you can meet people on Tinder like I always suggest tender you because like most people I talk to are in college, but I just suggest that of course, we like safety purposes, I guess or like just to feel like you have more of like a

06:55 I don't know just yeah, just like a safe and secure place, but then I like I kind of just so you feel like make sure you're giving people like the time of day that the person I didn't expect that you and I would end up marrying each other or that I would end up falling for you or any of that like I wasn't even on there for the for that reason so like

07:17 And in on top of that like I wasn't with my I wasn't on you, even though it was if that makes sense. So, you know, I was telling you like what do you think about this girl? Like I was like hoping other people responded to me. And so when you like did like I think that makes me tell people like don't I guess it's closed off everything because like don't just close off.

07:42 I guess the people that you that you have access to just because they don't like fit your criteria right off the bat or whatever you like. Did you send her bio says something or just because like you like but this one cute picture or something like that leg actually give you the time of day in like get to know them. So you guys can have an actual organic friendship is that is Justin like

08:06 I think the problem for like people are a is that there's like you you just said it you weren't going to text me first like but it's that can't come from both sides because then you're not warming or building any form of relationship your kind of just waiting for someone else to make the first move and I think that is like a problem with how people are meeting these days is that we kind of have formed collectively as gendy to have these very interesting standards of relationship is a wormhole relationship should stay

08:46 Rather than

08:50 Taking the step for making the effort to tell the truth or to call someone first. Like you said to me like you're not put all your eggs in one basket or partner. That's interesting. I definitely a problem that people don't respond and I think another aspect of like going onto a dating app or an absent will is not everyone is going to respond because some people just know what on the app for like or they're not really invest in the app, or do you know they did it for

09:32 Moral support or out of spite or something like that. And so he that is hard to and then there are people who you don't want to hook up and that

09:42 If that's not what you're there for that it's you know, it's hard to like navigate that especially if you like somebody and they're not wanting to actually go to relationship with you.

09:56 Hey, I completely agreed that I think that

10:01 Like we all kind of

10:05 Are in this mindset is like I mean if they really want to talk to me the other Hood me up. But if all of us are thinking the same thing.

10:13 I never actually goes anywhere either right about that. We never actually end up connecting with like they're not there on purpose and it may be a good thing and maybe a bad thing but it's kind of like

10:38 Yeah.

10:39 Yeah, definitely.

10:42 Yeah, I met a lot of people on Tinder that I liked from two years ago. I had don't even know where they are. Now. I don't talk to them like they're grateful that I like found or they decided to use Tinder. Not really but I am at you and I meant for other people but I'm really grateful that I meant. I just think that a lot of people that I know they give up very quickly.

11:22 Swimming in trying to build relationships with other people may think the problem with that is because of the app and they don't you know, they don't go and let's meet up and go to the movies or something and I think that's something that's different that you and I did ask for the rest of the communicating through text messages and I think that is what made me don't want to come over like the second day that I met ya.

12:01 I also think like like

12:03 Because how we not gone each other's numbers. I feel like you would have still ended up coming over but like getting off the app get basically like gave him a room because nine times out of ten had we stayed on that. I would have responded like weeks later or something like that. You know, the guy wasn't like consistently on it ever. So but then you saying like, you know, like let's hang out. That was the first time somebody really was trying to actually like hang out and like I felt more comfortable one because I saw you in to Agnes Scott with I had I guess you just found out about cuz I was trying to figure out what a s cement on Tinder for your little little box. So I looked it up and like I found out like where you wearing said you would do miles away and I was like, oh my gosh like

12:56 This is entirely accessible and I have a car like, you know, like I can't wait to like go and like especially because I was in there really like low stayed at that point. So I really was just like looking forward to connect with with like different people than what I had been dealing with her my whole life because we grew up around the same people being in your middle high school. So I think I think I was right. I think I was like a very vital stud without a doubt even like for a reason to come over like we decided you were coming over so we could cuddle and that's like all we decided about it wasn't like code anything like we meant that like we wanted to watch movies and cuddle and like that is great in itself, but like

13:46 I mean, I think the only thing you have to worry about it like how sketchy that is. I mean before we got in my bed, you ask me like you're not going to murder me are you and I was looking at you like girls. Why would I do that? But yeah, I definitely definitely have I do stuff and then I mean Dallas everything else like I just wanted to keep seeing you so

14:10 Yeah, even like even when we went to California for the for the summer and you were trying to make friends on Tinder. What do you think was the difference cuz I know that you struggled with like

14:23 Not making friends but like the app to strengthen your relationship with them and you end up not talking to them. So like what do you think the difference was between?

14:34 California and Georgia in terms of who you are going to communicate with.

14:41 I think in Georgia.

14:44 I had last time.

14:46 I still feel like I had more time because I had like a very very structured schedule. Like I was going to classroom this time at this time. I was going to work from this time this time. This is my free time. These are my off days. This is my free time. And also like I'm from hear born and raised to like if someone says like, oh, I'm from the west side. Like, I mean not to be like stereotypical anything but that makes me more skeptical like whom about that mean, you know, like you actually want to meet then vs. Like if somebody says, I'm from the Eastside, I'm like, oh I grew up on the east side. Like let's link, you know, like I went to so-and-so High School in DeKalb County and I'm like, oh my gosh, like we have to let you know talk somewhere, but

15:31 When I guess in California, the one thing I did struggle with heavily like it's a completely different vibe you like people out there. So even though I was meeting some like great people like or who I thought was great. Like I have always had issues like picking up on like the subtleties that are probably negative and I think that I was trying to keep my distance enough, so I didn't end up doing anything done while I was out there like it would suck to be 2,400 miles away from home and everybody. I know everybody I love and I'll be there with just your family and your friends and something like dumb had his ass like it's something that you guys have to worry about. You know, while we're out there like having a great time, but then also in California I didn't

16:16 I had more time to do other things but between the two of us like our schedules reduce really busy like for four classes online. The deadline is 3 hours before the normal deadline because we're in three to four hours back, you know the time zones and then working two jobs and you had your two jobs which one of them is different from my other job. And you know, like I just I don't know in that time especially being in a place where you were a bit more vulnerable because we were in your hometown in your home state where you grubbing like live your life or whatever and I was around all of your people like I feel like it was

17:02 I tried and I tried to spend more time with you. Like I tried to be out there with you in like used as a chance so I can definitely get to know you more in confirm. Like how is really feeling about you? And so I think that was kind of like the difference Plus at that point. Like I think you told me like somebody super sketchy like don't don't go for everything or just telling you the one person that I did get the number of we actually made plans, but then we ended up going on a random trip with one of your parents and then we ended up leaving like late, but then also the wedding the wedding ended up happening in that was the day that we were supposed to hang out. And so and we read you like a couple thing is going to be cute or whatever but we didn't do it and so I haven't hit her up since probably since like a month after we came back to Georgia but like that with those are kind of like my step.

18:02 I guess we're kind of far in like we need to save gas money and gas is so expensive in California.

18:16 Oh, so we got married like we got married in California, like kind of spur-of-the-moment? My my parents. I'm from California to my parents have this tradition that we go up to Lake Tahoe or in that general area like we used to go every year and so it was her first time meeting my family and I have three moms. And so we decided two of them decide to go up there around the same time like back-to-back one of my mom's rondy. She was like we went with my older brother and his girlfriend and she wouldn't you know, we're really close to Nevada or Reno. You guys should go get married you guys to witness each other in each other's weddings. Like let's go do it and we're all like we all like to look at him in the back of the car. No, we're not doing that.

19:16 So then we go back home like a couple days later we go back to Tahoe and it comes up again with a different mom or like maybe we should talk about this like why not and Shania is Mom. We'd like to talk to talk to her. Mom really has the right thing to do like my

19:42 My parents are never really met anybody that I have ever dated before because my parents are crazy in my opinion.

19:50 What are not imply I never tried to like intertwine my outside of my home relationships and so my biological mother met and like love her when you only loved her and nobody else that I've ever introduced her to and my mom was.

20:09 She gave me a kiss on my cheek before we left. We were thinking maybe we should get married so that we could be there for that.

20:30 And then like we are kind of standing like on the Pier One Day at the lake and we are kind of just like like how realistic is is like, is it something you know, we're ready for the best such a big step by best such a huge that and like nobody that like, none of my people out here are my mom's only child like nobody's here for me. You know that.

20:55 But I think that one thing we've kind of

21:00 I guess like we like our initial connection was in just about our conversation in like about the physical aspects at all. Like we definitely bonded like spiritually first and I don't mean like really do see I mean like seriously as in like we were like reaching each other Souls before anything else. And so I think like we knew what are in going from John, but of course at what 19 years old, like that's not something that were trying to like think about right? I've been like I'm trying to finish undergrad.

21:36 But I think that we just knew that like art Ingles going to be we're going to be partners. Like I want you to be my life partner. I'm not doing this crap with anybody else. Like I simply don't want to you know, and I think like having a realization and then being able to stay like

21:57 Everybody else, you know, like other people's opinions don't don't matter. So what you're 19, so what you're you know gay. So what you're you can barely keep up with your dude right now. So what year in undergrad like so what your family's traditional and they don't want to hear the gay thing or the fact that you're getting married at this young age. Like nobody like Carrie they do care but like that's not for me to care about because guess what I love you like and it's the simple fact, you know, and like because of like How Deeply like a router it was even though it took such a short amount of time to get that D. He's like, I think that was something that we just decided like we look at each other when you're just like ya like

22:44 Is were doing like yeah, this is already doing you know, and like once you confirmed it like I think we were like all you're really just excited for it. And I think telling people about it is also my siblings and they all like a shock and they need their shocked faces and a green Ivory was like, oh my God, it was really great. And I think it was hilarious because I kind of like ceremony they even down to the fact that my job catered like I went to work and you know, we got food like we bought our rings in the mall that I worked at. It was where we bought our outfits.

23:43 This is very silly to me. And so it's kind of like that is what I think of when I think of someone getting married at like 19 20 years old. I was going to throw like I can get like a really expensive wedding dress. Like I mean, I'm I'm looking at the dress. I wear right now, you know, it's the basic like $20 and you know, another very interesting thing about this is like we hadn't even known each other in China year yet. It had been six months since we've officially been in a relationship. And so I just think that's very interesting and I think like that is why I do support people using Tinder, you know, like you can actually meet some amazing people and you don't have to be looking for like a romantic relationship, you know.

24:35 We both have made friends in the past month that are platonic and like that came from

24:45 I just think that it's like really great to be able to one day. Tell our children. Oh, yeah, we met on Tinder lately.

24:54 Like some form of like web communication we meet in person that you know, we didn't go because because you and I met on Tinder like it's giving me sore Inner Circle like a chance like actually get on there too and see what they can find. Like. I mean like Ty that's my best friend. Like I was like, you know, you should try it like just get on their girlfriend in like they just proposed to each other like that is so beautiful to me like that is so beautiful to me that I can act like a sketchy at can just you know, like bring people together in like such a beautiful way even if it is like

25:41 Yeah, I think also just like

25:48 He's moving away from Tinder. Like I think it's just really great. How

25:53 Basic are like just being what you mean. You people especially during this time. Like I feel like right now he's at where we can meet people are really helping because I mean we've been in the house for a really long time and we've been distancing ourselves from a lot of people. We haven't seen all of our friends. We haven't you know, so it's it's nice to and like being in school right now is really hard. So it's nice to like get a break and go hang out with someone new or you know, like

26:26 Meet somebody new in form that connection over like FaceTiming your text message and hopefully one day we'll see them when I will get so I'm not every day that I've been talking to for the past six months. So it's just nice to be able to like have difference in my life right now to change and really grasping that experiences with like, you know being on other media is now trying to meet new people. Like I haven't really had much luck meeting people that

27:13 I like actually would like to continue talking to her like

27:18 I feel like I'm in the same boat as like a lot of our friends were in with tender. Do you know like it's it's kind of interesting to see like, okay, maybe it's because now like I'm sitting here like looking for new people to talk to you know, where is before I wasn't looking for anything. I was just on there because I was on there, you know, and you fell into my lap like and so is it I think now I just kind of interesting because you know, like there can be two different people like, you know, we have two completely different experiences like on the same app, you know in

28:00 I guess you just trying to.

28:03 Like Escape that kind of like boxes like this is what I'm looking for, you know, it's kind of like difficult to sew in tight. Like it can be like a really positive things you actually find people but then you can be you can start to feel more like blah when you know, you don't really find anybody and that's you know, your whole purpose is going on there and now two months later. I'm still think you're hardly anyone that I've met new that's like, you know with really

28:33 I don't know trying to continue with I think it's interesting. But I remember when I first started like using be okay to like meet other people. I like was talking to like multiple people throughout the day, but then like slowly as the week went on like a stop speak to talk to each other anymore, and I'm not really interested in trying to find more connections with people.

29:15 Cuz it's kind of time consuming and raining in a Scentsy now.

29:19 Yeah, it's also interesting because I think that has a lot to do with like Archie characters like you do get drained by like other people. I like trying to check the notifications and stuff and like to see far as finding just so just like oh my gosh, you know like what you guys even doing in like there be like

29:47 I don't know. I'd rather find one one or two people, you know, but

29:54 Song like I don't I haven't yet had a chance to like let all those other people with more people are coming. I mean, I don't either but you know like to be able to talk but then like I'm someone that longs for like

30:19 Like deep Connection in like like genuineness and like long-lasting things. Like I hate temporary super temporary things, you know, so tell me about to talk to each other about how y'all first met.

30:35 I mean you talk about, you know meeting and swiping and who's going to reach out to who but just the act the actual meeting and stocking.

30:46 So well, so we decided.

30:58 Well, I think that I'm kind of surprised that I agreed to like meet with you.

31:09 The day that I did it was like my mom was leaving me. I had like a migraine and I had made plans to go out and then like I kind of just let me see what you're doing tonight. You know, like I'm like you said previously I get drained my people so going out was not really what I was interested in doing. So the fact that you will like okay with me coming over and I like spending the night was like grapes that we have something new to do, you know, it's been a hectic two weeks and I just not having it and so

31:46 I remember not knowing anything about where he was going getting an Uber and I think it was like 8:45 and I like went to your apartment and I didn't you and you gave me the directions and I completely ignored them. I had no idea where I was and I remember my driver she went around like the back side and then you came out and we're like trying to figure out where you were and she's like, well, I'm not going to leave you because I don't see who you're meeting and I don't want anything to happen to you. So I'm going to wait until like I know that you have met so that was really sweet of her to do. So now I remember I finally saw you and you were so much shorter than I thought.

32:41 I had just had someone over it like literally 15-20 minutes before you and like it was a man and I was like, I don't know we were just vibing and chilling and stuff and then I was kind of

33:07 But I was like more nervous about like the meeting you part because of like how we hit it off when we were texting. But then also like we said you were coming over to cuddle and I never liked had physical contact with someone like like that like right off that you know, that that's something that's like cuddling for me like super into me. So I was like, okay like, you know, this is a new experience, especially with this like woman like, you know, and so I was like, all right, so like he leaves or whatever. I'm on the way and then like my heart is racing like what is it me like I don't I hope she doesn't like you don't like I hope you like my awful roommates. Don't do something or you know, like something doesn't you know, go wrong. I know who my room smells good like, you know, like stuff like that. I didn't want you to come in and be like

34:07 When I came down the stairs.

34:12 And I saw the white car. I was like, okay that must be here. So I was just like

34:24 I don't know. I'm just going to stay here and wait and then you got off the car. You had none like you have like colorful hair and I was like that's interesting and my oh my gosh, you look like is it like

34:38 You look like sza and I was like if I didn't tell you that yet I waited till we got upstairs, but I don't know. I think I think like when I saw you, I don't really know what to expect but I didn't have any expectations because most of your pictures on your Nintendo your face was covered in so when I saw you I was like, oh my God, I didn't quite get you like observe you into we were upstairs and sitting on my floor and like actually, I mean not really interacting and I was like watch your step because there's one said that I'd all the others know you grabbed my hand instead.

35:37 That was funny. I also I remember distinctly remember you wearing your Panda socks that you have with like that. The toes are pandas in the rest are like rainbow why you waiting like a white shirt those pink shorts that you have like the yellow things on them in your pants or slacks knows what is going on with my pajamas me like my loungewear now I do because you made me more comfortable to do that. But you know, like my parents are not like that. I like I would always dressed and my friend I was in my Ross date like yeah, I'm going to come into my room was like my own utilities like that was like really likes the socks. Now, I really liked that like our first interaction at even though like I wasn't talking that much.

36:37 Because I don't talk that much. Normally this is using the most I talked before really but I you know, I like I really enjoyed just kind of hang out with you and it was just like a nice change of scenery for me. I've been in my dorm with you know someone else for ever and it was really tiresome to the same thing. And so it was nice to have an environment and then I'm really grateful that we hit it off because after that like was that your pregnant all the time, but I don't know me like ox or anything like that. I don't know who came I music for like other people because I'm always the one I was always different with the car. So I was like, oh my gosh, like maybe she'll think my music.

37:37 Like this sort of like mystery like to you that really like when she's drawing in at like every second and I was just like, okay like I have to figure this girl out. And so that's that's really what mean you won't like keep wanting to over plus. You're really like on the Same by like we were like we were really like here the whole time and that was like not that wasn't something that I had encountered before either would like my previous Partners. So it was very

38:09 Yeah, I don't know I opening. Yeah, I definitely think that was like that was like something for me as I catch a like we're actually connecting or like a different not just like physically or like emotionally and mentally look like I feel like they are definitely the deeper connection and I I think it's interesting cuz I remember that time when we were in your room and we're just like looking at each other, you know, I don't remember what you got what she was going to be like this you guys just like we just we just caught each other's eyes. I said, I think that's yeah. I was great. But I just I'm very grateful that we have that connection is past what is understood by ourselves. In other people comes in handy.

39:09 Definitely definitely makes it like worse. I don't know like instead of like treating this marriage like some BS because we're so young and Mike were actually still girlfriend or something. Like it makes it like so worth like fighting for it because of like what we do. It's our relationship off of in like are like the core of our relationship Still Remains, even when there's all this other crap going on all these other developments happening, you know, all these other things like at the end of the day like we know we came from and then we know how you ended up in the beginning and we know like essentially what we really really want to be not putting any limiting factors on it, but you know like

39:54 We know like how strong our love is in like what that actually means for us. So