Simone Woods and Diamond Howard

00:00 8 is October 14th 2020. I'm talking to you guys from Chicago, Illinois. And today I'm having a conversation with my sister friend Diamond Howard. Hello everyone. My name is Diamond Howard. I am 29 years old. Today is October 14th of 2020. I'm coming to you live from Chicago, Illinois today. I will be talking to my sister friend Simone.

00:30 Awesome. All right, so I guess we should start talkin then Diamond. So how did we first meet? And what is your first memory of me? So we first met at church. I think I was maybe about 12 or 13 somewhere in that age range. I don't know exactly like when we we became like close and intimate and have started having conversations, but I have met you before we got close, but my phone is memory of you. Of course, it's associated with money does not like money when I brought you my report card in high school and I think it was one of the parties that I got straight A's and I showed you my report card just gave me like all this money and I was just so shocked and I bet they're like, I don't even think I said Thank you initially because I was just so shocked like nobody has ever liked gave me money like outside of my family for good grades.

01:30 It's so I think I said Thank you eventually in like hug you but ever since then I was like that's that's going to be my mentor that's coming. I like her. I look up to her. I want to be like that but it really sweet. What's funny is I don't remember that at all.

01:48 I don't know if it was even funnier is probably when I gave you my cuz when you are high school, I probably was like in my first actual job out of college and I probably have like $15 to my name, but hey, you know, we had a situation so you can keep getting those ass. So I'm glad you remember that is definitely something I would do. So I appreciate that memory for sure. Okay. Well, I mean definitely met we met at church. I think my first memory of you probably was I who is that like that's that's what I just kept thinking cuz I remember seeing you come there a few times and I just had never seen you before and I think I was drawn to you like in that way like who is this person? You know, she's with these people Shane looking that comfortable with these people. Let me go and see what's going on with that. So yeah.

02:48 I'm glad we met I mean, yeah, that was a bad connection 16 years later than 16 years later. And here we are telling stories about our lovely time in relationship. You know now that I think about it, I still don't remember.

03:09 Okay. Well, let's keep it moving. So, you know thinking of that how has your life been different than what you imagined if it has I think my life is different than what I imagined like growing up. I I never really knew you liked what I would want to be or what I was like going to change. I know I knew I had to be successful. I knew I had to like do something like opposite of what you know other people doing in my family. So it's like what am I going to do? I got an even like college wasn't even though nothing like some of my first conversation surrounding the college was at Prince of Peace. Like I will give out the scholarships and stuff. So then with my counselor and nominated me for like she's like you smart you can go to college so she's not making me feel like getting into a big tents.

04:09 How big of an impact that was instalike that long change my perspective of my life from that day on changing like this day is not what I imagined like the connections that I have the relationships and experiences the traveling all that is never what I could have imagined or individual and I give you no credit Seagal time and thank him for those experiences. But no, it's nothing what I thought that it would be like, I'm still shocked that this is the life that I'm living. I feel like sometimes I struggle with long hair. Is it for me? But it is yeah, I think that's how my life.

04:51 Has changed or like yeah, it just is not what I imagined and that's still like beautiful part about it cuz it's amazing. Yeah, that's what I mean thinking about that question with that like what cuz I'm like, what did I imagine that my life would be light up and when I take a moment to think about it, like when I was younger and high school and all of that, I don't even think that I had an image of what my life could be, you know, because for a long time I was just kind of like in a survival this state of mind. I was grinding then just really trying to really piss stay alive. I mean at the very basic core of what it means to be a survivalist like I was just just trying to make it from year to year. You know what I mean? Like, how am I going to get this for myself? How am I going to pay this bill or shoot? Do I need to take on more responsibility? Should I find myself up for this or that so

05:51 I think I was so focused on like just getting to somewhere that that somewhere didn't necessarily have a name or a particular place. And I mean, I knew I needed to go to college because that was that's what was instilled in me as far as like, this is a ladder from the hood, you know, not that I wanted to not be a part of the hood because that's very much a part of who I am but I did understand that being a person from an inner-city having an urban experience. There's a lot of stuff surrounding of poverty and I did not want to do that. I didn't want to live my life in a hard place, you know, so I knew I had to do something. I just didn't know what's so similarly to you when I said stand back and I look at my life now. I'm like what?

06:40 Look at the things that you can do it like it is amazing to me and awesome. Like I mean, I definitely give glory to God for that and no other you know what I mean, like just like dang girl, you kind of cold with it like that. But like all of that grinding was like dang it is leading and I would like to say that like the survivalist like, you know, and they lie like you just going like everybody looking at it looking at you like those are like mixed driving you like this what I got to do to get all like I want something different than what my parents did like and I believe we are generational Curse Breakers. So I think like just having that on our minds that like, you know in their survival in that work after it just comes out naturally.

07:39 I will reach back to with their like this is what we came out of in. This is how we know you can too and I are kind of connected because you and so like yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean I was a perfect stay awake Segway till I what's the greatest lesson you learned outside the class, I think for me my greatest lesson has always been and I consider this to be one of my life's greatest Matos is effort is everything like you just got to try you never know what you can do until you try like I was like, I actually got a lot of Straight A's in high school is well, but I went to a pretty underachieving school. So my mom was like, oh you smart for this is kind of like that Fishbowl situation right light in this little bitty boy. You can be the big dog. But once you get the college, you probably going to be a little stupid so sad.

08:39 Graduation so it don't matter if you graduate with a straight cgpa or a Jeep. It doesn't matter. So that was my lesson. It was like never-never don't make themselves. You know what I mean? Like you just never know. What you could do is until you get out there and give it a go so, you know, and that's how I feel like I've been successful in that way because I'm just tenacious like, you know, what whatever it is if I want to achieve it. Hey, let me give it a ghost and if I can't do it that's cool too. But at least I can say I have a reason to believe that I can't do it based on evidence and not just like all day and I probably can't do this like no, I'm going to go out here and go get it. You know, like they call people from Chicago Chicago get us the greatest lesson that I've learned his lesson I learned outside of I think it's a lesson that I'm still learning too.

09:40 Because I was like a nerd I don't like to say no, but I was like a person that I was into school like that. Love you.

09:50 Learning and didn't apply it in the logic of it. But one thing about me like that was all I did and so after I got out of that stage of like just doing academics and I think that was a survival mode of my trauma that I was experiencing like that perfectionism like that comes out of his own, sometimes and just trying to avoid things once I got out of that stage and I like went to college. I realize the greatest thing that I could ever like a for myself in life is to build a strong relationship. I stink like, you know, I grew up and like around very broken relationships or fracture relationship and so is so many ways like my example of what relationship was was not effective for the way the life functions are going to college and meet in June with friends and meet in genuine people by just realize how many ways their relationship open doors for you or sets the standard for your life because I feel like we're all influenced by relationship whether they're bad or good and so it's like when you have

10:50 Those good people are those good relationship like you cherish that because that help you enhance your life because those are people you build on those people share moments with those people you travel with and it just becomes a lifetime of expansion and it is with people like I believe God desire a relationship for all of us and so like the fact that you know relationship is something that I see in a good way that I did not see in the Luann's a child is my greatest life lesson and I'll tell people I used to say all the time I can only do people but I'll never say that again cuz I'll do people. I love people. I just like a certain type this for my mold and I'm grateful for the people that I do have. Yeah. Yeah. That's my greatest life lessons outside the classroom. That's a good one. You want to ask a question? Cuz I am not the end.

11:39 No big deal. Okay. So yeah.

11:45 What were your thoughts and feelings when you learned about like demonstrations around in the political and racial unrest this year? So with the George Floyd Brianna Taylor, you know, we have Donald Trump is number 45 and just like all the things that have happened during his pandemic in 2020. It's been a whole lot. You know, that's a loaded question. But I guess my very simple response, you know, like you just said 2020 has been a year like no other I think it'll go down in history as one of the most interesting winding crazy highs and lows of life that I've ever experienced with a pandemic like you said with the racial unrest just the spotlight on racism like it's never been spotlighted in my history of my life in these 37 years.

12:43 I think my initial feeling I felt empowered by knowing the demonstrations were happening, especially at the magnitude that they began, you know, I seen them instructions even way back when I was in elementary school. I remember when folks were protesting for Rodney King and I remember being super liked hurt by that incident, but then also not necessarily understanding what it meant for people to demonstrate in protest. But with that said like so seeing that like nothing has ever been this big right like you never known the all 50 states of the United States of America to have at least one demonstration. So when I saw that like it really did make me weep like butt

13:36 Like it was kind like a bitter sweet thing like really sad that we had to be having those demonstration in 2020. Yeah, but also kind of like a rejoicing like to see

13:52 People just all sorts of people coming together to finally stand up and say this ain't right in this can't keep happening. You know. Yeah, and I loved the like fervor and Howard just kept going. It wasn't just like here's a demonstration and now we're done, you know, it was like stuff is jumping off people are asking and calling it hold them folks accountable and we see statues being taken down and you know a push to talk about indigenous people day versus Christopher Columbus Day, like so bad feels like positive movement at my car though. I I cannot say that I don't still feel incredible sorrow for the fact that we still have to demonstrate in this way. But I do also feel at least a kernel of like hole and rejoicing about the fact that folks are involved and invested so

14:52 Yeah.

14:54 Yeah, I think you horny a lot of elements that I also hear that have parallels feelings with I think cuz I would like I'm trying to think now that you said like, you know when Rodney King like when those like protest and stuff was going on. I probably was like five or six six seven eight somewhere in that range. And so like nothing was like really relevant to me the biggest like National like disaster that I remember happening that affected me was 9/11 and so in my mind everything that I goes on National perspective, I compared the 9/11 reactions. I can do your hair like empathy sympathy how people feel excetera to that thing because that was a moment then I ripped that I realize that I world was not perfect like my bad stuff happens to people are yes, I knew about like police brutality because it was something that you know, I seen firsthand grown up but like everything is always kind of in that lends to me. So when I say

15:54 A man, you know being murdered murdered on television as if I saw the planes run into the building and I don't see the same outcry like I'm hurt because like where's the outcry? Why is it not a unanimous like this is wrong just as if it was a unanimous this is wrong in 911 is so that part I think was the hurtful part to me, but it's like also took pride in the fact that I'm a black woman and so above anything. This is who I am. This is where I come from that could have been my uncle pride in that I take joy it like I I I hate that like, you know, the world doesn't see, you know people for who they are as a life that's worth living and so every day that I get I'm going to live that way and so when we got the opportunity to go out and participate in generation, cuz we did the Caravan one, of course with the pandemic

16:53 That was beautiful like to see people of all Races all nationalities and religions Etc. Come out and say enough is enough in the back. Like you said that we still have to say enough is enough and you know me I'm a millennial. So I fall in the generation of social media like to see in a day they would like pictures all in the nation likes of people protesting with spies. This is a movement not a monument shows like, you know, this is a marathon not a race like this shows that we know that this is not something that's going to be fixed overnight Friday. We know that this is not like a Band-Aid situation. There's a bullet wound like throughout American history.

17:43 You know there has been.

17:51 Swiss cheese through American history, but just to think all of that it just it feels like you know, there's work to do and so like I think one of my thoughts and feelings even participating in the March on Washington DC this year is like, how do I make impact like cuz it has several Spears to do that from it's not just you have to be a protester or you have to ride, you know, there's several species that we can change history and you know, God has told me like you make history by going to serve to use that you starve and so my thoughts and feelings are like in Rage, but they're also in the place of like, okay. So what do I do now to make sure that my student is not a Georgia for a my stool is not a Brianna Taylor like they're educated on like their rights are educated. Like what goes in the world in the fact that we wouldn't have to teach them like, you know to filter themselves because somebody may not see them as valuable is like a hard feelings to me to always like, you know,

18:52 Have to like see or speak to but I think it's something that's important because I don't want to keep losing my brothers and sisters. So yeah, and then you know, like I'm thinking about to like part of this too is like because there's such a there has been no, I don't want to just I don't want to keep calling it present sense because I do think we're moving in a different direction, but there has been such a devaluation of black and brown folks in this history in this country's history, you know part of the lessons that we teach the young people that we serve is keep your head up. You know what I mean? Like is beautiful you are allowed, you know, you have to take pride in that and sometimes you know, like I do have friends of other ethnicities and sometimes it does make me feel like man. I don't want my friend is the feel like they're not valuable but then it goes back to what we've been talking about, right? This is the moment that we have to uplift those who have been pushed down for so long. So this is not ever

19:52 One else's moment. This is our moment. This is people of colors moment, you know, and we have to Value it as necessary and not put a cap on how proud We allow our young people to be about that black skin of that brown skin, like how we want them. I think we also got to be welcome to that to ya like you said I cry cuz at some point are the generations before us are going to go on and then we'll be left carrying the torch and then we're gone. They're going to carry the torch. So every generation has to have their Innovations in the way in which that they demonstrating. I think it's a beautiful day because we not thinking like 18 year olds, and I love that.

20:52 6 hour challenges like, you know burn yourself and stuff.

21:04 I like it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, one of the questions here says what do we realize? What do you realize you you may have taken for granted free covet by think. That's one of the things I took for granted is just people power. You know, what it means to band together what it means to be together, you know and the value in all ages. Like that's definitely something I know that I did not acknowledge in the way that I could and it's always I don't think it was in my face like that because we work with young people we get to see them be young people like they do a lot of foolish things and for the most part we standing on the adult man, just like we a lot of time studying the protective order directive roll with them.

22:04 But this is covid-19. It has shown like what can how smart Brazilian brilliant Marino look look how creative this generation is. Look what they can do like soap for me. That's definitely one of the things that I felt like I have taken for granted is just the people pow that we have in our youth particularly. Yeah, like they are part of a ship, you know, like we don't always think about them in that way, but they definitely are and I love that. You know that Lynn has been open tomorrow, you know my perspective as an open today. I went to be able to see them in that way cuz now when I go back to school it's going to be like, okay.

23:04 Has been a lot going on like it's been consistently. Okay, like it's going to be one of my better years, you know, I'm heading over to my 30s very soon in December, but I would say something that I took for granted Creek obit is just the Gathering of people We Gather everywhere we go. So we gather when we go to church together when we're at Work We Gather like when we had a family engagement We Gather so many experiencing like conversations and discussions happened during that time and and kowitt. I found myself having them discussed by myself a drug test within a lot like, you know, you have a lot of time so something I would say that I took for granted me sounds like she has conversations taking on those moments taking those causes cuz I'm always on the go always trying to make sure my family did my friends didn't do it. So a lot of times I don't take a lot of me.

24:04 And so I think you know that's something I did take for granted that yeah, I would change in the future. But I also took for granted Gathering cuz it's like it's times I didn't show up you like I'm too tired of this is that but like I won't do that again for the people I care about all show up because I realized through this year like no life is so short, you know, the reason why he's a passing shower.

24:31 Do you know who really text me and then I recently lost my cousin and so it's just like, you know, I think like we take it for granite like another day off tonight because why is used to plan it for tomorrow? I'll do this tomorrow and we don't value so much of today. So yeah, that's something that I think we all take for gas. So the next time that I get the opportunity to do that on a regular, I'll make sure like, I value moments that I gather with people spend time in Chile speak in Chile give hug and tell her we plant seeds because you never know like you know how that shifted somebody like cuz it's a reflect and I look back and I know the wrong times I think about what somebody said to me was Simone messy, but my sister said snakes that are like knows all things that make me who I am and so like, you know their hands who I am and so yeah, I think that's something that two things that I've taken for granted. Covid-19 that I've learned I guess kinda sorta think of it. But yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah all of that.

25:31 And you know too late by just I take I think I took for granted being able to quickly do a thing right like oh my goodness by why is it supposed to do is go get some Wingstop. I remember pulling up to a Wingstop like before we had before Chicago open back up. So I space for purple. I don't even know when phase 4 by Chicago is acting like we are we going to let there be another job. But before I went to the door of a Wingstop and I was like, I know I can't go in there and stay but at least I can go place my order inside wait for it in my car and pick it up. I went to three Wingstop's this day because on the first one it was like you you can only order through the app or online.

26:31 I want to wait 20 minutes to order online and I'm in the parking lot by my maybe it's just this one. I wanted to more Wingstop San Jose and I literally I'm like, I'm about to cry I just woke up but like so like things like that. Where was like man time is of the essence and that don't mean a lot to you when you can just like go do your thing. But like I'm like, I just need to do the next thing I'm trying to do. But yeah, I think I know for sure. I definitely took the ability to just quickly do a thing for granted and now, you know a person like myself who operates most of the time on you know, 5 minutes late is on.

27:31 Time, you know, I got to do better with that that preparedness and just being able to I'm still kind of not liking that for sure cuz I like to be right on time. Like if it start at 8, I want to be there at eight, you know, but you know me and I don't even know how it goes. That's been 15 minutes early. You just said that but I have many things about time management because I feel like it just like a scatter life because home life is work life and dislike. Is that like everything?

28:31 Learning the balance of that just so much connectivity like bones so much like Zoom so much Electronics.

28:43 Millennial cuz they like you should be comfortable with this. I'm like you remember when I first started on the computer like we used to use floppy disks. I'm not that comfortable. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

28:59 Play yeah, so yeah, definitely technology. That's one thing. I'm leaving it right, but when is the winter storm for us to be able to come back together? I'm going to decals that can be my first order of business people going to be like, hey, you know, I miss you to do right now. You want me to come over or call me right now?

29:30 The only conversation we had on this planet and I'll be there. So what do you think necessary this year? Yeah, I guess call you 20 men in the pandemic all of the above all of the above roller coaster. I feel like I'm going to Six Flags at the Raging Bull like when it's going out to eat cuz the Raging Bull is smooth 2020 been like the eagles only support you got in that little lap bar, but not really you might be staying but you might be safe.

30:30 So that's kind of what unit would be best. But my word for the year every year me and Simone and some of the year was holding it and like it was a lot of it was based on a lot of internal work that I had to do. What needed to do you like with therapy and just like, you know some healing conversations that I used to have with myself from those that I needed to re-inspire. We ignite and work towards and so that's what's been happening like despite the pandemic like, you know, I really actually just got my paperwork to submit for my clinical exam. So I'm going to do that soon. I'm searching for houses for income property. So I'm working on that go digging up like books and book titles and blogs and you know, you're that I want to make a call that who sings You're activated. So I want to keep that driving. Please have a nation to know that like my goals have value and I can work towards like all you can do is try sometimes.

31:30 I think that's the journey to wholeness like we're always going to have like blotches and empty spaces like within us like Hitler no spaces what time is like the best thing you could do not feel like this year. I was just found so much stuff Acceptance Insurance. Like it's okay things are not perfect. Things are not like always going to go your way things don't have to be black and white every time but know that you're resilient enough to get through it. Just as you were when you were young just as you are now. Also, I feel like you know because I'm about to be 30, like I have to have these lights termination out with me and I'm saying goodbye you notes imposter syndrome fiorinal how to make you like doubt the potential that you have cuz that keeps you boxes and he wants to live a boxing life. Not me. I work too hard for this. We just talked about that the beginning of this conversation like I'm no longer in survival mode.

32:31 Simone that I'm in and so I think yeah that would be so I'm taking also I'm not like an avid book reader but I read three books during the pandemic papers not like listening like papers and stuff like that because like yeah, I didn't read any books you spell on myself with that. So I think that's what I remember that like in all the process of like life and living and doing all the things that we think the fellows don't forget to feel yourself as well. Yeah, like you said I'm doing the word for the year. My word was planted and especially to me what that's all about is being being able to be set in a place being steadfast not being moved or shaken by.

33:31 Things that come but just giving myself an opportunity to grow into into things, you know, like even if the space feels too big at some point if I keep nourishing myself if I stay still, you know, all of that stuff will eventually grow and I will be able to fill that space and advanced out and also, you know, like one of my favorite metaphors of Life are plants. I just love that whole process of how a seed starts goes underground experiences. All of these things is an ultimately ends up this beautiful tree or flower or fruit bearing tree or whatever that is and whatever the outcome of that seed is is able to produce things for something else right? I'm going to continue the cycle of life. So that's the way that I've been thinking about myself too. I recently started thinking a lot about this word of enterprising which is exactly what you talkin about.

34:31 I like just being in a space where I'm using these thoughts and these ideas that I have to make Revenue to build business to take my ideas into reality and not just being a person. I got a whole bunch of I didn't you know, like we always got lots of ideas but we also can monetize the things that we can do. So, I've also been spending a lot of time thinking through what my next steps are as far as what I'm going to do to continue to build opportunities for generational wealth for my family and that's important. Also that need to be just like that story talk about them being able to have like you said join their self work. I think the biggest thing and I'm going to take from the pandemic the lessons that I learned is that you have to create space for yourself, you know, you are and

35:31 You are valuable. It is necessary to take intentional and deliberate time to feel yourself up. You know, we are social worker. So of course, we are therapy Advocates, but even if I wasn't a social worker a black girl with trauma and a whole hell of a life of shi fill in the blank, you know, this is bad. This isn't necessary thing a necessary thing to do and I'll talk about it to people all the time as investment in self and who better to invest in that yourself. That's what it's about. And I think that for me that's the biggest lesson. I'm going to take that investment itself and creating a space for me, you know, cuz I'm just busy I'm still busy even in the pandemic even though I got to just go from one computer screen to the next I'm busy busy busy, but still in that being able to make space for myself and know that I'm worth that. Yeah, and if I want to be anything anybody else I got to have space for myself. So yeah.

36:31 That's my lesson. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's essential. Yeah, maybe that's our parting words because we both just said it like you not only because bad things happen just like in general like it's so important to do the work self-evaluation to self xplorations back because so many images social media stage the our parents excetera be this person be that but like you have to be who you genuinely want to because that's what the world needs because anything else is something that you're forcing the final purpose of ya know thyself device elf.

37:16 Set by then. I wouldn't call that. Yeah, if not, if you if there's nothing else that came out of this conversation. I think that's a good reminder for us and even everybody that's listening, you know, take the time to get to know you and get comfortable big get comfortable with being you and don't be afraid of being or a don't be afraid of letting people see the new you like if they can't understand the new you maybe they not meant for that station. Like if they can't understand the new you so

37:50 Because she tell me that I'm like, okay cuz you know, I got like a bigger heart.

38:00 It's about 2 but no everyone. Thank you for joining us in our conversation. We hope you enjoyed this and yeah, welcome to the sister friend.

38:25 Peace and blessings