"It just kind of clicked in my head for me, this is the smell of beer, that's what my uncle smells like" by Emalia Sothman

Description

Emmy:
Hello. So I'm interviewing
MyKenzi:
MyKenzi Walker
Emmy:
So who was the person misusing drugs or alcohol in your family?
MyKenzi:
So my uncle on my mom's side was abusing alcohol for as long as I can remember, I think since I've been born.
Emmy:
Did that affect how you and your family thought about him or the relationships that you guys had?
MyKenzi:
Yeah, so we kind of like nowadays more so on my dad's side we kind of just think of him as a drunk. There was one time when he was staying with us and he had just passed out in front of everyone with a case of beer in his hand and he just passed out face first on the ground. So we didn't really see him that much after that.
Emmy:
Did they ever lie about their addiction to anybody in the family
MyKenzi:
When he was staying with us, like I previously mentioned we at least thought that he was clean, but he was just sneaking alcohol everywhere where he could
Emmy:
Did you or anyone else in the family see them misusing the alcohol?

MyKenzi:
Yeah, so when we would go over his house for easter it would always just kind of reek of alcohol and my mom would have to talk with him and then it was just, he was always just passed out on the couch and like, I was very young when this happened, so when he passed out like right in front of me as I'm trying to just be an eight year old, he passed out. I didn't really know what was going on.
Emmy:
So would you say that kind of put a new image of him in your head as a young child growing up?
MyKenzi:
Yeah definitely. It wasn't the uncle that I saw in now and it just kind of kept getting worse throughout the years like right now he's still not clean. He's just kind of getting by
Emmy:
Has he ever stole from the family to get money to go buy more alcohol?
MyKenzi:
He has asked my parents a couple of times just to spot him for money. And they didn't realize it was just to buy more beer like whatever he could get his hands on because when he moved in with us it was because he got evicted from his house because he wasn't paying his bills and I assume is part of the addiction he had.
Emmy:
How did the addiction affect your family?
MyKenzi:
So about I wanna say when I was a sophomore in high school I think, he had a stroke. So that really took a toll on my mom. He survived and everything but I went with my mom just to see him in the hospital just to like help my mom out and he couldn't even recognize like who I was and like that moment for me was like I don't like I can say by blood like yes I have an uncle but he doesn't know who I am, I don't really talk to him. Um It's just kind of, there's no relationship there at all.
Emmy:
Did he ever stop drinking after he had that stroke or he kept going?
MyKenzi:
I think he stopped for a little bit, but he was still um like smoking cigarettes, I think now he's back to drinking, he's not looking to recover anytime soon. Um But I don't think he plans on stopping for the rest of his life.
Emmy:
Um If you could take a wild guess. Um How much alcohol do you think that he would drink in a day? How many cases of beer or how many cans of beer or whatever he drank?
MyKenzi:
Uh If I had to take a guess. Um I would probably say like between one I would say like a case and a half a beer a day. Just like a 12 pack. So probably like The math is like 18. Just cans of beer. Or like if it was a six pack case and a half of a six pack, just anything. I think I don't think he has control over how much he's drinking I don't think he knows quite when to stop until he's passed out.
Emmy:
Um What was his go to drink? Did he mostly drink hard alcohol or did he just drink beer?
MyKenzi:
I think it was mainly beer um like a bud light or miller light um because that's when I think of my uncle, that's the only smell like I can remember it's just beer
Emmy:
So you being around him at a young age and being around all the alcohol affected you in such a bad way that the only like smell that you kind of remember of him is just full of alcohol.
MyKenzi:
Yeah, that's if I ever like, think of him, I can just think of walking into his house like easter morning to dye eggs, and it just had this very distinct smell and it was alcohol, but I was like, as I said, I was eight, I didn't know what beer smelled like, and then I like went to barbecues and stuff and I would smell these drinks and it just kind of clicked in my head for me like this is the smell of beer, like that's what my uncle smells like, it's just everywhere.
Emmy:
Did he have an addiction all of your life? There was never a time where he wasn't sober when you were a child, like, did you have a good relationship with him?
MyKenzi:
Um before I knew about the addiction, there was never really any kind of issue, it would just kind of be like, oh we're going to Unkie’s house today, and I was like, oh that's fun, um and we would hang out with him, but then as I started to get older it started just get worse and worse, and I think it's because um before I was born, my grandmother passed and I think that was kind of a turning point for him because my grandfather who also died before I was born died of alcoholism, so it kind of plays like hand in hand. Um it's like a gene, it's a trait that he got, and after my grandmother died um it just kind of got worse for him and it just kind of went downhill from there.
Emmy:
So how do you cope with seeing your uncle like this and you when you get older you learned more about what his addiction was and why he had it.
MyKenzi:
I try to think of the good memories that I had with him um like seeing my mom's old photo albums from when she was younger and seeing them and like pictures together and her just saying how much fun they would have um before everything happened, but um as of now I don't have a relationship with him um nor do I plan to, it's not really something I think is good for me personally, especially seeing since when I saw him um after he had the stroke, he couldn't even remember my name, let alone any of my sisters names. Um He just couldn't remember anything, so I don't think there would ever be a relationship going forward with him.
Emmy:
Um Did your uncle ever get into any fights or arguments with the family members in front of you or anything that you know of.
MyKenzi:
Yeah, so when he was staying with us, he did get into a fight with my dad about the drinking because my dad was trying to explain that it was inappropriate for him to do things like that in front of me and my sisters um because we were so young at the time and I have a brother who was in about middle school, so he was also at a very impressionable age um and he just wasn't having it that got into a fight, it was loud. Um I was just upstairs listening to it all with my sisters. Um and it got, it got kind of scary um and my dad had to kick him out of the house, so then the next day we went out of the house. Um but both my parents took all the outside the house while my uncle packed up his stuff and left.
Emmy:
Um did anyone try to help them with their addiction?
MyKenzi:
My mom, um she really tried, she still tries to like be there for him and tries to talk to him at least once once a week, I would say. Um But it's just kind of at the point where he's old enough to know better, he's in his 50s um and he should be doing things to better his health rather than shorten his lifespan, if that makes sense. Um and it's just she's tried the best that she can and there isn't really much hope left for him. Um But my mom is, she's really trying, she's holding on to that.
Emmy:
So this really affected your mom growing up and you didn't really realize how much it's affected her until you were a lot older and could realize things and you saw how bad it was hurting your mom.
MyKenzi:
Yeah my mom um she's been through a lot and my uncle is her only sibling that she has left, it's the only part um from her family that she has left and she's just kind of holding on to it um Since you know my grandfather also died from alcoholism, I think she just doesn't want to watch her brother turned into her father and go the way he did.
Emmy:
So was there anyone that helped you deal with this situation as a young kid and growing up that really helped you?
MyKenzi:
Um I guess since I was so young um my parents were just kind of hoping I'd forget about it and it would just be kind of like a faint memory in the back of my head. Um but it's still there, like I still remember it um so we just don't really talk about it too much. Um we don't really bring him up that much anymore, he's just kind of um I don't wanna say like I don't know, he's just kind of we just pretend that he's not really there if that makes sense, We don't like actively like neglect him, rushed on him or anything but he hasn't personally reached out to us so like what's the point in reaching out to him and like for me and my sister is just bringing up that memory of seeing one of our family members in such a low spot where they can't even remember who we are or what they did last night or the time that they passed out in front of us, we just don't really want to bring it up. We don't really talk about him or what he's doing at all anymore.
Emmy:
Yeah so that must have been really hard for you and your family to go through and tried to learn to cope with it. But do you wish there was anything that you would have said or could have said to him that you didn't because you were so young or you just didn't want to get involved?
MyKenzi:
Um I wish I just hug him a little more I guess. Um I was so young, I don't think I could ever have words like I do now. Um but I don't think there's anything I would say to him now with everything that's happened and what I've seen, I just wish I cherished those memories a little more because now that I'm older I've just kind of completely forgotten about the good times with him and I've only ever thought about you know like him getting evicted his house just absolutely reeking of this miller light smell and I wish I would have just focused more on the good times like the egg dyeing the playing in his yard, playing with his cats and him being there. But I don't know if there's anything that I could have done different. Um I think it would have to have been up to the adults probably because I don't think there's anything that I could have done.
Emmy:
Is there anything um you wish that you could go back and change about your childhood with him
MyKenzi:
Um
Emmy:
Or you think that you would keep it that way because it taught you a certain lesson but you just wish it wasn't as bad.
MyKenzi:
I don't think that there is um anything specifically I would change in regards to him. I think it's yeah I think it has taught me kind of a lesson to know when someone's having a problem um and how to go about it, how to help them come out of a situation like that my uncle I didn't I couldn't help him with anything but like I know now if one of my friends or one of my sisters um happened to have an addiction with alcohol or addiction with drugs or with anything, I would know how to go about it more and how to relate a little bit more. I I'm not going through an addiction, I don't have this like feeling that they do but I know that there is a way I can help them and there is a way to get out of that addiction, if that makes sense.
Emmy:
So we're saying is that a negative situation that happened kinda gave you a positive outlook on how you can help other people and how to detect someone that has um alcohol disorder or any disorder or how to approach them in any way.
MyKenzi:
Yeah like um I could never, we can never like have, there can never be anyone who's not addicted to something, there's always going to be someone who you can't help but if it's someone I know and I love, I'm going to do what I can do to try to help them, you know, rehab recovery um just try to help them get out of that place, I would never take anything back my life played out the way it did for a reason I want to say um and I feel like seeing that side of someone that you love can really have a negative as well as a good effect on you, so you know what to do for the next person you love um when something like that happens to them.
Emmy:
So was there anything that stuck um with you throughout this entire experience growing up with him in your life? Was there any big moment that stuck out? It could be good or bad.
MyKenzi:
I would probably say the biggest thing um is when he had the stroke like I mentioned previously and he just couldn't even like take a guess at what my name was or who I was or why I was there, he knew my mom which was good um but he just had zero clue who I was and like now I have dyed hair and everything so it's kind of harder but when he didn't know who I was, I, I still kind of look the same, I was only a sophomore in high school and the last time he saw me was probably um right right before I started the 4th grade I wanna say. Um but I'm not sure, I think him just forgetting who I was was pretty hard for me.
Emmy:
Yeah so it was the fact that he didn't know your name that really took a toll.
MyKenzi:
Yeah I talked to my mom in the car about it and she was just kind of like you have to forgive him for that, like he just had a stroke and I'm like thinking to myself like I know he had a stroke and I feel bad for him but is it because of this stroke or is it because he just doesn't remember however having a relationship with me because he was always drunk.
Emmy:
Yeah I understand. Well thank you so much for letting me interview and open up about things that might be hard for you to talk about.
MyKenzi:
Yeah thank you so much.
Emmy:
Good-bye

Participants

• Kenzie Walker
  
• Emalia Sothman
  

Interview By

• Laurie Smith